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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">Robert puked blood all over everyone and everything\u003c/a>. Will they ever get the stains out of the carpet? Will the hospital storyline finally die, like Robert should have? Will I be nicer to him now that he's been through such a traumatic experience? Nope to the latter and only one way to find out about the other two! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is back from his death bed and grumpy as ever. He doesn't want people coming in and gawking at all of his toys during a charity open house at Downton. Cora tells him to get over it, which is ironic because she, of all people, should be able to sympathize with not wanting people to ever touch your stuff. #WeddingCoat-gate #NeverForget\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's very obvious that, when Robert puked blood in her face, there was a small secret part of her that exclaimed: \u003cem>Ah, at last he croaks and I am free to go get my groove back in Jamaica!\u003c/em> Sorry, Cora, no hot boy toy for you, I'm afraid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson echoes Robert's out-of-touch, irritable white dude complaints about the open house. Daisy says something Marxist that for once has nothing to do with her father-in-law (hallelujah). And Molesley is paranoid that the commoners who get to see the Abbey's opulence will start to question why the Crawleys have everything while others have nothing. Thomas thinks that's a good question. Carson, who becomes more hatable by the word, bullies him for speaking: \"How is your job search going, Mr Barrow?\" Does Downton have an HR department? This is a hostile work environment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager seems playful and/or drunk. She casually eats snacks, while making fun of poor people and teasing Isobel over her former boyfriend Lord Merton. It's like the good ol' days before the stupid hospital drama. Keep pouring that whiskey into her tea, Denker!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Edith (a.k.a. Jan Brady) tells the family about her new boo, George Glass. Mary (a.k.a. Marcia Brady) challenges her because the Aw-my-sister-had-to-give-birth-in-secret-to-a-dead-man's-baby empathy from last episode has worn off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Is he worth it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20340\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20340\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif no\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif 250w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith: \u003c/strong>As opposed to your car mechanic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20341\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20341\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" alt=\"marcia nose gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith finally landed a comeback! A well-earned hair flip is in order.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20343\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20343\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" alt=\"jan brady happy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"290\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Daisy's father-in-law's place (a.k.a. Chez Marigold's Kidnapper), Daisy puts up a portrait of her husband-for-four-seconds and pretends she didn't treat him like dirt when he was alive. Her father-in-law gives her a letter to give to Mrs. Patmore and Daisy irrationally fills with jealous rage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson peer pressures Robert to drink wine out of a flask. The absurdity of that sentence proves that \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> should have probably ended a year or two ago. Carson and Robert talk about how much they hate Thomas and wish he would die or get another job or something. Then they take turns complaining about the open house. Every scene with these two is like a prequel to \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://lemerg.com/data/wallpapers/21/961636.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">Grumpy Old Men\u003c/a>\u003c/em> or an unfunny Statler and Waldorf bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20345\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20345\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" alt=\"statler and waldorf\" width=\"349\" height=\"199\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore finds her letter from Daisy's father-in-law in the trash. Daisy is totally going to flunk her exam, if this bit of sabotage is any indication of her intelligence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter tells Cora that the man she was supposed to testify against got 10 years in prison. Cora is like \u003cem>Cool, now I can go back to not caring about your personal life.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are on a miserable walk. On top of ridiculing her cooking last week, Carson now also has a problem with how Mrs. Hughes makes coffee, polishes the silver and makes the bed. Puke blood in his face, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna tells Mary she needs to see a doctor again. Mary is like \u003cem>Yay, I get to party with a hot boy in London! Uh, I mean, sorry about your problematic pregnancy. I hope you're okay.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, there's more news on the boring hospital merger front. York \u003cem>will\u003c/em> take over the hospital and they're pushing the Dowager out and replacing her with Cora. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7HJH0IH3dc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Mary tells Branson about her plans to hang out at a spot called the Criterion with Evelyn Napier (the guy she friend-zoned / best friend of the dead Turk). Edith swoops in with a Debbie Downer remembrance of her dead boyfriend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I used to go to the Criterion with Michael.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20347\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20347\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you have to put a damper on every restaurant in the capital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Point for Mary, which ties the score (remember the car mechanic dig from earlier?). But wait, there's more!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Edith, you can manage for a day without us, can't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I can manage without \u003cem>you\u003c/em> for as long as you want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith is getting the hang of this! 2-1.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson:\u003c/strong> Why don't you come with us?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> And watch Mary flirt with her oily driver? No thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gross classism aside, Edith is killing it. She's finally had it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20348\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Thomas is giving George another random piggy back ride. When Mary shows up, George explains that he was cheering Thomas up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you need cheering up, Barrow?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> We all need it sometimes, m'lady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20349\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20349\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" alt=\"Don't_make_me_cry\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is bored out of his mind in bed, wishing the same thing Cora and I do: that he was dead. Mary stops by to ask if he knows why Thomas is sad. Robert is like \u003cem>Carson and I hate gays and want him to leave.\u003c/em> Mary is like \u003cem>Oh, okay\u003c/em>. Glad she got that cleared up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates makes a huge deal about Anna going away for the evening. Even when he says sweet things, they come across as scary and controlling: \"I miss you when you're out of sight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson gleefully tells Thomas how useless he is and basically fires him. He stops short of clapping while shouting Yipee! I advise Thomas to do the same thing I advised Mrs. Hughes to do earlier: Puke blood in his face!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes by and Carson reminds her again that she sucks at everything and could really use some training in cooking from Mrs. Patmore. Ughhh! I hope Carson nods off after drinking his flask wine and a boa constrictor slithers into his room and devours him super slowly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the schoolhouse, a teacher gives Molesley props for caring about Daisy's education and wonders if he might want to work at the school in some capacity. Molesley reacts like Piglet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20350\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20350\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" alt=\"piglet anxiety gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Carson continues being the worst:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson [to Mrs. Hughes]:\u003c/strong> \"I'm expecting a delicious dinner prepared by the fair hands of my beautiful wife.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Seriously, Mrs. Hughes, annulment, look it up in one of Daisy's books.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Thomas and Andy try to decide whose room they'll meet up in later. Unfortunately, they're not talking about hooking up. It's just to teach dyslexic Andy how to read books about pigs. Sigh. Mrs. Patmore overhears and assumes they're going to make sweet love to each other. In an alternate universe where the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers know what they're doing, that is what's really going on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary gives Anna a hard time for being late to dress her. Anna explains that she had to take a freakin' bus and also had to, you know, figure out if her baby is going to live or not (thanks for asking, Mary!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Cora is all excited about her new position at the hospital. Robert condescendingly explains that she shouldn't worry her little head with work and should just stay home and serve no purpose like him. When the boa finishes with Carson, he should slither upstairs and take care of Robert too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary meets up with a bunch of her boo's friends. She doesn't exactly make the best first impression. \"A table of singletons at our age, well done.\" One of the girls at the table explains that they're war widows. Mary is like\u003cem> I'm not. My husband just sucked at driving.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Carson cottage, it's dinner time a.k.a. let-me-ridicule-my-new-wife-incessantly-until-she-stabs-me-dead o'clock. Carson wishes Mrs. Hughes hadn't forgotten the lemon for his salmon. He also wishes she would've whipped up some horseradish, thinned with a little sour cream. And the skin on the duck better be crispy! Oh, and Mrs. Hughes isn't allowed to drink anymore out of respect for Robert's combustible ulcer. Yikes. If I were Hughes, I would knock the dinner onto the floor, call up alcoholic Denker and spend all night doing this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20355\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20355\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" alt=\"amy wine gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary goes on a walk with her new man and they go from 0 to make out in the rain and say I love you for the first time. They even negotiate how often Mary will visit the racetrack to watch him drive around when they're married. I get that we're in the final few episodes and need to move things along, but come on now, these two have hung out like four times in their lives. I have a more robust relationship with the guy who owns the corner store near my house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Mary gets home, she drinks whiskey (my kind of girl!) and kicks it with Branson who never seems to do much of anything these days. From revolutionary chauffeur to neutered layabout. Sybil's death really messed everything up. Anyway, Mary slings some mud in Edith's direction, who's not even around, by calling her new boyfriend \"boring to an Olympic degree,\" because she's drunk and crapping all over Edith is fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a distant part of Yorkshire, Olympic bore himself walks along the road with a bunch of luggage because Edith sucks at life and couldn't get her car to start. They both seem like bad kissers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel's place, Lord Merton shows up with his nasty son's new fiance. She's explains that she's an Isobel groupie and apologizes for being engaged to a monster. Operation Win Her Back Before the Christmas Special is in full effect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the servants talk about Daisy's imminent test. Daisy is excited in a cute baby Gizmo type of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20352\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20352\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"gizmo gif\" width=\"474\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But then Mrs. Patmore mentions Daisy's father-in-law and Daisy transforms into a crazy jealous Gremlin freak.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20353\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20353\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" alt=\"gremlins\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore vows to contact him anyway because she doesn't want to be a virgin on her death bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith decides a third date is as good a time as any to introduce her new boyfriend to her sleeping super secret daughter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law shows up to give Mrs. Patmore some I-secretly-love-you vegetables. Daisy is not pleased:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20354\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20354\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"gremlins slap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Olympic bore coaches the family on how to host a proper open house. Damn, Mary was right; I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> bored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mr. Carson similarly bores everyone with open house talk. He also manages to insult Daisy's appearance by reminding her to \"look presentable.\" Ugh, where is that boa?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Mary tells Branson she's going to get over the fact that her husband died in a car crash and start liking cars again so that her new boo will keep liking her. Good for her, I guess?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Robert tells Cora that Edith's new dude doesn't have any prospects. Cora replies, \"What are Edith's prospects?\" Ouch, mama! But I guess she's right; beggars who are willing to date their burn victim cousin can't be choosers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a hallway downstairs, Carson catches Andy coming out of Thomas' bedroom. The music turns sinister and gay panic ensues, just in case you forgot that, on top of all his other awful qualities, Carson is also relentlessly homophobic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, the riff raff arrive to gawk at the Abbey. They have a lot of questions about architects and painters and Cora, Edith and Mary don't know anything about anything. The poor people are like \u003cem>Ew, read a book\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager swoops in and has the best crowd control skills: making a disgusted face until people move out of the way. She finds Cora and makes a scene over being pushed out of the hospital. She doesn't want to see Cora's face again until she becomes \"used to having a traitor in the family.\" Despite this storyline being so very tired, this freakout works because of Maggie Smith. She is really too good for this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random village boy shows up in Robert's room and they have a conversation about how annoying moms can be and why people live in big houses. The boy seems smarter than Robert, which isn't that hard of a feat actually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore takes Carson aside to air out her concerns that Andy is being converted into a gay by Thomas. I'm running out of people I can stand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Lord Merton is still trotting out his future daughter-in-law in a bid to make everyone forget that his sons wanted Isobel dead. It will probably work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson corners Thomas and tries to get him to confess to seducing Andy. Thomas denies it and asks if, after all these years, his word is still not good enough. Carson says nope. And then Denker and Mrs. Hughes, drunk out of their gourds, jump out of nowhere and set Carson on fire. What? A boy can dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk talk about how their way of life has become like \"a fat lady in the circus.\" Mary vows to stay in the house forever and ever. Yeah, good luck with that, poor oily driver lover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dark, all alone, Thomas sits in a rocking chair and weeps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20364\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20364\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" alt=\"oprah gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I hope one of his organs blows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> She landed some good punches, got to kiss a boy, and no one kidnapped her baby. A good week, all in all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> The fact that she hasn't poisoned Carson yet is truly astounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> She drank some whiskey, made out in the rain and wore a cool headband. Is there more to life than that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Thomas\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>Someday, someone will give him a piggy back ride. Actually, probably not. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "This week, someone turns into a jealous Gremlin.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">Robert puked blood all over everyone and everything\u003c/a>. Will they ever get the stains out of the carpet? Will the hospital storyline finally die, like Robert should have? Will I be nicer to him now that he's been through such a traumatic experience? Nope to the latter and only one way to find out about the other two! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is back from his death bed and grumpy as ever. He doesn't want people coming in and gawking at all of his toys during a charity open house at Downton. Cora tells him to get over it, which is ironic because she, of all people, should be able to sympathize with not wanting people to ever touch your stuff. #WeddingCoat-gate #NeverForget\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's very obvious that, when Robert puked blood in her face, there was a small secret part of her that exclaimed: \u003cem>Ah, at last he croaks and I am free to go get my groove back in Jamaica!\u003c/em> Sorry, Cora, no hot boy toy for you, I'm afraid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson echoes Robert's out-of-touch, irritable white dude complaints about the open house. Daisy says something Marxist that for once has nothing to do with her father-in-law (hallelujah). And Molesley is paranoid that the commoners who get to see the Abbey's opulence will start to question why the Crawleys have everything while others have nothing. Thomas thinks that's a good question. Carson, who becomes more hatable by the word, bullies him for speaking: \"How is your job search going, Mr Barrow?\" Does Downton have an HR department? This is a hostile work environment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager seems playful and/or drunk. She casually eats snacks, while making fun of poor people and teasing Isobel over her former boyfriend Lord Merton. It's like the good ol' days before the stupid hospital drama. Keep pouring that whiskey into her tea, Denker!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Edith (a.k.a. Jan Brady) tells the family about her new boo, George Glass. Mary (a.k.a. Marcia Brady) challenges her because the Aw-my-sister-had-to-give-birth-in-secret-to-a-dead-man's-baby empathy from last episode has worn off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Is he worth it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20340\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20340\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif no\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif 250w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith: \u003c/strong>As opposed to your car mechanic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20341\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20341\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" alt=\"marcia nose gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith finally landed a comeback! A well-earned hair flip is in order.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20343\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20343\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" alt=\"jan brady happy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"290\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Daisy's father-in-law's place (a.k.a. Chez Marigold's Kidnapper), Daisy puts up a portrait of her husband-for-four-seconds and pretends she didn't treat him like dirt when he was alive. Her father-in-law gives her a letter to give to Mrs. Patmore and Daisy irrationally fills with jealous rage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson peer pressures Robert to drink wine out of a flask. The absurdity of that sentence proves that \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> should have probably ended a year or two ago. Carson and Robert talk about how much they hate Thomas and wish he would die or get another job or something. Then they take turns complaining about the open house. Every scene with these two is like a prequel to \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://lemerg.com/data/wallpapers/21/961636.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">Grumpy Old Men\u003c/a>\u003c/em> or an unfunny Statler and Waldorf bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20345\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20345\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" alt=\"statler and waldorf\" width=\"349\" height=\"199\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore finds her letter from Daisy's father-in-law in the trash. Daisy is totally going to flunk her exam, if this bit of sabotage is any indication of her intelligence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter tells Cora that the man she was supposed to testify against got 10 years in prison. Cora is like \u003cem>Cool, now I can go back to not caring about your personal life.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are on a miserable walk. On top of ridiculing her cooking last week, Carson now also has a problem with how Mrs. Hughes makes coffee, polishes the silver and makes the bed. Puke blood in his face, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna tells Mary she needs to see a doctor again. Mary is like \u003cem>Yay, I get to party with a hot boy in London! Uh, I mean, sorry about your problematic pregnancy. I hope you're okay.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, there's more news on the boring hospital merger front. York \u003cem>will\u003c/em> take over the hospital and they're pushing the Dowager out and replacing her with Cora. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Mary tells Branson about her plans to hang out at a spot called the Criterion with Evelyn Napier (the guy she friend-zoned / best friend of the dead Turk). Edith swoops in with a Debbie Downer remembrance of her dead boyfriend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I used to go to the Criterion with Michael.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20347\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20347\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you have to put a damper on every restaurant in the capital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Point for Mary, which ties the score (remember the car mechanic dig from earlier?). But wait, there's more!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Edith, you can manage for a day without us, can't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I can manage without \u003cem>you\u003c/em> for as long as you want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith is getting the hang of this! 2-1.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson:\u003c/strong> Why don't you come with us?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> And watch Mary flirt with her oily driver? No thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gross classism aside, Edith is killing it. She's finally had it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20348\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Thomas is giving George another random piggy back ride. When Mary shows up, George explains that he was cheering Thomas up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you need cheering up, Barrow?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> We all need it sometimes, m'lady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20349\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20349\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" alt=\"Don't_make_me_cry\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is bored out of his mind in bed, wishing the same thing Cora and I do: that he was dead. Mary stops by to ask if he knows why Thomas is sad. Robert is like \u003cem>Carson and I hate gays and want him to leave.\u003c/em> Mary is like \u003cem>Oh, okay\u003c/em>. Glad she got that cleared up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates makes a huge deal about Anna going away for the evening. Even when he says sweet things, they come across as scary and controlling: \"I miss you when you're out of sight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson gleefully tells Thomas how useless he is and basically fires him. He stops short of clapping while shouting Yipee! I advise Thomas to do the same thing I advised Mrs. Hughes to do earlier: Puke blood in his face!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes by and Carson reminds her again that she sucks at everything and could really use some training in cooking from Mrs. Patmore. Ughhh! I hope Carson nods off after drinking his flask wine and a boa constrictor slithers into his room and devours him super slowly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the schoolhouse, a teacher gives Molesley props for caring about Daisy's education and wonders if he might want to work at the school in some capacity. Molesley reacts like Piglet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20350\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20350\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" alt=\"piglet anxiety gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Carson continues being the worst:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson [to Mrs. Hughes]:\u003c/strong> \"I'm expecting a delicious dinner prepared by the fair hands of my beautiful wife.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Seriously, Mrs. Hughes, annulment, look it up in one of Daisy's books.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Thomas and Andy try to decide whose room they'll meet up in later. Unfortunately, they're not talking about hooking up. It's just to teach dyslexic Andy how to read books about pigs. Sigh. Mrs. Patmore overhears and assumes they're going to make sweet love to each other. In an alternate universe where the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers know what they're doing, that is what's really going on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary gives Anna a hard time for being late to dress her. Anna explains that she had to take a freakin' bus and also had to, you know, figure out if her baby is going to live or not (thanks for asking, Mary!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Cora is all excited about her new position at the hospital. Robert condescendingly explains that she shouldn't worry her little head with work and should just stay home and serve no purpose like him. When the boa finishes with Carson, he should slither upstairs and take care of Robert too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary meets up with a bunch of her boo's friends. She doesn't exactly make the best first impression. \"A table of singletons at our age, well done.\" One of the girls at the table explains that they're war widows. Mary is like\u003cem> I'm not. My husband just sucked at driving.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Carson cottage, it's dinner time a.k.a. let-me-ridicule-my-new-wife-incessantly-until-she-stabs-me-dead o'clock. Carson wishes Mrs. Hughes hadn't forgotten the lemon for his salmon. He also wishes she would've whipped up some horseradish, thinned with a little sour cream. And the skin on the duck better be crispy! Oh, and Mrs. Hughes isn't allowed to drink anymore out of respect for Robert's combustible ulcer. Yikes. If I were Hughes, I would knock the dinner onto the floor, call up alcoholic Denker and spend all night doing this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20355\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20355\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" alt=\"amy wine gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary goes on a walk with her new man and they go from 0 to make out in the rain and say I love you for the first time. They even negotiate how often Mary will visit the racetrack to watch him drive around when they're married. I get that we're in the final few episodes and need to move things along, but come on now, these two have hung out like four times in their lives. I have a more robust relationship with the guy who owns the corner store near my house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Mary gets home, she drinks whiskey (my kind of girl!) and kicks it with Branson who never seems to do much of anything these days. From revolutionary chauffeur to neutered layabout. Sybil's death really messed everything up. Anyway, Mary slings some mud in Edith's direction, who's not even around, by calling her new boyfriend \"boring to an Olympic degree,\" because she's drunk and crapping all over Edith is fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a distant part of Yorkshire, Olympic bore himself walks along the road with a bunch of luggage because Edith sucks at life and couldn't get her car to start. They both seem like bad kissers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel's place, Lord Merton shows up with his nasty son's new fiance. She's explains that she's an Isobel groupie and apologizes for being engaged to a monster. Operation Win Her Back Before the Christmas Special is in full effect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the servants talk about Daisy's imminent test. Daisy is excited in a cute baby Gizmo type of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20352\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20352\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"gizmo gif\" width=\"474\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But then Mrs. Patmore mentions Daisy's father-in-law and Daisy transforms into a crazy jealous Gremlin freak.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20353\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20353\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" alt=\"gremlins\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore vows to contact him anyway because she doesn't want to be a virgin on her death bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith decides a third date is as good a time as any to introduce her new boyfriend to her sleeping super secret daughter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law shows up to give Mrs. Patmore some I-secretly-love-you vegetables. Daisy is not pleased:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20354\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20354\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"gremlins slap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Olympic bore coaches the family on how to host a proper open house. Damn, Mary was right; I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> bored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mr. Carson similarly bores everyone with open house talk. He also manages to insult Daisy's appearance by reminding her to \"look presentable.\" Ugh, where is that boa?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Mary tells Branson she's going to get over the fact that her husband died in a car crash and start liking cars again so that her new boo will keep liking her. Good for her, I guess?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Robert tells Cora that Edith's new dude doesn't have any prospects. Cora replies, \"What are Edith's prospects?\" Ouch, mama! But I guess she's right; beggars who are willing to date their burn victim cousin can't be choosers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a hallway downstairs, Carson catches Andy coming out of Thomas' bedroom. The music turns sinister and gay panic ensues, just in case you forgot that, on top of all his other awful qualities, Carson is also relentlessly homophobic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, the riff raff arrive to gawk at the Abbey. They have a lot of questions about architects and painters and Cora, Edith and Mary don't know anything about anything. The poor people are like \u003cem>Ew, read a book\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager swoops in and has the best crowd control skills: making a disgusted face until people move out of the way. She finds Cora and makes a scene over being pushed out of the hospital. She doesn't want to see Cora's face again until she becomes \"used to having a traitor in the family.\" Despite this storyline being so very tired, this freakout works because of Maggie Smith. She is really too good for this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random village boy shows up in Robert's room and they have a conversation about how annoying moms can be and why people live in big houses. The boy seems smarter than Robert, which isn't that hard of a feat actually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore takes Carson aside to air out her concerns that Andy is being converted into a gay by Thomas. I'm running out of people I can stand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Lord Merton is still trotting out his future daughter-in-law in a bid to make everyone forget that his sons wanted Isobel dead. It will probably work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson corners Thomas and tries to get him to confess to seducing Andy. Thomas denies it and asks if, after all these years, his word is still not good enough. Carson says nope. And then Denker and Mrs. Hughes, drunk out of their gourds, jump out of nowhere and set Carson on fire. What? A boy can dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk talk about how their way of life has become like \"a fat lady in the circus.\" Mary vows to stay in the house forever and ever. Yeah, good luck with that, poor oily driver lover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dark, all alone, Thomas sits in a rocking chair and weeps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20364\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20364\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" alt=\"oprah gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I hope one of his organs blows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> She landed some good punches, got to kiss a boy, and no one kidnapped her baby. A good week, all in all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> The fact that she hasn't poisoned Carson yet is truly astounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> She drank some whiskey, made out in the rain and wore a cool headband. Is there more to life than that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Thomas\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>Someday, someone will give him a piggy back ride. Actually, probably not. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday",
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"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Sybil's ghost returned to Downton\u003c/a> to make everything right. Will she still be floating around this week and come up behind Branson while \u003ca href=\"https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/ghoflop1.gif\" target=\"_blank\">he's molding clay at a pottery wheel\u003c/a>? Will she hide all of Cora's coats to incite a class war? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's moving day for Daisy's father-in-law. See what having insane daily outbursts and stalking people will get you? Lots of square footage, but imagine all the really bad juju left over from Marigold's kidnapper. Here's hoping Daisy had the good sense to steal some sage from Mrs. Patmore's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a hill overlooking the Abbey, Branson asks Mary if she's pissed that he orchestrated handing over the Drews' farm to Daisy's mooch father-in-law behind her back. Mary says it ain't no thang 'cause now that there's a new hunk on the horizon and baby George is out of diapers (not that she ever changed any of them herself), her rage issues have subsided. Or maybe the London miscarriage-preventing doctor wrote her a prescription for chill pills? Either way, drop a pair of shades on Mary's face 'cause she's as cool as a cucumber these days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Mrs. Patmore asks about the move and Daisy reveals that her father-in-law moved all his crap into the front courtyard and the Drews haven't even moved out yet! Way to rub it in! Zero couth!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite getting her way, Daisy is still super bitter about her father-in-law's former landlord. Girl, get a life! Or take that exam or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Daisy decide to go on an outing to visit the farm (probably to point and laugh as Marigold's kidnapper, her husband and all their newly homeless kids move out). Andy pops out of nowhere to invite himself along. For once, Thomas isn't there to be brutally rebuffed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith gets a letter from her newspaper deadline crush that makes her giggle as loud as she has to in order to get her dad's attention. Before Robert can get into the birds and the bees talk with her, the Dowager waltzes in with a new scheme to stop the hospital merger. She plans to use a Crimea war connection (sometimes I forget she's 2 billion years old) to get the Minister of Health to pay a visit and listen to all her reasons why the family should retain control. 1. Because. 2. Um...yeah, that's about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert doesn't think she can pull it off, to which the Dowager uses my new favorite insult: \"Don't be jejune!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the kitchen, Mrs. Hughes wants to have dinner with Mr. Carson in their new cottage instead of with everyone else. Guess she's taken a liking to being naked around the hubster. Mrs. Patmore gives her a hard time and Daisy says she's just jealous. Mrs. Patmore is like \u003cem>Uh, duh! I'm a 50-year-old virgin!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Robert tells the fam that Mary's new husband who I should probably call by his real name at some point wants her to join him as he looks at a car. Branson invites himself because he's funemployed and then asks if Edith wants to come too. She declines because she's come to enjoy being the outsider martyr. Then...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Act MMXVII of \u003cem>Mary and Edith Almost Tear Each Other's Hair Out But Don't Because They're British\u003c/em>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Edith has a date.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> No, I don't.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Of course not.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> What do you mean, \"Of course not\"?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20119\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20119\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20120\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20120\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for that giggle-inducing letter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20121\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20121\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" alt=\"marcia jan brady gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, sad puppy-eyed Baxter does not giggle while reading a letter from the Sergeant about her testimony. Bates comes in to mansplain that she should think about what she wants to say before getting on the stand. Thanks for the valuable intel, Sherlock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas comes in to hit on Andy for the zillionth time. Andy literally says \"Thanks, but no thanks\" and walks off. I CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE SCENES, JULIAN FELLOWES. JUST HAVE ANDY STICK A BUTCHER KNIFE IN THOMAS' HEART AND BE DONE WITH IT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*collects self*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, where were we? Ah, yes. The old people are upstairs scheming about how they can get the most out of the Health Minister's visit. Cousin Isobel's self-righteousness has officially become a supporting character.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the shoe polish room where everything always happens, Bates and Anna grill Andy about why he's so rude to Thomas. Andy says he's gotten to know something about Thomas, something he doesn't want to say \"with a lady present.\" Bates and Anna are like \u003cem>LOLOL We've known he was gay since before you were born, bucko! \u003c/em>Andy goes on to say\u003cem> No homo \u003c/em>a thousand times in a row and Bates and Anna give each other a knowing look that says\u003cem> Does the closeted gay protest too much?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson/Hughes sex cottage, Mrs. Hughes serves Carson dinner like a good early 20th century housewife. He complains about the meat not being cooked to his liking, the plate being cold and the knife not being sharp enough like a typical early 20th century husband. Mrs. Hughes hates her life and regrets everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, everyone makes Edith feel bad about her date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20124\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20124\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif marcia\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes tells Patmore and Daisy all about how Carson is an entitled, sexist picky-eater who probably is one of those people who claim cilantro tastes like soap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Sergeant comes in because it's been more than an hour since he's bugged everyone. Baxter leaves with him as if she's walking to her own death. Molesley fumbles along because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers are trying to turn them into Bates and Anna version 2.0. Return to sender. The original version is more than enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere on the grounds, Branson and Mary talk about her new boy toy. \"I don't mean to sound snobbish, but I won't marry down.\" A totally reasonable thing to say to the former pauper who married into your sister's wealth. Someone forgot to take their chill pill this morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Denker takes a break from blackmailing Spratt to intimidate Dr. Clarkson for switching hospital merger teams. Is it just me or does Denker's wig deserve its own SAG Award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a courtroom somewhere, Baxter tells Molesley she doesn't have to testify after all because criminal dude changed his plea. So the whole point of this anti-climactic storyline was for us to witness Molesley follow Baxter around and help her put on her coat so that when they get together in the end we won't be like \u003cem>That was undeserved! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm, Daisy and co. are all unpacking her father-in-law's things and no one thinks about the fact that the only reason this place is vacant is because of a child abduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Branson stop by to tell Daisy's father-in-law that he's old and how they're concerned he won't be able to take care of the pigs. Andy randomly lies about how he and Mr. Mason have made an arrangement for Andy's young limbs to counterbalance Mr. Mason's feeble ones. Everyone's like \u003cem>Ok cool.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith is on her date. They talk about how his boss is not married and likes to spend all his time in Tangier painting portraits of young men. Ummm, I think we found a boyfriend for Thomas! You had your chance, Andy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith makes a sexy (for Edith) proposition: \"Come to my flat for a drink, I'll show it to you.\" Her date replies: \"What a racy plan.\" He seems like he would be a really good texter and emoji user. I hope he doesn't have any plans to hang out in Germany anytime soon. #RIPMarigoldsDad\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the middle of nowhere, Branson and Mary watch her new dude race cars. Branson gives her a hard time for not enjoying the speed and spectacle. Uh, did he forget that this is triggering because her last husband died while driving too fast?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith interviews a woman who was born in 1892 like herself. They commiserate over being Victorian babies who grew up into modern women. New bestie alert (since it doesn't seem like Virginia Woolf is going to let Edith join the Bloomsbury clique)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the farm, Mr. Mason wants Daisy to come live with him. Seems kind of creepy, but she'll probably do it. Mr. Mason looks at Daisy and then Andy in a way that makes me worry the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are going to put these two together. I should start doing eye exercises now, just in case, so that I can eye roll as hard as I want when the time comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Cora and Robert are baby sitting. Baby Sybbie says something problematic about \"red Indians.