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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Sybil's ghost returned to Downton\u003c/a> to make everything right. Will she still be floating around this week and come up behind Branson while \u003ca href=\"https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/ghoflop1.gif\" target=\"_blank\">he's molding clay at a pottery wheel\u003c/a>? Will she hide all of Cora's coats to incite a class war? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's moving day for Daisy's father-in-law. See what having insane daily outbursts and stalking people will get you? Lots of square footage, but imagine all the really bad juju left over from Marigold's kidnapper. Here's hoping Daisy had the good sense to steal some sage from Mrs. Patmore's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a hill overlooking the Abbey, Branson asks Mary if she's pissed that he orchestrated handing over the Drews' farm to Daisy's mooch father-in-law behind her back. Mary says it ain't no thang 'cause now that there's a new hunk on the horizon and baby George is out of diapers (not that she ever changed any of them herself), her rage issues have subsided. Or maybe the London miscarriage-preventing doctor wrote her a prescription for chill pills? Either way, drop a pair of shades on Mary's face 'cause she's as cool as a cucumber these days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Mrs. Patmore asks about the move and Daisy reveals that her father-in-law moved all his crap into the front courtyard and the Drews haven't even moved out yet! Way to rub it in! Zero couth!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite getting her way, Daisy is still super bitter about her father-in-law's former landlord. Girl, get a life! Or take that exam or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Daisy decide to go on an outing to visit the farm (probably to point and laugh as Marigold's kidnapper, her husband and all their newly homeless kids move out). Andy pops out of nowhere to invite himself along. For once, Thomas isn't there to be brutally rebuffed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith gets a letter from her newspaper deadline crush that makes her giggle as loud as she has to in order to get her dad's attention. Before Robert can get into the birds and the bees talk with her, the Dowager waltzes in with a new scheme to stop the hospital merger. She plans to use a Crimea war connection (sometimes I forget she's 2 billion years old) to get the Minister of Health to pay a visit and listen to all her reasons why the family should retain control. 1. Because. 2. Um...yeah, that's about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert doesn't think she can pull it off, to which the Dowager uses my new favorite insult: \"Don't be jejune!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the kitchen, Mrs. Hughes wants to have dinner with Mr. Carson in their new cottage instead of with everyone else. Guess she's taken a liking to being naked around the hubster. Mrs. Patmore gives her a hard time and Daisy says she's just jealous. Mrs. Patmore is like \u003cem>Uh, duh! I'm a 50-year-old virgin!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Robert tells the fam that Mary's new husband who I should probably call by his real name at some point wants her to join him as he looks at a car. Branson invites himself because he's funemployed and then asks if Edith wants to come too. She declines because she's come to enjoy being the outsider martyr. Then...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Act MMXVII of \u003cem>Mary and Edith Almost Tear Each Other's Hair Out But Don't Because They're British\u003c/em>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Edith has a date.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> No, I don't.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Of course not.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> What do you mean, \"Of course not\"?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20119\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20119\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20120\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20120\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for that giggle-inducing letter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20121\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20121\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" alt=\"marcia jan brady gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, sad puppy-eyed Baxter does not giggle while reading a letter from the Sergeant about her testimony. Bates comes in to mansplain that she should think about what she wants to say before getting on the stand. Thanks for the valuable intel, Sherlock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas comes in to hit on Andy for the zillionth time. Andy literally says \"Thanks, but no thanks\" and walks off. I CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE SCENES, JULIAN FELLOWES. JUST HAVE ANDY STICK A BUTCHER KNIFE IN THOMAS' HEART AND BE DONE WITH IT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*collects self*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, where were we? Ah, yes. The old people are upstairs scheming about how they can get the most out of the Health Minister's visit. Cousin Isobel's self-righteousness has officially become a supporting character.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the shoe polish room where everything always happens, Bates and Anna grill Andy about why he's so rude to Thomas. Andy says he's gotten to know something about Thomas, something he doesn't want to say \"with a lady present.\" Bates and Anna are like \u003cem>LOLOL We've known he was gay since before you were born, bucko! \u003c/em>Andy goes on to say\u003cem> No homo \u003c/em>a thousand times in a row and Bates and Anna give each other a knowing look that says\u003cem> Does the closeted gay protest too much?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson/Hughes sex cottage, Mrs. Hughes serves Carson dinner like a good early 20th century housewife. He complains about the meat not being cooked to his liking, the plate being cold and the knife not being sharp enough like a typical early 20th century husband. Mrs. Hughes hates her life and regrets everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, everyone makes Edith feel bad about her date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20124\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20124\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif marcia\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes tells Patmore and Daisy all about how Carson is an entitled, sexist picky-eater who probably is one of those people who claim cilantro tastes like soap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Sergeant comes in because it's been more than an hour since he's bugged everyone. Baxter leaves with him as if she's walking to her own death. Molesley fumbles along because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers are trying to turn them into Bates and Anna version 2.0. Return to sender. The original version is more than enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere on the grounds, Branson and Mary talk about her new boy toy. \"I don't mean to sound snobbish, but I won't marry down.\" A totally reasonable thing to say to the former pauper who married into your sister's wealth. Someone forgot to take their chill pill this morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Denker takes a break from blackmailing Spratt to intimidate Dr. Clarkson for switching hospital merger teams. Is it just me or does Denker's wig deserve its own SAG Award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a courtroom somewhere, Baxter tells Molesley she doesn't have to testify after all because criminal dude changed his plea. So the whole point of this anti-climactic storyline was for us to witness Molesley follow Baxter around and help her put on her coat so that when they get together in the end we won't be like \u003cem>That was undeserved! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm, Daisy and co. are all unpacking her father-in-law's things and no one thinks about the fact that the only reason this place is vacant is because of a child abduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Branson stop by to tell Daisy's father-in-law that he's old and how they're concerned he won't be able to take care of the pigs. Andy randomly lies about how he and Mr. Mason have made an arrangement for Andy's young limbs to counterbalance Mr. Mason's feeble ones. Everyone's like \u003cem>Ok cool.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith is on her date. They talk about how his boss is not married and likes to spend all his time in Tangier painting portraits of young men. Ummm, I think we found a boyfriend for Thomas! You had your chance, Andy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith makes a sexy (for Edith) proposition: \"Come to my flat for a drink, I'll show it to you.\" Her date replies: \"What a racy plan.\" He seems like he would be a really good texter and emoji user. I hope he doesn't have any plans to hang out in Germany anytime soon. #RIPMarigoldsDad\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the middle of nowhere, Branson and Mary watch her new dude race cars. Branson gives her a hard time for not enjoying the speed and spectacle. Uh, did he forget that this is triggering because her last husband died while driving too fast?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith interviews a woman who was born in 1892 like herself. They commiserate over being Victorian babies who grew up into modern women. New bestie alert (since it doesn't seem like Virginia Woolf is going to let Edith join the Bloomsbury clique)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the farm, Mr. Mason wants Daisy to come live with him. Seems kind of creepy, but she'll probably do it. Mr. Mason looks at Daisy and then Andy in a way that makes me worry the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are going to put these two together. I should start doing eye exercises now, just in case, so that I can eye roll as hard as I want when the time comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Cora and Robert are baby sitting. Baby Sybbie says something problematic about \"red Indians.\" Kids say the darnedest things, don't they? Robert's side pain is back and he has to sit down. Will the Grim Reaper's scythe be more sharpened than Carson's dinner knife?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, she receives a tattle-tale letter from Dr. Clarkson about Denker, who is fired on the spot. Spratt's lucky day. Her going away party is going to be so boozy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a pub (!), Mary throws a few back. Her new boy brings up Evelyn Napier (former suitor -- until Mary told him he was boring -- and bestie of the Turk who died in Mary's bed). They make plans to have dinner with him soon, which won't be awkward at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hall, Andy and Thomas have the most boring conversation about pigs and books about pigs. Oscar Wilde would be so disappointed. All the words in the world and they use these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Edith's single lady flat, she and her date drink fancy cocktails. Her forehead is wearing jewelry. She explains that she's over Downton and dawdling in Mary's wake and wants to be a hipster in London forevermore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her date is a good listener. He also knows how to pick the right cafes for dinner so Edith green-lights a make out session before they head out. Unlike Mary, Edith tells her date that she doesn't care about his whole I-don't-have-money-and-work-for-a-living thing. Mazel tov, you crazy 1892 babies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy is apparently jealous that Mr. Mason is making new friends because she hasn't been crazy enough this season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson walks in on Daisy, Patmore and Mrs. Hughes chatting and asks Patmore: \"I wonder if you might go through the cooking of [dinner] with Mrs Hughes. It's been a while since she's played with her patty pans, and she's got some catching-up to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20128\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20128\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" alt=\"oh hell no gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes, this is why annulments are a thing. Time to drop this sexist dud and go back to your blissful celibacy immediately!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker is complaining about being fired. Spratt wins me over for the first time with this response: \"How did it happen? Were you drunk?\" Boom! But he's not done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Am I to blame if I have a very \u003cem>passionate\u003c/em> nature?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Any more of that talk and I won't be able to sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Go in, Spratt, go in!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Cora and Robert's room, they both take turns complaining about how annoying this Health Minister dinner is going to be. Then Robert complains about his side pain again, but refuses to skip the meal. Is he going to croak at the dinner table? Is that the only thing that will shut up this dumb hospital debate once and for all? If so, so be it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas hears a crash and investigates. Andy threw a book because he's dyslexic. So his big secret isn't that he's gay, but that he can't read??? Seriously?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20129\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" alt=\"teresa-table-flip\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas promises to help him learn how to read and Andy apologizes for being super homophobic these past few months. Then, Thomas wins an award for Most Melancholic Smile Ever to Grace Lips. And I win an award for Best Continuation of a Recap Despite Wanting to Never Watch \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> Again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker has decided to (shocker!) blackmail Spratt into convincing the Dowager to unfire her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Bates and Anna gossip about Mary's love life. Then, Bates says he wishes everyone was as happy as he is. So he means he wishes everyone would skulk in the shadows, grumble sinister things and continuously get away with murder?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt got Denker her job back so we can put this whole blackmailing/bullying thing to bed, right? Not so much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Oh, and Miss Denker, I don't want to hear another mention of my unfortunate nephew.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Oh, well, that rather depends.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> On what?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> On whether or not I need to mention him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This show is exhausting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the rich people hangout room, the Dowager arrives just in time to witness Robert have more side pain. The contractions are getting closer and closer together! Sybil's ghost's revenge for messing up her delivery and killing her in the process?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager has Carson change the seat assignments for dinner. Robert warns that she's switched to \"a very junior seat.\" The Dowager's reply is in French -- \"Il faut reculer pour mieux sauter\" -- but fear not; I have a French minor (*cough*and access to Google Translate*cough*) and can tell you that it means: \"You must step back to jump further.\" Let the games begin!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Health Minister arrives and everyone is trying to grab him. He totally dyes his mustache.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy criticizes the Minister's lack of support for unions and Carson congratulates him for it. Can someone explain to me why the Downton fandom likes Carson so much? His opinions are terrible and he's not funny or charming or fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the old people fight over the hospital and the Health Minister is turned way off. Robert puts an end to the fighting by grabbing his side, standing up AND SPEWING BLOOD ALL OVER THE TABLE AND EVERYONE AND COLLAPSING AND VOMITING ON THE CARPET.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, I thought he was going to die, but damn! Color me shocked. Also color me red 'cause I think some of his spewed blood went through the screen into my gaping face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once I write \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> off as a predictable bore, something like this happens! It reminds me of when \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em> featured a lawn mower amputation:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20131\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" alt=\"mad men lawnmower gif\" width=\"437\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compare and contrast:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20146\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20146\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I feel kind of bad because I think all the mean things I've written about Robert (albeit valid complaints) may have contributed to him getting an ulcer and that ulcer blowing up all over Cora. Did I do thaaat? (in Urkel voice).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Robert is not doing well. He keeps puking up blood. He chokes out a proclamation of love for Cora while everyone screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants are freaking out too. Carson tells the maids to get coats for Cora and Mary. \"Don't forget Lady Edith.\" Even in times of crisis, the writers can't help but crap all over poor Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20132\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" alt=\"jan ignore brady gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"228\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Health Minister tells Cora: \u003cem>Ummm, I think I'm gonna go... \u003c/em>Then Cora and the Dowager argue over the hospital some more because this seems like a good time for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager brings up the secret of Marigold and Mary overhears and realizes \u003cem>Wait a second...Edith's 9 month vacation and the random mute baby that hangs out with my son all day just might have something to do with each other! \u003c/em>By George, I think she's got it! (Took her long enough).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The medics arrive and cart dazed, confused and blood-soaked Robert off. Everyone follows...except for Branson who is straight up chilling and doesn't seem to be bothered one bit as he leisurely gossips with the Health Minister. Looks like I'm not the only one who holds a grudge against Robert for killing Sybil.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, the servants are all hanging out downstairs waiting for news. Andy is not reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gets a phone call and delivers the news: Robert had surgery and is going to be fine. Yay, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary and Edith get back from the hospital. They're finally alone and no one is around to stop them from finally having a duel once and for all, but enough blood has been shed this evening. Plus, Mary's too weirded out by Edith being someone's mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After Edith goes to bed, Branson rolls up wearing a casual robe because he's been kicking back with zero worries since Robert spewed his insides all over the mansion. Mary tells him that they should take over all control from her dad so he doesn't worry and get another ulcer. Branson rightfully proclaims this The Age of Queen Mary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20137\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20137\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" alt=\"beyonce bow down gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson: \u003c/strong>Make your own F-ing dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary: \u003c/strong>She was very chill about hanging out at a dirty pub. Also, she wore a tie for much of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>So sorry Andy's dyslexic instead of gay. Classy move teaching him how to read anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> She handled having blood puked into her face pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Robert's Exploding Ulcer:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>It did the impossible: revived this lackluster final season and almost killed one of my least faves. Good work, blood-filled combustible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "This week's shocking episode felt like the elevator scene from 'The Shining'.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Sybil's ghost returned to Downton\u003c/a> to make everything right. Will she still be floating around this week and come up behind Branson while \u003ca href=\"https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/ghoflop1.gif\" target=\"_blank\">he's molding clay at a pottery wheel\u003c/a>? Will she hide all of Cora's coats to incite a class war? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's moving day for Daisy's father-in-law. See what having insane daily outbursts and stalking people will get you? Lots of square footage, but imagine all the really bad juju left over from Marigold's kidnapper. Here's hoping Daisy had the good sense to steal some sage from Mrs. Patmore's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a hill overlooking the Abbey, Branson asks Mary if she's pissed that he orchestrated handing over the Drews' farm to Daisy's mooch father-in-law behind her back. Mary says it ain't no thang 'cause now that there's a new hunk on the horizon and baby George is out of diapers (not that she ever changed any of them herself), her rage issues have subsided. Or maybe the London miscarriage-preventing doctor wrote her a prescription for chill pills? Either way, drop a pair of shades on Mary's face 'cause she's as cool as a cucumber these days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Mrs. Patmore asks about the move and Daisy reveals that her father-in-law moved all his crap into the front courtyard and the Drews haven't even moved out yet! Way to rub it in! Zero couth!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite getting her way, Daisy is still super bitter about her father-in-law's former landlord. Girl, get a life! Or take that exam or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Daisy decide to go on an outing to visit the farm (probably to point and laugh as Marigold's kidnapper, her husband and all their newly homeless kids move out). Andy pops out of nowhere to invite himself along. For once, Thomas isn't there to be brutally rebuffed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith gets a letter from her newspaper deadline crush that makes her giggle as loud as she has to in order to get her dad's attention. Before Robert can get into the birds and the bees talk with her, the Dowager waltzes in with a new scheme to stop the hospital merger. She plans to use a Crimea war connection (sometimes I forget she's 2 billion years old) to get the Minister of Health to pay a visit and listen to all her reasons why the family should retain control. 1. Because. 2. Um...yeah, that's about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert doesn't think she can pull it off, to which the Dowager uses my new favorite insult: \"Don't be jejune!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the kitchen, Mrs. Hughes wants to have dinner with Mr. Carson in their new cottage instead of with everyone else. Guess she's taken a liking to being naked around the hubster. Mrs. Patmore gives her a hard time and Daisy says she's just jealous. Mrs. Patmore is like \u003cem>Uh, duh! I'm a 50-year-old virgin!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Robert tells the fam that Mary's new husband who I should probably call by his real name at some point wants her to join him as he looks at a car. Branson invites himself because he's funemployed and then asks if Edith wants to come too. She declines because she's come to enjoy being the outsider martyr. Then...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Act MMXVII of \u003cem>Mary and Edith Almost Tear Each Other's Hair Out But Don't Because They're British\u003c/em>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Edith has a date.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> No, I don't.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Of course not.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> What do you mean, \"Of course not\"?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20119\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20119\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni7eyy8ngC1t5kjw7-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20120\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20120\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for that giggle-inducing letter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20121\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20121\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif\" alt=\"marcia jan brady gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_inline_ni57w0Uft51qzsc34-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, sad puppy-eyed Baxter does not giggle while reading a letter from the Sergeant about her testimony. Bates comes in to mansplain that she should think about what she wants to say before getting on the stand. Thanks for the valuable intel, Sherlock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas comes in to hit on Andy for the zillionth time. Andy literally says \"Thanks, but no thanks\" and walks off. I CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE SCENES, JULIAN FELLOWES. JUST HAVE ANDY STICK A BUTCHER KNIFE IN THOMAS' HEART AND BE DONE WITH IT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*collects self*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, where were we? Ah, yes. The old people are upstairs scheming about how they can get the most out of the Health Minister's visit. Cousin Isobel's self-righteousness has officially become a supporting character.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the shoe polish room where everything always happens, Bates and Anna grill Andy about why he's so rude to Thomas. Andy says he's gotten to know something about Thomas, something he doesn't want to say \"with a lady present.\" Bates and Anna are like \u003cem>LOLOL We've known he was gay since before you were born, bucko! \u003c/em>Andy goes on to say\u003cem> No homo \u003c/em>a thousand times in a row and Bates and Anna give each other a knowing look that says\u003cem> Does the closeted gay protest too much?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson/Hughes sex cottage, Mrs. Hughes serves Carson dinner like a good early 20th century housewife. He complains about the meat not being cooked to his liking, the plate being cold and the knife not being sharp enough like a typical early 20th century husband. Mrs. Hughes hates her life and regrets everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, everyone makes Edith feel bad about her date.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20124\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20124\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nigx43prIp1qkgh4go2_r2_250.gif\" alt=\"jan brady gif marcia\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes tells Patmore and Daisy all about how Carson is an entitled, sexist picky-eater who probably is one of those people who claim cilantro tastes like soap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Sergeant comes in because it's been more than an hour since he's bugged everyone. Baxter leaves with him as if she's walking to her own death. Molesley fumbles along because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers are trying to turn them into Bates and Anna version 2.0. Return to sender. The original version is more than enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere on the grounds, Branson and Mary talk about her new boy toy. \"I don't mean to sound snobbish, but I won't marry down.\" A totally reasonable thing to say to the former pauper who married into your sister's wealth. Someone forgot to take their chill pill this morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Denker takes a break from blackmailing Spratt to intimidate Dr. Clarkson for switching hospital merger teams. Is it just me or does Denker's wig deserve its own SAG Award?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a courtroom somewhere, Baxter tells Molesley she doesn't have to testify after all because criminal dude changed his plea. So the whole point of this anti-climactic storyline was for us to witness Molesley follow Baxter around and help her put on her coat so that when they get together in the end we won't be like \u003cem>That was undeserved! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm, Daisy and co. are all unpacking her father-in-law's things and no one thinks about the fact that the only reason this place is vacant is because of a child abduction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Branson stop by to tell Daisy's father-in-law that he's old and how they're concerned he won't be able to take care of the pigs. Andy randomly lies about how he and Mr. Mason have made an arrangement for Andy's young limbs to counterbalance Mr. Mason's feeble ones. Everyone's like \u003cem>Ok cool.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith is on her date. They talk about how his boss is not married and likes to spend all his time in Tangier painting portraits of young men. Ummm, I think we found a boyfriend for Thomas! You had your chance, Andy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith makes a sexy (for Edith) proposition: \"Come to my flat for a drink, I'll show it to you.\" Her date replies: \"What a racy plan.\" He seems like he would be a really good texter and emoji user. I hope he doesn't have any plans to hang out in Germany anytime soon. #RIPMarigoldsDad\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the middle of nowhere, Branson and Mary watch her new dude race cars. Branson gives her a hard time for not enjoying the speed and spectacle. Uh, did he forget that this is triggering because her last husband died while driving too fast?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith interviews a woman who was born in 1892 like herself. They commiserate over being Victorian babies who grew up into modern women. New bestie alert (since it doesn't seem like Virginia Woolf is going to let Edith join the Bloomsbury clique)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the farm, Mr. Mason wants Daisy to come live with him. Seems kind of creepy, but she'll probably do it. Mr. Mason looks at Daisy and then Andy in a way that makes me worry the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are going to put these two together. I should start doing eye exercises now, just in case, so that I can eye roll as hard as I want when the time comes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Cora and Robert are baby sitting. Baby Sybbie says something problematic about \"red Indians.\" Kids say the darnedest things, don't they? Robert's side pain is back and he has to sit down. Will the Grim Reaper's scythe be more sharpened than Carson's dinner knife?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, she receives a tattle-tale letter from Dr. Clarkson about Denker, who is fired on the spot. Spratt's lucky day. Her going away party is going to be so boozy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a pub (!), Mary throws a few back. Her new boy brings up Evelyn Napier (former suitor -- until Mary told him he was boring -- and bestie of the Turk who died in Mary's bed). They make plans to have dinner with him soon, which won't be awkward at all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hall, Andy and Thomas have the most boring conversation about pigs and books about pigs. Oscar Wilde would be so disappointed. All the words in the world and they use these.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Edith's single lady flat, she and her date drink fancy cocktails. Her forehead is wearing jewelry. She explains that she's over Downton and dawdling in Mary's wake and wants to be a hipster in London forevermore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her date is a good listener. He also knows how to pick the right cafes for dinner so Edith green-lights a make out session before they head out. Unlike Mary, Edith tells her date that she doesn't care about his whole I-don't-have-money-and-work-for-a-living thing. Mazel tov, you crazy 1892 babies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy is apparently jealous that Mr. Mason is making new friends because she hasn't been crazy enough this season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson walks in on Daisy, Patmore and Mrs. Hughes chatting and asks Patmore: \"I wonder if you might go through the cooking of [dinner] with Mrs Hughes. It's been a while since she's played with her patty pans, and she's got some catching-up to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20128\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20128\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mfvo0utjuk1r6wo6vo1_500.gif\" alt=\"oh hell no gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes, this is why annulments are a thing. Time to drop this sexist dud and go back to your blissful celibacy immediately!