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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-532\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nThis week, Tonya Mosley is joined by \u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">“Call Your Girlfriend”\u003c/a> podcast hosts \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/aminatou?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Aminatou Sow\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.annfriedman.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ann Friedman\u003c/a> to answer a round of listener questions. Sow and Friedman met in Washington D.C. in 2008 at a “Gossip Girl” viewing party. After that, they became long-distance best friends, started a podcast together and wrote a soon to be released co-memoir called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Big-Friendship-Keep-Other-Close/dp/1982111909\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>.” Their book details the ups and downs of their decade-long, long-distance, interracial friendship: from falling in friend-love, to developing a business partnership, to entering couples therapy to save their friendship when it reached a breaking point. By the end of the book, they build an argument for friendship as a bond worth protecting just as fiercely as romantic love.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“We saw a gap in the literature that exists about really staying in a long-term friendship, not just through things that are joyful and exciting and life-giving, but also things that are really challenging. And just from our own experience and our own friendship, that was something that we have at various points really wanted to read. And so it’s sort of that conventional story of writing the book that you once needed.” – Ann Friedman\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“What we were really looking for was a joint telling of one friendship. And we were really trying to come to a singular narrative about our own story, and also find some common vocabulary and really a new way to talk about a friendship. The words ‘best friend,’ ‘B.F.F.’, and ‘bestie’ are all great but there is something just about them that is so reductive to be a really enriching experience that two adults can have in friendship.” – Aminatou Sow\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Sow and Friedman define “Big Friendship” as a strong, significant bond that transcends life phases, geographical locations and emotional shifts. They brought their personal experience, research and reflections to a round of listener questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-544\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow suggests first, take a deep breath. “I recognize the contours of this question so much and I have struggled in my own relationships.” She recommends some introspective questioning. “Are you saying it because you’re annoyed by it, or are you saying it because it actually is having repercussions on your friend?” After self-reflecting, if you are going to engage in a conversation, Sow advises finding a way into the conversation that does not center yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Some suggested language:\u003c/strong> “Hey, tell me about your relationship. Are you happy?” instead of “Hey, I think your partner is a loser,” which is very subjective.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-537\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\n“This question is how a lot of people end up with those commemorative friendships,” Friedman says. Commemorative friendships is one of the three categories they learned about when doing research on adult friendships. Friendships can fall under these categories: active, passive, and commemorative.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Active friendships are fully happening right now,” Friedman says. “You are in communication with each other regularly, you are up to date on the struggles and joys of that person’s life and you are connected. Passive friendships are ones where you still feel a great fondness and maybe a good bond, but you aren’t really keeping up. And finally, commemorative friendships are friendships that you’ve both moved on from and you don’t expect to ever come back to.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friedman says “I think there is a reason why it’s hard to evaluate a relationship with a lot of historical weight, because that does count for something. It is a special and valuable thing. But you have to think about what that weight means in real-time.” Friedman suggests having a conversation with the friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Some suggested language: \u003c/strong> “This is how I felt in our friendship in the past. I’m really not feeling that level of connection or we really don’t have shared interests anymore.” Engage in the conversation because there’s also some good information there in hearing about the level of investment the other person is feeling and the friendship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-538\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow took this question on. She said, “The language of taking a break usually means that it is on purpose but not really preplanned, where you drifted away from each other. I have friendships like that, where you drift away and then, one person makes contact again. It’s not the same, but you are once again both open to being in each other’s lives.” For this type of break, Sow says she doesn’t believe every friendship that you drift away from owes you a reconnection. “I have found that in the drift-away and come-back friendships, the only ones that have really worked is if we both individually did the work of figuring out why we were drifting away,” Sow says. “When we came back together, we were able to talk about it like grown-ups. So I do think that within the fabric of friendship, there is this kind of flexibility built-in.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If an expected change is coming — a move, a pregnancy, a career change — here is \u003cstrong>some\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>suggested language:\u003c/strong> “Hey, the unstructured time that we spend together, all of that is going to change. I’m going to be busier. I’m just not going to be able to do all the things that we do. We have very different lifestyles now. I’m really committed to figuring out how we are going to work through that because you are really important to me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-534\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow also took on this question based on her personal experiences with her white friends. “I think that sometimes you really do have to ask yourself, is this person even my friend? And I think that at a fundamental level, a lot of times the answer is no,” Sow says. “In the instance that this person is your friend, I think that I am really lucky that race has been addressed thoroughly in all of my friendships with white people, in the sense where either we talk about it and we have a healthy relationship or it’s something that we do not talk about and, therefore, we are not the close friends that we say we are.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sow addresses the systemic nature of racism and the connection to individuals who are part of those systems. “I have people in my life that I don’t think are racist. That’s why they’re in my life. It does not mean that they’re not capable of perpetuating racism because that is just how that works.” Within Sow and Friedman’s interracial friendship, Sow says, “Years into our friendship we realized we had not talked about was: what does it mean when Ann is the person who is causing pain in our friendship? And that is the thing that I think anyone who intimately knows white people understands that is possible — a white person will cause you pain.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sow suggests making space to talk to the friend because it is really vital to your relationship thriving, or indicating that the relationship is not what you think it is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nBoth Sow and Friedman took this question on. Friedman started by recognizing the pattern of vulnerability. “There is an indication of, ‘I am always the middle man of a transaction between two people who fall in love. And then I am not so much a part of that.’” Both authors suggest being direct about what you are feeling because more than likely the friend will respond positively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friedman has \u003cstrong>suggested language\u003c/strong> on being proactive if you see your friends sharing their adventures: “Oh, I saw you guys had dinner. I would love to join you sometime.” Or, “Sometimes when you send me pictures of you two hanging out, I feel a little tender that I’m not a part of it. I really love your relationship. If you’re ever doing something that you could need a third for, I would love to join.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Friendship is the most generous and expandable kind of relationship you can have with someone you know,” Sow says. Both authors agree that every friendship is different and in order to have successful relationships, you have to learn to communicate on the level that every friendship requires. Bottom line, Friedman says, “there is no autopilot function for a relationship this important. You really have to stay working on it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SB98iTDJF4mCHNi9F22VlRhVhm1Xyx8N/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/aminatou?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Aminatou Sow\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.annfriedman.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ann Friedman\u003c/a>, co-authors of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.bigfriendship.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>” & hosts of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Call Your Girlfriend\u003c/a>” podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.bigfriendship.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>” by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman\u003cbr>\nSow and Friedman shared some of the books that have most informed their own views on friendship \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/1880-call-your-girlfriend-podcast-hosts-celebrate-books-about-big-friendshi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://bookshop.org/books/how-we-show-up-reclaiming-family-friendship-and-community/9781580058070\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community\u003c/a>” by Mia Birdsong\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/117659/sula-by-toni-morrison/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sula\u003c/a>” by Toni Morrison\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/576721/sabrina-and-corina-by-kali-fajardo-anstine/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sabrina & Corina\u003c/a>” by Kali Fajardo-Anstine\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/549660/when-you-were-everything-by-ashley-woodfolk/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When You Were Everything\u003c/a>” by Ashley Woodfolk\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32886.Communion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Communion: The Female Search for Love\u003c/a>” by bell hooks\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://bookmarks.reviews/reviews/swing-time/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Swing Time\u003c/a>” by Zadie Smith\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385537077/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0385537077\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Nickel Boys\u003c/a>” by Colson Whitehead\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385539258/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0385539258\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Little Life\u003c/a>” by Hanya Yanagihara\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1453662.The_Company_You_Keep\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Company You Keep: The Transforming Power Of Male Friendship\u003c/a>” by David C. Bentall\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43520622-not-so-pure-and-simple\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Not So Pure and Simple\u003c/a>” by Lamar Giles\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Call Your Girlfriend\u003c/a>” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/episodes/2020/07/10/big-friendship\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Audio excerpt\u003c/a> of “Big Friendship” from authors\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412010/when-friendship-changes-how-to-cope\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When Friendships Change, How To Cope\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/18/858304790/what-to-say-when-a-friend-is-struggling\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">What To Say When A Friend Is Struggling\u003c/a>” from Shereen Marisol Meraji NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/15/751479810/make-new-friends-and-keep-the-old\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Accept The Awkwardness: How To Make Friends (And Keep Them\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412752/men-can-have-better-friendships-heres-how\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Men Can Have Better Friendships. Here’s How\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"http://Other%20Men%20Need\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Other Men Need Help\u003c/a>” podcast\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"title": "Friendship: The Other Love of Your Life | KQED",
"description": "This week, Tonya Mosley is joined by "Call Your Girlfriend" podcast hosts Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman to answer a round of listener questions. Sow and Friedman met in Washington D.C. in 2008 at a “Gossip Girl” viewing party. After that, they became long-distance best friends, started a podcast together and wrote a soon to be released co-memoir called “Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.” Their book details the ups and downs of their decade-long, long-distance, interracial friendship: from falling in friend-love, to developing a business partnership, to entering couples therapy to save their friendship when it reached a",
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"headline": "Friendship: The Other Love of Your Life",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-532\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/Ep10header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nThis week, Tonya Mosley is joined by \u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">“Call Your Girlfriend”\u003c/a> podcast hosts \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/aminatou?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Aminatou Sow\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.annfriedman.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ann Friedman\u003c/a> to answer a round of listener questions. Sow and Friedman met in Washington D.C. in 2008 at a “Gossip Girl” viewing party. After that, they became long-distance best friends, started a podcast together and wrote a soon to be released co-memoir called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Big-Friendship-Keep-Other-Close/dp/1982111909\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>.” Their book details the ups and downs of their decade-long, long-distance, interracial friendship: from falling in friend-love, to developing a business partnership, to entering couples therapy to save their friendship when it reached a breaking point. By the end of the book, they build an argument for friendship as a bond worth protecting just as fiercely as romantic love.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“We saw a gap in the literature that exists about really staying in a long-term friendship, not just through things that are joyful and exciting and life-giving, but also things that are really challenging. And just from our own experience and our own friendship, that was something that we have at various points really wanted to read. And so it’s sort of that conventional story of writing the book that you once needed.” – Ann Friedman\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“What we were really looking for was a joint telling of one friendship. And we were really trying to come to a singular narrative about our own story, and also find some common vocabulary and really a new way to talk about a friendship. The words ‘best friend,’ ‘B.F.F.’, and ‘bestie’ are all great but there is something just about them that is so reductive to be a really enriching experience that two adults can have in friendship.” – Aminatou Sow\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Sow and Friedman define “Big Friendship” as a strong, significant bond that transcends life phases, geographical locations and emotional shifts. They brought their personal experience, research and reflections to a round of listener questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-544\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/EP-10-CYG-Qs-for-Landing-Page.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow suggests first, take a deep breath. “I recognize the contours of this question so much and I have struggled in my own relationships.” She recommends some introspective questioning. “Are you saying it because you’re annoyed by it, or are you saying it because it actually is having repercussions on your friend?” After self-reflecting, if you are going to engage in a conversation, Sow advises finding a way into the conversation that does not center yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Some suggested language:\u003c/strong> “Hey, tell me about your relationship. Are you happy?” instead of “Hey, I think your partner is a loser,” which is very subjective.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-537\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/2.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\n“This question is how a lot of people end up with those commemorative friendships,” Friedman says. Commemorative friendships is one of the three categories they learned about when doing research on adult friendships. Friendships can fall under these categories: active, passive, and commemorative.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Active friendships are fully happening right now,” Friedman says. “You are in communication with each other regularly, you are up to date on the struggles and joys of that person’s life and you are connected. Passive friendships are ones where you still feel a great fondness and maybe a good bond, but you aren’t really keeping up. And finally, commemorative friendships are friendships that you’ve both moved on from and you don’t expect to ever come back to.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friedman says “I think there is a reason why it’s hard to evaluate a relationship with a lot of historical weight, because that does count for something. It is a special and valuable thing. But you have to think about what that weight means in real-time.” Friedman suggests having a conversation with the friend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Some suggested language: \u003c/strong> “This is how I felt in our friendship in the past. I’m really not feeling that level of connection or we really don’t have shared interests anymore.” Engage in the conversation because there’s also some good information there in hearing about the level of investment the other person is feeling and the friendship.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-538\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/3.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow took this question on. She said, “The language of taking a break usually means that it is on purpose but not really preplanned, where you drifted away from each other. I have friendships like that, where you drift away and then, one person makes contact again. It’s not the same, but you are once again both open to being in each other’s lives.” For this type of break, Sow says she doesn’t believe every friendship that you drift away from owes you a reconnection. “I have found that in the drift-away and come-back friendships, the only ones that have really worked is if we both individually did the work of figuring out why we were drifting away,” Sow says. “When we came back together, we were able to talk about it like grown-ups. So I do think that within the fabric of friendship, there is this kind of flexibility built-in.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If an expected change is coming — a move, a pregnancy, a career change — here is \u003cstrong>some\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>suggested language:\u003c/strong> “Hey, the unstructured time that we spend together, all of that is going to change. I’m going to be busier. I’m just not going to be able to do all the things that we do. We have very different lifestyles now. I’m really committed to figuring out how we are going to work through that because you are really important to me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-534\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/4.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nSow also took on this question based on her personal experiences with her white friends. “I think that sometimes you really do have to ask yourself, is this person even my friend? And I think that at a fundamental level, a lot of times the answer is no,” Sow says. “In the instance that this person is your friend, I think that I am really lucky that race has been addressed thoroughly in all of my friendships with white people, in the sense where either we talk about it and we have a healthy relationship or it’s something that we do not talk about and, therefore, we are not the close friends that we say we are.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sow addresses the systemic nature of racism and the connection to individuals who are part of those systems. “I have people in my life that I don’t think are racist. That’s why they’re in my life. It does not mean that they’re not capable of perpetuating racism because that is just how that works.” Within Sow and Friedman’s interracial friendship, Sow says, “Years into our friendship we realized we had not talked about was: what does it mean when Ann is the person who is causing pain in our friendship? And that is the thing that I think anyone who intimately knows white people understands that is possible — a white person will cause you pain.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sow suggests making space to talk to the friend because it is really vital to your relationship thriving, or indicating that the relationship is not what you think it is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-800x304.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-800x304.png 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-160x61.png 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5-768x292.png 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/07/5.png 820w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cbr>\nBoth Sow and Friedman took this question on. Friedman started by recognizing the pattern of vulnerability. “There is an indication of, ‘I am always the middle man of a transaction between two people who fall in love. And then I am not so much a part of that.’” Both authors suggest being direct about what you are feeling because more than likely the friend will respond positively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Friedman has \u003cstrong>suggested language\u003c/strong> on being proactive if you see your friends sharing their adventures: “Oh, I saw you guys had dinner. I would love to join you sometime.” Or, “Sometimes when you send me pictures of you two hanging out, I feel a little tender that I’m not a part of it. I really love your relationship. If you’re ever doing something that you could need a third for, I would love to join.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Friendship is the most generous and expandable kind of relationship you can have with someone you know,” Sow says. Both authors agree that every friendship is different and in order to have successful relationships, you have to learn to communicate on the level that every friendship requires. Bottom line, Friedman says, “there is no autopilot function for a relationship this important. You really have to stay working on it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SB98iTDJF4mCHNi9F22VlRhVhm1Xyx8N/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/aminatou?lang=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Aminatou Sow\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.annfriedman.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Ann Friedman\u003c/a>, co-authors of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.bigfriendship.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>” & hosts of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/about\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Call Your Girlfriend\u003c/a>” podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.bigfriendship.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close\u003c/a>” by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman\u003cbr>\nSow and Friedman shared some of the books that have most informed their own views on friendship \u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/1880-call-your-girlfriend-podcast-hosts-celebrate-books-about-big-friendshi\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">here\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://bookshop.org/books/how-we-show-up-reclaiming-family-friendship-and-community/9781580058070\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community\u003c/a>” by Mia Birdsong\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/117659/sula-by-toni-morrison/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sula\u003c/a>” by Toni Morrison\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/576721/sabrina-and-corina-by-kali-fajardo-anstine/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sabrina & Corina\u003c/a>” by Kali Fajardo-Anstine\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/549660/when-you-were-everything-by-ashley-woodfolk/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When You Were Everything\u003c/a>” by Ashley Woodfolk\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32886.Communion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Communion: The Female Search for Love\u003c/a>” by bell hooks\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://bookmarks.reviews/reviews/swing-time/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Swing Time\u003c/a>” by Zadie Smith\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385537077/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0385537077\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Nickel Boys\u003c/a>” by Colson Whitehead\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385539258/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0385539258\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Little Life\u003c/a>” by Hanya Yanagihara\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1453662.The_Company_You_Keep\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Company You Keep: The Transforming Power Of Male Friendship\u003c/a>” by David C. Bentall\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43520622-not-so-pure-and-simple\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Not So Pure and Simple\u003c/a>” by Lamar Giles\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Call Your Girlfriend\u003c/a>” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/episodes/2020/07/10/big-friendship\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Audio excerpt\u003c/a> of “Big Friendship” from authors\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412010/when-friendship-changes-how-to-cope\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When Friendships Change, How To Cope\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/18/858304790/what-to-say-when-a-friend-is-struggling\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">What To Say When A Friend Is Struggling\u003c/a>” from Shereen Marisol Meraji NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/15/751479810/make-new-friends-and-keep-the-old\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Accept The Awkwardness: How To Make Friends (And Keep Them\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/08/19/752412752/men-can-have-better-friendships-heres-how\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Men Can Have Better Friendships. Here’s How\u003c/a>” from Julia Furlan for NPR’s “Life Kit”\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"http://Other%20Men%20Need\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Other Men Need Help\u003c/a>” podcast\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-522\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We yearn for glimmers of joy as we dismantle racist systems and consume traumatic news updates, all while sheltering at home in a pandemic. So, we’re revisiting our very first episode, Holding on to Joy, with an updated conversation between host Tonya Mosley and her grandmother, this week’s Wise One, Ernestine Mosley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our question-asker is \u003ca href=\"https://profiles.stanford.edu/seema-yasmin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin, \u003c/a>who is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, poet, medical doctor and \u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062947031/muslim-women-are-everything/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">author\u003c/a>. She asked:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“How can I feel joy when the world is burning?