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"content": "\u003cp>Imagine \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>, but instead of New York City, the action takes place in Accra, Ghana.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This remix is called \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>, a Ghanaian series that debuted on YouTube two years ago. The girlfriends are five \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfnIpZjvPlY\">fashionable\u003c/a> African women raised abroad who have returned home to continue high-powered careers, look for love and have sex. Lots of sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The very first episode opens with passengers deplaning at Ghana's Kotoka International Airport at dusk. Among them is the show's main character, Nana Yaa, who's returning to \"the continent\" after growing up in New York since age 7.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dressed in a white tank top, dark denim jeans and a perfectly tailored black jacket perched atop her shoulders, Nana Yaa strides over to the customs agent. But before she has time to take her passport from her designer handbag, he tells her she's in the wrong line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The line for the non-Ghanaians is at the other side,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She pushes her passport through the opening in the bulletproof glass with that \"I told you so\" cock of the head and declares in broken Twi, a local language, \"I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> Ghanaian.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Christabel Nsiah-Buadi is a journalist and writer living in Los Angeles who identifies as a British-born Ghanaian. She has watched \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> and says that airport scene drew her right in.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg7hUuWKe2U\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I cracked up because that's exactly what happened to me,\" Nsiah-Buadi says. \"You identify as Ghanaian and someone who you know you look like is saying to you, 'No, no, no, you don't belong in this line, you belong in that line.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi explains that these kinds of assumptions, based on how you're dressed or the language you speak, can immediately shatter the romantic illusion of coming back \"home.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show's creator, Nicole Amarteifio, who was born in Ghana and raised in New York, says she wrote \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> for women just like Nsiah-Buadi: Africans who came of age abroad, in the U.S. or Britain.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I felt that they couldn't really relate to Nollywood,\" says Amarteifio, referring to West Africa's film capital, located in Nigeria. \"But there was a lot about Hollywood they could relate to, so that gap between Nollywood and Hollywood, I was trying to fill it for that audience.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Amarteifio says she hoped to tell a story about Africa that had nothing to do with war, poverty and famine. She wanted to capture the present: a moment when young professionals, like herself, are coming back to start businesses, work for NGOs or as executives for international companies. She holds a bachelor's degree from Brandeis and a master's from Georgetown, and came back to Ghana as a social media strategist for the World Bank.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says the way to tell that story — her story — came to her while lounging on her couch in Accra, watching an episode of \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>. \"What would the show be like set in Accra?\" she wondered. \"That would be the way to fight the \u003ca href=\"https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en\">single story\u003c/a>,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>'s \"Carrie Bradshaw\" is Nana Yaa, a journalist with her own radio show. And, like Bradshaw, Nana Yaa acts as narrator, cluing us into her love drama and that of her best girlfriends: Ngozi, Makena, Sade and Zainab.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21642\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/nanayaa_custom-144c19bd098bdcbb78e4ed28b8a575b195577162-s400-c85.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21642\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-21642\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/nanayaa_custom-144c19bd098bdcbb78e4ed28b8a575b195577162-s400-c85.jpg\" alt=\"Nana Yaa, An African City‘s protagonist, is played by New York-based actress MaameYaa Boafo. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nana Yaa, An African City‘s protagonist, is played by New York-based actress MaameYaa Boafo. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>These women and the men they date are Africa's 1 percent. They're highly educated and come from families with connections. Nana Yaa's father is the minister of energy in Ghana, and Sade's dad is the pastor of a megachurch in Nigeria. The ladies dress fabulously and are always perfectly coiffed and accessorized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They're very privileged young women,\" says Nsiah-Buadi, the LA-based fan of the show. \"On that level, that's not realistic, to me anyway. Maybe to someone else, but that's not the life that I live.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi says the characters's bourgie ways can irritate her at times, like when they talk down to waiters and manicurists, or blame their missing bras on \"the help.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi chatted about the show recently with her friend and fellow Ghanaian Essie Blankson-Turner, an entrepreneur living in Los Angeles. Blankson-Turner says overall, the show's good outweighs the bad. \"I like seeing Ghanaian women on the screen, I like the fact that our stories are being told, and I like the fact that I can relate to it in some aspect,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I love the fact that they're gorgeous,\" says Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Yes!