Don't Let Jeff Goldblum Become a Human Meme

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A statue of Jeff Goldblum and his semi-naked torso in London, England, pictured in July 2018.  (John Phillips/Getty Images)

Look, I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the way, the people decided that Jeff Goldblum was worthy of viral remixes, enormous shirtless statues and sensual oil paintings. He of the oddly clipped delivery, the casual aside, the perfect pecs—he is no longer an actor, the world has now voted. He is irony's figurehead.

If I've witnessed anything on the internet in the past 20 years, it's how easily we can elevate someone only to knock them down. Sometimes it's simple overexposure, sometimes it's "problematic" revelations, but sometimes it's just that the joke has run its course and the subject material is out of gas. That's where we sit with Jeff Goldblum now.

Look, I'd ordinarily say that I could revel in Jeff Goldblum infinitely. He sings jazz cabaret! He genuinely seems like a good guy! He has an approach to method acting that appears to be based on, I dunno, his past life as a cereal box!

But folks, we are approaching a saturation point. We are in danger of turning Jeff Goldblum into that most fragile of cultural creatures: the human meme.


Which is why it's important to kick back, unfollow your Jeff Goldblum fan accounts, and return to what's important by watching some of the guy's damn movies. This Sunday, Feb. 3, the Alamo Drafthouse allows you to do just that with The Goldblum Standard, a collection of four of the master's films.

In a twist, you won't know which ones until you get there, but you know what? Unlike the merciless churning cycle of internet celebrity, the man's movies have never let me down.

'The Goldblum Standard: A Jeff Goldblum Mystery Marathon' runs Sunday, Feb. 3, at the Alamo Drafthouse in San Francisco. Details here.