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker is complaining about being fired. Spratt wins me over for the first time with this response: \"How did it happen? Were you drunk?\" Boom! But he's not done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Am I to blame if I have a very \u003cem>passionate\u003c/em> nature?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Any more of that talk and I won't be able to sleep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Go in, Spratt, go in!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Cora and Robert's room, they both take turns complaining about how annoying this Health Minister dinner is going to be. Then Robert complains about his side pain again, but refuses to skip the meal. Is he going to croak at the dinner table? Is that the only thing that will shut up this dumb hospital debate once and for all? If so, so be it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas hears a crash and investigates. Andy threw a book because he's dyslexic. So his big secret isn't that he's gay, but that he can't read??? Seriously?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20129\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20129\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/teresa-table-flip.gif\" alt=\"teresa-table-flip\" width=\"400\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas promises to help him learn how to read and Andy apologizes for being super homophobic these past few months. Then, Thomas wins an award for Most Melancholic Smile Ever to Grace Lips. And I win an award for Best Continuation of a Recap Despite Wanting to Never Watch \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> Again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker has decided to (shocker!) blackmail Spratt into convincing the Dowager to unfire her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Bates and Anna gossip about Mary's love life. Then, Bates says he wishes everyone was as happy as he is. So he means he wishes everyone would skulk in the shadows, grumble sinister things and continuously get away with murder?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt got Denker her job back so we can put this whole blackmailing/bullying thing to bed, right? Not so much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> Oh, and Miss Denker, I don't want to hear another mention of my unfortunate nephew.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> Oh, well, that rather depends.\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Spratt:\u003c/strong> On what?\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Denker:\u003c/strong> On whether or not I need to mention him again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This show is exhausting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the rich people hangout room, the Dowager arrives just in time to witness Robert have more side pain. The contractions are getting closer and closer together! Sybil's ghost's revenge for messing up her delivery and killing her in the process?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager has Carson change the seat assignments for dinner. Robert warns that she's switched to \"a very junior seat.\" The Dowager's reply is in French -- \"Il faut reculer pour mieux sauter\" -- but fear not; I have a French minor (*cough*and access to Google Translate*cough*) and can tell you that it means: \"You must step back to jump further.\" Let the games begin!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Health Minister arrives and everyone is trying to grab him. He totally dyes his mustache.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy criticizes the Minister's lack of support for unions and Carson congratulates him for it. Can someone explain to me why the Downton fandom likes Carson so much? His opinions are terrible and he's not funny or charming or fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the old people fight over the hospital and the Health Minister is turned way off. Robert puts an end to the fighting by grabbing his side, standing up AND SPEWING BLOOD ALL OVER THE TABLE AND EVERYONE AND COLLAPSING AND VOMITING ON THE CARPET.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, I thought he was going to die, but damn! Color me shocked. Also color me red 'cause I think some of his spewed blood went through the screen into my gaping face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once I write \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> off as a predictable bore, something like this happens! It reminds me of when \u003cem>Mad Men\u003c/em> featured a lawn mower amputation:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20131\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20131\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/01-lawnmower.gif\" alt=\"mad men lawnmower gif\" width=\"437\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Compare and contrast:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20146\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20146\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-graphic-bloody-robert\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So I feel kind of bad because I think all the mean things I've written about Robert (albeit valid complaints) may have contributed to him getting an ulcer and that ulcer blowing up all over Cora. Did I do thaaat? (in Urkel voice).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Robert is not doing well. He keeps puking up blood. He chokes out a proclamation of love for Cora while everyone screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants are freaking out too. Carson tells the maids to get coats for Cora and Mary. \"Don't forget Lady Edith.\" Even in times of crisis, the writers can't help but crap all over poor Jan Brady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20132\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20132\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_nib4rjOEKT1r6k6v0o1_400.gif\" alt=\"jan ignore brady gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"228\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Health Minister tells Cora: \u003cem>Ummm, I think I'm gonna go... \u003c/em>Then Cora and the Dowager argue over the hospital some more because this seems like a good time for that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager brings up the secret of Marigold and Mary overhears and realizes \u003cem>Wait a second...Edith's 9 month vacation and the random mute baby that hangs out with my son all day just might have something to do with each other! \u003c/em>By George, I think she's got it! (Took her long enough).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The medics arrive and cart dazed, confused and blood-soaked Robert off. Everyone follows...except for Branson who is straight up chilling and doesn't seem to be bothered one bit as he leisurely gossips with the Health Minister. Looks like I'm not the only one who holds a grudge against Robert for killing Sybil.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, the servants are all hanging out downstairs waiting for news. Andy is not reading.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gets a phone call and delivers the news: Robert had surgery and is going to be fine. Yay, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary and Edith get back from the hospital. They're finally alone and no one is around to stop them from finally having a duel once and for all, but enough blood has been shed this evening. Plus, Mary's too weirded out by Edith being someone's mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After Edith goes to bed, Branson rolls up wearing a casual robe because he's been kicking back with zero worries since Robert spewed his insides all over the mansion. Mary tells him that they should take over all control from her dad so he doesn't worry and get another ulcer. Branson rightfully proclaims this The Age of Queen Mary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20137\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20137\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_myzjm4NVyZ1s5lf2ro1_500.gif\" alt=\"beyonce bow down gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"246\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson: \u003c/strong>Make your own F-ing dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary: \u003c/strong>She was very chill about hanging out at a dirty pub. Also, she wore a tie for much of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>So sorry Andy's dyslexic instead of gay. Classy move teaching him how to read anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> She handled having blood puked into her face pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Robert's Exploding Ulcer:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>It did the impossible: revived this lackluster final season and almost killed one of my least faves. Good work, blood-filled combustible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You",
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"content": "\u003cp>It's been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\" target=\"_blank\">the Carsons got Miss Colombia'd\u003c/a> at their own wedding reception by the return of prodigal son Branson and his cute offspring. Is that incident the new thing Mrs. Hughes will spend all her time complaining about? Did she and Mr. Carson finally get it on? Will baby Sybbie and her cousins get a spin-off show? Will Thomas finally get to make out with someone? All (or none) of these questions will be answered on tonight's episode! Let's do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with Branson gazing upon Downton's ridiculously expansive grounds. He's basically the Powerball winner of 1925. What dumb luck!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back indoors, Branson tells the family about how much America sucks. He also is concerned he stole the Carsons' thunder. Uh, ya think?! Robert, always the voice of un-reason, is like \u003cem>Oh, whatever, you made the wedding less boring. I'm sure they loved it.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because it's been approximately 22 seconds since Mary and Edith got into a fight, Edith brings up the fact that Mary will probably have to give up being a feminist ball-busting Agent, now that Branson is back. Branson is like, \u003cem>I'm still jet lagged, can we not? \u003c/em>Mary makes a mental note to sharpen her switchblade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang talks about how lame the Carsons' honeymoon destination is (because poor people hang out there) before changing the topic to Aunt Rosamund, who's coming to town to meddle in the hospital drama. Get ready for some geriatric fireworks!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An aside: Cora never eats breakfast with her family. Should we be concerned? Eating disorder? Is she the one who takes care of the kids off screen? Is she keeping watch over her coats to make sure no servants touch them with their grimy little fingers? Or does she just hate everyone too much to sit next to them at this point?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant is looking for Ms. Baxter. Seriously, why is everyone in this house not better at covering up their crimes? Anna and Bates are excited it's not them for once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas is annoyed at Mrs. Patmore for receiving the visitor 'cause that's kind of his gig. Mr. Carson is still off naked somewhere with Mrs. Hughes so Patmore steps in as Thomas' resident bully. \u003cem>You're totally going to get fired, nanny nanny boo boo! \u003c/em>Thomas needs an \"It Gets Better\" campaign so badly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is drinking tea in bed (so maybe she \u003cem>is\u003c/em> anorexic, but probably just lazy). She's complaining to Baxter about how the Dowager Countess is bringing some friend as backup for their upcoming brawl at dinner. Hey, life could be worse, Cora; Baxter could ask to borrow something. We know how you feel about that. But anyway, still all this hot and bother over this dumb hospital stuff?? Just merge! Or don't! Who cares!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson tells Mary he's a capitalist now and wants his life to be more than just Downton. Um, okay, then why did you move back? Mary is supportive with a single caveat: no more Miss Buntings (the \u003ca href=\"http://45.media.tumblr.com/26db7deea9169596d334eaaf78672b02/tumblr_nhpo74A0Zk1rjtbk7o4_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">annoying, self-righteous teacher\u003c/a> from last season, if you don't remember). Here, here!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant spills the latest criminal intrigue: he wants Baxter to testify against a purported \"handsome devil\" who makes women steal for him and then take the fall, while he walks free. He's the reason Baxter was in jail that one time. Baxter is super spooked and doesn't want to get involved. Molesley throws out a platitude: \"All that's needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.\" Baxter shoots him a withering \u003cem>You're so bloody simple!\u003c/em> look and storms out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is annoyed because the Dowager's plus one wants to bring a plus one. It's a man so I bet you it's a new love interest for Mary because this show is not progressive enough to leave her as a badass single woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she and Anna talk about some new maids who aren't as cool as past maids. Then, talk turns to how Anna is thickening up with pregnancy. Bates assumes she's just fat because she likes pie. Then, Bates bursts in and completely ruins the vibe, which is what he does best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager and her friend talk about the hospital and I stare off into space while humming to myself until the scene is over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is in charge and everyone has to do that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-against-the-floor thing in deference. Thomas off-handedly mentions something about properties on the estate and Daisy starts droning on about how excited she is that her father-in-law is getting the Drews' farm. When someone finally breaks it to her that she's been hallucinating this whole time, she gets very angry and clutches a water pitcher really hard. And because no scene with Thomas is complete without cute Andy spurning his advances, that happens too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a road surrounded by sheep, Edith is driving (yes! driving!) her aunt Rosamund. The car has a huge steering wheel. Rosamund tells Edith about this funky college for clever, but poor girls. She's a trustee and thinks Edith should be one too because there's a hot dude who works there and he's around Edith's age. First the newspaper helper and now this guy? When it rains, it pours! Get it, Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Molesley stops Cora on the stairs to talk about Baxter. Has he not gotten the memo? Cora is NOT IN THE MOOD to hear servant sob stories this season or let anyone borrow or touch her things, geez!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy tries to murder potatoes with a spoon and then rants about how let down she is that Cora lied to her. Mrs. Patmore brings things back to reality and emphasizes that Daisy fabricated this whole thing and is maybe addicted to psychedelic shrooms or something? Daisy continues to murder the innocent potatoes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the visitors arrive and are announced. Mary is shocked to find that the Dowager's plus one's plus one is that sexy guy she went hunting with during last season's finale. Didn't I tell you?? They're totally going to get married because anything else wouldn't be predictable enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branson talks to Mary's future husband about cars and doesn't realize that this is an A and B conversation and he should C his way out of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the fireplace, the Dowager grills her friend about her nephew's prospects. 40 men would have to die before he becomes an Earl. Ouch. Too bad the Titanic is already underwater; could've treated all 40 of them to a cruise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert calls his mom and her friend out for being snobs. Glass houses, dude, glass houses. Then the Dowager puts her son in his place and wins my heart for the 7000th time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> No one has sharper eyes than a loving son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You read that somewhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Why do you never think I can make anything up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because you suck at business, aren't very bright and helped kill Sybil. That's why!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Anna is having a contraction or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, the old people fight over the usual, while Mary becomes the first person to ever flirt using the words \"guinea pigs.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, it's Mary's future husband's turn to flirt. \"Telephone me. We'll have lunch or a drink.........or something.\" Mmmhmmmmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few yards away, Cora and some others discuss how embarrassing all the fuss over the hospital is. This is true, but what's even more embarrassing is that the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are wasting the show's final episodes on such a dull storyline.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After everyone leaves, Robert clutches his side. This happened in the last episode, but I didn't mention it because I don't care about Robert. But yeah, I guess he's going to die. We all know dogs go to heaven, so Isis is accounted for. Will Robert be reunited with her or travel somewhere a bit warmer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Baxter and Thomas are both having existential crises like they're sophomore English majors high for the first time. Thomas wishes he was popular and straight like Baxter. Baxter wishes she was like Thomas (minus the gay part).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You don't care what people say, while I tremble at the mere idea of public ridicule.\" Scratch \"blogger\" from the list of pursuits Baxter might entertain after Robert dies and the family sells Downton. Thomas explains that he actually does care what people say and walks off like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20005\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" alt=\"george michael walk gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the Sergeant is back to convince Baxter to testify. She's like, \u003cem>Pass!\u003c/em> Then he guilt trips her by bringing up other victims who are now prostitutes or dead. Baxter changes her tune to \u003cem>Ugh, fiiiine.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The treasurer of the funky girls school arrives at Downton with his wife (sorry, Edith), who happens to be Gwen, a maid from season 1! She greets her former bestie Anna, but snubs Thomas (bad move).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that she has money, she's trying to downplay her time as a maid by not mentioning it at all. The rich people assemble to grill Gwen about who she is and why she came up with the school idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Gwen:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You see, I never had any higher education and so...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Who did? All we were taught was French, prejudice and dance steps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I never thought I'd say this, but Mary is quickly becoming my favorite (again, sorry, Edith).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy predicts that no one will recognize Gwen because \"they don't look us in the face.\" Mrs. Patmore rewards her right answer by calling her Karl Marx and ordering her to get back to work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Branson bonds with Gwen over marrying up and out of facelessness. Thomas looks on, full of dejected rage (which would totally be the name of his first fragrance, if he was a pop star).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After sitting down to dinner, Gwen preaches about educating women. Everyone laughs about how they wish Carson was present to say sexist things. Thomas sees his chance: \"You recall Mr Carson, madam, surely?\" Gwen's cover is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gwen explains how Sybil helped her get a secretary job. Everyone mournfully thinks about how good the show was before Robert killed Sybil with his bad decision making skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Gwen goes downstairs to hang with her former coworkers. Daisy jumps out of nowhere in front of Branson and plays her favorite broken record: MY FATHER-IN-LAW! IT'S NOT FAIR! MY DEAD HUSBAND WHO I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! RICH PEOPLE SUCK! Branson is like\u003cem> Um, woah. I'll see what I can do. Now please stop talking.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Robert corners Thomas and makes him feel bad about being evil sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary talks to Anna about how remembering Sybil makes her reevaluate being a mean snob all the time. All the talk of Sybil brings back the ghost of pregnancy problems past and Anna has a crazy cramp. They decide to hightail it to the London doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates asks 1001 questions, including \"So you're not hiding anything?\" Before he can question her about being in love with someone else, like he did last episode, Mary and Anna get in the car and drive off. Bates watches them go and thinks solemnly, \u003cem>Damn it, I have to kill again.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Bates continues being weird:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Andy:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>What's Lady Mary's emergency?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Baxter:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> It's none of our business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Very true, Miss Baxter. For once I agree with you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, why the 'tude with teary-eyed puppy Baxter? What has she ever done?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Bates continues attacking people by asking \u003cem>Ugh, Daisy, what exactly is your problem?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy explains that she's \"had enough\" and will confront Cora for \"cheating\" her father-in-law out of the farm. She slams spoons next to place settings really hard so everyone knows she means business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora convinces everyone to give the farm to Daisy's father-in-law because it's what Sybil would do (also, this is the only way to get Daisy to stop stalking her).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone tells Daisy what she's about to do is social suicide. Daisy doesn't give a you-know-what, yanks off her apron and storms upstairs to execute Cora or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora runs into Daisy and is like \u003cem>Really, girl?\u003c/em> Daisy plays her broken record yet again. I'M UPSET! Yeah, we know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert interrupts and tells Daisy to make sure to tell her father-in-law the good news. Daisy makes this face and then runs downstairs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" alt=\"miss jay shocked gif antm\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert comments on how weird Daisy is and then grabs his side again. One step closer to the grave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the doctor announces that he prevented Anna's miscarriage. Mary celebrates by making plans to go on a date with her future husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Robert tells Thomas how excited he is that Carson is coming back to fire him. Maybe the pain in Robert's side is a side effect of whatever poison Thomas is slipping into his tea? When Robert keels over, Thomas will do a tap routine over his corpse, while singing \"He Had It Coming.\" Now\u003cem> that\u003c/em> would be a proper end to this series!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary tells her future husband that she works, despite her ovaries. He doesn't set himself on fire and run around the room engulfed in flames so that's a plus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm that used to belong to Marigold's kidnapper, Daisy's father-in-law tells her how excited he is to know where he will \"lay his bones.\" Yay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates grills Anna, who has just returned. She finally tells him, \u003cem>Hey, stop brainstorming ways to kill me. I'm not cheating, just pregnant, silly! \u003c/em>Bates is moderately pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons return and everyone applauds them for being brave enough to have sex with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the rich people plan to take a field trip to the servants' hall to welcome the newlyweds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I haven't been into the kitchens for at least 20 years!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Have you got your passport?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isn't it fun when they're not talking about that boring hospital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Dowager is like \u003cem>Ew.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith announces that she plans to hire a female co-editor for the magazine. Mary says something along the lines of \u003cem>Right on, sister!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Rosamund: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>That was nice of you, to praise Edith's plan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>A monkey will type out the Bible if you leave it long enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, it's official now. Mary is my favorite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone complains about how annoying it is that they have to call Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Major foreshadowing moment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Mama's slipped away. She was tired, so I told her to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Quite right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I'm afraid she won't give up about the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I shan't think that at her funeral.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Who says she won't be at yours?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>#sidepain!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Carson announces that no one has to calls Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson. Everyone reacts like they just got out of jury duty for the rest of their lives. Nothing makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is standing around having a very bridled version of fun. Except for Thomas, of course, who looks like this all by himself in a corner:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"adele fake smile gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson heads to his old room to say goodbye to his single bed. We know how much Carson hates change (almost as much as he hates women's civil rights).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates: \u003c/strong>What are you good for? Absolutely nothing (but you're pretty good at bullying your wife).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Gwen:\u003c/strong> Good for you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>Kudos to him for his remarkable restraint that holds him back from killing those who are rude and merciless to him (everyone, but Mary).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Sybil: \u003c/strong>Sure, she's dead, but her memory was strong enough to get Daisy's annoying father-in-law a farm, convince Mary to be nicer and set Gwen up with a pretty cush life. Way to go, Sybil's ghost!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mary: \u003c/strong>She saved Anna's baby, became the first person in history to turn the term \"guinea pigs\" into something sexy, lined up a pretty cute new husband, and was nice to Edith for no reason. And that Bible-typing monkey comment? Come on. The clear winner this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It's been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\" target=\"_blank\">the Carsons got Miss Colombia'd\u003c/a> at their own wedding reception by the return of prodigal son Branson and his cute offspring. Is that incident the new thing Mrs. Hughes will spend all her time complaining about? Did she and Mr. Carson finally get it on? Will baby Sybbie and her cousins get a spin-off show? Will Thomas finally get to make out with someone? All (or none) of these questions will be answered on tonight's episode! Let's do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with Branson gazing upon Downton's ridiculously expansive grounds. He's basically the Powerball winner of 1925. What dumb luck!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back indoors, Branson tells the family about how much America sucks. He also is concerned he stole the Carsons' thunder. Uh, ya think?! Robert, always the voice of un-reason, is like \u003cem>Oh, whatever, you made the wedding less boring. I'm sure they loved it.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because it's been approximately 22 seconds since Mary and Edith got into a fight, Edith brings up the fact that Mary will probably have to give up being a feminist ball-busting Agent, now that Branson is back. Branson is like, \u003cem>I'm still jet lagged, can we not? \u003c/em>Mary makes a mental note to sharpen her switchblade.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang talks about how lame the Carsons' honeymoon destination is (because poor people hang out there) before changing the topic to Aunt Rosamund, who's coming to town to meddle in the hospital drama. Get ready for some geriatric fireworks!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An aside: Cora never eats breakfast with her family. Should we be concerned? Eating disorder? Is she the one who takes care of the kids off screen? Is she keeping watch over her coats to make sure no servants touch them with their grimy little fingers? Or does she just hate everyone too much to sit next to them at this point?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant is looking for Ms. Baxter. Seriously, why is everyone in this house not better at covering up their crimes? Anna and Bates are excited it's not them for once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas is annoyed at Mrs. Patmore for receiving the visitor 'cause that's kind of his gig. Mr. Carson is still off naked somewhere with Mrs. Hughes so Patmore steps in as Thomas' resident bully. \u003cem>You're totally going to get fired, nanny nanny boo boo! \u003c/em>Thomas needs an \"It Gets Better\" campaign so badly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is drinking tea in bed (so maybe she \u003cem>is\u003c/em> anorexic, but probably just lazy). She's complaining to Baxter about how the Dowager Countess is bringing some friend as backup for their upcoming brawl at dinner. Hey, life could be worse, Cora; Baxter could ask to borrow something. We know how you feel about that. But anyway, still all this hot and bother over this dumb hospital stuff?? Just merge! Or don't! Who cares!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson tells Mary he's a capitalist now and wants his life to be more than just Downton. Um, okay, then why did you move back? Mary is supportive with a single caveat: no more Miss Buntings (the \u003ca href=\"http://45.media.tumblr.com/26db7deea9169596d334eaaf78672b02/tumblr_nhpo74A0Zk1rjtbk7o4_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">annoying, self-righteous teacher\u003c/a> from last season, if you don't remember). Here, here!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Sergeant spills the latest criminal intrigue: he wants Baxter to testify against a purported \"handsome devil\" who makes women steal for him and then take the fall, while he walks free. He's the reason Baxter was in jail that one time. Baxter is super spooked and doesn't want to get involved. Molesley throws out a platitude: \"All that's needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.\" Baxter shoots him a withering \u003cem>You're so bloody simple!\u003c/em> look and storms out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora is annoyed because the Dowager's plus one wants to bring a plus one. It's a man so I bet you it's a new love interest for Mary because this show is not progressive enough to leave her as a badass single woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she and Anna talk about some new maids who aren't as cool as past maids. Then, talk turns to how Anna is thickening up with pregnancy. Bates assumes she's just fat because she likes pie. Then, Bates bursts in and completely ruins the vibe, which is what he does best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager and her friend talk about the hospital and I stare off into space while humming to myself until the scene is over.