\" replies Blankson-Turner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I love the fact that they get to wear the most amazing clothes,\" adds Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All the time!\" returns Blankson-Turner, laughing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I'm literally, like, I want that lipstick, I want those earrings. I mean, even that — how often do we get to do that?\" says Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And both women add: When do you ever get to see African women talk about sex so openly and see them enjoy it on screen? They told me that's just not acceptable, broadly speaking, in the larger conservative — and predominantly Christian — Ghanaian culture, where you know better than to talk about such things publicly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21640\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21640\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-21640\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg\" alt=\"Sade of <em>An African City</em> is played by Ghanaian-American actress Nana Mensah. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\" width=\"800\" height=\"532\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85-768x511.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sade of \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> is played by Ghanaian-American actress Nana Mensah. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Instead, Sade (the sexually liberated, Samantha Jones-esque character in \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>) lets it all hang out. In one scene, the girls are lounging poolside, counseling their friend Makena on the best way to ask her boyfriend to use a condom. Sade whips out a stack to show she's always prepared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Trojans, Durex, Fiesta, Rockdoms — pick your poison, baby!\" she says to Makena, who asks if Sade really uses all of those condoms. \"Indeed,\" Sade replies matter-of-factly. \"Take as many as you want, but leave the Rockdoms for me. I'm seeing Kwame later tonight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sade is played by actress Nana Mensah, whose parents immigrated from Ghana to America's East Coast, where she was raised. Mensah says she loves it when other first-generation women come up to her and say they identify with the show. And she adds that she's heard positive responses to her character, Sade, from both contemporaries and women her mom's age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Somebody even said, 'Can Sade do a spinoff?' \" laughs Mensah. \"Yeah ... that sounds like a lot of work.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A spinoff is not in\u003cem> An\u003c/em> \u003cem>African City\u003c/em>'s future. But the show that started as a free Web series on YouTube, backed by $75,000 out of creator Amarteifio's World Bank-job savings, is now a money-making venture. You can buy an online subscription for Season 2, and the show's got licensing deals with networks in Africa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mensah hopes that in future seasons her character, Sade, will stop obsessing over the married men she's bedding and start using that degree from Harvard Business School. \"Get your own man, Sade, come on!\" she says. \"I'm feeling a little bit ready to let that go. I'd like to focus on more of Sade's work life, maybe?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nicole Amarteifio says she's not sure what's next for her characters, but she knows one thing \u003cem>won't\u003c/em> be changing: She's not going to take any of the steam out of the scenes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\u003cem>Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"http://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Sex+And+%27An+African+City%27%3A+A+Steamy+Ghanaian+Show+You+Don%27t+Want+To+Miss&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\" alt=\"\">\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Imagine \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>, but instead of New York City, the action takes place in Accra, Ghana.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This remix is called \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>, a Ghanaian series that debuted on YouTube two years ago. The girlfriends are five \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfnIpZjvPlY\">fashionable\u003c/a> African women raised abroad who have returned home to continue high-powered careers, look for love and have sex. Lots of sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The very first episode opens with passengers deplaning at Ghana's Kotoka International Airport at dusk. Among them is the show's main character, Nana Yaa, who's returning to \"the continent\" after growing up in New York since age 7.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dressed in a white tank top, dark denim jeans and a perfectly tailored black jacket perched atop her shoulders, Nana Yaa strides over to the customs agent. But before she has time to take her passport from her designer handbag, he tells her she's in the wrong line.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The line for the non-Ghanaians is at the other side,\" he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She pushes her passport through the opening in the bulletproof glass with that \"I told you so\" cock of the head and declares in broken Twi, a local language, \"I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> Ghanaian.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Christabel Nsiah-Buadi is a journalist and writer living in Los Angeles who identifies as a British-born Ghanaian. She has watched \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> and says that airport scene drew her right in.