\" Kids say the darnedest things, don't they? Robert's side pain is back and he has to sit down. Will the Grim Reaper's scythe be more sharpened than Carson's dinner knife?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, she receives a tattle-tale letter from Dr. Clarkson about Denker, who is fired on the spot. Spratt's lucky day. Her going away party is going to be so boozy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a pub (!), Mary throws a few back. Her new boy brings up Evelyn Napier (former suitor -- until Mary told him he was boring -- and bestie of the Turk who died in Mary's bed). They make plans to have dinner with him soon, which won't be awkward at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hall, Andy and Thomas have the most boring conversation about pigs and books about pigs. Oscar Wilde would be so disappointed. All the words in the world and they use these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Edith's single lady flat, she and her date drink fancy cocktails. Her forehead is wearing jewelry. She explains that she's over Downton and dawdling in Mary's wake and wants to be a hipster in London forevermore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her date is a good listener. He also knows how to pick the right cafes for dinner so Edith green-lights a make out session before they head out. Unlike Mary, Edith tells her date that she doesn't care about his whole I-don't-have-money-and-work-for-a-living thing. Mazel tov, you crazy 1892 babies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy is apparently jealous that Mr. Mason is making new friends because she hasn't been crazy enough this season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson walks in on Daisy, Patmore and Mrs. Hughes chatting and asks Patmore: \"I wonder if you might go through the cooking of [dinner] with Mrs Hughes. It's been a while since she's played with her patty pans, and she's got some catching-up to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20128\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20128\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" alt=\"oh hell no gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes, this is why annulments are a thing. Time to drop this sexist dud and go back to your blissful celibacy immediately!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker is complaining about being fired. Spratt wins me over for the first time with this response: \"How did it happen? Were you drunk?\" Boom! But he's not done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Am I to blame if I have a very \u003cem>passionate\u003c/em> nature?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Any more of that talk and I won't be able to sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Go in, Spratt, go in!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Cora and Robert's room, they both take turns complaining about how annoying this Health Minister dinner is going to be. Then Robert complains about his side pain again, but refuses to skip the meal. Is he going to croak at the dinner table? Is that the only thing that will shut up this dumb hospital debate once and for all? If so, so be it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas hears a crash and investigates. Andy threw a book because he's dyslexic. So his big secret isn't that he's gay, but that he can't read??? Seriously?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20129\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" alt=\"teresa-table-flip\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas promises to help him learn how to read and Andy apologizes for being super homophobic these past few months. Then, Thomas wins an award for Most Melancholic Smile Ever to Grace Lips. And I win an award for Best Continuation of a Recap Despite Wanting to Never Watch \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> Again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker has decided to (shocker!) blackmail Spratt into convincing the Dowager to unfire her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Bates and Anna gossip about Mary's love life. Then, Bates says he wishes everyone was as happy as he is. So he means he wishes everyone would skulk in the shadows, grumble sinister things and continuously get away with murder?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt got Denker her job back so we can put this whole blackmailing/bullying thing to bed, right? Not so much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Oh, and Miss Denker, I don't want to hear another mention of my unfortunate nephew.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Oh, well, that rather depends.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> On what?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> On whether or not I need to mention him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This show is exhausting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the rich people hangout room, the Dowager arrives just in time to witness Robert have more side pain. The contractions are getting closer and closer together! Sybil's ghost's revenge for messing up her delivery and killing her in the process?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager has Carson change the seat assignments for dinner. Robert warns that she's switched to \"a very junior seat.\" The Dowager's reply is in French -- \"Il faut reculer pour mieux sauter\" -- but fear not; I have a French minor (*cough*and access to Google Translate*cough*) and can tell you that it means: \"You must step back to jump further.\" Let the games begin!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Health Minister arrives and everyone is trying to grab him. He totally dyes his mustache.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy criticizes the Minister's lack of support for unions and Carson congratulates him for it. Can someone explain to me why the Downton fandom likes Carson so much? His opinions are terrible and he's not funny or charming or fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the old people fight over the hospital and the Health Minister is turned way off. Robert puts an end to the fighting by grabbing his side, standing up AND SPEWING BLOOD ALL OVER THE TABLE AND EVERYONE AND COLLAPSING AND VOMITING ON THE CARPET.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, I thought he was going to die, but damn! Color me shocked. Also color me red 'cause I think some of his spewed blood went through the screen into my gaping face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once I write \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> off as a predictable bore, something like this happens! It reminds me of when \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em> featured a lawn mower amputation:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20131\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" alt=\"mad men lawnmower gif\" width=\"437\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compare and contrast:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20146\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20146\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I feel kind of bad because I think all the mean things I've written about Robert (albeit valid complaints) may have contributed to him getting an ulcer and that ulcer blowing up all over Cora. Did I do thaaat? (in Urkel voice).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Robert is not doing well. He keeps puking up blood. He chokes out a proclamation of love for Cora while everyone screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants are freaking out too. Carson tells the maids to get coats for Cora and Mary. \"Don't forget Lady Edith.\" Even in times of crisis, the writers can't help but crap all over poor Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20132\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" alt=\"jan ignore brady gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"228\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Health Minister tells Cora: \u003cem>Ummm, I think I'm gonna go... \u003c/em>Then Cora and the Dowager argue over the hospital some more because this seems like a good time for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager brings up the secret of Marigold and Mary overhears and realizes \u003cem>Wait a second...Edith's 9 month vacation and the random mute baby that hangs out with my son all day just might have something to do with each other! \u003c/em>By George, I think she's got it! (Took her long enough).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The medics arrive and cart dazed, confused and blood-soaked Robert off. Everyone follows...except for Branson who is straight up chilling and doesn't seem to be bothered one bit as he leisurely gossips with the Health Minister. Looks like I'm not the only one who holds a grudge against Robert for killing Sybil.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, the servants are all hanging out downstairs waiting for news. Andy is not reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gets a phone call and delivers the news: Robert had surgery and is going to be fine. Yay, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary and Edith get back from the hospital. They're finally alone and no one is around to stop them from finally having a duel once and for all, but enough blood has been shed this evening. Plus, Mary's too weirded out by Edith being someone's mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After Edith goes to bed, Branson rolls up wearing a casual robe because he's been kicking back with zero worries since Robert spewed his insides all over the mansion. Mary tells him that they should take over all control from her dad so he doesn't worry and get another ulcer. Branson rightfully proclaims this The Age of Queen Mary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20137\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20137\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" alt=\"beyonce bow down gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson: \u003c/strong>Make your own F-ing dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary: \u003c/strong>She was very chill about hanging out at a dirty pub. Also, she wore a tie for much of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>So sorry Andy's dyslexic instead of gay. Classy move teaching him how to read anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> She handled having blood puked into her face pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Robert's Exploding Ulcer:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>It did the impossible: revived this lackluster final season and almost killed one of my least faves. Good work, blood-filled combustible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "This week's shocking episode felt like the elevator scene from 'The Shining'.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Sybil's ghost returned to Downton\u003c/a> to make everything right. Will she still be floating around this week and come up behind Branson while \u003ca href=\"https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/ghoflop1.gif\" target=\"_blank\">he's molding clay at a pottery wheel\u003c/a>? Will she hide all of Cora's coats to incite a class war? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's moving day for Daisy's father-in-law. See what having insane daily outbursts and stalking people will get you? Lots of square footage, but imagine all the really bad juju left over from Marigold's kidnapper. Here's hoping Daisy had the good sense to steal some sage from Mrs. Patmore's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a hill overlooking the Abbey, Branson asks Mary if she's pissed that he orchestrated handing over the Drews' farm to Daisy's mooch father-in-law behind her back. Mary says it ain't no thang 'cause now that there's a new hunk on the horizon and baby George is out of diapers (not that she ever changed any of them herself), her rage issues have subsided. Or maybe the London miscarriage-preventing doctor wrote her a prescription for chill pills? Either way, drop a pair of shades on Mary's face 'cause she's as cool as a cucumber these days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Mrs. Patmore asks about the move and Daisy reveals that her father-in-law moved all his crap into the front courtyard and the Drews haven't even moved out yet! Way to rub it in! Zero couth!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite getting her way, Daisy is still super bitter about her father-in-law's former landlord. Girl, get a life! Or take that exam or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Daisy decide to go on an outing to visit the farm (probably to point and laugh as Marigold's kidnapper, her husband and all their newly homeless kids move out). Andy pops out of nowhere to invite himself along. For once, Thomas isn't there to be brutally rebuffed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith gets a letter from her newspaper deadline crush that makes her giggle as loud as she has to in order to get her dad's attention. Before Robert can get into the birds and the bees talk with her, the Dowager waltzes in with a new scheme to stop the hospital merger. She plans to use a Crimea war connection (sometimes I forget she's 2 billion years old) to get the Minister of Health to pay a visit and listen to all her reasons why the family should retain control. 1. Because. 2. Um...yeah, that's about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert doesn't think she can pull it off, to which the Dowager uses my new favorite insult: \"Don't be jejune!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the kitchen, Mrs. Hughes wants to have dinner with Mr. Carson in their new cottage instead of with everyone else. Guess she's taken a liking to being naked around the hubster. Mrs. Patmore gives her a hard time and Daisy says she's just jealous. Mrs. Patmore is like \u003cem>Uh, duh! I'm a 50-year-old virgin!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Robert tells the fam that Mary's new husband who I should probably call by his real name at some point wants her to join him as he looks at a car. Branson invites himself because he's funemployed and then asks if Edith wants to come too. She declines because she's come to enjoy being the outsider martyr. Then...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Act MMXVII of \u003cem>Mary and Edith Almost Tear Each Other's Hair Out But Don't Because They're British\u003c/em>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Edith has a date.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> No, I don't.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Of course not.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> What do you mean, \"Of course not\"?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20119\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20119\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20120\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20120\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for that giggle-inducing letter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20121\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20121\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" alt=\"marcia jan brady gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, sad puppy-eyed Baxter does not giggle while reading a letter from the Sergeant about her testimony. Bates comes in to mansplain that she should think about what she wants to say before getting on the stand. Thanks for the valuable intel, Sherlock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas comes in to hit on Andy for the zillionth time. Andy literally says \"Thanks, but no thanks\" and walks off. I CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE SCENES, JULIAN FELLOWES. JUST HAVE ANDY STICK A BUTCHER KNIFE IN THOMAS' HEART AND BE DONE WITH IT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*collects self*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, where were we? Ah, yes. The old people are upstairs scheming about how they can get the most out of the Health Minister's visit. Cousin Isobel's self-righteousness has officially become a supporting character.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the shoe polish room where everything always happens, Bates and Anna grill Andy about why he's so rude to Thomas. Andy says he's gotten to know something about Thomas, something he doesn't want to say \"with a lady present.\" Bates and Anna are like \u003cem>LOLOL We've known he was gay since before you were born, bucko! \u003c/em>Andy goes on to say\u003cem> No homo \u003c/em>a thousand times in a row and Bates and Anna give each other a knowing look that says\u003cem> Does the closeted gay protest too much?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson/Hughes sex cottage, Mrs. Hughes serves Carson dinner like a good early 20th century housewife. He complains about the meat not being cooked to his liking, the plate being cold and the knife not being sharp enough like a typical early 20th century husband. Mrs. Hughes hates her life and regrets everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, everyone makes Edith feel bad about her date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20124\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20124\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif marcia\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes tells Patmore and Daisy all about how Carson is an entitled, sexist picky-eater who probably is one of those people who claim cilantro tastes like soap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Sergeant comes in because it's been more than an hour since he's bugged everyone. Baxter leaves with him as if she's walking to her own death. Molesley fumbles along because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers are trying to turn them into Bates and Anna version 2.0. Return to sender. The original version is more than enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere on the grounds, Branson and Mary talk about her new boy toy. \"I don't mean to sound snobbish, but I won't marry down.\" A totally reasonable thing to say to the former pauper who married into your sister's wealth. Someone forgot to take their chill pill this morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Denker takes a break from blackmailing Spratt to intimidate Dr. Clarkson for switching hospital merger teams. Is it just me or does Denker's wig deserve its own SAG Award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a courtroom somewhere, Baxter tells Molesley she doesn't have to testify after all because criminal dude changed his plea. So the whole point of this anti-climactic storyline was for us to witness Molesley follow Baxter around and help her put on her coat so that when they get together in the end we won't be like \u003cem>That was undeserved! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm, Daisy and co. are all unpacking her father-in-law's things and no one thinks about the fact that the only reason this place is vacant is because of a child abduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Branson stop by to tell Daisy's father-in-law that he's old and how they're concerned he won't be able to take care of the pigs. Andy randomly lies about how he and Mr. Mason have made an arrangement for Andy's young limbs to counterbalance Mr. Mason's feeble ones. Everyone's like \u003cem>Ok cool.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith is on her date. They talk about how his boss is not married and likes to spend all his time in Tangier painting portraits of young men. Ummm, I think we found a boyfriend for Thomas! You had your chance, Andy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith makes a sexy (for Edith) proposition: \"Come to my flat for a drink, I'll show it to you.\" Her date replies: \"What a racy plan.\" He seems like he would be a really good texter and emoji user. I hope he doesn't have any plans to hang out in Germany anytime soon. #RIPMarigoldsDad\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the middle of nowhere, Branson and Mary watch her new dude race cars. Branson gives her a hard time for not enjoying the speed and spectacle. Uh, did he forget that this is triggering because her last husband died while driving too fast?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith interviews a woman who was born in 1892 like herself. They commiserate over being Victorian babies who grew up into modern women. New bestie alert (since it doesn't seem like Virginia Woolf is going to let Edith join the Bloomsbury clique)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the farm, Mr. Mason wants Daisy to come live with him. Seems kind of creepy, but she'll probably do it. Mr. Mason looks at Daisy and then Andy in a way that makes me worry the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are going to put these two together. I should start doing eye exercises now, just in case, so that I can eye roll as hard as I want when the time comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Cora and Robert are baby sitting. Baby Sybbie says something problematic about \"red Indians.\" Kids say the darnedest things, don't they? Robert's side pain is back and he has to sit down. Will the Grim Reaper's scythe be more sharpened than Carson's dinner knife?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, she receives a tattle-tale letter from Dr. Clarkson about Denker, who is fired on the spot. Spratt's lucky day. Her going away party is going to be so boozy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a pub (!), Mary throws a few back. Her new boy brings up Evelyn Napier (former suitor -- until Mary told him he was boring -- and bestie of the Turk who died in Mary's bed). They make plans to have dinner with him soon, which won't be awkward at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hall, Andy and Thomas have the most boring conversation about pigs and books about pigs. Oscar Wilde would be so disappointed. All the words in the world and they use these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Edith's single lady flat, she and her date drink fancy cocktails. Her forehead is wearing jewelry. She explains that she's over Downton and dawdling in Mary's wake and wants to be a hipster in London forevermore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her date is a good listener. He also knows how to pick the right cafes for dinner so Edith green-lights a make out session before they head out. Unlike Mary, Edith tells her date that she doesn't care about his whole I-don't-have-money-and-work-for-a-living thing. Mazel tov, you crazy 1892 babies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy is apparently jealous that Mr. Mason is making new friends because she hasn't been crazy enough this season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson walks in on Daisy, Patmore and Mrs. Hughes chatting and asks Patmore: \"I wonder if you might go through the cooking of [dinner] with Mrs Hughes. It's been a while since she's played with her patty pans, and she's got some catching-up to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20128\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20128\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" alt=\"oh hell no gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes, this is why annulments are a thing. Time to drop this sexist dud and go back to your blissful celibacy immediately!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker is complaining about being fired. Spratt wins me over for the first time with this response: \"How did it happen? Were you drunk?\" Boom! But he's not done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Am I to blame if I have a very \u003cem>passionate\u003c/em> nature?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Any more of that talk and I won't be able to sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Go in, Spratt, go in!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Cora and Robert's room, they both take turns complaining about how annoying this Health Minister dinner is going to be. Then Robert complains about his side pain again, but refuses to skip the meal. Is he going to croak at the dinner table? Is that the only thing that will shut up this dumb hospital debate once and for all? If so, so be it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas hears a crash and investigates. Andy threw a book because he's dyslexic. So his big secret isn't that he's gay, but that he can't read??? Seriously?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20129\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" alt=\"teresa-table-flip\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas promises to help him learn how to read and Andy apologizes for being super homophobic these past few months. Then, Thomas wins an award for Most Melancholic Smile Ever to Grace Lips. And I win an award for Best Continuation of a Recap Despite Wanting to Never Watch \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> Again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker has decided to (shocker!) blackmail Spratt into convincing the Dowager to unfire her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Bates and Anna gossip about Mary's love life. Then, Bates says he wishes everyone was as happy as he is. So he means he wishes everyone would skulk in the shadows, grumble sinister things and continuously get away with murder?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt got Denker her job back so we can put this whole blackmailing/bullying thing to bed, right? Not so much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Oh, and Miss Denker, I don't want to hear another mention of my unfortunate nephew.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Oh, well, that rather depends.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> On what?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> On whether or not I need to mention him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This show is exhausting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the rich people hangout room, the Dowager arrives just in time to witness Robert have more side pain. The contractions are getting closer and closer together! Sybil's ghost's revenge for messing up her delivery and killing her in the process?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager has Carson change the seat assignments for dinner. Robert warns that she's switched to \"a very junior seat.\" The Dowager's reply is in French -- \"Il faut reculer pour mieux sauter\" -- but fear not; I have a French minor (*cough*and access to Google Translate*cough*) and can tell you that it means: \"You must step back to jump further.\" Let the games begin!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Health Minister arrives and everyone is trying to grab him. He totally dyes his mustache.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy criticizes the Minister's lack of support for unions and Carson congratulates him for it. Can someone explain to me why the Downton fandom likes Carson so much? His opinions are terrible and he's not funny or charming or fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the old people fight over the hospital and the Health Minister is turned way off. Robert puts an end to the fighting by grabbing his side, standing up AND SPEWING BLOOD ALL OVER THE TABLE AND EVERYONE AND COLLAPSING AND VOMITING ON THE CARPET.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, I thought he was going to die, but damn! Color me shocked. Also color me red 'cause I think some of his spewed blood went through the screen into my gaping face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once I write \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> off as a predictable bore, something like this happens! It reminds me of when \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em> featured a lawn mower amputation:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20131\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" alt=\"mad men lawnmower gif\" width=\"437\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compare and contrast:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20146\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20146\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I feel kind of bad because I think all the mean things I've written about Robert (albeit valid complaints) may have contributed to him getting an ulcer and that ulcer blowing up all over Cora. Did I do thaaat? (in Urkel voice).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Robert is not doing well. He keeps puking up blood. He chokes out a proclamation of love for Cora while everyone screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants are freaking out too. Carson tells the maids to get coats for Cora and Mary. \"Don't forget Lady Edith.\" Even in times of crisis, the writers can't help but crap all over poor Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20132\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" alt=\"jan ignore brady gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"228\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Health Minister tells Cora: \u003cem>Ummm, I think I'm gonna go... \u003c/em>Then Cora and the Dowager argue over the hospital some more because this seems like a good time for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager brings up the secret of Marigold and Mary overhears and realizes \u003cem>Wait a second...Edith's 9 month vacation and the random mute baby that hangs out with my son all day just might have something to do with each other! \u003c/em>By George, I think she's got it! (Took her long enough).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The medics arrive and cart dazed, confused and blood-soaked Robert off. Everyone follows...except for Branson who is straight up chilling and doesn't seem to be bothered one bit as he leisurely gossips with the Health Minister. Looks like I'm not the only one who holds a grudge against Robert for killing Sybil.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, the servants are all hanging out downstairs waiting for news. Andy is not reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gets a phone call and delivers the news: Robert had surgery and is going to be fine. Yay, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary and Edith get back from the hospital. They're finally alone and no one is around to stop them from finally having a duel once and for all, but enough blood has been shed this evening. Plus, Mary's too weirded out by Edith being someone's mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After Edith goes to bed, Branson rolls up wearing a casual robe because he's been kicking back with zero worries since Robert spewed his insides all over the mansion. Mary tells him that they should take over all control from her dad so he doesn't worry and get another ulcer. Branson rightfully proclaims this The Age of Queen Mary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20137\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20137\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" alt=\"beyonce bow down gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson: \u003c/strong>Make your own F-ing dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary: \u003c/strong>She was very chill about hanging out at a dirty pub. Also, she wore a tie for much of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>So sorry Andy's dyslexic instead of gay. Classy move teaching him how to read anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> She handled having blood puked into her face pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Robert's Exploding Ulcer:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>It did the impossible: revived this lackluster final season and almost killed one of my least faves. Good work, blood-filled combustible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You",
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"content": "\u003cp>It's been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\" target=\"_blank\">the Carsons got Miss Colombia'd\u003c/a> at their own wedding reception by the return of prodigal son Branson and his cute offspring. Is that incident the new thing Mrs. Hughes will spend all her time complaining about? Did she and Mr. Carson finally get it on? Will baby Sybbie and her cousins get a spin-off show? Will Thomas finally get to make out with someone? All (or none) of these questions will be answered on tonight's episode! Let's do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with Branson gazing upon Downton's ridiculously expansive grounds. He's basically the Powerball winner of 1925. What dumb luck!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back indoors, Branson tells the family about how much America sucks. He also is concerned he stole the Carsons' thunder. Uh, ya think?! Robert, always the voice of un-reason, is like \u003cem>Oh, whatever, you made the wedding less boring. I'm sure they loved it.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because it's been approximately 22 seconds since Mary and Edith got into a fight, Edith brings up the fact that Mary will probably have to give up being a feminist ball-busting Agent, now that Branson is back. Branson is like, \u003cem>I'm still jet lagged, can we not? \u003c/em>Mary makes a mental note to sharpen her switchblade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang talks about how lame the Carsons' honeymoon destination is (because poor people hang out there) before changing the topic to Aunt Rosamund, who's coming to town to meddle in the hospital drama. Get ready for some geriatric fireworks!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An aside: Cora never eats breakfast with her family. Should we be concerned? Eating disorder? Is she the one who takes care of the kids off screen? Is she keeping watch over her coats to make sure no servants touch them with their grimy little fingers? Or does she just hate everyone too much to sit next to them at this point?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant is looking for Ms. Baxter. Seriously, why is everyone in this house not better at covering up their crimes? Anna and Bates are excited it's not them for once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas is annoyed at Mrs. Patmore for receiving the visitor 'cause that's kind of his gig. Mr. Carson is still off naked somewhere with Mrs. Hughes so Patmore steps in as Thomas' resident bully. \u003cem>You're totally going to get fired, nanny nanny boo boo! \u003c/em>Thomas needs an \"It Gets Better\" campaign so badly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is drinking tea in bed (so maybe she \u003cem>is\u003c/em> anorexic, but probably just lazy). She's complaining to Baxter about how the Dowager Countess is bringing some friend as backup for their upcoming brawl at dinner. Hey, life could be worse, Cora; Baxter could ask to borrow something. We know how you feel about that. But anyway, still all this hot and bother over this dumb hospital stuff?? Just merge! Or don't! Who cares!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson tells Mary he's a capitalist now and wants his life to be more than just Downton. Um, okay, then why did you move back? Mary is supportive with a single caveat: no more Miss Buntings (the \u003ca href=\"http://45.media.tumblr.com/26db7deea9169596d334eaaf78672b02/tumblr_nhpo74A0Zk1rjtbk7o4_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">annoying, self-righteous teacher\u003c/a> from last season, if you don't remember). Here, here!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant spills the latest criminal intrigue: he wants Baxter to testify against a purported \"handsome devil\" who makes women steal for him and then take the fall, while he walks free. He's the reason Baxter was in jail that one time. Baxter is super spooked and doesn't want to get involved. Molesley throws out a platitude: \"All that's needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.\" Baxter shoots him a withering \u003cem>You're so bloody simple!\u003c/em> look and storms out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is annoyed because the Dowager's plus one wants to bring a plus one. It's a man so I bet you it's a new love interest for Mary because this show is not progressive enough to leave her as a badass single woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she and Anna talk about some new maids who aren't as cool as past maids. Then, talk turns to how Anna is thickening up with pregnancy. Bates assumes she's just fat because she likes pie. Then, Bates bursts in and completely ruins the vibe, which is what he does best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager and her friend talk about the hospital and I stare off into space while humming to myself until the scene is over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is in charge and everyone has to do that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-against-the-floor thing in deference. Thomas off-handedly mentions something about properties on the estate and Daisy starts droning on about how excited she is that her father-in-law is getting the Drews' farm. When someone finally breaks it to her that she's been hallucinating this whole time, she gets very angry and clutches a water pitcher really hard. And because no scene with Thomas is complete without cute Andy spurning his advances, that happens too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a road surrounded by sheep, Edith is driving (yes! driving!) her aunt Rosamund. The car has a huge steering wheel. Rosamund tells Edith about this funky college for clever, but poor girls. She's a trustee and thinks Edith should be one too because there's a hot dude who works there and he's around Edith's age. First the newspaper helper and now this guy? When it rains, it pours! Get it, Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Molesley stops Cora on the stairs to talk about Baxter. Has he not gotten the memo? Cora is NOT IN THE MOOD to hear servant sob stories this season or let anyone borrow or touch her things, geez!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy tries to murder potatoes with a spoon and then rants about how let down she is that Cora lied to her. Mrs. Patmore brings things back to reality and emphasizes that Daisy fabricated this whole thing and is maybe addicted to psychedelic shrooms or something? Daisy continues to murder the innocent potatoes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the visitors arrive and are announced. Mary is shocked to find that the Dowager's plus one's plus one is that sexy guy she went hunting with during last season's finale. Didn't I tell you?? They're totally going to get married because anything else wouldn't be predictable enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branson talks to Mary's future husband about cars and doesn't realize that this is an A and B conversation and he should C his way out of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the fireplace, the Dowager grills her friend about her nephew's prospects. 40 men would have to die before he becomes an Earl. Ouch. Too bad the Titanic is already underwater; could've treated all 40 of them to a cruise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert calls his mom and her friend out for being snobs. Glass houses, dude, glass houses. Then the Dowager puts her son in his place and wins my heart for the 7000th time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> No one has sharper eyes than a loving son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You read that somewhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Why do you never think I can make anything up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because you suck at business, aren't very bright and helped kill Sybil. That's why!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Anna is having a contraction or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, the old people fight over the usual, while Mary becomes the first person to ever flirt using the words \"guinea pigs.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, it's Mary's future husband's turn to flirt. \"Telephone me. We'll have lunch or a drink.........or something.\" Mmmhmmmmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few yards away, Cora and some others discuss how embarrassing all the fuss over the hospital is. This is true, but what's even more embarrassing is that the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are wasting the show's final episodes on such a dull storyline.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After everyone leaves, Robert clutches his side. This happened in the last episode, but I didn't mention it because I don't care about Robert. But yeah, I guess he's going to die. We all know dogs go to heaven, so Isis is accounted for. Will Robert be reunited with her or travel somewhere a bit warmer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Baxter and Thomas are both having existential crises like they're sophomore English majors high for the first time. Thomas wishes he was popular and straight like Baxter. Baxter wishes she was like Thomas (minus the gay part).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You don't care what people say, while I tremble at the mere idea of public ridicule.\" Scratch \"blogger\" from the list of pursuits Baxter might entertain after Robert dies and the family sells Downton. Thomas explains that he actually does care what people say and walks off like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20005\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" alt=\"george michael walk gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the Sergeant is back to convince Baxter to testify. She's like, \u003cem>Pass!\u003c/em> Then he guilt trips her by bringing up other victims who are now prostitutes or dead. Baxter changes her tune to \u003cem>Ugh, fiiiine.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The treasurer of the funky girls school arrives at Downton with his wife (sorry, Edith), who happens to be Gwen, a maid from season 1! She greets her former bestie Anna, but snubs Thomas (bad move).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that she has money, she's trying to downplay her time as a maid by not mentioning it at all. The rich people assemble to grill Gwen about who she is and why she came up with the school idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Gwen:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You see, I never had any higher education and so...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Who did? All we were taught was French, prejudice and dance steps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I never thought I'd say this, but Mary is quickly becoming my favorite (again, sorry, Edith).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy predicts that no one will recognize Gwen because \"they don't look us in the face.\" Mrs. Patmore rewards her right answer by calling her Karl Marx and ordering her to get back to work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Branson bonds with Gwen over marrying up and out of facelessness. Thomas looks on, full of dejected rage (which would totally be the name of his first fragrance, if he was a pop star).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After sitting down to dinner, Gwen preaches about educating women. Everyone laughs about how they wish Carson was present to say sexist things. Thomas sees his chance: \"You recall Mr Carson, madam, surely?\" Gwen's cover is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gwen explains how Sybil helped her get a secretary job. Everyone mournfully thinks about how good the show was before Robert killed Sybil with his bad decision making skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Gwen goes downstairs to hang with her former coworkers. Daisy jumps out of nowhere in front of Branson and plays her favorite broken record: MY FATHER-IN-LAW! IT'S NOT FAIR! MY DEAD HUSBAND WHO I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! RICH PEOPLE SUCK! Branson is like\u003cem> Um, woah. I'll see what I can do. Now please stop talking.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Robert corners Thomas and makes him feel bad about being evil sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary talks to Anna about how remembering Sybil makes her reevaluate being a mean snob all the time. All the talk of Sybil brings back the ghost of pregnancy problems past and Anna has a crazy cramp. They decide to hightail it to the London doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates asks 1001 questions, including \"So you're not hiding anything?\" Before he can question her about being in love with someone else, like he did last episode, Mary and Anna get in the car and drive off. Bates watches them go and thinks solemnly, \u003cem>Damn it, I have to kill again.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Bates continues being weird:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Andy:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>What's Lady Mary's emergency?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Baxter:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> It's none of our business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Very true, Miss Baxter. For once I agree with you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, why the 'tude with teary-eyed puppy Baxter? What has she ever done?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Bates continues attacking people by asking \u003cem>Ugh, Daisy, what exactly is your problem?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy explains that she's \"had enough\" and will confront Cora for \"cheating\" her father-in-law out of the farm. She slams spoons next to place settings really hard so everyone knows she means business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora convinces everyone to give the farm to Daisy's father-in-law because it's what Sybil would do (also, this is the only way to get Daisy to stop stalking her).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone tells Daisy what she's about to do is social suicide. Daisy doesn't give a you-know-what, yanks off her apron and storms upstairs to execute Cora or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora runs into Daisy and is like \u003cem>Really, girl?\u003c/em> Daisy plays her broken record yet again. I'M UPSET! Yeah, we know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert interrupts and tells Daisy to make sure to tell her father-in-law the good news. Daisy makes this face and then runs downstairs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" alt=\"miss jay shocked gif antm\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert comments on how weird Daisy is and then grabs his side again. One step closer to the grave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the doctor announces that he prevented Anna's miscarriage. Mary celebrates by making plans to go on a date with her future husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Robert tells Thomas how excited he is that Carson is coming back to fire him. Maybe the pain in Robert's side is a side effect of whatever poison Thomas is slipping into his tea? When Robert keels over, Thomas will do a tap routine over his corpse, while singing \"He Had It Coming.