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is in charge and everyone has to do that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-against-the-floor thing in deference. Thomas off-handedly mentions something about properties on the estate and Daisy starts droning on about how excited she is that her father-in-law is getting the Drews' farm. When someone finally breaks it to her that she's been hallucinating this whole time, she gets very angry and clutches a water pitcher really hard. And because no scene with Thomas is complete without cute Andy spurning his advances, that happens too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a road surrounded by sheep, Edith is driving (yes! driving!) her aunt Rosamund. The car has a huge steering wheel. Rosamund tells Edith about this funky college for clever, but poor girls. She's a trustee and thinks Edith should be one too because there's a hot dude who works there and he's around Edith's age. First the newspaper helper and now this guy? When it rains, it pours! Get it, Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Molesley stops Cora on the stairs to talk about Baxter. Has he not gotten the memo? Cora is NOT IN THE MOOD to hear servant sob stories this season or let anyone borrow or touch her things, geez!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy tries to murder potatoes with a spoon and then rants about how let down she is that Cora lied to her. Mrs. Patmore brings things back to reality and emphasizes that Daisy fabricated this whole thing and is maybe addicted to psychedelic shrooms or something? Daisy continues to murder the innocent potatoes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the visitors arrive and are announced. Mary is shocked to find that the Dowager's plus one's plus one is that sexy guy she went hunting with during last season's finale. Didn't I tell you?? They're totally going to get married because anything else wouldn't be predictable enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Branson talks to Mary's future husband about cars and doesn't realize that this is an A and B conversation and he should C his way out of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the fireplace, the Dowager grills her friend about her nephew's prospects. 40 men would have to die before he becomes an Earl. Ouch. Too bad the Titanic is already underwater; could've treated all 40 of them to a cruise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert calls his mom and her friend out for being snobs. Glass houses, dude, glass houses. Then the Dowager puts her son in his place and wins my heart for the 7000th time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> No one has sharper eyes than a loving son.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You read that somewhere.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Why do you never think I can make anything up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because you suck at business, aren't very bright and helped kill Sybil. That's why!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Anna is having a contraction or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, the old people fight over the usual, while Mary becomes the first person to ever flirt using the words \"guinea pigs.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, it's Mary's future husband's turn to flirt. \"Telephone me. We'll have lunch or a drink.........or something.\" Mmmhmmmmm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few yards away, Cora and some others discuss how embarrassing all the fuss over the hospital is. This is true, but what's even more embarrassing is that the\u003cem> Downton\u003c/em> writers are wasting the show's final episodes on such a dull storyline.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After everyone leaves, Robert clutches his side. This happened in the last episode, but I didn't mention it because I don't care about Robert. But yeah, I guess he's going to die. We all know dogs go to heaven, so Isis is accounted for. Will Robert be reunited with her or travel somewhere a bit warmer?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Baxter and Thomas are both having existential crises like they're sophomore English majors high for the first time. Thomas wishes he was popular and straight like Baxter. Baxter wishes she was like Thomas (minus the gay part).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"You don't care what people say, while I tremble at the mere idea of public ridicule.\" Scratch \"blogger\" from the list of pursuits Baxter might entertain after Robert dies and the family sells Downton. Thomas explains that he actually does care what people say and walks off like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20005\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/j6ZBj.gif\" alt=\"george michael walk gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the Sergeant is back to convince Baxter to testify. She's like, \u003cem>Pass!\u003c/em> Then he guilt trips her by bringing up other victims who are now prostitutes or dead. Baxter changes her tune to \u003cem>Ugh, fiiiine.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The treasurer of the funky girls school arrives at Downton with his wife (sorry, Edith), who happens to be Gwen, a maid from season 1! She greets her former bestie Anna, but snubs Thomas (bad move).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that she has money, she's trying to downplay her time as a maid by not mentioning it at all. The rich people assemble to grill Gwen about who she is and why she came up with the school idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Gwen:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You see, I never had any higher education and so...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Who did? All we were taught was French, prejudice and dance steps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I never thought I'd say this, but Mary is quickly becoming my favorite (again, sorry, Edith).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy predicts that no one will recognize Gwen because \"they don't look us in the face.\" Mrs. Patmore rewards her right answer by calling her Karl Marx and ordering her to get back to work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Branson bonds with Gwen over marrying up and out of facelessness. Thomas looks on, full of dejected rage (which would totally be the name of his first fragrance, if he was a pop star).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After sitting down to dinner, Gwen preaches about educating women. Everyone laughs about how they wish Carson was present to say sexist things. Thomas sees his chance: \"You recall Mr Carson, madam, surely?\" Gwen's cover is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gwen explains how Sybil helped her get a secretary job. Everyone mournfully thinks about how good the show was before Robert killed Sybil with his bad decision making skills.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Gwen goes downstairs to hang with her former coworkers. Daisy jumps out of nowhere in front of Branson and plays her favorite broken record: MY FATHER-IN-LAW! IT'S NOT FAIR! MY DEAD HUSBAND WHO I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! RICH PEOPLE SUCK! Branson is like\u003cem> Um, woah. I'll see what I can do. Now please stop talking.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Robert corners Thomas and makes him feel bad about being evil sometimes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary talks to Anna about how remembering Sybil makes her reevaluate being a mean snob all the time. All the talk of Sybil brings back the ghost of pregnancy problems past and Anna has a crazy cramp. They decide to hightail it to the London doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates asks 1001 questions, including \"So you're not hiding anything?\" Before he can question her about being in love with someone else, like he did last episode, Mary and Anna get in the car and drive off. Bates watches them go and thinks solemnly, \u003cem>Damn it, I have to kill again.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Bates continues being weird:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Andy:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>What's Lady Mary's emergency?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Baxter:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> It's none of our business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Very true, Miss Baxter. For once I agree with you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, why the 'tude with teary-eyed puppy Baxter? What has she ever done?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Bates continues attacking people by asking \u003cem>Ugh, Daisy, what exactly is your problem?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy explains that she's \"had enough\" and will confront Cora for \"cheating\" her father-in-law out of the farm. She slams spoons next to place settings really hard so everyone knows she means business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora convinces everyone to give the farm to Daisy's father-in-law because it's what Sybil would do (also, this is the only way to get Daisy to stop stalking her).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone tells Daisy what she's about to do is social suicide. Daisy doesn't give a you-know-what, yanks off her apron and storms upstairs to execute Cora or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora runs into Daisy and is like \u003cem>Really, girl?\u003c/em> Daisy plays her broken record yet again. I'M UPSET! Yeah, we know.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert interrupts and tells Daisy to make sure to tell her father-in-law the good news. Daisy makes this face and then runs downstairs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/99603862.gif\" alt=\"miss jay shocked gif antm\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert comments on how weird Daisy is and then grabs his side again. One step closer to the grave.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the doctor announces that he prevented Anna's miscarriage. Mary celebrates by making plans to go on a date with her future husband.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Robert tells Thomas how excited he is that Carson is coming back to fire him. Maybe the pain in Robert's side is a side effect of whatever poison Thomas is slipping into his tea? When Robert keels over, Thomas will do a tap routine over his corpse, while singing \"He Had It Coming.\" Now\u003cem> that\u003c/em> would be a proper end to this series!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary tells her future husband that she works, despite her ovaries. He doesn't set himself on fire and run around the room engulfed in flames so that's a plus.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the farm that used to belong to Marigold's kidnapper, Daisy's father-in-law tells her how excited he is to know where he will \"lay his bones.\" Yay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Bates grills Anna, who has just returned. She finally tells him, \u003cem>Hey, stop brainstorming ways to kill me. I'm not cheating, just pregnant, silly! \u003c/em>Bates is moderately pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons return and everyone applauds them for being brave enough to have sex with each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, all the rich people plan to take a field trip to the servants' hall to welcome the newlyweds.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>The Dowager:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I haven't been into the kitchens for at least 20 years!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Have you got your passport?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Isn't it fun when they're not talking about that boring hospital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Dowager is like \u003cem>Ew.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith announces that she plans to hire a female co-editor for the magazine. Mary says something along the lines of \u003cem>Right on, sister!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Rosamund: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>That was nice of you, to praise Edith's plan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>A monkey will type out the Bible if you leave it long enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, it's official now. Mary is my favorite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone complains about how annoying it is that they have to call Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Major foreshadowing moment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Mama's slipped away. She was tired, so I told her to go.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Quite right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I'm afraid she won't give up about the hospital.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I shan't think that at her funeral.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Rosamund:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Who says she won't be at yours?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>#sidepain!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Carson announces that no one has to calls Mrs. Hughes Mrs. Carson. Everyone reacts like they just got out of jury duty for the rest of their lives. Nothing makes sense.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is standing around having a very bridled version of fun. Except for Thomas, of course, who looks like this all by himself in a corner:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"adele fake smile gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson heads to his old room to say goodbye to his single bed. We know how much Carson hates change (almost as much as he hates women's civil rights).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates: \u003c/strong>What are you good for? Absolutely nothing (but you're pretty good at bullying your wife).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Gwen:\u003c/strong> Good for you, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>Kudos to him for his remarkable restraint that holds him back from killing those who are rude and merciless to him (everyone, but Mary).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Sybil: \u003c/strong>Sure, she's dead, but her memory was strong enough to get Daisy's annoying father-in-law a farm, convince Mary to be nicer and set Gwen up with a pretty cush life. Way to go, Sybil's ghost!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mary: \u003c/strong>She saved Anna's baby, became the first person in history to turn the term \"guinea pigs\" into something sexy, lined up a pretty cute new husband, and was nice to Edith for no reason. And that Bible-typing monkey comment? Come on. The clear winner this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love",
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"content": "\u003cp>It's that time again! Only two episodes deep and we've already experienced an abduction, a miscarriage, an exoneration and a formal let's-get-butt-naked-in-front-of-each-other-and-have-sex-instead-of-living-as-creepy-siblings agreement. What will happen next?? (Hopefully some clock winding for Thomas!) \u003cstrong>Note:\u003c/strong> if you don't get my clock winding reference, you're a bad person who didn't read \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">my recap from last week\u003c/a>. Make it right! For the rest of you, onward!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with a bustling kitchen. Mrs. Patmore orders Daisy to put something in the oven. The camera moves away before Daisy can stand on a soap box and shout: \"DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore follows Mrs. Hughes upstairs, who is \u003cstrong>still\u003c/strong> complaining about her wedding. Thomas won't be able to get married for another 90 years, but you don't hear him complaining, do you? Instead, he spends his days seducing cute straight boys and plotting to kill rude straight boys. Mrs. Hughes should take a page out of his book and get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Mrs. Hughes really hates hors d'oeuvres and how rich people \"stand about with nibbly bits stuck in their teeth.\" She wants her wedding to be less stuffy and more turnt, but Carson won't let her. \u003cem>Wahhhh, I have to have my wedding in a palatial English mansion for free! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tries to convince Mrs. Hughes to order a wedding dress from a catalogue and explains how easy it would be. Hughes responds: \"I know what a catalogue is, thank you!\" Okay, time out. Dear ungrateful Mrs. Hughes, you wouldn't even be getting married in the first place, if your BFF Patmore hadn't brokered that sex accord on your behalf. Put a little gratitude in your attitude, okay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes shows Mrs. Patmore the brown dress she plans to wear on her wedding day. Mrs. Patmore's response is the 1925 version of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Dowager Countess checks to see if a side table is dusty. The scene could honestly end there and I would be happy. Instead, her ineffectual son strolls in and they talk about the hospital drama. She insists he stop talking to anyone who isn't her (not a terrible life goal).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> You can't expect me to avoid talking to my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Dowager Countess:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Why not? I know several couples who are perfectly happy, haven't spoken in years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hear that, unhappily married folk? Scrap those marriage counseling appointments and keep living it up in your separate bedrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith comes in and her relatives notice for once. She's heading to London to get yelled at by her sexist editor some more. Granny is concerned about the propriety of a young woman staying in a city flat alone. Edith is like \u003cem>Don't worry. I'm middle-aged and repulsive. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer\" width=\"289\" height=\"308\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary comes in and mentions her traitorous mother, Cora. The Countess is like \u003cem>Ew, I'm out of here.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Why not stay and say hello?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Dowager Countess:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Oh, I have a feeling Cora and I will be saying \"Hello\" rather less than \"En garde!\" in the next few weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Countess then pretends her walking stick is a sword. I repeat, the Countess pretends her walking stick is a sword!!! Cora and Isobel better watch their backs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at chez Countess, Spratt is minding his own business, playing with his stamp collection. Miss Denker shows up to tell him his pastime is stupid. Such a mean drunk!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone rings at the door and Spratt answers. He seems freaked and won't tell Miss Denker who it was. Here's hoping it was the horny Russian dude from last season so the Countess' storyline can be about more than just some dumb hospital no one cares about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's room, she and Anna wonder why Edith doesn't just fire the sexist. Good question! \"Unless she enjoys racing up to London in a swirling cloud of crisis and drama.\" Ding, ding, ding! Sorry, Edith, I root for you always, but sometimes Mary is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary reads a letter from Branson aloud. He's depressed and homesick 'cause wouldn't you be if you moved to Boston?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna then shares some news: she might be pregnant again! Mary exclaims that Bates has really powerful sperm. Then, as if asked to sum up her entire existence in just six words, Anna utters the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How exciting!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I don't want to be excited.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yep, that about sums her up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, cute Andy asks Thomas if he's looking for a new job in the paper. Thomas flirts back, \"I might be. Would you be sorry?\" And then they play spin the bottle and kiss for a really long time because rules are rules. Sigh. You know they don't, but I have a dream! Make it so, Julian Fellowes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, cousin Isobel is gloating about her rivalry with the Countess because it's the only thing that makes her relevant. Her face has an upcoming date with a certain walking stick/pretend sword.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora asks Carson to bring Mrs. Hughes upstairs for a chat. Everyone is shocked. \u003cem>But she's poor and we're eating!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Daisy is talking about Cora maybe helping her evicted father-in-law because Downton writers can't help but beat their storylines like decomposing horses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mrs. Hughes awkwardly is like \u003cem>Uhh, what do you want? \u003c/em>Cora apologizes for putting her on the spot and then does just that. Mrs. Hughes is forced to explain why she doesn't want an hors d'oeuvres kind of reception in front of rich people who love hors d'oeuvres. It's awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hughes' list of demands:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>a proper breakfast\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tables and chairs\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>a guest list that includes poor people\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>the schoolhouse as the venue\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tunes\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>for things to turn into a \"hooley\" (I had to look this up; it's Irish slang for a rager)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Mary's rebuttal:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" alt=\"veruca salt gif tantrum\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is decided Hughes will have her hooley, after all. Carson and Mrs. Hughes leave the room and Mary turns on her mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Why did we have to listen to that?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora: \u003c/em>\u003c/strong>I want you to stop bullying them and let them do it their way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You think I'm a bully? I think you're a snob!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How do you make that out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[Carson walks back in just in time to hear:]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>She didn't want the bother of a servants' wedding in the hall!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hides their faces in tiny tea cups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, the Countess wants some hot chocolate before being tucked in. Instead of going off to make it, Denker attempts to gossip about Spratt's personal life. The Countess is like \u003cem>I don't know and I don't care! Now go make me a warm delicious beverage and don't you dare spit in it! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Robert celebrate Thomas maybe getting another job. Okay, I know Thomas is sneaky and always up to something, but he's been pretty chill in recent years. \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnrhzrBtw61qc9z2jo1_400.gif\" target=\"_blank\">Leave him alone!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith runs into an acquaintance and says various glass-half-empty type things. \u003cem>Ugh, I have a magazine. Ugh, I miss my daught...uhhh, I mean, the random child who stays with my family for no reason.\u003c/em> He is charmed for some reason and asks her out. Her super sexy reply: \"Well, it will have to be near the office.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in Yorkshire, Thomas is at his job interview. The place is \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> without the cats, raccoons and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_0IhqWd6fE\" target=\"_blank\">patriotic dancing\u003c/a>. The only furniture is a table with a dead bear on it, two couches piled high with old newspapers and a fireplace grate draped with underwear. Employer dude is not all there because his wife died and his two sons never came back from the war, but he's kind of a poet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Do you know what I shall always remember? The women going up to bed at the end of the evening. Their faces lit by the flame from the candle. Yes, diamonds twinkling as they climbed up into the darkness.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19941\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19941\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying gif\" width=\"350\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the moving recitation, T.S. Eliot starts randomly freaking out about Thomas maybe being a Republican. If we lived in an alternate universe where I had paid attention in my high school History class, this is where I would place this scene into context by dropping some early 20th century political knowledge. Instead, all you're going to get is this: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ .\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Edith's newspaper, Sexist Editor is going off again. Emboldened by her happy hour date, Edith fires him in a polite, British way. A random feminist secretary watches it all go down from the hallway and reacts like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"yass queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now they have to put together the magazine themselves in just nine hours! But -- oh no! -- Edith forgot all about her date! She runs to the bar and explains the situation. He's down to help. I wouldn't be surprised if they're married by the end of the episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs back at Downton, Molesley helps Daisy study and then spills about the Drews being run out of town because of that unsavory kidnapping business. Daisy is stoked. Her father-in-law can take their house! Let's hope that happens so we can put this dull storyline to bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Countess' pad, the police chief stops by. Apparently, Spratt's nephew broke out of jail and is now on the run. So I guess we're not going to get a sequel to the Dowager/Russian dude fling, like I hoped. Denker lies to the cop so that she can blackmail Spratt until the end of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith learns how to collage and they meet their deadline. The magazine is saved! Baby's first 9 hour work day! Edith and her date take turns complimenting each other and then discuss how sad a future without servants will be.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore shows Anna and Daisy a catalogue dress she secretly ordered for Mrs. Hughes. It's their turn to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Early the next morning, Baxter helps Cora get ready for the day, while Robert snores a few feet away (you know, 'cause it isn't awkward enough dressing a grown woman).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Cora runs into Daisy, who immediately goes into her \u003cem>Thank you m'lady for helping my father-in-law even though you haven't actually said you would \u003c/em>routine. Mrs. Hughes eventually breaks it up and Cora holds herself back from screaming, \u003cem>Keep the riffraff away from me, goddamnit!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna tells her about the ugly effing catalogue dress. Mary offers to let Mrs. Hughes borrow an evening coat of her mother's (revenge for Cora calling Mary a bully earlier?). This should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes complains about her lame dress some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Doctor Clarkson's office, all the old people argue about the hospital merger again because we haven't already had 52 scenes of them doing that. Cousin Isobel, not content to just gloat for all eternity, insults Clarkson by suggesting that he's just sour because he won't be important once other doctors show up. The Countess does the verbal equivalent of striking Isobel in the face with her walking stick: \"Did you drink at luncheon?\" Pow!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, cute Andy still isn't gay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith's editorial victory is celebrated by Robert and tolerated by Mary. Cora comes in to complain about her \"ghastly\" afternoon and runs upstairs in a fit before Mary can tell her about that whole business about a poor person wearing her clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Anna are in the middle of helping Mrs. Hughes try on a long fur coat when Cora bursts in and goes berserk. Hell hath no fury like a rich person who hasn't had their afternoon nap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna later tells Mary that her mom treated them like thieves and unnecessarily gave Mrs. Hughes yet another wedding-related thing to complain about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary storms into her parents' room to ask WTF. Robert tries to use the fact that Cora had to watch old people fight about boring stuff that afternoon as an excuse for her behavior. Mary keeps it real: \"Does that excuse insulting a woman who has served us faithfully for many years, who simply wanted something nice to be married in?\" Mary does have a heart!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas underlines the real trauma of the whole ugly incident: \"Typical though, isn't it? 30 years of service, one wrong move, and snap, you're out on your ear.\" Carson, ever the aristocracy apologist, is like \u003cem>Nu uh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And because she can apparently only hold one single thought in her head at a time, Daisy randomly brings up her father-in-law again. You were barely married to that dude! No one cares!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes and Patmore roll their eyes about Cora, which is Cora's cue to come in and apologize and hand over a free coat (Mrs. Hughes' poverty-stricken, oily fingers already touched it so it was ruined anyway).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, the girl servants excitedly wake up Mrs. Hughes who has her hair in a super long braid (what other secrets does Mrs. Hughes keep from us?!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Molesley presents Carson with white rose boutonnières for the wedding. They're meant to be worn by the ushers. Carson is like \u003cem>But I don't have any friends, except Lady Mary. Oh, F it, take one and give one to cute Andy and none for Thomas. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the church where we're finally getting this wedding over with. Part of Carson's vows are \"With my body, I thee worship.\" Yeah, I bet you will the second your anti-hors d'oeuvre hooley reception ends, you minx!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Mr. and Mrs. Carson receive their guests and pretend not to hate Cora.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Spratt is minding his business, when Denker comes up and whispers threats in his ear. Can I order one cane to the face please?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Anna's happiness is darkened by her rain cloud of a husband. \"You would tell me if you'd fallen in love with someone else?\" Where did that even come from? So insecure and creepy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesley points out Daisy to the schoolmaster and talks up what a good student she's become.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schoolmaster:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Have you missed your vocation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Molesely:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I've missed everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>:-*(((((((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy and her father-in-law go up to Cora and thank her so much for something she has no intention of actually doing. It's super awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gives a toast and the (for the most part) happy couple kiss, but everyone looks away and starts freaking out over something else because Tom Branson and Sybbie are back from their passage through hell a.k.a. Boston!!! Thunder: stolen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons are Miss Colombia, Tom and Sybbie are Miss Philippines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19946\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19946\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"colombia miss universe crown gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nBranson explains how Downton rules and America drools. Everyone gets excited about his comeback because there haven't been any hot boys at the Abbey in a long while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sybbie, George and Marigold group hug. Everyone goes awwww!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Sharing is caring, especially when you own 5000 coats. Check yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Thanks for bringing your hot face back to Downton.