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/kg7hUuWKe2U'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/kg7hUuWKe2U'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\"I cracked up because that's exactly what happened to me,\" Nsiah-Buadi says. \"You identify as Ghanaian and someone who you know you look like is saying to you, 'No, no, no, you don't belong in this line, you belong in that line.' \"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi explains that these kinds of assumptions, based on how you're dressed or the language you speak, can immediately shatter the romantic illusion of coming back \"home.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The show's creator, Nicole Amarteifio, who was born in Ghana and raised in New York, says she wrote \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> for women just like Nsiah-Buadi: Africans who came of age abroad, in the U.S. or Britain.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I felt that they couldn't really relate to Nollywood,\" says Amarteifio, referring to West Africa's film capital, located in Nigeria. \"But there was a lot about Hollywood they could relate to, so that gap between Nollywood and Hollywood, I was trying to fill it for that audience.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Amarteifio says she hoped to tell a story about Africa that had nothing to do with war, poverty and famine. She wanted to capture the present: a moment when young professionals, like herself, are coming back to start businesses, work for NGOs or as executives for international companies. She holds a bachelor's degree from Brandeis and a master's from Georgetown, and came back to Ghana as a social media strategist for the World Bank.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says the way to tell that story — her story — came to her while lounging on her couch in Accra, watching an episode of \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>. \"What would the show be like set in Accra?\" she wondered. \"That would be the way to fight the \u003ca href=\"https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en\">single story\u003c/a>,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>'s \"Carrie Bradshaw\" is Nana Yaa, a journalist with her own radio show. And, like Bradshaw, Nana Yaa acts as narrator, cluing us into her love drama and that of her best girlfriends: Ngozi, Makena, Sade and Zainab.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21642\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\" style=\"max-width: 400px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/nanayaa_custom-144c19bd098bdcbb78e4ed28b8a575b195577162-s400-c85.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21642\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-21642\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/nanayaa_custom-144c19bd098bdcbb78e4ed28b8a575b195577162-s400-c85.jpg\" alt=\"Nana Yaa, An African City‘s protagonist, is played by New York-based actress MaameYaa Boafo. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Nana Yaa, An African City‘s protagonist, is played by New York-based actress MaameYaa Boafo. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>These women and the men they date are Africa's 1 percent. They're highly educated and come from families with connections. Nana Yaa's father is the minister of energy in Ghana, and Sade's dad is the pastor of a megachurch in Nigeria. The ladies dress fabulously and are always perfectly coiffed and accessorized.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"They're very privileged young women,\" says Nsiah-Buadi, the LA-based fan of the show. \"On that level, that's not realistic, to me anyway. Maybe to someone else, but that's not the life that I live.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi says the characters's bourgie ways can irritate her at times, like when they talk down to waiters and manicurists, or blame their missing bras on \"the help.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nsiah-Buadi chatted about the show recently with her friend and fellow Ghanaian Essie Blankson-Turner, an entrepreneur living in Los Angeles. Blankson-Turner says overall, the show's good outweighs the bad. \"I like seeing Ghanaian women on the screen, I like the fact that our stories are being told, and I like the fact that I can relate to it in some aspect,\" she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I love the fact that they're gorgeous,\" says Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Yes!\" replies Blankson-Turner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I love the fact that they get to wear the most amazing clothes,\" adds Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All the time!\" returns Blankson-Turner, laughing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I'm literally, like, I want that lipstick, I want those earrings. I mean, even that — how often do we get to do that?\" says Nsiah-Buadi.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And both women add: When do you ever get to see African women talk about sex so openly and see them enjoy it on screen? They told me that's just not acceptable, broadly speaking, in the larger conservative — and predominantly Christian — Ghanaian culture, where you know better than to talk about such things publicly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21640\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21640\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-21640\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg\" alt=\"Sade of <em>An African City</em> is played by Ghanaian-American actress Nana Mensah. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\" width=\"800\" height=\"532\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/sade_custom-6c3e8d3470735137189ffbb3d0246c3cf2ddbb61-s800-c85-768x511.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sade of \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em> is played by Ghanaian-American actress Nana Mensah. (Photo: Emmanuel Bobbie/An African City Ltd.)\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Instead, Sade (the sexually liberated, Samantha Jones-esque character in \u003cem>An African City\u003c/em>) lets it all hang out. In one scene, the girls are lounging poolside, counseling their friend Makena on the best way to ask her boyfriend to use a condom. Sade whips out a stack to show she's always prepared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Trojans, Durex, Fiesta, Rockdoms — pick your poison, baby!