\" Now\u003cem> that\u003c/em> would be a proper end to this series!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary tells her future husband that she works, despite her ovaries. He doesn't set himself on fire and run around the room engulfed in flames so that's a plus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm that used to belong to Marigold's kidnapper, Daisy's father-in-law tells her how excited he is to know where he will \"lay his bones.\" Yay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates grills Anna, who has just returned. She finally tells him, \u003cem>Hey, stop brainstorming ways to kill me. I'm not cheating, just pregnant, silly! \u003c/em>Bates is moderately pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons return and everyone applauds them for being brave enough to have sex with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the rich people plan to take a field trip to the servants' hall to welcome the newlyweds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I haven't been into the kitchens for at least 20 years!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Have you got your passport?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isn't it fun when they're not talking about that boring hospital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Dowager is like \u003cem>Ew.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith announces that she plans to hire a female co-editor for the magazine. Mary says something along the lines of \u003cem>Right on, sister!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Rosamund: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>That was nice of you, to praise Edith's plan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>A monkey will type out the Bible if you leave it long enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, it's official now. Mary is my favorite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone complains about how annoying it is that they have to call Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Major foreshadowing moment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Mama's slipped away. She was tired, so I told her to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Quite right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I'm afraid she won't give up about the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I shan't think that at her funeral.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Who says she won't be at yours?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>#sidepain!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Carson announces that no one has to calls Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson. Everyone reacts like they just got out of jury duty for the rest of their lives. Nothing makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is standing around having a very bridled version of fun. Except for Thomas, of course, who looks like this all by himself in a corner:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"adele fake smile gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson heads to his old room to say goodbye to his single bed. We know how much Carson hates change (almost as much as he hates women's civil rights).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates: \u003c/strong>What are you good for? Absolutely nothing (but you're pretty good at bullying your wife).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Gwen:\u003c/strong> Good for you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>Kudos to him for his remarkable restraint that holds him back from killing those who are rude and merciless to him (everyone, but Mary).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Sybil: \u003c/strong>Sure, she's dead, but her memory was strong enough to get Daisy's annoying father-in-law a farm, convince Mary to be nicer and set Gwen up with a pretty cush life. Way to go, Sybil's ghost!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mary: \u003c/strong>She saved Anna's baby, became the first person in history to turn the term \"guinea pigs\" into something sexy, lined up a pretty cute new husband, and was nice to Edith for no reason. And that Bible-typing monkey comment? Come on. The clear winner this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "This week, Mary becomes the first person ever to flirt using the phrase \"guinea pigs.\"",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It's been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\" target=\"_blank\">the Carsons got Miss Colombia'd\u003c/a> at their own wedding reception by the return of prodigal son Branson and his cute offspring. Is that incident the new thing Mrs. Hughes will spend all her time complaining about? Did she and Mr. Carson finally get it on? Will baby Sybbie and her cousins get a spin-off show? Will Thomas finally get to make out with someone? All (or none) of these questions will be answered on tonight's episode! Let's do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with Branson gazing upon Downton's ridiculously expansive grounds. He's basically the Powerball winner of 1925. What dumb luck!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back indoors, Branson tells the family about how much America sucks. He also is concerned he stole the Carsons' thunder. Uh, ya think?! Robert, always the voice of un-reason, is like \u003cem>Oh, whatever, you made the wedding less boring. I'm sure they loved it.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because it's been approximately 22 seconds since Mary and Edith got into a fight, Edith brings up the fact that Mary will probably have to give up being a feminist ball-busting Agent, now that Branson is back. Branson is like, \u003cem>I'm still jet lagged, can we not? \u003c/em>Mary makes a mental note to sharpen her switchblade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang talks about how lame the Carsons' honeymoon destination is (because poor people hang out there) before changing the topic to Aunt Rosamund, who's coming to town to meddle in the hospital drama. Get ready for some geriatric fireworks!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An aside: Cora never eats breakfast with her family. Should we be concerned? Eating disorder? Is she the one who takes care of the kids off screen? Is she keeping watch over her coats to make sure no servants touch them with their grimy little fingers? Or does she just hate everyone too much to sit next to them at this point?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant is looking for Ms. Baxter. Seriously, why is everyone in this house not better at covering up their crimes? Anna and Bates are excited it's not them for once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas is annoyed at Mrs. Patmore for receiving the visitor 'cause that's kind of his gig. Mr. Carson is still off naked somewhere with Mrs. Hughes so Patmore steps in as Thomas' resident bully. \u003cem>You're totally going to get fired, nanny nanny boo boo! \u003c/em>Thomas needs an \"It Gets Better\" campaign so badly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is drinking tea in bed (so maybe she \u003cem>is\u003c/em> anorexic, but probably just lazy). She's complaining to Baxter about how the Dowager Countess is bringing some friend as backup for their upcoming brawl at dinner. Hey, life could be worse, Cora; Baxter could ask to borrow something. We know how you feel about that. But anyway, still all this hot and bother over this dumb hospital stuff?? Just merge! Or don't! Who cares!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson tells Mary he's a capitalist now and wants his life to be more than just Downton. Um, okay, then why did you move back? Mary is supportive with a single caveat: no more Miss Buntings (the \u003ca href=\"http://45.media.tumblr.com/26db7deea9169596d334eaaf78672b02/tumblr_nhpo74A0Zk1rjtbk7o4_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">annoying, self-righteous teacher\u003c/a> from last season, if you don't remember). Here, here!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant spills the latest criminal intrigue: he wants Baxter to testify against a purported \"handsome devil\" who makes women steal for him and then take the fall, while he walks free. He's the reason Baxter was in jail that one time. Baxter is super spooked and doesn't want to get involved. Molesley throws out a platitude: \"All that's needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.\" Baxter shoots him a withering \u003cem>You're so bloody simple!\u003c/em> look and storms out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is annoyed because the Dowager's plus one wants to bring a plus one. It's a man so I bet you it's a new love interest for Mary because this show is not progressive enough to leave her as a badass single woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she and Anna talk about some new maids who aren't as cool as past maids. Then, talk turns to how Anna is thickening up with pregnancy. Bates assumes she's just fat because she likes pie. Then, Bates bursts in and completely ruins the vibe, which is what he does best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager and her friend talk about the hospital and I stare off into space while humming to myself until the scene is over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is in charge and everyone has to do that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-against-the-floor thing in deference. Thomas off-handedly mentions something about properties on the estate and Daisy starts droning on about how excited she is that her father-in-law is getting the Drews' farm. When someone finally breaks it to her that she's been hallucinating this whole time, she gets very angry and clutches a water pitcher really hard. And because no scene with Thomas is complete without cute Andy spurning his advances, that happens too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a road surrounded by sheep, Edith is driving (yes! driving!) her aunt Rosamund. The car has a huge steering wheel. Rosamund tells Edith about this funky college for clever, but poor girls. She's a trustee and thinks Edith should be one too because there's a hot dude who works there and he's around Edith's age. First the newspaper helper and now this guy? When it rains, it pours! Get it, Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Molesley stops Cora on the stairs to talk about Baxter. Has he not gotten the memo? Cora is NOT IN THE MOOD to hear servant sob stories this season or let anyone borrow or touch her things, geez!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy tries to murder potatoes with a spoon and then rants about how let down she is that Cora lied to her. Mrs. Patmore brings things back to reality and emphasizes that Daisy fabricated this whole thing and is maybe addicted to psychedelic shrooms or something? Daisy continues to murder the innocent potatoes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the visitors arrive and are announced. Mary is shocked to find that the Dowager's plus one's plus one is that sexy guy she went hunting with during last season's finale. Didn't I tell you?? They're totally going to get married because anything else wouldn't be predictable enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branson talks to Mary's future husband about cars and doesn't realize that this is an A and B conversation and he should C his way out of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the fireplace, the Dowager grills her friend about her nephew's prospects. 40 men would have to die before he becomes an Earl. Ouch. Too bad the Titanic is already underwater; could've treated all 40 of them to a cruise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert calls his mom and her friend out for being snobs. Glass houses, dude, glass houses. Then the Dowager puts her son in his place and wins my heart for the 7000th time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> No one has sharper eyes than a loving son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You read that somewhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Why do you never think I can make anything up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because you suck at business, aren't very bright and helped kill Sybil. That's why!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Anna is having a contraction or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, the old people fight over the usual, while Mary becomes the first person to ever flirt using the words \"guinea pigs.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, it's Mary's future husband's turn to flirt. \"Telephone me. We'll have lunch or a drink.........or something.\" Mmmhmmmmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few yards away, Cora and some others discuss how embarrassing all the fuss over the hospital is. This is true, but what's even more embarrassing is that the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are wasting the show's final episodes on such a dull storyline.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After everyone leaves, Robert clutches his side. This happened in the last episode, but I didn't mention it because I don't care about Robert. But yeah, I guess he's going to die. We all know dogs go to heaven, so Isis is accounted for. Will Robert be reunited with her or travel somewhere a bit warmer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Baxter and Thomas are both having existential crises like they're sophomore English majors high for the first time. Thomas wishes he was popular and straight like Baxter. Baxter wishes she was like Thomas (minus the gay part).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You don't care what people say, while I tremble at the mere idea of public ridicule.\" Scratch \"blogger\" from the list of pursuits Baxter might entertain after Robert dies and the family sells Downton. Thomas explains that he actually does care what people say and walks off like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20005\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" alt=\"george michael walk gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the Sergeant is back to convince Baxter to testify. She's like, \u003cem>Pass!\u003c/em> Then he guilt trips her by bringing up other victims who are now prostitutes or dead. Baxter changes her tune to \u003cem>Ugh, fiiiine.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The treasurer of the funky girls school arrives at Downton with his wife (sorry, Edith), who happens to be Gwen, a maid from season 1! She greets her former bestie Anna, but snubs Thomas (bad move).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that she has money, she's trying to downplay her time as a maid by not mentioning it at all. The rich people assemble to grill Gwen about who she is and why she came up with the school idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Gwen:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You see, I never had any higher education and so...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Who did? All we were taught was French, prejudice and dance steps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I never thought I'd say this, but Mary is quickly becoming my favorite (again, sorry, Edith).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy predicts that no one will recognize Gwen because \"they don't look us in the face.\" Mrs. Patmore rewards her right answer by calling her Karl Marx and ordering her to get back to work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Branson bonds with Gwen over marrying up and out of facelessness. Thomas looks on, full of dejected rage (which would totally be the name of his first fragrance, if he was a pop star).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After sitting down to dinner, Gwen preaches about educating women. Everyone laughs about how they wish Carson was present to say sexist things. Thomas sees his chance: \"You recall Mr Carson, madam, surely?\" Gwen's cover is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gwen explains how Sybil helped her get a secretary job. Everyone mournfully thinks about how good the show was before Robert killed Sybil with his bad decision making skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Gwen goes downstairs to hang with her former coworkers. Daisy jumps out of nowhere in front of Branson and plays her favorite broken record: MY FATHER-IN-LAW! IT'S NOT FAIR! MY DEAD HUSBAND WHO I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! RICH PEOPLE SUCK! Branson is like\u003cem> Um, woah. I'll see what I can do. Now please stop talking.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Robert corners Thomas and makes him feel bad about being evil sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary talks to Anna about how remembering Sybil makes her reevaluate being a mean snob all the time. All the talk of Sybil brings back the ghost of pregnancy problems past and Anna has a crazy cramp. They decide to hightail it to the London doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates asks 1001 questions, including \"So you're not hiding anything?\" Before he can question her about being in love with someone else, like he did last episode, Mary and Anna get in the car and drive off. Bates watches them go and thinks solemnly, \u003cem>Damn it, I have to kill again.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Bates continues being weird:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Andy:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>What's Lady Mary's emergency?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Baxter:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> It's none of our business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Very true, Miss Baxter. For once I agree with you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, why the 'tude with teary-eyed puppy Baxter? What has she ever done?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Bates continues attacking people by asking \u003cem>Ugh, Daisy, what exactly is your problem?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy explains that she's \"had enough\" and will confront Cora for \"cheating\" her father-in-law out of the farm. She slams spoons next to place settings really hard so everyone knows she means business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora convinces everyone to give the farm to Daisy's father-in-law because it's what Sybil would do (also, this is the only way to get Daisy to stop stalking her).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone tells Daisy what she's about to do is social suicide. Daisy doesn't give a you-know-what, yanks off her apron and storms upstairs to execute Cora or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora runs into Daisy and is like \u003cem>Really, girl?\u003c/em> Daisy plays her broken record yet again. I'M UPSET! Yeah, we know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert interrupts and tells Daisy to make sure to tell her father-in-law the good news. Daisy makes this face and then runs downstairs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" alt=\"miss jay shocked gif antm\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert comments on how weird Daisy is and then grabs his side again. One step closer to the grave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the doctor announces that he prevented Anna's miscarriage. Mary celebrates by making plans to go on a date with her future husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Robert tells Thomas how excited he is that Carson is coming back to fire him. Maybe the pain in Robert's side is a side effect of whatever poison Thomas is slipping into his tea? When Robert keels over, Thomas will do a tap routine over his corpse, while singing \"He Had It Coming.\" Now\u003cem> that\u003c/em> would be a proper end to this series!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary tells her future husband that she works, despite her ovaries. He doesn't set himself on fire and run around the room engulfed in flames so that's a plus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm that used to belong to Marigold's kidnapper, Daisy's father-in-law tells her how excited he is to know where he will \"lay his bones.\" Yay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates grills Anna, who has just returned. She finally tells him, \u003cem>Hey, stop brainstorming ways to kill me. I'm not cheating, just pregnant, silly! \u003c/em>Bates is moderately pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons return and everyone applauds them for being brave enough to have sex with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the rich people plan to take a field trip to the servants' hall to welcome the newlyweds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I haven't been into the kitchens for at least 20 years!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Have you got your passport?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isn't it fun when they're not talking about that boring hospital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Dowager is like \u003cem>Ew.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith announces that she plans to hire a female co-editor for the magazine. Mary says something along the lines of \u003cem>Right on, sister!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Rosamund: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>That was nice of you, to praise Edith's plan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>A monkey will type out the Bible if you leave it long enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, it's official now. Mary is my favorite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone complains about how annoying it is that they have to call Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Major foreshadowing moment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Mama's slipped away. She was tired, so I told her to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Quite right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I'm afraid she won't give up about the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I shan't think that at her funeral.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Who says she won't be at yours?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>#sidepain!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Carson announces that no one has to calls Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson. Everyone reacts like they just got out of jury duty for the rest of their lives. Nothing makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is standing around having a very bridled version of fun. Except for Thomas, of course, who looks like this all by himself in a corner:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"adele fake smile gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson heads to his old room to say goodbye to his single bed. We know how much Carson hates change (almost as much as he hates women's civil rights).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates: \u003c/strong>What are you good for? Absolutely nothing (but you're pretty good at bullying your wife).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Gwen:\u003c/strong> Good for you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>Kudos to him for his remarkable restraint that holds him back from killing those who are rude and merciless to him (everyone, but Mary).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Sybil: \u003c/strong>Sure, she's dead, but her memory was strong enough to get Daisy's annoying father-in-law a farm, convince Mary to be nicer and set Gwen up with a pretty cush life. Way to go, Sybil's ghost!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mary: \u003c/strong>She saved Anna's baby, became the first person in history to turn the term \"guinea pigs\" into something sexy, lined up a pretty cute new husband, and was nice to Edith for no reason. And that Bible-typing monkey comment? Come on. The clear winner this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love",
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"content": "\u003cp>It's that time again! Only two episodes deep and we've already experienced an abduction, a miscarriage, an exoneration and a formal let's-get-butt-naked-in-front-of-each-other-and-have-sex-instead-of-living-as-creepy-siblings agreement. What will happen next?? (Hopefully some clock winding for Thomas!) \u003cstrong>Note:\u003c/strong> if you don't get my clock winding reference, you're a bad person who didn't read \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">my recap from last week\u003c/a>. Make it right! For the rest of you, onward!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with a bustling kitchen. Mrs. Patmore orders Daisy to put something in the oven. The camera moves away before Daisy can stand on a soap box and shout: \"DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore follows Mrs. Hughes upstairs, who is \u003cstrong>still\u003c/strong> complaining about her wedding. Thomas won't be able to get married for another 90 years, but you don't hear him complaining, do you? Instead, he spends his days seducing cute straight boys and plotting to kill rude straight boys. Mrs. Hughes should take a page out of his book and get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Mrs. Hughes really hates hors d'oeuvres and how rich people \"stand about with nibbly bits stuck in their teeth.\" She wants her wedding to be less stuffy and more turnt, but Carson won't let her. \u003cem>Wahhhh, I have to have my wedding in a palatial English mansion for free! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tries to convince Mrs. Hughes to order a wedding dress from a catalogue and explains how easy it would be. Hughes responds: \"I know what a catalogue is, thank you!\" Okay, time out. Dear ungrateful Mrs. Hughes, you wouldn't even be getting married in the first place, if your BFF Patmore hadn't brokered that sex accord on your behalf. Put a little gratitude in your attitude, okay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes shows Mrs. Patmore the brown dress she plans to wear on her wedding day. Mrs. Patmore's response is the 1925 version of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Dowager Countess checks to see if a side table is dusty. The scene could honestly end there and I would be happy. Instead, her ineffectual son strolls in and they talk about the hospital drama. She insists he stop talking to anyone who isn't her (not a terrible life goal).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> You can't expect me to avoid talking to my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Dowager Countess:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Why not? I know several couples who are perfectly happy, haven't spoken in years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hear that, unhappily married folk? Scrap those marriage counseling appointments and keep living it up in your separate bedrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith comes in and her relatives notice for once. She's heading to London to get yelled at by her sexist editor some more. Granny is concerned about the propriety of a young woman staying in a city flat alone. Edith is like \u003cem>Don't worry. I'm middle-aged and repulsive. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer\" width=\"289\" height=\"308\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary comes in and mentions her traitorous mother, Cora. The Countess is like \u003cem>Ew, I'm out of here.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Why not stay and say hello?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Dowager Countess:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Oh, I have a feeling Cora and I will be saying \"Hello\" rather less than \"En garde!\" in the next few weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Countess then pretends her walking stick is a sword. I repeat, the Countess pretends her walking stick is a sword!!! Cora and Isobel better watch their backs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at chez Countess, Spratt is minding his own business, playing with his stamp collection. Miss Denker shows up to tell him his pastime is stupid. Such a mean drunk!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone rings at the door and Spratt answers. He seems freaked and won't tell Miss Denker who it was. Here's hoping it was the horny Russian dude from last season so the Countess' storyline can be about more than just some dumb hospital no one cares about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's room, she and Anna wonder why Edith doesn't just fire the sexist. Good question! \"Unless she enjoys racing up to London in a swirling cloud of crisis and drama.\" Ding, ding, ding! Sorry, Edith, I root for you always, but sometimes Mary is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary reads a letter from Branson aloud. He's depressed and homesick 'cause wouldn't you be if you moved to Boston?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna then shares some news: she might be pregnant again! Mary exclaims that Bates has really powerful sperm. Then, as if asked to sum up her entire existence in just six words, Anna utters the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How exciting!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I don't want to be excited.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yep, that about sums her up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, cute Andy asks Thomas if he's looking for a new job in the paper. Thomas flirts back, \"I might be. Would you be sorry?\" And then they play spin the bottle and kiss for a really long time because rules are rules. Sigh. You know they don't, but I have a dream! Make it so, Julian Fellowes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, cousin Isobel is gloating about her rivalry with the Countess because it's the only thing that makes her relevant. Her face has an upcoming date with a certain walking stick/pretend sword.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora asks Carson to bring Mrs. Hughes upstairs for a chat. Everyone is shocked. \u003cem>But she's poor and we're eating!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Daisy is talking about Cora maybe helping her evicted father-in-law because Downton writers can't help but beat their storylines like decomposing horses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mrs. Hughes awkwardly is like \u003cem>Uhh, what do you want? \u003c/em>Cora apologizes for putting her on the spot and then does just that. Mrs. Hughes is forced to explain why she doesn't want an hors d'oeuvres kind of reception in front of rich people who love hors d'oeuvres. It's awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hughes' list of demands:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>a proper breakfast\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tables and chairs\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>a guest list that includes poor people\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>the schoolhouse as the venue\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tunes\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>for things to turn into a \"hooley\" (I had to look this up; it's Irish slang for a rager)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Mary's rebuttal:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" alt=\"veruca salt gif tantrum\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is decided Hughes will have her hooley, after all. Carson and Mrs. Hughes leave the room and Mary turns on her mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Why did we have to listen to that?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora: \u003c/em>\u003c/strong>I want you to stop bullying them and let them do it their way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You think I'm a bully? I think you're a snob!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How do you make that out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[Carson walks back in just in time to hear:]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>She didn't want the bother of a servants' wedding in the hall!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hides their faces in tiny tea cups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, the Countess wants some hot chocolate before being tucked in. Instead of going off to make it, Denker attempts to gossip about Spratt's personal life. The Countess is like \u003cem>I don't know and I don't care! Now go make me a warm delicious beverage and don't you dare spit in it! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Robert celebrate Thomas maybe getting another job. Okay, I know Thomas is sneaky and always up to something, but he's been pretty chill in recent years. \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnrhzrBtw61qc9z2jo1_400.gif\" target=\"_blank\">Leave him alone!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith runs into an acquaintance and says various glass-half-empty type things. \u003cem>Ugh, I have a magazine. Ugh, I miss my daught...uhhh, I mean, the random child who stays with my family for no reason.\u003c/em> He is charmed for some reason and asks her out. Her super sexy reply: \"Well, it will have to be near the office.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in Yorkshire, Thomas is at his job interview. The place is \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> without the cats, raccoons and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_0IhqWd6fE\" target=\"_blank\">patriotic dancing\u003c/a>. The only furniture is a table with a dead bear on it, two couches piled high with old newspapers and a fireplace grate draped with underwear. Employer dude is not all there because his wife died and his two sons never came back from the war, but he's kind of a poet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Do you know what I shall always remember? The women going up to bed at the end of the evening. Their faces lit by the flame from the candle. Yes, diamonds twinkling as they climbed up into the darkness.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19941\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19941\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying gif\" width=\"350\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the moving recitation, T.S. Eliot starts randomly freaking out about Thomas maybe being a Republican. If we lived in an alternate universe where I had paid attention in my high school History class, this is where I would place this scene into context by dropping some early 20th century political knowledge. Instead, all you're going to get is this: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ .\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Edith's newspaper, Sexist Editor is going off again. Emboldened by her happy hour date, Edith fires him in a polite, British way. A random feminist secretary watches it all go down from the hallway and reacts like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"yass queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now they have to put together the magazine themselves in just nine hours! But -- oh no! -- Edith forgot all about her date! She runs to the bar and explains the situation. He's down to help. I wouldn't be surprised if they're married by the end of the episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs back at Downton, Molesley helps Daisy study and then spills about the Drews being run out of town because of that unsavory kidnapping business. Daisy is stoked. Her father-in-law can take their house! Let's hope that happens so we can put this dull storyline to bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Countess' pad, the police chief stops by. Apparently, Spratt's nephew broke out of jail and is now on the run. So I guess we're not going to get a sequel to the Dowager/Russian dude fling, like I hoped. Denker lies to the cop so that she can blackmail Spratt until the end of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith learns how to collage and they meet their deadline. The magazine is saved! Baby's first 9 hour work day! Edith and her date take turns complimenting each other and then discuss how sad a future without servants will be.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore shows Anna and Daisy a catalogue dress she secretly ordered for Mrs. Hughes. It's their turn to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Early the next morning, Baxter helps Cora get ready for the day, while Robert snores a few feet away (you know, 'cause it isn't awkward enough dressing a grown woman).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Cora runs into Daisy, who immediately goes into her \u003cem>Thank you m'lady for helping my father-in-law even though you haven't actually said you would \u003c/em>routine. Mrs. Hughes eventually breaks it up and Cora holds herself back from screaming, \u003cem>Keep the riffraff away from me, goddamnit!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna tells her about the ugly effing catalogue dress. Mary offers to let Mrs. Hughes borrow an evening coat of her mother's (revenge for Cora calling Mary a bully earlier?). This should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes complains about her lame dress some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Doctor Clarkson's office, all the old people argue about the hospital merger again because we haven't already had 52 scenes of them doing that. Cousin Isobel, not content to just gloat for all eternity, insults Clarkson by suggesting that he's just sour because he won't be important once other doctors show up. The Countess does the verbal equivalent of striking Isobel in the face with her walking stick: \"Did you drink at luncheon?\" Pow!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, cute Andy still isn't gay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith's editorial victory is celebrated by Robert and tolerated by Mary. Cora comes in to complain about her \"ghastly\" afternoon and runs upstairs in a fit before Mary can tell her about that whole business about a poor person wearing her clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Anna are in the middle of helping Mrs. Hughes try on a long fur coat when Cora bursts in and goes berserk. Hell hath no fury like a rich person who hasn't had their afternoon nap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna later tells Mary that her mom treated them like thieves and unnecessarily gave Mrs. Hughes yet another wedding-related thing to complain about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary storms into her parents' room to ask WTF. Robert tries to use the fact that Cora had to watch old people fight about boring stuff that afternoon as an excuse for her behavior. Mary keeps it real: \"Does that excuse insulting a woman who has served us faithfully for many years, who simply wanted something nice to be married in?\" Mary does have a heart!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas underlines the real trauma of the whole ugly incident: \"Typical though, isn't it? 30 years of service, one wrong move, and snap, you're out on your ear.\" Carson, ever the aristocracy apologist, is like \u003cem>Nu uh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And because she can apparently only hold one single thought in her head at a time, Daisy randomly brings up her father-in-law again. You were barely married to that dude! No one cares!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes and Patmore roll their eyes about Cora, which is Cora's cue to come in and apologize and hand over a free coat (Mrs. Hughes' poverty-stricken, oily fingers already touched it so it was ruined anyway).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, the girl servants excitedly wake up Mrs. Hughes who has her hair in a super long braid (what other secrets does Mrs. Hughes keep from us?!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Molesley presents Carson with white rose boutonnières for the wedding. They're meant to be worn by the ushers. Carson is like \u003cem>But I don't have any friends, except Lady Mary. Oh, F it, take one and give one to cute Andy and none for Thomas. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the church where we're finally getting this wedding over with. Part of Carson's vows are \"With my body, I thee worship.\" Yeah, I bet you will the second your anti-hors d'oeuvre hooley reception ends, you minx!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Mr. and Mrs. Carson receive their guests and pretend not to hate Cora.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Spratt is minding his business, when Denker comes up and whispers threats in his ear. Can I order one cane to the face please?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Anna's happiness is darkened by her rain cloud of a husband. \"You would tell me if you'd fallen in love with someone else?\" Where did that even come from? So insecure and creepy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesley points out Daisy to the schoolmaster and talks up what a good student she's become.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schoolmaster:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Have you missed your vocation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Molesely:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I've missed everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>:-*(((((((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy and her father-in-law go up to Cora and thank her so much for something she has no intention of actually doing. It's super awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gives a toast and the (for the most part) happy couple kiss, but everyone looks away and starts freaking out over something else because Tom Branson and Sybbie are back from their passage through hell a.k.a. Boston!!! Thunder: stolen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons are Miss Colombia, Tom and Sybbie are Miss Philippines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19946\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19946\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"colombia miss universe crown gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nBranson explains how Downton rules and America drools. Everyone gets excited about his comeback because there haven't been any hot boys at the Abbey in a long while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sybbie, George and Marigold group hug. Everyone goes awwww!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Sharing is caring, especially when you own 5000 coats. Check yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Thanks for bringing your hot face back to Downton.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>T.S. Eliot Interviewer Dude:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>His hard circumstances transformed him into a wordsmith butterfly. I hope Edith's buddy Virginia Woolf invites him to be part of her Bloomsbury clique so he doesn't have to spend the rest of his days sitting on that ratty couch watching his underwear dry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Hang in there, buddy. If there is justice in this world, cute Andy is just severely closeted and you will eventually get yours. <3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Dowager Countess: \u003c/strong>Everything she says is gold, everything she touches is dusty and every accessory she owns also can serve as a weapon in a pinch. She has it all figured out (well, except \u003ca href=\"http://tribzap2it.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/downton-abbey-lady-violet-gif-season-1-episode-2-2.gif?w=480&h=360\" target=\"_blank\">what weekends are\u003c/a>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19954\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19954\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" alt=\"dowager countess gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It's that time again! Only two episodes deep and we've already experienced an abduction, a miscarriage, an exoneration and a formal let's-get-butt-naked-in-front-of-each-other-and-have-sex-instead-of-living-as-creepy-siblings agreement. What will happen next?? (Hopefully some clock winding for Thomas!) \u003cstrong>Note:\u003c/strong> if you don't get my clock winding reference, you're a bad person who didn't read \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">my recap from last week\u003c/a>. Make it right! For the rest of you, onward!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with a bustling kitchen. Mrs. Patmore orders Daisy to put something in the oven. The camera moves away before Daisy can stand on a soap box and shout: \"DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore follows Mrs. Hughes upstairs, who is \u003cstrong>still\u003c/strong> complaining about her wedding. Thomas won't be able to get married for another 90 years, but you don't hear him complaining, do you? Instead, he spends his days seducing cute straight boys and plotting to kill rude straight boys. Mrs. Hughes should take a page out of his book and get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Mrs. Hughes really hates hors d'oeuvres and how rich people \"stand about with nibbly bits stuck in their teeth.\" She wants her wedding to be less stuffy and more turnt, but Carson won't let her. \u003cem>Wahhhh, I have to have my wedding in a palatial English mansion for free! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tries to convince Mrs. Hughes to order a wedding dress from a catalogue and explains how easy it would be. Hughes responds: \"I know what a catalogue is, thank you!\" Okay, time out. Dear ungrateful Mrs. Hughes, you wouldn't even be getting married in the first place, if your BFF Patmore hadn't brokered that sex accord on your behalf. Put a little gratitude in your attitude, okay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes shows Mrs. Patmore the brown dress she plans to wear on her wedding day. Mrs. Patmore's response is the 1925 version of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Dowager Countess checks to see if a side table is dusty. The scene could honestly end there and I would be happy. Instead, her ineffectual son strolls in and they talk about the hospital drama. She insists he stop talking to anyone who isn't her (not a terrible life goal).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> You can't expect me to avoid talking to my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Dowager Countess:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Why not? I know several couples who are perfectly happy, haven't spoken in years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hear that, unhappily married folk? Scrap those marriage counseling appointments and keep living it up in your separate bedrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith comes in and her relatives notice for once. She's heading to London to get yelled at by her sexist editor some more. Granny is concerned about the propriety of a young woman staying in a city flat alone. Edith is like \u003cem>Don't worry. I'm middle-aged and repulsive. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer\" width=\"289\" height=\"308\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary comes in and mentions her traitorous mother, Cora. The Countess is like \u003cem>Ew, I'm out of here.