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This episode was recorded before COVID-19, so Tonya was able to travel to her hometown of Detroit. There, she talked to her grandmother and New York Times bestselling author, \u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a>. Tonya asked her grandmother how she continues to find joy. Her response: “There is a difference between joy and happiness,” said Ernestine Mosley. “I am happy right now. I am just happy to see you. That’s different from joy. The joy is in your heart and it stays with you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Ernestine Mosley, she gets joy out of helping people and getting involved in change-making. “When I can talk to someone and lift their spirits, or do something for them to help them in spite of everything in the world, it is still beautiful. We have a beautiful world here and we have to change it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The self-identified pleasure goddess, adrienne maree brown, also distinguishes joy from happiness. “Joy is not extraneous. .. something you have to earn, or off to the side.” For brown, joy is a freedom journey that allows for pleasure. So much so, that she wrote a book about how to make social justice the most pleasurable human experience, called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pleasure Activism\u003c/a>”. She references Audre Lorde’s “\u003ca href=\"https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/the-erotic-as-power-by-audre-lorde\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic As Power\u003c/a>” which emphasizes that in order to keep your eye on the prize, you need to experience your full erotic self. How do you do that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brown suggests starting with getting to know yourself — learning what your calling is and what work you are supposed to be doing. Next, practice “attention liberation” which is taking your attention away from what you cannot change and focus on the helpers. Then, do an inventory of your life. Specifically, identify the spaces you feel in absolute alignment with yourself and out of alignment (i.e. “I say I care about food justice but I buy McDonald’s every time I’m at the airport” says brown.) Finally, brown emphasizes, “Joy is a practice.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While our world is undergoing a transformation that some may even dub an apocalypse, brown reminds us communities that have survived genocide do so through laughter, intimacy and connection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“Laughter is important. Joy is important. It’s not a guilty pleasure, it is a strategic move towards the future we all need to create. One in which our children are laughing, our children are free. They can go wherever they need to go. There are no borders holding them. That is what I am living and loving for.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Brown leaves us with a powerful quote from \u003ca href=\"https://www.biography.com/activist/bobby-sands\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bobby Sands\u003c/a>, an Irish nationalist who led a hunger strike in prison in 1981:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tonya checked in with her grandmother recently to talk about joy in this moment. Ernestine lives in Detroit, one of the places hardest hit by COVID-19. And for the first few weeks of the protests, she was in tears mourning the death of George Floyd.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’ve shed quite a few tears. I remember my parents … I used to see my mother crying and I couldn’t understand what it was all about,” Ernestine says. “But now, I guess I’ve taken her place since I’ve gotten older. I think the world is reaching out now for help. We have to cry sometimes. But then there is a time we have to stop crying and pick up the reins again, and get a little joy in between.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernestine says there is something about that joy that is the foundation of her life. “That joy that lives inside of me that my mother and daddy taught me when I was young,” she says. “When things were hard, when I only had one pair of shoes to wear. All we had was each other.” Ernestine reminisces of a time when neighbors and family helped one another and created fond memories of joy amidst the difficulties.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernestine has seen lots of George Floyds die in her 94 years of life. She highlights the many generations passing down the fight of racial justice, and everyone doing their part.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You work so hard and you give so much of yourself, and you’re thinking about your children having to fight the same battle over again once they grow up,” she says. “We can’t rebuild yesterday. Today is a day. Tomorrow will be somebody else’s day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As you continue to find your lane in the fight for racial justice, remember: it is absolutely necessary to feel joy in these times. You don’t have to earn it. You deserve it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guidance on finding (and holding on to) joy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Faith/Spirituality: \u003c/strong>Set intentions, pray, worship, meditate. Reacquaint or deepen your relationship with nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Rituals:\u003c/strong> Care for your body (baths, exercise, adornment). Feed your soul (read, write, create, cook). Do anything that brings you joy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Look for the helpers and help the helpers: \u003c/strong>Find ways to be generous with each other or lift another’s spirit. Redirect your attention on the solution-makers in a crisis. Find ways to support those helpers for the collective good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Connect with the self:\u003c/strong> Go on dates with yourself, take an inventory of yourself and your life, write down the spaces you feel in complete alignment with yourself in your life (i.e. my role as an auntie) or walk around your home naked while looking at your miraculous body.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Connect with those you love and who love you: \u003c/strong>Reach out to people who make you feel loved and check in on someone you’ve been thinking about. Also, try to laugh as much as you can. Laughter, intimacy and connection are necessary to survive and embark on the freedom journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1N6Odb4jOjcxu5X0tRO4BieDsuC-vm3r3/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Ernestine Mosley\u003c/strong>, Tonya Mosley’s grandmother\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>, writer of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/emergent-strategy-shaping-change-changing-worlds_adrienne-maree-brown/11456719/item/19064272/?mkwid=%7cdc&pcrid=395931190724&pkw=&pmt=&slid=&plc=&pgrid=83211845752&ptaid=pla-838337054111&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIv4echtKd6gIVWR-tBh2hEQiwEAQYBCABEgLu4vD_BwE#isbn=1849352607&idiq=19064272\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emergent Strategy\u003c/a>“, pleasure activist, a sci-fi/Octavia Butler scholar, facilitator, speaker, singer and doula.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/the-erotic-as-power-by-audre-lorde\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic As Power\u003c/a> by Audre Lorde\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13882347/the-pandemic-the-protests-and-the-police-songs-of-the-summer-2020\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Pandemic, the Protests and the Police: Songs of the Summer 2020\u003c/a> by Pendarvis Harshaw\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/about/books-that-changed-me-in-big-or-small-ways/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Books That Changed Me In Big Or Small Ways\u003c/a> by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good\u003c/a> by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/emergentstrategy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds \u003c/a>by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mating-in-captivity-esther-perel/1100551412\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence \u003c/a>by Esther Perel\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/how-we-show-up.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, Community\u003c/a> by Mia Birdsong\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://traumastewardship.com/inside-the-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others\u003c/a> by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky, Connie Burk\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/06/04/869952476/atlanta-based-organization-advocates-for-rest-as-a-form-of-social-justice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Atlanta-Based Organization Advocates For Rest As A Form Of Social Justice\u003c/a> from NPR\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2020/04/06/finding-joy-during-coronavirus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Adrienne Maree Brown On Finding Joy During The Coronavirus Crisis \u003c/a>from WBUR\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-learn-from-a-plague/id1151436460?i=1000471689934\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How to Learn from A Plague\u003c/a> from “Still Processing” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://irresistible.org/podcast/66\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sustaining Ourselves When Confronting Violence\u003c/a> from “Irresistible” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://irresistible.org/podcast/68\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Love & Rage: The Path of Liberation Through Anger\u003c/a> from “Irresistible” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/26/862386172/songs-giving-us-much-needed-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Songs Giving Us (Much Needed) Life\u003c/a> from “Code Switch” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/06/09/873149945/tracee-ellis-ross-continues-to-hit-the-high-note-in-a-sexist-and-racist-world\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Tracee Ellis Ross Continues To Hit ‘The High Note’ In A Sexist and Racist World\u003c/a> from “It’s Been A Minute with Sam Sanders” podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Other:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/pandemic-tool-kit-death-sex-money\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pandemic Toolkit:\u003c/a>\u003c/strong> A collaboration between Death, Sex & Money podcast and Truth Be Told, where listeners shared suggestions on how to get through traumatic events like quarantine. There are tons of activities and reflections that can support your journey in finding and holding on to joy.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"title": "Holding on to Joy | KQED",
"description": "We yearn for glimmers of joy as we dismantle racist systems and consume traumatic news updates, all while sheltering at home in a pandemic. So, we’re revisiting our very first episode, Holding on to Joy, with an updated conversation between host Tonya Mosley and her grandmother, this week’s Wise One, Ernestine Mosley. Our question-asker is Dr. Seema Yasmin, who is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, poet, medical doctor and author. She asked: “How can I feel joy when the world is burning?” This episode was recorded before COVID-19, so Tonya was able to travel to her hometown of Detroit. There, she",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-522\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_episode9_deck.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We yearn for glimmers of joy as we dismantle racist systems and consume traumatic news updates, all while sheltering at home in a pandemic. So, we’re revisiting our very first episode, Holding on to Joy, with an updated conversation between host Tonya Mosley and her grandmother, this week’s Wise One, Ernestine Mosley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our question-asker is \u003ca href=\"https://profiles.stanford.edu/seema-yasmin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin, \u003c/a>who is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, poet, medical doctor and \u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062947031/muslim-women-are-everything/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">author\u003c/a>. She asked:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“How can I feel joy when the world is burning?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This episode was recorded before COVID-19, so Tonya was able to travel to her hometown of Detroit. There, she talked to her grandmother and New York Times bestselling author, \u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a>. Tonya asked her grandmother how she continues to find joy. Her response: “There is a difference between joy and happiness,” said Ernestine Mosley. “I am happy right now. I am just happy to see you. That’s different from joy. The joy is in your heart and it stays with you.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For Ernestine Mosley, she gets joy out of helping people and getting involved in change-making. “When I can talk to someone and lift their spirits, or do something for them to help them in spite of everything in the world, it is still beautiful. We have a beautiful world here and we have to change it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The self-identified pleasure goddess, adrienne maree brown, also distinguishes joy from happiness. “Joy is not extraneous. .. something you have to earn, or off to the side.” For brown, joy is a freedom journey that allows for pleasure. So much so, that she wrote a book about how to make social justice the most pleasurable human experience, called “\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pleasure Activism\u003c/a>”. She references Audre Lorde’s “\u003ca href=\"https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/the-erotic-as-power-by-audre-lorde\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic As Power\u003c/a>” which emphasizes that in order to keep your eye on the prize, you need to experience your full erotic self. How do you do that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brown suggests starting with getting to know yourself — learning what your calling is and what work you are supposed to be doing. Next, practice “attention liberation” which is taking your attention away from what you cannot change and focus on the helpers. Then, do an inventory of your life. Specifically, identify the spaces you feel in absolute alignment with yourself and out of alignment (i.e. “I say I care about food justice but I buy McDonald’s every time I’m at the airport” says brown.) Finally, brown emphasizes, “Joy is a practice.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While our world is undergoing a transformation that some may even dub an apocalypse, brown reminds us communities that have survived genocide do so through laughter, intimacy and connection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“Laughter is important. Joy is important. It’s not a guilty pleasure, it is a strategic move towards the future we all need to create. One in which our children are laughing, our children are free. They can go wherever they need to go. There are no borders holding them. That is what I am living and loving for.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Brown leaves us with a powerful quote from \u003ca href=\"https://www.biography.com/activist/bobby-sands\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bobby Sands\u003c/a>, an Irish nationalist who led a hunger strike in prison in 1981:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Tonya checked in with her grandmother recently to talk about joy in this moment. Ernestine lives in Detroit, one of the places hardest hit by COVID-19. And for the first few weeks of the protests, she was in tears mourning the death of George Floyd.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I’ve shed quite a few tears. I remember my parents … I used to see my mother crying and I couldn’t understand what it was all about,” Ernestine says. “But now, I guess I’ve taken her place since I’ve gotten older. I think the world is reaching out now for help. We have to cry sometimes. But then there is a time we have to stop crying and pick up the reins again, and get a little joy in between.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernestine says there is something about that joy that is the foundation of her life. “That joy that lives inside of me that my mother and daddy taught me when I was young,” she says. “When things were hard, when I only had one pair of shoes to wear. All we had was each other.” Ernestine reminisces of a time when neighbors and family helped one another and created fond memories of joy amidst the difficulties.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernestine has seen lots of George Floyds die in her 94 years of life. She highlights the many generations passing down the fight of racial justice, and everyone doing their part.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You work so hard and you give so much of yourself, and you’re thinking about your children having to fight the same battle over again once they grow up,” she says. “We can’t rebuild yesterday. Today is a day. Tomorrow will be somebody else’s day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As you continue to find your lane in the fight for racial justice, remember: it is absolutely necessary to feel joy in these times. You don’t have to earn it. You deserve it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some guidance on finding (and holding on to) joy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Faith/Spirituality: \u003c/strong>Set intentions, pray, worship, meditate. Reacquaint or deepen your relationship with nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Rituals:\u003c/strong> Care for your body (baths, exercise, adornment). Feed your soul (read, write, create, cook). Do anything that brings you joy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Look for the helpers and help the helpers: \u003c/strong>Find ways to be generous with each other or lift another’s spirit. Redirect your attention on the solution-makers in a crisis. Find ways to support those helpers for the collective good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Connect with the self:\u003c/strong> Go on dates with yourself, take an inventory of yourself and your life, write down the spaces you feel in complete alignment with yourself in your life (i.e. my role as an auntie) or walk around your home naked while looking at your miraculous body.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Connect with those you love and who love you: \u003c/strong>Reach out to people who make you feel loved and check in on someone you’ve been thinking about. Also, try to laugh as much as you can. Laughter, intimacy and connection are necessary to survive and embark on the freedom journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1N6Odb4jOjcxu5X0tRO4BieDsuC-vm3r3/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Ernestine Mosley\u003c/strong>, Tonya Mosley’s grandmother\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>, writer of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/emergent-strategy-shaping-change-changing-worlds_adrienne-maree-brown/11456719/item/19064272/?mkwid=%7cdc&pcrid=395931190724&pkw=&pmt=&slid=&plc=&pgrid=83211845752&ptaid=pla-838337054111&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIv4echtKd6gIVWR-tBh2hEQiwEAQYBCABEgLu4vD_BwE#isbn=1849352607&idiq=19064272\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emergent Strategy\u003c/a>“, pleasure activist, a sci-fi/Octavia Butler scholar, facilitator, speaker, singer and doula.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/the-erotic-as-power-by-audre-lorde\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic As Power\u003c/a> by Audre Lorde\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13882347/the-pandemic-the-protests-and-the-police-songs-of-the-summer-2020\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Pandemic, the Protests and the Police: Songs of the Summer 2020\u003c/a> by Pendarvis Harshaw\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/about/books-that-changed-me-in-big-or-small-ways/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Books That Changed Me In Big Or Small Ways\u003c/a> by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good\u003c/a> by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/emergentstrategy.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds \u003c/a>by adrienne maree brown\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mating-in-captivity-esther-perel/1100551412\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence \u003c/a>by Esther Perel\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.akpress.org/how-we-show-up.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, Community\u003c/a> by Mia Birdsong\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://traumastewardship.com/inside-the-book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others\u003c/a> by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky, Connie Burk\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/06/04/869952476/atlanta-based-organization-advocates-for-rest-as-a-form-of-social-justice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Atlanta-Based Organization Advocates For Rest As A Form Of Social Justice\u003c/a> from NPR\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2020/04/06/finding-joy-during-coronavirus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Adrienne Maree Brown On Finding Joy During The Coronavirus Crisis \u003c/a>from WBUR\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-learn-from-a-plague/id1151436460?i=1000471689934\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How to Learn from A Plague\u003c/a> from “Still Processing” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://irresistible.org/podcast/66\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sustaining Ourselves When Confronting Violence\u003c/a> from “Irresistible” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://irresistible.org/podcast/68\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Love & Rage: The Path of Liberation Through Anger\u003c/a> from “Irresistible” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/26/862386172/songs-giving-us-much-needed-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Songs Giving Us (Much Needed) Life\u003c/a> from “Code Switch” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/06/09/873149945/tracee-ellis-ross-continues-to-hit-the-high-note-in-a-sexist-and-racist-world\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Tracee Ellis Ross Continues To Hit ‘The High Note’ In A Sexist and Racist World\u003c/a> from “It’s Been A Minute with Sam Sanders” podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Other:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/pandemic-tool-kit-death-sex-money\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pandemic Toolkit:\u003c/a>\u003c/strong> A collaboration between Death, Sex & Money podcast and Truth Be Told, where listeners shared suggestions on how to get through traumatic events like quarantine. There are tons of activities and reflections that can support your journey in finding and holding on to joy.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "coming-out-while-staying-in-dealing-with-homophobia-at-home",
"title": "Coming Out While Staying In: Dealing With Homophobia At Home",
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"headTitle": "Coming Out While Staying In: Dealing With Homophobia At Home | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-504\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>June is Pride month and COVID-19 has altered the ways the LGBTQ can celebrate together. For many, the uprisings have been a reminder that \u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/this-year-pride-is-about-rebellion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride started as a riot\u003c/a> and that Black Lives Matter includes Black trans, queer, non-binary and gender-nonconforming people. In this week’s episode, host Tonya Mosley is joined by \u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6955079/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Steven Canals\u003c/a>, the co-creator and executive producer of the FX television show “Pose” to answer this listener question:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Hey, Truth Be Told, I’m actually the president of the LGBT POC organization here at Michigan State. I did come out to my mom. I feel like every time we have the conversations, I’m coming out again. But the issue that I’ve been dealing with is not blatant homophobia, where she’s just like calling me names like dyke or faggot or something like that. It’s more of a you know, “You think that girl is pretty?” It’s that stereotype or you know, “are you looking at the girls in the locker room?” or “let me not change in here because, you know, women like women these days.” And I’m just like, what are you talking about?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I’m going back and forth like explaining to my mom because we have a rough relationship already that this is not like a choice. I need her to know that this is something I’ve been feeling since I was small. So how could it possibly have been a choice? Because I feel like she thinks I’m choosing to like women or I’m choosing to go against the heterosexual norm. But that’s not true. So I’m just like, how do I say something in a respectful way, but also in a way that’s kind of aggressive. Like you can’t say things like that to me and expect me to still be around and be respectful towards you because you’re constantly disrespecting me. It’s hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There’s a don’t ask, don’t tell policy in the house. So we kind of just don’t touch on it at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>– Disrespected in Detroit\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Before television, Canals worked for almost a decade in higher education as a college administrator so he is more than familiar with the complicated relationships young LGBTQ people have with their families. His immediate advice is to search for a PFLAG chapter — parents, families and friends of the Lesbian, Gay and Bi, Trans and Queer community. “It sounds like Mom just needs to talk to other parents,” said Canals. “Hopefully having a conversation with other parents of LGBTQ children will aid in her having someone to talk to about whatever her fears may be and recognizing that her daughter can absolutely have a full life.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Canals says too often members of marginalized groups put in a teaching position. “My attitude is, you have to self-educate. It is not the responsibility of your daughter or us within the community to teach you,” Canal says. “I would hope that her mother would at some point say to herself, you know, I have a daughter who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community and I now need to go out and find all the resources so that I can be a better parent to my daughter.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the global pandemic continues and shelter-in-place restrictions remain, Canals suggests connecting virtually with chosen family, people that support and not harm you and are not blood family. Although not ideal, Canals believes it is a way for our question-asker to continue being their full authentic self. In the same vein, Canals recommends upholding boundaries to create space for self-love and to prevent retraumatization. “If that means they are sharing the same space, but aren’t necessarily sharing words, then so be it,” said Canals. “This expectation that we are going to continue to put ourselves in the position of being the teacher and then being hurt… I just don’t subscribe to that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Canals said before you engage in this conversation, reflect on the lessons your parents gave you and use them to remind your parents how much of them lives in you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Communicate to your mom that this isn’t about being disrespectful to her or disrespecting the fact that you’re living under her roof, but that you are being respectful of yourself. Turn it around and talk about the tools and the teachings that you received from your parent. Those were conversations that I had with my parent when I came out. There is a way that you taught me to be. I understand that me speaking your truth right now may be hurtful to you, but you are the ones who parent me and gave me the lesson that it is important to always speak my truth and to walk in it so that’s what I am doing. And that is hurtful or problematic for you — that’s on you. You have to deal with that. But I’m not going to dim my own shine, and I’m certainly not going to [not] speak my truth because you have a problem with it.