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>T.S. Eliot Interviewer Dude:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>His hard circumstances transformed him into a wordsmith butterfly. I hope Edith's buddy Virginia Woolf invites him to be part of her Bloomsbury clique so he doesn't have to spend the rest of his days sitting on that ratty couch watching his underwear dry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Hang in there, buddy. If there is justice in this world, cute Andy is just severely closeted and you will eventually get yours. <3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Dowager Countess: \u003c/strong>Everything she says is gold, everything she touches is dusty and every accessory she owns also can serve as a weapon in a pinch. She has it all figured out (well, except \u003ca href=\"http://tribzap2it.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/downton-abbey-lady-violet-gif-season-1-episode-2-2.gif?w=480&h=360\" target=\"_blank\">what weekends are\u003c/a>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19954\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19954\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" alt=\"dowager countess gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It's that time again! Only two episodes deep and we've already experienced an abduction, a miscarriage, an exoneration and a formal let's-get-butt-naked-in-front-of-each-other-and-have-sex-instead-of-living-as-creepy-siblings agreement. What will happen next?? (Hopefully some clock winding for Thomas!) \u003cstrong>Note:\u003c/strong> if you don't get my clock winding reference, you're a bad person who didn't read \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">my recap from last week\u003c/a>. Make it right! For the rest of you, onward!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show opens with a bustling kitchen. Mrs. Patmore orders Daisy to put something in the oven. The camera moves away before Daisy can stand on a soap box and shout: \"DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore follows Mrs. Hughes upstairs, who is \u003cstrong>still\u003c/strong> complaining about her wedding. Thomas won't be able to get married for another 90 years, but you don't hear him complaining, do you? Instead, he spends his days seducing cute straight boys and plotting to kill rude straight boys. Mrs. Hughes should take a page out of his book and get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, Mrs. Hughes really hates hors d'oeuvres and how rich people \"stand about with nibbly bits stuck in their teeth.\" She wants her wedding to be less stuffy and more turnt, but Carson won't let her. \u003cem>Wahhhh, I have to have my wedding in a palatial English mansion for free! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tries to convince Mrs. Hughes to order a wedding dress from a catalogue and explains how easy it would be. Hughes responds: \"I know what a catalogue is, thank you!\" Okay, time out. Dear ungrateful Mrs. Hughes, you wouldn't even be getting married in the first place, if your BFF Patmore hadn't brokered that sex accord on your behalf. Put a little gratitude in your attitude, okay?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes shows Mrs. Patmore the brown dress she plans to wear on her wedding day. Mrs. Patmore's response is the 1925 version of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room, the Dowager Countess checks to see if a side table is dusty. The scene could honestly end there and I would be happy. Instead, her ineffectual son strolls in and they talk about the hospital drama. She insists he stop talking to anyone who isn't her (not a terrible life goal).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> You can't expect me to avoid talking to my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Dowager Countess:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> Why not? I know several couples who are perfectly happy, haven't spoken in years.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hear that, unhappily married folk? Scrap those marriage counseling appointments and keep living it up in your separate bedrooms.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith comes in and her relatives notice for once. She's heading to London to get yelled at by her sexist editor some more. Granny is concerned about the propriety of a young woman staying in a city flat alone. Edith is like \u003cem>Don't worry. I'm middle-aged and repulsive. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_mlxakp15K61s0pj15o1_400.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer\" width=\"289\" height=\"308\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary comes in and mentions her traitorous mother, Cora. The Countess is like \u003cem>Ew, I'm out of here.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Why not stay and say hello?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Dowager Countess:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Oh, I have a feeling Cora and I will be saying \"Hello\" rather less than \"En garde!\" in the next few weeks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Countess then pretends her walking stick is a sword. I repeat, the Countess pretends her walking stick is a sword!!! Cora and Isobel better watch their backs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at chez Countess, Spratt is minding his own business, playing with his stamp collection. Miss Denker shows up to tell him his pastime is stupid. Such a mean drunk!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone rings at the door and Spratt answers. He seems freaked and won't tell Miss Denker who it was. Here's hoping it was the horny Russian dude from last season so the Countess' storyline can be about more than just some dumb hospital no one cares about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's room, she and Anna wonder why Edith doesn't just fire the sexist. Good question! \"Unless she enjoys racing up to London in a swirling cloud of crisis and drama.\" Ding, ding, ding! Sorry, Edith, I root for you always, but sometimes Mary is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary reads a letter from Branson aloud. He's depressed and homesick 'cause wouldn't you be if you moved to Boston?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna then shares some news: she might be pregnant again! Mary exclaims that Bates has really powerful sperm. Then, as if asked to sum up her entire existence in just six words, Anna utters the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How exciting!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> I don't want to be excited.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yep, that about sums her up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, cute Andy asks Thomas if he's looking for a new job in the paper. Thomas flirts back, \"I might be. Would you be sorry?\" And then they play spin the bottle and kiss for a really long time because rules are rules. Sigh. You know they don't, but I have a dream! Make it so, Julian Fellowes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, cousin Isobel is gloating about her rivalry with the Countess because it's the only thing that makes her relevant. Her face has an upcoming date with a certain walking stick/pretend sword.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora asks Carson to bring Mrs. Hughes upstairs for a chat. Everyone is shocked. \u003cem>But she's poor and we're eating!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Daisy is talking about Cora maybe helping her evicted father-in-law because Downton writers can't help but beat their storylines like decomposing horses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mrs. Hughes awkwardly is like \u003cem>Uhh, what do you want? \u003c/em>Cora apologizes for putting her on the spot and then does just that. Mrs. Hughes is forced to explain why she doesn't want an hors d'oeuvres kind of reception in front of rich people who love hors d'oeuvres. It's awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hughes' list of demands:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>a proper breakfast\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tables and chairs\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>a guest list that includes poor people\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>the schoolhouse as the venue\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>tunes\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>for things to turn into a \"hooley\" (I had to look this up; it's Irish slang for a rager)\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Mary's rebuttal:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/lXlOWw.gif\" alt=\"veruca salt gif tantrum\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It is decided Hughes will have her hooley, after all. Carson and Mrs. Hughes leave the room and Mary turns on her mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>Why did we have to listen to that?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora: \u003c/em>\u003c/strong>I want you to stop bullying them and let them do it their way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> You think I'm a bully? I think you're a snob!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Isobel:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> How do you make that out?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[Carson walks back in just in time to hear:]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Mary:\u003c/em> \u003c/strong>She didn't want the bother of a servants' wedding in the hall!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hides their faces in tiny tea cups.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, the Countess wants some hot chocolate before being tucked in. Instead of going off to make it, Denker attempts to gossip about Spratt's personal life. The Countess is like \u003cem>I don't know and I don't care! Now go make me a warm delicious beverage and don't you dare spit in it! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Robert celebrate Thomas maybe getting another job. Okay, I know Thomas is sneaky and always up to something, but he's been pretty chill in recent years. \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnrhzrBtw61qc9z2jo1_400.gif\" target=\"_blank\">Leave him alone!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith runs into an acquaintance and says various glass-half-empty type things. \u003cem>Ugh, I have a magazine. Ugh, I miss my daught...uhhh, I mean, the random child who stays with my family for no reason.\u003c/em> He is charmed for some reason and asks her out. Her super sexy reply: \"Well, it will have to be near the office.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in Yorkshire, Thomas is at his job interview. The place is \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> without the cats, raccoons and \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_0IhqWd6fE\" target=\"_blank\">patriotic dancing\u003c/a>. The only furniture is a table with a dead bear on it, two couches piled high with old newspapers and a fireplace grate draped with underwear. Employer dude is not all there because his wife died and his two sons never came back from the war, but he's kind of a poet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Do you know what I shall always remember? The women going up to bed at the end of the evening. Their faces lit by the flame from the candle. Yes, diamonds twinkling as they climbed up into the darkness.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19941\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19941\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/1361.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying gif\" width=\"350\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the moving recitation, T.S. Eliot starts randomly freaking out about Thomas maybe being a Republican. If we lived in an alternate universe where I had paid attention in my high school History class, this is where I would place this scene into context by dropping some early 20th century political knowledge. Instead, all you're going to get is this: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ .\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Edith's newspaper, Sexist Editor is going off again. Emboldened by her happy hour date, Edith fires him in a polite, British way. A random feminist secretary watches it all go down from the hallway and reacts like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"yass queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now they have to put together the magazine themselves in just nine hours! But -- oh no! -- Edith forgot all about her date! She runs to the bar and explains the situation. He's down to help. I wouldn't be surprised if they're married by the end of the episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs back at Downton, Molesley helps Daisy study and then spills about the Drews being run out of town because of that unsavory kidnapping business. Daisy is stoked. Her father-in-law can take their house! Let's hope that happens so we can put this dull storyline to bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Countess' pad, the police chief stops by. Apparently, Spratt's nephew broke out of jail and is now on the run. So I guess we're not going to get a sequel to the Dowager/Russian dude fling, like I hoped. Denker lies to the cop so that she can blackmail Spratt until the end of time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith learns how to collage and they meet their deadline. The magazine is saved! Baby's first 9 hour work day! Edith and her date take turns complimenting each other and then discuss how sad a future without servants will be.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore shows Anna and Daisy a catalogue dress she secretly ordered for Mrs. Hughes. It's their turn to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19933\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19933\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ugliest-skirt.gif\" alt=\"ugliest skirt mean girls gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Early the next morning, Baxter helps Cora get ready for the day, while Robert snores a few feet away (you know, 'cause it isn't awkward enough dressing a grown woman).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Cora runs into Daisy, who immediately goes into her \u003cem>Thank you m'lady for helping my father-in-law even though you haven't actually said you would \u003c/em>routine. Mrs. Hughes eventually breaks it up and Cora holds herself back from screaming, \u003cem>Keep the riffraff away from me, goddamnit!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna tells her about the ugly effing catalogue dress. Mary offers to let Mrs. Hughes borrow an evening coat of her mother's (revenge for Cora calling Mary a bully earlier?). This should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes complains about her lame dress some more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Doctor Clarkson's office, all the old people argue about the hospital merger again because we haven't already had 52 scenes of them doing that. Cousin Isobel, not content to just gloat for all eternity, insults Clarkson by suggesting that he's just sour because he won't be important once other doctors show up. The Countess does the verbal equivalent of striking Isobel in the face with her walking stick: \"Did you drink at luncheon?\" Pow!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, cute Andy still isn't gay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith's editorial victory is celebrated by Robert and tolerated by Mary. Cora comes in to complain about her \"ghastly\" afternoon and runs upstairs in a fit before Mary can tell her about that whole business about a poor person wearing her clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore and Anna are in the middle of helping Mrs. Hughes try on a long fur coat when Cora bursts in and goes berserk. Hell hath no fury like a rich person who hasn't had their afternoon nap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna later tells Mary that her mom treated them like thieves and unnecessarily gave Mrs. Hughes yet another wedding-related thing to complain about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary storms into her parents' room to ask WTF. Robert tries to use the fact that Cora had to watch old people fight about boring stuff that afternoon as an excuse for her behavior. Mary keeps it real: \"Does that excuse insulting a woman who has served us faithfully for many years, who simply wanted something nice to be married in?\" Mary does have a heart!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas underlines the real trauma of the whole ugly incident: \"Typical though, isn't it? 30 years of service, one wrong move, and snap, you're out on your ear.\" Carson, ever the aristocracy apologist, is like \u003cem>Nu uh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And because she can apparently only hold one single thought in her head at a time, Daisy randomly brings up her father-in-law again. You were barely married to that dude! No one cares!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes and Patmore roll their eyes about Cora, which is Cora's cue to come in and apologize and hand over a free coat (Mrs. Hughes' poverty-stricken, oily fingers already touched it so it was ruined anyway).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, the girl servants excitedly wake up Mrs. Hughes who has her hair in a super long braid (what other secrets does Mrs. Hughes keep from us?!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Molesley presents Carson with white rose boutonnières for the wedding. They're meant to be worn by the ushers. Carson is like \u003cem>But I don't have any friends, except Lady Mary. Oh, F it, take one and give one to cute Andy and none for Thomas. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the church where we're finally getting this wedding over with. Part of Carson's vows are \"With my body, I thee worship.\" Yeah, I bet you will the second your anti-hors d'oeuvre hooley reception ends, you minx!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Mr. and Mrs. Carson receive their guests and pretend not to hate Cora.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few paces away, Spratt is minding his business, when Denker comes up and whispers threats in his ear. Can I order one cane to the face please?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Anna's happiness is darkened by her rain cloud of a husband. \"You would tell me if you'd fallen in love with someone else?\" Where did that even come from? So insecure and creepy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesley points out Daisy to the schoolmaster and talks up what a good student she's become.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Schoolmaster:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>Have you missed your vocation?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Molesely:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I've missed everything.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>:-*(((((((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy and her father-in-law go up to Cora and thank her so much for something she has no intention of actually doing. It's super awkward.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson gives a toast and the (for the most part) happy couple kiss, but everyone looks away and starts freaking out over something else because Tom Branson and Sybbie are back from their passage through hell a.k.a. Boston!!! Thunder: stolen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Carsons are Miss Colombia, Tom and Sybbie are Miss Philippines.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19946\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19946\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"colombia miss universe crown gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nBranson explains how Downton rules and America drools. Everyone gets excited about his comeback because there haven't been any hot boys at the Abbey in a long while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sybbie, George and Marigold group hug. Everyone goes awwww!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Sharing is caring, especially when you own 5000 coats. Check yourself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Branson\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Thanks for bringing your hot face back to Downton.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>T.S. Eliot Interviewer Dude:\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>His hard circumstances transformed him into a wordsmith butterfly. I hope Edith's buddy Virginia Woolf invites him to be part of her Bloomsbury clique so he doesn't have to spend the rest of his days sitting on that ratty couch watching his underwear dry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> Hang in there, buddy. If there is justice in this world, cute Andy is just severely closeted and you will eventually get yours. <3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Dowager Countess: \u003c/strong>Everything she says is gold, everything she touches is dusty and every accessory she owns also can serve as a weapon in a pinch. She has it all figured out (well, except \u003ca href=\"http://tribzap2it.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/downton-abbey-lady-violet-gif-season-1-episode-2-2.gif?w=480&h=360\" target=\"_blank\">what weekends are\u003c/a>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19954\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19954\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/507a2c80-1e23-4f2f-8233-8d622f9ddf86.gif\" alt=\"dowager countess gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby",
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"content": "\u003cp>Did you cool down from all that hanky panky talk in \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">last week's season premiere\u003c/a>? Yeah, me neither, but the show must go on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A stranger cycles towards the Abbey. He might just be the mailman. Or he's arrived to either blackmail Lady Mary for having sex or accuse Bates or Anna of killing some rando. If it's the latter, I quit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy runs around with a plate of butter being cute. Other less cute people also do stuff. Molesley irons the pages of a newspaper (think about this next time a Crawley boo-hoos over not having as much money as in the good ol' days).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and his second and third favorite daughters (R.I.P. Sybil) gossip about Rose. Remember her? She dated a black jazz musician and married a Jewish dude from a broken home? The scandal! Well, she has a Hamptons house now and might be pregnant. Here's hoping Robert isn't in charge of medical decisions during her delivery (again, R.I.P. Sybil).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone downstairs wants to speak to the Agent of the estate. Mary, who has taken over those duties, says \"I want to be left to manage him. It's my job!\" Carson stops in his tracks and raises his eyebrows. He holds back from screaming: \"But you have ovaries!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert asks Carson about his wedding a.k.a. the day he and Mrs. Hughes start having all the sex. Carson shares that they've set a date, but are still looking for a place to hold the reception. Mary says, \u003cem>Here, duh!\u003c/em> Robert comes in for the assist and...fails miserably, as he almost always does. \"We can decorate the servants hall and make it look really special.\" This statement is the sequel to \"Let them eat cake.\" Off with his super rich, blinded-by-a-lifetime-of-privilege head!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary gets this and reprimands her embarrassing dad: \"I don't want to discuss it now in a rush. We'll have a proper conversation later.\" *cue a chorus of middle schoolers saying oooooo after a classmate is called to the principal's office*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Did you notice that everyone completely ignored Edith's existence and the two things she said in this scene? You probably ignored her too! No wonder Cora didn't even bother showing up to this lame breakfast. These people don't appreciate a fine woman when she's sipping tea right in front of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley brings up that time Daisy lost her sh*t on her father-in-law's new landlord and ensured his eviction. Daisy self-flogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Agent-seeker meets with Mary. She breaks her new role to him and he tries not to burn everything to the ground. They talk about pigs a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk outside, Mrs. Hughes incredulously repeats Robert's version of \"Let them eat cake\" to Carson. Have her reception in the servants hall? As if! She doesn't want to be a servant on her wedding day. Carson counters: \u003cem>But we'll still invite these rich people who don't actually value me at all, but whom I live to serve, right???\u003c/em> Mrs. Hughes gives him a side-eye and then this exchange takes place:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"Why? Did you think you would have to get married without Lady Mary to witness it?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"She's an important figure in my life, Mrs. Hughes. I won't apologize.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one said marriage was easy, y'all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's mansion, cousin Isobel, Robert, the doctor whose name I never remember, and the Countess sit around and argue some more about this hospital take-over. Robert says something glib about wanting to save lives. His mother hits back: \"If you can't say anything helpful, Robert, please be silent.\" Although a bit long, this should have been the title of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel wants to get Cora involved because she knows Cora agrees with her side of things. I don't 100% understand what all this fuss is about and why it deserves a multi-episode arc, but I always side with the Dowager. Dear cousin Isobel, know your place. You just got here.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the newbie footman Andy talks about how he likes it there and wants to walk and explore more. Thomas offers to join because Andy is cute and Thomas hasn't gotten some in a while. Andy says something to the effect of \u003cem>no homo\u003c/em>. Mrs. Hughes agrees. Why is she so invested in keeping Thomas celibate? Just 'cause you have issues with your body and sex doesn't mean others can't get some. Let Thomas live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, Carson makes fun of the fact that Thomas might be laid off soon. I hope you're not a fan of Mrs. Hughes and Carson 'cause their wedding is shaping up to be a reprise of the wedding in \u003cem>Kill Bill\u003c/em>. \u003cstrong>13-year-old spoiler:\u003c/strong> It's bloody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in town, Molesley follows a bunch of kids and asks to talk to their teacher. He could definitely use more schooling. Let's hope that's what this is about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, some sexist is yelling at Edith on the phone again. She tells him to calm down. By now, we people of the future know this only makes matters worse, but it's 1925 and Edith doesn't know anything about conflict resolution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith goes to complain to her family about how hated she is. Mary rolls her eyes. Like I said last week, these two need to just duel it out already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More talk about the boring hospital thing, which is thankfully interrupted by the children. Mary wants to take the kids on a field trip to see pigs at a local farm, which conveniently is the very farm where Edith kept Marigold hidden while she was pretending not to be post-partum depressed last year. Edith gets super anxious. Mary calls her a ninny. Same ol', same ol'.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley finds Daisy and tells her about his visit with the town schoolmaster. He gives her old exams from previous years so she can be prepared to take one of her own. Daisy is like \u003cem>This is nice and all, but I'm pretty busy planning to meddle some more in my father-in-law's affairs. K thanks bye! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's bedroom, Mary asks Anna why she's still a British lady reincarnation of Eeyore, despite her and her husband being acquitted. Anna brings up the time she had to go buy Mary a diaphragm (good times!) and then confides about her miscarriages. Mary feels bad and probably thinks something along the lines of: \u003cem>My maid has more problems than a math book.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Isobel runs into her ex. He talks about how the locals need better health care and the hospital take-over will make things better. Like last week, he mentions how glad he is that they are allies on this issue. And, again, Isobel sings Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\" She then gets excited about battling the Dowager and predicts there will be \"wigs on the green.\" 2016 translation: \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/9539c1e5a2c819760bcb1d72b458dcbe/tumblr_nu9jeoSHel1sar3c7o1_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">wigs are about to be snatched\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Thomas offers to help cute newbie Andy wind the clocks and is spurned for the 908th time. It's really too bad \u003cem>He's Just Not That Into You\u003c/em> wasn't out back in 1925. Thomas could really use it right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the village farm, Mary is busy talking about pigs, while Mr. Drew and Cora are trying to speed things along before his crazy jealous wife a.k.a. Marigold's fake mom comes back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Too late! His wife gets all mama bear with Marigold and Mr. Drew implores \"Let her go, Margie.\" She begrudgingly does and Cora gets Marigold the hell out of there. This goes down in history as the shortest and most polite hostage crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas plans to go on a job interview nearby. He hopes there are cute boys there who will let him wind their clocks, if you know what I mean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary tells Carson that, despite what her father stupidly said about making up the servants' hall for his wedding reception, it can be held in any of the upstairs rooms. Robert is sour about her fixing his faux pas and still has no clue why what he said was demeaning and offensive. Some things never change!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-polish room, where everything always happens, Anna is in the dark crying again. Bates tries to comfort her with trite passages he read in a greeting card once. He asks if she would consider adoption. Anna says she would, but that Bates is \"tribal\" and wants his own child. He's doesn't deny this and then continues to be entirely unhelpful: \"To me, we are one person. And that person can't have children.\" What poetry! I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with: Bates or the writer who got paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the sexist phone caller is now yelling at Edith IRL. She fires him on the spot. No, actually she just takes it 'cause her superpower is soaking in all forms of criticism and ire like a sponge and then crying it all out at night and sometimes even almost \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\" target=\"_blank\">burning down the house \u003c/a>while she's at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas shows up for his interview and any hopes for sexy clock-winding are quickly dashed because of an impressive gaydar. \"You're a delicate looking fella, aren't you?\" the homophobe interviewer asks, before bullying Thomas for not being married. Add this dude to the list of people Thomas will most likely murder soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary tells Anna she wants to help her with this whole no babies thing. OMG, is she going to find her a surrogate and help her pretend she was pregnant all along, \u003ca href=\"http://blackbag.gawker.com/did-beyonce-fake-her-pregnancy-1693597363\" target=\"_blank\">like Beyonce (allegedly) did\u003c/a> with Blue Ivy? Oh, they're just going to visit a doctor to see what's up. That works too, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna keeps refusing help, but Mary points out all the times Anna has helped her in a time of need: hiding \"that fearful Dutch thingamajig\" (we all must call contraceptives this from now on) and carrying the Turk's dead body out of her room. They have a good, long laugh thinking about how Mary killed a man with her vagina.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It only takes 3.2 seconds for Anna to turn back into Eeyore. She mopes about how going to the doctor or even a potential operation probably won't work. The only way Mary avoids strangling her sadsack neck is to ask her if she'll tell Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna says she won't. \"He'd help too much.\" Translation: he would try killing someone again and this final season doesn't have enough running time to include a third instance of Bates maybe going to jail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have y'all ever noticed that Bates is basically Lennie from \u003cem>Of Mice and Men\u003c/em>? Always meaning well, but accidentally hurting or killing things? That novel takes place in the 1930s, which could mean that this entire show is an origin story and Bates does something awful at Downton and must flee to California's Salinas Valley to assume a new identity. I wouldn't rule it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Robert talk about how Mrs. Drew wants to \"swallow [Marigold] whole.