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Why not stay and say hello?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Dowager Countess:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Oh, I have a feeling Cora and I will be saying \"Hello\" rather less than \"En garde!\" in the next few weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Countess then pretends her walking stick is a sword. I repeat, the Countess pretends her walking stick is a sword!!! Cora and Isobel better watch their backs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at chez Countess, Spratt is minding his own business, playing with his stamp collection. Miss Denker shows up to tell him his pastime is stupid. Such a mean drunk!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone rings at the door and Spratt answers. He seems freaked and won't tell Miss Denker who it was. Here's hoping it was the horny Russian dude from last season so the Countess' storyline can be about more than just some dumb hospital no one cares about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's room, she and Anna wonder why Edith doesn't just fire the sexist. Good question! \"Unless she enjoys racing up to London in a swirling cloud of crisis and drama.\" Ding, ding, ding! Sorry, Edith, I root for you always, but sometimes Mary is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary reads a letter from Branson aloud. He's depressed and homesick 'cause wouldn't you be if you moved to Boston?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna then shares some news: she might be pregnant again! Mary exclaims that Bates has really powerful sperm. Then, as if asked to sum up her entire existence in just six words, Anna utters the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How exciting!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I don't want to be excited.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yep, that about sums her up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, cute Andy asks Thomas if he's looking for a new job in the paper. Thomas flirts back, \"I might be. Would you be sorry?\" And then they play spin the bottle and kiss for a really long time because rules are rules. Sigh. You know they don't, but I have a dream! Make it so, Julian Fellowes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, cousin Isobel is gloating about her rivalry with the Countess because it's the only thing that makes her relevant. Her face has an upcoming date with a certain walking stick/pretend sword.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora asks Carson to bring Mrs. Hughes upstairs for a chat. Everyone is shocked. \u003cem>But she's poor and we're eating!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Daisy is talking about Cora maybe helping her evicted father-in-law because Downton writers can't help but beat their storylines like decomposing horses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mrs. Hughes awkwardly is like \u003cem>Uhh, what do you want? \u003c/em>Cora apologizes for putting her on the spot and then does just that. Mrs. Hughes is forced to explain why she doesn't want an hors d'oeuvres kind of reception in front of rich people who love hors d'oeuvres. It's awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hughes' list of demands:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>a proper breakfast\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tables and chairs\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>a guest list that includes poor people\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>the schoolhouse as the venue\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tunes\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>for things to turn into a \"hooley\" (I had to look this up; it's Irish slang for a rager)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Mary's rebuttal:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" alt=\"veruca salt gif tantrum\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is decided Hughes will have her hooley, after all. Carson and Mrs. Hughes leave the room and Mary turns on her mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Why did we have to listen to that?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora: \u003c/em>\u003c/strong>I want you to stop bullying them and let them do it their way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You think I'm a bully? I think you're a snob!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How do you make that out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[Carson walks back in just in time to hear:]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>She didn't want the bother of a servants' wedding in the hall!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hides their faces in tiny tea cups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, the Countess wants some hot chocolate before being tucked in. Instead of going off to make it, Denker attempts to gossip about Spratt's personal life. The Countess is like \u003cem>I don't know and I don't care! Now go make me a warm delicious beverage and don't you dare spit in it! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Robert celebrate Thomas maybe getting another job. Okay, I know Thomas is sneaky and always up to something, but he's been pretty chill in recent years. \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnrhzrBtw61qc9z2jo1_400.gif\" target=\"_blank\">Leave him alone!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith runs into an acquaintance and says various glass-half-empty type things. \u003cem>Ugh, I have a magazine. Ugh, I miss my daught...uhhh, I mean, the random child who stays with my family for no reason.\u003c/em> He is charmed for some reason and asks her out. Her super sexy reply: \"Well, it will have to be near the office.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in Yorkshire, Thomas is at his job interview. The place is \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> without the cats, raccoons and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_0IhqWd6fE\" target=\"_blank\">patriotic dancing\u003c/a>. The only furniture is a table with a dead bear on it, two couches piled high with old newspapers and a fireplace grate draped with underwear. Employer dude is not all there because his wife died and his two sons never came back from the war, but he's kind of a poet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Do you know what I shall always remember? The women going up to bed at the end of the evening. Their faces lit by the flame from the candle. Yes, diamonds twinkling as they climbed up into the darkness.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19941\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19941\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying gif\" width=\"350\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the moving recitation, T.S. Eliot starts randomly freaking out about Thomas maybe being a Republican. If we lived in an alternate universe where I had paid attention in my high school History class, this is where I would place this scene into context by dropping some early 20th century political knowledge. Instead, all you're going to get is this: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ .\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Edith's newspaper, Sexist Editor is going off again. Emboldened by her happy hour date, Edith fires him in a polite, British way. A random feminist secretary watches it all go down from the hallway and reacts like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"yass queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now they have to put together the magazine themselves in just nine hours! But -- oh no! -- Edith forgot all about her date! She runs to the bar and explains the situation. He's down to help. I wouldn't be surprised if they're married by the end of the episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs back at Downton, Molesley helps Daisy study and then spills about the Drews being run out of town because of that unsavory kidnapping business. Daisy is stoked. Her father-in-law can take their house! Let's hope that happens so we can put this dull storyline to bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Countess' pad, the police chief stops by. Apparently, Spratt's nephew broke out of jail and is now on the run. So I guess we're not going to get a sequel to the Dowager/Russian dude fling, like I hoped. Denker lies to the cop so that she can blackmail Spratt until the end of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith learns how to collage and they meet their deadline. The magazine is saved! Baby's first 9 hour work day! Edith and her date take turns complimenting each other and then discuss how sad a future without servants will be.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore shows Anna and Daisy a catalogue dress she secretly ordered for Mrs. Hughes. It's their turn to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Early the next morning, Baxter helps Cora get ready for the day, while Robert snores a few feet away (you know, 'cause it isn't awkward enough dressing a grown woman).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Cora runs into Daisy, who immediately goes into her \u003cem>Thank you m'lady for helping my father-in-law even though you haven't actually said you would \u003c/em>routine. Mrs. Hughes eventually breaks it up and Cora holds herself back from screaming, \u003cem>Keep the riffraff away from me, goddamnit!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna tells her about the ugly effing catalogue dress. Mary offers to let Mrs. Hughes borrow an evening coat of her mother's (revenge for Cora calling Mary a bully earlier?). This should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes complains about her lame dress some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Doctor Clarkson's office, all the old people argue about the hospital merger again because we haven't already had 52 scenes of them doing that. Cousin Isobel, not content to just gloat for all eternity, insults Clarkson by suggesting that he's just sour because he won't be important once other doctors show up. The Countess does the verbal equivalent of striking Isobel in the face with her walking stick: \"Did you drink at luncheon?\" Pow!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, cute Andy still isn't gay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith's editorial victory is celebrated by Robert and tolerated by Mary. Cora comes in to complain about her \"ghastly\" afternoon and runs upstairs in a fit before Mary can tell her about that whole business about a poor person wearing her clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Anna are in the middle of helping Mrs. Hughes try on a long fur coat when Cora bursts in and goes berserk. Hell hath no fury like a rich person who hasn't had their afternoon nap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna later tells Mary that her mom treated them like thieves and unnecessarily gave Mrs. Hughes yet another wedding-related thing to complain about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary storms into her parents' room to ask WTF. Robert tries to use the fact that Cora had to watch old people fight about boring stuff that afternoon as an excuse for her behavior. Mary keeps it real: \"Does that excuse insulting a woman who has served us faithfully for many years, who simply wanted something nice to be married in?\" Mary does have a heart!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas underlines the real trauma of the whole ugly incident: \"Typical though, isn't it? 30 years of service, one wrong move, and snap, you're out on your ear.\" Carson, ever the aristocracy apologist, is like \u003cem>Nu uh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And because she can apparently only hold one single thought in her head at a time, Daisy randomly brings up her father-in-law again. You were barely married to that dude! No one cares!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes and Patmore roll their eyes about Cora, which is Cora's cue to come in and apologize and hand over a free coat (Mrs. Hughes' poverty-stricken, oily fingers already touched it so it was ruined anyway).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, the girl servants excitedly wake up Mrs. Hughes who has her hair in a super long braid (what other secrets does Mrs. Hughes keep from us?!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Molesley presents Carson with white rose boutonnières for the wedding. They're meant to be worn by the ushers. Carson is like \u003cem>But I don't have any friends, except Lady Mary. Oh, F it, take one and give one to cute Andy and none for Thomas. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the church where we're finally getting this wedding over with. Part of Carson's vows are \"With my body, I thee worship.\" Yeah, I bet you will the second your anti-hors d'oeuvre hooley reception ends, you minx!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Mr. and Mrs. Carson receive their guests and pretend not to hate Cora.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Spratt is minding his business, when Denker comes up and whispers threats in his ear. Can I order one cane to the face please?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Anna's happiness is darkened by her rain cloud of a husband. \"You would tell me if you'd fallen in love with someone else?\" Where did that even come from? So insecure and creepy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesley points out Daisy to the schoolmaster and talks up what a good student she's become.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schoolmaster:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Have you missed your vocation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Molesely:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I've missed everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>:-*(((((((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy and her father-in-law go up to Cora and thank her so much for something she has no intention of actually doing. It's super awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gives a toast and the (for the most part) happy couple kiss, but everyone looks away and starts freaking out over something else because Tom Branson and Sybbie are back from their passage through hell a.k.a. Boston!!! Thunder: stolen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons are Miss Colombia, Tom and Sybbie are Miss Philippines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19946\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19946\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"colombia miss universe crown gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nBranson explains how Downton rules and America drools. Everyone gets excited about his comeback because there haven't been any hot boys at the Abbey in a long while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sybbie, George and Marigold group hug. Everyone goes awwww!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Sharing is caring, especially when you own 5000 coats. Check yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Thanks for bringing your hot face back to Downton.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>T.S. Eliot Interviewer Dude:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>His hard circumstances transformed him into a wordsmith butterfly. I hope Edith's buddy Virginia Woolf invites him to be part of her Bloomsbury clique so he doesn't have to spend the rest of his days sitting on that ratty couch watching his underwear dry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Hang in there, buddy. If there is justice in this world, cute Andy is just severely closeted and you will eventually get yours. <3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Dowager Countess: \u003c/strong>Everything she says is gold, everything she touches is dusty and every accessory she owns also can serve as a weapon in a pinch. She has it all figured out (well, except \u003ca href=\"http://tribzap2it.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/downton-abbey-lady-violet-gif-season-1-episode-2-2.gif?w=480&h=360\" target=\"_blank\">what weekends are\u003c/a>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19954\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19954\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" alt=\"dowager countess gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby",
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"content": "\u003cp>Did you cool down from all that hanky panky talk in \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">last week's season premiere\u003c/a>? Yeah, me neither, but the show must go on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A stranger cycles towards the Abbey. He might just be the mailman. Or he's arrived to either blackmail Lady Mary for having sex or accuse Bates or Anna of killing some rando. If it's the latter, I quit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy runs around with a plate of butter being cute. Other less cute people also do stuff. Molesley irons the pages of a newspaper (think about this next time a Crawley boo-hoos over not having as much money as in the good ol' days).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and his second and third favorite daughters (R.I.P. Sybil) gossip about Rose. Remember her? She dated a black jazz musician and married a Jewish dude from a broken home? The scandal! Well, she has a Hamptons house now and might be pregnant. Here's hoping Robert isn't in charge of medical decisions during her delivery (again, R.I.P. Sybil).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone downstairs wants to speak to the Agent of the estate. Mary, who has taken over those duties, says \"I want to be left to manage him. It's my job!\" Carson stops in his tracks and raises his eyebrows. He holds back from screaming: \"But you have ovaries!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert asks Carson about his wedding a.k.a. the day he and Mrs. Hughes start having all the sex. Carson shares that they've set a date, but are still looking for a place to hold the reception. Mary says, \u003cem>Here, duh!\u003c/em> Robert comes in for the assist and...fails miserably, as he almost always does. \"We can decorate the servants hall and make it look really special.\" This statement is the sequel to \"Let them eat cake.\" Off with his super rich, blinded-by-a-lifetime-of-privilege head!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary gets this and reprimands her embarrassing dad: \"I don't want to discuss it now in a rush. We'll have a proper conversation later.\" *cue a chorus of middle schoolers saying oooooo after a classmate is called to the principal's office*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Did you notice that everyone completely ignored Edith's existence and the two things she said in this scene? You probably ignored her too! No wonder Cora didn't even bother showing up to this lame breakfast. These people don't appreciate a fine woman when she's sipping tea right in front of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley brings up that time Daisy lost her sh*t on her father-in-law's new landlord and ensured his eviction. Daisy self-flogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Agent-seeker meets with Mary. She breaks her new role to him and he tries not to burn everything to the ground. They talk about pigs a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk outside, Mrs. Hughes incredulously repeats Robert's version of \"Let them eat cake\" to Carson. Have her reception in the servants hall? As if! She doesn't want to be a servant on her wedding day. Carson counters: \u003cem>But we'll still invite these rich people who don't actually value me at all, but whom I live to serve, right???\u003c/em> Mrs. Hughes gives him a side-eye and then this exchange takes place:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"Why? Did you think you would have to get married without Lady Mary to witness it?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"She's an important figure in my life, Mrs. Hughes. I won't apologize.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one said marriage was easy, y'all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's mansion, cousin Isobel, Robert, the doctor whose name I never remember, and the Countess sit around and argue some more about this hospital take-over. Robert says something glib about wanting to save lives. His mother hits back: \"If you can't say anything helpful, Robert, please be silent.\" Although a bit long, this should have been the title of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel wants to get Cora involved because she knows Cora agrees with her side of things. I don't 100% understand what all this fuss is about and why it deserves a multi-episode arc, but I always side with the Dowager. Dear cousin Isobel, know your place. You just got here.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the newbie footman Andy talks about how he likes it there and wants to walk and explore more. Thomas offers to join because Andy is cute and Thomas hasn't gotten some in a while. Andy says something to the effect of \u003cem>no homo\u003c/em>. Mrs. Hughes agrees. Why is she so invested in keeping Thomas celibate? Just 'cause you have issues with your body and sex doesn't mean others can't get some. Let Thomas live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, Carson makes fun of the fact that Thomas might be laid off soon. I hope you're not a fan of Mrs. Hughes and Carson 'cause their wedding is shaping up to be a reprise of the wedding in \u003cem>Kill Bill\u003c/em>. \u003cstrong>13-year-old spoiler:\u003c/strong> It's bloody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in town, Molesley follows a bunch of kids and asks to talk to their teacher. He could definitely use more schooling. Let's hope that's what this is about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, some sexist is yelling at Edith on the phone again. She tells him to calm down. By now, we people of the future know this only makes matters worse, but it's 1925 and Edith doesn't know anything about conflict resolution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith goes to complain to her family about how hated she is. Mary rolls her eyes. Like I said last week, these two need to just duel it out already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More talk about the boring hospital thing, which is thankfully interrupted by the children. Mary wants to take the kids on a field trip to see pigs at a local farm, which conveniently is the very farm where Edith kept Marigold hidden while she was pretending not to be post-partum depressed last year. Edith gets super anxious. Mary calls her a ninny. Same ol', same ol'.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley finds Daisy and tells her about his visit with the town schoolmaster. He gives her old exams from previous years so she can be prepared to take one of her own. Daisy is like \u003cem>This is nice and all, but I'm pretty busy planning to meddle some more in my father-in-law's affairs. K thanks bye! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's bedroom, Mary asks Anna why she's still a British lady reincarnation of Eeyore, despite her and her husband being acquitted. Anna brings up the time she had to go buy Mary a diaphragm (good times!) and then confides about her miscarriages. Mary feels bad and probably thinks something along the lines of: \u003cem>My maid has more problems than a math book.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Isobel runs into her ex. He talks about how the locals need better health care and the hospital take-over will make things better. Like last week, he mentions how glad he is that they are allies on this issue. And, again, Isobel sings Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\" She then gets excited about battling the Dowager and predicts there will be \"wigs on the green.\" 2016 translation: \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/9539c1e5a2c819760bcb1d72b458dcbe/tumblr_nu9jeoSHel1sar3c7o1_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">wigs are about to be snatched\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Thomas offers to help cute newbie Andy wind the clocks and is spurned for the 908th time. It's really too bad \u003cem>He's Just Not That Into You\u003c/em> wasn't out back in 1925. Thomas could really use it right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the village farm, Mary is busy talking about pigs, while Mr. Drew and Cora are trying to speed things along before his crazy jealous wife a.k.a. Marigold's fake mom comes back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Too late! His wife gets all mama bear with Marigold and Mr. Drew implores \"Let her go, Margie.\" She begrudgingly does and Cora gets Marigold the hell out of there. This goes down in history as the shortest and most polite hostage crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas plans to go on a job interview nearby. He hopes there are cute boys there who will let him wind their clocks, if you know what I mean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary tells Carson that, despite what her father stupidly said about making up the servants' hall for his wedding reception, it can be held in any of the upstairs rooms. Robert is sour about her fixing his faux pas and still has no clue why what he said was demeaning and offensive. Some things never change!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-polish room, where everything always happens, Anna is in the dark crying again. Bates tries to comfort her with trite passages he read in a greeting card once. He asks if she would consider adoption. Anna says she would, but that Bates is \"tribal\" and wants his own child. He's doesn't deny this and then continues to be entirely unhelpful: \"To me, we are one person. And that person can't have children.\" What poetry! I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with: Bates or the writer who got paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the sexist phone caller is now yelling at Edith IRL. She fires him on the spot. No, actually she just takes it 'cause her superpower is soaking in all forms of criticism and ire like a sponge and then crying it all out at night and sometimes even almost \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\" target=\"_blank\">burning down the house \u003c/a>while she's at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas shows up for his interview and any hopes for sexy clock-winding are quickly dashed because of an impressive gaydar. \"You're a delicate looking fella, aren't you?\" the homophobe interviewer asks, before bullying Thomas for not being married. Add this dude to the list of people Thomas will most likely murder soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary tells Anna she wants to help her with this whole no babies thing. OMG, is she going to find her a surrogate and help her pretend she was pregnant all along, \u003ca href=\"http://blackbag.gawker.com/did-beyonce-fake-her-pregnancy-1693597363\" target=\"_blank\">like Beyonce (allegedly) did\u003c/a> with Blue Ivy? Oh, they're just going to visit a doctor to see what's up. That works too, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna keeps refusing help, but Mary points out all the times Anna has helped her in a time of need: hiding \"that fearful Dutch thingamajig\" (we all must call contraceptives this from now on) and carrying the Turk's dead body out of her room. They have a good, long laugh thinking about how Mary killed a man with her vagina.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It only takes 3.2 seconds for Anna to turn back into Eeyore. She mopes about how going to the doctor or even a potential operation probably won't work. The only way Mary avoids strangling her sadsack neck is to ask her if she'll tell Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna says she won't. \"He'd help too much.\" Translation: he would try killing someone again and this final season doesn't have enough running time to include a third instance of Bates maybe going to jail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have y'all ever noticed that Bates is basically Lennie from \u003cem>Of Mice and Men\u003c/em>? Always meaning well, but accidentally hurting or killing things? That novel takes place in the 1930s, which could mean that this entire show is an origin story and Bates does something awful at Downton and must flee to California's Salinas Valley to assume a new identity. I wouldn't rule it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Robert talk about how Mrs. Drew wants to \"swallow [Marigold] whole.\" Cora asks about the possibility of making the Drews move 'cause she knows that, once Mrs. Drew finds a windowless white van, she'll be kidnapping Marigold tout de suite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter encourages Daisy not to be angry with Cora for not being able to help Daisy's father-in-law. Daisy's A+ response: \"It's the system's fault! That's what makes me angry: the system! And she's part of it!\" Out of the mouth of immortal, ageless, partially educated babes! Revolution is nigh! Tom Branson would be so proud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her aunt drink booze out of tiny glasses and talk about fine dining, shopping and the joys of living alone. On that last note, Rosamund correctly points out: \"That's the danger of living alone. It can be very hard to give up.\" I'm so with her on this one. Nothing's better than coming home and doing whatever the hell you want without someone being there to judge you for eating raw cookie dough out of a bowl in your underwear while watching a marathon of \u003cem>The Great British Baking Show\u003c/em>. Oh, you don't do that? Uh, yeah, me neither. Anywaaay, how is super chill Rosamund related to her loser brother Robert? It boggles the mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Mrs. Hughes tells Carson she doesn't want to get married at Downton because it's not who they are. Carson, who's convinced himself that he's a part of the Crawley family, despite the whole waiting on them hand and foot for a lifetime thing, doesn't agree, but plans to decline the offer because happy wife, happy life or whatever people say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates and Anna talk about her trip to London. Anna alludes to her secret gyno appointment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Well, try and put your feet up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Yes, I \u003cem>will\u003c/em> be \u003ca href=\"http://www.wanrooemed.com/UploadFiles/201311164042200778.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">putting my feet up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This marks the first time a scene featuring these two has made me laugh. Well done, all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Cora mentions that she's meeting with the Dowager, the village doctor and Isobel about hospital bizness. Then we get a peek into what a happy marriage looks like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [referring to inviting Isobel] Is that wise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> At least she's an ally I can rely on, even if I can't rely on you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I didn't tell you about the meeting bec...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [to Mary] \"What time's your train?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brrr, it's gonna be cold in the marital bed tonight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family switches the topic over to Carson's wedding reception. Carson tries to get out of having it at Downton, but Lady Mary vows that the reception will be there if it's the last thing she does. Uh oh, Mrs. Hughes is going to be soooo pissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the hospital, Cora admits she's on Team Give Up the Hospital. The Countess is desperate to change the tide with some manipulative psychology: \"Are you saying Dr. Clarkson is a bad doctor?\" Cora doesn't find this as amusing as I do and decides to leave. Isobel rubs salt in the wound on her way out: \"I'll come with you. We must give them time to gnash their teeth alone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the future kidnapper's farm, Robert tries to convince Mr. Drew to move away before his wife does something dumb. It doesn't work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes blows up when Carson tells her Lady Mary insists they have their reception upstairs. \"Heaven forfend we lowly folk should do anything to contradict the \u003cem>blessed\u003c/em> Lady Mary!\" Yeesh! This is getting ugly fast! Remember the forehead kisses, guys?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently not because Mrs. Hughes is still at it: \"We'll be doing it your way for the next 30 years, I know that well enough, but the wedding day is mine!\" Good grief, Mrs. Hughes has become such a drama queen since she's gotten engaged. First the whole I never want to have sex or be naked ever again thing and now this? Also, it's super sad that she's resigned to doing everything Carson's way for the next 30 years. Although I guess a dark silver lining is that, let's be real, neither of them have another 30 years left. (Hey, don't get mad at me for speaking truth; people lived shorter lives back then!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter...you know what, I think you should just see it for yourself 'cause I'm too busy laughing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/685933485920391169\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No.\" Ha ha ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. Cora has a secret plan to help Daisy so she'll shut up about her father-in-law and the evil power structures that keep the poor in their place, while making the 1% richer. Bloody revolution has been averted...for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Anna finds out she suffers from a rude-sounding condition called \"cervical incompetence.\" (Between this and preeclampsia, I've learned a whole lot about women's reproductive health, haven't you?) It's okay though 'cause the doctor can fix it with an out-patient operation done at her own house! How much do you wanna bet that she tries to have this operation done without Bates knowing and he happens to walk in on it and thinks something else is going on and Bates kills the doctor and maybe Anna too? I bet you 75 cents (I need quarters for laundry).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Bates knows something's up because Anna is acting \"bouncy\" instead of weeping in the shoe polish room like usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, there are a ton of farm animals in pens being judged. The whole gang is in attendance, including Mrs. Drew, who instantly locks eyes on Marigold. Amber alert in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy is bowling nearby and Thomas insists on embarrassing himself further by first asking Andy to come with him to see Mary's pigs (declined) and then to help teach Andy how to bowl (double declined). Mrs. Patmore is there to say \u003cem>Dude, give it a rest. He's not gay!\u003c/em> Thomas still thinks he is. This better be going somewhere!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Drew stares at Marigold some more. Okay, I get it. You grew attached to the baby when you had her for a few months, but you have a boatload of kids already. Focus on them and leave this little heiress alone. I know you won't though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson argue some more about this stupid reception. Just don't get married!!! Problem solved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First prize for fattest pig or whatever goes to Lady Mary's swine! Everyone celebrates for exactly two seconds before they realize Marigold is missing! Didn't I tell y'all???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hyperventilates and runs around for a while, until they remember that, oh yeah, that obsessed, unhinged lady probably took her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang heads to the Drew farm, where Mr. Drew finds his wife cradling and humming to Marigold. \"She was bored,\" she explains. \"They were paying her no attention, none at all!\" Okay, she's right about the last bit. These kids are such afterthoughts. But the crazy unravels further. \"Of course I brought her here. This is her home!\" Girl, please give it a rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew calmly begs her to hand over the child, the same way you talk to someone pointing a gun at your face. She eventually does and then dramatically watches him give Marigold back from a window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew tells Robert he will start looking for a new home (one close to a loony bin presumably). Robert relays the news to Edith and Cora and they're like \u003cem>Ugh, finally. Anyway, what's for dinner? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates and Mrs. Drew: \u003c/strong>Both kid obsessed. How about they run away together? Mr. Drew and Anna will be sad at first, but will eventually find solace in each other. Mr. Drew will finally stop making that frowny face all the time and Anna will quit crying while surrounded by shoes. It's a win-win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Anna:\u003c/strong> I forgot about all the gangster stuff she's done in the past. Buying contraceptives and moving dead bodies? That counts for something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mr. Drew:\u003c/strong> It's a hard knock life when you can't stop your wife from kidnapping other people's children, but he does the best that he can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy:\u003c/strong> In last week's rankings, I awarded Daisy bronze for telling it like it is. She turned up the heat even more this week with her still-relevant critique of society's inherently evil and unfair power structures. If Tumblr was around in the 1920s, Daisy would have had so many social justice-inclined followers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Rosamund:\u003c/strong> Robert may have inherited the mansion, but Rosamund inherited all the badass coolness from the Dowager. Keep doing you! Just say no to roommates!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19812\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19812\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" alt=\"rosamund downton gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"139\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Lots of baby mama drama on this week's episode. Read all about it!",
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"description": "Lots of baby mama drama on this week's episode. Read all about it!",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Did you cool down from all that hanky panky talk in \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">last week's season premiere\u003c/a>? Yeah, me neither, but the show must go on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A stranger cycles towards the Abbey. He might just be the mailman. Or he's arrived to either blackmail Lady Mary for having sex or accuse Bates or Anna of killing some rando. If it's the latter, I quit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy runs around with a plate of butter being cute. Other less cute people also do stuff. Molesley irons the pages of a newspaper (think about this next time a Crawley boo-hoos over not having as much money as in the good ol' days).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and his second and third favorite daughters (R.I.P. Sybil) gossip about Rose. Remember her? She dated a black jazz musician and married a Jewish dude from a broken home? The scandal! Well, she has a Hamptons house now and might be pregnant. Here's hoping Robert isn't in charge of medical decisions during her delivery (again, R.I.P. Sybil).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone downstairs wants to speak to the Agent of the estate. Mary, who has taken over those duties, says \"I want to be left to manage him. It's my job!\" Carson stops in his tracks and raises his eyebrows. He holds back from screaming: \"But you have ovaries!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert asks Carson about his wedding a.k.a. the day he and Mrs. Hughes start having all the sex. Carson shares that they've set a date, but are still looking for a place to hold the reception. Mary says, \u003cem>Here, duh!\u003c/em> Robert comes in for the assist and...fails miserably, as he almost always does. \"We can decorate the servants hall and make it look really special.\" This statement is the sequel to \"Let them eat cake.\" Off with his super rich, blinded-by-a-lifetime-of-privilege head!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary gets this and reprimands her embarrassing dad: \"I don't want to discuss it now in a rush. We'll have a proper conversation later.\" *cue a chorus of middle schoolers saying oooooo after a classmate is called to the principal's office*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Did you notice that everyone completely ignored Edith's existence and the two things she said in this scene? You probably ignored her too! No wonder Cora didn't even bother showing up to this lame breakfast. These people don't appreciate a fine woman when she's sipping tea right in front of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley brings up that time Daisy lost her sh*t on her father-in-law's new landlord and ensured his eviction. Daisy self-flogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Agent-seeker meets with Mary. She breaks her new role to him and he tries not to burn everything to the ground. They talk about pigs a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk outside, Mrs. Hughes incredulously repeats Robert's version of \"Let them eat cake\" to Carson. Have her reception in the servants hall? As if! She doesn't want to be a servant on her wedding day. Carson counters: \u003cem>But we'll still invite these rich people who don't actually value me at all, but whom I live to serve, right???\u003c/em> Mrs. Hughes gives him a side-eye and then this exchange takes place:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"Why? Did you think you would have to get married without Lady Mary to witness it?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"She's an important figure in my life, Mrs. Hughes. I won't apologize.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one said marriage was easy, y'all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's mansion, cousin Isobel, Robert, the doctor whose name I never remember, and the Countess sit around and argue some more about this hospital take-over. Robert says something glib about wanting to save lives. His mother hits back: \"If you can't say anything helpful, Robert, please be silent.\" Although a bit long, this should have been the title of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel wants to get Cora involved because she knows Cora agrees with her side of things. I don't 100% understand what all this fuss is about and why it deserves a multi-episode arc, but I always side with the Dowager. Dear cousin Isobel, know your place. You just got here.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the newbie footman Andy talks about how he likes it there and wants to walk and explore more. Thomas offers to join because Andy is cute and Thomas hasn't gotten some in a while. Andy says something to the effect of \u003cem>no homo\u003c/em>. Mrs. Hughes agrees. Why is she so invested in keeping Thomas celibate? Just 'cause you have issues with your body and sex doesn't mean others can't get some. Let Thomas live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, Carson makes fun of the fact that Thomas might be laid off soon. I hope you're not a fan of Mrs. Hughes and Carson 'cause their wedding is shaping up to be a reprise of the wedding in \u003cem>Kill Bill\u003c/em>. \u003cstrong>13-year-old spoiler:\u003c/strong> It's bloody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in town, Molesley follows a bunch of kids and asks to talk to their teacher. He could definitely use more schooling. Let's hope that's what this is about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, some sexist is yelling at Edith on the phone again. She tells him to calm down. By now, we people of the future know this only makes matters worse, but it's 1925 and Edith doesn't know anything about conflict resolution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith goes to complain to her family about how hated she is. Mary rolls her eyes. Like I said last week, these two need to just duel it out already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More talk about the boring hospital thing, which is thankfully interrupted by the children. Mary wants to take the kids on a field trip to see pigs at a local farm, which conveniently is the very farm where Edith kept Marigold hidden while she was pretending not to be post-partum depressed last year. Edith gets super anxious. Mary calls her a ninny. Same ol', same ol'.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley finds Daisy and tells her about his visit with the town schoolmaster. He gives her old exams from previous years so she can be prepared to take one of her own. Daisy is like \u003cem>This is nice and all, but I'm pretty busy planning to meddle some more in my father-in-law's affairs. K thanks bye! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's bedroom, Mary asks Anna why she's still a British lady reincarnation of Eeyore, despite her and her husband being acquitted. Anna brings up the time she had to go buy Mary a diaphragm (good times!) and then confides about her miscarriages. Mary feels bad and probably thinks something along the lines of: \u003cem>My maid has more problems than a math book.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Isobel runs into her ex. He talks about how the locals need better health care and the hospital take-over will make things better. Like last week, he mentions how glad he is that they are allies on this issue. And, again, Isobel sings Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\" She then gets excited about battling the Dowager and predicts there will be \"wigs on the green.\" 2016 translation: \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/9539c1e5a2c819760bcb1d72b458dcbe/tumblr_nu9jeoSHel1sar3c7o1_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">wigs are about to be snatched\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Thomas offers to help cute newbie Andy wind the clocks and is spurned for the 908th time. It's really too bad \u003cem>He's Just Not That Into You\u003c/em> wasn't out back in 1925. Thomas could really use it right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the village farm, Mary is busy talking about pigs, while Mr. Drew and Cora are trying to speed things along before his crazy jealous wife a.k.a. Marigold's fake mom comes back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Too late! His wife gets all mama bear with Marigold and Mr. Drew implores \"Let her go, Margie.