\" she says to Makena, who asks if Sade really uses all of those condoms. \"Indeed,\" Sade replies matter-of-factly. \"Take as many as you want, but leave the Rockdoms for me. I'm seeing Kwame later tonight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sade is played by actress Nana Mensah, whose parents immigrated from Ghana to America's East Coast, where she was raised. Mensah says she loves it when other first-generation women come up to her and say they identify with the show. And she adds that she's heard positive responses to her character, Sade, from both contemporaries and women her mom's age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Somebody even said, 'Can Sade do a spinoff?' \" laughs Mensah. \"Yeah ... that sounds like a lot of work.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A spinoff is not in\u003cem> An\u003c/em> \u003cem>African City\u003c/em>'s future. But the show that started as a free Web series on YouTube, backed by $75,000 out of creator Amarteifio's World Bank-job savings, is now a money-making venture. You can buy an online subscription for Season 2, and the show's got licensing deals with networks in Africa.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mensah hopes that in future seasons her character, Sade, will stop obsessing over the married men she's bedding and start using that degree from Harvard Business School. \"Get your own man, Sade, come on!\" she says. \"I'm feeling a little bit ready to let that go. I'd like to focus on more of Sade's work life, maybe?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nicole Amarteifio says she's not sure what's next for her characters, but she knows one thing \u003cem>won't\u003c/em> be changing: She's not going to take any of the steam out of the scenes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\u003cem>Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"http://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Sex+And+%27An+African+City%27%3A+A+Steamy+Ghanaian+Show+You+Don%27t+Want+To+Miss&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\" alt=\"\">\u003c/em>\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "What Would It Mean to Have a 'Hapa' Bachelorette?",
"title": "What Would It Mean to Have a 'Hapa' Bachelorette?",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>On a recent episode of \u003cem>The Bachelor,\u003c/em> the ABC dating reality show that ends its 20th season Monday night, contestant Caila Quinn brings Ben Higgins home to meet her interracial family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Have you ever met Filipinos before?\" Quinn's mother asks, leading Higgins into a dining room where the table is filled with traditional Filipino food.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I don't know,\" he replies. \"No. I don't think so.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As they sit around the adobo and pancit, Quinn's father talks to Higgins, white man to white man. What comes with dating Quinn, the father says, \"is a very special Philippine community.\" Quinn grimaces.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had no idea what I was getting into when I married Caila's mother,\" the father says. But being married to a Filipina, he assures Higgins, has been \"the most fun\" and \"magical.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This scene can be read as an attempt by \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> franchise to dispel criticisms \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/monkeysee/2012/10/16/162992776/a-judge-dismisses-the-bachelor-discrimination-lawsuit-but-not-its-concerns\" target=\"_blank\">(and the memory of a 2012 lawsuit)\u003c/a> concerning its whitewashed casts. It shows how these attempts can be clunky at best, offensive and creepy at worst.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Quinn's run also demonstrates how, as this rose-strewn, fantasy-fueled romance machine tries to include more people of color, diversification looks like biracial Asian-American — often known as \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/12/15/370416571/half-asian-half-white-no-hapa\" target=\"_blank\">hapa\u003c/a>\" — women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Among the 19 women who have won the \"final rose\" since \u003cem>The Bachelor \u003c/em>premiered in 2002, two — Tessa Horst and Catherine Giudici — have been biracial Asian-white. All other winners, aside from Mary Delgado in 2004 who was Cuban-American, appear to have been white. As these \u003ca href=\"http://www.karenx.com/blog/minorities-on-the-bachelor-when-do-they-get-eliminated/\" target=\"_blank\">handy graphics\u003c/a> by writer and video artist Karen X. Cheng show, in the previous seven years, the only women of color who lasted into the final few weeks were of mixed-race Asian-white background.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21203\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-21203\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-800x449.jpg\" alt=\"Christopher Johnson (left) and Nathaniel Claybrooks unsuccessfully sued 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette' in 2012, claiming the shows kept contestants of color out of starring roles\" width=\"800\" height=\"449\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-400x225.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-768x431.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1440x809.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1920x1078.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1180x663.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-960x539.