\" Cora asks about the possibility of making the Drews move 'cause she knows that, once Mrs. Drew finds a windowless white van, she'll be kidnapping Marigold tout de suite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter encourages Daisy not to be angry with Cora for not being able to help Daisy's father-in-law. Daisy's A+ response: \"It's the system's fault! That's what makes me angry: the system! And she's part of it!\" Out of the mouth of immortal, ageless, partially educated babes! Revolution is nigh! Tom Branson would be so proud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her aunt drink booze out of tiny glasses and talk about fine dining, shopping and the joys of living alone. On that last note, Rosamund correctly points out: \"That's the danger of living alone. It can be very hard to give up.\" I'm so with her on this one. Nothing's better than coming home and doing whatever the hell you want without someone being there to judge you for eating raw cookie dough out of a bowl in your underwear while watching a marathon of \u003cem>The Great British Baking Show\u003c/em>. Oh, you don't do that? Uh, yeah, me neither. Anywaaay, how is super chill Rosamund related to her loser brother Robert? It boggles the mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Mrs. Hughes tells Carson she doesn't want to get married at Downton because it's not who they are. Carson, who's convinced himself that he's a part of the Crawley family, despite the whole waiting on them hand and foot for a lifetime thing, doesn't agree, but plans to decline the offer because happy wife, happy life or whatever people say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates and Anna talk about her trip to London. Anna alludes to her secret gyno appointment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Well, try and put your feet up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Yes, I \u003cem>will\u003c/em> be \u003ca href=\"http://www.wanrooemed.com/UploadFiles/201311164042200778.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">putting my feet up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This marks the first time a scene featuring these two has made me laugh. Well done, all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Cora mentions that she's meeting with the Dowager, the village doctor and Isobel about hospital bizness. Then we get a peek into what a happy marriage looks like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [referring to inviting Isobel] Is that wise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> At least she's an ally I can rely on, even if I can't rely on you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I didn't tell you about the meeting bec...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [to Mary] \"What time's your train?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brrr, it's gonna be cold in the marital bed tonight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family switches the topic over to Carson's wedding reception. Carson tries to get out of having it at Downton, but Lady Mary vows that the reception will be there if it's the last thing she does. Uh oh, Mrs. Hughes is going to be soooo pissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the hospital, Cora admits she's on Team Give Up the Hospital. The Countess is desperate to change the tide with some manipulative psychology: \"Are you saying Dr. Clarkson is a bad doctor?\" Cora doesn't find this as amusing as I do and decides to leave. Isobel rubs salt in the wound on her way out: \"I'll come with you. We must give them time to gnash their teeth alone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the future kidnapper's farm, Robert tries to convince Mr. Drew to move away before his wife does something dumb. It doesn't work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes blows up when Carson tells her Lady Mary insists they have their reception upstairs. \"Heaven forfend we lowly folk should do anything to contradict the \u003cem>blessed\u003c/em> Lady Mary!\" Yeesh! This is getting ugly fast! Remember the forehead kisses, guys?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently not because Mrs. Hughes is still at it: \"We'll be doing it your way for the next 30 years, I know that well enough, but the wedding day is mine!\" Good grief, Mrs. Hughes has become such a drama queen since she's gotten engaged. First the whole I never want to have sex or be naked ever again thing and now this? Also, it's super sad that she's resigned to doing everything Carson's way for the next 30 years. Although I guess a dark silver lining is that, let's be real, neither of them have another 30 years left. (Hey, don't get mad at me for speaking truth; people lived shorter lives back then!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter...you know what, I think you should just see it for yourself 'cause I'm too busy laughing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/685933485920391169\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No.\" Ha ha ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. Cora has a secret plan to help Daisy so she'll shut up about her father-in-law and the evil power structures that keep the poor in their place, while making the 1% richer. Bloody revolution has been averted...for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Anna finds out she suffers from a rude-sounding condition called \"cervical incompetence.\" (Between this and preeclampsia, I've learned a whole lot about women's reproductive health, haven't you?) It's okay though 'cause the doctor can fix it with an out-patient operation done at her own house! How much do you wanna bet that she tries to have this operation done without Bates knowing and he happens to walk in on it and thinks something else is going on and Bates kills the doctor and maybe Anna too? I bet you 75 cents (I need quarters for laundry).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Bates knows something's up because Anna is acting \"bouncy\" instead of weeping in the shoe polish room like usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, there are a ton of farm animals in pens being judged. The whole gang is in attendance, including Mrs. Drew, who instantly locks eyes on Marigold. Amber alert in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy is bowling nearby and Thomas insists on embarrassing himself further by first asking Andy to come with him to see Mary's pigs (declined) and then to help teach Andy how to bowl (double declined). Mrs. Patmore is there to say \u003cem>Dude, give it a rest. He's not gay!\u003c/em> Thomas still thinks he is. This better be going somewhere!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Drew stares at Marigold some more. Okay, I get it. You grew attached to the baby when you had her for a few months, but you have a boatload of kids already. Focus on them and leave this little heiress alone. I know you won't though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson argue some more about this stupid reception. Just don't get married!!! Problem solved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First prize for fattest pig or whatever goes to Lady Mary's swine! Everyone celebrates for exactly two seconds before they realize Marigold is missing! Didn't I tell y'all???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hyperventilates and runs around for a while, until they remember that, oh yeah, that obsessed, unhinged lady probably took her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang heads to the Drew farm, where Mr. Drew finds his wife cradling and humming to Marigold. \"She was bored,\" she explains. \"They were paying her no attention, none at all!\" Okay, she's right about the last bit. These kids are such afterthoughts. But the crazy unravels further. \"Of course I brought her here. This is her home!\" Girl, please give it a rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew calmly begs her to hand over the child, the same way you talk to someone pointing a gun at your face. She eventually does and then dramatically watches him give Marigold back from a window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew tells Robert he will start looking for a new home (one close to a loony bin presumably). Robert relays the news to Edith and Cora and they're like \u003cem>Ugh, finally. Anyway, what's for dinner? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates and Mrs. Drew: \u003c/strong>Both kid obsessed. How about they run away together? Mr. Drew and Anna will be sad at first, but will eventually find solace in each other. Mr. Drew will finally stop making that frowny face all the time and Anna will quit crying while surrounded by shoes. It's a win-win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Anna:\u003c/strong> I forgot about all the gangster stuff she's done in the past. Buying contraceptives and moving dead bodies? That counts for something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mr. Drew:\u003c/strong> It's a hard knock life when you can't stop your wife from kidnapping other people's children, but he does the best that he can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy:\u003c/strong> In last week's rankings, I awarded Daisy bronze for telling it like it is. She turned up the heat even more this week with her still-relevant critique of society's inherently evil and unfair power structures. If Tumblr was around in the 1920s, Daisy would have had so many social justice-inclined followers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Rosamund:\u003c/strong> Robert may have inherited the mansion, but Rosamund inherited all the badass coolness from the Dowager. Keep doing you! Just say no to roommates!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19812\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19812\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" alt=\"rosamund downton gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"139\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Lots of baby mama drama on this week's episode. Read all about it!",
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"description": "Lots of baby mama drama on this week's episode. Read all about it!",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: All That She Wants Is Another Baby | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Did you cool down from all that hanky panky talk in \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">last week's season premiere\u003c/a>? Yeah, me neither, but the show must go on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A stranger cycles towards the Abbey. He might just be the mailman. Or he's arrived to either blackmail Lady Mary for having sex or accuse Bates or Anna of killing some rando. If it's the latter, I quit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy runs around with a plate of butter being cute. Other less cute people also do stuff. Molesley irons the pages of a newspaper (think about this next time a Crawley boo-hoos over not having as much money as in the good ol' days).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and his second and third favorite daughters (R.I.P. Sybil) gossip about Rose. Remember her? She dated a black jazz musician and married a Jewish dude from a broken home? The scandal! Well, she has a Hamptons house now and might be pregnant. Here's hoping Robert isn't in charge of medical decisions during her delivery (again, R.I.P. Sybil).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone downstairs wants to speak to the Agent of the estate. Mary, who has taken over those duties, says \"I want to be left to manage him. It's my job!\" Carson stops in his tracks and raises his eyebrows. He holds back from screaming: \"But you have ovaries!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert asks Carson about his wedding a.k.a. the day he and Mrs. Hughes start having all the sex. Carson shares that they've set a date, but are still looking for a place to hold the reception. Mary says, \u003cem>Here, duh!\u003c/em> Robert comes in for the assist and...fails miserably, as he almost always does. \"We can decorate the servants hall and make it look really special.\" This statement is the sequel to \"Let them eat cake.\" Off with his super rich, blinded-by-a-lifetime-of-privilege head!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary gets this and reprimands her embarrassing dad: \"I don't want to discuss it now in a rush. We'll have a proper conversation later.\" *cue a chorus of middle schoolers saying oooooo after a classmate is called to the principal's office*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Did you notice that everyone completely ignored Edith's existence and the two things she said in this scene? You probably ignored her too! No wonder Cora didn't even bother showing up to this lame breakfast. These people don't appreciate a fine woman when she's sipping tea right in front of them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley brings up that time Daisy lost her sh*t on her father-in-law's new landlord and ensured his eviction. Daisy self-flogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Agent-seeker meets with Mary. She breaks her new role to him and he tries not to burn everything to the ground. They talk about pigs a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a walk outside, Mrs. Hughes incredulously repeats Robert's version of \"Let them eat cake\" to Carson. Have her reception in the servants hall? As if! She doesn't want to be a servant on her wedding day. Carson counters: \u003cem>But we'll still invite these rich people who don't actually value me at all, but whom I live to serve, right???\u003c/em> Mrs. Hughes gives him a side-eye and then this exchange takes place:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"Why? Did you think you would have to get married without Lady Mary to witness it?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> \u003c/em>\"She's an important figure in my life, Mrs. Hughes. I won't apologize.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one said marriage was easy, y'all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's mansion, cousin Isobel, Robert, the doctor whose name I never remember, and the Countess sit around and argue some more about this hospital take-over. Robert says something glib about wanting to save lives. His mother hits back: \"If you can't say anything helpful, Robert, please be silent.\" Although a bit long, this should have been the title of the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel wants to get Cora involved because she knows Cora agrees with her side of things. I don't 100% understand what all this fuss is about and why it deserves a multi-episode arc, but I always side with the Dowager. Dear cousin Isobel, know your place. You just got here.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the newbie footman Andy talks about how he likes it there and wants to walk and explore more. Thomas offers to join because Andy is cute and Thomas hasn't gotten some in a while. Andy says something to the effect of \u003cem>no homo\u003c/em>. Mrs. Hughes agrees. Why is she so invested in keeping Thomas celibate? Just 'cause you have issues with your body and sex doesn't mean others can't get some. Let Thomas live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, Carson makes fun of the fact that Thomas might be laid off soon. I hope you're not a fan of Mrs. Hughes and Carson 'cause their wedding is shaping up to be a reprise of the wedding in \u003cem>Kill Bill\u003c/em>. \u003cstrong>13-year-old spoiler:\u003c/strong> It's bloody.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Somewhere in town, Molesley follows a bunch of kids and asks to talk to their teacher. He could definitely use more schooling. Let's hope that's what this is about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, some sexist is yelling at Edith on the phone again. She tells him to calm down. By now, we people of the future know this only makes matters worse, but it's 1925 and Edith doesn't know anything about conflict resolution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith goes to complain to her family about how hated she is. Mary rolls her eyes. Like I said last week, these two need to just duel it out already.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More talk about the boring hospital thing, which is thankfully interrupted by the children. Mary wants to take the kids on a field trip to see pigs at a local farm, which conveniently is the very farm where Edith kept Marigold hidden while she was pretending not to be post-partum depressed last year. Edith gets super anxious. Mary calls her a ninny. Same ol', same ol'.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley finds Daisy and tells her about his visit with the town schoolmaster. He gives her old exams from previous years so she can be prepared to take one of her own. Daisy is like \u003cem>This is nice and all, but I'm pretty busy planning to meddle some more in my father-in-law's affairs. K thanks bye! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in Mary's bedroom, Mary asks Anna why she's still a British lady reincarnation of Eeyore, despite her and her husband being acquitted. Anna brings up the time she had to go buy Mary a diaphragm (good times!) and then confides about her miscarriages. Mary feels bad and probably thinks something along the lines of: \u003cem>My maid has more problems than a math book.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Isobel runs into her ex. He talks about how the locals need better health care and the hospital take-over will make things better. Like last week, he mentions how glad he is that they are allies on this issue. And, again, Isobel sings Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\" She then gets excited about battling the Dowager and predicts there will be \"wigs on the green.\" 2016 translation: \u003ca href=\"https://45.media.tumblr.com/9539c1e5a2c819760bcb1d72b458dcbe/tumblr_nu9jeoSHel1sar3c7o1_500.gif\" target=\"_blank\">wigs are about to be snatched\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Thomas offers to help cute newbie Andy wind the clocks and is spurned for the 908th time. It's really too bad \u003cem>He's Just Not That Into You\u003c/em> wasn't out back in 1925. Thomas could really use it right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the village farm, Mary is busy talking about pigs, while Mr. Drew and Cora are trying to speed things along before his crazy jealous wife a.k.a. Marigold's fake mom comes back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Too late! His wife gets all mama bear with Marigold and Mr. Drew implores \"Let her go, Margie.\" She begrudgingly does and Cora gets Marigold the hell out of there. This goes down in history as the shortest and most polite hostage crisis.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas plans to go on a job interview nearby. He hopes there are cute boys there who will let him wind their clocks, if you know what I mean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Mary tells Carson that, despite what her father stupidly said about making up the servants' hall for his wedding reception, it can be held in any of the upstairs rooms. Robert is sour about her fixing his faux pas and still has no clue why what he said was demeaning and offensive. Some things never change!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-polish room, where everything always happens, Anna is in the dark crying again. Bates tries to comfort her with trite passages he read in a greeting card once. He asks if she would consider adoption. Anna says she would, but that Bates is \"tribal\" and wants his own child. He's doesn't deny this and then continues to be entirely unhelpful: \"To me, we are one person. And that person can't have children.\" What poetry! I'm not sure who I'm more annoyed with: Bates or the writer who got paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, the sexist phone caller is now yelling at Edith IRL. She fires him on the spot. No, actually she just takes it 'cause her superpower is soaking in all forms of criticism and ire like a sponge and then crying it all out at night and sometimes even almost \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\" target=\"_blank\">burning down the house \u003c/a>while she's at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas shows up for his interview and any hopes for sexy clock-winding are quickly dashed because of an impressive gaydar. \"You're a delicate looking fella, aren't you?\" the homophobe interviewer asks, before bullying Thomas for not being married. Add this dude to the list of people Thomas will most likely murder soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary tells Anna she wants to help her with this whole no babies thing. OMG, is she going to find her a surrogate and help her pretend she was pregnant all along, \u003ca href=\"http://blackbag.gawker.com/did-beyonce-fake-her-pregnancy-1693597363\" target=\"_blank\">like Beyonce (allegedly) did\u003c/a> with Blue Ivy? Oh, they're just going to visit a doctor to see what's up. That works too, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna keeps refusing help, but Mary points out all the times Anna has helped her in a time of need: hiding \"that fearful Dutch thingamajig\" (we all must call contraceptives this from now on) and carrying the Turk's dead body out of her room. They have a good, long laugh thinking about how Mary killed a man with her vagina.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It only takes 3.2 seconds for Anna to turn back into Eeyore. She mopes about how going to the doctor or even a potential operation probably won't work. The only way Mary avoids strangling her sadsack neck is to ask her if she'll tell Bates.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna says she won't. \"He'd help too much.\" Translation: he would try killing someone again and this final season doesn't have enough running time to include a third instance of Bates maybe going to jail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Have y'all ever noticed that Bates is basically Lennie from \u003cem>Of Mice and Men\u003c/em>? Always meaning well, but accidentally hurting or killing things? That novel takes place in the 1930s, which could mean that this entire show is an origin story and Bates does something awful at Downton and must flee to California's Salinas Valley to assume a new identity. I wouldn't rule it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In their bedroom, Cora and Robert talk about how Mrs. Drew wants to \"swallow [Marigold] whole.\" Cora asks about the possibility of making the Drews move 'cause she knows that, once Mrs. Drew finds a windowless white van, she'll be kidnapping Marigold tout de suite.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter encourages Daisy not to be angry with Cora for not being able to help Daisy's father-in-law. Daisy's A+ response: \"It's the system's fault! That's what makes me angry: the system! And she's part of it!\" Out of the mouth of immortal, ageless, partially educated babes! Revolution is nigh! Tom Branson would be so proud.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her aunt drink booze out of tiny glasses and talk about fine dining, shopping and the joys of living alone. On that last note, Rosamund correctly points out: \"That's the danger of living alone. It can be very hard to give up.\" I'm so with her on this one. Nothing's better than coming home and doing whatever the hell you want without someone being there to judge you for eating raw cookie dough out of a bowl in your underwear while watching a marathon of \u003cem>The Great British Baking Show\u003c/em>. Oh, you don't do that? Uh, yeah, me neither. Anywaaay, how is super chill Rosamund related to her loser brother Robert? It boggles the mind.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs at Downton, Mrs. Hughes tells Carson she doesn't want to get married at Downton because it's not who they are. Carson, who's convinced himself that he's a part of the Crawley family, despite the whole waiting on them hand and foot for a lifetime thing, doesn't agree, but plans to decline the offer because happy wife, happy life or whatever people say.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates and Anna talk about her trip to London. Anna alludes to her secret gyno appointment:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Bates:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Well, try and put your feet up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Anna:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Yes, I \u003cem>will\u003c/em> be \u003ca href=\"http://www.wanrooemed.com/UploadFiles/201311164042200778.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">putting my feet up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This marks the first time a scene featuring these two has made me laugh. Well done, all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dining room, Cora mentions that she's meeting with the Dowager, the village doctor and Isobel about hospital bizness. Then we get a peek into what a happy marriage looks like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Robert:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [referring to inviting Isobel] Is that wise?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> At least she's an ally I can rely on, even if I can't rely on you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> I didn't tell you about the meeting bec...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>Cora:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> [to Mary] \"What time's your train?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Brrr, it's gonna be cold in the marital bed tonight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family switches the topic over to Carson's wedding reception. Carson tries to get out of having it at Downton, but Lady Mary vows that the reception will be there if it's the last thing she does. Uh oh, Mrs. Hughes is going to be soooo pissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the hospital, Cora admits she's on Team Give Up the Hospital. The Countess is desperate to change the tide with some manipulative psychology: \"Are you saying Dr. Clarkson is a bad doctor?\" Cora doesn't find this as amusing as I do and decides to leave. Isobel rubs salt in the wound on her way out: \"I'll come with you. We must give them time to gnash their teeth alone.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the future kidnapper's farm, Robert tries to convince Mr. Drew to move away before his wife does something dumb. It doesn't work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes blows up when Carson tells her Lady Mary insists they have their reception upstairs. \"Heaven forfend we lowly folk should do anything to contradict the \u003cem>blessed\u003c/em> Lady Mary!\" Yeesh! This is getting ugly fast! Remember the forehead kisses, guys?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently not because Mrs. Hughes is still at it: \"We'll be doing it your way for the next 30 years, I know that well enough, but the wedding day is mine!\" Good grief, Mrs. Hughes has become such a drama queen since she's gotten engaged. First the whole I never want to have sex or be naked ever again thing and now this? Also, it's super sad that she's resigned to doing everything Carson's way for the next 30 years. Although I guess a dark silver lining is that, let's be real, neither of them have another 30 years left. (Hey, don't get mad at me for speaking truth; people lived shorter lives back then!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter...you know what, I think you should just see it for yourself 'cause I'm too busy laughing:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>\"No.\" Ha ha ha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. Cora has a secret plan to help Daisy so she'll shut up about her father-in-law and the evil power structures that keep the poor in their place, while making the 1% richer. Bloody revolution has been averted...for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Anna finds out she suffers from a rude-sounding condition called \"cervical incompetence.\" (Between this and preeclampsia, I've learned a whole lot about women's reproductive health, haven't you?) It's okay though 'cause the doctor can fix it with an out-patient operation done at her own house! How much do you wanna bet that she tries to have this operation done without Bates knowing and he happens to walk in on it and thinks something else is going on and Bates kills the doctor and maybe Anna too? I bet you 75 cents (I need quarters for laundry).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Bates knows something's up because Anna is acting \"bouncy\" instead of weeping in the shoe polish room like usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, there are a ton of farm animals in pens being judged. The whole gang is in attendance, including Mrs. Drew, who instantly locks eyes on Marigold. Amber alert in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy is bowling nearby and Thomas insists on embarrassing himself further by first asking Andy to come with him to see Mary's pigs (declined) and then to help teach Andy how to bowl (double declined). Mrs. Patmore is there to say \u003cem>Dude, give it a rest. He's not gay!\u003c/em> Thomas still thinks he is. This better be going somewhere!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Drew stares at Marigold some more. Okay, I get it. You grew attached to the baby when you had her for a few months, but you have a boatload of kids already. Focus on them and leave this little heiress alone. I know you won't though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson argue some more about this stupid reception. Just don't get married!!! Problem solved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>First prize for fattest pig or whatever goes to Lady Mary's swine! Everyone celebrates for exactly two seconds before they realize Marigold is missing! Didn't I tell y'all???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone hyperventilates and runs around for a while, until they remember that, oh yeah, that obsessed, unhinged lady probably took her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The gang heads to the Drew farm, where Mr. Drew finds his wife cradling and humming to Marigold. \"She was bored,\" she explains. \"They were paying her no attention, none at all!\" Okay, she's right about the last bit. These kids are such afterthoughts. But the crazy unravels further. \"Of course I brought her here. This is her home!\" Girl, please give it a rest.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew calmly begs her to hand over the child, the same way you talk to someone pointing a gun at your face. She eventually does and then dramatically watches him give Marigold back from a window.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Drew tells Robert he will start looking for a new home (one close to a loony bin presumably). Robert relays the news to Edith and Cora and they're like \u003cem>Ugh, finally. Anyway, what's for dinner? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Bates and Mrs. Drew: \u003c/strong>Both kid obsessed. How about they run away together? Mr. Drew and Anna will be sad at first, but will eventually find solace in each other. Mr. Drew will finally stop making that frowny face all the time and Anna will quit crying while surrounded by shoes. It's a win-win!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Anna:\u003c/strong> I forgot about all the gangster stuff she's done in the past. Buying contraceptives and moving dead bodies? That counts for something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mr. Drew:\u003c/strong> It's a hard knock life when you can't stop your wife from kidnapping other people's children, but he does the best that he can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy:\u003c/strong> In last week's rankings, I awarded Daisy bronze for telling it like it is. She turned up the heat even more this week with her still-relevant critique of society's inherently evil and unfair power structures. If Tumblr was around in the 1920s, Daisy would have had so many social justice-inclined followers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Rosamund:\u003c/strong> Robert may have inherited the mansion, but Rosamund inherited all the badass coolness from the Dowager. Keep doing you! Just say no to roommates!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19812\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19812\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/ros1.gif\" alt=\"rosamund downton gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"139\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Fuller House: Let's Overanalyze the First Official Photos from the Set",
"title": "Fuller House: Let's Overanalyze the First Official Photos from the Set",