\" She begrudgingly does and Cora gets Marigold the hell out of there. This goes down in history as the shortest and most polite hostage crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas plans to go on a job interview nearby. He hopes there are cute boys there who will let him wind their clocks, if you know what I mean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary tells Carson that, despite what her father stupidly said about making up the servants' hall for his wedding reception, it can be held in any of the upstairs rooms. Robert is sour about her fixing his faux pas and still has no clue why what he said was demeaning and offensive. Some things never change!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-polish room, where everything always happens, Anna is in the dark crying again. Bates tries to comfort her with trite passages he read in a greeting card once. He asks if she would consider adoption. Anna says she would, but that Bates is \"tribal\" and wants his own child. He's doesn't deny this and then continues to be entirely unhelpful: \"To me, we are one person. And that person can't have children.\" What poetry! I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with: Bates or the writer who got paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the sexist phone caller is now yelling at Edith IRL. She fires him on the spot. No, actually she just takes it 'cause her superpower is soaking in all forms of criticism and ire like a sponge and then crying it all out at night and sometimes even almost \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\" target=\"_blank\">burning down the house \u003c/a>while she's at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas shows up for his interview and any hopes for sexy clock-winding are quickly dashed because of an impressive gaydar. \"You're a delicate looking fella, aren't you?\" the homophobe interviewer asks, before bullying Thomas for not being married. Add this dude to the list of people Thomas will most likely murder soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary tells Anna she wants to help her with this whole no babies thing. OMG, is she going to find her a surrogate and help her pretend she was pregnant all along, \u003ca href=\"http://blackbag.gawker.com/did-beyonce-fake-her-pregnancy-1693597363\" target=\"_blank\">like Beyonce (allegedly) did\u003c/a> with Blue Ivy? Oh, they're just going to visit a doctor to see what's up. That works too, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna keeps refusing help, but Mary points out all the times Anna has helped her in a time of need: hiding \"that fearful Dutch thingamajig\" (we all must call contraceptives this from now on) and carrying the Turk's dead body out of her room. They have a good, long laugh thinking about how Mary killed a man with her vagina.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It only takes 3.2 seconds for Anna to turn back into Eeyore. She mopes about how going to the doctor or even a potential operation probably won't work. The only way Mary avoids strangling her sadsack neck is to ask her if she'll tell Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna says she won't. \"He'd help too much.\" Translation: he would try killing someone again and this final season doesn't have enough running time to include a third instance of Bates maybe going to jail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have y'all ever noticed that Bates is basically Lennie from \u003cem>Of Mice and Men\u003c/em>? Always meaning well, but accidentally hurting or killing things? That novel takes place in the 1930s, which could mean that this entire show is an origin story and Bates does something awful at Downton and must flee to California's Salinas Valley to assume a new identity. I wouldn't rule it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Robert talk about how Mrs. Drew wants to \"swallow [Marigold] whole.\" Cora asks about the possibility of making the Drews move 'cause she knows that, once Mrs. Drew finds a windowless white van, she'll be kidnapping Marigold tout de suite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter encourages Daisy not to be angry with Cora for not being able to help Daisy's father-in-law. Daisy's A+ response: \"It's the system's fault! That's what makes me angry: the system! And she's part of it!\" Out of the mouth of immortal, ageless, partially educated babes! Revolution is nigh! Tom Branson would be so proud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her aunt drink booze out of tiny glasses and talk about fine dining, shopping and the joys of living alone. On that last note, Rosamund correctly points out: \"That's the danger of living alone. It can be very hard to give up.\" I'm so with her on this one. Nothing's better than coming home and doing whatever the hell you want without someone being there to judge you for eating raw cookie dough out of a bowl in your underwear while watching a marathon of \u003cem>The Great British Baking Show\u003c/em>. Oh, you don't do that? Uh, yeah, me neither. Anywaaay, how is super chill Rosamund related to her loser brother Robert? It boggles the mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Mrs. Hughes tells Carson she doesn't want to get married at Downton because it's not who they are. Carson, who's convinced himself that he's a part of the Crawley family, despite the whole waiting on them hand and foot for a lifetime thing, doesn't agree, but plans to decline the offer because happy wife, happy life or whatever people say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates and Anna talk about her trip to London. Anna alludes to her secret gyno appointment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Well, try and put your feet up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Yes, I \u003cem>will\u003c/em> be \u003ca href=\"http://www.wanrooemed.com/UploadFiles/201311164042200778.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">putting my feet up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This marks the first time a scene featuring these two has made me laugh. Well done, all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Cora mentions that she's meeting with the Dowager, the village doctor and Isobel about hospital bizness. Then we get a peek into what a happy marriage looks like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [referring to inviting Isobel] Is that wise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> At least she's an ally I can rely on, even if I can't rely on you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I didn't tell you about the meeting bec...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [to Mary] \"What time's your train?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brrr, it's gonna be cold in the marital bed tonight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family switches the topic over to Carson's wedding reception. Carson tries to get out of having it at Downton, but Lady Mary vows that the reception will be there if it's the last thing she does. Uh oh, Mrs. Hughes is going to be soooo pissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the hospital, Cora admits she's on Team Give Up the Hospital. The Countess is desperate to change the tide with some manipulative psychology: \"Are you saying Dr. Clarkson is a bad doctor?\" Cora doesn't find this as amusing as I do and decides to leave. Isobel rubs salt in the wound on her way out: \"I'll come with you. We must give them time to gnash their teeth alone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the future kidnapper's farm, Robert tries to convince Mr. Drew to move away before his wife does something dumb. It doesn't work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes blows up when Carson tells her Lady Mary insists they have their reception upstairs. \"Heaven forfend we lowly folk should do anything to contradict the \u003cem>blessed\u003c/em> Lady Mary!\" Yeesh! This is getting ugly fast! Remember the forehead kisses, guys?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently not because Mrs. Hughes is still at it: \"We'll be doing it your way for the next 30 years, I know that well enough, but the wedding day is mine!\" Good grief, Mrs. Hughes has become such a drama queen since she's gotten engaged. First the whole I never want to have sex or be naked ever again thing and now this? Also, it's super sad that she's resigned to doing everything Carson's way for the next 30 years. Although I guess a dark silver lining is that, let's be real, neither of them have another 30 years left. (Hey, don't get mad at me for speaking truth; people lived shorter lives back then!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter...you know what, I think you should just see it for yourself 'cause I'm too busy laughing:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>\"No.\" Ha ha ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. Cora has a secret plan to help Daisy so she'll shut up about her father-in-law and the evil power structures that keep the poor in their place, while making the 1% richer. Bloody revolution has been averted...for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Anna finds out she suffers from a rude-sounding condition called \"cervical incompetence.\" (Between this and preeclampsia, I've learned a whole lot about women's reproductive health, haven't you?) It's okay though 'cause the doctor can fix it with an out-patient operation done at her own house! How much do you wanna bet that she tries to have this operation done without Bates knowing and he happens to walk in on it and thinks something else is going on and Bates kills the doctor and maybe Anna too? I bet you 75 cents (I need quarters for laundry).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Bates knows something's up because Anna is acting \"bouncy\" instead of weeping in the shoe polish room like usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, there are a ton of farm animals in pens being judged. The whole gang is in attendance, including Mrs. Drew, who instantly locks eyes on Marigold. Amber alert in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy is bowling nearby and Thomas insists on embarrassing himself further by first asking Andy to come with him to see Mary's pigs (declined) and then to help teach Andy how to bowl (double declined). Mrs. Patmore is there to say \u003cem>Dude, give it a rest. He's not gay!\u003c/em> Thomas still thinks he is. This better be going somewhere!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Drew stares at Marigold some more. Okay, I get it. You grew attached to the baby when you had her for a few months, but you have a boatload of kids already. Focus on them and leave this little heiress alone. I know you won't though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson argue some more about this stupid reception. Just don't get married!!! Problem solved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First prize for fattest pig or whatever goes to Lady Mary's swine! Everyone celebrates for exactly two seconds before they realize Marigold is missing! Didn't I tell y'all???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hyperventilates and runs around for a while, until they remember that, oh yeah, that obsessed, unhinged lady probably took her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang heads to the Drew farm, where Mr. Drew finds his wife cradling and humming to Marigold. \"She was bored,\" she explains. \"They were paying her no attention, none at all!\" Okay, she's right about the last bit. These kids are such afterthoughts. But the crazy unravels further. \"Of course I brought her here. This is her home!\" Girl, please give it a rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew calmly begs her to hand over the child, the same way you talk to someone pointing a gun at your face. She eventually does and then dramatically watches him give Marigold back from a window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew tells Robert he will start looking for a new home (one close to a loony bin presumably). Robert relays the news to Edith and Cora and they're like \u003cem>Ugh, finally. Anyway, what's for dinner? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates and Mrs. Drew: \u003c/strong>Both kid obsessed. How about they run away together? Mr. Drew and Anna will be sad at first, but will eventually find solace in each other. Mr. Drew will finally stop making that frowny face all the time and Anna will quit crying while surrounded by shoes. It's a win-win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Anna:\u003c/strong> I forgot about all the gangster stuff she's done in the past. Buying contraceptives and moving dead bodies? That counts for something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mr. Drew:\u003c/strong> It's a hard knock life when you can't stop your wife from kidnapping other people's children, but he does the best that he can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy:\u003c/strong> In last week's rankings, I awarded Daisy bronze for telling it like it is. She turned up the heat even more this week with her still-relevant critique of society's inherently evil and unfair power structures. If Tumblr was around in the 1920s, Daisy would have had so many social justice-inclined followers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Rosamund:\u003c/strong> Robert may have inherited the mansion, but Rosamund inherited all the badass coolness from the Dowager. Keep doing you! Just say no to roommates!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19812\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19812\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" alt=\"rosamund downton gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"139\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let's Talk About Sex",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let's Talk About Sex",
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"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"u6kwxRc751Fj27mVoFyYa7hMMbDDYM0U\"]Piano keys plink dramatically, a bell tolls, a single rose petal falls, a feather duster flirts with a chandelier: all portents of the final season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a soap opera we all didn’t have to feel bad about watching because of the vaguely historical storylines and the fancy British accents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forget everything that happened last year? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Refresh your memory\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nWonder how I think everything should end? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\" target=\"_blank\">Read up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone else, let’s do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A crazy amount of dogs follow white dudes in fancy red coats and top hats on horseback. Right off the bat, the \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> producers are trying to make up for killing Isis, the only dog that matters. This will not work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas carries a tray of goblets out to the red coats. Maybe one of them will be his new rich love interest and he’ll finally have the means to quit this dumb job and live happily ever after? Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He passes a drink to Mary, who is wearing a bowler hat and a black coat and \u003cstrong>NOT\u003c/strong> riding side-saddle like a proper, demure lady, because, ever since her sex vacation last season, she doesn’t really give a you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sad, overwhelmed Molesley comes outside and all the dogs immediately sniff out his desperation and start barking at him. Per usual, Molesley sucks at life and comes *this close* to dropping everything on his tray. Carson raises an eyebrow at him that translates to: \u003cem>How in the world have I not fired you yet?!\u003c/em> That’s a really good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A woman in a hat approaches Downton. Let it be Sybil! Maybe she faked her own death to get a break from all her nosy relatives and travel the world or become a progressive politician or something? I don’t care how outlandish the story, I just want Sybil back! #MakeItRightJulianFellowes #BringBackTheHaremPants #StandAgainstPreeclampsia\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora Crawley reminds her husband, Robert, that he probably shouldn’t bail on some important board meeting in order to go hunting. Robert, who has learned nothing from his long history of screwing up business transactions and losing much of the family’s fortune, is like, \u003cem>Whatever, mom!\u003c/em> and gallops off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora should have listened to me last season when I screamed at her through my computer screen: STAY WITH THE ART DUDE! OR GO TO JAMAICA AND GET YOUR GROOVE BACK! ANYTHING BUT THIS!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert notice the woman in the hat and wonder who she is. She doesn’t look like Sybil so who cares.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert gives Mary a hard time for not being \"graceful\" and riding side-saddle because it’s only been 2 minutes and we need a reminder that he represents ye olde patriarchy. Mary is not having any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s 1925. Remember when the show started with\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/12/17/titanic-turns-18-what-you-dont-know-about-the-film/\" target=\"_blank\"> the Titanic\u003c/a> sinking? That was 1912, which means that it’s supposedly been 13 years (math!) since we first met these characters. Even Maggie Smith \u003ca href=\"http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2013/03/maggie-smith-downton-abbey-dowager-countess\" target=\"_blank\">has wondered\u003c/a> how the Dowager Countess is still alive. I'm not concerned with that because the answer’s easy; a being as perfect as that is clearly an immortal goddess dating back to ancient Egypt. What I do wonder is: why is Daisy still basically a baby? Also immortal?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson talks to Not Sybil, who's still loitering. I have no idea what in the world they’re talking about. Intrigue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith’s kids watch Mrs. Patmore bake. One of them speaks (a first!) and asks to lick the bowl. Eventually, the subject will shift from how delicious cake batter is to how the nearly constant absence of their parents contributed to their inability to accept love or engage in any meaningful intimacy. Hopefully the family still has money for all those therapist bills by then (not likely, if Grandpa Robert keeps bailing on meetings to futz around in the woods).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Thomas talk about how nice (i.e. cute) the new footman, Andy, is. Then, Mrs. Hughes basically warns Thomas not to get an unrequited crush on this one. He stares at her with a weird smile for a beat too long, which means he’s fantasizing about killing her for saying that, but he snaps out of it in order to give baby George a piggy back ride 'cause why not?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy asks Mrs. Hughes if she’s set a wedding date yet. She hasn’t because Carson only really kisses her on the forehead and a woman has needs. (I may have inferred a great deal of this.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mrs. Patmore finds Mrs. Hughes for some real talk. Mrs. Hughes pretends nothing is wrong and Mrs. Patmore gives her a \u003cem>girl, please\u003c/em> look. Turns out I was wrong about Mrs. Hughes wanting more than forehead kisses. She is really freaked out about having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore brings in reason: \"There's nothing so terrible about it, is there?\" But then she keeps talking: \"…so they say…I wouldn't know, of course.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you mean to tell me Mrs. Patmore, who is easily pushing 60, has never ever had sex?! Hurry up, Women's Lib!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes thinks her \"late middle age\" body is repulsive and prefers the idea of living like \"a very loving brother and sister\" to Carson ever seeing her naked. Mrs. Patmore points out that Carson's body is probably pretty gross too. Mrs. Hughes agrees and momentarily feels better, before asking Mrs. Patmore to go iron this whole naked sex arrangement out with Carson. Now \u003cem>that's\u003c/em> a friend!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the stairwell, Mrs. Patmore runs into Anna, who is crying because that's all her body knows how to do. I wish she would make a pro/con list about her marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pro:\u003c/strong> he's kind of cute, if you're into that sort of thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Con:\u003c/strong> he's maybe murdered two different people, is always grumpy, scares potential friends away, talks a big game, but can't back it up, etc. etc. etc.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out in the woods, Not Sybil is loitering again. Get a hobby already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary spots her and instantly falls off her horse into the mud. Her dad is kind of worried, but had suspected Mary would be taken down, one way or another, by the un-feminine way she was riding. Not Sybil looks pleased and evil in the distance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, some insecure editor dude is yelling at Edith over the phone. He apparently doesn't like working for a woman. Cora suggests she just sell the business and go back to just sitting around. Edith is like nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the board meeting, Dowager Countess and cousin Isobel are fighting again (so much for all that ya-ya sisterhood last season). Some big hospital wants to buy their little village hospital. Countess wants to retain control. Isobel thinks it would be better for the patients if they were to hand it over. Isobel's former suitor (you remember, the one with those jerk sons) tells her he's glad they agree. Isobel replies by singing the chorus of Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary returns home to find Not Sybil lurking in the bushes. She's had enough and confronts the mystery lady. Turns out she's a chambermaid from the hotel where Mary had her sex vacation. Well, damn!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She allegedly has\u003ca href=\"http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcspb0ZJ3C1qfqdfr.gif\" target=\"_blank\"> receipts\u003c/a> to prove that Mary is a whore and wants money to keep quiet. Mary says that this isn't the first time someone's tried to blackmail her and walks away in the rain. Not Sybil But A Blackmailing Chambermaid keeps spewing threats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can we just skip this storyline? It's the final season. Let's spend it worrying about more important things like getting Mrs. Patmore laid and figuring out a way for Edith to kill some Nazis for probably killing her baby daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the servants' rec room or whatever, Anna is still being a downer. Meanwhile, Thomas is tired from giving baby Marigold piggy back rides all day. Is he grooming these children to be his accomplices since none of the other servants are evil these days?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesely says something like, \u003cem>Gosh, how great that Lady Edith found this random pauper baby in the village and wants to give her a better life!\u003c/em> So simple and gullible. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room upstairs, Robert and Carson complain about how the servant to rich person ratio is going down. Robert then proceeds to condescendingly lecture Carson about how you can’t resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna and Mary talk about the blackmailer and the latest in Anna's court case (she's on bail for now) before talking about what's really important: whatever will they do about Mary's wet hair?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-shining room (if Tori Spelling's mom can have \u003ca href=\"http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2009/galleries/candyspelling/candy_spelling2.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">a whole room dedicated to gift-wrapping\u003c/a>, the Crawleys can have one for this, okay?), Bates tries to figure out why Anna is sad. She insists that she's fine…and then bursts into sobs. She had a miscarriage. Did a woman who's married to a creepy bore and is currently on bail for maybe killing her rapist really need another adversity, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, the family speaks of Tom Branson (come back!). He's found a flat in Boston and Sybbie likes her new school. Robert uses this news as an opportunity to diss the American accent. Cora quickly reminds him that, despite her weird hybrid accent, she is an American! Again, art dude or Jamaica; you have options, Cora!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary announces that she is going to take over Branson's former duties and everyone gets into a debate about whether women are capable of doing stuff. Robert has changed his tone from outright misogynist to pretend feminist: \"Long live women's rights and all that, but it's not a good idea to take on a job that wears you out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel brings up the hospital fight again in front of everyone. Both the Countess and I are appalled at her lack of manners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Patmore tries to broach the uncomfortable naked fornication subject. It's a shame Salt 'n' Pepa's \"Let's Talk About Sex\" wasn't written yet. That could have helped things along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore finally gets around to kind of sort of bringing it up: \"Do you expect to share your…way of life?\" And thus, she wins the award for best euphemism for a penis ever uttered. As if we could love her any more, she then takes a shot of port and gets the hell out of there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Robert whine about downsizing. Boo hoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the sitting room, Edith mentions going to London and maybe setting up her own apartment there. One second after she leaves the room, Mary lets one fly: \"Edith, alone on the town, what will she get up to?\" I wish these two would duel and get it over with. Maybe it would even inspire a super popular \u003cem>Hamilton\u003c/em>-esque musical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore are speaking in code about sex again, when Blackmail Girl interrupts. All these servants and no one is serving as a bouncer? Who let homegirl in?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, she wants to deliver something to Mary herself and Mrs. Hughes rightly says \"We don't know you\" as shadily \u003ca href=\"http://logoonline.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:newnownext.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/mariah-gif-1442374580.0.gif\" target=\"_blank\">as Mariah Carey would\u003c/a>, but the blackmailer makes it happen because Mrs. Hughes is busy thinking about Carson's \"way of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Up in Mary's room, Blackmail Girl says a bunch of rude things, while eating a bit of Mary's toast. Then, she THROWS THE PIECE OF TOAST DOWN REALLY HARD! I was so scandalized, I gasped. Did you? Mary calls the woman \"revolting\" and has Anna, who isn't crying for once (!), escort her out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village doctor's office, he and cousin Isobel disagree some more on the hospital crisis. He asks, \"Do you not care?\" I'll answer for all of us and say, Not even a little bit. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Mr. Carson's office, a police officer tells Anna and Bates that some woman has confessed to the murder of the rapist, but that they're not in the clear just yet. Bates is pissed that he told them at all, which means that this police dude has a 82% chance of ending up mysteriously dead before the season is up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Carson tells Robert about the eviction of Daisy's father-in-law (remember she married that dying guy even though she was totally just not that into him way back?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson runs into his fiancé and calls her Mrs. Hughes, as he always does. She suggests he start calling her Elsie. He says, nope, and then presses her to set the date. She refuses and gets the hell away from the gross naked body underneath his clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager's maid, Denker, shows up and stirs the pot by telling everyone they're probably getting laid off. Everyone hates her and her weird eyebrows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert confirms that yes, Daisy's father-in-law is probably being evicted. Ah, glad that's settled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's pad, Denker is now telling Spratt, the butler, that he's probably going to be laid off. The Dowager enters and asks Spratt to let the cook know she's ready for dinner. Spratt falls right into Denker's trap by going all Tourette's and blurting out, \"I will, although you could have rang for her yourself!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager whips around and has him beheaded on the spot. Well, actually she just says \"I beg your pardon?!\" in an outraged old lady sort of way, but it's basically the same thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna tells Mary about how much she wanted to slap the blackmailer. Yes, Anna, less crying, more revenge!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's pantry, Mrs. Patmore and Carson finally start talking about sex, albeit only through euphemisms. Carson must decide between sexless companionship or hanging from the chandeliers. Which will it be?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Anna feels like a loser for being barren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Carson decides that yes, he does want to have naked sex. Mrs. Patmore says she hopes he gets to have sex soon and goes off to relay the message to Mrs. Hughes. Wow, hooking up pre-Tinder was super involved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt tattles on Denker because the \"snitches get stitches\" aphorism wasn't invented yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy shares her plans to attend her father-in-law's former landlord's auction by riding in the front of one of the Downton carriages. Mrs. Patmore says Mr. Carson won't allow it and Daisy responds, \"Even Mr. Carson can't always have his own way.\" Yes, Daisy, you immortal, ageless beauty, do whatever you want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, Blackmail Girl is back. Molesley lets her right in 'cause, again, he sucks at life. Carson is over her too and tries to kick her out, but she worms her way in again. After a nuclear holocaust, all that will be left is cockroaches, Cher and Blackmail Girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith tells her aunt that she's met Virginia Woolf before. Way to bury the lead, Edith! I knew you were cool! Her aunt thinks so too and asks if she wants to spend the rest of her life hanging around Downton \"being sniped at by Mary\" or if she wants to be a hipster in London. Be a hipster, Edith! Become Virginia Woolf's publisher and lover 'cause being with men hasn't been really working out for you so far. Lest we forget that burn victim you crushed on who was also your maladjusted cousin or whatever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary comes home to find Blackmail Girl hanging out with her Papa. He pays her off, against Mary's wishes, and BG leaves in a cloud of insults (if it was 2014, I would say \"Bye, Felicia!\" but I can't anymore because 2015 happened so I'll just leave it at \"Bye\").\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert proceed to talk about her sex vacation in a much more straightforward manner than Mr. Carson and Mrs. Patmore did earlier. \u003cem>Papa, I had to know if he was bad at sex before I married him and he was!\u003c/em> she said (in so many words).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Plot twist:\u003c/strong> Robert did something awesome for a change! He only paid Blackmail Girl 50 pounds and made her sign a confession! And then he said he believes Mary can run the estate, despite her ovaries! Huzzah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes is still not sure if she wants to have sex or not. Good grief, girl, just do it. You'll like it. Unless you don't (see: Mary's sex vacation).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Crawleys are leaving for the auction. Edith alludes to leaving Yorkshire to become a Bloomsbury hipster. Mary is at a loss for words 'cause she's probably mad she didn't think of it first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson randomly ignores Thomas, inspiring another one of Thomas' one-beat-too-long stares and smiles. He's totally going to kill all of these people someday soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, cousin Isobel talks about the hospital situatio….zzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, nodded off there for a second, where was I?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager off-handedly tells Denker she will miss her, although nothing is yet settled. Denker waits until she's in the hallway to die a little inside. The Dowager then shares some advice on how to be a boss with cousin Isobel: \"Sometimes, it's good to rule by fear.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the auction, the Crawleys chat with the sad sack who has to sell all his stuff and move to a small hole in London. He warns ominously not to hang on so long that they lose everything. Edith is like, \u003cem>Right on!\u003c/em> 'cause she's moving soon and no longer gives a damn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, Daisy and her father-in-law, whose family lived and worked at this place for generations, gawk at all the rich people's things…until Daisy finds the new owner who is kicking her father-in-law out and loudly lets him have it. What all that book learnin' has wrought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Edith keep trying to stop her from speaking, but she has \u003ca href=\"https://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq5g36IMra1qijqv8o1_250.gif\" target=\"_blank\">something to say\u003c/a>! \u003cstrong>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/strong> The proletariat rules, the aristocracy drools. This does not go over well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy worries aloud about how she's probably going to get fired, but everyone is like, \u003cem>Shut up, the police officer is back! \u003c/em>He tells everyone that the confession has been confirmed. Anna is officially a free woman!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Crawleys run downstairs to pop some bottles. They even get out the gramophone! Everyone does the 1925 version of twerking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna is excited and all, but she brings up her inability to have babies again 'cause she's gotten used to always being distraught over something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson finds Cora and Robert, asks if he should fire Daisy and compares what she did to Guy Fawkes blowing up Parliament. Those two incidents are exactly the same; you're right, Carson. Ugh, I hope he never ends up having sex. Thankfully, Cora and Robert respond with a tepid \u003cem>meh\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson finally talk about sex and agree to do it, even though Carson doesn't deserve it. \"If you want me, you can have me, warts and all,\" she says. Then, they make out…using their lips!…zero foreheads involved! Good for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Blackmail Girl/Not Sybil: \u003c/strong>Better luck next time, loitering jerk. P.S. You're probably going to hell for throwing that piece of toast like that. Hope you packed sunblock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Isis:\u003c/strong> The \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> producers are gonna have to find more dogs than that, if they want us to forget you, old friend (impossible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy: \u003c/strong>Tell it, sister! And stay in school!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> For knowing Virginia Woolf and planning on moving out. Your day in the sun has come at last (or has it?)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> We would all be so lucky to have a bestie like you. Talking to Carson, the stodgiest person ever to live, about boinking? That's immediate first place status. A Nobel Peace Prize isn't out of the question either. Take note, other Downton denizens!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/22/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-8-recap-london-calling/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 8 Recap: London Calling\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>Piano keys plink dramatically, a bell tolls, a single rose petal falls, a feather duster flirts with a chandelier: all portents of the final season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a soap opera we all didn’t have to feel bad about watching because of the vaguely historical storylines and the fancy British accents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forget everything that happened last year? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Refresh your memory\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nWonder how I think everything should end? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\" target=\"_blank\">Read up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone else, let’s do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A crazy amount of dogs follow white dudes in fancy red coats and top hats on horseback. Right off the bat, the \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> producers are trying to make up for killing Isis, the only dog that matters. This will not work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas carries a tray of goblets out to the red coats. Maybe one of them will be his new rich love interest and he’ll finally have the means to quit this dumb job and live happily ever after? Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He passes a drink to Mary, who is wearing a bowler hat and a black coat and \u003cstrong>NOT\u003c/strong> riding side-saddle like a proper, demure lady, because, ever since her sex vacation last season, she doesn’t really give a you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sad, overwhelmed Molesley comes outside and all the dogs immediately sniff out his desperation and start barking at him. Per usual, Molesley sucks at life and comes *this close* to dropping everything on his tray. Carson raises an eyebrow at him that translates to: \u003cem>How in the world have I not fired you yet?!\u003c/em> That’s a really good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A woman in a hat approaches Downton. Let it be Sybil! Maybe she faked her own death to get a break from all her nosy relatives and travel the world or become a progressive politician or something? I don’t care how outlandish the story, I just want Sybil back! #MakeItRightJulianFellowes #BringBackTheHaremPants #StandAgainstPreeclampsia\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora Crawley reminds her husband, Robert, that he probably shouldn’t bail on some important board meeting in order to go hunting. Robert, who has learned nothing from his long history of screwing up business transactions and losing much of the family’s fortune, is like, \u003cem>Whatever, mom!\u003c/em> and gallops off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora should have listened to me last season when I screamed at her through my computer screen: STAY WITH THE ART DUDE! OR GO TO JAMAICA AND GET YOUR GROOVE BACK! ANYTHING BUT THIS!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert notice the woman in the hat and wonder who she is. She doesn’t look like Sybil so who cares.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert gives Mary a hard time for not being \"graceful\" and riding side-saddle because it’s only been 2 minutes and we need a reminder that he represents ye olde patriarchy. Mary is not having any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s 1925. Remember when the show started with\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/12/17/titanic-turns-18-what-you-dont-know-about-the-film/\" target=\"_blank\"> the Titanic\u003c/a> sinking? That was 1912, which means that it’s supposedly been 13 years (math!) since we first met these characters. Even Maggie Smith \u003ca href=\"http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2013/03/maggie-smith-downton-abbey-dowager-countess\" target=\"_blank\">has wondered\u003c/a> how the Dowager Countess is still alive. I'm not concerned with that because the answer’s easy; a being as perfect as that is clearly an immortal goddess dating back to ancient Egypt. What I do wonder is: why is Daisy still basically a baby? Also immortal?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson talks to Not Sybil, who's still loitering. I have no idea what in the world they’re talking about. Intrigue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith’s kids watch Mrs. Patmore bake. One of them speaks (a first!) and asks to lick the bowl. Eventually, the subject will shift from how delicious cake batter is to how the nearly constant absence of their parents contributed to their inability to accept love or engage in any meaningful intimacy. Hopefully the family still has money for all those therapist bills by then (not likely, if Grandpa Robert keeps bailing on meetings to futz around in the woods).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Thomas talk about how nice (i.e. cute) the new footman, Andy, is. Then, Mrs. Hughes basically warns Thomas not to get an unrequited crush on this one. He stares at her with a weird smile for a beat too long, which means he’s fantasizing about killing her for saying that, but he snaps out of it in order to give baby George a piggy back ride 'cause why not?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy asks Mrs. Hughes if she’s set a wedding date yet. She hasn’t because Carson only really kisses her on the forehead and a woman has needs. (I may have inferred a great deal of this.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mrs. Patmore finds Mrs. Hughes for some real talk. Mrs. Hughes pretends nothing is wrong and Mrs. Patmore gives her a \u003cem>girl, please\u003c/em> look. Turns out I was wrong about Mrs. Hughes wanting more than forehead kisses. She is really freaked out about having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore brings in reason: \"There's nothing so terrible about it, is there?\" But then she keeps talking: \"…so they say…I wouldn't know, of course.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you mean to tell me Mrs. Patmore, who is easily pushing 60, has never ever had sex?! Hurry up, Women's Lib!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes thinks her \"late middle age\" body is repulsive and prefers the idea of living like \"a very loving brother and sister\" to Carson ever seeing her naked. Mrs. Patmore points out that Carson's body is probably pretty gross too. Mrs. Hughes agrees and momentarily feels better, before asking Mrs. Patmore to go iron this whole naked sex arrangement out with Carson. Now \u003cem>that's\u003c/em> a friend!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the stairwell, Mrs. Patmore runs into Anna, who is crying because that's all her body knows how to do. I wish she would make a pro/con list about her marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pro:\u003c/strong> he's kind of cute, if you're into that sort of thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Con:\u003c/strong> he's maybe murdered two different people, is always grumpy, scares potential friends away, talks a big game, but can't back it up, etc. etc. etc.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out in the woods, Not Sybil is loitering again. Get a hobby already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary spots her and instantly falls off her horse into the mud. Her dad is kind of worried, but had suspected Mary would be taken down, one way or another, by the un-feminine way she was riding. Not Sybil looks pleased and evil in the distance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, some insecure editor dude is yelling at Edith over the phone. He apparently doesn't like working for a woman. Cora suggests she just sell the business and go back to just sitting around. Edith is like nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the board meeting, Dowager Countess and cousin Isobel are fighting again (so much for all that ya-ya sisterhood last season). Some big hospital wants to buy their little village hospital. Countess wants to retain control. Isobel thinks it would be better for the patients if they were to hand it over. Isobel's former suitor (you remember, the one with those jerk sons) tells her he's glad they agree. Isobel replies by singing the chorus of Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary returns home to find Not Sybil lurking in the bushes. She's had enough and confronts the mystery lady. Turns out she's a chambermaid from the hotel where Mary had her sex vacation. Well, damn!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She allegedly has\u003ca href=\"http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcspb0ZJ3C1qfqdfr.gif\" target=\"_blank\"> receipts\u003c/a> to prove that Mary is a whore and wants money to keep quiet. Mary says that this isn't the first time someone's tried to blackmail her and walks away in the rain. Not Sybil But A Blackmailing Chambermaid keeps spewing threats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can we just skip this storyline? It's the final season. Let's spend it worrying about more important things like getting Mrs. Patmore laid and figuring out a way for Edith to kill some Nazis for probably killing her baby daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the servants' rec room or whatever, Anna is still being a downer. Meanwhile, Thomas is tired from giving baby Marigold piggy back rides all day. Is he grooming these children to be his accomplices since none of the other servants are evil these days?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesely says something like, \u003cem>Gosh, how great that Lady Edith found this random pauper baby in the village and wants to give her a better life!\u003c/em> So simple and gullible. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room upstairs, Robert and Carson complain about how the servant to rich person ratio is going down. Robert then proceeds to condescendingly lecture Carson about how you can’t resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna and Mary talk about the blackmailer and the latest in Anna's court case (she's on bail for now) before talking about what's really important: whatever will they do about Mary's wet hair?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-shining room (if Tori Spelling's mom can have \u003ca href=\"http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2009/galleries/candyspelling/candy_spelling2.