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>The coronavirus has left Disrespected in Detroit unemployed, unable to start her post-college career and dependent on her mother for basic necessities. Canals recommends establishing financial independence but recognizes that it is even tougher to do right now. In order to survive the day-to-day, he says “as soul-crushing as it is, not engaging in conversations with your family around your identity may just have to be a part of what you do to survive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the future, it may be important to ask your family, “how well do you really want to know me?” said Canals. “Because there is a whole part of my life that you’re asking for me to hide.” The answer to this question can be heartbreaking but Canals is an optimist: “Let’s just hope that even if it isn’t now, that at some point in the near future, that they will come around and they will say, ‘Listen, I made a mistake. I do want to know you. I want to know who you are. I want to be a part of your life.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Pose” is now streaming on Netflix and Canals hopes it serves as a reprieve from everything that’s happening to celebrate family, love and community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/18NGfm9W9lTSWvvMSIAomP6Ub3GpbM7r9/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6955079/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Steven Canals\u003c/a>, screenwriter, producer, co-creator and executive-producer of FX television show \u003cem>Pose\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ep4xp4/black-trans-protesters-are-marching-for-another-police-killing-cis-people-arent-talking-about-tony-mcdade?utm_campaign=sharebutton\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Black Trans Protesters Are Marching for a Police Killing That Cis People Aren’t Talking About: Tony McDade\u003c/a> by Tomas Navia and Sam Donnenberg\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/this-year-pride-is-about-rebellion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride Is and Always Was About Rebellion, This Year More Than Ever\u003c/a> by George M. Thompson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/men-attacked-iyanna-dior-black-trans-woman-minneapolis\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Group of Men Attacked Iyanna Dior, a Black Trans Woman, in Minneapolis\u003c/a> from Wren Sanders\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-activists-nyc-la-reimagine-pride-marches-solidarity-protests-n1225216\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">LGBTQ activists in NYC, LA reimagine pride marches as solidarity protests\u003c/a> from Tim Fitzsimons\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.out.com/print/2019/11/20/how-we-can-end-violence-against-trans-women-color\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Can End the Violence Against Trans Women of Color\u003c/a> by Raquel Willis\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/giovannis-room-james-baldwin/1102811420\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Giovanni’s Room\u003c/a> by James Baldwin\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/198090/zami-a-new-spelling-of-my-name-by-audre-geraldine-lorde/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">ZAMI: A New Spelling of My Name\u003c/a> by Audre Lorde\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/black-like-us-devon-w-carbado/1101175249\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Black Like Us: A Century of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual African American Fiction\u003c/a> by Devon W. Carbado, Dwight McBride\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781608466115\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Build Yourself A Boat\u003c/a> by Camonghne Felix\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781684704675\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Marked Ones: Uprising\u003c/a> by TreVaughn Malik Roach-Carter\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9780525555483\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Stars and The Blackness Between Them\u003c/a> by Junauda Petrus\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781250153920\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Dream So Dark \u003c/a>by LL McKinney\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781624147999\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">By Any Means Necessary\u003c/a> by Candice Montgomery\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.acre-books.com/books/hoodwitch/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Hood Witch\u003c/a> by Faylita Hicks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781984829962\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Full Disclosure\u003c/a> by Camryn Garrett\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://books.google.com/books/about/Some_of_Us_Did_Not_Die.html?id=OCoOAVIT7MMC\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Some of Us Did Not Die\u003c/a> by June Jordan\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nypl.org/blog/2018/06/22/where-start-octavia-butler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Where to Start with Octavia Butler\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0972658408/?linkCode=ogi&tag=oprah-auto-20&ascsubtag=%5Bartid%7C10072.g.27455697%5Bsrc%7C%5Bch%7C%5Blt%7C\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Red Dirt Revival\u003c/a> by Tim’m West\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://janetmock.com/books/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefining Realness\u003c/a> by Janet Mock\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/How-We-Fight-for-Our-Lives/Saeed-Jones/9781501132735\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Fight for Our Lives \u003c/a>by Saeed Jones\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.alokvmenon.com/store/beyondthebinary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Beyond the Gender Binary\u003c/a> by Alok Vaid-Menon\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/549841/there-will-be-no-miracles-here-by-casey-gerald/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There Will Be No Miracles Here\u003c/a> by Casey Gerald\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781555977856?aff=NPR\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Don’t Call Us Dead\u003c/a> by Danez Smith\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.boldtypebooks.com/titles/darnell-l-moore/no-ashes-in-the-fire/9781549168727/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America\u003c/a> by Darnell L. Moore\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.roxanegay.com/writing/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Roxane Gay\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374312718\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">All Boys Aren’t Blue\u003c/a> by George M. Johnson\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended for Parents:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://pflag.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">PFLAG\u003c/a> – The first and largest organization for LGBTQ+ people, their parents and families, and allies.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0912583/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">For The Bible Tells Me So\u003c/a> film\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/family-friends/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Trevor Project\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.lambdalegal.org/know-your-rights/article/youth-info-for-families\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lambda Legal\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thefamilypartnership.org/programsservices/counseling/transgender-mental-health/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Family Partnership\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bookriot.com/2018/10/10/books-for-parents-of-lgbt-kids/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">20 Books for Parents of LGBT Kids\u003c/a> by Book Riot\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PRIDE Events:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/tips/pride-events-you-can-attend-home-underground-zoom-parties-virtual-pridemobile/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">10 Pride events you can attend from home\u003c/a> from Washington Post\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.globalpride2020.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Global Pride\u003c/a> – virtual, Saturday, June 27\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/NYCPride\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">New York City\u003c/a> – virtual, Sunday, June 14 to Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.sfpride.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">San Francisco\u003c/a> – virtual, Saturday, June 27 and Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.bostonpride.org/2020/06/boston-pride-postpones-most-virtual-events-shifting-focus-to-events-that-support-the-black-and-brown-community/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Boston\u003c/a> – virtual, starting Friday, June 19\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.oregonlive.com/events/2020/06/portland-pride-2020-goes-virtual-to-celebrate-community-inclusion-during-coronavirus-pandemic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Portland\u003c/a> – virtual, starting Saturday, June 13\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.cincinnatiblackpride.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Cincinnati Black Pride\u003c/a> – virtual, Thursday, June 25 to Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.pridetoronto.com/virtualpride/virtual-pride-stay-home-saturdays/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Toronto’s Stay Home Saturdays\u003c/a> – virtual, every week starting Saturday, June 6\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nycpride.org/events/pride-2020-dragfest\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride 2020 Drag Fest\u003c/a> – virtual, Friday, June 19 to Sunday, June 21\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://rdjrefugeeshelter.org/pride\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">LGBTQ Digtial PRIDE And Migration 2020\u003c/a> – virtual, Sunday June 21\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"title": "Coming Out While Staying In: Dealing With Homophobia At Home | KQED",
"description": "June is Pride month and COVID-19 has altered the ways the LGBTQ can celebrate together. For many, the uprisings have been a reminder that Pride started as a riot and that Black Lives Matter includes Black trans, queer, non-binary and gender-nonconforming people. In this week’s episode, host Tonya Mosley is joined by Steven Canals, the co-creator and executive producer of the FX television show "Pose" to answer this listener question: Hey, Truth Be Told, I'm actually the president of the LGBT POC organization here at Michigan State. I did come out to my mom. I feel like every time we",
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"headline": "Coming Out While Staying In: Dealing With Homophobia At Home",
"datePublished": "2020-06-18T00:01:24-07:00",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-504\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/TBT_carddeck_s2ep8.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>June is Pride month and COVID-19 has altered the ways the LGBTQ can celebrate together. For many, the uprisings have been a reminder that \u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/this-year-pride-is-about-rebellion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride started as a riot\u003c/a> and that Black Lives Matter includes Black trans, queer, non-binary and gender-nonconforming people. In this week’s episode, host Tonya Mosley is joined by \u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6955079/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Steven Canals\u003c/a>, the co-creator and executive producer of the FX television show “Pose” to answer this listener question:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Hey, Truth Be Told, I’m actually the president of the LGBT POC organization here at Michigan State. I did come out to my mom. I feel like every time we have the conversations, I’m coming out again. But the issue that I’ve been dealing with is not blatant homophobia, where she’s just like calling me names like dyke or faggot or something like that. It’s more of a you know, “You think that girl is pretty?” It’s that stereotype or you know, “are you looking at the girls in the locker room?” or “let me not change in here because, you know, women like women these days.” And I’m just like, what are you talking about?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And I’m going back and forth like explaining to my mom because we have a rough relationship already that this is not like a choice. I need her to know that this is something I’ve been feeling since I was small. So how could it possibly have been a choice? Because I feel like she thinks I’m choosing to like women or I’m choosing to go against the heterosexual norm. But that’s not true. So I’m just like, how do I say something in a respectful way, but also in a way that’s kind of aggressive. Like you can’t say things like that to me and expect me to still be around and be respectful towards you because you’re constantly disrespecting me. It’s hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There’s a don’t ask, don’t tell policy in the house. So we kind of just don’t touch on it at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>– Disrespected in Detroit\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Before television, Canals worked for almost a decade in higher education as a college administrator so he is more than familiar with the complicated relationships young LGBTQ people have with their families. His immediate advice is to search for a PFLAG chapter — parents, families and friends of the Lesbian, Gay and Bi, Trans and Queer community. “It sounds like Mom just needs to talk to other parents,” said Canals. “Hopefully having a conversation with other parents of LGBTQ children will aid in her having someone to talk to about whatever her fears may be and recognizing that her daughter can absolutely have a full life.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Canals says too often members of marginalized groups put in a teaching position. “My attitude is, you have to self-educate. It is not the responsibility of your daughter or us within the community to teach you,” Canal says. “I would hope that her mother would at some point say to herself, you know, I have a daughter who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community and I now need to go out and find all the resources so that I can be a better parent to my daughter.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the global pandemic continues and shelter-in-place restrictions remain, Canals suggests connecting virtually with chosen family, people that support and not harm you and are not blood family. Although not ideal, Canals believes it is a way for our question-asker to continue being their full authentic self. In the same vein, Canals recommends upholding boundaries to create space for self-love and to prevent retraumatization. “If that means they are sharing the same space, but aren’t necessarily sharing words, then so be it,” said Canals. “This expectation that we are going to continue to put ourselves in the position of being the teacher and then being hurt… I just don’t subscribe to that.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Canals said before you engage in this conversation, reflect on the lessons your parents gave you and use them to remind your parents how much of them lives in you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Communicate to your mom that this isn’t about being disrespectful to her or disrespecting the fact that you’re living under her roof, but that you are being respectful of yourself. Turn it around and talk about the tools and the teachings that you received from your parent. Those were conversations that I had with my parent when I came out. There is a way that you taught me to be. I understand that me speaking your truth right now may be hurtful to you, but you are the ones who parent me and gave me the lesson that it is important to always speak my truth and to walk in it so that’s what I am doing. And that is hurtful or problematic for you — that’s on you. You have to deal with that. But I’m not going to dim my own shine, and I’m certainly not going to [not] speak my truth because you have a problem with it.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>The coronavirus has left Disrespected in Detroit unemployed, unable to start her post-college career and dependent on her mother for basic necessities. Canals recommends establishing financial independence but recognizes that it is even tougher to do right now. In order to survive the day-to-day, he says “as soul-crushing as it is, not engaging in conversations with your family around your identity may just have to be a part of what you do to survive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the future, it may be important to ask your family, “how well do you really want to know me?” said Canals. “Because there is a whole part of my life that you’re asking for me to hide.” The answer to this question can be heartbreaking but Canals is an optimist: “Let’s just hope that even if it isn’t now, that at some point in the near future, that they will come around and they will say, ‘Listen, I made a mistake. I do want to know you. I want to know who you are. I want to be a part of your life.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Pose” is now streaming on Netflix and Canals hopes it serves as a reprieve from everything that’s happening to celebrate family, love and community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/18NGfm9W9lTSWvvMSIAomP6Ub3GpbM7r9/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6955079/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Steven Canals\u003c/a>, screenwriter, producer, co-creator and executive-producer of FX television show \u003cem>Pose\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ep4xp4/black-trans-protesters-are-marching-for-another-police-killing-cis-people-arent-talking-about-tony-mcdade?utm_campaign=sharebutton\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Black Trans Protesters Are Marching for a Police Killing That Cis People Aren’t Talking About: Tony McDade\u003c/a> by Tomas Navia and Sam Donnenberg\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/this-year-pride-is-about-rebellion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride Is and Always Was About Rebellion, This Year More Than Ever\u003c/a> by George M. Thompson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.them.us/story/men-attacked-iyanna-dior-black-trans-woman-minneapolis\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Group of Men Attacked Iyanna Dior, a Black Trans Woman, in Minneapolis\u003c/a> from Wren Sanders\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-activists-nyc-la-reimagine-pride-marches-solidarity-protests-n1225216\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">LGBTQ activists in NYC, LA reimagine pride marches as solidarity protests\u003c/a> from Tim Fitzsimons\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.out.com/print/2019/11/20/how-we-can-end-violence-against-trans-women-color\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Can End the Violence Against Trans Women of Color\u003c/a> by Raquel Willis\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/giovannis-room-james-baldwin/1102811420\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Giovanni’s Room\u003c/a> by James Baldwin\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/198090/zami-a-new-spelling-of-my-name-by-audre-geraldine-lorde/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">ZAMI: A New Spelling of My Name\u003c/a> by Audre Lorde\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/black-like-us-devon-w-carbado/1101175249\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Black Like Us: A Century of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual African American Fiction\u003c/a> by Devon W. Carbado, Dwight McBride\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781608466115\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Build Yourself A Boat\u003c/a> by Camonghne Felix\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781684704675\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Marked Ones: Uprising\u003c/a> by TreVaughn Malik Roach-Carter\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9780525555483\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Stars and The Blackness Between Them\u003c/a> by Junauda Petrus\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781250153920\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">A Dream So Dark \u003c/a>by LL McKinney\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781624147999\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">By Any Means Necessary\u003c/a> by Candice Montgomery\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.acre-books.com/books/hoodwitch/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Hood Witch\u003c/a> by Faylita Hicks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.powells.com/book/-9781984829962\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Full Disclosure\u003c/a> by Camryn Garrett\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://books.google.com/books/about/Some_of_Us_Did_Not_Die.html?id=OCoOAVIT7MMC\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Some of Us Did Not Die\u003c/a> by June Jordan\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nypl.org/blog/2018/06/22/where-start-octavia-butler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Where to Start with Octavia Butler\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0972658408/?linkCode=ogi&tag=oprah-auto-20&ascsubtag=%5Bartid%7C10072.g.27455697%5Bsrc%7C%5Bch%7C%5Blt%7C\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Red Dirt Revival\u003c/a> by Tim’m West\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://janetmock.com/books/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Redefining Realness\u003c/a> by Janet Mock\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/How-We-Fight-for-Our-Lives/Saeed-Jones/9781501132735\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">How We Fight for Our Lives \u003c/a>by Saeed Jones\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.alokvmenon.com/store/beyondthebinary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Beyond the Gender Binary\u003c/a> by Alok Vaid-Menon\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/549841/there-will-be-no-miracles-here-by-casey-gerald/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">There Will Be No Miracles Here\u003c/a> by Casey Gerald\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781555977856?aff=NPR\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Don’t Call Us Dead\u003c/a> by Danez Smith\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.boldtypebooks.com/titles/darnell-l-moore/no-ashes-in-the-fire/9781549168727/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America\u003c/a> by Darnell L. Moore\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.roxanegay.com/writing/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Roxane Gay\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780374312718\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">All Boys Aren’t Blue\u003c/a> by George M. Johnson\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended for Parents:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://pflag.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">PFLAG\u003c/a> – The first and largest organization for LGBTQ+ people, their parents and families, and allies.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0912583/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">For The Bible Tells Me So\u003c/a> film\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/family-friends/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Trevor Project\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.lambdalegal.org/know-your-rights/article/youth-info-for-families\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lambda Legal\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thefamilypartnership.org/programsservices/counseling/transgender-mental-health/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Family Partnership\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bookriot.com/2018/10/10/books-for-parents-of-lgbt-kids/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">20 Books for Parents of LGBT Kids\u003c/a> by Book Riot\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PRIDE Events:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/tips/pride-events-you-can-attend-home-underground-zoom-parties-virtual-pridemobile/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">10 Pride events you can attend from home\u003c/a> from Washington Post\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.globalpride2020.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Global Pride\u003c/a> – virtual, Saturday, June 27\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/NYCPride\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">New York City\u003c/a> – virtual, Sunday, June 14 to Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.sfpride.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">San Francisco\u003c/a> – virtual, Saturday, June 27 and Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.bostonpride.org/2020/06/boston-pride-postpones-most-virtual-events-shifting-focus-to-events-that-support-the-black-and-brown-community/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Boston\u003c/a> – virtual, starting Friday, June 19\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.oregonlive.com/events/2020/06/portland-pride-2020-goes-virtual-to-celebrate-community-inclusion-during-coronavirus-pandemic.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Portland\u003c/a> – virtual, starting Saturday, June 13\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.cincinnatiblackpride.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Cincinnati Black Pride\u003c/a> – virtual, Thursday, June 25 to Sunday, June 28\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.pridetoronto.com/virtualpride/virtual-pride-stay-home-saturdays/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Toronto’s Stay Home Saturdays\u003c/a> – virtual, every week starting Saturday, June 6\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nycpride.org/events/pride-2020-dragfest\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pride 2020 Drag Fest\u003c/a> – virtual, Friday, June 19 to Sunday, June 21\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://rdjrefugeeshelter.org/pride\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">LGBTQ Digtial PRIDE And Migration 2020\u003c/a> – virtual, Sunday June 21\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "protesting-for-the-soul-of-america-the-new-civil-rights-movement",
"title": "Protesting for the Soul of America: The New Civil Rights Movement",