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"content": "\u003cp>In case the \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/full-house/\" target=\"_blank\">breathless coverage of \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em>\u003c/a> in the past hasn't tipped you off, I'm a fan of the show and cautiously intrigued by the revival. Netflix just released the first photos from the set, which means it's my duty to overanalyze them. Let me find my magnifying glass.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19772\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19772\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-9.gif\" alt=\"latoya magnifying glass\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Found it! Let's give these pics a look.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19771\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19771\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19771\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The girls are all grown up! And apparently share the same hair stylist! Stephanie and Kimmie wanted to keep the uniformity going by wearing feline-inspired fashions. D.J. was like nah, this random baby will probably just throw up on it so uninspired grey shirt it is!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/leahfinnegan/status/685156451757600768\" target=\"_blank\">Someone on Twitter\u003c/a> pointed out that the house looks like the one from \u003cem>Step By Step\u003c/em>. If you're making this face right now, you're not alone:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19773\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19773\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" alt=\"woah gif\" width=\"340\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19768\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19768\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19768\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Ugh, kids. I understand that this show is more about grabbing the attention of a whole new generation à la \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/08/24/13-year-old-girl-meets-world-star-rowan-blanchard-perfectly-explains-intersectional-feminism/\" target=\"_blank\">Girl Meets World\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, but I can't help but want everything to be about me and the other old people on the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm a novice body language reader so I'm going to go ahead and say that D.J. is going to be a stick-in-the-mud helicopter mom (her husband died so she won't want her sons to take any risks). Stephanie will fill Uncle Jessie's shoes and be the fun aunt who's rock 'n' roll in the tamest way possible. The oldest kid is going to reach puberty and for sure have a weird dream about Stephanie. The younger brother will be a pyromaniac for at least two episodes. If Kimmie's daughter's knack for matching prints -- turtles \u003cem>and\u003c/em> gemstones! -- is any indication, she will out-quirk her mother, who has been tamed by old age. How will Kimmie deal with being a disciplinarian and welcomed guest rather than a rule-breaker and constant interloper?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19770\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19770\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19770\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Okay, \u003cem>now\u003c/em> things are getting interesting!! Damn, Stephanie, yes! San Francisco is a very different place than it was back in the '90s so why not pretend it's Vegas? Meanwhile, Kimmie is imitating a dog or cat, while D.J. continues to be a judgmental wet blanket.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19769\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19769\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19769\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Aww, still the kind of feel-good show that makes your teeth hurt. Danny Tanner looks on and feels pride at how well his daughters turned out, but he can't ignore that gnawing, hollow feeling in his chest over Michelle, who's decided to cut ties with her family to be Anna Wintour. Also, he's trying really hard to stop himself from cleaning something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie and Aunt Becky must have sold their Aryan twins for an immortality elixir because damn, they're still really hot. And, last and also least, Uncle Joey sadly looks down at his hands, which aided him in doing whatever drove Alanis to write the ultimate diss track, \"You Oughta Know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> premieres on Netflix on February 26th.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In case the \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/full-house/\" target=\"_blank\">breathless coverage of \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em>\u003c/a> in the past hasn't tipped you off, I'm a fan of the show and cautiously intrigued by the revival. Netflix just released the first photos from the set, which means it's my duty to overanalyze them. Let me find my magnifying glass.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19772\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19772\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-9.gif\" alt=\"latoya magnifying glass\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Found it! Let's give these pics a look.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19771\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19771\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19771\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/fuller-house-01-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>The girls are all grown up! And apparently share the same hair stylist! Stephanie and Kimmie wanted to keep the uniformity going by wearing feline-inspired fashions. D.J. was like nah, this random baby will probably just throw up on it so uninspired grey shirt it is!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/leahfinnegan/status/685156451757600768\" target=\"_blank\">Someone on Twitter\u003c/a> pointed out that the house looks like the one from \u003cem>Step By Step\u003c/em>. If you're making this face right now, you're not alone:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19773\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19773\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" alt=\"woah gif\" width=\"340\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19768\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19768\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19768\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-02-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Ugh, kids. I understand that this show is more about grabbing the attention of a whole new generation à la \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/08/24/13-year-old-girl-meets-world-star-rowan-blanchard-perfectly-explains-intersectional-feminism/\" target=\"_blank\">Girl Meets World\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, but I can't help but want everything to be about me and the other old people on the show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm a novice body language reader so I'm going to go ahead and say that D.J. is going to be a stick-in-the-mud helicopter mom (her husband died so she won't want her sons to take any risks). Stephanie will fill Uncle Jessie's shoes and be the fun aunt who's rock 'n' roll in the tamest way possible. The oldest kid is going to reach puberty and for sure have a weird dream about Stephanie. The younger brother will be a pyromaniac for at least two episodes. If Kimmie's daughter's knack for matching prints -- turtles \u003cem>and\u003c/em> gemstones! -- is any indication, she will out-quirk her mother, who has been tamed by old age. How will Kimmie deal with being a disciplinarian and welcomed guest rather than a rule-breaker and constant interloper?\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19770\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19770\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19770\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-03-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Okay, \u003cem>now\u003c/em> things are getting interesting!! Damn, Stephanie, yes! San Francisco is a very different place than it was back in the '90s so why not pretend it's Vegas? Meanwhile, Kimmie is imitating a dog or cat, while D.J. continues to be a judgmental wet blanket.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19769\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19769\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-19769\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg\" alt=\"Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\" width=\"612\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/Fuller-House-04-400x248.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo: Michael Yarish / Netflix\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Aww, still the kind of feel-good show that makes your teeth hurt. Danny Tanner looks on and feels pride at how well his daughters turned out, but he can't ignore that gnawing, hollow feeling in his chest over Michelle, who's decided to cut ties with her family to be Anna Wintour. Also, he's trying really hard to stop himself from cleaning something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie and Aunt Becky must have sold their Aryan twins for an immortality elixir because damn, they're still really hot. And, last and also least, Uncle Joey sadly looks down at his hands, which aided him in doing whatever drove Alanis to write the ultimate diss track, \"You Oughta Know.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> premieres on Netflix on February 26th.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let's Talk About Sex",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let's Talk About Sex",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"u6kwxRc751Fj27mVoFyYa7hMMbDDYM0U\"]Piano keys plink dramatically, a bell tolls, a single rose petal falls, a feather duster flirts with a chandelier: all portents of the final season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a soap opera we all didn’t have to feel bad about watching because of the vaguely historical storylines and the fancy British accents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forget everything that happened last year? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Refresh your memory\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nWonder how I think everything should end? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\" target=\"_blank\">Read up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone else, let’s do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A crazy amount of dogs follow white dudes in fancy red coats and top hats on horseback. Right off the bat, the \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> producers are trying to make up for killing Isis, the only dog that matters. This will not work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas carries a tray of goblets out to the red coats. Maybe one of them will be his new rich love interest and he’ll finally have the means to quit this dumb job and live happily ever after? Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He passes a drink to Mary, who is wearing a bowler hat and a black coat and \u003cstrong>NOT\u003c/strong> riding side-saddle like a proper, demure lady, because, ever since her sex vacation last season, she doesn’t really give a you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sad, overwhelmed Molesley comes outside and all the dogs immediately sniff out his desperation and start barking at him. Per usual, Molesley sucks at life and comes *this close* to dropping everything on his tray. Carson raises an eyebrow at him that translates to: \u003cem>How in the world have I not fired you yet?!\u003c/em> That’s a really good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A woman in a hat approaches Downton. Let it be Sybil! Maybe she faked her own death to get a break from all her nosy relatives and travel the world or become a progressive politician or something? I don’t care how outlandish the story, I just want Sybil back! #MakeItRightJulianFellowes #BringBackTheHaremPants #StandAgainstPreeclampsia\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora Crawley reminds her husband, Robert, that he probably shouldn’t bail on some important board meeting in order to go hunting. Robert, who has learned nothing from his long history of screwing up business transactions and losing much of the family’s fortune, is like, \u003cem>Whatever, mom!\u003c/em> and gallops off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora should have listened to me last season when I screamed at her through my computer screen: STAY WITH THE ART DUDE! OR GO TO JAMAICA AND GET YOUR GROOVE BACK! ANYTHING BUT THIS!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert notice the woman in the hat and wonder who she is. She doesn’t look like Sybil so who cares.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert gives Mary a hard time for not being \"graceful\" and riding side-saddle because it’s only been 2 minutes and we need a reminder that he represents ye olde patriarchy. Mary is not having any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s 1925. Remember when the show started with\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/12/17/titanic-turns-18-what-you-dont-know-about-the-film/\" target=\"_blank\"> the Titanic\u003c/a> sinking? That was 1912, which means that it’s supposedly been 13 years (math!) since we first met these characters. Even Maggie Smith \u003ca href=\"http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2013/03/maggie-smith-downton-abbey-dowager-countess\" target=\"_blank\">has wondered\u003c/a> how the Dowager Countess is still alive. I'm not concerned with that because the answer’s easy; a being as perfect as that is clearly an immortal goddess dating back to ancient Egypt. What I do wonder is: why is Daisy still basically a baby? Also immortal?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson talks to Not Sybil, who's still loitering. I have no idea what in the world they’re talking about. Intrigue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith’s kids watch Mrs. Patmore bake. One of them speaks (a first!) and asks to lick the bowl. Eventually, the subject will shift from how delicious cake batter is to how the nearly constant absence of their parents contributed to their inability to accept love or engage in any meaningful intimacy. Hopefully the family still has money for all those therapist bills by then (not likely, if Grandpa Robert keeps bailing on meetings to futz around in the woods).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Thomas talk about how nice (i.e. cute) the new footman, Andy, is. Then, Mrs. Hughes basically warns Thomas not to get an unrequited crush on this one. He stares at her with a weird smile for a beat too long, which means he’s fantasizing about killing her for saying that, but he snaps out of it in order to give baby George a piggy back ride 'cause why not?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy asks Mrs. Hughes if she’s set a wedding date yet. She hasn’t because Carson only really kisses her on the forehead and a woman has needs. (I may have inferred a great deal of this.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mrs. Patmore finds Mrs. Hughes for some real talk. Mrs. Hughes pretends nothing is wrong and Mrs. Patmore gives her a \u003cem>girl, please\u003c/em> look. Turns out I was wrong about Mrs. Hughes wanting more than forehead kisses. She is really freaked out about having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore brings in reason: \"There's nothing so terrible about it, is there?\" But then she keeps talking: \"…so they say…I wouldn't know, of course.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you mean to tell me Mrs. Patmore, who is easily pushing 60, has never ever had sex?! Hurry up, Women's Lib!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes thinks her \"late middle age\" body is repulsive and prefers the idea of living like \"a very loving brother and sister\" to Carson ever seeing her naked. Mrs. Patmore points out that Carson's body is probably pretty gross too. Mrs. Hughes agrees and momentarily feels better, before asking Mrs. Patmore to go iron this whole naked sex arrangement out with Carson. Now \u003cem>that's\u003c/em> a friend!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the stairwell, Mrs. Patmore runs into Anna, who is crying because that's all her body knows how to do. I wish she would make a pro/con list about her marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pro:\u003c/strong> he's kind of cute, if you're into that sort of thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Con:\u003c/strong> he's maybe murdered two different people, is always grumpy, scares potential friends away, talks a big game, but can't back it up, etc. etc. etc.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out in the woods, Not Sybil is loitering again. Get a hobby already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary spots her and instantly falls off her horse into the mud. Her dad is kind of worried, but had suspected Mary would be taken down, one way or another, by the un-feminine way she was riding. Not Sybil looks pleased and evil in the distance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, some insecure editor dude is yelling at Edith over the phone. He apparently doesn't like working for a woman. Cora suggests she just sell the business and go back to just sitting around. Edith is like nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the board meeting, Dowager Countess and cousin Isobel are fighting again (so much for all that ya-ya sisterhood last season). Some big hospital wants to buy their little village hospital. Countess wants to retain control. Isobel thinks it would be better for the patients if they were to hand it over. Isobel's former suitor (you remember, the one with those jerk sons) tells her he's glad they agree. Isobel replies by singing the chorus of Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary returns home to find Not Sybil lurking in the bushes. She's had enough and confronts the mystery lady. Turns out she's a chambermaid from the hotel where Mary had her sex vacation. Well, damn!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She allegedly has\u003ca href=\"http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcspb0ZJ3C1qfqdfr.gif\" target=\"_blank\"> receipts\u003c/a> to prove that Mary is a whore and wants money to keep quiet. Mary says that this isn't the first time someone's tried to blackmail her and walks away in the rain. Not Sybil But A Blackmailing Chambermaid keeps spewing threats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can we just skip this storyline? It's the final season. Let's spend it worrying about more important things like getting Mrs. Patmore laid and figuring out a way for Edith to kill some Nazis for probably killing her baby daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the servants' rec room or whatever, Anna is still being a downer. Meanwhile, Thomas is tired from giving baby Marigold piggy back rides all day. Is he grooming these children to be his accomplices since none of the other servants are evil these days?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesely says something like, \u003cem>Gosh, how great that Lady Edith found this random pauper baby in the village and wants to give her a better life!\u003c/em> So simple and gullible. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room upstairs, Robert and Carson complain about how the servant to rich person ratio is going down. Robert then proceeds to condescendingly lecture Carson about how you can’t resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna and Mary talk about the blackmailer and the latest in Anna's court case (she's on bail for now) before talking about what's really important: whatever will they do about Mary's wet hair?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-shining room (if Tori Spelling's mom can have \u003ca href=\"http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2009/galleries/candyspelling/candy_spelling2.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">a whole room dedicated to gift-wrapping\u003c/a>, the Crawleys can have one for this, okay?), Bates tries to figure out why Anna is sad. She insists that she's fine…and then bursts into sobs. She had a miscarriage. Did a woman who's married to a creepy bore and is currently on bail for maybe killing her rapist really need another adversity, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, the family speaks of Tom Branson (come back!). He's found a flat in Boston and Sybbie likes her new school. Robert uses this news as an opportunity to diss the American accent. Cora quickly reminds him that, despite her weird hybrid accent, she is an American! Again, art dude or Jamaica; you have options, Cora!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary announces that she is going to take over Branson's former duties and everyone gets into a debate about whether women are capable of doing stuff. Robert has changed his tone from outright misogynist to pretend feminist: \"Long live women's rights and all that, but it's not a good idea to take on a job that wears you out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel brings up the hospital fight again in front of everyone. Both the Countess and I are appalled at her lack of manners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Patmore tries to broach the uncomfortable naked fornication subject. It's a shame Salt 'n' Pepa's \"Let's Talk About Sex\" wasn't written yet. That could have helped things along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore finally gets around to kind of sort of bringing it up: \"Do you expect to share your…way of life?\" And thus, she wins the award for best euphemism for a penis ever uttered. As if we could love her any more, she then takes a shot of port and gets the hell out of there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Robert whine about downsizing. Boo hoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the sitting room, Edith mentions going to London and maybe setting up her own apartment there. One second after she leaves the room, Mary lets one fly: \"Edith, alone on the town, what will she get up to?\" I wish these two would duel and get it over with. Maybe it would even inspire a super popular \u003cem>Hamilton\u003c/em>-esque musical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore are speaking in code about sex again, when Blackmail Girl interrupts. All these servants and no one is serving as a bouncer? Who let homegirl in?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, she wants to deliver something to Mary herself and Mrs. Hughes rightly says \"We don't know you\" as shadily \u003ca href=\"http://logoonline.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:newnownext.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/mariah-gif-1442374580.0.gif\" target=\"_blank\">as Mariah Carey would\u003c/a>, but the blackmailer makes it happen because Mrs. Hughes is busy thinking about Carson's \"way of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Up in Mary's room, Blackmail Girl says a bunch of rude things, while eating a bit of Mary's toast. Then, she THROWS THE PIECE OF TOAST DOWN REALLY HARD! I was so scandalized, I gasped. Did you? Mary calls the woman \"revolting\" and has Anna, who isn't crying for once (!), escort her out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village doctor's office, he and cousin Isobel disagree some more on the hospital crisis. He asks, \"Do you not care?\" I'll answer for all of us and say, Not even a little bit. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Mr. Carson's office, a police officer tells Anna and Bates that some woman has confessed to the murder of the rapist, but that they're not in the clear just yet. Bates is pissed that he told them at all, which means that this police dude has a 82% chance of ending up mysteriously dead before the season is up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Carson tells Robert about the eviction of Daisy's father-in-law (remember she married that dying guy even though she was totally just not that into him way back?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson runs into his fiancé and calls her Mrs. Hughes, as he always does. She suggests he start calling her Elsie. He says, nope, and then presses her to set the date. She refuses and gets the hell away from the gross naked body underneath his clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager's maid, Denker, shows up and stirs the pot by telling everyone they're probably getting laid off. Everyone hates her and her weird eyebrows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert confirms that yes, Daisy's father-in-law is probably being evicted. Ah, glad that's settled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's pad, Denker is now telling Spratt, the butler, that he's probably going to be laid off. The Dowager enters and asks Spratt to let the cook know she's ready for dinner. Spratt falls right into Denker's trap by going all Tourette's and blurting out, \"I will, although you could have rang for her yourself!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager whips around and has him beheaded on the spot. Well, actually she just says \"I beg your pardon?!\" in an outraged old lady sort of way, but it's basically the same thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna tells Mary about how much she wanted to slap the blackmailer. Yes, Anna, less crying, more revenge!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's pantry, Mrs. Patmore and Carson finally start talking about sex, albeit only through euphemisms. Carson must decide between sexless companionship or hanging from the chandeliers. Which will it be?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Anna feels like a loser for being barren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Carson decides that yes, he does want to have naked sex. Mrs. Patmore says she hopes he gets to have sex soon and goes off to relay the message to Mrs. Hughes. Wow, hooking up pre-Tinder was super involved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt tattles on Denker because the \"snitches get stitches\" aphorism wasn't invented yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy shares her plans to attend her father-in-law's former landlord's auction by riding in the front of one of the Downton carriages. Mrs. Patmore says Mr. Carson won't allow it and Daisy responds, \"Even Mr. Carson can't always have his own way.\" Yes, Daisy, you immortal, ageless beauty, do whatever you want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, Blackmail Girl is back. Molesley lets her right in 'cause, again, he sucks at life. Carson is over her too and tries to kick her out, but she worms her way in again. After a nuclear holocaust, all that will be left is cockroaches, Cher and Blackmail Girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith tells her aunt that she's met Virginia Woolf before. Way to bury the lead, Edith! I knew you were cool! Her aunt thinks so too and asks if she wants to spend the rest of her life hanging around Downton \"being sniped at by Mary\" or if she wants to be a hipster in London. Be a hipster, Edith! Become Virginia Woolf's publisher and lover 'cause being with men hasn't been really working out for you so far. Lest we forget that burn victim you crushed on who was also your maladjusted cousin or whatever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary comes home to find Blackmail Girl hanging out with her Papa. He pays her off, against Mary's wishes, and BG leaves in a cloud of insults (if it was 2014, I would say \"Bye, Felicia!\" but I can't anymore because 2015 happened so I'll just leave it at \"Bye\").\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert proceed to talk about her sex vacation in a much more straightforward manner than Mr. Carson and Mrs. Patmore did earlier. \u003cem>Papa, I had to know if he was bad at sex before I married him and he was!\u003c/em> she said (in so many words).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Plot twist:\u003c/strong> Robert did something awesome for a change! He only paid Blackmail Girl 50 pounds and made her sign a confession! And then he said he believes Mary can run the estate, despite her ovaries! Huzzah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes is still not sure if she wants to have sex or not. Good grief, girl, just do it. You'll like it. Unless you don't (see: Mary's sex vacation).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Crawleys are leaving for the auction. Edith alludes to leaving Yorkshire to become a Bloomsbury hipster. Mary is at a loss for words 'cause she's probably mad she didn't think of it first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson randomly ignores Thomas, inspiring another one of Thomas' one-beat-too-long stares and smiles. He's totally going to kill all of these people someday soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, cousin Isobel talks about the hospital situatio….zzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, nodded off there for a second, where was I?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager off-handedly tells Denker she will miss her, although nothing is yet settled. Denker waits until she's in the hallway to die a little inside. The Dowager then shares some advice on how to be a boss with cousin Isobel: \"Sometimes, it's good to rule by fear.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the auction, the Crawleys chat with the sad sack who has to sell all his stuff and move to a small hole in London. He warns ominously not to hang on so long that they lose everything. Edith is like, \u003cem>Right on!\u003c/em> 'cause she's moving soon and no longer gives a damn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, Daisy and her father-in-law, whose family lived and worked at this place for generations, gawk at all the rich people's things…until Daisy finds the new owner who is kicking her father-in-law out and loudly lets him have it. What all that book learnin' has wrought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Edith keep trying to stop her from speaking, but she has \u003ca href=\"https://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq5g36IMra1qijqv8o1_250.gif\" target=\"_blank\">something to say\u003c/a>! \u003cstrong>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/strong> The proletariat rules, the aristocracy drools. This does not go over well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy worries aloud about how she's probably going to get fired, but everyone is like, \u003cem>Shut up, the police officer is back! \u003c/em>He tells everyone that the confession has been confirmed. Anna is officially a free woman!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Crawleys run downstairs to pop some bottles. They even get out the gramophone! Everyone does the 1925 version of twerking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna is excited and all, but she brings up her inability to have babies again 'cause she's gotten used to always being distraught over something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson finds Cora and Robert, asks if he should fire Daisy and compares what she did to Guy Fawkes blowing up Parliament. Those two incidents are exactly the same; you're right, Carson. Ugh, I hope he never ends up having sex. Thankfully, Cora and Robert respond with a tepid \u003cem>meh\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson finally talk about sex and agree to do it, even though Carson doesn't deserve it. \"If you want me, you can have me, warts and all,\" she says. Then, they make out…using their lips!…zero foreheads involved! Good for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Blackmail Girl/Not Sybil: \u003c/strong>Better luck next time, loitering jerk. P.S. You're probably going to hell for throwing that piece of toast like that. Hope you packed sunblock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Isis:\u003c/strong> The \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> producers are gonna have to find more dogs than that, if they want us to forget you, old friend (impossible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy: \u003c/strong>Tell it, sister! And stay in school!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> For knowing Virginia Woolf and planning on moving out. Your day in the sun has come at last (or has it?)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> We would all be so lucky to have a bestie like you. Talking to Carson, the stodgiest person ever to live, about boinking? That's immediate first place status. A Nobel Peace Prize isn't out of the question either. Take note, other Downton denizens!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/22/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-8-recap-london-calling/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 8 Recap: London Calling\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Finale Recap: All I Want for Christmas Is You\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>Piano keys plink dramatically, a bell tolls, a single rose petal falls, a feather duster flirts with a chandelier: all portents of the final season of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a soap opera we all didn’t have to feel bad about watching because of the vaguely historical storylines and the fancy British accents.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Forget everything that happened last year? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/03/01/downton-abbey-season-5-finale-recap-all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/\" target=\"_blank\">Refresh your memory\u003c/a>.\u003cbr>\nWonder how I think everything should end? \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/29/is-downton-abbey-really-over-heres-how-it-should-end/\" target=\"_blank\">Read up\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone else, let’s do this!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A crazy amount of dogs follow white dudes in fancy red coats and top hats on horseback. Right off the bat, the \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> producers are trying to make up for killing Isis, the only dog that matters. This will not work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thomas carries a tray of goblets out to the red coats. Maybe one of them will be his new rich love interest and he’ll finally have the means to quit this dumb job and live happily ever after? Yeah, probably not.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He passes a drink to Mary, who is wearing a bowler hat and a black coat and \u003cstrong>NOT\u003c/strong> riding side-saddle like a proper, demure lady, because, ever since her sex vacation last season, she doesn’t really give a you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sad, overwhelmed Molesley comes outside and all the dogs immediately sniff out his desperation and start barking at him. Per usual, Molesley sucks at life and comes *this close* to dropping everything on his tray. Carson raises an eyebrow at him that translates to: \u003cem>How in the world have I not fired you yet?!