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">a whole room dedicated to gift-wrapping\u003c/a>, the Crawleys can have one for this, okay?), Bates tries to figure out why Anna is sad. She insists that she's fine…and then bursts into sobs. She had a miscarriage. Did a woman who's married to a creepy bore and is currently on bail for maybe killing her rapist really need another adversity, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, the family speaks of Tom Branson (come back!). He's found a flat in Boston and Sybbie likes her new school. Robert uses this news as an opportunity to diss the American accent. Cora quickly reminds him that, despite her weird hybrid accent, she is an American! Again, art dude or Jamaica; you have options, Cora!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary announces that she is going to take over Branson's former duties and everyone gets into a debate about whether women are capable of doing stuff. Robert has changed his tone from outright misogynist to pretend feminist: \"Long live women's rights and all that, but it's not a good idea to take on a job that wears you out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel brings up the hospital fight again in front of everyone. Both the Countess and I are appalled at her lack of manners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Patmore tries to broach the uncomfortable naked fornication subject. It's a shame Salt 'n' Pepa's \"Let's Talk About Sex\" wasn't written yet. That could have helped things along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore finally gets around to kind of sort of bringing it up: \"Do you expect to share your…way of life?\" And thus, she wins the award for best euphemism for a penis ever uttered. As if we could love her any more, she then takes a shot of port and gets the hell out of there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Robert whine about downsizing. Boo hoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the sitting room, Edith mentions going to London and maybe setting up her own apartment there. One second after she leaves the room, Mary lets one fly: \"Edith, alone on the town, what will she get up to?\" I wish these two would duel and get it over with. Maybe it would even inspire a super popular \u003cem>Hamilton\u003c/em>-esque musical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore are speaking in code about sex again, when Blackmail Girl interrupts. All these servants and no one is serving as a bouncer? Who let homegirl in?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, she wants to deliver something to Mary herself and Mrs. Hughes rightly says \"We don't know you\" as shadily \u003ca href=\"http://logoonline.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:newnownext.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/mariah-gif-1442374580.0.gif\" target=\"_blank\">as Mariah Carey would\u003c/a>, but the blackmailer makes it happen because Mrs. Hughes is busy thinking about Carson's \"way of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Up in Mary's room, Blackmail Girl says a bunch of rude things, while eating a bit of Mary's toast. Then, she THROWS THE PIECE OF TOAST DOWN REALLY HARD! I was so scandalized, I gasped. Did you? Mary calls the woman \"revolting\" and has Anna, who isn't crying for once (!), escort her out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village doctor's office, he and cousin Isobel disagree some more on the hospital crisis. He asks, \"Do you not care?\" I'll answer for all of us and say, Not even a little bit. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Mr. Carson's office, a police officer tells Anna and Bates that some woman has confessed to the murder of the rapist, but that they're not in the clear just yet. Bates is pissed that he told them at all, which means that this police dude has a 82% chance of ending up mysteriously dead before the season is up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Carson tells Robert about the eviction of Daisy's father-in-law (remember she married that dying guy even though she was totally just not that into him way back?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson runs into his fiancé and calls her Mrs. Hughes, as he always does. She suggests he start calling her Elsie. He says, nope, and then presses her to set the date. She refuses and gets the hell away from the gross naked body underneath his clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager's maid, Denker, shows up and stirs the pot by telling everyone they're probably getting laid off. Everyone hates her and her weird eyebrows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert confirms that yes, Daisy's father-in-law is probably being evicted. Ah, glad that's settled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's pad, Denker is now telling Spratt, the butler, that he's probably going to be laid off. The Dowager enters and asks Spratt to let the cook know she's ready for dinner. Spratt falls right into Denker's trap by going all Tourette's and blurting out, \"I will, although you could have rang for her yourself!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager whips around and has him beheaded on the spot. Well, actually she just says \"I beg your pardon?!\" in an outraged old lady sort of way, but it's basically the same thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna tells Mary about how much she wanted to slap the blackmailer. Yes, Anna, less crying, more revenge!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's pantry, Mrs. Patmore and Carson finally start talking about sex, albeit only through euphemisms. Carson must decide between sexless companionship or hanging from the chandeliers. Which will it be?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Anna feels like a loser for being barren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Carson decides that yes, he does want to have naked sex. Mrs. Patmore says she hopes he gets to have sex soon and goes off to relay the message to Mrs. Hughes. Wow, hooking up pre-Tinder was super involved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt tattles on Denker because the \"snitches get stitches\" aphorism wasn't invented yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy shares her plans to attend her father-in-law's former landlord's auction by riding in the front of one of the Downton carriages. Mrs. Patmore says Mr. Carson won't allow it and Daisy responds, \"Even Mr. Carson can't always have his own way.\" Yes, Daisy, you immortal, ageless beauty, do whatever you want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, Blackmail Girl is back. Molesley lets her right in 'cause, again, he sucks at life. Carson is over her too and tries to kick her out, but she worms her way in again. After a nuclear holocaust, all that will be left is cockroaches, Cher and Blackmail Girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith tells her aunt that she's met Virginia Woolf before. Way to bury the lead, Edith! I knew you were cool! Her aunt thinks so too and asks if she wants to spend the rest of her life hanging around Downton \"being sniped at by Mary\" or if she wants to be a hipster in London. Be a hipster, Edith! Become Virginia Woolf's publisher and lover 'cause being with men hasn't been really working out for you so far. Lest we forget that burn victim you crushed on who was also your maladjusted cousin or whatever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary comes home to find Blackmail Girl hanging out with her Papa. He pays her off, against Mary's wishes, and BG leaves in a cloud of insults (if it was 2014, I would say \"Bye, Felicia!\" but I can't anymore because 2015 happened so I'll just leave it at \"Bye\").\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert proceed to talk about her sex vacation in a much more straightforward manner than Mr. Carson and Mrs. Patmore did earlier. \u003cem>Papa, I had to know if he was bad at sex before I married him and he was!\u003c/em> she said (in so many words).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Plot twist:\u003c/strong> Robert did something awesome for a change! He only paid Blackmail Girl 50 pounds and made her sign a confession! And then he said he believes Mary can run the estate, despite her ovaries! Huzzah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes is still not sure if she wants to have sex or not. Good grief, girl, just do it. You'll like it. Unless you don't (see: Mary's sex vacation).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Crawleys are leaving for the auction. Edith alludes to leaving Yorkshire to become a Bloomsbury hipster. Mary is at a loss for words 'cause she's probably mad she didn't think of it first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson randomly ignores Thomas, inspiring another one of Thomas' one-beat-too-long stares and smiles. He's totally going to kill all of these people someday soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, cousin Isobel talks about the hospital situatio….zzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, nodded off there for a second, where was I?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager off-handedly tells Denker she will miss her, although nothing is yet settled. Denker waits until she's in the hallway to die a little inside. The Dowager then shares some advice on how to be a boss with cousin Isobel: \"Sometimes, it's good to rule by fear.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the auction, the Crawleys chat with the sad sack who has to sell all his stuff and move to a small hole in London. He warns ominously not to hang on so long that they lose everything. Edith is like, \u003cem>Right on!\u003c/em> 'cause she's moving soon and no longer gives a damn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, Daisy and her father-in-law, whose family lived and worked at this place for generations, gawk at all the rich people's things…until Daisy finds the new owner who is kicking her father-in-law out and loudly lets him have it. What all that book learnin' has wrought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Edith keep trying to stop her from speaking, but she has \u003ca href=\"https://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq5g36IMra1qijqv8o1_250.gif\" target=\"_blank\">something to say\u003c/a>! \u003cstrong>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/strong> The proletariat rules, the aristocracy drools. This does not go over well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy worries aloud about how she's probably going to get fired, but everyone is like, \u003cem>Shut up, the police officer is back! \u003c/em>He tells everyone that the confession has been confirmed. Anna is officially a free woman!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Crawleys run downstairs to pop some bottles. They even get out the gramophone! Everyone does the 1925 version of twerking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna is excited and all, but she brings up her inability to have babies again 'cause she's gotten used to always being distraught over something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson finds Cora and Robert, asks if he should fire Daisy and compares what she did to Guy Fawkes blowing up Parliament. Those two incidents are exactly the same; you're right, Carson. Ugh, I hope he never ends up having sex. Thankfully, Cora and Robert respond with a tepid \u003cem>meh\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson finally talk about sex and agree to do it, even though Carson doesn't deserve it. \"If you want me, you can have me, warts and all,\" she says. Then, they make out…using their lips!…zero foreheads involved! Good for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Blackmail Girl/Not Sybil: \u003c/strong>Better luck next time, loitering jerk. P.S. You're probably going to hell for throwing that piece of toast like that. Hope you packed sunblock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Isis:\u003c/strong> The \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> producers are gonna have to find more dogs than that, if they want us to forget you, old friend (impossible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy: \u003c/strong>Tell it, sister! And stay in school!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> For knowing Virginia Woolf and planning on moving out. Your day in the sun has come at last (or has it?)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> We would all be so lucky to have a bestie like you. Talking to Carson, the stodgiest person ever to live, about boinking? That's immediate first place status. A Nobel Peace Prize isn't out of the question either. Take note, other Downton denizens!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/22/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-8-recap-london-calling/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 8 Recap: London Calling\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "The 'Downton Abbey' Final Season Trailer Is Here So We Live Blogged It",
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"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"bBgbQ7vRvQX3KGtBSFThqVyrn9e0NWRm\"]The trailer for the very last season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> has landed! This is an historic moment and the end of an era so what better way to experience it than with a live blog of this single minute preview?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPwaCjE8DcY\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:01: Only took one second to get to the mournful piano keys. Gird yourselves!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:03: Carson is packing a suitcase! Where will he go? Probably Hollywood, where he will pitch the idea for a sitcom about the travails of an out-of-place British butler ;v must change with the times. The show will be titled \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IUSSrldd0U\" target=\"_blank\">Mr. Belvedere\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and run for six seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:07: Lord Grantham condescendingly lectures Carson about how you can't resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:10: The producers obviously told this musician to get as close to that sad, one-eyed dog Sarah McLachlan song as possible. \u003cem>We want all the feels!\u003c/em> they probably yelled. They could have saved time and just used this Green Day song:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=40&v=CnQ8N1KacJc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:14: Thomas walks through an empty room. If the Crawleys aren't already bankrupt, they will be after what's sure to be a massive U-Haul bill. All those famous paintings and their gilded frames, the ornate rugs, the canopy beds! Not to mention that huge gramophone that really pissed off the Dowager that one time!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:15: Lady Mary and Daisy turn and are really surprised...like Beyonce-just-dropped-a-whole-album-with-music-videos-on-a-quiet-Friday-night surprised. Maybe Sybil walked in wearing whatever 1927's version of harem pants is and everything that \"happened\" after her \"death\" was a preeclampsia fever dream? Make it right, Julian Fellowes, make it right!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:17: Thomas opens a door and seems really over it all. All that meddling and scheming and lurking and he's still stuck in a job he hates without a make out buddy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:19: The father of Daisy's late sort-of husband hugs her while looking at the stone house that will now be hers. Dear kids, stay in school...and be too polite to say \"yeah, no\" when a dying guy you've gone on zero dates with asks you to marry him. You'll get a cute rent-controlled place out of it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:20: Lady Edith is wearing gems on her forehead! I also spy a lemon twist in a half-empty cocktail glass. So I'm going to assume the writers have had their fill of making her utterly miserable and are going to let her drink gin and flirt and stop sobbing in corners. Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:22: Anna smiles because her Debbie Downer husband isn't around. We smile too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:23: Mrs. Patmore dances in the kitchen with a cop because she deserves a break.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:24: Mrs. Hughes smiles because Anna's Debbie Downer husband isn't around. We smile again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:25: Carson weirdly pets a bedspread.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:29: Anna attempts to have a heart-to-heart with Mary. Mary cannot oblige because she is a sociopath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:32: There's a net connected to Mary's bowler hat. It's raining. Mary gets wet, while walking with a purpose. She knows what she must do: she must kill her annoying sister.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:33: Why did it take 33 seconds to get a shot of Maggie Smith? If they want us to watch, the first 33 seconds should have just been the Dowager eating soup really primly or rolling her eyes at loud birds or something. Know your audience!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:35: Carson kisses Mrs. Hughes...on the forehead. At this rate, one of them will die before they get around to having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:37: Daisy is still super stoked about the house she got out of pretending to be in love with a dead person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:38: Anna's Debbie Downer husband is back. Her smile is replaced with sobbing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:40: Someone drives recklessly. Haven't we learned anything from Matthew's sudden demise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:41: Thomas walks in on the new guy doing something weird and maybe sexual. Oo la la!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:42: The servants are at church ceremony. Thomas and new guy get married?! Nope, gotta wait approximately 100 years for that one. It's probably Mrs. Hughes and Carson. You should have dated a little before you committed to a lifetime of forehead kisses, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:44: Mary feels an emotion! Or maybe she's just mocking Edith again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:45: The babies run adorably. Sybbie is in America though so we don't care that much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:46: I knew the forehead jewels and cocktails wouldn't last. Edith is distraught again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:47: Daisy finds out some really good gossip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:49: The Dowager makes a cute face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:52: The Crawleys get out of their cars and look up at what's probably their new digs. Smaller circular driveway off of a major road (can you imagine?!) and probably a smaller moat too. Hard times.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:56: A British lady reminds us that people in the UK will be able to watch the new season starting in September, while all of us Yanks have to wait 'til 2016. All these years later and this arrangement still makes zero sense. And this is the final time we get to complain about it so make it good!\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>The trailer for the very last season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> has landed! This is an historic moment and the end of an era so what better way to experience it than with a live blog of this single minute preview?\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/WPwaCjE8DcY'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/WPwaCjE8DcY'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>0:01: Only took one second to get to the mournful piano keys. Gird yourselves!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:03: Carson is packing a suitcase! Where will he go? Probably Hollywood, where he will pitch the idea for a sitcom about the travails of an out-of-place British butler ;v must change with the times. The show will be titled \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IUSSrldd0U\" target=\"_blank\">Mr. Belvedere\u003c/a>\u003c/em> and run for six seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:07: Lord Grantham condescendingly lectures Carson about how you can't resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:10: The producers obviously told this musician to get as close to that sad, one-eyed dog Sarah McLachlan song as possible. \u003cem>We want all the feels!\u003c/em> they probably yelled. They could have saved time and just used this Green Day song:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/CnQ8N1KacJc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/CnQ8N1KacJc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>0:14: Thomas walks through an empty room. If the Crawleys aren't already bankrupt, they will be after what's sure to be a massive U-Haul bill. All those famous paintings and their gilded frames, the ornate rugs, the canopy beds! Not to mention that huge gramophone that really pissed off the Dowager that one time!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:15: Lady Mary and Daisy turn and are really surprised...like Beyonce-just-dropped-a-whole-album-with-music-videos-on-a-quiet-Friday-night surprised. Maybe Sybil walked in wearing whatever 1927's version of harem pants is and everything that \"happened\" after her \"death\" was a preeclampsia fever dream? Make it right, Julian Fellowes, make it right!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:17: Thomas opens a door and seems really over it all. All that meddling and scheming and lurking and he's still stuck in a job he hates without a make out buddy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:19: The father of Daisy's late sort-of husband hugs her while looking at the stone house that will now be hers. Dear kids, stay in school...and be too polite to say \"yeah, no\" when a dying guy you've gone on zero dates with asks you to marry him. You'll get a cute rent-controlled place out of it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:20: Lady Edith is wearing gems on her forehead! I also spy a lemon twist in a half-empty cocktail glass. So I'm going to assume the writers have had their fill of making her utterly miserable and are going to let her drink gin and flirt and stop sobbing in corners. Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:22: Anna smiles because her Debbie Downer husband isn't around. We smile too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:23: Mrs. Patmore dances in the kitchen with a cop because she deserves a break.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:24: Mrs. Hughes smiles because Anna's Debbie Downer husband isn't around. We smile again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:25: Carson weirdly pets a bedspread.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:29: Anna attempts to have a heart-to-heart with Mary. Mary cannot oblige because she is a sociopath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:32: There's a net connected to Mary's bowler hat. It's raining. Mary gets wet, while walking with a purpose. She knows what she must do: she must kill her annoying sister.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:33: Why did it take 33 seconds to get a shot of Maggie Smith? If they want us to watch, the first 33 seconds should have just been the Dowager eating soup really primly or rolling her eyes at loud birds or something. Know your audience!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:35: Carson kisses Mrs. Hughes...on the forehead. At this rate, one of them will die before they get around to having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:37: Daisy is still super stoked about the house she got out of pretending to be in love with a dead person.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:38: Anna's Debbie Downer husband is back. Her smile is replaced with sobbing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:40: Someone drives recklessly. Haven't we learned anything from Matthew's sudden demise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:41: Thomas walks in on the new guy doing something weird and maybe sexual. Oo la la!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:42: The servants are at church ceremony. Thomas and new guy get married?! Nope, gotta wait approximately 100 years for that one. It's probably Mrs. Hughes and Carson. You should have dated a little before you committed to a lifetime of forehead kisses, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:44: Mary feels an emotion! Or maybe she's just mocking Edith again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:45: The babies run adorably. Sybbie is in America though so we don't care that much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:46: I knew the forehead jewels and cocktails wouldn't last. Edith is distraught again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:47: Daisy finds out some really good gossip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:49: The Dowager makes a cute face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:52: The Crawleys get out of their cars and look up at what's probably their new digs. Smaller circular driveway off of a major road (can you imagine?!) and probably a smaller moat too. Hard times.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:56: A British lady reminds us that people in the UK will be able to watch the new season starting in September, while all of us Yanks have to wait 'til 2016. All these years later and this arrangement still makes zero sense. And this is the final time we get to complain about it so make it good!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "Downton Abbey: Let’s Wildly Speculate about the First Photos from the 6th and Final Season!",
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"content": "\u003cp>In case you were in deep denial about \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> coming to an end after its upcoming sixth and final season, the press photo above should bring it home for you. The sun is literally setting on Downton! And this isn't the only sneak peek into what's in store. Carnival Film & Television Ltd also released a handful of other new photos. Let's overanalyze them!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But before we move on from the cast photo, can we pour one out for the people not pictured? Branson and baby Sybbie are in America. So is Rose and her new Jewish husband, presumably. And, as always, R.I.P. Sybil and Isis, the dog (*cue Elton John's \"Candle in the Wind\"*).\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17623\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17623\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest of them all? \u003cem>You, duh\u003c/em>, the mirror likely replies. The Dowager \u003cem>is\u003c/em> this show. Everyone else is just decoration. She's obviously practicing her angles here or thinking about that flirty Russian or maybe this is the Mirror of Erised from \u003cem>Harry Potter\u003c/em> (you know, the one that shows one's truest desires). She sees herself because what more could she want than to continue being her bad ass self?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17624\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17624\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Edith smiles through the pain for another year, while secretly plotting to torch the Abbey with everyone in it. Mary also is secretly plotting to do the same thing. Meanwhile, Cora smiles, thinking about getting a divorce and going to find that artsy London dude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17625\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17625\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Ladies Night 1927! This friendship is a precursor to \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoQwdzKm7hk\" target=\"_blank\">Lil Kim's opus \"Ladies Night.\"\u003c/a> Women supporting each other and talking about their dreams instead of men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17626\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17626\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lord Grantham's storyline this year will be what it always is: Waaaahhh, having a trust fund is hard, I feel oppressed and grumpy! Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17627\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17627\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Look at this I-don't-need-a-man-or-his-bratty-sons-to-be-happy empowerment! Every time Beyonce sings \"All the women who independent, throw your hands up at me,\" she's thinking of Isobel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17628\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17628\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lock this saccharine duo up please. Or have them move away to a cute cottage. I don't care, just get them away from me. Sorry, Anna, you are who you hang out with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17629\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17629\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Now here's a couple I can get behind! They're finally dating! What can we expect? Cute scented love notes, excessive hand holding and long ambles through the countryside, to be sure. But maybe also a hot tub scene? Just putting it out into the universe. I have a dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17630\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17630\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x.jpg 805w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Maybe they are using their experience at Downton to play footmen in a Hollywood movie. They're famous and rich and live in LA now! No more toiling! Thomas can find other gays to hang out with! And Molesley can find non-shoe-polish hair dye! Everyone wins. The end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In case you were in deep denial about \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> coming to an end after its upcoming sixth and final season, the press photo above should bring it home for you. The sun is literally setting on Downton! And this isn't the only sneak peek into what's in store. Carnival Film & Television Ltd also released a handful of other new photos. Let's overanalyze them!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But before we move on from the cast photo, can we pour one out for the people not pictured? Branson and baby Sybbie are in America. So is Rose and her new Jewish husband, presumably. And, as always, R.I.P. Sybil and Isis, the dog (*cue Elton John's \"Candle in the Wind\"*).\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17623\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17623\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-violet.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest of them all? \u003cem>You, duh\u003c/em>, the mirror likely replies. The Dowager \u003cem>is\u003c/em> this show. Everyone else is just decoration. She's obviously practicing her angles here or thinking about that flirty Russian or maybe this is the Mirror of Erised from \u003cem>Harry Potter\u003c/em> (you know, the one that shows one's truest desires). She sees herself because what more could she want than to continue being her bad ass self?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17624\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17624\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-edith.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Edith smiles through the pain for another year, while secretly plotting to torch the Abbey with everyone in it. Mary also is secretly plotting to do the same thing. Meanwhile, Cora smiles, thinking about getting a divorce and going to find that artsy London dude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17625\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17625\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-hughes.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Ladies Night 1927! This friendship is a precursor to \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoQwdzKm7hk\" target=\"_blank\">Lil Kim's opus \"Ladies Night.\"\u003c/a> Women supporting each other and talking about their dreams instead of men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17626\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17626\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-robert.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lord Grantham's storyline this year will be what it always is: Waaaahhh, having a trust fund is hard, I feel oppressed and grumpy! Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17627\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17627\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-isobel.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Look at this I-don't-need-a-man-or-his-bratty-sons-to-be-happy empowerment! Every time Beyonce sings \"All the women who independent, throw your hands up at me,\" she's thinking of Isobel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17628\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17628\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-annabates.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Lock this saccharine duo up please. Or have them move away to a cute cottage. I don't care, just get them away from me. Sorry, Anna, you are who you hang out with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17629\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17629\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x-400x267.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-carter.w1847.h1231.2x.jpg 804w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Now here's a couple I can get behind! They're finally dating! What can we expect? Cute scented love notes, excessive hand holding and long ambles through the countryside, to be sure. But maybe also a hot tub scene? Just putting it out into the universe. I have a dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_17630\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-17630\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-800x533.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-800x533.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/08/13-downton-barrow.w529.h352.2x.jpg 805w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Carnival Film & Television Ltd\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Maybe they are using their experience at Downton to play footmen in a Hollywood movie. They're famous and rich and live in LA now! No more toiling! Thomas can find other gays to hang out with! And Molesley can find non-shoe-polish hair dye! Everyone wins. The end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "All The TV Shows That Deserve Their Own Clothing Lines, From Empire to Game of Thrones",
"title": "All The TV Shows That Deserve Their Own Clothing Lines, From Empire to Game of Thrones",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">The tween punk friendly clothing brand Hot Topic recently made a brilliant decision launching an \u003ci>Orphan Black\u003c/i> inspired \u003ca href=\"http://www.avclub.com/article/hot-topic-has-orphan-black-clothing-line-because-c-216986\">clothing line\u003c/a>. Now you can rock Cosmina’s bohemian style or something more hardcore like Helena's. \u003ci>Orphan Black \u003c/i>is not the first television show to get in the clothing game and it won't be the last; there's the \u003ca href=\"http://www.bananarepublic.com/products/mad-men-collection.jsp\">Mad Men collection\u003c/a> with Banana Republic and, thanks to The Limited, we can all feel like \u003ca href=\"http://www.thelimited.com/features/scandal-collection-inspired-by-kerry-washington\">Olivia Pope\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">And why not? For many shows, clothing plays a critical role in setting mood and tone, bringing the creator’s vision to life. You could almost argue that, for a series like \u003ci>Mad Men \u003c/i>in particular, the wardrobe is a character unto itself. So let’s take a moment to see which other beloved shows deserve their own fashion line!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Walking Dead\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15810\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"Walking Dead collage\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the world is dealing with a zombie apocalypse, functionality matters, which is something designer \u003ca href=\"http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/maharishi\">Maharishi \u003c/a>understands very well, as evidenced by its Spring/Summer 2015 line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Empire\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15840\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"empire 3\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the men have very distinct styles of their own (those \u003ca href=\"http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2015/02/03/how-empire-charts-the-rise-of-hip-hop-through-fabulous-fashion/\">\u003cem>scarves\u003c/em>\u003c/a>), Cookie always steals the show with her fierce looks. Now you can get a taste of her chic animal print with these looks from\u003ca href=\"http://www.fashionisers.com/fashion-news/giorgio-armani-spring-summer-2015-collection/\"> Giorgio Armani\u003c/a>'s Spring/Summer 2015 collection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Orange is the New Black\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15809\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"OITNB\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the prisoners of Litchfield Penitentiary are limited in their clothing options, you have to admit they do make orange look good. Agatha Kowalewski and Sarah Schofield, the creators of the Australian clothing line \u003ca href=\"http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/assk-fall-winter\">ASSK\u003c/a>, see the potential of the new neon black.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Fresh Off the Boat\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15834\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"fob\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/05/fresh-off-the-boat-did-abc-do-eddie-huangs-life-story-justice/\">\u003cem>Fresh Off The Boat \u003c/em>has been making waves\u003c/a> for its portrayal of an Asian American family in very suburban Florida. While the comic chops of the cast are worth a watch, so are the super fly fashions of the '90s. Little Eddie Huang swaggers with the best of them with his Notorious B.I.G. tees and track suits, and you can see those influences in \u003ca href=\"http://www.denimjeansobserver.com/mag/2014/06/15/astrid-andersen-2015-spring-summer-london-collections-men-british-fashion-sport-basketball-kimono-robe-apron-kesho-mawashi-sumo-wrestling-boxing-androgyny/\">Astrid Anderson\u003c/a>'s men's Spring/Summer line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Gotham\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15839\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"gotham jps\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's face it,\u003cem> Gotham \u003c/em>is as much a city of heroes as it is of villains, but it seems like the people living in the shadows have the better outfits. If you've been dying to dress like the formidable Fish Mooney, you can check out steampunk inspired looks that make up the \u003ca href=\"http://www.divinecaroline.com/pretty-pack-blog/mathieu-mirano-spring-2014-runway-recap-new-york-fashion-week\">Mathieu Mirano\u003c/a> spring 2014 collection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Downton Abbey\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15836\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"downton collage\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Downton Abbey \u003c/i>is known for its grandeur and sheer luxury, so it makes sense that the king of romance and opulence, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/gallery/2012/oct/02/paris-fashion-week-chanel-valentino\">Valentino\u003c/a>, came out with a line that reflected the best that Downton's era had to offer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Game of Thrones\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-18811\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-800x653.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 3.55.56 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"653\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-800x653.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-400x327.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM.png 801w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There's a lot to love about \u003cem>Game of Thrones. A\u003c/em>side form the drama and conniving characters, the inventive looks of key players like Daenerys is another great reason to tune in. Although characters wear everything including fur from head to toe to scraps of cloth, \u003ca href=\"http://www.paperdroids.com/2012/04/20/fall-2012-collections-inspired-by-sci-fi-or-fantasy/\">Helmut Lang\u003c/a> was able to create some outfits that even we regular people can get a way with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What other shows do you think deserve their own fashion line? Leave your ideas in the comments!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Scandal, Mad Men and Orphan Black already have clothing lines. Here are some other TV shows that deserve the honor.",
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"title": "All The TV Shows That Deserve Their Own Clothing Lines, From Empire to Game of Thrones | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">The tween punk friendly clothing brand Hot Topic recently made a brilliant decision launching an \u003ci>Orphan Black\u003c/i> inspired \u003ca href=\"http://www.avclub.com/article/hot-topic-has-orphan-black-clothing-line-because-c-216986\">clothing line\u003c/a>. Now you can rock Cosmina’s bohemian style or something more hardcore like Helena's. \u003ci>Orphan Black \u003c/i>is not the first television show to get in the clothing game and it won't be the last; there's the \u003ca href=\"http://www.bananarepublic.com/products/mad-men-collection.jsp\">Mad Men collection\u003c/a> with Banana Republic and, thanks to The Limited, we can all feel like \u003ca href=\"http://www.thelimited.com/features/scandal-collection-inspired-by-kerry-washington\">Olivia Pope\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">And why not? For many shows, clothing plays a critical role in setting mood and tone, bringing the creator’s vision to life. You could almost argue that, for a series like \u003ci>Mad Men \u003c/i>in particular, the wardrobe is a character unto itself. So let’s take a moment to see which other beloved shows deserve their own fashion line!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Walking Dead\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15810\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"Walking Dead collage\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Walking-Dead-collage.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When the world is dealing with a zombie apocalypse, functionality matters, which is something designer \u003ca href=\"http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/maharishi\">Maharishi \u003c/a>understands very well, as evidenced by its Spring/Summer 2015 line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Empire\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15840\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"empire 3\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/empire-3.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Although the men have very distinct styles of their own (those \u003ca href=\"http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2015/02/03/how-empire-charts-the-rise-of-hip-hop-through-fabulous-fashion/\">\u003cem>scarves\u003c/em>\u003c/a>), Cookie always steals the show with her fierce looks. Now you can get a taste of her chic animal print with these looks from\u003ca href=\"http://www.fashionisers.com/fashion-news/giorgio-armani-spring-summer-2015-collection/\"> Giorgio Armani\u003c/a>'s Spring/Summer 2015 collection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Orange is the New Black\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15809\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"OITNB\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/OITNB.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While the prisoners of Litchfield Penitentiary are limited in their clothing options, you have to admit they do make orange look good. Agatha Kowalewski and Sarah Schofield, the creators of the Australian clothing line \u003ca href=\"http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/assk-fall-winter\">ASSK\u003c/a>, see the potential of the new neon black.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Fresh Off the Boat\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15834\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"fob\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/fob.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/05/fresh-off-the-boat-did-abc-do-eddie-huangs-life-story-justice/\">\u003cem>Fresh Off The Boat \u003c/em>has been making waves\u003c/a> for its portrayal of an Asian American family in very suburban Florida. While the comic chops of the cast are worth a watch, so are the super fly fashions of the '90s. Little Eddie Huang swaggers with the best of them with his Notorious B.I.G. tees and track suits, and you can see those influences in \u003ca href=\"http://www.denimjeansobserver.com/mag/2014/06/15/astrid-andersen-2015-spring-summer-london-collections-men-british-fashion-sport-basketball-kimono-robe-apron-kesho-mawashi-sumo-wrestling-boxing-androgyny/\">Astrid Anderson\u003c/a>'s men's Spring/Summer line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Gotham\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15839\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"gotham jps\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/gotham-jps.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's face it,\u003cem> Gotham \u003c/em>is as much a city of heroes as it is of villains, but it seems like the people living in the shadows have the better outfits. If you've been dying to dress like the formidable Fish Mooney, you can check out steampunk inspired looks that make up the \u003ca href=\"http://www.divinecaroline.com/pretty-pack-blog/mathieu-mirano-spring-2014-runway-recap-new-york-fashion-week\">Mathieu Mirano\u003c/a> spring 2014 collection.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Downton Abbey\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-15836\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-800x800.jpg\" alt=\"downton collage\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-1440x1440.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-320x320.jpg 320w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage-75x75.jpg 75w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/downton-collage.jpg 2000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Downton Abbey \u003c/i>is known for its grandeur and sheer luxury, so it makes sense that the king of romance and opulence, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/gallery/2012/oct/02/paris-fashion-week-chanel-valentino\">Valentino\u003c/a>, came out with a line that reflected the best that Downton's era had to offer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Game of Thrones\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-18811\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-800x653.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 3.55.56 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"653\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-800x653.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM-400x327.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/04/Screen-Shot-2015-10-30-at-3.55.56-PM.png 801w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There's a lot to love about \u003cem>Game of Thrones. A\u003c/em>side form the drama and conniving characters, the inventive looks of key players like Daenerys is another great reason to tune in. Although characters wear everything including fur from head to toe to scraps of cloth, \u003ca href=\"http://www.paperdroids.com/2012/04/20/fall-2012-collections-inspired-by-sci-fi-or-fantasy/\">Helmut Lang\u003c/a> was able to create some outfits that even we regular people can get a way with.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>What other shows do you think deserve their own fashion line? Leave your ideas in the comments!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Is Officially Over. Here's How It Should End",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Is Officially Over. Here's How It Should End",