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Christopher Johnson (left) and Nathaniel Claybrooks unsuccessfully sued 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette' in 2012, claiming the shows kept contestants of color out of starring roles \u003ccite>(Photo: Mark Humphrey)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Other women of color on \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> tend to follow a familiar pattern: They may face hostility and racial anxieties from other contestants, then disappear from the screen early in the season. The latest example is Jubilee Sharpe, this season's black military veteran who fielded \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/2014/04/03/298736678/microaggressions-be-careful-what-you-say\" target=\"_blank\">microaggressions\u003c/a> from other contestants and suffered tension with the two biracial African-American and white women. On the show, these conflicts were coded with euphemisms: Sharpe was \"layered\" and \"complicated\" and \"different.\" Sharpe stuck around longer than most black women, but was still eliminated within the first half of the season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, ABC executives \u003ca href=\"http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/the-bachelor-bachelorette-black-diverse-contestant-abc-1201676020/\" target=\"_blank\">have hinted\u003c/a> that the next woman to lead the spinoff show \u003cem>The Bachelorette\u003c/em> will be — for the first time — a woman of color. Who is the rumored lucky lady? Caila Quinn, whose father tried and failed to sell Higgins on the advantages of Filipina wives this season. Anointing her as the first bachelorette of color would be a safe, predictable choice for the franchise. Producers could hold Quinn up as proof the shows are changing, while continuing to reflect and reinforce racial stereotypes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To understand why only a narrow group of women of color — biracial Asian-white women — survive in this world is to delve into romantic tropes, the stuff \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> is made of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"As objects of beauty, these women are benefiting from two helpful stereotypes about female desirability,\" said Ann Morning, associate professor of sociology at New York University. One is whiteness as the persisting standard of beauty. The other is Asian women as sexualized, exotic and submissive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Taken alone, the first stereotype can be detrimental. \"Today, being white is often perceived as a kind of boring, colorless identity,\" Morning said. But that stereotype about whiteness can work to balance negative stereotypes about Asian women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lily Anne Welty Tamai, curator of history at the Japanese American National Museum (and a friend of mine), explained where these stereotypes about Asian women come from. The trope of Puccini's 1904 \u003cem>Madama Butterfly\u003c/em> paved the way for American incarnations of a tragic love story between an American soldier and Asian woman in the mid-20th century, when American soldiers brought home war stories — and sometimes brides — from Asia, where women were often part of the conquest. Popular narratives included the 1957 film \u003cem>Sayonara\u003c/em> and the 1989 musical \u003cem>Miss Saigon.\u003c/em> (\"I guess they just never got around to making the Korea version,\" Tamai said.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These stories cemented in the American consciousness the idea of the Asian woman as the foreign sex toy: the geisha, the china doll, the \"me love you long time\" sex worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Asian-American women today still experience the wrath of those legacies every day,\" said Joanne Rondilla, a lecturer of Asian Pacific American Studies at Arizona State University. Rondilla pointed to the \"Creepy White Guys\" Tumblr that collected offensive messages sent to Asian-American women via online dating platforms. In a similar vein, last year Mia Matsumiya created an \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/perv_magnet/\" target=\"_blank\">Instagram account\u003c/a> to post the thousand-plus \"messages from creeps, weirdos & fetishists\" she's received over the past decade. My personal favorite calling out of these dating dynamics is comedian Kristina Wong's incredible \u003ca href=\"http://myx.tv/show/video/latest/episode1-i-m-asian-american-and-i-want-reparations-for-yellow-fever\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>I'm Asian American and...\u003c/em> episode\u003c/a> in which she collects \"reparations for yellow fever\" on dates with white men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>, producers exercised these stereotypes about Asian-American women the last time they cast a single-race Asian-American woman. In 2010, contestant Channy Choch was introduced to viewers and bachelor Jake Pavelka with her inviting him in Cambodian to have sex with her. Later, she laughingly spoke to the camera about how Pavelka \"needs a little bit of Cambodian fever.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All her moments on screen highlight her Cambodian heritage and her sexual desires — usually both at once, drawing a link between these,\" Rachel Dubrofsky told me by email. Dubrofsky, associate professor of communication at the University of South Florida, wrote \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/The-Surveillance-Women-Reality-Television/dp/0739164988\" target=\"_blank\">a book\u003c/a> analyzing \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> franchise, and found that women of color win the prize of a proposal only when their \"racial difference is treated as not only unimportant, but as nonexistent.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What's exciting on Tinder, the show communicates, becomes unacceptable when matrimony is involved. \"If this show was called \u003cem>The Hookup\u003c/em>, and contestants were having one-night stands, we'd see more racially diverse pools of people,\" Morning said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mixed-race Asian-white women become the perfect vehicles for diversity on this show because they are \"white enough to present to the family,\" as Morning said, while still being exotic enough to fill a quota. Morning suggested they also get a boost from the model minority myth and the recent idea that being multiracial is \"cool.