\u003c/em> That’s a really good question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A woman in a hat approaches Downton. Let it be Sybil! Maybe she faked her own death to get a break from all her nosy relatives and travel the world or become a progressive politician or something? I don’t care how outlandish the story, I just want Sybil back! #MakeItRightJulianFellowes #BringBackTheHaremPants #StandAgainstPreeclampsia\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora Crawley reminds her husband, Robert, that he probably shouldn’t bail on some important board meeting in order to go hunting. Robert, who has learned nothing from his long history of screwing up business transactions and losing much of the family’s fortune, is like, \u003cem>Whatever, mom!\u003c/em> and gallops off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora should have listened to me last season when I screamed at her through my computer screen: STAY WITH THE ART DUDE! OR GO TO JAMAICA AND GET YOUR GROOVE BACK! ANYTHING BUT THIS!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert notice the woman in the hat and wonder who she is. She doesn’t look like Sybil so who cares.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert gives Mary a hard time for not being \"graceful\" and riding side-saddle because it’s only been 2 minutes and we need a reminder that he represents ye olde patriarchy. Mary is not having any of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s 1925. Remember when the show started with\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/12/17/titanic-turns-18-what-you-dont-know-about-the-film/\" target=\"_blank\"> the Titanic\u003c/a> sinking? That was 1912, which means that it’s supposedly been 13 years (math!) since we first met these characters. Even Maggie Smith \u003ca href=\"http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2013/03/maggie-smith-downton-abbey-dowager-countess\" target=\"_blank\">has wondered\u003c/a> how the Dowager Countess is still alive. I'm not concerned with that because the answer’s easy; a being as perfect as that is clearly an immortal goddess dating back to ancient Egypt. What I do wonder is: why is Daisy still basically a baby? Also immortal?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson talks to Not Sybil, who's still loitering. I have no idea what in the world they’re talking about. Intrigue!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith’s kids watch Mrs. Patmore bake. One of them speaks (a first!) and asks to lick the bowl. Eventually, the subject will shift from how delicious cake batter is to how the nearly constant absence of their parents contributed to their inability to accept love or engage in any meaningful intimacy. Hopefully the family still has money for all those therapist bills by then (not likely, if Grandpa Robert keeps bailing on meetings to futz around in the woods).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Thomas talk about how nice (i.e. cute) the new footman, Andy, is. Then, Mrs. Hughes basically warns Thomas not to get an unrequited crush on this one. He stares at her with a weird smile for a beat too long, which means he’s fantasizing about killing her for saying that, but he snaps out of it in order to give baby George a piggy back ride 'cause why not?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy asks Mrs. Hughes if she’s set a wedding date yet. She hasn’t because Carson only really kisses her on the forehead and a woman has needs. (I may have inferred a great deal of this.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mrs. Patmore finds Mrs. Hughes for some real talk. Mrs. Hughes pretends nothing is wrong and Mrs. Patmore gives her a \u003cem>girl, please\u003c/em> look. Turns out I was wrong about Mrs. Hughes wanting more than forehead kisses. She is really freaked out about having sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore brings in reason: \"There's nothing so terrible about it, is there?\" But then she keeps talking: \"…so they say…I wouldn't know, of course.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So you mean to tell me Mrs. Patmore, who is easily pushing 60, has never ever had sex?! Hurry up, Women's Lib!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes thinks her \"late middle age\" body is repulsive and prefers the idea of living like \"a very loving brother and sister\" to Carson ever seeing her naked. Mrs. Patmore points out that Carson's body is probably pretty gross too. Mrs. Hughes agrees and momentarily feels better, before asking Mrs. Patmore to go iron this whole naked sex arrangement out with Carson. Now \u003cem>that's\u003c/em> a friend!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the stairwell, Mrs. Patmore runs into Anna, who is crying because that's all her body knows how to do. I wish she would make a pro/con list about her marriage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pro:\u003c/strong> he's kind of cute, if you're into that sort of thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Con:\u003c/strong> he's maybe murdered two different people, is always grumpy, scares potential friends away, talks a big game, but can't back it up, etc. etc. etc.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out in the woods, Not Sybil is loitering again. Get a hobby already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary spots her and instantly falls off her horse into the mud. Her dad is kind of worried, but had suspected Mary would be taken down, one way or another, by the un-feminine way she was riding. Not Sybil looks pleased and evil in the distance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, some insecure editor dude is yelling at Edith over the phone. He apparently doesn't like working for a woman. Cora suggests she just sell the business and go back to just sitting around. Edith is like nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the board meeting, Dowager Countess and cousin Isobel are fighting again (so much for all that ya-ya sisterhood last season). Some big hospital wants to buy their little village hospital. Countess wants to retain control. Isobel thinks it would be better for the patients if they were to hand it over. Isobel's former suitor (you remember, the one with those jerk sons) tells her he's glad they agree. Isobel replies by singing the chorus of Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary returns home to find Not Sybil lurking in the bushes. She's had enough and confronts the mystery lady. Turns out she's a chambermaid from the hotel where Mary had her sex vacation. Well, damn!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She allegedly has\u003ca href=\"http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcspb0ZJ3C1qfqdfr.gif\" target=\"_blank\"> receipts\u003c/a> to prove that Mary is a whore and wants money to keep quiet. Mary says that this isn't the first time someone's tried to blackmail her and walks away in the rain. Not Sybil But A Blackmailing Chambermaid keeps spewing threats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can we just skip this storyline? It's the final season. Let's spend it worrying about more important things like getting Mrs. Patmore laid and figuring out a way for Edith to kill some Nazis for probably killing her baby daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs in the servants' rec room or whatever, Anna is still being a downer. Meanwhile, Thomas is tired from giving baby Marigold piggy back rides all day. Is he grooming these children to be his accomplices since none of the other servants are evil these days?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Molesely says something like, \u003cem>Gosh, how great that Lady Edith found this random pauper baby in the village and wants to give her a better life!\u003c/em> So simple and gullible. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the drawing room upstairs, Robert and Carson complain about how the servant to rich person ratio is going down. Robert then proceeds to condescendingly lecture Carson about how you can’t resist time or progress, despite the fact that he tried to do just that every moment of the previous five seasons.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna and Mary talk about the blackmailer and the latest in Anna's court case (she's on bail for now) before talking about what's really important: whatever will they do about Mary's wet hair?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe-shining room (if Tori Spelling's mom can have \u003ca href=\"http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2009/galleries/candyspelling/candy_spelling2.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">a whole room dedicated to gift-wrapping\u003c/a>, the Crawleys can have one for this, okay?), Bates tries to figure out why Anna is sad. She insists that she's fine…and then bursts into sobs. She had a miscarriage. Did a woman who's married to a creepy bore and is currently on bail for maybe killing her rapist really need another adversity, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, the family speaks of Tom Branson (come back!). He's found a flat in Boston and Sybbie likes her new school. Robert uses this news as an opportunity to diss the American accent. Cora quickly reminds him that, despite her weird hybrid accent, she is an American! Again, art dude or Jamaica; you have options, Cora!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary announces that she is going to take over Branson's former duties and everyone gets into a debate about whether women are capable of doing stuff. Robert has changed his tone from outright misogynist to pretend feminist: \"Long live women's rights and all that, but it's not a good idea to take on a job that wears you out.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel brings up the hospital fight again in front of everyone. Both the Countess and I are appalled at her lack of manners.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Patmore tries to broach the uncomfortable naked fornication subject. It's a shame Salt 'n' Pepa's \"Let's Talk About Sex\" wasn't written yet. That could have helped things along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore finally gets around to kind of sort of bringing it up: \"Do you expect to share your…way of life?\" And thus, she wins the award for best euphemism for a penis ever uttered. As if we could love her any more, she then takes a shot of port and gets the hell out of there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Robert whine about downsizing. Boo hoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the sitting room, Edith mentions going to London and maybe setting up her own apartment there. One second after she leaves the room, Mary lets one fly: \"Edith, alone on the town, what will she get up to?\" I wish these two would duel and get it over with. Maybe it would even inspire a super popular \u003cem>Hamilton\u003c/em>-esque musical!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore are speaking in code about sex again, when Blackmail Girl interrupts. All these servants and no one is serving as a bouncer? Who let homegirl in?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, she wants to deliver something to Mary herself and Mrs. Hughes rightly says \"We don't know you\" as shadily \u003ca href=\"http://logoonline.mtvnimages.com/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:newnownext.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/mariah-gif-1442374580.0.gif\" target=\"_blank\">as Mariah Carey would\u003c/a>, but the blackmailer makes it happen because Mrs. Hughes is busy thinking about Carson's \"way of life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Up in Mary's room, Blackmail Girl says a bunch of rude things, while eating a bit of Mary's toast. Then, she THROWS THE PIECE OF TOAST DOWN REALLY HARD! I was so scandalized, I gasped. Did you? Mary calls the woman \"revolting\" and has Anna, who isn't crying for once (!), escort her out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village doctor's office, he and cousin Isobel disagree some more on the hospital crisis. He asks, \"Do you not care?\" I'll answer for all of us and say, Not even a little bit. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Mr. Carson's office, a police officer tells Anna and Bates that some woman has confessed to the murder of the rapist, but that they're not in the clear just yet. Bates is pissed that he told them at all, which means that this police dude has a 82% chance of ending up mysteriously dead before the season is up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Carson tells Robert about the eviction of Daisy's father-in-law (remember she married that dying guy even though she was totally just not that into him way back?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson runs into his fiancé and calls her Mrs. Hughes, as he always does. She suggests he start calling her Elsie. He says, nope, and then presses her to set the date. She refuses and gets the hell away from the gross naked body underneath his clothes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager's maid, Denker, shows up and stirs the pot by telling everyone they're probably getting laid off. Everyone hates her and her weird eyebrows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert confirms that yes, Daisy's father-in-law is probably being evicted. Ah, glad that's settled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's pad, Denker is now telling Spratt, the butler, that he's probably going to be laid off. The Dowager enters and asks Spratt to let the cook know she's ready for dinner. Spratt falls right into Denker's trap by going all Tourette's and blurting out, \"I will, although you could have rang for her yourself!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager whips around and has him beheaded on the spot. Well, actually she just says \"I beg your pardon?!\" in an outraged old lady sort of way, but it's basically the same thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna tells Mary about how much she wanted to slap the blackmailer. Yes, Anna, less crying, more revenge!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's pantry, Mrs. Patmore and Carson finally start talking about sex, albeit only through euphemisms. Carson must decide between sexless companionship or hanging from the chandeliers. Which will it be?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Anna feels like a loser for being barren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside, Carson decides that yes, he does want to have naked sex. Mrs. Patmore says she hopes he gets to have sex soon and goes off to relay the message to Mrs. Hughes. Wow, hooking up pre-Tinder was super involved!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Spratt tattles on Denker because the \"snitches get stitches\" aphorism wasn't invented yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Daisy shares her plans to attend her father-in-law's former landlord's auction by riding in the front of one of the Downton carriages. Mrs. Patmore says Mr. Carson won't allow it and Daisy responds, \"Even Mr. Carson can't always have his own way.\" Yes, Daisy, you immortal, ageless beauty, do whatever you want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, Blackmail Girl is back. Molesley lets her right in 'cause, again, he sucks at life. Carson is over her too and tries to kick her out, but she worms her way in again. After a nuclear holocaust, all that will be left is cockroaches, Cher and Blackmail Girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith tells her aunt that she's met Virginia Woolf before. Way to bury the lead, Edith! I knew you were cool! Her aunt thinks so too and asks if she wants to spend the rest of her life hanging around Downton \"being sniped at by Mary\" or if she wants to be a hipster in London. Be a hipster, Edith! Become Virginia Woolf's publisher and lover 'cause being with men hasn't been really working out for you so far. Lest we forget that burn victim you crushed on who was also your maladjusted cousin or whatever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary comes home to find Blackmail Girl hanging out with her Papa. He pays her off, against Mary's wishes, and BG leaves in a cloud of insults (if it was 2014, I would say \"Bye, Felicia!\" but I can't anymore because 2015 happened so I'll just leave it at \"Bye\").\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Robert proceed to talk about her sex vacation in a much more straightforward manner than Mr. Carson and Mrs. Patmore did earlier. \u003cem>Papa, I had to know if he was bad at sex before I married him and he was!\u003c/em> she said (in so many words).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Plot twist:\u003c/strong> Robert did something awesome for a change! He only paid Blackmail Girl 50 pounds and made her sign a confession! And then he said he believes Mary can run the estate, despite her ovaries! Huzzah!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Hughes is still not sure if she wants to have sex or not. Good grief, girl, just do it. You'll like it. Unless you don't (see: Mary's sex vacation).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Crawleys are leaving for the auction. Edith alludes to leaving Yorkshire to become a Bloomsbury hipster. Mary is at a loss for words 'cause she's probably mad she didn't think of it first.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson randomly ignores Thomas, inspiring another one of Thomas' one-beat-too-long stares and smiles. He's totally going to kill all of these people someday soon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's house, cousin Isobel talks about the hospital situatio….zzzzzzzzzzz. Oops, nodded off there for a second, where was I?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager off-handedly tells Denker she will miss her, although nothing is yet settled. Denker waits until she's in the hallway to die a little inside. The Dowager then shares some advice on how to be a boss with cousin Isobel: \"Sometimes, it's good to rule by fear.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the auction, the Crawleys chat with the sad sack who has to sell all his stuff and move to a small hole in London. He warns ominously not to hang on so long that they lose everything. Edith is like, \u003cem>Right on!\u003c/em> 'cause she's moving soon and no longer gives a damn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, Daisy and her father-in-law, whose family lived and worked at this place for generations, gawk at all the rich people's things…until Daisy finds the new owner who is kicking her father-in-law out and loudly lets him have it. What all that book learnin' has wrought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Edith keep trying to stop her from speaking, but she has \u003ca href=\"https://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq5g36IMra1qijqv8o1_250.gif\" target=\"_blank\">something to say\u003c/a>! \u003cstrong>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/strong> The proletariat rules, the aristocracy drools. This does not go over well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy worries aloud about how she's probably going to get fired, but everyone is like, \u003cem>Shut up, the police officer is back! \u003c/em>He tells everyone that the confession has been confirmed. Anna is officially a free woman!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Crawleys run downstairs to pop some bottles. They even get out the gramophone! Everyone does the 1925 version of twerking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna is excited and all, but she brings up her inability to have babies again 'cause she's gotten used to always being distraught over something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson finds Cora and Robert, asks if he should fire Daisy and compares what she did to Guy Fawkes blowing up Parliament. Those two incidents are exactly the same; you're right, Carson. Ugh, I hope he never ends up having sex. Thankfully, Cora and Robert respond with a tepid \u003cem>meh\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes and Carson finally talk about sex and agree to do it, even though Carson doesn't deserve it. \"If you want me, you can have me, warts and all,\" she says. Then, they make out…using their lips!…zero foreheads involved! Good for them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Blackmail Girl/Not Sybil: \u003c/strong>Better luck next time, loitering jerk. P.S. You're probably going to hell for throwing that piece of toast like that. Hope you packed sunblock.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Isis:\u003c/strong> The \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> producers are gonna have to find more dogs than that, if they want us to forget you, old friend (impossible).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Daisy: \u003c/strong>Tell it, sister! And stay in school!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> For knowing Virginia Woolf and planning on moving out. Your day in the sun has come at last (or has it?)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> We would all be so lucky to have a bestie like you. Talking to Carson, the stodgiest person ever to live, about boinking? That's immediate first place status. A Nobel Peace Prize isn't out of the question either. Take note, other Downton denizens!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Season 5 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/05/downton-abbey-season-5-premiere-recap-lover-you-shouldnt-have-come-over/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Premiere Recap: We Didn't Start the Fire\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/12/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-2-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: I'll Make Love To You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/18/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-3-recap-call-me-maybe/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 3 Recap: Call Me Maybe\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/01/25/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-4-recap-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/01/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-5-recap-saturday-nights-alright-for-fighting/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/09/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-6-recap-runaway-train/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 6 Recap: Runaway Train\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/15/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-7-recap-dog-days-are-over/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: Dog Days Are Over\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/02/22/downton-abbey-season-5-episode-8-recap-london-calling/\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 5 Episode 8 Recap: London Calling\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Last month, much to the frothy anticipation of comic book fans, Netflix released the Marvel web series Jessica Jones. If you're an early adopter -- or even if you just like reading entertainment news -- you know the basics: Jessica is a private eye in NYC with superhero tendencies, PTSD, and a liver designed for whiskey. The show is set in the present, but follows the typical '50s detective noir motif of an alcoholic anti-hero digging up dirt in a metropolis. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The twist? The show continuously subverts gender norms, and places the female protagonist in a role of kick-ass prowess. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A few of her predecessors, Xena and Buffy Summers, were instant cult heroine classics. They taught the little girls of the '90s to throw witticisms into the face of danger, whether at a king dead-set on killing a baby fated to dethrone him, or a boyfriend who turns evil after the first time you two have sex. It's tough to tell right now whether Jones will be an influential cult hit -- she has a dark side that’s hard to stomach. What we \u003cem>can\u003c/em> do is figure out where she fits on the echelon of supernatural female badassery.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">First off: all three shows place a huge emphasis on female friendships. Xena’s sidekick Gabrielle helps Xena pursue the greater good with her maternal instincts, naivete, and sarcastic comebacks. She’s Xena’s moral compass and strategical mind when a roundhouse kick and screaming “ayi-ayi-ayee” just won’t cut it. Also,\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19673\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-19673\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213-400x296.jpg\" alt=\"Gabrielle and Xena\" width=\"400\" height=\"296\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213-400x296.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213.jpg 560w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gabrielle and Xena\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the show was hugely influential with the lesbian community because of the sexual innuendos and tension between the two characters. Maybe not an obvious mainstream media win for the LGBTQ community, but a foot in the door nonetheless. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Buffy, on the other hand, has an entire band of misfits, male and female, watching her back throughout the series. The core of Xander, Willow, and Giles have stuck with her since high school. They’re loyal to a fault, and often getting caught in heartbreaking dilemmas. Jessica only really trusts her best friend Trish Walker, a famed talk show host. Jessica and Trish protect each other while independently working on their own self-preservation. Neither are damsels in distress. Neither ask for a man’s protection.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/mojorojo/status/670495742503489537\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Let’s talk about the inherent beauty of campy television, and ridiculous plot devices. Xena is allegedly the daughter of Ares, yet this is never confirmed. She was first introduced on the series Hercules: The Legendary Journey as a villain. After three episodes of tireless back and forth with Hercules, Xena wooes the audience and lands her own spin-off. Now, in a series that channels much of Evil Dead 2’s humor, she becomes “a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle” and fights mythological creatures in a push-up leather get-up and flawless skin. The dialogue is cringe-worthy. The male adversaries are blundering brutes with zilch chance at overcoming Xena and Gabrielle. The show lasts six seasons; a success. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You move on to Buffy, and you see similar campy ploys, but with a big shift. We’ll get to that big shift in a sec, but first: Buffy is the only Vampire Slayer in existence (aside from Faith), yet she pretty much never has to travel to fight big bads for other countries. What’s up? How was Sunnyvale so conveniently on a Hellmouth? Despite the chiseled jawbone, why was it okay that a 200-something year old vampire, Angel, was Buffy’s first love at 16? Despite the numerous common sense foils and deus ex machina saves, Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s saving grace was the family of stalwart friends with snappy retorts and unwavering loyalty. It was unnervingly exactly what you wanted yourself.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Jessica Jones lacks camp, silliness, and warmth. Instead, you get the bleak reality of life with PTSD, and using alcohol as an emotional crutch. Jones is volatile. You want to root for her, but half of the time her friends give her better advice and she still lashes out. If you want a neat arc of human progress and resilience, Jessica Jones is not the show for you. Instead, it’s a realistic portrayal of the lasting effects of PTSD even after therapy or time has elapsed. It strays so far from campy that you want to pull it back, but the discomfort is a necessary progression of the genre. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Stretching the boundaries of female characterization past the point of likability is brave. It’s experimental, relatable, and it’s causing people to rethink what constitutes a favorite character. I’d recommend all three of these shows. They all pass the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Bechdel test\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> -- and what do you know? They're all on Netflix. There'd be worse ways to kick off your 2016. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Last month, much to the frothy anticipation of comic book fans, Netflix released the Marvel web series Jessica Jones. If you're an early adopter -- or even if you just like reading entertainment news -- you know the basics: Jessica is a private eye in NYC with superhero tendencies, PTSD, and a liver designed for whiskey. The show is set in the present, but follows the typical '50s detective noir motif of an alcoholic anti-hero digging up dirt in a metropolis. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The twist? The show continuously subverts gender norms, and places the female protagonist in a role of kick-ass prowess. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A few of her predecessors, Xena and Buffy Summers, were instant cult heroine classics. They taught the little girls of the '90s to throw witticisms into the face of danger, whether at a king dead-set on killing a baby fated to dethrone him, or a boyfriend who turns evil after the first time you two have sex. It's tough to tell right now whether Jones will be an influential cult hit -- she has a dark side that’s hard to stomach. What we \u003cem>can\u003c/em> do is figure out where she fits on the echelon of supernatural female badassery.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">First off: all three shows place a huge emphasis on female friendships. Xena’s sidekick Gabrielle helps Xena pursue the greater good with her maternal instincts, naivete, and sarcastic comebacks. She’s Xena’s moral compass and strategical mind when a roundhouse kick and screaming “ayi-ayi-ayee” just won’t cut it. Also,\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_19673\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-thumbnail wp-image-19673\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213-400x296.jpg\" alt=\"Gabrielle and Xena\" width=\"400\" height=\"296\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213-400x296.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/rs_560x415-140522135617-rs_1024x759-131212171553-1024.xena_.cm_.121213.jpg 560w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Gabrielle and Xena\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the show was hugely influential with the lesbian community because of the sexual innuendos and tension between the two characters. Maybe not an obvious mainstream media win for the LGBTQ community, but a foot in the door nonetheless. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Let’s talk about the inherent beauty of campy television, and ridiculous plot devices. Xena is allegedly the daughter of Ares, yet this is never confirmed. She was first introduced on the series Hercules: The Legendary Journey as a villain. After three episodes of tireless back and forth with Hercules, Xena wooes the audience and lands her own spin-off. Now, in a series that channels much of Evil Dead 2’s humor, she becomes “a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle” and fights mythological creatures in a push-up leather get-up and flawless skin. The dialogue is cringe-worthy. The male adversaries are blundering brutes with zilch chance at overcoming Xena and Gabrielle. The show lasts six seasons; a success. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You move on to Buffy, and you see similar campy ploys, but with a big shift. We’ll get to that big shift in a sec, but first: Buffy is the only Vampire Slayer in existence (aside from Faith), yet she pretty much never has to travel to fight big bads for other countries. What’s up? How was Sunnyvale so conveniently on a Hellmouth? Despite the chiseled jawbone, why was it okay that a 200-something year old vampire, Angel, was Buffy’s first love at 16? Despite the numerous common sense foils and deus ex machina saves, Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s saving grace was the family of stalwart friends with snappy retorts and unwavering loyalty. It was unnervingly exactly what you wanted yourself.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Jessica Jones lacks camp, silliness, and warmth. Instead, you get the bleak reality of life with PTSD, and using alcohol as an emotional crutch. Jones is volatile. You want to root for her, but half of the time her friends give her better advice and she still lashes out. If you want a neat arc of human progress and resilience, Jessica Jones is not the show for you. Instead, it’s a realistic portrayal of the lasting effects of PTSD even after therapy or time has elapsed. It strays so far from campy that you want to pull it back, but the discomfort is a necessary progression of the genre. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Stretching the boundaries of female characterization past the point of likability is brave. It’s experimental, relatable, and it’s causing people to rethink what constitutes a favorite character. I’d recommend all three of these shows. They all pass the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Bechdel test\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> -- and what do you know? They're all on Netflix. There'd be worse ways to kick off your 2016. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhInIOKwGXU\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"2qpf7ZEfbNT6w7xai0MK7ZvBRV29f1kJ\"]Back in April, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/04/02/have-mercy-a-full-house-reunion-series-is-allegedly-coming-to-netflix/\" target=\"_blank\">news of a \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> revival\u003c/a> materialized and '90s kids rejoiced or pretended to be too cool to care. And now we get our first peek at what Netflix has cooked up. Let's experience this together through a live blog, shall we?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:03 - The Netflix logo reminds us all to stop neglecting whatever series we're currently marathoning. For me, it's \u003ca href=\"http://thegreatbritishbakeoff.co.uk/\" target=\"_blank\">The Great British Bake-Off\u003c/a>, which you should really be watching, if you enjoy polite Brits being really tender with each other and getting emotional about custard. But I digress...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:04 - The Golden Gate Bridge! It feels like only yesterday that baby Mary Kate (or maybe it was Ashley) was chilling hard in the back of a convertible cruising across the Bay with John Stamos and co.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:08 - Cable car means that I'm now really craving some Rice-A-Roni. Good work, Rice-A-Roni marketing wizards!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:12 - A beautiful view of San Francisco featuring the Painted Ladies! Okay, can we talk? This is not where the \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> gang lived so stop saying that. They had a picnic here. That's it! (I care too much.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:17 - Sad music reminiscent of The WB challenges the notion that you can't go home again and the\u003cstrong> real\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> house appears. Maybe you cry or maybe something's just in your eye. No judgment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:23 - Their kitchen has been remodeled because some interior decorator never heard the aphorism: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:24 - The word \"eat\" is painted on the wall, which is a good enough excuse for me to include my favorite Michelle Tanner eats stuff gifs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/9978d510-e604-0132-c016-0a13eebe068d-1434136546.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19509\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19509\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/9978d510-e604-0132-c016-0a13eebe068d-1434136546.gif\" alt=\"michelle brownies gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/gif5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19510\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19510\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/gif5.gif\" alt=\"michelle spaghetti\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/giphy.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19511\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19511\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/giphy.gif\" alt=\"michelle tanner gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"304\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:25 - There is some kids' artwork hanging. These kids won't be Michelle or Stephanie so I plan to ignore them completely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:27 - February 26th is the premiere date a.k.a. when our lives change very slightly. Bring it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:33 - The living room has also been redecorated. A pillow reads \"home.\" This interior decorator is so literal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:37 - \"Life is full again.\" I mean, it would be fuller if the Olsen twins were involved in this, but okay sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:38 - OMG, a baby Golden Retriever!!! Comet's offspring! Actually, I can't handle the idea of Comet being dead. Let's just pretend Michelle became a scientist and figured out how to reverse-age canines. So let's try that again: OMG, a baby \u003cdel>Golden Retriever\u003c/del> and still very vital Comet!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:42 - \"Gosh, it feels so good to be back!\" D.J. says from outside. If she's not living here yet, who redecorated? Stephanie's way cooler than this \u003cem>Martha Stewart Home\u003c/em> nonsense. And Kimmie would never. Aunt Becky? Yeah, she would. Glad we settled that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:44 - \"I'll grab little Tommy,\" Stephanie says from behind the door. In 20 years, little Tommy will decline to participate in \u003cem>Fullest House\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:46 - \"Max, the hair, huh?\" Uncle Jesse is still not into people touching his hair, which is totally his prerogative. We can't see him, but he's definitely still really hot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:48 - \"Max, cut. It. Out!\" Uncle Joey is back too! And this Max person sounds like a real problem.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:53 - \"Jackson, can you watch your brother?\" Wow, D.J. was really busy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:58 - \"D.J., you don't need movers. You got us.\" The series' sugary-sweetness is still intact.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1:00 - The door finally opens and fade to black.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hmm. Well, that wasn't really much to go on, but two things are clear: I will definitely be watching in February and I'm really jazzed that Comet is still alive and will never ever die.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/uhInIOKwGXU'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/uhInIOKwGXU'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>Back in April, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2015/04/02/have-mercy-a-full-house-reunion-series-is-allegedly-coming-to-netflix/\" target=\"_blank\">news of a \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> revival\u003c/a> materialized and '90s kids rejoiced or pretended to be too cool to care. And now we get our first peek at what Netflix has cooked up. Let's experience this together through a live blog, shall we?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:03 - The Netflix logo reminds us all to stop neglecting whatever series we're currently marathoning. For me, it's \u003ca href=\"http://thegreatbritishbakeoff.co.uk/\" target=\"_blank\">The Great British Bake-Off\u003c/a>, which you should really be watching, if you enjoy polite Brits being really tender with each other and getting emotional about custard. But I digress...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:04 - The Golden Gate Bridge! It feels like only yesterday that baby Mary Kate (or maybe it was Ashley) was chilling hard in the back of a convertible cruising across the Bay with John Stamos and co.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:08 - Cable car means that I'm now really craving some Rice-A-Roni. Good work, Rice-A-Roni marketing wizards!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:12 - A beautiful view of San Francisco featuring the Painted Ladies! Okay, can we talk? This is not where the \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> gang lived so stop saying that. They had a picnic here. That's it! (I care too much.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:17 - Sad music reminiscent of The WB challenges the notion that you can't go home again and the\u003cstrong> real\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> house appears. Maybe you cry or maybe something's just in your eye. No judgment.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:23 - Their kitchen has been remodeled because some interior decorator never heard the aphorism: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:24 - The word \"eat\" is painted on the wall, which is a good enough excuse for me to include my favorite Michelle Tanner eats stuff gifs:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/9978d510-e604-0132-c016-0a13eebe068d-1434136546.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19509\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19509\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/9978d510-e604-0132-c016-0a13eebe068d-1434136546.gif\" alt=\"michelle brownies gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/gif5.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19510\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19510\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/gif5.gif\" alt=\"michelle spaghetti\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/giphy.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-19511\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19511\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/12/giphy.gif\" alt=\"michelle tanner gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"304\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:25 - There is some kids' artwork hanging. These kids won't be Michelle or Stephanie so I plan to ignore them completely.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:27 - February 26th is the premiere date a.k.a. when our lives change very slightly. Bring it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:33 - The living room has also been redecorated. A pillow reads \"home.\" This interior decorator is so literal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:37 - \"Life is full again.\" I mean, it would be fuller if the Olsen twins were involved in this, but okay sure.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:38 - OMG, a baby Golden Retriever!!! Comet's offspring! Actually, I can't handle the idea of Comet being dead. Let's just pretend Michelle became a scientist and figured out how to reverse-age canines. So let's try that again: OMG, a baby \u003cdel>Golden Retriever\u003c/del> and still very vital Comet!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:42 - \"Gosh, it feels so good to be back!\" D.J. says from outside. If she's not living here yet, who redecorated? Stephanie's way cooler than this \u003cem>Martha Stewart Home\u003c/em> nonsense. And Kimmie would never. Aunt Becky? Yeah, she would. Glad we settled that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:44 - \"I'll grab little Tommy,\" Stephanie says from behind the door. In 20 years, little Tommy will decline to participate in \u003cem>Fullest House\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:46 - \"Max, the hair, huh?\" Uncle Jesse is still not into people touching his hair, which is totally his prerogative. We can't see him, but he's definitely still really hot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:48 - \"Max, cut. It. Out!\" Uncle Joey is back too! And this Max person sounds like a real problem.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:53 - \"Jackson, can you watch your brother?\" Wow, D.J. was really busy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>0:58 - \"D.J., you don't need movers. You got us.\" The series' sugary-sweetness is still intact.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>1:00 - The door finally opens and fade to black.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hmm. Well, that wasn't really much to go on, but two things are clear: I will definitely be watching in February and I'm really jazzed that Comet is still alive and will never ever die.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>MST3K\u003c/em> superfans: This is not a drill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joel Hodgson, aka the founder and better of the two hosts (\u003ca href=\"http://www.mst3kinfo.com/history/page9.html\" target=\"_blank\">wanna fight about it?\u003c/a>) of the beloved terrible movie and riffing-based comedy show \u003cem>Mystery Science Theater 3000\u003c/em>, sent a missive out into the universe yesterday, Nov. 10, by way of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k\" target=\"_blank\">Kickstarter\u003c/a>: If we raise $2,000,000, he says, we get our beloved \u003cem>MST3K\u003c/em> back on the air, in some form, for the first time since the show was canceled in 1999. He even gets kind of zen in his reasoning:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\u003cb>MST3K is more than just movie riffing. \u003c/b>It's a stranger and denser recipe than just saying smart aleck things to a forgotten movie, but I think this is the secret ingredient: we believed that it's easiest to survive the cheesy movie that we're living in with friends who keep us from taking it all too seriously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, I don’t want to get too maudlin about it, because being too serious is the enemy of comedy. We weren't trying to send a message: job #1 was always to make a funny show. But while we were doing that, I hope we also helped show the kids that society, and the stupid things we say and do to each other, are \"just a show, and you should really just relax.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k/widget/video.html\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/3sbhp7/iam_joel_hodgson_of_mystery_science_theater_3000/\" target=\"_blank\">Hodgson went on to do a Reddit AMA\u003c/a> in the afternoon in which he answered enough questions to occupy, you know, a guy stuck on a fictional planet for an undetermined amount of time. Questions such as: Will the cast be the same? (No. And sources say Joel/Mike will be Jonah Ray.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In any event, the fundraiser has already garnered more than\u003ca href=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k\" target=\"_blank\"> half its goal\u003c/a> just 24 hours after launching. No, I do not care to disclose what percentage of that was donated by me. Suffice it to say this is the only '90s reboot to date that has me genuinely optimistic for something great. Meanwhile, over at the Atlantic, Megan Garber testifies as to \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/11/the-triumphant-return-of-mystery-science-theater-3000/415323/\" target=\"_blank\">why the show always belonged in this era to begin with\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We'll be keeping tabs on which network or online platform bites, as Hodgson says he hasn't exactly figured out particulars of, you know, actually releasing new episodes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While we wait, though, All of \u003cem>Manos: The Hands of Fate\u003c/em> is on YouTube.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNBYuReUSyQ\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>MST3K\u003c/em> superfans: This is not a drill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Joel Hodgson, aka the founder and better of the two hosts (\u003ca href=\"http://www.mst3kinfo.com/history/page9.html\" target=\"_blank\">wanna fight about it?\u003c/a>) of the beloved terrible movie and riffing-based comedy show \u003cem>Mystery Science Theater 3000\u003c/em>, sent a missive out into the universe yesterday, Nov. 10, by way of a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k\" target=\"_blank\">Kickstarter\u003c/a>: If we raise $2,000,000, he says, we get our beloved \u003cem>MST3K\u003c/em> back on the air, in some form, for the first time since the show was canceled in 1999. He even gets kind of zen in his reasoning:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\u003cb>MST3K is more than just movie riffing. \u003c/b>It's a stranger and denser recipe than just saying smart aleck things to a forgotten movie, but I think this is the secret ingredient: we believed that it's easiest to survive the cheesy movie that we're living in with friends who keep us from taking it all too seriously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, I don’t want to get too maudlin about it, because being too serious is the enemy of comedy. We weren't trying to send a message: job #1 was always to make a funny show. But while we were doing that, I hope we also helped show the kids that society, and the stupid things we say and do to each other, are \"just a show, and you should really just relax.”\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe src=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k/widget/video.html\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/3sbhp7/iam_joel_hodgson_of_mystery_science_theater_3000/\" target=\"_blank\">Hodgson went on to do a Reddit AMA\u003c/a> in the afternoon in which he answered enough questions to occupy, you know, a guy stuck on a fictional planet for an undetermined amount of time. Questions such as: Will the cast be the same? (No. And sources say Joel/Mike will be Jonah Ray.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In any event, the fundraiser has already garnered more than\u003ca href=\"https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mst3k/bringbackmst3k\" target=\"_blank\"> half its goal\u003c/a> just 24 hours after launching. No, I do not care to disclose what percentage of that was donated by me. Suffice it to say this is the only '90s reboot to date that has me genuinely optimistic for something great. Meanwhile, over at the Atlantic, Megan Garber testifies as to \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/11/the-triumphant-return-of-mystery-science-theater-3000/415323/\" target=\"_blank\">why the show always belonged in this era to begin with\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Have you been missing Jon Stewart recently? Yeah, me too. Have you spent many days staring out your window looking up at the sky wondering where he is, while singing \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_iRdgGZ6Xc\" target=\"_blank\">Somewhere Out There\u003c/a>\" from \u003cem>An American Tail\u003c/em>? Oh, just me? Whatever; we all cope with loss in our individual ways.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No matter how you express your I-miss-Jon grief, you'll be happy to hear this breaking news: Stewart just signed \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/jon-stewart-headed-hbo-four-836443\" target=\"_blank\">a four-year deal\u003c/a> with HBO! He won't be embarking on a new \u003cem>Daily Show\u003c/em>-esque project just yet, but he will get things started by producing short videos that \"view current events through his unique prism\" for HBO Go and HBO Now (better make sure you sister/friend/ex hasn't changed their password!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stewart had this to say about his new gig: \"Appearing on television 22 minutes a night clearly broke me. I’m pretty sure I can produce a few minutes of content every now and again.\" We can't wait to savor each meager minute of it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Have you been missing Jon Stewart recently? Yeah, me too. Have you spent many days staring out your window looking up at the sky wondering where he is, while singing \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_iRdgGZ6Xc\" target=\"_blank\">Somewhere Out There\u003c/a>\" from \u003cem>An American Tail\u003c/em>? Oh, just me? Whatever; we all cope with loss in our individual ways.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No matter how you express your I-miss-Jon grief, you'll be happy to hear this breaking news: Stewart just signed \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/jon-stewart-headed-hbo-four-836443\" target=\"_blank\">a four-year deal\u003c/a> with HBO! He won't be embarking on a new \u003cem>Daily Show\u003c/em>-esque project just yet, but he will get things started by producing short videos that \"view current events through his unique prism\" for HBO Go and HBO Now (better make sure you sister/friend/ex hasn't changed their password!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stewart had this to say about his new gig: \"Appearing on television 22 minutes a night clearly broke me. I’m pretty sure I can produce a few minutes of content every now and again.\" We can't wait to savor each meager minute of it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>This week, you will be force-fed lists of \u003ca href=\"http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/halloween-2015-12-satisfyingly-spooky-horror-movies-watch-this-week-1525682\" target=\"_blank\">horror movies to watch\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"http://www.ign.com/articles/2015/10/26/18-best-movies-to-watch-on-halloween\" target=\"_blank\">Halloween classics to revisit\u003c/a>, and the ever-unfunny \u003ca href=\"http://whatculture.com/tv/simpsons-10-best-treehouse-horror-episodes.php\" target=\"_blank\">\"Treehouse of Horror\" episodes\u003c/a> from \u003cem>The Simpsons\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ignore these lists. The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is the only thing worth watching this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shot in 1976 and aired exactly once, the hour-long special is a crash course in camp, featuring Paul Lynde, Donny & Marie Osmond and Betty White. Margaret Hamilton reprises her role as the Wicked Witch of the West from \u003cem>The Wizard of Oz\u003c/em>. Florence Henderson sings a disco version of \"That Old Black Magic.\" KISS plays three songs. Paul Lynde is \u003cem>fabulous\u003c/em>. The entire thing is bonkers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Without further ado:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUOBCWMti1Y\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1RFqJv73kM\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/L1qFfItfnXY\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzQS2BcjtOw\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/Y9FPY-dMbCI\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yes, kids, TV really was once this bizarre.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>This week, you will be force-fed lists of \u003ca href=\"http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/halloween-2015-12-satisfyingly-spooky-horror-movies-watch-this-week-1525682\" target=\"_blank\">horror movies to watch\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"http://www.ign.com/articles/2015/10/26/18-best-movies-to-watch-on-halloween\" target=\"_blank\">Halloween classics to revisit\u003c/a>, and the ever-unfunny \u003ca href=\"http://whatculture.com/tv/simpsons-10-best-treehouse-horror-episodes.php\" target=\"_blank\">\"Treehouse of Horror\" episodes\u003c/a> from \u003cem>The Simpsons\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ignore these lists. The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is the only thing worth watching this week.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shot in 1976 and aired exactly once, the hour-long special is a crash course in camp, featuring Paul Lynde, Donny & Marie Osmond and Betty White. Margaret Hamilton reprises her role as the Wicked Witch of the West from \u003cem>The Wizard of Oz\u003c/em>. Florence Henderson sings a disco version of \"That Old Black Magic.\" KISS plays three songs. Paul Lynde is \u003cem>fabulous\u003c/em>. The entire thing is bonkers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Without further ado:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/fUOBCWMti1Y'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/fUOBCWMti1Y'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Who Wants to Watch a Show About the 'Real Teens of Silicon Valley'?",
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"content": "\u003cp>Hey, kids! Have you heard about the tech industry? Did you know that it has made a lot of people a whole bunch of money over the past decade? Did you know that many of those people are very young -- some of them still in their teens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is, ostensibly, the entire premise for a TV show currently in the works called \u003cem>In the Wild\u003c/em>, which promises to chronicle \"the almost-adult lives of the industry’s newest recruits as they learn how to live on their own for the first time while navigating the high stakes VC tech world,\" \u003ca href=\"http://deadline.com/2015/10/matt-reeves-20th-tv-overall-deal-in-the-wild-fox-drama-natalie-krinsky-1201587937/\" target=\"_blank\">according to \u003cem>Deadline\u003c/em>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The series is brought to you by showrunner Matthew Reeves -- a co-creator, alongside J.J. Abrams, of the late, great love-triangle-and-drastic-haircut vehicle known as \u003cem>Felicity \u003c/em>-- and will be based in part on a story that California Sunday magazine published this past June, \u003ca href=\"https://stories.californiasunday.com/2015-06-07/real-teenagers-silicon-valley/\" target=\"_blank\">titled \u003c/a>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://stories.californiasunday.com/2015-06-07/real-teenagers-silicon-valley/\" target=\"_blank\">The Real Teens of Silicon Valley\u003c/a>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, that story was well-written, a sharp-eyed look at some of the youngest players in tech -- many of them high-school dropouts -- and the bubble-ensconced, frat-like San Francisco they inhabit. Tech writer Nellie Bowles documented these kids' more noxious behaviors as well as their potential for being taken advantage of and their lack of self-awareness, in many instances, with empathy and understanding. She deftly identified that \"There is something odd about this fetishization of teen talent and how far venture capitalists will go to get it, as well as how skeptical they can be of anyone over 25, given the fact that most billion-dollar startups today — Uber, WhatsApp, Slack — were founded by seasoned adults.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a good story, but somehow, I'm not seeing that nuance translating so easily into a TV show. For one, doesn't the fact that the entertainment industry even has the demand for yet another show about tech workers smack of fetishization? \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CDBX1PA/?ie=UTF8&redirect=true\" target=\"_blank\">Amazon's \u003cem>Betas\u003c/em>\u003c/a> lasted a whopping 11 episodes before getting canned, while the jury's still out on whether or not \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/arts/2015/06/04/is-94110-san-franciscos-techie-tv-drama-just-performance-art/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>94110\u003c/em> is high-concept trolling or an actual show\u003c/a>. Meanwhile, \u003cem>Silicon Valley\u003c/em> is a success mainly, arguably, because Mike Judge is a genius of a talent, and has crafted \u003ca href=\"http://www.modernluxury.com/san-francisco/story/freaks-of-the-industry\" target=\"_blank\">a universe that reads to tech outsiders like mockery and to insiders like, well, in-jokes\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More to the point: Is anyone else just a little bit perplexed by what seems like this mass assumption that we all find the lives of startup workers inherently fascinating? They're making money, yes, which is one ingredient for good drama. And this show, in particular, is focusing on the youth element -- always nice for ratings. But beyond that, truly, what gives? It's a profession that literally involves staring at a screen all day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have an insatiable need for shows about tech bros, and would like to explain it to me, I'm all ears. Until then: Here's hoping Reeves finds the tech equivalent of a \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2014/04/29/felicitys-ben-or-noel-conundrum-how-the-side-you-took-predicted-your-entire-love-life/\" target=\"_blank\">Ben/Noel dichotomy\u003c/a> to play with. I ain't holdin' my breath.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Hey, kids! Have you heard about the tech industry? Did you know that it has made a lot of people a whole bunch of money over the past decade? Did you know that many of those people are very young -- some of them still in their teens?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is, ostensibly, the entire premise for a TV show currently in the works called \u003cem>In the Wild\u003c/em>, which promises to chronicle \"the almost-adult lives of the industry’s newest recruits as they learn how to live on their own for the first time while navigating the high stakes VC tech world,\" \u003ca href=\"http://deadline.com/2015/10/matt-reeves-20th-tv-overall-deal-in-the-wild-fox-drama-natalie-krinsky-1201587937/\" target=\"_blank\">according to \u003cem>Deadline\u003c/em>\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The series is brought to you by showrunner Matthew Reeves -- a co-creator, alongside J.J. Abrams, of the late, great love-triangle-and-drastic-haircut vehicle known as \u003cem>Felicity \u003c/em>-- and will be based in part on a story that California Sunday magazine published this past June, \u003ca href=\"https://stories.californiasunday.com/2015-06-07/real-teenagers-silicon-valley/\" target=\"_blank\">titled \u003c/a>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://stories.californiasunday.com/2015-06-07/real-teenagers-silicon-valley/\" target=\"_blank\">The Real Teens of Silicon Valley\u003c/a>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, that story was well-written, a sharp-eyed look at some of the youngest players in tech -- many of them high-school dropouts -- and the bubble-ensconced, frat-like San Francisco they inhabit. Tech writer Nellie Bowles documented these kids' more noxious behaviors as well as their potential for being taken advantage of and their lack of self-awareness, in many instances, with empathy and understanding. She deftly identified that \"There is something odd about this fetishization of teen talent and how far venture capitalists will go to get it, as well as how skeptical they can be of anyone over 25, given the fact that most billion-dollar startups today — Uber, WhatsApp, Slack — were founded by seasoned adults.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a good story, but somehow, I'm not seeing that nuance translating so easily into a TV show. For one, doesn't the fact that the entertainment industry even has the demand for yet another show about tech workers smack of fetishization? \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CDBX1PA/?ie=UTF8&redirect=true\" target=\"_blank\">Amazon's \u003cem>Betas\u003c/em>\u003c/a> lasted a whopping 11 episodes before getting canned, while the jury's still out on whether or not \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/arts/2015/06/04/is-94110-san-franciscos-techie-tv-drama-just-performance-art/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>94110\u003c/em> is high-concept trolling or an actual show\u003c/a>. Meanwhile, \u003cem>Silicon Valley\u003c/em> is a success mainly, arguably, because Mike Judge is a genius of a talent, and has crafted \u003ca href=\"http://www.modernluxury.com/san-francisco/story/freaks-of-the-industry\" target=\"_blank\">a universe that reads to tech outsiders like mockery and to insiders like, well, in-jokes\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>More to the point: Is anyone else just a little bit perplexed by what seems like this mass assumption that we all find the lives of startup workers inherently fascinating? They're making money, yes, which is one ingredient for good drama. And this show, in particular, is focusing on the youth element -- always nice for ratings. But beyond that, truly, what gives? It's a profession that literally involves staring at a screen all day.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If you have an insatiable need for shows about tech bros, and would like to explain it to me, I'm all ears. Until then: Here's hoping Reeves finds the tech equivalent of a \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2014/04/29/felicitys-ben-or-noel-conundrum-how-the-side-you-took-predicted-your-entire-love-life/\" target=\"_blank\">Ben/Noel dichotomy\u003c/a> to play with. I ain't holdin' my breath.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"info": "Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us",
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"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
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"info": "A two-time Peabody Award-winner, Radiolab is an investigation told through sounds and stories, and centered around one big idea. In the Radiolab world, information sounds like music and science and culture collide. Hosted by Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich, the show is designed for listeners who demand skepticism, but appreciate wonder. WNYC Studios is the producer of other leading podcasts including Freakonomics Radio, Death, Sex & Money, On the Media and many more.",
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"tagline": "Art is where you find it",
"info": "Rightnowish digs into life in the Bay Area right now… ish. Journalist Pendarvis Harshaw takes us to galleries painted on the sides of liquor stores in West Oakland. We'll dance in warehouses in the Bayview, make smoothies with kids in South Berkeley, and listen to classical music in a 1984 Cutlass Supreme in Richmond. Every week, Pen talks to movers and shakers about how the Bay Area shapes what they create, and how they shape the place we call home.",
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"soldout": {
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"info": "Tech Nation is a weekly public radio program, hosted by Dr. Moira Gunn. Founded in 1993, it has grown from a simple interview show to a multi-faceted production, featuring conversations with noted technology and science leaders, and a weekly science and technology-related commentary.",
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"title": "TED Radio Hour",
"info": "The TED Radio Hour is a journey through fascinating ideas, astonishing inventions, fresh approaches to old problems, and new ways to think and create.",
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"tagline": "Local news to keep you rooted",
"info": "Host Devin Katayama walks you through the biggest story of the day with reporters and newsmakers.",
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