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"content": "\u003cp>The rumors were true. Today, \u003ca href=\"http://www.pbs.org/about/news/archive/2015/downton-abbey-season-6-final-season/\">PBS announced\u003c/a> that the next season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> will be its last. We're accustomed to freaking out every time a show we loved at some point is cancelled, but ending \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> is the right thing to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This past season had its moments — Edith's accidental act of arson, Mary's sex positive ways, everything Maggie Smith did or said — but, as a whole, it felt like a trudge and the show's quality was nowhere near what it once was when Sybil was alive and well, showing off her harem pants.. With nothing to lose, Season 6 is a chance to return the show to its former glory. Here are some humble suggestions on what should happen to the characters we have grown to love (and the ones we just put up with):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-14850 size-thumbnail\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton-400x232.jpg\" alt=\"edith-jan-brady-downton\" width=\"400\" height=\"232\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton-400x232.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton.jpg 496w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/a>You might think this show is all about Mary, but you're wrong. The true star is \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>, patron saint of all misunderstood middle children. I see Edith moving to Germany during the lead up to World War II and infiltrating the Nazi party so that she may exact revenge on whoever killed Michael a.k.a. that dude who knocked her up, didn't marry her, and promptly vanished. Edith decides to prove everyone wrong and change the course of history by assassinating Hitler. She inevitably screws it up because she's Edith and is put into a witness protection program under the pseudonym Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of tragic figures, poor \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong> has been pigeon-holed as the evil, miserable gay trope for the past five seasons. I see Thomas taking his spoon and drugs and moving to the big city, where he meets Virginia Woolf, while walking around Bloomsbury. She helps him get clean and begs to set him up on a blind date! \"It's not just because you're both gay!\" she promises. He relents and his blind date is no other than E.M. Forster, famed writer and fellow wistful closet case. Thomas' emo-ness cancels out Forster's emo-ness and they live happily ever after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For once in her life, \u003cstrong>Mary\u003c/strong> doesn't get what she wants. She dies from shock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-14859\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-400x512.jpg\" alt=\"hermione-dowager-downton\" width=\"300\" height=\"384\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-400x512.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-800x1023.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton.jpg 936w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>The Dowager Countess\u003c/strong> gets a very late acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She is outraged by the faux pas, but eventually enrolls. She is sorted into all the houses 'cause she's got it like that. While studying for her Transfiguration exam, she accidentally ends up Benjamin Button-ing herself. She begins to age backwards and, decades later, goes by her nickname Hermione so that no one asks questions about why she knows \u003ca href=\"http://hellogiggles.hellogiggles.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/15/Its-Leviosa-not-leviosar-Hermione-Granger-GIF.gif\">how to correctly pronounce Wingardium Leviosa\u003c/a>. She doesn't end up with Ron.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora Crawley\u003c/strong> realizes her marriage sucks and has a meltdown on her bathroom floor before getting a divorce. She rebounds with that art dealer who likes her opinions. That doesn't end well, inspiring her to move to Italy to eat pasta and not have sex, then over to India for a yoga teacher training, and finally ending up in Bali where she gets her groove back. She writes all about the experience, but is too humble to show it to anyone. Her great granddaughter, Elizabeth Gilbert, inherits the manuscript and puts her name on it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong> moves to America and starts a labor union and a soup kitchen and other neat stuff. He gives a really awesome speech at the DNC and becomes a frontrunner for the presidency. Opponents demand to see his birth certificate. He's like, you know what, this isn't worth it. His hair never turns grey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy\u003c/strong> inherits her dead husband's farm and fills it with all kinds of math books. She studies her ass off and ends up helping Alan Turing crack Nazi codes, which is later documented in a film called \u003cem>The Imitation Game\u003c/em>. Her scenes are unfortunately left on the cutting room floor because patriarchy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-14851 size-thumbnail\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a-400x212.jpg\" alt=\"thelma-and-louise-downton-a\" width=\"400\" height=\"212\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a-400x212.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a.jpg 755w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/a>Patmore \u003c/strong>and\u003cstrong> Hughes\u003c/strong> experience a challenging second Saturn return and take to the road. They kill a rapist in a parking lot and rob some stores and put a cop in his own trunk. With the law hot on their trail, they drive their convertible off a cliff and parachute into a hidden valley where they start a super cool women's collective.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Anna\u003c/strong> realizes Bates is kind of creepy and dumps him. She parlays her changing-other-people's-clothes-for-them skills into a career as the person who helps pop stars get into their next costume between songs. She eventually inspires Madonna's fake British accent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After he squanders his fortune because he's terrible at everything,\u003cstrong> Lord Grantham\u003c/strong> finds himself alone. Years of ignoring/being rude to the women in his life apparently wasn't a great life strategy. The only one who stands by his side is Isis, the dog (I refuse to believe that Isis is actually dead). Grantham runs out of dog treats one day and Isis eats him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The End!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>How do you hope things end at Downton? Leave it in the comments! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>[\u003cstrong>Editor's Note:\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\">A version of this piece\u003c/a> was posted on January 29, 2015, when rumors first started that the next season might be the show's last.]\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>The rumors were true. Today, \u003ca href=\"http://www.pbs.org/about/news/archive/2015/downton-abbey-season-6-final-season/\">PBS announced\u003c/a> that the next season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> will be its last. We're accustomed to freaking out every time a show we loved at some point is cancelled, but ending \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> is the right thing to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This past season had its moments — Edith's accidental act of arson, Mary's sex positive ways, everything Maggie Smith did or said — but, as a whole, it felt like a trudge and the show's quality was nowhere near what it once was when Sybil was alive and well, showing off her harem pants.. With nothing to lose, Season 6 is a chance to return the show to its former glory. Here are some humble suggestions on what should happen to the characters we have grown to love (and the ones we just put up with):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-14850 size-thumbnail\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton-400x232.jpg\" alt=\"edith-jan-brady-downton\" width=\"400\" height=\"232\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton-400x232.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/edith-jan-brady-downton.jpg 496w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/a>You might think this show is all about Mary, but you're wrong. The true star is \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>, patron saint of all misunderstood middle children. I see Edith moving to Germany during the lead up to World War II and infiltrating the Nazi party so that she may exact revenge on whoever killed Michael a.k.a. that dude who knocked her up, didn't marry her, and promptly vanished. Edith decides to prove everyone wrong and change the course of history by assassinating Hitler. She inevitably screws it up because she's Edith and is put into a witness protection program under the pseudonym Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of tragic figures, poor \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong> has been pigeon-holed as the evil, miserable gay trope for the past five seasons. I see Thomas taking his spoon and drugs and moving to the big city, where he meets Virginia Woolf, while walking around Bloomsbury. She helps him get clean and begs to set him up on a blind date! \"It's not just because you're both gay!\" she promises. He relents and his blind date is no other than E.M. Forster, famed writer and fellow wistful closet case. Thomas' emo-ness cancels out Forster's emo-ness and they live happily ever after.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For once in her life, \u003cstrong>Mary\u003c/strong> doesn't get what she wants. She dies from shock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignleft wp-image-14859\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-400x512.jpg\" alt=\"hermione-dowager-downton\" width=\"300\" height=\"384\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-400x512.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton-800x1023.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/hermione-dowager-downton.jpg 936w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>The Dowager Countess\u003c/strong> gets a very late acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She is outraged by the faux pas, but eventually enrolls. She is sorted into all the houses 'cause she's got it like that. While studying for her Transfiguration exam, she accidentally ends up Benjamin Button-ing herself. She begins to age backwards and, decades later, goes by her nickname Hermione so that no one asks questions about why she knows \u003ca href=\"http://hellogiggles.hellogiggles.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/15/Its-Leviosa-not-leviosar-Hermione-Granger-GIF.gif\">how to correctly pronounce Wingardium Leviosa\u003c/a>. She doesn't end up with Ron.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora Crawley\u003c/strong> realizes her marriage sucks and has a meltdown on her bathroom floor before getting a divorce. She rebounds with that art dealer who likes her opinions. That doesn't end well, inspiring her to move to Italy to eat pasta and not have sex, then over to India for a yoga teacher training, and finally ending up in Bali where she gets her groove back. She writes all about the experience, but is too humble to show it to anyone. Her great granddaughter, Elizabeth Gilbert, inherits the manuscript and puts her name on it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong> moves to America and starts a labor union and a soup kitchen and other neat stuff. He gives a really awesome speech at the DNC and becomes a frontrunner for the presidency. Opponents demand to see his birth certificate. He's like, you know what, this isn't worth it. His hair never turns grey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Daisy\u003c/strong> inherits her dead husband's farm and fills it with all kinds of math books. She studies her ass off and ends up helping Alan Turing crack Nazi codes, which is later documented in a film called \u003cem>The Imitation Game\u003c/em>. Her scenes are unfortunately left on the cutting room floor because patriarchy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-14851 size-thumbnail\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a-400x212.jpg\" alt=\"thelma-and-louise-downton-a\" width=\"400\" height=\"212\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a-400x212.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/01/thelma-and-louise-downton-a.jpg 755w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/a>Patmore \u003c/strong>and\u003cstrong> Hughes\u003c/strong> experience a challenging second Saturn return and take to the road. They kill a rapist in a parking lot and rob some stores and put a cop in his own trunk. With the law hot on their trail, they drive their convertible off a cliff and parachute into a hidden valley where they start a super cool women's collective.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Anna\u003c/strong> realizes Bates is kind of creepy and dumps him. She parlays her changing-other-people's-clothes-for-them skills into a career as the person who helps pop stars get into their next costume between songs. She eventually inspires Madonna's fake British accent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After he squanders his fortune because he's terrible at everything,\u003cstrong> Lord Grantham\u003c/strong> finds himself alone. Years of ignoring/being rude to the women in his life apparently wasn't a great life strategy. The only one who stands by his side is Isis, the dog (I refuse to believe that Isis is actually dead). Grantham runs out of dog treats one day and Isis eats him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The End!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>How do you hope things end at Downton? Leave it in the comments! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>[\u003cstrong>Editor's Note:\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\">A version of this piece\u003c/a> was posted on January 29, 2015, when rumors first started that the next season might be the show's last.]\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "Everything Bad That Happens in 'Downton Abbey' Is Lord Grantham's Fault",
"title": "Everything Bad That Happens in 'Downton Abbey' Is Lord Grantham's Fault",
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"content": "\u003cp>The grandeur, the nuance, the amazing way nothing happens until the final scenes of an episode... In its glory days, I could spend hours describing the delight that is \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>. Yet anyone who’s watched the show since the beginning can see that it’s a shadow of what it once was. If it wasn’t for the pragmatic wit of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20769936,00.html\">Dowager Countess\u003c/a>, the intermittent brashness of Tom and the simmering affection between Carson and Mrs. Hughes, I don’t know if I could have made until the end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I’ve been contemplating the big question that plagues many great shows that receive high praise at its onset: what went \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-1-roundtable/384182/\">wrong\u003c/a>? Was it the death of beloved characters like \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/06/missing-the-actors-who-quit-downton-here-are-3-strange-dark-gems-to-watch-them-in/\">Sybil and Matthew\u003c/a>? A tone shift as the characters clumsily dealt with the drastic differences between pre-war frivolity and post-war austerity? Or had it reached its peak in the third season and we’re watching its slow decline into mediocrity?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or perhaps it’s the problem \u003cem>Downton \u003c/em>has been grappling with since the start: over-privileged men, specifically Lord Grantham (a.k.a. Robert Crawley a.k.a. the blustering, bumbling head of the family). At the start, his oblivious follies created dramatic plot points and added tension to the show. Now, despite (and sometimes because of) his intentions to protect the family name, Lord Grantham seems to cause and/or aggravate many of the Abbey’s catastrophes during these, as Lady Mary likes to point out, “changing times.” He epitomizes the dangers of unchecked \u003ca href=\"http://maleprivilege.tumblr.com/\">male privilege\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let’s take a quick look at Lord Grantham’s low points from the past five seasons:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- With his terrible money management and lack of good decision-making skills, Lord Grantham basically ran Downton into the ground. He lost his and Cora’s money based on a bad investment decision he made without consulting her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- Feeling ignored by Cora (who was busy running their house-turned-makeshift hospital) and useless during the war, Lord Grantham almost starts an affair with a maid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- He tries to pay off his son-in-law, Tom Branson, because he is of a lower class. He later owes much of his renewed success to said son-in-law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- When his youngest daughter Sybil was in labor, Robert ignores the doctor’s warning that she was showing signs of preeclampsia and needs to give birth in a hospital. In spite of everyone else’s concern, Robert insists that she remain at home, where she later dies after giving birth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- Out of some combo of paternalism and jealousy, he attempts to prolong Mary’s mourning to keep her from playing a role in running the estate via her husband’s will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In all of these scenarios, Lord Grantham unwittingly finds himself at the center of some disaster. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, the mess is promptly cleaned up by the women in his life (chiefly his put-upon wife and nonplussed mother) and servants. What’s worse, he not only is blind to his part in the problem, he tends to see himself as the victim.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Of course, the above only scratches the surface of much deeper and complicated issues. Whether he’s bemoaning the fate of the estate he couldn’t properly manage or fuming over a lack of respect when someone dares to express an opinion \u003ca href=\"https://tv.yahoo.com/blogs/tv-news/downton-abbey-miss-bunting-annoying-192327145.html\">contrary\u003c/a> to his conservative views, Grantham makes sure his wounds are visible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This isn’t just some deep character flaw, it’s indicative of a larger theme within the series. When the men, particularly Lord Grantham, go unchecked, bad stuff happens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Born into wealth, Lord Grantham benefits from the dual privilege of manhood and money. Spending most of his life in a world that bends to his will, he has no need to care about how his actions can negatively affect those around him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One can blame the era of \u003cem>Downton,\u003c/em> a time when men talked, women \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/opinion/sunday/speaking-while-female.html\">listened\u003c/a> and servants tried to stay out of the way, for Grantham’s behavior. Although the world of Downton is quite insular, show creator \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/jan/29/downton-abbeys-future-in-doubt-after-julian-fellowes-fails-to-commit\">Julian Fellowes\u003c/a> ensures that hot-button issues from outside of the Abbey’s walls seep in. Women were seizing opportunities for independence, proving their capabilities extended beyond polite conversation. Simultaneously, the working class that made estates like Downton possible realized they could have careers outside of the kitchen and began organizing to have their voices heard in the upper echelons of government. We see these glimmers of \u003ca href=\"http://americanhumanist.org/HNN/details/2014-01-the-humanism-of-downton-abbey\">progressive\u003c/a> thinking in the likes of Edith, who now owns a publishing company, Dr. Richard Clarkson, who learns to value the input of feisty Isobel when treating wounded soldiers, and former chauffeur Tom with his socialist leanings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They stand as needed contrasts to Lord Grantham’s antiquated ways, yet Donk’s actions aren’t that different from how many men act today. Just think of \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/nyregion/MTA-targets-manspreading-on-new-york-city-subways.html\">manspreading\u003c/a> on public transit, insistent and unnecessary \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/11/a-cultural-history-of-mansplaining/264380/\">mansplaining\u003c/a>, and the mere fact that male is the \u003ca href=\"http://www.salon.com/2014/05/20/stephen_colbert_explains_ridiculous_inequalities_in_drug_testing_male_is_default_human/\">default\u003c/a> for human. These are only a few of the subtle reminders that the privilege of being a man is not having to make an effort to see the world from someone else’s perspective. The job titles may be different, the dress less formal, but men in power \u003ca href=\"http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2015/02/anthony_weiner_twitter_war_with_gov_cuomos_staff_keep_your_pants_on.html\">acting a fool\u003c/a> remains the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There’s no denying that Lord Grantham is a fundamentally decent man who wants what \u003cem>he \u003c/em>thinks is best for family and vast estate. But in these changing times, what he thinks isn’t the only thing that matters. Lord Grantham is learning that the hard way.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>The grandeur, the nuance, the amazing way nothing happens until the final scenes of an episode... In its glory days, I could spend hours describing the delight that is \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>. Yet anyone who’s watched the show since the beginning can see that it’s a shadow of what it once was. If it wasn’t for the pragmatic wit of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20769936,00.html\">Dowager Countess\u003c/a>, the intermittent brashness of Tom and the simmering affection between Carson and Mrs. Hughes, I don’t know if I could have made until the end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I’ve been contemplating the big question that plagues many great shows that receive high praise at its onset: what went \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-1-roundtable/384182/\">wrong\u003c/a>? Was it the death of beloved characters like \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/06/missing-the-actors-who-quit-downton-here-are-3-strange-dark-gems-to-watch-them-in/\">Sybil and Matthew\u003c/a>? A tone shift as the characters clumsily dealt with the drastic differences between pre-war frivolity and post-war austerity? Or had it reached its peak in the third season and we’re watching its slow decline into mediocrity?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Or perhaps it’s the problem \u003cem>Downton \u003c/em>has been grappling with since the start: over-privileged men, specifically Lord Grantham (a.k.a. Robert Crawley a.k.a. the blustering, bumbling head of the family). At the start, his oblivious follies created dramatic plot points and added tension to the show. Now, despite (and sometimes because of) his intentions to protect the family name, Lord Grantham seems to cause and/or aggravate many of the Abbey’s catastrophes during these, as Lady Mary likes to point out, “changing times.” He epitomizes the dangers of unchecked \u003ca href=\"http://maleprivilege.tumblr.com/\">male privilege\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let’s take a quick look at Lord Grantham’s low points from the past five seasons:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- With his terrible money management and lack of good decision-making skills, Lord Grantham basically ran Downton into the ground. He lost his and Cora’s money based on a bad investment decision he made without consulting her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- Feeling ignored by Cora (who was busy running their house-turned-makeshift hospital) and useless during the war, Lord Grantham almost starts an affair with a maid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- He tries to pay off his son-in-law, Tom Branson, because he is of a lower class. He later owes much of his renewed success to said son-in-law.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- When his youngest daughter Sybil was in labor, Robert ignores the doctor’s warning that she was showing signs of preeclampsia and needs to give birth in a hospital. In spite of everyone else’s concern, Robert insists that she remain at home, where she later dies after giving birth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>- Out of some combo of paternalism and jealousy, he attempts to prolong Mary’s mourning to keep her from playing a role in running the estate via her husband’s will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In all of these scenarios, Lord Grantham unwittingly finds himself at the center of some disaster. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, the mess is promptly cleaned up by the women in his life (chiefly his put-upon wife and nonplussed mother) and servants. What’s worse, he not only is blind to his part in the problem, he tends to see himself as the victim.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Of course, the above only scratches the surface of much deeper and complicated issues. Whether he’s bemoaning the fate of the estate he couldn’t properly manage or fuming over a lack of respect when someone dares to express an opinion \u003ca href=\"https://tv.yahoo.com/blogs/tv-news/downton-abbey-miss-bunting-annoying-192327145.html\">contrary\u003c/a> to his conservative views, Grantham makes sure his wounds are visible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This isn’t just some deep character flaw, it’s indicative of a larger theme within the series. When the men, particularly Lord Grantham, go unchecked, bad stuff happens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Born into wealth, Lord Grantham benefits from the dual privilege of manhood and money. Spending most of his life in a world that bends to his will, he has no need to care about how his actions can negatively affect those around him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One can blame the era of \u003cem>Downton,\u003c/em> a time when men talked, women \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/opinion/sunday/speaking-while-female.html\">listened\u003c/a> and servants tried to stay out of the way, for Grantham’s behavior. Although the world of Downton is quite insular, show creator \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/jan/29/downton-abbeys-future-in-doubt-after-julian-fellowes-fails-to-commit\">Julian Fellowes\u003c/a> ensures that hot-button issues from outside of the Abbey’s walls seep in. Women were seizing opportunities for independence, proving their capabilities extended beyond polite conversation. Simultaneously, the working class that made estates like Downton possible realized they could have careers outside of the kitchen and began organizing to have their voices heard in the upper echelons of government. We see these glimmers of \u003ca href=\"http://americanhumanist.org/HNN/details/2014-01-the-humanism-of-downton-abbey\">progressive\u003c/a> thinking in the likes of Edith, who now owns a publishing company, Dr. Richard Clarkson, who learns to value the input of feisty Isobel when treating wounded soldiers, and former chauffeur Tom with his socialist leanings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They stand as needed contrasts to Lord Grantham’s antiquated ways, yet Donk’s actions aren’t that different from how many men act today. Just think of \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/nyregion/MTA-targets-manspreading-on-new-york-city-subways.html\">manspreading\u003c/a> on public transit, insistent and unnecessary \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/11/a-cultural-history-of-mansplaining/264380/\">mansplaining\u003c/a>, and the mere fact that male is the \u003ca href=\"http://www.salon.com/2014/05/20/stephen_colbert_explains_ridiculous_inequalities_in_drug_testing_male_is_default_human/\">default\u003c/a> for human. These are only a few of the subtle reminders that the privilege of being a man is not having to make an effort to see the world from someone else’s perspective. The job titles may be different, the dress less formal, but men in power \u003ca href=\"http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2015/02/anthony_weiner_twitter_war_with_gov_cuomos_staff_keep_your_pants_on.html\">acting a fool\u003c/a> remains the same.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There’s no denying that Lord Grantham is a fundamentally decent man who wants what \u003cem>he \u003c/em>thinks is best for family and vast estate. But in these changing times, what he thinks isn’t the only thing that matters. Lord Grantham is learning that the hard way.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You",
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"content": "\u003cp>Hark! What sound is that? It’s the sound of another legendary \u003cem>Downton Abbey \u003c/em>Christmas Special! Do I really have to remind you of the always-in-effect \u003cstrong>spoiler alert\u003c/strong>? There, I did it! On to the Abbey!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A car pulls up in front of an official looking building and we see the magenta back of a stylish Mary, who I’ll wager is headed to prison to check on Anna in this season’s first \u003cem>Orange is the New Black\u003c/em> crossover episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Robert “Donk” Grantham pretends to care about Anna’s false (?) imprisonment to Bates, but then starts talking about a trip they are taking or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone is hurrying around, presumably related to this alleged trip (did I miss something last episode or is this just another symptom of my smart-phone-related dementia?). It appears that Baxter is now attending to both Cora and Mary. Oh man, this just now occurred to me: why does Mary have a lady’s maid and Edith doesn’t?! Is Mary physically incapable of buttoning her own buttons? I paused the show to type that and my question was answered immediately: Anna was supposedly also Edith’s lady’s maid?! Um, when did she ever, ever help Edith pick out a fancy dress? Or buy prophylactics for her? Suddenly, I’m beginning to think Anna is a dark-hearted bully who ignored Edith on purpose and may also be a murderer. Jury’s still out, people!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In jail, Mary of course looks stunning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At a luncheon of some sort, the family sort of talks vaguely about this impending trip and then Violet reveals that the Princess, the wife of her true love, no big deal, is coming to England, like momentarily. Um, what the hell, Violet? I get trying to be cool for your new boyfriend, but you’ve got to think about number one and, in this case, number one is the magic blossoming between you and the Prince! Hong Kong is lovely! The Princess would have done great there!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In prison, it kind of seems like Mary dressed up to make Anna feel bad. What I’m saying is Anna doesn’t look great.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a downstairs hall, Carson and Hughes debate the question of Mary’s prison visit. Carson, the perpetual Mary apologist, thinks it’s bad because people might think it’s somehow improper. Carson, how do you feel about sex vacations?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the downstairs table, the help fight over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the special Hughes and Carson room, Ross/Carson and Rachel/Hughes drink wine and talk about real estate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the house, it is revealed that the destination of the family trip is Atticus’s family’s place that they did quickly discuss last episode. See? I remember! Anyway, everyone is going and the moms and dad have to say goodbye to their children, who they probably only see 20 minutes a day anyway. Edith is like the \u003cem>most \u003c/em>terrible at pretending she isn’t Marigold’s mom. So terrible that even Donk can see it plainly now. How have Tom and Mary not noticed? Are they just drunk all the time?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Violet and Isobel bid the family adieu at the train station. I thought they were taking a ship somewhere. That would have been a bit more interesting. I guess they’re just going somewhere else English to shoot at things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, everyone is doing a deep cleaning, since the family is away, which gives a great bookish setting for Molesley to question Daisy about her studies and for Daisy to once again wiffle-waffle about her education. Patmore calls her out because Patmore is the one who tells it like it is on this show. We are all Patmore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the fanciest train, the Crawleys all sit in one room without murdering each other or even suggesting murder. Maybe because the train is moving they feel less anxious in each other’s company? Like they could jump out at any time? Oh, wait! Spoke too soon! Miserable Mary suggests locking all the children up in a box in the attic and not letting them out until they are 21. Also: she doesn’t appear to be joking. She refers to herself as “the mother around here” and Donk gives a deep side-eye scowl to Cora. Edith, your secret ain’t safe for long!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Atticus' family’s “place” turns out to be a huge and magnificent castle! Downton now seems stupid. Remake the show please and, this time, set it at this fancy castle! Atticus' parents speak with yet another New Butler. The problem with character proliferation on Downton is thus: every time a new upper class person shows up, you know somewhere there’s going to be a servant-y type too. Basically the cast is increasing exponentially.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cars pull up to the castle, giving us another glimpse at this magnificent place. My main question, obviously, is how do they heat it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rose and Atticus, now married (if you know what I mean), greet the family at one of the doors. I imagine this place is just rife with doors. Atticus’ Mean Dad and Atticus’ Sweet Mom show up and the two families who just love each other to bits are in the same room once again. Soon, they will be shooting guns together!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at the castle, Thomas introduces himself to the New Butler, who is extra mean which seems reasonable since a) his boss, Atticus’ Mean Dad, is also mean and b) no one in their right mind should ever be nice to Thomas. He smells weakness like sharks smell blood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back home, the Old Ladies Club meets in a garden to discuss the upcoming arrival of the Princess. Look, I thought this was the Christmas Special. It seems really warm for Christmas, if these ladies can have tea in a garden…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, there is a gauche tea in the library. Ugh, so not the place for tea. The New Butler is openly rude to Tom. I am sorry, but that is just not done, okay? He is a monument to the perfect and wonderful Sybbie and is the only one I trust with a car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, Violet sets her two servants up to fight each other. Oh my god. Why am I even acknowledging this is happening?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hall downstairs at the Abbey, Ross and Rachel talk about real estate. Bates goes to visit Anna in prison to, I'm assuming, talk more about real estate?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, everyone and some dogs get into horse-drawn carriages, which take them out to an open field. I can’t think of what is better than carts full of armed people who hate each other!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the killing field, Mary gives Atticus’ Mean Dad a lecture on family unity, while using some sort of special walking stick designed for weak females out in the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Behind a bush, Atticus’ Sweet Mom and Tom talk about not being accepted. I think it would be a bit more heartwarming without the loaded weapon in Tom’s hands, but that’s just me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Behind a wall of some kind, Robert continues to evade Cora’s questions about his beginning-of-the-episode trip to York. Yeah, I should have mentioned this before, but I didn’t and now it’s come up three times so it’s obviously a thing. So sorry. Sue me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone keeps shooting and the shots ring out dramatically as the scene cuts to the Bateses in prison. Drab Anna-In-Prison reveals to Bates that her stepfather abused her when she was a kid and she cut him with a knife. That doesn’t seem like permissible evidence in this case. Does she have a lawyer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, Non-Sneaky-Edith can\u003cem>not\u003c/em> stop talking about the children. The New Butler continues to be a total jerk to Tom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a real estate field trip, Ross and Rachel have some delightful patter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, some crazy wife-swapping is about to happen. The Prince is there, as well as Isobel and her man. Upstairs, the Princess readies herself for battle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Baxter dresses Mary (who is dressing Edith? WHO?!) and Mary tries to get Baxter to get Thomas to do something to make the New Butler look bad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter relays Malevolent Mary’s message to Thomas, who isn’t that reformed after all and can’t wait to destroy the New Butler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the Princess enters the room. She is clearly a horrible woman who kind of rightfully hates Violet because, you know, her husband is in love with her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back the castle, Thomas sets his trap for the New Butler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, a harpist plays and Atticus is such a sweetheart as usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Patmore has set a romantic dinner for her favorites. It seems a lot nicer than the dinner in the castle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of which, the New Butler is still being overtly un-nice to Branson. Too bad for him because Thomas’ plan is working! His plan? Get the New Butler to serve a boring dinner! Atticus’ Mean Dad blows up at the New Butler and the Crawleys feel right at home (because every one of their meals involves yelling).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the wife swap is in full swing. The Princess is basically Debbie Downer, serving sad, deadpan one-liners to anyone who will listen. Even Sprat thinks she’s rude. Violet seems to have decided her love with the Prince shall never be. Why, Violet? \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw\" target=\"_blank\">You could have had it all!\u003c/a> Isobel’s Fancy Fiancé leaves with the Prince and the whole wife swap is abruptly turned into the usual: a meeting of the Old Ladies Society to talk about boyz.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Cora finally gets Donk to tell her what’s wrong, which turns out to be “pains in…[his] tummy.” (Yes, that was unfair quoting, but did you not giggle slightly?) Donk apparently has angina maybe, but don’t worry: he can still hunt! Since he’s on the verge of death, he decides to tell Edith that he knows her deep, dark, poorly kept secret.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the whole deal between Sprat and Violet’s Lady’s Maid is still, sadly, part of the plot. Can Violet’s Lady’s Maid make soup? Will we ever know?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Donk knocks on Edith’s door and Edith has her hair down and looks amazzzing. Edith for Cinderella!! Anyway, he’s there to tell Edith that he’s totes down and cool with Marigold being his granddaughter. They have a real nice father-daughter forgiveness moment. I feel so bad for Edith because tomorrow Donk will most likely come up to her and be like: “You know that whole thing last night? So sorry! I thought you were Mary because I was kinda sleepy and ate a big dinner and was maybe drunk...”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at the castle, Thomas is now pissed because yes, his light prank worked, but he was insulted by Atticus’ Mean Dad in the crossfire. Heads will roll!! Never cross Thomas. Now he’s going rogue. This is about to be a bender on evil. Just remember: relapse is part of recovery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the New Butler’s office, Thomas tries to ingratiate himself with the New Butler, who is now doing a handwriting comparison with all the staff to find out who wronged him. Oh, dang. Did Baxter write the offending note? Will Angel Baxter fall once more? Thomas gets the New Butler to sell out Atticus’ Mean Dad. Never be mean to Thomas, but, more importantly, never be nice to Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk out on the grounds, the youngs discuss plans to move to America.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Violet’s Lady’s Maid engages Patmore and Daisy to make her soup for Violet. Snooze.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just when you thought you couldn’t get any sleepier…the Bateses are in jail, talking about things again. Seriously, did the writing staff just decide they wanted to go on a little vaycay and could completely recycle this entire plot line and just switch which Bates is in jail and no one would even notice? I’m a little offended, writers! Do you know how closely I watch this show?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Isobel’s sitting room, she and her Fancy Fiancé (I hope!) are in the midst of real serious relationship talk. Isobel is like, I will \u003cem>not\u003c/em> be an evil stepmother! So the Fancy Fiancé decides to put a hit out on his children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the Lady’s Maid has ruined her soup. Seriously, how hard is it to make soup? That is like one thing I am totally capable of making and I can barely cook toast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the \u003cem>Orange is the New Black\u003c/em> crossover, the prison is boring as heck. Where is Red? Where is Crazy Eyes? I was led to believe a women’s prison would be a fun good time!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, the New Butler is regretting his drunk over-sharing with Thomas. Too bad, dude. Your fate is sealed. Try again next time! Morally Bankrupt Mary is pre-angry at an uninvited guest, who is taking Atticus’s spot hunting tomorrow. I bet he’s her true love. She’s also present-moment angry at Donk and Edith, who are BFFs now that Donk is dying and Edith is out to him as a mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the special Ross and Rachel side room at Downton, Ross is ready to toast their new future as bed and breakfast owners, but Rachel has to let Ross down because—plot twist!—Rachel has no money because she’s been sending all her money to the caretaker of her “not quite right in the head” sister. Oh, Rachel! You are an even bigger angel than Baxter. Their intimate discussion about siblings, investments and real estate is interrupted by a very worried Bates, who has received a telegram from the lawyer that apparently said: “Bad news! Call me.” That seems like a rude telegram to send! Just say: “Call me.” You’re the lawyer. He’s going to call you stat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle’s shooting grounds, love is in the air. Edith is paired up with the Agent who, if you’ll remember, “everyone feels a bit sorry for.” Classic Edith. Mary is somehow paired up with the Hanger On she’s been dogging the whole episode. The Hanger On is a Benedict Cumberbatch look-alike who is terrible at shooting and who Mary has decided to torture, her favorite form of flirting, over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In another corner of the field, Edith follows her sister’s lead and does some of her own flirting over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, Daisy is terrible at subterfuge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Violet’s garden, Isobel has a letter from Larry the Petulant Drugger who really, really doesn’t want a new mommy. This is always what happens when you don’t teach children boundaries!