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"headTitle": "Protesting for the Soul of America: The New Civil Rights Movement | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-480\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We have been watching the uprisings across the country calling for justice, not just for George Floyd, but for all Black Americans. It has been 53 years since this country experienced unrest of this magnitude with the \u003ca href=\"https://www.britannica.com/story/the-riots-of-the-long-hot-summer\">Long, Hot Summer of 1967\u003c/a>. Writer and podcaster \u003ca href=\"http://www.carvellwallace.com/\">Carvell Wallace\u003c/a> wrote on \u003ca href=\"https://timeline.com/long-hot-summer-riots-8db9fff6c9c1\">Timeline\u003c/a> about these riots and how for Black Americans they were a spiritual impulse rather than a political strategy. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>In the summer of 1967, the city of Detroit burned. Milwaukee, Buffalo, Cincinnati, and Newark were engulfed in flames. Even forgotten towns like Cairo, Illinois and Cambridge, Maryland descended, for some nights in that torrid summer, into anarchy. The havoc seemed to be catching. The fire in one town sparked the fire in the next. America seemed to be coming undone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yet for most Americans the riots of that summer were viewed from afar, through the lens of the evening news and front-page headlines. They were not seeing their own homes burned, their own streets occupied by uniformed troops. From this safe distance, the uprisings looked like senseless violence, the reckless and shortsighted actions of a damaged people, a people with no strategy, no hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the truth of riots is something entirely different, something entirely more sacred.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>America is an unsettled land. And it remains so because it was founded on white supremacy, and white supremacy is, by nature, an unsettling force. The centuries-long attempt to subdue the continent and nakedly ransack its resources only for the benefit of some creates a vast army of angry people who will forever — for the sake of their children, for the sake of themselves — be forced to resist. Far from an ugly side effect of our nation’s character, white supremacy is a core American principle. In Mein Kampf, Hitler even identified the United States, with its Jim Crow laws and forbiddance of interracial marriage, as the “one state” that knew how to effectively create a second class of citizenry. That the American experiment provided the primary source material for the same violent German regime from which it claimed to be saving the planet is the contradiction between what this country says it is and what it does. It is, at its very core, the uniquely American distinction between ideals and action. This country didn’t just end up this way. It was made this way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be Black in a country like this is to forge your entire life in the dank valley between America’s ideals and actions. We are told that we have been created equally, but we are treated as a separate class. We are told that we live in a nation of laws, but we watch as violence is visited upon our families with no hope of legal recourse. To be Black (and survive) in America is to be of dual consciousness. On the one hand, you must believe what all humans must believe in order to survive: that you have a future, that your children will be safe and cared for, that things will, somehow, some way, get better. On the other hand, your very survival depends on never trusting, on seeing the ugly truth for what it is, on remaining ever vigilant for where and how precisely you are being conned. To keep safe you must expect to be attacked. To be Black and live is to constantly expect to die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is a fucked-up forced duality. And an unsustainable one. “No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude,” Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” For Black people in America, the psychic toll of having to tie your fate, the fate of your family, to a world designed to subjugate you can only be withstood for so long. Eventually, inevitably, a truer, more direct action calls. And often that action is abrupt. It is violent and and it is loud. It is sparked by anything that underscores the maddening discrepancy between what we deserve as human beings and what we experience as Black human beings. A police murder of an unarmed child, savage beatings delivered by the same government forces charged with keeping us safe, or, as in the case of the Roxbury riots that began on June 2, 1967 and served as a starter pistol for an entire summer of unrest, the simple inability of a group of mothers to feed their children. No matter the cause, once the fury has been released, it is undiscerning and inhuman. It blindly and dispassionately consumes everything in its path. Buildings crumble and fires burn and glass rains down upon everyone, even the children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The charge is often levied by those watching, safely, comfortably aghast from their easy chairs and davenports that these riots amount to little more than a self-destructive tantrum. Why, it is asked, would these people burn down their own neighborhoods? Someone more sympathetic, but still removed, might argue that a riot is the only way for a desperate people to gain the attention their plight deserves. The problem with both of these readings is that they assume the spontaneous uprising to be tactical, a coordinated strategic attempt to bring about a particular social or political change. It is not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The stores, the government offices, even the homes belong to others. They belong to landowners, or banks — financial or municipal systems that employ no Black people, support no Black people, and seem to care little for Black people. If your family has been in this country for centuries, has provided the free labor that has built much of the institutional wealth here, and yet is called lazy and shiftless, treated as something less than a citizen, something less than a human, finds every attempt at advancement dogged and thwarted by burning crosses, nighttime mobs, and racist policies until you are redlined into forgotten and decaying neighborhoods, owned by systems that purposefully exclude you, left to fight with one another for resources, for stability and safety, it would make sense that a point would come in which the only emotionally and spiritually honest act would be to see it all destroyed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A riot is not a tactical decision for political gain. It is a liturgy. It is a spiritual grasping for emotional justice, for an assertion of self. It is an attempt to bring back into wholeness that which has been split. It is meant to reify the dual senses of life and death, hope and fury, that circumscribe the Black experience. The flames of a riot are dramatic and angry. They are destructive and a violation of the most core aspects that bind our society together. And yet they are honest and true, dispassionate and inevitable. And by the time they arrive, they have been crying for centuries to be set free so they can do the work of consuming every little shop and bank, every receipt and toy, every pencil and photocopied government form that has played a part, no matter how small, in your continued oppression. When Jeremiah in the Old Testament was told he must not speak the name of the Lord for fear of persecution, he remarked that “his word is in my heart like a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” In our days of darkest rage, the word of the Lord comes in the form of fire. In our days of darkest rage, fire is the only thing that makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be white in America is to be watching riots from afar. It is to know little of fire shut up in one’s bones. To be white in America is to be innocent. Not of the crime, but of the knowledge of the crime. “People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction,” James Baldwin observed “and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.” The function of whiteness is to allow certain people that innocence, indeed to create and maintain an infrastructure for it. Not only an innocence from the violence that makes the idea of America possible, but an innocence from the monstrosity that must be called forth to be free of that violence. An innocence of your own guilt. In that way, whiteness is, at it’s core, America’s primary ideal. Well meaning and murderous. Honorable and ignorant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And yet on the horizon, visible from the whittled down lawns and decks of conscientiously chosen wood, there is an amber glow, a blanket of thick, acrid smoke, the smell of burning plastic and gasoline. Bodies lay unmoving on the asphalt. Your government has sent its troops. The clack of gunfire echoes from the acacia trees. The people wish for the lights of fire to illuminate your monstrosity, to usher in the end of your innocence. The people wish for you to see them made complete.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>As we see the focus turn once again on looters, destruction of property and dichotomies of peaceful versus violent protest, we continue to ignore the issue at hand — in this country, Black Americans are dying because of racism, white supremacy and capitalism. COVID-19 continues to show us the health disparities and economic inequities experienced by Black Americans. The global pandemic and racism in America are public health crises that have contributed to the lifetime of extreme trauma. Wise One \u003ca href=\"https://aas.princeton.edu/people/eddie-s-glaude-jr\">Eddie Glaude\u003c/a> describes this moment we’re in — as the expression of “an accumulated grievance” for Black people. Glaude is chair of the Department of African American Studies at Princeton University and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/575725/begin-again-by-eddie-s-glaude-jr/\">Begin Again\u003c/a>“. He joined host Tonya Mosley to talk about the nationwide protests and what justice looks like. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I used to think about 1967 and ’68, I always thought I was born out of space and out of time. If I was [alive] back then, I would have been in the Black Panthers handing out breakfast and working with SNCC [Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee]. I always think that I was born out of space and out of time, not understanding that I would be 51 years old in this time. In a time that we never could have imagined. And so I’m so angry all the time because we could be better. This is voluntary evil. People are choosing this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Glaude talked about the levels of understanding on what it means to be Black in America. For Mosley, she had understood its meaning on an intellectual and emotional level, but in this moment in time, she is feeling the depths of that emotional understanding for the first time. Glaude responded, “I don’t want to confuse that with the joy. The absolute pleasure of being Black. It being this body, and having the inheritance that makes me who I am. But, to revel in the beauty of Black life amid the tragedy of white folks’ craziness, that’s the balance I’m trying to render.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s in that celebration of Blackness where James Baldwin’s words reverberated into the conversation. Glaude paraphrases Baldwin’s words from his book “The Fire Next Time”: “We can’t spend our energy trying to convince white folk to hold different commitments. We have to spend our energy building a world where those commitments have no quarter to breathe. You see the move? So it’s not about them. It’s not about our salvation being contingent upon them realizing whiteness is evil. No, no, no. It’s about us building a world with those who are like-minded, who are willing to step outside of the straightjackets of these categories. And to imagine a world that is just, that allows us to imagine ourselves in the fullness of the creation that we are.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recognizing the young people who are protesting across the country, Mosley asked Glaude for his words of advice to them: “Keep fighting with courage and commitment in the face of unimaginable challenge. We need you, desperately. It’s your time. Seek complexity and nuance. And fight for your mommas and your daddies and children. Fight for the people you love. Fight for love. We got your back.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CMVe3HbwSSSs27Cfj3M5rAj8lcrr8lYL/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.carvellwallace.com/\">Carvell Wallace\u003c/a>, New York Times bestselling author, memoirist and award-winning podcaster who covers race, arts, culture, film and music for a wide variety of news outlets.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://aas.princeton.edu/people/eddie-s-glaude-jr\">Dr. Eddie S. Glaude Jr.\u003c/a>, James S. McDonnell Distinguished University Professor, chair of the Department of African American Studies at Princeton University and author of “Begin Again”.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://timeline.com/long-hot-summer-riots-8db9fff6c9c1\">If you’re black in America, riots are a spiritual impulse not a political strategy\u003c/a> by Carvell Wallace\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a32712287/cnn-omar-jimenez-arrest-response/\">It Does Not Matter If You Are Good\u003c/a> by R. Eric Thomas\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/becoming-a-parent-in-the-age-of-black-lives-matter/612448/\">Becoming a Parent in the Age of Black Lives Matter\u003c/a> by Clint Smith\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/10/too-short-lives-black-men/600628/\">The Greatest White Privilege Is Life Itself \u003c/a>by Ibram X. Kendi\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/CAygyzKgS9n/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link\">Resources for Racial Trauma\u003c/a> curated by Latinx Therapy\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://mailchi.mp/irresistible/healing-resistance-4190978\">Resources For Responding to Racialized Trauma\u003c/a> gathered by “Irresistible Movements” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13881199/5-ways-to-show-up-for-racial-justice-today\">5 Ways to Show Up for Racial Justice Today\u003c/a> from KQED\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.dismantlingracism.org/uploads/4/3/5/7/43579015/whitesupcul13.pdf\">White Supremacy Culture\u003c/a> by Tema Okun from dRworks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/damage-white-onlookers-inflict/612583/\">You Should Be Feeling Miserable\u003c/a> by Rebecca Carroll\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bellocollective.com/16-podcasts-that-confront-racism-in-america-f8f69baf529d\">21 Podcasts That Confront Racism in America\u003c/a> from Bello Collective\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5LPHqAE1tq3wj6vFr1ZMcT?si=mFiFEFczREypEINB7UZ8rg\">Collective Grief & Healing: Nap Ministry Spotify Playlist\u003c/a> curated by Tricia Hersey-Patrick\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/29/865261916/a-decade-of-watching-black-people-die\">A Decade of Watching Black People Die\u003c/a> from NPR’s “Code Switch”\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"title": "Protesting for the Soul of America: The New Civil Rights Movement | KQED",
"description": "We have been watching the uprisings across the country calling for justice, not just for George Floyd, but for all Black Americans. It has been 53 years since this country experienced unrest of this magnitude with the Long, Hot Summer of 1967. Writer and podcaster Carvell Wallace wrote on Timeline about these riots and how for Black Americans they were a spiritual impulse rather than a political strategy. In the summer of 1967, the city of Detroit burned. Milwaukee, Buffalo, Cincinnati, and Newark were engulfed in flames. Even forgotten towns like Cairo, Illinois and Cambridge, Maryland descended, for some nights",
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"headline": "Protesting for the Soul of America: The New Civil Rights Movement",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-480\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/06/Ep7.5header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We have been watching the uprisings across the country calling for justice, not just for George Floyd, but for all Black Americans. It has been 53 years since this country experienced unrest of this magnitude with the \u003ca href=\"https://www.britannica.com/story/the-riots-of-the-long-hot-summer\">Long, Hot Summer of 1967\u003c/a>. Writer and podcaster \u003ca href=\"http://www.carvellwallace.com/\">Carvell Wallace\u003c/a> wrote on \u003ca href=\"https://timeline.com/long-hot-summer-riots-8db9fff6c9c1\">Timeline\u003c/a> about these riots and how for Black Americans they were a spiritual impulse rather than a political strategy. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>In the summer of 1967, the city of Detroit burned. Milwaukee, Buffalo, Cincinnati, and Newark were engulfed in flames. Even forgotten towns like Cairo, Illinois and Cambridge, Maryland descended, for some nights in that torrid summer, into anarchy. The havoc seemed to be catching. The fire in one town sparked the fire in the next. America seemed to be coming undone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yet for most Americans the riots of that summer were viewed from afar, through the lens of the evening news and front-page headlines. They were not seeing their own homes burned, their own streets occupied by uniformed troops. From this safe distance, the uprisings looked like senseless violence, the reckless and shortsighted actions of a damaged people, a people with no strategy, no hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the truth of riots is something entirely different, something entirely more sacred.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>America is an unsettled land. And it remains so because it was founded on white supremacy, and white supremacy is, by nature, an unsettling force. The centuries-long attempt to subdue the continent and nakedly ransack its resources only for the benefit of some creates a vast army of angry people who will forever — for the sake of their children, for the sake of themselves — be forced to resist. Far from an ugly side effect of our nation’s character, white supremacy is a core American principle. In Mein Kampf, Hitler even identified the United States, with its Jim Crow laws and forbiddance of interracial marriage, as the “one state” that knew how to effectively create a second class of citizenry. That the American experiment provided the primary source material for the same violent German regime from which it claimed to be saving the planet is the contradiction between what this country says it is and what it does. It is, at its very core, the uniquely American distinction between ideals and action. This country didn’t just end up this way. It was made this way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be Black in a country like this is to forge your entire life in the dank valley between America’s ideals and actions. We are told that we have been created equally, but we are treated as a separate class. We are told that we live in a nation of laws, but we watch as violence is visited upon our families with no hope of legal recourse. To be Black (and survive) in America is to be of dual consciousness. On the one hand, you must believe what all humans must believe in order to survive: that you have a future, that your children will be safe and cared for, that things will, somehow, some way, get better. On the other hand, your very survival depends on never trusting, on seeing the ugly truth for what it is, on remaining ever vigilant for where and how precisely you are being conned. To keep safe you must expect to be attacked. To be Black and live is to constantly expect to die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is a fucked-up forced duality. And an unsustainable one. “No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude,” Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” For Black people in America, the psychic toll of having to tie your fate, the fate of your family, to a world designed to subjugate you can only be withstood for so long. Eventually, inevitably, a truer, more direct action calls. And often that action is abrupt. It is violent and and it is loud. It is sparked by anything that underscores the maddening discrepancy between what we deserve as human beings and what we experience as Black human beings. A police murder of an unarmed child, savage beatings delivered by the same government forces charged with keeping us safe, or, as in the case of the Roxbury riots that began on June 2, 1967 and served as a starter pistol for an entire summer of unrest, the simple inability of a group of mothers to feed their children. No matter the cause, once the fury has been released, it is undiscerning and inhuman. It blindly and dispassionately consumes everything in its path. Buildings crumble and fires burn and glass rains down upon everyone, even the children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The charge is often levied by those watching, safely, comfortably aghast from their easy chairs and davenports that these riots amount to little more than a self-destructive tantrum. Why, it is asked, would these people burn down their own neighborhoods? Someone more sympathetic, but still removed, might argue that a riot is the only way for a desperate people to gain the attention their plight deserves. The problem with both of these readings is that they assume the spontaneous uprising to be tactical, a coordinated strategic attempt to bring about a particular social or political change. It is not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The stores, the government offices, even the homes belong to others. They belong to landowners, or banks — financial or municipal systems that employ no Black people, support no Black people, and seem to care little for Black people. If your family has been in this country for centuries, has provided the free labor that has built much of the institutional wealth here, and yet is called lazy and shiftless, treated as something less than a citizen, something less than a human, finds every attempt at advancement dogged and thwarted by burning crosses, nighttime mobs, and racist policies until you are redlined into forgotten and decaying neighborhoods, owned by systems that purposefully exclude you, left to fight with one another for resources, for stability and safety, it would make sense that a point would come in which the only emotionally and spiritually honest act would be to see it all destroyed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A riot is not a tactical decision for political gain. It is a liturgy. It is a spiritual grasping for emotional justice, for an assertion of self. It is an attempt to bring back into wholeness that which has been split. It is meant to reify the dual senses of life and death, hope and fury, that circumscribe the Black experience. The flames of a riot are dramatic and angry. They are destructive and a violation of the most core aspects that bind our society together. And yet they are honest and true, dispassionate and inevitable. And by the time they arrive, they have been crying for centuries to be set free so they can do the work of consuming every little shop and bank, every receipt and toy, every pencil and photocopied government form that has played a part, no matter how small, in your continued oppression. When Jeremiah in the Old Testament was told he must not speak the name of the Lord for fear of persecution, he remarked that “his word is in my heart like a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” In our days of darkest rage, the word of the Lord comes in the form of fire. In our days of darkest rage, fire is the only thing that makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To be white in America is to be watching riots from afar. It is to know little of fire shut up in one’s bones. To be white in America is to be innocent. Not of the crime, but of the knowledge of the crime. “People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction,” James Baldwin observed “and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.” The function of whiteness is to allow certain people that innocence, indeed to create and maintain an infrastructure for it. Not only an innocence from the violence that makes the idea of America possible, but an innocence from the monstrosity that must be called forth to be free of that violence. An innocence of your own guilt. In that way, whiteness is, at it’s core, America’s primary ideal. Well meaning and murderous. Honorable and ignorant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And yet on the horizon, visible from the whittled down lawns and decks of conscientiously chosen wood, there is an amber glow, a blanket of thick, acrid smoke, the smell of burning plastic and gasoline. Bodies lay unmoving on the asphalt. Your government has sent its troops. The clack of gunfire echoes from the acacia trees. The people wish for the lights of fire to illuminate your monstrosity, to usher in the end of your innocence. The people wish for you to see them made complete.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>As we see the focus turn once again on looters, destruction of property and dichotomies of peaceful versus violent protest, we continue to ignore the issue at hand — in this country, Black Americans are dying because of racism, white supremacy and capitalism. COVID-19 continues to show us the health disparities and economic inequities experienced by Black Americans. The global pandemic and racism in America are public health crises that have contributed to the lifetime of extreme trauma. Wise One \u003ca href=\"https://aas.princeton.edu/people/eddie-s-glaude-jr\">Eddie Glaude\u003c/a> describes this moment we’re in — as the expression of “an accumulated grievance” for Black people. Glaude is chair of the Department of African American Studies at Princeton University and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/575725/begin-again-by-eddie-s-glaude-jr/\">Begin Again\u003c/a>“. He joined host Tonya Mosley to talk about the nationwide protests and what justice looks like. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I used to think about 1967 and ’68, I always thought I was born out of space and out of time. If I was [alive] back then, I would have been in the Black Panthers handing out breakfast and working with SNCC [Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee]. I always think that I was born out of space and out of time, not understanding that I would be 51 years old in this time. In a time that we never could have imagined. And so I’m so angry all the time because we could be better. This is voluntary evil. People are choosing this.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Glaude talked about the levels of understanding on what it means to be Black in America. For Mosley, she had understood its meaning on an intellectual and emotional level, but in this moment in time, she is feeling the depths of that emotional understanding for the first time. Glaude responded, “I don’t want to confuse that with the joy. The absolute pleasure of being Black. It being this body, and having the inheritance that makes me who I am. But, to revel in the beauty of Black life amid the tragedy of white folks’ craziness, that’s the balance I’m trying to render.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s in that celebration of Blackness where James Baldwin’s words reverberated into the conversation. Glaude paraphrases Baldwin’s words from his book “The Fire Next Time”: “We can’t spend our energy trying to convince white folk to hold different commitments. We have to spend our energy building a world where those commitments have no quarter to breathe. You see the move? So it’s not about them. It’s not about our salvation being contingent upon them realizing whiteness is evil. No, no, no. It’s about us building a world with those who are like-minded, who are willing to step outside of the straightjackets of these categories. And to imagine a world that is just, that allows us to imagine ourselves in the fullness of the creation that we are.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recognizing the young people who are protesting across the country, Mosley asked Glaude for his words of advice to them: “Keep fighting with courage and commitment in the face of unimaginable challenge. We need you, desperately. It’s your time. Seek complexity and nuance. And fight for your mommas and your daddies and children. Fight for the people you love. Fight for love. We got your back.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CMVe3HbwSSSs27Cfj3M5rAj8lcrr8lYL/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.carvellwallace.com/\">Carvell Wallace\u003c/a>, New York Times bestselling author, memoirist and award-winning podcaster who covers race, arts, culture, film and music for a wide variety of news outlets.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://aas.princeton.edu/people/eddie-s-glaude-jr\">Dr. Eddie S. Glaude Jr.\u003c/a>, James S. McDonnell Distinguished University Professor, chair of the Department of African American Studies at Princeton University and author of “Begin Again”.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://timeline.com/long-hot-summer-riots-8db9fff6c9c1\">If you’re black in America, riots are a spiritual impulse not a political strategy\u003c/a> by Carvell Wallace\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a32712287/cnn-omar-jimenez-arrest-response/\">It Does Not Matter If You Are Good\u003c/a> by R. Eric Thomas\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/becoming-a-parent-in-the-age-of-black-lives-matter/612448/\">Becoming a Parent in the Age of Black Lives Matter\u003c/a> by Clint Smith\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/10/too-short-lives-black-men/600628/\">The Greatest White Privilege Is Life Itself \u003c/a>by Ibram X. Kendi\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/CAygyzKgS9n/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link\">Resources for Racial Trauma\u003c/a> curated by Latinx Therapy\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://mailchi.mp/irresistible/healing-resistance-4190978\">Resources For Responding to Racialized Trauma\u003c/a> gathered by “Irresistible Movements” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13881199/5-ways-to-show-up-for-racial-justice-today\">5 Ways to Show Up for Racial Justice Today\u003c/a> from KQED\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.dismantlingracism.org/uploads/4/3/5/7/43579015/whitesupcul13.pdf\">White Supremacy Culture\u003c/a> by Tema Okun from dRworks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/06/damage-white-onlookers-inflict/612583/\">You Should Be Feeling Miserable\u003c/a> by Rebecca Carroll\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bellocollective.com/16-podcasts-that-confront-racism-in-america-f8f69baf529d\">21 Podcasts That Confront Racism in America\u003c/a> from Bello Collective\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5LPHqAE1tq3wj6vFr1ZMcT?si=mFiFEFczREypEINB7UZ8rg\">Collective Grief & Healing: Nap Ministry Spotify Playlist\u003c/a> curated by Tricia Hersey-Patrick\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/05/29/865261916/a-decade-of-watching-black-people-die\">A Decade of Watching Black People Die\u003c/a> from NPR’s “Code Switch”\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"title": "You’re OK, I’m Not: Black Men and Therapy",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-462\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We don’t discuss enough the emotional and mental health needs of black men. So in this week’s episode, we make space for it. Tonya Mosley sits down with three Wise Ones to answer our listener’s question: \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“Dear Truth Be Told, why is therapy so taboo in the black community, especially amongst black men?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>In order to answer this question, we need to talk about what it means to be a black man in America. Poet and writer \u003ca href=\"https://www.theprenticepowell.com/about\">Prentice Powell\u003c/a> kicks off the episode by performing a poem he wrote in 2014 after the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper. Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper while keeping a distance from my brother because I don’t trust him further than I can see him. It’s believing the cops don’t care about you. It’s learning how not to doubt yourself because when you’re born everyone else already does. It’s a love you have for your mother regardless of her flaws in dealing with your daddy issues so your son doesn’t have to. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is a gift. A blessing. A blessing God chose for me to receive because he believes I can handle it. It’s also a gamble. It’s knowing every time you step outside the world is a poker table and whether you like it or not your chips are all in. It is the grin you put on your face every time you feel pain just to let the world know they will not break you. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right after dropping down to your knees praying to God asking him to heal you because the pressure has gotten way too real so you pop 30 pills but it still doesn’t kill you but what will, is something as simple as going to the corner store without a pistol that’s tucked on your mother’s floorboard or what will is not detaching itself from your best friend’s dangerous lifestyle because you know your loyalty won’t let you because you know had he not been around when that incident went down you may not be here right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is Prentice Powell knowing I could have easily been Mike Brown hands up in the air screaming don’t shoot six bullets in your body face down on the ground. It is a spend your constantly finding ways of getting a fair swing at this gang without having the umpire tell you out before you even step to the plate it’s to work minimum wage and be paid in Crackerjacks as a whole world watches you with open eyes as you sif to get to the bottom of the box only to find out that there is no prize. It means that you can die with a pack of Skittles in your pocket. Have your murderer acquitted then deemed that’s a celebrity to participate in a boxing match against a washed up drug addict who used to rap. Have people looked just like you paid a seat on pay per view even though it won’t bring your life back. It means black boy black boy, turn your music down play it loud if you want but that may be the last gas you ever pump. Being a black man in America means stay out of Florida and I have a son who lives in Florida. It’s telling your children what they want but what they need to hear. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America has me telling my two boys at the age of 9 and 7 that they are already feared, being a black man in America not knowing how to swim yet still having to keep your head above water. It’s learning how to patch up your boat while teaching your children how to stay afloat, is to refrain from saying so many things that you want to say. It’s knowing when to run fast and walk slow because I know between me and you in this country it is already a race to the grave, being a black man in America is to literally possess everything that lacks in America. Why do you think they work so hard for us not to succeed. We are hypochondriacs of the soul who bleed when we speak. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is a full-time job you would never see a single penny for, there are no brakes, no time off no benefits. It is a lifelong commitment and an early death sentence to be a black man in America is to be a black man in America and unless you are a black man in America you will never understand what it’s like to be a black man in America. But please do not pity us, envy us. We are whole pieces of broken. Some too shattered to care and some of us, most of us, are just trying to put the pieces back together.\n\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This poem could have been written today with the death of Ahmaud Arbery in Brunswick, Georgia on Feb. 23, 2020, that attracted national attention almost two months later. Powell’s poem hones in on the lack of freedom and humanity black men experience. It’s a reality that \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Bakari_Sellers?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor\">Bakari Sellers\u003c/a>, attorney and CNN political commentator, agrees with. He wrote about his lifelong struggle with anxiety, distress and depression in a recently published memoir called “My Vanishing Country.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I vividly remember the hot summer evening when anxiety took hold of me and never released its grip. It was June 1996 and I was 11 years old riding my bike when my mother called me to come inside the house. It was nearly dark, but she was beckoning me because I had a telephone call. My friend Crystal was on the line. I heard her voice saying I called to let you know Al died. Everything went quiet except for a silent inner scream. Al is dead. Our friend Alfred McLennon was called Al. He was a year ahead of me in school. An upcoming ninth-grader at Orange or Wilkinson High School. Elena hooped together in middle school. We were not best friends, but his death changed my life.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sellers traces the loss of feeling invincible as a child to this moment. It was the start of many panic attacks, having trouble breathing, and fearing death. He says theories about what it means to be black man are out of date and are no longer effective. “We all say we won’t cheat on two people — our wives and our barber. I love my barber, [but] we need more therapy than just our barber.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sellers calls his anxiety his “superpower,” but says he understands mental health issues continue to be exacerbated by individuals who do not acknowledge the humanity of black men. So for Sellers, therapy is a must. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1753363/\">Karamo Brown\u003c/a>, host of Netflix’s “Queer Eye,” saved money in a jar on his desk to afford therapy. He says it was important for him to take care of himself emotionally and mentally. Since then, he’s been an advocate for therapy, and more so, connecting it to his faith and spirituality. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I actually put up a bulletin of available therapists [in my church] because I think if people are encouraging you to ‘just get to church,’ then why not bring the therapy to the church? There’s now an outlet where people can say, ‘Well, I’m not going against what my community has taught me … I can still do it.’ ” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From Brown’s personal and professional experience, he says he has learned that emotional and mental unhealthiness shows up as anger. And for many black men, Brown says, it is a result of a narrow definition of masculinity and a lack of space for exploring emotions. Brown suggests planting seeds of emotional language in black boys and men so they understand how to put words to their feelings. Some examples are, “Do you feel healthy today?” or, “What moment challenged you the most today?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to therapy, and making space for and modeling conversations on emotions, \u003ca href=\"http://ronfinley.com/\">Ron Finley\u003c/a> recommends gardening. Finley is an artist, designer and self-proclaimed gangsta gardener. He is famous for turning parkways in South Central Los Angeles into beautiful flower and food gardens while teaching black and brown youth the power and seduction of the soil. He says not only is gardening therapeutic, it is also freedom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s freedom in a sense of you’re learning how to fend for yourself. You’re not dependent on a system to feed you. I have seen people change in the garden. I’ve literally been able to witness that. And some of the testimonies that I get online that I’ve been getting for years … it’s some of the things [that] make you want to cry. They’re just so heartfelt that people didn’t know that we’d been separated from this earth for so many years. And it’s time for us to come back to it. It’s time for us to realize that we are a part of this planet,” Finley said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Therapy can look traditional, like going to a licensed therapist, but it can also be practiced in the day to day. Part of that is allowing the men in our lives to be vulnerable. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qlnHaSaoseLFFtcn2Afxkv-fuzxnVmd0/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nKaramo Brown — podcaster, author of the memoir, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Karamo-Story-Embracing-Purpose-Healing/dp/1982111976\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Karamo: My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing, and Hope\u003c/a>” and host of Netflix’s \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/80160037\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Queer Eye\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nBakari Sellers — attorney, politician and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062917455/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_gi0SEbRTZ6ET8\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">My Vanishing Country: A Memoir\u003c/a>”\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://ronfinley.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Ron Finley \u003c/a>— artist, designer and gangsta gardener\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mental Health Resources:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://blackmenheal.org/services/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Black Men Heal \u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2018/Challenging-Mental-Health-Stigma-in-the-Black-Comm\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">National Alliance on Mental Illness\u003c/a> (NAMI)\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://therapyforblackmen.org/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Therapy for Black Men \u003c/a>Directory\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.crisistextline.org/?mc_cid=bb67fa1f90&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Crisis Text Line\u003c/a> — 24/7\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://openpathcollective.org/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Open Path Psychotherapy Collective\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.talkspace.com/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Talkspace\u003c/a> — Get started with therapy right from your phone.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://helloalma.com/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Alma\u003c/a> — Available for teletherapy in the NY-area.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://liberatemeditation.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Liberate\u003c/a> — the only meditation app by and for the black & African diaspora\u003cbr>\nAtlanta African-American Men’s Counseling, Therapy & Life Coaching: \u003ca href=\"https://www.atlantablackmenscounseling.com/meet-jon\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Jon A. Parker, MAMFT, LPC, NCC\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Heavy\u003c/a> by Kiese Laymon\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Shook-One-Anxiety-Playing-Tricks/dp/1508258651\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Shook One: Anxiety Playing Tricks on Me\u003c/a> by Charlamagne Tha God\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/We-Real-Cool-Black-Masculinity/dp/0415969271\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity\u003c/a> by bell hooks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Four Agreements\u003c/a> by Don Miguel Ruiz\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Way of the Superior Man\u003c/a> by David Deida\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/STFM-Still-Trying-Forgive-Myself-ebook/dp/B087MZ1X36/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2EL6HR31J0NWM&dchild=1&keywords=still+trying+to+free+myself&qid=1589821397&s=books&sprefix=still+trying+to+%2Cstripbooks%2C211&sr=1-1\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">STFM: Still Trying to Find/Forgive/Free Myself\u003c/a> by QED Jones\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://letstalkbruh.libsyn.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Let’s Talk Bruh\u003c/a> podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/token-talk-podcast/e/48481677?autoplay=true\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">#YouGoodMan: Black Men and Mental Health\u003c/a> from “Token Talk” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/damon-young-kiese-laymon-death-sex-money\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Damon Young & Kiese Laymon: The “Good Dude” Closet\u003c/a> from “Death Sex and Money” podcast\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"title": "You’re OK, I’m Not: Black Men and Therapy | KQED",
"description": "We don’t discuss enough the emotional and mental health needs of black men. So in this week’s episode, we make space for it. Tonya Mosley sits down with three Wise Ones to answer our listener’s question: “Dear Truth Be Told, why is therapy so taboo in the black community, especially amongst black men?” In order to answer this question, we need to talk about what it means to be a black man in America. Poet and writer Prentice Powell kicks off the episode by performing a poem he wrote in 2014 after the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-462\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/05/Ep6header_00124.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We don’t discuss enough the emotional and mental health needs of black men. So in this week’s episode, we make space for it. Tonya Mosley sits down with three Wise Ones to answer our listener’s question: \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“Dear Truth Be Told, why is therapy so taboo in the black community, especially amongst black men?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>In order to answer this question, we need to talk about what it means to be a black man in America. Poet and writer \u003ca href=\"https://www.theprenticepowell.com/about\">Prentice Powell\u003c/a> kicks off the episode by performing a poem he wrote in 2014 after the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper. Being a black man in America means being my brother’s keeper while keeping a distance from my brother because I don’t trust him further than I can see him. It’s believing the cops don’t care about you. It’s learning how not to doubt yourself because when you’re born everyone else already does. It’s a love you have for your mother regardless of her flaws in dealing with your daddy issues so your son doesn’t have to. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is a gift. A blessing. A blessing God chose for me to receive because he believes I can handle it. It’s also a gamble. It’s knowing every time you step outside the world is a poker table and whether you like it or not your chips are all in. It is the grin you put on your face every time you feel pain just to let the world know they will not break you. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right after dropping down to your knees praying to God asking him to heal you because the pressure has gotten way too real so you pop 30 pills but it still doesn’t kill you but what will, is something as simple as going to the corner store without a pistol that’s tucked on your mother’s floorboard or what will is not detaching itself from your best friend’s dangerous lifestyle because you know your loyalty won’t let you because you know had he not been around when that incident went down you may not be here right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is Prentice Powell knowing I could have easily been Mike Brown hands up in the air screaming don’t shoot six bullets in your body face down on the ground. It is a spend your constantly finding ways of getting a fair swing at this gang without having the umpire tell you out before you even step to the plate it’s to work minimum wage and be paid in Crackerjacks as a whole world watches you with open eyes as you sif to get to the bottom of the box only to find out that there is no prize. It means that you can die with a pack of Skittles in your pocket. Have your murderer acquitted then deemed that’s a celebrity to participate in a boxing match against a washed up drug addict who used to rap. Have people looked just like you paid a seat on pay per view even though it won’t bring your life back. It means black boy black boy, turn your music down play it loud if you want but that may be the last gas you ever pump. Being a black man in America means stay out of Florida and I have a son who lives in Florida. It’s telling your children what they want but what they need to hear. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America has me telling my two boys at the age of 9 and 7 that they are already feared, being a black man in America not knowing how to swim yet still having to keep your head above water. It’s learning how to patch up your boat while teaching your children how to stay afloat, is to refrain from saying so many things that you want to say. It’s knowing when to run fast and walk slow because I know between me and you in this country it is already a race to the grave, being a black man in America is to literally possess everything that lacks in America. Why do you think they work so hard for us not to succeed. We are hypochondriacs of the soul who bleed when we speak. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being a black man in America is a full-time job you would never see a single penny for, there are no brakes, no time off no benefits. It is a lifelong commitment and an early death sentence to be a black man in America is to be a black man in America and unless you are a black man in America you will never understand what it’s like to be a black man in America. But please do not pity us, envy us. We are whole pieces of broken. Some too shattered to care and some of us, most of us, are just trying to put the pieces back together.\n\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This poem could have been written today with the death of Ahmaud Arbery in Brunswick, Georgia on Feb. 23, 2020, that attracted national attention almost two months later. Powell’s poem hones in on the lack of freedom and humanity black men experience. It’s a reality that \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Bakari_Sellers?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor\">Bakari Sellers\u003c/a>, attorney and CNN political commentator, agrees with. He wrote about his lifelong struggle with anxiety, distress and depression in a recently published memoir called “My Vanishing Country.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I vividly remember the hot summer evening when anxiety took hold of me and never released its grip. It was June 1996 and I was 11 years old riding my bike when my mother called me to come inside the house. It was nearly dark, but she was beckoning me because I had a telephone call. My friend Crystal was on the line. I heard her voice saying I called to let you know Al died. Everything went quiet except for a silent inner scream. Al is dead. Our friend Alfred McLennon was called Al. He was a year ahead of me in school. An upcoming ninth-grader at Orange or Wilkinson High School. Elena hooped together in middle school. We were not best friends, but his death changed my life.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sellers traces the loss of feeling invincible as a child to this moment. It was the start of many panic attacks, having trouble breathing, and fearing death. He says theories about what it means to be black man are out of date and are no longer effective. “We all say we won’t cheat on two people — our wives and our barber. I love my barber, [but] we need more therapy than just our barber.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sellers calls his anxiety his “superpower,” but says he understands mental health issues continue to be exacerbated by individuals who do not acknowledge the humanity of black men. So for Sellers, therapy is a must. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1753363/\">Karamo Brown\u003c/a>, host of Netflix’s “Queer Eye,” saved money in a jar on his desk to afford therapy. He says it was important for him to take care of himself emotionally and mentally. Since then, he’s been an advocate for therapy, and more so, connecting it to his faith and spirituality. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I actually put up a bulletin of available therapists [in my church] because I think if people are encouraging you to ‘just get to church,’ then why not bring the therapy to the church? There’s now an outlet where people can say, ‘Well, I’m not going against what my community has taught me … I can still do it.’ ” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>From Brown’s personal and professional experience, he says he has learned that emotional and mental unhealthiness shows up as anger. And for many black men, Brown says, it is a result of a narrow definition of masculinity and a lack of space for exploring emotions. Brown suggests planting seeds of emotional language in black boys and men so they understand how to put words to their feelings. Some examples are, “Do you feel healthy today?” or, “What moment challenged you the most today?”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to therapy, and making space for and modeling conversations on emotions, \u003ca href=\"http://ronfinley.com/\">Ron Finley\u003c/a> recommends gardening. Finley is an artist, designer and self-proclaimed gangsta gardener. He is famous for turning parkways in South Central Los Angeles into beautiful flower and food gardens while teaching black and brown youth the power and seduction of the soil. He says not only is gardening therapeutic, it is also freedom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s freedom in a sense of you’re learning how to fend for yourself. You’re not dependent on a system to feed you. I have seen people change in the garden. I’ve literally been able to witness that. And some of the testimonies that I get online that I’ve been getting for years … it’s some of the things [that] make you want to cry. They’re just so heartfelt that people didn’t know that we’d been separated from this earth for so many years. And it’s time for us to come back to it. It’s time for us to realize that we are a part of this planet,” Finley said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Therapy can look traditional, like going to a licensed therapist, but it can also be practiced in the day to day. Part of that is allowing the men in our lives to be vulnerable. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qlnHaSaoseLFFtcn2Afxkv-fuzxnVmd0/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nKaramo Brown — podcaster, author of the memoir, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Karamo-Story-Embracing-Purpose-Healing/dp/1982111976\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Karamo: My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing, and Hope\u003c/a>” and host of Netflix’s \u003ca href=\"https://www.netflix.com/title/80160037\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Queer Eye\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nBakari Sellers — attorney, politician and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062917455/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_gi0SEbRTZ6ET8\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">My Vanishing Country: A Memoir\u003c/a>”\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://ronfinley.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Ron Finley \u003c/a>— artist, designer and gangsta gardener\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mental Health Resources:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://blackmenheal.org/services/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Black Men Heal \u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2018/Challenging-Mental-Health-Stigma-in-the-Black-Comm\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">National Alliance on Mental Illness\u003c/a> (NAMI)\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://therapyforblackmen.org/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Therapy for Black Men \u003c/a>Directory\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.crisistextline.org/?mc_cid=bb67fa1f90&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Crisis Text Line\u003c/a> — 24/7\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Psychology Today\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://openpathcollective.org/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Open Path Psychotherapy Collective\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.talkspace.com/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Talkspace\u003c/a> — Get started with therapy right from your phone.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://helloalma.com/?mc_cid=c305a7100e&mc_eid=0f41fc3652\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Alma\u003c/a> — Available for teletherapy in the NY-area.\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://liberatemeditation.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Liberate\u003c/a> — the only meditation app by and for the black & African diaspora\u003cbr>\nAtlanta African-American Men’s Counseling, Therapy & Life Coaching: \u003ca href=\"https://www.atlantablackmenscounseling.com/meet-jon\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Jon A. Parker, MAMFT, LPC, NCC\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Heavy\u003c/a> by Kiese Laymon\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Shook-One-Anxiety-Playing-Tricks/dp/1508258651\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Shook One: Anxiety Playing Tricks on Me\u003c/a> by Charlamagne Tha God\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/We-Real-Cool-Black-Masculinity/dp/0415969271\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity\u003c/a> by bell hooks\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Four Agreements\u003c/a> by Don Miguel Ruiz\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Way of the Superior Man\u003c/a> by David Deida\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/STFM-Still-Trying-Forgive-Myself-ebook/dp/B087MZ1X36/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2EL6HR31J0NWM&dchild=1&keywords=still+trying+to+free+myself&qid=1589821397&s=books&sprefix=still+trying+to+%2Cstripbooks%2C211&sr=1-1\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">STFM: Still Trying to Find/Forgive/Free Myself\u003c/a> by QED Jones\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://letstalkbruh.libsyn.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Let’s Talk Bruh\u003c/a> podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/token-talk-podcast/e/48481677?autoplay=true\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">#YouGoodMan: Black Men and Mental Health\u003c/a> from “Token Talk” podcast\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/damon-young-kiese-laymon-death-sex-money\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Damon Young & Kiese Laymon: The “Good Dude” Closet\u003c/a> from “Death Sex and Money” podcast\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The global coronavirus pandemic is bringing mixed emotions to Mother’s Day this year. Many are grieving the loss of a mother and the inability to mourn or celebrate in person. Many are trying to reconnect after being estranged. And those who are estranged from their mothers or have strained relationships, the shelter-in-place mandate has not necessarily helped. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this week’s episode, Tonya Mosley sits down with comedian, actor and director \u003ca href=\"http://kulapvilaysack.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Kulap Vilaysack\u003c/a> to answer a listener question:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“How can I honor the respect and love that I have for my mother while also acknowledging that the relationship isn’t healthy for me?” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack was embarking on her own journey of motherhood when she decided to revisit her past through her documentary, “Origin Story.” At age 14, Vilaysack found out her father was not her biological father, and 20 years later she traveled to Laos to meet him for the first time. In the process, she keeps coming back to the complex relationship she has with her mother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of us Southeast Asian kids, we have similar tales. We stand on the shoulders of some very hurt people and that is not easy,” Vilaysack says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the episode, Vilaysack addresses the trauma immigrant and refugee families experience, which is passed on to children through culture and family environment. For both Vilaysack and our question asker, love from their mothers has existed amid addiction and abuse. Vilaysack says some hard lessons she has learned include the need to be a good mother to yourself, understanding parents are not the gatekeepers to culture and that mothers are flawed individuals. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Therapy has been essential, Vilaysack says, in order to mourn the loss of the mother-daughter relationship she wished for but never really had.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s truly a rewiring that needs to occur and it has to do with dealing with your side of the fence first,” Vilaysack says. “Meaning, going to therapy, doing the hard work on yourself before you can get to a place where things don’t affect [you] like they did before. Where things don’t cut anymore. You have to help yourself first before you can help other people.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack offers this mind exercise she’s done herself to start the process of mothering yourself and self-healing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1. Revisit a difficult memory that you have with your mom and your younger self.\u003cbr>\n2. Picture that memory and series of events.\u003cbr>\n3. Enter that memory as your adult self.\u003cbr>\n4. Step in front of your younger self and protect that version of you.\u003cbr>\n5. Your adult self tells your mom to go away for a little bit.\u003cbr>\n6. You hold your younger self, console her and tell her, “It’s not your fault.”\u003cbr>\n7. Do not deny what happened but let your younger self know that it’s going to be OK.\u003cbr>\n8. Take your younger self into a room where she feels safe and hand her a stuffed animal she loved.\u003cbr>\n9. Take a picture of this image. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack says this mind exercise is not to erase the past but heal the open wounds that still exist with your own love for yourself. For more context, listen to Vilaysack talk about the exercise in the episode. In addition to therapy and self-mothering, Vilaysack says it’s important to be surrounded by people who can affirm and love you how you want to be loved. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, what if you get to all of this and your decision is not to have a relationship with your mother? Our Wise One affirms that’s OK – the decision is not final. “You are the architect of your life and what this relationship is going to be,” Vilaysack says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ub7UippPt6uu1BMTKZGu1Y6hdesnjrDR/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guest:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://kulapvilaysack.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Kulap Vilaysack\u003c/a>, writer, actor, podcaster and director of her documentary, “Origin Story”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/600633/on-earth-were-briefly-gorgeous-by-ocean-vuong/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous\u003c/a> by Ocean Vuong\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://fierce.wearemitu.com/relationships/complex-relationship-between-latina-immigrant-mothers-daughters/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Complex Relationship Between Latina Immigrant Mothers and Their Daughters\u003c/a> by Nia Ita\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://madamenoire.com/1026019/the-strained-relationship-between-black-mothers-and-their-daughters/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Strained Relationship Between Black Mothers and Their Daughters\u003c/a> by Arah Iloabugichukwu\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Cope-Your-Latina-Difficulties/dp/1704366798\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">12 Ways to Cope With Your Latina Mom and Her Difficulties: A Guided Journal\u003c/a> by Jasmine Cepeda\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980389\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle \u003c/a>by Mark Wolynn\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Absent-Mother-Self-Healing-Getting/dp/1615190287\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed\u003c/a> by Jasmin Lee Cori\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.jstor.org/stable/27740582?seq=1\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Mothering Across Borders: Narratives of Immigrant Mothers in the United States\u003c/a> by Heather Hewett\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/586743/hood-feminism-by-mikki-kendall/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Hood Feminism: Notes From the Women That a Movement Forgot\u003c/a> by Mikki Kendall\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Native-Country-Heart-Cherr%C3%ADe-Moraga/dp/0374219664\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Native Country of the Heart: A Memoir\u003c/a> by Cherríe Moraga\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Luck-Club-Novel/dp/0143038095\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Joy Luck Club\u003c/a> by Amy Tan\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.mashupamericans.com/listen/podcast-ep-48-immigration/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Secret Lives Of Our Immigrant Parents \u003c/a>from The Mash-Up Americans \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/1800Ep5header_00124.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The global coronavirus pandemic is bringing mixed emotions to Mother’s Day this year. Many are grieving the loss of a mother and the inability to mourn or celebrate in person. Many are trying to reconnect after being estranged. And those who are estranged from their mothers or have strained relationships, the shelter-in-place mandate has not necessarily helped. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this week’s episode, Tonya Mosley sits down with comedian, actor and director \u003ca href=\"http://kulapvilaysack.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Kulap Vilaysack\u003c/a> to answer a listener question:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“How can I honor the respect and love that I have for my mother while also acknowledging that the relationship isn’t healthy for me?” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack was embarking on her own journey of motherhood when she decided to revisit her past through her documentary, “Origin Story.” At age 14, Vilaysack found out her father was not her biological father, and 20 years later she traveled to Laos to meet him for the first time. In the process, she keeps coming back to the complex relationship she has with her mother.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“A lot of us Southeast Asian kids, we have similar tales. We stand on the shoulders of some very hurt people and that is not easy,” Vilaysack says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the episode, Vilaysack addresses the trauma immigrant and refugee families experience, which is passed on to children through culture and family environment. For both Vilaysack and our question asker, love from their mothers has existed amid addiction and abuse. Vilaysack says some hard lessons she has learned include the need to be a good mother to yourself, understanding parents are not the gatekeepers to culture and that mothers are flawed individuals. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Therapy has been essential, Vilaysack says, in order to mourn the loss of the mother-daughter relationship she wished for but never really had.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s truly a rewiring that needs to occur and it has to do with dealing with your side of the fence first,” Vilaysack says. “Meaning, going to therapy, doing the hard work on yourself before you can get to a place where things don’t affect [you] like they did before. Where things don’t cut anymore. You have to help yourself first before you can help other people.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack offers this mind exercise she’s done herself to start the process of mothering yourself and self-healing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1. Revisit a difficult memory that you have with your mom and your younger self.\u003cbr>\n2. Picture that memory and series of events.\u003cbr>\n3. Enter that memory as your adult self.\u003cbr>\n4. Step in front of your younger self and protect that version of you.\u003cbr>\n5. Your adult self tells your mom to go away for a little bit.\u003cbr>\n6. You hold your younger self, console her and tell her, “It’s not your fault.”\u003cbr>\n7. Do not deny what happened but let your younger self know that it’s going to be OK.\u003cbr>\n8. Take your younger self into a room where she feels safe and hand her a stuffed animal she loved.\u003cbr>\n9. Take a picture of this image. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Vilaysack says this mind exercise is not to erase the past but heal the open wounds that still exist with your own love for yourself. For more context, listen to Vilaysack talk about the exercise in the episode. In addition to therapy and self-mothering, Vilaysack says it’s important to be surrounded by people who can affirm and love you how you want to be loved. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, what if you get to all of this and your decision is not to have a relationship with your mother? Our Wise One affirms that’s OK – the decision is not final. “You are the architect of your life and what this relationship is going to be,” Vilaysack says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ub7UippPt6uu1BMTKZGu1Y6hdesnjrDR/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guest:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://kulapvilaysack.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Kulap Vilaysack\u003c/a>, writer, actor, podcaster and director of her documentary, “Origin Story”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/600633/on-earth-were-briefly-gorgeous-by-ocean-vuong/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous\u003c/a> by Ocean Vuong\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://fierce.wearemitu.com/relationships/complex-relationship-between-latina-immigrant-mothers-daughters/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Complex Relationship Between Latina Immigrant Mothers and Their Daughters\u003c/a> by Nia Ita\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://madamenoire.com/1026019/the-strained-relationship-between-black-mothers-and-their-daughters/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Strained Relationship Between Black Mothers and Their Daughters\u003c/a> by Arah Iloabugichukwu\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Ways-Cope-Your-Latina-Difficulties/dp/1704366798\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">12 Ways to Cope With Your Latina Mom and Her Difficulties: A Guided Journal\u003c/a> by Jasmine Cepeda\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Start-You-Inherited-Family/dp/1101980389\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle \u003c/a>by Mark Wolynn\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Absent-Mother-Self-Healing-Getting/dp/1615190287\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed\u003c/a> by Jasmin Lee Cori\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.jstor.org/stable/27740582?seq=1\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Mothering Across Borders: Narratives of Immigrant Mothers in the United States\u003c/a> by Heather Hewett\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/586743/hood-feminism-by-mikki-kendall/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Hood Feminism: Notes From the Women That a Movement Forgot\u003c/a> by Mikki Kendall\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Native-Country-Heart-Cherr%C3%ADe-Moraga/dp/0374219664\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Native Country of the Heart: A Memoir\u003c/a> by Cherríe Moraga\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Luck-Club-Novel/dp/0143038095\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Joy Luck Club\u003c/a> by Amy Tan\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.mashupamericans.com/listen/podcast-ep-48-immigration/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Secret Lives Of Our Immigrant Parents \u003c/a>from The Mash-Up Americans \u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-434\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of us are feeling isolated right now as we rely on Zoom and FaceTime to see our friends and family. When this will end exactly is unknown, but for some it will remain their reality. Households impacted by family separation and deportation see this long-distance digital relationship as “normal.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week’s episode, “Deportation Wounds,” brings our host Tonya Mosley in conversation with Isabeth Mendoza, our producer and question asker. After 11 years, Isabeth is seeking help to begin healing from her father’s deportation and the traumatic experience. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“I think that the pain and the tragedy of family separation is so deep and so unique that even if it happened to you a month ago or six months ago, or for myself, 11 years ago, the pain is very fresh. I don’t know how else to explain it aside from it’s very painful. I think the conversation ends with the person [being deported] or it’s kept alive by a legal proceeding. But life continues, the family keeps going, and I don’t see resources or places that I can go to learn about what to do after this. How does anybody move forward? What is the future for families like mine? And how do we get to live our future and not just imagine it?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Truth Be Told called upon Adriana Alejandre, licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and founder of Latinx Therapy podcast as a Wise One. Alejandre says that while struggle, resilience and survival dominate the immigrant narrative, healing does not. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“… those are some of their pillars that help [immigrants] to keep going, to survive their day-to-day, hour-by-hour lives sometimes because of the lack of resources. I think healing is sometimes, understandably so, one of the last things that they have to think about, because most immigrant communities come from a collectivistic culture, and they’re taught to prioritize others versus themselves. It doesn’t come very naturally and so I think that’s one of the reasons why healing gets put on the backburner.” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Family separation and deportation illicit pain, confusion and fear. Alejandre also points out that anger holds hands with these feelings. “We are taught that anger is a secondary emotion. But through my clients, my clients of color specifically, I’ve learned that that’s not true,” Alejandre says. “Anger is valid. If we can learn to expel it and release it in healthy ways when we’re aware of it, then I think that it translates into another emotion.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alejandre suggests individual or group therapy but if therapy is not accessible, there are also self-help books, podcasts, diaphragmatic breathing exercises and friends who might be able to relate. Alejandre’s bottom line is “ask for help because I know that we’re taught to be independent, to be resilient, to blossom on our own. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If the process becomes overwhelming, pausing is essential. Alejandre says, “The only red flag is to just be aware of your avoiding tendencies … come back to your journey.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The episode ends with Isabeth speaks with her father about how he feels about their long-distance relationship, his processing of the deportation experience and how he imagines his future. It leads to Isabeth attempting to answer that for herself. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“I think part of the dream is to just be together doing nothing — breathing a little easier because we’re together — and that is a privilege. I imagine laughing, and honestly, not living in fear. I realize what I imagine is us basically living together back in Los Angeles, that’s the ideal right? But no matter what happens, we’ll need to spend more time together, bridge our lives more intentionally and I’ll need to remind myself that this situation is hard, it’s shitty, but us laughing and having joy and sharing love will be my way of taking my power back.” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to all everyone who helped in the creation of this episode — Arnoldo Mendoza, University of Denver Sturm College of Law professor César Cuauhtémoc García Hernández and KQED’s Kyana Moghadam and Erika Aguilar. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1F8Y99rx0vbRap7CrZom_SZyv7Tk13lBM/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode Guest:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://latinxtherapy.com/podcast/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Adriana Alejandre\u003c/a>, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Latinx Therapy podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recommended Reading:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-03-17/for-ice-agents-its-business-as-unusual-day-after-sweeping-coronavirus-order\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">With masks at the ready, ICE agents make arrests on first day of California coronavirus lockdown\u003c/a> from Los Angeles Times\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thriftbooks.com/a/shanthi-sekaran/579271/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Lucky Boy\u003c/a> by Shanthi Sekaran\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/My-Family-Divided-Girls-Journey/dp/1250134862\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">My Family Divided: One Girl’s Journey of Home, Loss, and Hope\u003c/a> by Diane Guerrero\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://inthecountrywelove.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">In the Country We Love \u003c/a>by Diane Guerrero\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Dear-America-Notes-Undocumented-Citizen/dp/0062851357\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen\u003c/a> by Jose Antonio Vargas\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520283404/everyday-illegal\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Everyday Illegal\u003c/a> by Joanna Dreby\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.sup.org/books/title/?id=20152\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Sacrificing Families: Navigating Laws, Labor, and Love Across Borders\u003c/a> by Leisy Abrego\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://unmpress.com/books/decade-betrayal/9780826339737\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Decade if Betrayal: Mexican Repatriation in the 1930s\u003c/a> by Francisco Balderrama\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/313183/the-body-keeps-the-score-by-bessel-van-der-kolk-md/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Body Keeps Score\u003c/a> by Bessel van der Kolk\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4318142\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Womanist and Mujerista Psychologies: Voices of Fire, Acts of Courage\u003c/a> Edited by Thema Bryant-Davis, Ph.D., and Lillian Comas-Díaz, Ph.D.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recommended Listening:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinorebels.com/2020/03/31/covid19detention/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Immigrant Detention During COVID-19 \u003c/a>from Latino Rebels\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/radiolab/projects/border-trilogy\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Border Trilogy\u003c/a> from Radiolab\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://ochentastudio.com/mija-podcast\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Mija\u003c/a> from Ochenta Podcasts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2017/08/04/person-sitting-next-plane-getting-deported/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Person Sitting Next to You on a Plane Could Be Getting Deported \u003c/a>from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2018/02/16/will-call-will-deportees/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">All They Will Call You Will Be Deportees \u003c/a>from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2014/05/09/deportation-orphans/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">A Mother Of “Deportation Orphans”\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2014/05/09/deportation-orphans-oregon/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">“Deportation Orphans” In Oregon\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2018/01/22/deportees-mexico-tell-disrupted-lives-families-communities/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Deportees in Mexico Tell of Disrupted Lives, Families and Communities\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/23-patty-detained-deported-denied/id1475985254?i=1000466732688\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Patty – Detained, Deported & Denied\u003c/a> from Love Beyond Borders: Immigration Stories\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-434\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_episode4_header-1.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Many of us are feeling isolated right now as we rely on Zoom and FaceTime to see our friends and family. When this will end exactly is unknown, but for some it will remain their reality. Households impacted by family separation and deportation see this long-distance digital relationship as “normal.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week’s episode, “Deportation Wounds,” brings our host Tonya Mosley in conversation with Isabeth Mendoza, our producer and question asker. After 11 years, Isabeth is seeking help to begin healing from her father’s deportation and the traumatic experience. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“I think that the pain and the tragedy of family separation is so deep and so unique that even if it happened to you a month ago or six months ago, or for myself, 11 years ago, the pain is very fresh. I don’t know how else to explain it aside from it’s very painful. I think the conversation ends with the person [being deported] or it’s kept alive by a legal proceeding. But life continues, the family keeps going, and I don’t see resources or places that I can go to learn about what to do after this. How does anybody move forward? What is the future for families like mine? And how do we get to live our future and not just imagine it?”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Truth Be Told called upon Adriana Alejandre, licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and founder of Latinx Therapy podcast as a Wise One. Alejandre says that while struggle, resilience and survival dominate the immigrant narrative, healing does not. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“… those are some of their pillars that help [immigrants] to keep going, to survive their day-to-day, hour-by-hour lives sometimes because of the lack of resources. I think healing is sometimes, understandably so, one of the last things that they have to think about, because most immigrant communities come from a collectivistic culture, and they’re taught to prioritize others versus themselves. It doesn’t come very naturally and so I think that’s one of the reasons why healing gets put on the backburner.” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Family separation and deportation illicit pain, confusion and fear. Alejandre also points out that anger holds hands with these feelings. “We are taught that anger is a secondary emotion. But through my clients, my clients of color specifically, I’ve learned that that’s not true,” Alejandre says. “Anger is valid. If we can learn to expel it and release it in healthy ways when we’re aware of it, then I think that it translates into another emotion.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alejandre suggests individual or group therapy but if therapy is not accessible, there are also self-help books, podcasts, diaphragmatic breathing exercises and friends who might be able to relate. Alejandre’s bottom line is “ask for help because I know that we’re taught to be independent, to be resilient, to blossom on our own. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.” \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If the process becomes overwhelming, pausing is essential. Alejandre says, “The only red flag is to just be aware of your avoiding tendencies … come back to your journey.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The episode ends with Isabeth speaks with her father about how he feels about their long-distance relationship, his processing of the deportation experience and how he imagines his future. It leads to Isabeth attempting to answer that for herself. \u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“I think part of the dream is to just be together doing nothing — breathing a little easier because we’re together — and that is a privilege. I imagine laughing, and honestly, not living in fear. I realize what I imagine is us basically living together back in Los Angeles, that’s the ideal right? But no matter what happens, we’ll need to spend more time together, bridge our lives more intentionally and I’ll need to remind myself that this situation is hard, it’s shitty, but us laughing and having joy and sharing love will be my way of taking my power back.” \u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Special thanks to all everyone who helped in the creation of this episode — Arnoldo Mendoza, University of Denver Sturm College of Law professor César Cuauhtémoc García Hernández and KQED’s Kyana Moghadam and Erika Aguilar. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1F8Y99rx0vbRap7CrZom_SZyv7Tk13lBM/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>. \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode Guest:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://latinxtherapy.com/podcast/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Adriana Alejandre\u003c/a>, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Latinx Therapy podcast\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recommended Reading:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-03-17/for-ice-agents-its-business-as-unusual-day-after-sweeping-coronavirus-order\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">With masks at the ready, ICE agents make arrests on first day of California coronavirus lockdown\u003c/a> from Los Angeles Times\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.thriftbooks.com/a/shanthi-sekaran/579271/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Lucky Boy\u003c/a> by Shanthi Sekaran\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/My-Family-Divided-Girls-Journey/dp/1250134862\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">My Family Divided: One Girl’s Journey of Home, Loss, and Hope\u003c/a> by Diane Guerrero\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://inthecountrywelove.com/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">In the Country We Love \u003c/a>by Diane Guerrero\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Dear-America-Notes-Undocumented-Citizen/dp/0062851357\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen\u003c/a> by Jose Antonio Vargas\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520283404/everyday-illegal\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Everyday Illegal\u003c/a> by Joanna Dreby\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.sup.org/books/title/?id=20152\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Sacrificing Families: Navigating Laws, Labor, and Love Across Borders\u003c/a> by Leisy Abrego\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://unmpress.com/books/decade-betrayal/9780826339737\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Decade if Betrayal: Mexican Repatriation in the 1930s\u003c/a> by Francisco Balderrama\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/313183/the-body-keeps-the-score-by-bessel-van-der-kolk-md/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Body Keeps Score\u003c/a> by Bessel van der Kolk\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4318142\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Womanist and Mujerista Psychologies: Voices of Fire, Acts of Courage\u003c/a> Edited by Thema Bryant-Davis, Ph.D., and Lillian Comas-Díaz, Ph.D.