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, it’s raining and the Lawyer is apparently \u003cem>telephoning \u003c/em>Donk about Criminal Anna things (they’ve set a date for her trial), even though he can only telegram Bates. Donk’s tummy problem is acting up so tragically Cora won’t allow him to play with guns anymore this afternoon, which solves everyone’s problems since now Atticus can shoot. Really, these guys are just terrible at taking turns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At a lunch outside at the castle, Mary is in full-swing in her torture-flirting and Benedict Cumberbatch is eating it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen at Violet’s, Sprat calls Violet’s Lady’s Maid out on the fact that Daisy actually made the soup in this terrible subplot. Problem: Violet’s Lady’s Maid is using a very large knife. Sadly, she does not turn the knife on Sprat and instead watches him pour the soup down the drain. Open a can, dude! It’s not that hard!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere, a child steps out of a car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, it turns out that’s where the kid was getting out of the car! And who is this kid? Well, it seems like it might be the illegitimate child of Atticus’ Mean Dad. Rose thinks on her feet to save her new father-in-law and pretends the mom of the kid who got out of the car is her BFF. Somehow, this works. Turns out Thomas decided to go nuclear on everyone and telegrammed Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Mistress and told her to bring his other son. Classic Thomas. Luckily, Mary loves subterfuge and also improv so she gets in on the game of pretending to know Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Mistress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates is all dressed in black and seems to be giving his notice in letter form to Molesley to give to Carson. We all know what a goof Molesley is! Hilarity will ensue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Rose bids goodbye to the Mistress and Edith chats up her new love interest, the Agent. Rose blackmails Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Butler, while Mary looks on proudly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hall before dinner, Atticus’ Mean Dad stops Mary, Rose and Donk to thank them for not selling him out to his family and then totally changes his position on Rose being his daughter-in-law. Take note, ladies: If your father-in-law hates you, help him avoid an embarrassing situation with his mistress! #WifeTips\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Carson has opened the letter from Bates and apparently it isn't a notice but a confession to the murder of the Rapist. But, duh, they know it was a girl, Bates! Anyway, Sherlock Molesley is on the case! Find Bates and prove his innocence!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, there’s a gramophone in the library and everyone is dancing. Mary is, of course, dancing with Benedict Cumberbatch and trying to remain as uninterested as a person can while dancing with another person. He quizzes her about the earlier appearance of the Mistress and she’s impressed that he noticed what was going on, even though you would have to be deaf and blind not to see what was happening. Speaking of obvious situations everyone is trying to pretend away, Tom finally tells Edith he also knows Marigold isn’t some random foundling. Now it’s just Mary who doesn’t know and mainly she just doesn’t care. Edith dances off with the Agent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Bateses cottage, Molesley is on the hunt for exculpatory evidence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Benedict Cumberbatch and Mary share some last-minute flirting until he tells her his real passion is for cars. Oh my god! Stay away from sun-dappled lanes!! Mary, however, seems to have forgotten her long, dark history with automotives and is left weak in the knees as her new love interest speeds off. “Matthew who?” you can almost hear the wind whisper.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The cars pull up to Downton and the children come out for their customary parade and Carson tells Donk that Bates is gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, no one knows what to do now that two main employees are gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, no one knows what to do now that two main employees are gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, it turns out that Sherlock Molesley has a Watson of his very own; Baxter offers to help him vindicate Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Donk and Cora’s bedroom, the Lord and Lady conspire to keep Bates-related evidence out of the hands of the authorities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lawyer and Anna arrive at Downton, but, while free, she is sad because Bates One is on the run in Ireland and all freedom really is for her is dressing bratty adult women, constant anxiety that Bates will get caught and probably a sprinkling of PTSD to round it out. Prison was probably better, is what she’s thinking now. Crazy Eyes was so fun at that Christmas Pageant! She could have gotten really serious about her yoga practice!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the moment we’ve all been waiting on the edge of our seats for has arrived! Violet must taste the soup made for her by her Lady’s Maid, while Sprat looks on gleefully. What will she do? How bad is it?? But Violet is nothing but classy and spiteful towards Sprat so she pronounces the broth “delicious” and goes to bed, where we all hope this story line is finally going too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a drawing room, Donk announces that he isn’t about to go meet Isis in Heaven but instead has an ulcer. Womp. Good news though: the Art Guy’s favorite painting sold for like a lot of money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the windfall means that Carson is hiring a new footman. Oh, just what we need, a new cast member to remember. Thomas and Daisy who have similar taste in men make a bid for the New Cast Member from Rose’s Wedding. He’s pretty cute so I say, yes, go with him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Suddenly, it is Christmas 1924 and I feel a Tom and Baby Sybbie sized lump in my throat. Never leave us, you two! The New Cast Member has been hired and his name is Andy, which I think I can handle. The babies and their parents trim a massive tree and Baby Sybbie has the presence of mind to use her adorable British accent to say words.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a snowy town, Sherlock and Watson look for someone who remembers seeing Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their special room, Hughes wraps a gift for Carson. Carson tells Hughes that he bought their dream house himself. When is he going to invite Hughes to live with him there, happily ever after?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, Sherlock and Watson present their new Bates-saving evidence to the Crawleys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Donk discuss the particulars of contacting the soon-to-be-cleared (again) Bates. Also: ulcers. Such pillow talk between these two!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Christmas is looking fancy. I can’t be sure, but I think they may be having a bacon wrapped goose? Okay, I will eat that. Everyone encourages Daisy to study because no one knows what they want around here!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel’s, she’s finally showing the nasty letter from Larry the Drugger to his dad, her Fancy Fiancé. She breaks up with him because he’s got a stupid son, even though the Fancy Fiancé is the best and so nice and so rich. Violet comes in on them during the breakup and the ladies both mention, almost as an afterthought, how “sad” the whole thing is. Sad?! Heart breaking! You should be crying, Isobel! You just let the terrorists win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lonely Anna sits alone in her cottage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith and Tom talk over the children’s stockings. Mary comes in so Tom decides they should have a Christmas séance for Sybil. Donk walks by and makes a play to keep Baby Sybbie for himself. Oh, Donk. Not happening.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the whole village sings Christmas carols around the tree. Rose teaches Atticus the words because he’s a Jew so he’s never heard a Christmas carol before. Donk, it appears, is drunk, since he’s been abstaining from alcohol for awhile due to his non-lethal ulcer. Violet’s Lady’s Maid also drinks liberally from the punch bowl. Rose and Atticus talk about how awesome and exciting it is to be married. Next thing you know, Rose is going to be starting a blog about her super cool life as a wife, which will turn into a fashion blog and then a mommy blog. Watch out, world! As usual, Thomas and Daisy both flirt with the same guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Old Ladies Society have a special Christmas meeting to tell the best boyz story of all, the love story of Violet and her Prince. Drunk Donk breaks up the meeting though, as jovially as possible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the party, Drunk Donk is about to give a speech! Scandal! Fortunately, as his final good act in Britain, Tom saves him by starting a round of \"He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.\" Then Mary sings \"Silent Night\" while Edith plays. When did they ever spend enough time in the same room to practice? Also, why do none of these versions of these songs rhyme? Is that a British thing, to not rhyme your song lyrics?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson brings Hughes down to their special room and tells her he put their dream house in both of their names. She’s like, “Look, I can’t let you do this amazing thing for me! I don’t want to tie you down!” And he’s like, “Oh, Hughes! I want to be, metaphorically and maybe literally, I don’t know, tied down by you! Will you marry me??” Finally! I don’t know what comes next, but that was the best moment of the season and this slow-burn romance better get a spinoff where they own a bed and breakfast together! With Patmore as the cook! Can you even imagine?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the party, Drunk Donk tells Tom that he actually likes him now and then proceeds to give a speech to the entire village about how great Tom is. As the whole town joins together to sing “O Come All Ye Faithful,” Bates appears at a door and then sneaks up behind Anna and whispers into her ear. While a normal person would probably scream at that, Anna seems pretty stoked and Bates forgets he’s lame, literally, for a minute and picks Anna up into the air.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And credits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> Episode Character Ranking:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Violet:\u003c/strong> She gets ranked this week for her great love story and the sly bit about how she totally continued to cheat on her husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Baby Sybbie:\u003c/strong> She coined the terms “Donk” and now she’s passing it on to her cousin Marigold. Kudos, girlfriend! You’re a pretty cool baby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Tom:\u003c/strong> Without Tom, Edith and Mary will murder each other. It’s going to make for a bloody but interesting season. Still, I will miss Tom and his cute face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Carson:\u003c/strong> Finally, he got the guts to propose to his Rachel and it was magnificent. I love you, old guy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> 1. Hughes:\u003c/strong> When Carson asks her to marry him, she doesn’t mess around. She says: “I thought you’d never ask.” That is how a proposal should go. That is how a season should end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Season Character Ranking \u003c/strong>(Scientifically-ish based on total season scores!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Patmore: \u003c/strong>While this season wasn't especially meaty (get it? she's a cook!) for Patmore, she's always a solid character and one of my favorites. Glad to see she made it in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Tied for 4: Mary and Hughes: \u003c/strong>I'm offended at myself for allowing the worst and the best elements of Downton to tie for such a paltry spot. Mary started strong but became unbearable, whereas Hughes was, as usual, the backbone of the whole gosh darn house!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3: Violet: \u003c/strong>Violet came through this season by having an affair with a prince. We have to respect that, whether or not we agree with her decision to not move to Paris with him and live out the rest of their days in bliss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Edith: \u003c/strong>Edith deserves every happiness she has by the end of this season, especially now that we know that Mary is probably going to murder her at the end of next season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Tom Branson: \u003c/strong>Oh, Tom! I can't stand to see you and Baby Sybbie leave, but thank god they didn't drive you down a sun-dappled lane. Maybe you guys can come back for a guest spot in next year's Christmas Special?? If you promise to come, I promise to recap again. One more time for old time's sake. I love you, Tom! RIP Sybil!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you guys for following along with me this season! It's been fun and sad and hard. We lost dogs to cancer and potential husbands to Hitler. But we're still here! Next year, I predict Edith will marry the Agent, Mary will marry Benedict Cumberbatch, Donk will get another tummy ache, and Hughes and Carson will finally kiss! See you then!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/22/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-8-recap-london-calling/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 8 Recap: London Calling\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "It all comes down to this, Downton fanatics!",
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"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You | KQED",
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"headline": "'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Hark! What sound is that? It’s the sound of another legendary \u003cem>Downton Abbey \u003c/em>Christmas Special! Do I really have to remind you of the always-in-effect \u003cstrong>spoiler alert\u003c/strong>? There, I did it! On to the Abbey!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A car pulls up in front of an official looking building and we see the magenta back of a stylish Mary, who I’ll wager is headed to prison to check on Anna in this season’s first \u003cem>Orange is the New Black\u003c/em> crossover episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Robert “Donk” Grantham pretends to care about Anna’s false (?) imprisonment to Bates, but then starts talking about a trip they are taking or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone is hurrying around, presumably related to this alleged trip (did I miss something last episode or is this just another symptom of my smart-phone-related dementia?). It appears that Baxter is now attending to both Cora and Mary. Oh man, this just now occurred to me: why does Mary have a lady’s maid and Edith doesn’t?! Is Mary physically incapable of buttoning her own buttons? I paused the show to type that and my question was answered immediately: Anna was supposedly also Edith’s lady’s maid?! Um, when did she ever, ever help Edith pick out a fancy dress? Or buy prophylactics for her? Suddenly, I’m beginning to think Anna is a dark-hearted bully who ignored Edith on purpose and may also be a murderer. Jury’s still out, people!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In jail, Mary of course looks stunning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At a luncheon of some sort, the family sort of talks vaguely about this impending trip and then Violet reveals that the Princess, the wife of her true love, no big deal, is coming to England, like momentarily. Um, what the hell, Violet? I get trying to be cool for your new boyfriend, but you’ve got to think about number one and, in this case, number one is the magic blossoming between you and the Prince! Hong Kong is lovely! The Princess would have done great there!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In prison, it kind of seems like Mary dressed up to make Anna feel bad. What I’m saying is Anna doesn’t look great.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a downstairs hall, Carson and Hughes debate the question of Mary’s prison visit. Carson, the perpetual Mary apologist, thinks it’s bad because people might think it’s somehow improper. Carson, how do you feel about sex vacations?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the downstairs table, the help fight over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the special Hughes and Carson room, Ross/Carson and Rachel/Hughes drink wine and talk about real estate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the house, it is revealed that the destination of the family trip is Atticus’s family’s place that they did quickly discuss last episode. See? I remember! Anyway, everyone is going and the moms and dad have to say goodbye to their children, who they probably only see 20 minutes a day anyway. Edith is like the \u003cem>most \u003c/em>terrible at pretending she isn’t Marigold’s mom. So terrible that even Donk can see it plainly now. How have Tom and Mary not noticed? Are they just drunk all the time?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Violet and Isobel bid the family adieu at the train station. I thought they were taking a ship somewhere. That would have been a bit more interesting. I guess they’re just going somewhere else English to shoot at things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, everyone is doing a deep cleaning, since the family is away, which gives a great bookish setting for Molesley to question Daisy about her studies and for Daisy to once again wiffle-waffle about her education. Patmore calls her out because Patmore is the one who tells it like it is on this show. We are all Patmore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the fanciest train, the Crawleys all sit in one room without murdering each other or even suggesting murder. Maybe because the train is moving they feel less anxious in each other’s company? Like they could jump out at any time? Oh, wait! Spoke too soon! Miserable Mary suggests locking all the children up in a box in the attic and not letting them out until they are 21. Also: she doesn’t appear to be joking. She refers to herself as “the mother around here” and Donk gives a deep side-eye scowl to Cora. Edith, your secret ain’t safe for long!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Atticus' family’s “place” turns out to be a huge and magnificent castle! Downton now seems stupid. Remake the show please and, this time, set it at this fancy castle! Atticus' parents speak with yet another New Butler. The problem with character proliferation on Downton is thus: every time a new upper class person shows up, you know somewhere there’s going to be a servant-y type too. Basically the cast is increasing exponentially.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cars pull up to the castle, giving us another glimpse at this magnificent place. My main question, obviously, is how do they heat it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rose and Atticus, now married (if you know what I mean), greet the family at one of the doors. I imagine this place is just rife with doors. Atticus’ Mean Dad and Atticus’ Sweet Mom show up and the two families who just love each other to bits are in the same room once again. Soon, they will be shooting guns together!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at the castle, Thomas introduces himself to the New Butler, who is extra mean which seems reasonable since a) his boss, Atticus’ Mean Dad, is also mean and b) no one in their right mind should ever be nice to Thomas. He smells weakness like sharks smell blood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back home, the Old Ladies Club meets in a garden to discuss the upcoming arrival of the Princess. Look, I thought this was the Christmas Special. It seems really warm for Christmas, if these ladies can have tea in a garden…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, there is a gauche tea in the library. Ugh, so not the place for tea. The New Butler is openly rude to Tom. I am sorry, but that is just not done, okay? He is a monument to the perfect and wonderful Sybbie and is the only one I trust with a car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, Violet sets her two servants up to fight each other. Oh my god. Why am I even acknowledging this is happening?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hall downstairs at the Abbey, Ross and Rachel talk about real estate. Bates goes to visit Anna in prison to, I'm assuming, talk more about real estate?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, everyone and some dogs get into horse-drawn carriages, which take them out to an open field. I can’t think of what is better than carts full of armed people who hate each other!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the killing field, Mary gives Atticus’ Mean Dad a lecture on family unity, while using some sort of special walking stick designed for weak females out in the field.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Behind a bush, Atticus’ Sweet Mom and Tom talk about not being accepted. I think it would be a bit more heartwarming without the loaded weapon in Tom’s hands, but that’s just me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Behind a wall of some kind, Robert continues to evade Cora’s questions about his beginning-of-the-episode trip to York. Yeah, I should have mentioned this before, but I didn’t and now it’s come up three times so it’s obviously a thing. So sorry. Sue me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone keeps shooting and the shots ring out dramatically as the scene cuts to the Bateses in prison. Drab Anna-In-Prison reveals to Bates that her stepfather abused her when she was a kid and she cut him with a knife. That doesn’t seem like permissible evidence in this case. Does she have a lawyer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, Non-Sneaky-Edith can\u003cem>not\u003c/em> stop talking about the children. The New Butler continues to be a total jerk to Tom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a real estate field trip, Ross and Rachel have some delightful patter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, some crazy wife-swapping is about to happen. The Prince is there, as well as Isobel and her man. Upstairs, the Princess readies herself for battle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Baxter dresses Mary (who is dressing Edith? WHO?!) and Mary tries to get Baxter to get Thomas to do something to make the New Butler look bad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter relays Malevolent Mary’s message to Thomas, who isn’t that reformed after all and can’t wait to destroy the New Butler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the Princess enters the room. She is clearly a horrible woman who kind of rightfully hates Violet because, you know, her husband is in love with her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back the castle, Thomas sets his trap for the New Butler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, a harpist plays and Atticus is such a sweetheart as usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Patmore has set a romantic dinner for her favorites. It seems a lot nicer than the dinner in the castle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of which, the New Butler is still being overtly un-nice to Branson. Too bad for him because Thomas’ plan is working! His plan? Get the New Butler to serve a boring dinner! Atticus’ Mean Dad blows up at the New Butler and the Crawleys feel right at home (because every one of their meals involves yelling).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the wife swap is in full swing. The Princess is basically Debbie Downer, serving sad, deadpan one-liners to anyone who will listen. Even Sprat thinks she’s rude. Violet seems to have decided her love with the Prince shall never be. Why, Violet? \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw\" target=\"_blank\">You could have had it all!\u003c/a> Isobel’s Fancy Fiancé leaves with the Prince and the whole wife swap is abruptly turned into the usual: a meeting of the Old Ladies Society to talk about boyz.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Cora finally gets Donk to tell her what’s wrong, which turns out to be “pains in…[his] tummy.” (Yes, that was unfair quoting, but did you not giggle slightly?) Donk apparently has angina maybe, but don’t worry: he can still hunt! Since he’s on the verge of death, he decides to tell Edith that he knows her deep, dark, poorly kept secret.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the whole deal between Sprat and Violet’s Lady’s Maid is still, sadly, part of the plot. Can Violet’s Lady’s Maid make soup? Will we ever know?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Donk knocks on Edith’s door and Edith has her hair down and looks amazzzing. Edith for Cinderella!! Anyway, he’s there to tell Edith that he’s totes down and cool with Marigold being his granddaughter. They have a real nice father-daughter forgiveness moment. I feel so bad for Edith because tomorrow Donk will most likely come up to her and be like: “You know that whole thing last night? So sorry! I thought you were Mary because I was kinda sleepy and ate a big dinner and was maybe drunk...”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at the castle, Thomas is now pissed because yes, his light prank worked, but he was insulted by Atticus’ Mean Dad in the crossfire. Heads will roll!! Never cross Thomas. Now he’s going rogue. This is about to be a bender on evil. Just remember: relapse is part of recovery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the New Butler’s office, Thomas tries to ingratiate himself with the New Butler, who is now doing a handwriting comparison with all the staff to find out who wronged him. Oh, dang. Did Baxter write the offending note? Will Angel Baxter fall once more? Thomas gets the New Butler to sell out Atticus’ Mean Dad. Never be mean to Thomas, but, more importantly, never be nice to Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk out on the grounds, the youngs discuss plans to move to America.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Violet’s Lady’s Maid engages Patmore and Daisy to make her soup for Violet. Snooze.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just when you thought you couldn’t get any sleepier…the Bateses are in jail, talking about things again. Seriously, did the writing staff just decide they wanted to go on a little vaycay and could completely recycle this entire plot line and just switch which Bates is in jail and no one would even notice? I’m a little offended, writers! Do you know how closely I watch this show?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Isobel’s sitting room, she and her Fancy Fiancé (I hope!) are in the midst of real serious relationship talk. Isobel is like, I will \u003cem>not\u003c/em> be an evil stepmother! So the Fancy Fiancé decides to put a hit out on his children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the Lady’s Maid has ruined her soup. Seriously, how hard is it to make soup? That is like one thing I am totally capable of making and I can barely cook toast.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the \u003cem>Orange is the New Black\u003c/em> crossover, the prison is boring as heck. Where is Red? Where is Crazy Eyes? I was led to believe a women’s prison would be a fun good time!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, the New Butler is regretting his drunk over-sharing with Thomas. Too bad, dude. Your fate is sealed. Try again next time! Morally Bankrupt Mary is pre-angry at an uninvited guest, who is taking Atticus’s spot hunting tomorrow. I bet he’s her true love. She’s also present-moment angry at Donk and Edith, who are BFFs now that Donk is dying and Edith is out to him as a mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the special Ross and Rachel side room at Downton, Ross is ready to toast their new future as bed and breakfast owners, but Rachel has to let Ross down because—plot twist!—Rachel has no money because she’s been sending all her money to the caretaker of her “not quite right in the head” sister. Oh, Rachel! You are an even bigger angel than Baxter. Their intimate discussion about siblings, investments and real estate is interrupted by a very worried Bates, who has received a telegram from the lawyer that apparently said: “Bad news! Call me.” That seems like a rude telegram to send! Just say: “Call me.” You’re the lawyer. He’s going to call you stat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle’s shooting grounds, love is in the air. Edith is paired up with the Agent who, if you’ll remember, “everyone feels a bit sorry for.” Classic Edith. Mary is somehow paired up with the Hanger On she’s been dogging the whole episode. The Hanger On is a Benedict Cumberbatch look-alike who is terrible at shooting and who Mary has decided to torture, her favorite form of flirting, over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In another corner of the field, Edith follows her sister’s lead and does some of her own flirting over guns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, Daisy is terrible at subterfuge.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Violet’s garden, Isobel has a letter from Larry the Petulant Drugger who really, really doesn’t want a new mommy. This is always what happens when you don’t teach children boundaries!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, it’s raining and the Lawyer is apparently \u003cem>telephoning \u003c/em>Donk about Criminal Anna things (they’ve set a date for her trial), even though he can only telegram Bates. Donk’s tummy problem is acting up so tragically Cora won’t allow him to play with guns anymore this afternoon, which solves everyone’s problems since now Atticus can shoot. Really, these guys are just terrible at taking turns.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At a lunch outside at the castle, Mary is in full-swing in her torture-flirting and Benedict Cumberbatch is eating it up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen at Violet’s, Sprat calls Violet’s Lady’s Maid out on the fact that Daisy actually made the soup in this terrible subplot. Problem: Violet’s Lady’s Maid is using a very large knife. Sadly, she does not turn the knife on Sprat and instead watches him pour the soup down the drain. Open a can, dude! It’s not that hard!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere, a child steps out of a car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, it turns out that’s where the kid was getting out of the car! And who is this kid? Well, it seems like it might be the illegitimate child of Atticus’ Mean Dad. Rose thinks on her feet to save her new father-in-law and pretends the mom of the kid who got out of the car is her BFF. Somehow, this works. Turns out Thomas decided to go nuclear on everyone and telegrammed Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Mistress and told her to bring his other son. Classic Thomas. Luckily, Mary loves subterfuge and also improv so she gets in on the game of pretending to know Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Mistress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates is all dressed in black and seems to be giving his notice in letter form to Molesley to give to Carson. We all know what a goof Molesley is! Hilarity will ensue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Rose bids goodbye to the Mistress and Edith chats up her new love interest, the Agent. Rose blackmails Atticus’ Mean Dad’s Butler, while Mary looks on proudly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hall before dinner, Atticus’ Mean Dad stops Mary, Rose and Donk to thank them for not selling him out to his family and then totally changes his position on Rose being his daughter-in-law. Take note, ladies: If your father-in-law hates you, help him avoid an embarrassing situation with his mistress! #WifeTips\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Carson has opened the letter from Bates and apparently it isn't a notice but a confession to the murder of the Rapist. But, duh, they know it was a girl, Bates! Anyway, Sherlock Molesley is on the case! Find Bates and prove his innocence!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the castle, there’s a gramophone in the library and everyone is dancing. Mary is, of course, dancing with Benedict Cumberbatch and trying to remain as uninterested as a person can while dancing with another person. He quizzes her about the earlier appearance of the Mistress and she’s impressed that he noticed what was going on, even though you would have to be deaf and blind not to see what was happening. Speaking of obvious situations everyone is trying to pretend away, Tom finally tells Edith he also knows Marigold isn’t some random foundling. Now it’s just Mary who doesn’t know and mainly she just doesn’t care. Edith dances off with the Agent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Bateses cottage, Molesley is on the hunt for exculpatory evidence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the castle, Benedict Cumberbatch and Mary share some last-minute flirting until he tells her his real passion is for cars. Oh my god! Stay away from sun-dappled lanes!! Mary, however, seems to have forgotten her long, dark history with automotives and is left weak in the knees as her new love interest speeds off. “Matthew who?” you can almost hear the wind whisper.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The cars pull up to Downton and the children come out for their customary parade and Carson tells Donk that Bates is gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, no one knows what to do now that two main employees are gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, no one knows what to do now that two main employees are gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, it turns out that Sherlock Molesley has a Watson of his very own; Baxter offers to help him vindicate Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Donk and Cora’s bedroom, the Lord and Lady conspire to keep Bates-related evidence out of the hands of the authorities.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lawyer and Anna arrive at Downton, but, while free, she is sad because Bates One is on the run in Ireland and all freedom really is for her is dressing bratty adult women, constant anxiety that Bates will get caught and probably a sprinkling of PTSD to round it out. Prison was probably better, is what she’s thinking now. Crazy Eyes was so fun at that Christmas Pageant! She could have gotten really serious about her yoga practice!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Violet’s, the moment we’ve all been waiting on the edge of our seats for has arrived! Violet must taste the soup made for her by her Lady’s Maid, while Sprat looks on gleefully. What will she do? How bad is it?? But Violet is nothing but classy and spiteful towards Sprat so she pronounces the broth “delicious” and goes to bed, where we all hope this story line is finally going too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a drawing room, Donk announces that he isn’t about to go meet Isis in Heaven but instead has an ulcer. Womp. Good news though: the Art Guy’s favorite painting sold for like a lot of money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the windfall means that Carson is hiring a new footman. Oh, just what we need, a new cast member to remember. Thomas and Daisy who have similar taste in men make a bid for the New Cast Member from Rose’s Wedding. He’s pretty cute so I say, yes, go with him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Suddenly, it is Christmas 1924 and I feel a Tom and Baby Sybbie sized lump in my throat. Never leave us, you two! The New Cast Member has been hired and his name is Andy, which I think I can handle. The babies and their parents trim a massive tree and Baby Sybbie has the presence of mind to use her adorable British accent to say words.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a snowy town, Sherlock and Watson look for someone who remembers seeing Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their special room, Hughes wraps a gift for Carson. Carson tells Hughes that he bought their dream house himself. When is he going to invite Hughes to live with him there, happily ever after?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the library, Sherlock and Watson present their new Bates-saving evidence to the Crawleys.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Donk discuss the particulars of contacting the soon-to-be-cleared (again) Bates. Also: ulcers. Such pillow talk between these two!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Christmas is looking fancy. I can’t be sure, but I think they may be having a bacon wrapped goose? Okay, I will eat that. Everyone encourages Daisy to study because no one knows what they want around here!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel’s, she’s finally showing the nasty letter from Larry the Drugger to his dad, her Fancy Fiancé. She breaks up with him because he’s got a stupid son, even though the Fancy Fiancé is the best and so nice and so rich. Violet comes in on them during the breakup and the ladies both mention, almost as an afterthought, how “sad” the whole thing is. Sad?! Heart breaking! You should be crying, Isobel! You just let the terrorists win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lonely Anna sits alone in her cottage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith and Tom talk over the children’s stockings. Mary comes in so Tom decides they should have a Christmas séance for Sybil. Donk walks by and makes a play to keep Baby Sybbie for himself. Oh, Donk. Not happening.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the whole village sings Christmas carols around the tree. Rose teaches Atticus the words because he’s a Jew so he’s never heard a Christmas carol before. Donk, it appears, is drunk, since he’s been abstaining from alcohol for awhile due to his non-lethal ulcer. Violet’s Lady’s Maid also drinks liberally from the punch bowl. Rose and Atticus talk about how awesome and exciting it is to be married. Next thing you know, Rose is going to be starting a blog about her super cool life as a wife, which will turn into a fashion blog and then a mommy blog. Watch out, world! As usual, Thomas and Daisy both flirt with the same guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Old Ladies Society have a special Christmas meeting to tell the best boyz story of all, the love story of Violet and her Prince. Drunk Donk breaks up the meeting though, as jovially as possible.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the party, Drunk Donk is about to give a speech! Scandal! Fortunately, as his final good act in Britain, Tom saves him by starting a round of \"He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.\" Then Mary sings \"Silent Night\" while Edith plays. When did they ever spend enough time in the same room to practice? Also, why do none of these versions of these songs rhyme? Is that a British thing, to not rhyme your song lyrics?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson brings Hughes down to their special room and tells her he put their dream house in both of their names. She’s like, “Look, I can’t let you do this amazing thing for me! I don’t want to tie you down!” And he’s like, “Oh, Hughes! I want to be, metaphorically and maybe literally, I don’t know, tied down by you! Will you marry me??” Finally! I don’t know what comes next, but that was the best moment of the season and this slow-burn romance better get a spinoff where they own a bed and breakfast together! With Patmore as the cook! Can you even imagine?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the party, Drunk Donk tells Tom that he actually likes him now and then proceeds to give a speech to the entire village about how great Tom is. As the whole town joins together to sing “O Come All Ye Faithful,” Bates appears at a door and then sneaks up behind Anna and whispers into her ear. While a normal person would probably scream at that, Anna seems pretty stoked and Bates forgets he’s lame, literally, for a minute and picks Anna up into the air.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And credits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> Episode Character Ranking:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Violet:\u003c/strong> She gets ranked this week for her great love story and the sly bit about how she totally continued to cheat on her husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Baby Sybbie:\u003c/strong> She coined the terms “Donk” and now she’s passing it on to her cousin Marigold. Kudos, girlfriend! You’re a pretty cool baby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Tom:\u003c/strong> Without Tom, Edith and Mary will murder each other. It’s going to make for a bloody but interesting season. Still, I will miss Tom and his cute face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Carson:\u003c/strong> Finally, he got the guts to propose to his Rachel and it was magnificent. I love you, old guy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong> 1. Hughes:\u003c/strong> When Carson asks her to marry him, she doesn’t mess around. She says: “I thought you’d never ask.” That is how a proposal should go. That is how a season should end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Season Character Ranking \u003c/strong>(Scientifically-ish based on total season scores!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Patmore: \u003c/strong>While this season wasn't especially meaty (get it? she's a cook!) for Patmore, she's always a solid character and one of my favorites. Glad to see she made it in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Tied for 4: Mary and Hughes: \u003c/strong>I'm offended at myself for allowing the worst and the best elements of Downton to tie for such a paltry spot. Mary started strong but became unbearable, whereas Hughes was, as usual, the backbone of the whole gosh darn house!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3: Violet: \u003c/strong>Violet came through this season by having an affair with a prince. We have to respect that, whether or not we agree with her decision to not move to Paris with him and live out the rest of their days in bliss.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Edith: \u003c/strong>Edith deserves every happiness she has by the end of this season, especially now that we know that Mary is probably going to murder her at the end of next season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Tom Branson: \u003c/strong>Oh, Tom! I can't stand to see you and Baby Sybbie leave, but thank god they didn't drive you down a sun-dappled lane. Maybe you guys can come back for a guest spot in next year's Christmas Special?? If you promise to come, I promise to recap again. One more time for old time's sake. I love you, Tom! RIP Sybil!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you guys for following along with me this season! It's been fun and sad and hard. We lost dogs to cancer and potential husbands to Hitler. But we're still here! Next year, I predict Edith will marry the Agent, Mary will marry Benedict Cumberbatch, Donk will get another tummy ache, and Hughes and Carson will finally kiss! See you then!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
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"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
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"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
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"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
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"politicalbreakdown": {
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"title": "Political Breakdown",
"tagline": "Politics from a personal perspective",
"info": "Political Breakdown is a new series that explores the political intersection of California and the nation. Each week hosts Scott Shafer and Marisa Lagos are joined with a new special guest to unpack politics -- with personality — and offer an insider’s glimpse at how politics happens.",
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"possible": {
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"title": "Possible",
"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
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"pri-the-world": {
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"title": "PRI's The World: Latest Edition",
"info": "Each weekday, host Marco Werman and his team of producers bring you the world's most interesting stories in an hour of radio that reminds us just how small our planet really is.",
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"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-World-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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},
"radiolab": {
"id": "radiolab",
"title": "Radiolab",
"info": "A two-time Peabody Award-winner, Radiolab is an investigation told through sounds and stories, and centered around one big idea. In the Radiolab world, information sounds like music and science and culture collide. Hosted by Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich, the show is designed for listeners who demand skepticism, but appreciate wonder. WNYC Studios is the producer of other leading podcasts including Freakonomics Radio, Death, Sex & Money, On the Media and many more.",
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"reveal": {
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"title": "Reveal",
"info": "Created by The Center for Investigative Reporting and PRX, Reveal is public radios first one-hour weekly radio show and podcast dedicated to investigative reporting. Credible, fact based and without a partisan agenda, Reveal combines the power and artistry of driveway moment storytelling with data-rich reporting on critically important issues. The result is stories that inform and inspire, arming our listeners with information to right injustices, hold the powerful accountable and improve lives.Reveal is hosted by Al Letson and showcases the award-winning work of CIR and newsrooms large and small across the nation. In a radio and podcast market crowded with choices, Reveal focuses on important and often surprising stories that illuminate the world for our listeners.",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.revealnews.org/episodes/",
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},
"rightnowish": {
"id": "rightnowish",
"title": "Rightnowish",
"tagline": "Art is where you find it",
"info": "Rightnowish digs into life in the Bay Area right now… ish. Journalist Pendarvis Harshaw takes us to galleries painted on the sides of liquor stores in West Oakland. We'll dance in warehouses in the Bayview, make smoothies with kids in South Berkeley, and listen to classical music in a 1984 Cutlass Supreme in Richmond. Every week, Pen talks to movers and shakers about how the Bay Area shapes what they create, and how they shape the place we call home.",
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"order": 16
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},
"science-friday": {
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