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Recommended Listening:\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinorebels.com/2020/03/31/covid19detention/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Immigrant Detention During COVID-19 \u003c/a>from Latino Rebels\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/radiolab/projects/border-trilogy\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Border Trilogy\u003c/a> from Radiolab\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://ochentastudio.com/mija-podcast\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Mija\u003c/a> from Ochenta Podcasts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2017/08/04/person-sitting-next-plane-getting-deported/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">The Person Sitting Next to You on a Plane Could Be Getting Deported \u003c/a>from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2018/02/16/will-call-will-deportees/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">All They Will Call You Will Be Deportees \u003c/a>from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2014/05/09/deportation-orphans/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">A Mother Of “Deportation Orphans”\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2014/05/09/deportation-orphans-oregon/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">“Deportation Orphans” In Oregon\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.latinousa.org/2018/01/22/deportees-mexico-tell-disrupted-lives-families-communities/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Deportees in Mexico Tell of Disrupted Lives, Families and Communities\u003c/a> from Latino USA\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/23-patty-detained-deported-denied/id1475985254?i=1000466732688\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Patty – Detained, Deported & Denied\u003c/a> from Love Beyond Borders: Immigration Stories\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-418\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week we’re talking about diets, separating weight from health and navigating white spaces as a big woman of color. “White World, Black Body” brings our host, Tonya Mosley, in conversation with two Wise Ones, \u003ca href=\"https://www.virgietovar.com/about.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Virgie Tovar\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.chloehilliard.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chloe Hilliard\u003c/a>, who have each bridged personal journeys with body image and food with their professional work. Tovar is the host of the new podcast \u003ca href=\"https://transmitter.fm/our-work\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a> and author of the upcoming book, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Revolution-Radical-Positivity-Solutions/dp/1684034116/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=self-love+revolution+virgie+tovar&qid=1570404924&sr=8-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color\u003c/a>.” Hilliard is a journalist-turned-comedian, spinning her unique experiences into laughs and a new book called, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.chloehilliard.com/book\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">F*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me\u003c/a>.” All three women come together to help a Truth Be Told listener with her quandary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Being both overweight and black makes me feel invisible. And that I’m occupying too much space at the same time. The goal, of course, is to lose weight. But, until then, how can I maneuver in the non-black world, in my body?\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This idea that body image and weight is a lifelong project is why this conversation transcends time. As we live through the COVID-19 pandemic, \u003ca href=\"https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/push-up-challenge-celebritiesies_ca_5e7bc5aac5b6256a7a23e352\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">push-up challenges\u003c/a> are being circulated alongside \u003ca href=\"https://www.allure.com/story/covid-19-weight-gain-jokes-eating-disorders\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">memes\u003c/a> about gaining weight while physically distancing, dubbed the “Quarantine 15.” Amidst a global health crisis, we are still worrying about our bodies and weight.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s important to understand that diet culture primes us to accept discomfort, shame, self-denial, a sense of failure, gaslighting and financial exploitation,” said Tovar. “These are things that share characteristics with racism, sexism and misogyny.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hilliard agrees. “Dieting — I don’t do that anymore,” she said. “It felt like I was suffering and punishing myself for something I didn’t know I did.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Wise Ones suggest that instead of spending brainpower on worrying about the scale or meticulously planning meals, instead redirect that energy to activities that bring you joy or peace. They suggest writing, going outside, doing yoga in front of a mirror or simply drinking tea. It’s about finding your own happiness rather than trying to identify with other folks’ version of happiness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think it’s really hard trying to be a strong black woman and at every turn in society, someone’s attacking you because they feel that you are this impenetrable human being. It is taxing,” Hilliard said. “Because of that, you start to emotionally eat. And so it is a cycle [that] needs to be broken. I have stopped trying to appease a society that doesn’t acknowledge me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The message both Tovar and Hilliard drive home is one that takes practice and constant reminding: Nothing is wrong with you and it’s not your responsibility to appease others’ insecurities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/114T70aCd17yvEMxL8mMSABwWcrb6uIV7/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nChloe Hilliard, Author of \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Your-Diet-Other-Things-Thighs/dp/1982108614\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">F*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nVirgie Tovar, Author and host of the podcast \u003ca href=\"http://www.rebeleatersclub.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.huffpost.com/entry/meet-the-woman-whos-decolonizing-body-positivity-for-women-of-color_n_57101b91e4b06f35cb6f1c9f\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Meet The Woman Who’s ‘Decolonizing’ Body Positivity For Women Of Color\u003c/a> from HuffPost\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/81194/jessamyn-stanley-on-why-yoga-isnt-all-peace-love-and-rainbows\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Jessamyn Stanley on Why Yoga Isn’t All Peace, Love, and Rainbows\u003c/a> from KQED\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/05/kim-chi-rupauls-drag-race-femme-fat-asian-c-winter-han-interview-middlebury/483527/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Fierceness of ‘Femme, Fat, and Asian’\u003c/a> from The Atlantic\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/01/how-to-shift-racist-fat-stigma/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Your Fat Stigma Is Racist – Here Are 6 Ways to Shift That \u003c/a>from everyday feminism\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bitchesgottaeat.blogspot.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BITCHES GOTTA EAT \u003c/a>blog by Samantha Irby\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nF*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me by Chloe Hilliard\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Revolution-Radical-Positivity-Solutions/dp/1684034116/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=self-love+revolution+virgie+tovar&qid=1570404924&sr=8-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color\u003c/a> by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/You-Have-Right-Remain-Fat/dp/1936932318\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">You Have the Right to Remain Fat\u003c/a> by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Fearing-Black-Body-Racial-Origins/dp/1479886750\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Fearing the Black Body\u003c/a> by Sabrina Strings\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.roxanegay.com/hunger/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Hunger: A Memoir of (my) Body\u003c/a> by Roxane Gay\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761193111/ref=as_li_tf_il?imprToken=Se5JRNGDnTjCjtRqfMKMTA&slotNum=4&ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=w61&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0761193111\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Every Body Yoga\u003c/a> by Jessamyn Stanley\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/609113/unashamed-by-leah-vernon/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Unashamed\u003c/a> by Leah Vernon\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.rebeleatersclub.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a> from Transmitter Media, hosted by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=689687288:689857186&fbclid=IwAR2ytXmVgaIcHGHW_1L-Dct5l-4jNZd_qbjEMsk-t49J-RSLN15iNT8faEk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretty Hurts\u003c/a> from NPR’s Code Switch\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://latinxtherapy.com/lx_podcast/nalgona-positivity-pride-talks-body-positivity-disordered-eating/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Nalgona Positivity Pride Talks Body Positivity & Disordered Eating\u003c/a> from Latinx Therapy\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-418\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/04/TBT_season2_Ep3header.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week we’re talking about diets, separating weight from health and navigating white spaces as a big woman of color. “White World, Black Body” brings our host, Tonya Mosley, in conversation with two Wise Ones, \u003ca href=\"https://www.virgietovar.com/about.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Virgie Tovar\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.chloehilliard.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chloe Hilliard\u003c/a>, who have each bridged personal journeys with body image and food with their professional work. Tovar is the host of the new podcast \u003ca href=\"https://transmitter.fm/our-work\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a> and author of the upcoming book, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Revolution-Radical-Positivity-Solutions/dp/1684034116/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=self-love+revolution+virgie+tovar&qid=1570404924&sr=8-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color\u003c/a>.” Hilliard is a journalist-turned-comedian, spinning her unique experiences into laughs and a new book called, “\u003ca href=\"https://www.chloehilliard.com/book\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">F*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me\u003c/a>.” All three women come together to help a Truth Be Told listener with her quandary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Being both overweight and black makes me feel invisible. And that I’m occupying too much space at the same time. The goal, of course, is to lose weight. But, until then, how can I maneuver in the non-black world, in my body?\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>This idea that body image and weight is a lifelong project is why this conversation transcends time. As we live through the COVID-19 pandemic, \u003ca href=\"https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/push-up-challenge-celebritiesies_ca_5e7bc5aac5b6256a7a23e352\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">push-up challenges\u003c/a> are being circulated alongside \u003ca href=\"https://www.allure.com/story/covid-19-weight-gain-jokes-eating-disorders\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">memes\u003c/a> about gaining weight while physically distancing, dubbed the “Quarantine 15.” Amidst a global health crisis, we are still worrying about our bodies and weight.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s important to understand that diet culture primes us to accept discomfort, shame, self-denial, a sense of failure, gaslighting and financial exploitation,” said Tovar. “These are things that share characteristics with racism, sexism and misogyny.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hilliard agrees. “Dieting — I don’t do that anymore,” she said. “It felt like I was suffering and punishing myself for something I didn’t know I did.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Wise Ones suggest that instead of spending brainpower on worrying about the scale or meticulously planning meals, instead redirect that energy to activities that bring you joy or peace. They suggest writing, going outside, doing yoga in front of a mirror or simply drinking tea. It’s about finding your own happiness rather than trying to identify with other folks’ version of happiness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I think it’s really hard trying to be a strong black woman and at every turn in society, someone’s attacking you because they feel that you are this impenetrable human being. It is taxing,” Hilliard said. “Because of that, you start to emotionally eat. And so it is a cycle [that] needs to be broken. I have stopped trying to appease a society that doesn’t acknowledge me.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The message both Tovar and Hilliard drive home is one that takes practice and constant reminding: Nothing is wrong with you and it’s not your responsibility to appease others’ insecurities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/114T70aCd17yvEMxL8mMSABwWcrb6uIV7/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nChloe Hilliard, Author of \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Your-Diet-Other-Things-Thighs/dp/1982108614\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">F*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nVirgie Tovar, Author and host of the podcast \u003ca href=\"http://www.rebeleatersclub.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.huffpost.com/entry/meet-the-woman-whos-decolonizing-body-positivity-for-women-of-color_n_57101b91e4b06f35cb6f1c9f\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Meet The Woman Who’s ‘Decolonizing’ Body Positivity For Women Of Color\u003c/a> from HuffPost\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/81194/jessamyn-stanley-on-why-yoga-isnt-all-peace-love-and-rainbows\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Jessamyn Stanley on Why Yoga Isn’t All Peace, Love, and Rainbows\u003c/a> from KQED\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/05/kim-chi-rupauls-drag-race-femme-fat-asian-c-winter-han-interview-middlebury/483527/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Fierceness of ‘Femme, Fat, and Asian’\u003c/a> from The Atlantic\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/01/how-to-shift-racist-fat-stigma/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Your Fat Stigma Is Racist – Here Are 6 Ways to Shift That \u003c/a>from everyday feminism\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://bitchesgottaeat.blogspot.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BITCHES GOTTA EAT \u003c/a>blog by Samantha Irby\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nF*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me by Chloe Hilliard\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Revolution-Radical-Positivity-Solutions/dp/1684034116/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=self-love+revolution+virgie+tovar&qid=1570404924&sr=8-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color\u003c/a> by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/You-Have-Right-Remain-Fat/dp/1936932318\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">You Have the Right to Remain Fat\u003c/a> by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Fearing-Black-Body-Racial-Origins/dp/1479886750\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Fearing the Black Body\u003c/a> by Sabrina Strings\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.roxanegay.com/hunger/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Hunger: A Memoir of (my) Body\u003c/a> by Roxane Gay\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761193111/ref=as_li_tf_il?imprToken=Se5JRNGDnTjCjtRqfMKMTA&slotNum=4&ie=UTF8&tag=boorio-20&linkCode=w61&camp=217145&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0761193111\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Every Body Yoga\u003c/a> by Jessamyn Stanley\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/609113/unashamed-by-leah-vernon/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Unashamed\u003c/a> by Leah Vernon\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://www.rebeleatersclub.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Rebel Eaters Club\u003c/a> from Transmitter Media, hosted by Virgie Tovar\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=689687288:689857186&fbclid=IwAR2ytXmVgaIcHGHW_1L-Dct5l-4jNZd_qbjEMsk-t49J-RSLN15iNT8faEk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pretty Hurts\u003c/a> from NPR’s Code Switch\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://latinxtherapy.com/lx_podcast/nalgona-positivity-pride-talks-body-positivity-disordered-eating/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Nalgona Positivity Pride Talks Body Positivity & Disordered Eating\u003c/a> from Latinx Therapy\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-389\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this episode of Truth Be Told, we gathered your questions and lived experiences during the spread of the coronavirus in the United States. Tonya Mosley talks to \u003ca href=\"https://www.seemayasmin.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin\u003c/a>, journalist, author and infectious disease detective. She’s seen what the migration of diseases like COVID-19 can do to communities and how racism rears its ugly head during times like these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There’s a long history of scapegoating people of color as the carriers of disease,” Yasmin said. “This goes back hundreds of years, and so this isn’t anything new. We’ve even seen it during recent epidemics. Whether it’s Ebola or Zika, non-white people are blamed [for] introducing disease into places.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The uneasiness comes from a long history of \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5915332/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">racializing health in America\u003c/a>. At this moment, the racialization of COVID-19 with Asians and Asian Americans is \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/23/us/chinese-coronavirus-racist-attacks.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">unfurling in front of us\u003c/a>. Accompanying headlines of the spread of infection are also instances of discrimination, harassment and attacks on the Asian community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Yasmin responded to concerns of increased power for law enforcement during the pandemic, and the current status of how the illness affects people who are homeless, incarcerated or detained. Yasmin also offered validation for the myriad feelings being experienced. “We have the right to feel whatever we feel,” Yasmin said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yasmin was our Truth Be Told question asker for “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/podcasts/42/joy-may-16th\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Joy\u003c/a>,” the very first episode our first season of the podcast. Her question was, “Is it OK to feel joy when the rest of the world is burning?” In this episode about how the coronavirus is impacting people of color, Mosley asked Yasmin if she is currently using any of the advice she was given.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“You know, thinking back to that question, it was about joy, but I think it was also more broadly about the permission to feel things — anything. And so I think in a moment like this, where you feel so many emotions, including anxiety, fear, anger, that advice that I got, reminds me that it’s OK to feel whatever I feel. So I feel very honored right now. You’re having me on as a wise one, but truth be told, this wise one is struggling also … it’s a lot.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>So, let’s revisit the sage guidance offered by two wise ones from our very first episode – \u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a> and Tonya’s grandmother, Ernestine Mosley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/podcasts/42/joy-may-16th\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"391\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-410\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM.jpg 300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM-160x209.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1. \u003cstrong>Faith/Spirituality:\u003c/strong> Set intentions, pray, worship, meditate. Reacquaint or deepen your relationship with nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>2. \u003cstrong>Rituals:\u003c/strong> Care for your body (baths, exercise, adornment). Feed your soul (read, write, create, cook). Do anything that brings you joy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>3. \u003cstrong>Look for the helpers, and help the helpers: \u003c/strong>Find ways to be generous with each other or lift another’s spirit. Redirect your attention on the solution-makers in a crisis. Find ways to support those helpers for the collective good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>4. \u003cstrong>Connect with the self:\u003c/strong> Go on dates with yourself, take an inventory of yourself and your life, write down the spaces you feel in complete alignment with yourself in your life (i.e. my role as an auntie), or walk around your home naked while looking at your miraculous body.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>5. \u003cstrong>Connect with those you love and who love you:\u003c/strong> Reach out to people who make you feel loved and check in on someone you’ve been thinking about. Also, try to laugh as much as you can. Laughter, intimacy and connection are necessary to survive and embark on the freedom journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember, it is absolutely necessary to feel joy in these times. You don’t have to earn it. You deserve it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We appreciate everyone who has helped with the creation of this episode. Special thanks to all of our question askers, Cynthia Choi, and KQED’s Kyana Moghadam and Vida Kuang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ustlU9tFXWl2bzoItEJoYhbb8kkM4mud/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Experienced or witnessed a hate crime?\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"http://www.asianpacificpolicyandplanningcouncil.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council\u003c/a> (A3PCON) and \u003ca href=\"https://caasf.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chinese for Affirmative Action\u003c/a> (CAA) have launched a reporting center to allow community members to report incidents of hate they have experienced. You can find out more by visiting \u003ca href=\"http://www.asianpacificpolicyandplanningcouncil.org/stop-aapi-hate/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">www.a3pcon.org/stopaapihate.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.seemayasmin.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin\u003c/a>, medical doctor and author of “\u003ca href=\"http://www.seemayasmin.com/book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Impatient Dr. Lange: One Man’s Fight to End the Global HIV Epidemic\u003c/a>”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles: \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13877013/artists-fight-coronavirus-related-racism-on-instagram\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Artists Fight Coronavirus-Related Racism on Instagram\u003c/a> from KQED Arts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13876905/washing-your-hands-and-getting-a-grip\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Washing Your Hands and Getting a Grip\u003c/a> from KQED Arts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2020/3/4/21157825/coronavirus-pandemic-xenophobia-racism\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why Pandemics Activate Xenophobia \u003c/a>from Vox\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.voanews.com/science-health/coronavirus-outbreak/chinese-americans-worry-about-backlash-coronavirus-fears-mount\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chinese Americans Worry About Backlash as Coronavirus Fears Mount\u003c/a> from Voices of America\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/news/letter-from-the-uk/the-rise-of-coronavirus-hate-crimes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Rise of Coronavirus Hate Crimes\u003c/a> from The New Yorker\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/05/05/527091890/the-135-year-bridge-between-the-chinese-exclusion-act-and-a-proposed-travel-ban\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">As Chinese Exclusion Act Turns 135, Experts Point to Parallels Today\u003c/a> from NPR CodeSwitch\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11800025/to-be-asian-with-a-face-mask-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">To Be Asian With a Face Mask During the Coronavirus Outbreak\u003c/a> from KQED’s The Bay\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/03/02/811363404/when-xenophobia-spreads-like-a-virus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When Xenophobia Spreads Like a Virus\u003c/a> from NPR’s Code Switch\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://kpfa.org/episode/apex-express-march-5-2020/?fbclid=IwAR2ISlrdZLBiaeCViWjhaxIiIHl77VWRVwGkCrrhm-sIDmXUSKFjmtSxNIg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Coronaracism With APEX Express\u003c/a> from KPFA (timestamp 28:00 – 37:55)\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.longdistanceradio.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Racism in the Time of Coronavirus\u003c/a> from Long Distance Radio\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.basicbooks.com/titles/erika-lee/america-for-americans/9781541672598/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">America for Americans: A History of Xenophobia in the United States\u003c/a> by Erika Lee\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520226296/contagious-divides\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Contagious Divides: Epidemics and Race in San Francisco’s Chinatown\u003c/a> by Nayan Shah\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.dukeupress.edu/colonial-pathologies\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Colonial Pathologies:American Tropical Medicine, Race, and Hygiene in the Philippines\u003c/a> by Warwick Anderson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520246492/fit-to-be-citizens\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Fit to Be Citizens?\u003c/a> by Natalia Molina\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/185986/medical-apartheid-by-harriet-a-washington/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Medical Apartheid\u003c/a> by Harriet A. Washington\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/155575/killing-the-black-body-by-dorothy-roberts/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Killing the Black Body\u003c/a> by Dorothy Roberts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/body-and-soul\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Body and Soul: The Black Panther Party and the Fight against Medical Discrimination\u003c/a> by Alondra Nelson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/books/titles/578679908/the-deepest-well-healing-the-long-term-effects-of-childhood-adversity\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity\u003c/a> by Nadine Burke Harris\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://uncpress.org/book/9781469609720/examining-tuskegee/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Examining Tuskegee: The Infamous Syphilis Study and Its Legacy\u003c/a> by Susan M. Reverby\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://rebeccaskloot.com/the-immortal-life/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks\u003c/a> by Rebecca Skloot\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Science-Borders-Immigrant-Inspection-Industrial/dp/0801870801\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Science at the Borders: Immigrant Medical Inspection and the Shaping of the Modern Industrial Labor Force\u003c/a> by Amy Fairchild\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have a question for the show? Email us at truthbetold@kqed.org, call us at (415) 553-2802 or use the hashtag #AskTBT. Follow us at @truthbetoldkqed on \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/TruthBeToldKQED\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Twitter\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/truthbetoldkqed/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-389\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_cardhero._season2_episode2jpg.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On this episode of Truth Be Told, we gathered your questions and lived experiences during the spread of the coronavirus in the United States. Tonya Mosley talks to \u003ca href=\"https://www.seemayasmin.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin\u003c/a>, journalist, author and infectious disease detective. She’s seen what the migration of diseases like COVID-19 can do to communities and how racism rears its ugly head during times like these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“There’s a long history of scapegoating people of color as the carriers of disease,” Yasmin said. “This goes back hundreds of years, and so this isn’t anything new. We’ve even seen it during recent epidemics. Whether it’s Ebola or Zika, non-white people are blamed [for] introducing disease into places.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The uneasiness comes from a long history of \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5915332/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">racializing health in America\u003c/a>. At this moment, the racialization of COVID-19 with Asians and Asian Americans is \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/23/us/chinese-coronavirus-racist-attacks.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">unfurling in front of us\u003c/a>. Accompanying headlines of the spread of infection are also instances of discrimination, harassment and attacks on the Asian community.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Yasmin responded to concerns of increased power for law enforcement during the pandemic, and the current status of how the illness affects people who are homeless, incarcerated or detained. Yasmin also offered validation for the myriad feelings being experienced. “We have the right to feel whatever we feel,” Yasmin said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yasmin was our Truth Be Told question asker for “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/podcasts/42/joy-may-16th\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Joy\u003c/a>,” the very first episode our first season of the podcast. Her question was, “Is it OK to feel joy when the rest of the world is burning?” In this episode about how the coronavirus is impacting people of color, Mosley asked Yasmin if she is currently using any of the advice she was given.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>“You know, thinking back to that question, it was about joy, but I think it was also more broadly about the permission to feel things — anything. And so I think in a moment like this, where you feel so many emotions, including anxiety, fear, anger, that advice that I got, reminds me that it’s OK to feel whatever I feel. So I feel very honored right now. You’re having me on as a wise one, but truth be told, this wise one is struggling also … it’s a lot.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>So, let’s revisit the sage guidance offered by two wise ones from our very first episode – \u003ca href=\"http://adriennemareebrown.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">adrienne maree brown\u003c/a> and Tonya’s grandmother, Ernestine Mosley.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/podcasts/42/joy-may-16th\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"391\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-410\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM.jpg 300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/newnewShot-2020-03-25-at-1.46.17-PM-160x209.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1. \u003cstrong>Faith/Spirituality:\u003c/strong> Set intentions, pray, worship, meditate. Reacquaint or deepen your relationship with nature.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>2. \u003cstrong>Rituals:\u003c/strong> Care for your body (baths, exercise, adornment). Feed your soul (read, write, create, cook). Do anything that brings you joy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>3. \u003cstrong>Look for the helpers, and help the helpers: \u003c/strong>Find ways to be generous with each other or lift another’s spirit. Redirect your attention on the solution-makers in a crisis. Find ways to support those helpers for the collective good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>4. \u003cstrong>Connect with the self:\u003c/strong> Go on dates with yourself, take an inventory of yourself and your life, write down the spaces you feel in complete alignment with yourself in your life (i.e. my role as an auntie), or walk around your home naked while looking at your miraculous body.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>5. \u003cstrong>Connect with those you love and who love you:\u003c/strong> Reach out to people who make you feel loved and check in on someone you’ve been thinking about. Also, try to laugh as much as you can. Laughter, intimacy and connection are necessary to survive and embark on the freedom journey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember, it is absolutely necessary to feel joy in these times. You don’t have to earn it. You deserve it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We appreciate everyone who has helped with the creation of this episode. Special thanks to all of our question askers, Cynthia Choi, and KQED’s Kyana Moghadam and Vida Kuang.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ustlU9tFXWl2bzoItEJoYhbb8kkM4mud/view?usp=sharing\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">here\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Experienced or witnessed a hate crime?\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"http://www.asianpacificpolicyandplanningcouncil.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council\u003c/a> (A3PCON) and \u003ca href=\"https://caasf.org/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chinese for Affirmative Action\u003c/a> (CAA) have launched a reporting center to allow community members to report incidents of hate they have experienced. You can find out more by visiting \u003ca href=\"http://www.asianpacificpolicyandplanningcouncil.org/stop-aapi-hate/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">www.a3pcon.org/stopaapihate.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.seemayasmin.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Seema Yasmin\u003c/a>, medical doctor and author of “\u003ca href=\"http://www.seemayasmin.com/book/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Impatient Dr. Lange: One Man’s Fight to End the Global HIV Epidemic\u003c/a>”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Articles: \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13877013/artists-fight-coronavirus-related-racism-on-instagram\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Artists Fight Coronavirus-Related Racism on Instagram\u003c/a> from KQED Arts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/arts/13876905/washing-your-hands-and-getting-a-grip\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Washing Your Hands and Getting a Grip\u003c/a> from KQED Arts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2020/3/4/21157825/coronavirus-pandemic-xenophobia-racism\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Why Pandemics Activate Xenophobia \u003c/a>from Vox\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.voanews.com/science-health/coronavirus-outbreak/chinese-americans-worry-about-backlash-coronavirus-fears-mount\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Chinese Americans Worry About Backlash as Coronavirus Fears Mount\u003c/a> from Voices of America\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.newyorker.com/news/letter-from-the-uk/the-rise-of-coronavirus-hate-crimes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Rise of Coronavirus Hate Crimes\u003c/a> from The New Yorker\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/05/05/527091890/the-135-year-bridge-between-the-chinese-exclusion-act-and-a-proposed-travel-ban\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">As Chinese Exclusion Act Turns 135, Experts Point to Parallels Today\u003c/a> from NPR CodeSwitch\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/news/11800025/to-be-asian-with-a-face-mask-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">To Be Asian With a Face Mask During the Coronavirus Outbreak\u003c/a> from KQED’s The Bay\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2020/03/02/811363404/when-xenophobia-spreads-like-a-virus\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">When Xenophobia Spreads Like a Virus\u003c/a> from NPR’s Code Switch\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://kpfa.org/episode/apex-express-march-5-2020/?fbclid=IwAR2ISlrdZLBiaeCViWjhaxIiIHl77VWRVwGkCrrhm-sIDmXUSKFjmtSxNIg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Coronaracism With APEX Express\u003c/a> from KPFA (timestamp 28:00 – 37:55)\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.longdistanceradio.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Racism in the Time of Coronavirus\u003c/a> from Long Distance Radio\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Books:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.basicbooks.com/titles/erika-lee/america-for-americans/9781541672598/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">America for Americans: A History of Xenophobia in the United States\u003c/a> by Erika Lee\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520226296/contagious-divides\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Contagious Divides: Epidemics and Race in San Francisco’s Chinatown\u003c/a> by Nayan Shah\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.dukeupress.edu/colonial-pathologies\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Colonial Pathologies:American Tropical Medicine, Race, and Hygiene in the Philippines\u003c/a> by Warwick Anderson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520246492/fit-to-be-citizens\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Fit to Be Citizens?\u003c/a> by Natalia Molina\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/185986/medical-apartheid-by-harriet-a-washington/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Medical Apartheid\u003c/a> by Harriet A. Washington\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/155575/killing-the-black-body-by-dorothy-roberts/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Killing the Black Body\u003c/a> by Dorothy Roberts\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/body-and-soul\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Body and Soul: The Black Panther Party and the Fight against Medical Discrimination\u003c/a> by Alondra Nelson\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/books/titles/578679908/the-deepest-well-healing-the-long-term-effects-of-childhood-adversity\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity\u003c/a> by Nadine Burke Harris\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://uncpress.org/book/9781469609720/examining-tuskegee/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Examining Tuskegee: The Infamous Syphilis Study and Its Legacy\u003c/a> by Susan M. Reverby\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"http://rebeccaskloot.com/the-immortal-life/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks\u003c/a> by Rebecca Skloot\u003cbr>\n\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Science-Borders-Immigrant-Inspection-Industrial/dp/0801870801\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Science at the Borders: Immigrant Medical Inspection and the Shaping of the Modern Industrial Labor Force\u003c/a> by Amy Fairchild\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have a question for the show? Email us at truthbetold@kqed.org, call us at (415) 553-2802 or use the hashtag #AskTBT. Follow us at @truthbetoldkqed on \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/TruthBeToldKQED\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Twitter\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/truthbetoldkqed/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-357\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Deck of cards where one is turned over to show the guest Kiese surrounded by green flowers and trees and another guest Ibram in the right corner\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to this week’s episode to hear our host Tonya Mosley and Kiese Laymon, author of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\">Heavy: An American Memoir\u003c/a>, unpack the question: “How are black Americans expected to overcome and thrive in this country without the necessary mechanisms of healing?” This question comes from actor Boris Kodjoe, who you may have seen in shows like “Code Black,” “Station 19” and the movie “Brown Sugar.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kodjoe was born and raised in Germany, and ever since he arrived in the United States he’s thought, “I never understood how African Americans were expected to thrive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Laymon said he found the answer in Mississippi where he was born and raised. “I actually think that our healing mechanisms – and this is scary – are a little bit better than white folks,” he said. “At least down here in Mississippi.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Laymon’s conversation flows through topics like mothers and children, isolation and protests. And, of course, it ends with therapy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I need to do is be able to accept with equal vigor the harm I’ve done in my life to people close to me,” Laymon said. “And also I need to accept the joy that I’ve brought to human beings close to me. At my best, I’m able to do that. And at my worst, I’m completely incapable of doing it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ibram X. Kendi, who wrote “\u003ca href=\"https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1\">How to Be an Antiracist\u003c/a>,” offered a really helpful framing for the conversation. Splitting the results of trauma into categories of material and internal effects, he notes that healing from both takes significant effort from both black and non-black Americans. “And it’s going to take a tremendous amount of time,” he said. “But I don’t see any other option.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zf9nr4xXdA1BpIVXY7ZaK7Wh13Qlx309/view?usp=sharing\">here.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nKiese Laymon, author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\">Heavy: An American Memoir\u003c/a>”\u003cbr>\nIbram X. Kendi, historian and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1\">How to Be an Antiracist\u003c/a>”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!--more-->\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-reparations/361631/\">The Case for Reparations\u003c/a>” by Ta-Nehisi Coates\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/22/magazine/the-condition-of-black-life-is-one-of-mourning.html\">The Condition of Black Life Is One of Mourning\u003c/a>” by Claudia Rankine\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/podcasts/1619-podcast.html\">1619\u003c/a>” podcast from Nikole Hannah-Jones and the New York Times\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.sceneonradio.org/\">Scene on Radio\u003c/a>,” a Peabody-nominated podcast from the Center for Documentary Studies at Duke University\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have a question for the show? Email us at truthbetold@kqed.org, call us at (415) 553-2802 or use the hashtag #AskTBT. Follow us at @truthbetoldkqed on \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/TruthBeToldKQED\">Twitter\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/truthbetoldkqed/?hl=en\">Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-357\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-800x450.jpg\" alt=\"Deck of cards where one is turned over to show the guest Kiese surrounded by green flowers and trees and another guest Ibram in the right corner\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-800x450.jpg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-160x90.jpg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-768x432.jpg 768w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/77/2020/03/TBT_season2_ep1_cards.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to this week’s episode to hear our host Tonya Mosley and Kiese Laymon, author of \u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\">Heavy: An American Memoir\u003c/a>, unpack the question: “How are black Americans expected to overcome and thrive in this country without the necessary mechanisms of healing?” This question comes from actor Boris Kodjoe, who you may have seen in shows like “Code Black,” “Station 19” and the movie “Brown Sugar.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kodjoe was born and raised in Germany, and ever since he arrived in the United States he’s thought, “I never understood how African Americans were expected to thrive.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Laymon said he found the answer in Mississippi where he was born and raised. “I actually think that our healing mechanisms – and this is scary – are a little bit better than white folks,” he said. “At least down here in Mississippi.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mosley and Laymon’s conversation flows through topics like mothers and children, isolation and protests. And, of course, it ends with therapy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“What I need to do is be able to accept with equal vigor the harm I’ve done in my life to people close to me,” Laymon said. “And also I need to accept the joy that I’ve brought to human beings close to me. At my best, I’m able to do that. And at my worst, I’m completely incapable of doing it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ibram X. Kendi, who wrote “\u003ca href=\"https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1\">How to Be an Antiracist\u003c/a>,” offered a really helpful framing for the conversation. Splitting the results of trauma into categories of material and internal effects, he notes that healing from both takes significant effort from both black and non-black Americans. “And it’s going to take a tremendous amount of time,” he said. “But I don’t see any other option.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Episode transcript can be found \u003ca href=\"https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zf9nr4xXdA1BpIVXY7ZaK7Wh13Qlx309/view?usp=sharing\">here.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Episode Guests:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nKiese Laymon, author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.kieselaymon.com/books\">Heavy: An American Memoir\u003c/a>”\u003cbr>\nIbram X. Kendi, historian and author of “\u003ca href=\"https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1\">How to Be an Antiracist\u003c/a>”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!--more-->\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Reading:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-reparations/361631/\">The Case for Reparations\u003c/a>” by Ta-Nehisi Coates\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/22/magazine/the-condition-of-black-life-is-one-of-mourning.html\">The Condition of Black Life Is One of Mourning\u003c/a>” by Claudia Rankine\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Recommended Listening:\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/podcasts/1619-podcast.html\">1619\u003c/a>” podcast from Nikole Hannah-Jones and the New York Times\u003cbr>\n“\u003ca href=\"https://www.sceneonradio.org/\">Scene on Radio\u003c/a>,” a Peabody-nominated podcast from the Center for Documentary Studies at Duke University\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have a question for the show? Email us at truthbetold@kqed.org, call us at (415) 553-2802 or use the hashtag #AskTBT. Follow us at @truthbetoldkqed on \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/TruthBeToldKQED\">Twitter\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/truthbetoldkqed/?hl=en\">Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"info": "KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/news/series/baycurious",
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 3
},
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}
},
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"id": "bbc-world-service",
"title": "BBC World Service",
"info": "The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service",
"meta": {
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"source": "BBC World Service"
},
"link": "/radio/program/bbc-world-service",
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"rss": "https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"
}
},
"californiareport": {
"id": "californiareport",
"title": "The California Report",
"tagline": "California, day by day",
"info": "KQED’s statewide radio news program providing daily coverage of issues, trends and public policy decisions.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-California-Report-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/californiareport",
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 8
},
"link": "/californiareport",
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}
},
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"title": "The California Report Magazine",
"tagline": "Your state, your stories",
"info": "Every week, The California Report Magazine takes you on a road trip for the ears: to visit the places and meet the people who make California unique. The in-depth storytelling podcast from the California Report.",
"airtime": "FRI 4:30pm-5pm, 6:30pm-7pm, 11pm-11:30pm",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/californiareportmagazine",
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"order": 10
},
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM3NjkwNjk1OTAz",
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},
"city-arts": {
"id": "city-arts",
"title": "City Arts & Lectures",
"info": "A one-hour radio program to hear celebrated writers, artists and thinkers address contemporary ideas and values, often discussing the creative process. Please note: tapes or transcripts are not available",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/05/cityartsandlecture-300x300.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.cityarts.net/",
"airtime": "SUN 1pm-2pm, TUE 10pm, WED 1am",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "City Arts & Lectures"
},
"link": "https://www.cityarts.net",
"subscribe": {
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/City-Arts-and-Lectures-p692/",
"rss": "https://www.cityarts.net/feed/"
}
},
"closealltabs": {
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"info": "Close All Tabs breaks down how digital culture shapes our world through thoughtful insights and irreverent humor.",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/closealltabs",
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 1
},
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"id": "code-switch-life-kit",
"title": "Code Switch / Life Kit",
"info": "\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />",
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"meta": {
"site": "radio",
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},
"link": "/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit",
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},
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"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
"airtime": "THU 10pm, FRI 1am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
"link": "/radio/program/commonwealth-club",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/commonwealth-club-of-california-podcast/id976334034?mt=2",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw",
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},
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"id": "forum",
"title": "Forum",
"tagline": "The conversation starts here",
"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal",
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"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 9
},
"link": "/forum",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz",
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"freakonomics-radio": {
"id": "freakonomics-radio",
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"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/freakonomicsRadio.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://freakonomics.com/",
"airtime": "SUN 1am-2am, SAT 3pm-4pm",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/freakonomics-radio",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/freakonomics-radio/id354668519",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/Freakonomics-Radio-p272293/",
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},
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"id": "fresh-air",
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"link": "/radio/program/fresh-air",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"info": "A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.",
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},
"hidden-brain": {
"id": "hidden-brain",
"title": "Hidden Brain",
"info": "Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices and direct our relationships.",
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"airtime": "SUN 7pm-8pm",
"meta": {
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"source": "NPR"
},
"link": "/radio/program/hidden-brain",
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},
"how-i-built-this": {
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"title": "How I Built This with Guy Raz",
"info": "Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. How I Built This weaves a narrative journey about innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists—and the movements they built.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/howIBuiltThis.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this",
"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
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"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/how-i-built-this",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-i-built-this-with-guy-raz/id1150510297?mt=2",
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},
"hyphenacion": {
"id": "hyphenacion",
"title": "Hyphenación",
"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Hyphenacion_FinalAssets_PodcastTile.png",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
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"order": 15
},
"link": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
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},
"jerrybrown": {
"id": "jerrybrown",
"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Political-Mind-of-Jerry-Brown-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 18
},
"link": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
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}
},
"latino-usa": {
"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
"airtime": "MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm",
"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/latino-usa",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=79681317&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510016/podcast.xml"
}
},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "American Public Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/marketplace",
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"rss": "https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/marketplace-pm/rss/rss"
}
},
"masters-of-scale": {
"id": "masters-of-scale",
"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WaitWhat"
},
"link": "/radio/program/masters-of-scale",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "http://mastersofscale.app.link/",
"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
"tagline": "A podcast about the future of learning and how we raise our kids",
"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/mindshift/",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 12
},
"link": "/podcasts/mindshift",
"subscribe": {
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"
}
},
"morning-edition": {
"id": "morning-edition",
"title": "Morning Edition",
"info": "\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3am-9am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/morning-edition"
},
"onourwatch": {
"id": "onourwatch",
"title": "On Our Watch",
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