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until this season's Quinn family dinner scene, the ethnic identities of \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/12/15/370416571/half-asian-half-white-no-hapa\" target=\"_blank\">hapa women\u003c/a> have been largely unremarked upon onscreen. Instead, only a vague, alluring, comfortable kind of distinction might be mentioned. \"She was different,\" \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/01/06/260119028/the-first-latino-bachelor-makes-his-debut\" target=\"_blank\">bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis\u003c/a> said of contestant Sharleen Joynt, a Chinese-Canadian opera singer from season 18. \"She was elegant, and I was, like, surprised. She was so classy. And she's sexy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside the final media product presented by makers of the show, more explicit exotification can happen. In 2007, bachelor Andy Baldwin chose Tessa Horst as his final pick. Throughout the season, Horst's Chinese-white background is never mentioned and, as Dubrofsky noted, \"is only briefly apparent during the hometown date where her [Asian] mom appears. ... Her mom, however, barely speaks, and is mostly seen in the background.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only after the season had ended did we glimpse how Horst's race might have played into her relationship with Baldwin. At a press conference in Waikiki, \u003ca href=\"http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/26/AR2007052600267.html\" target=\"_blank\"> Baldwin said of his choice\u003c/a>, \"I always say the mutts are the most exotic and beautiful.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is the kind of comment mixed-race Asian-American women contend with outside the sanitized space of \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>. \"We're exotified for being mixed,\" said Athena Mari Asklipiadis, a board member at Multiracial Americans of Southern California. \"If a man has an Asian fetish, he'll play that up in what he sees in me.\" She said fetishization also can come from Asian-American men who see her whiteness as exotic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Caila Quinn is cast as the first bachelorette of color, producers will probably continue to omit thornier realities. Her casting could represent some form of progress, though, if producers continue to highlight her Filipina heritage, however awkwardly. Portraying an Asian-American woman as the ultimate marriage material — and not as a sexualized joke — could signal a step toward better humanizing people of color in this space. But it also could be just another spin on the \"model minority\" myth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And there's the question of how diverse her suitors would be. A bachelorette of color presents a dilemma for producers: either an interracial romance — still controversial to some viewers — or a relationship in which neither person is white (who will the white audience relate to?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Myra Washington, assistant professor of communication at the University of New Mexico, predicted an increase in black contestants if Quinn becomes the bachelorette. \"Not Wesley Snipes black, because this is still TV,\" she said. She guessed there would be more mixed-race African-Americans, brown-skinned men, Latinos. But colonial legacies and systems of power die hard. \"I think she'll ultimately end up with a white dude,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://akemijohnson.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Akemi Johnson\u003c/a> is a writer whose work has appeared in \u003c/em>The Nation\u003cem>, \u003c/em>The Journal\u003cem> and \u003c/em>The Asian American Literary Review\u003cem>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"http://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=What+Would+It+Mean+To+Have+A+%27Hapa%27+Bachelorette%3F&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\" alt=\"\">\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">For more deep analysis of \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>, listen to this episode of \u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>:\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\n\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/246677395&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\n\u003c/div>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "ABC is set to announce a new lead for \u003cem>The \u003c/em>\u003cem>Bachelorette \u003c/em>on Monday night. But would choosing Caila Quinn, who is Asian and white, be a sign of progress in casting diversity or something else?",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>On a recent episode of \u003cem>The Bachelor,\u003c/em> the ABC dating reality show that ends its 20th season Monday night, contestant Caila Quinn brings Ben Higgins home to meet her interracial family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Have you ever met Filipinos before?\" Quinn's mother asks, leading Higgins into a dining room where the table is filled with traditional Filipino food.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I don't know,\" he replies. \"No. I don't think so.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As they sit around the adobo and pancit, Quinn's father talks to Higgins, white man to white man. What comes with dating Quinn, the father says, \"is a very special Philippine community.\" Quinn grimaces.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I had no idea what I was getting into when I married Caila's mother,\" the father says. But being married to a Filipina, he assures Higgins, has been \"the most fun\" and \"magical.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This scene can be read as an attempt by \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> franchise to dispel criticisms \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/monkeysee/2012/10/16/162992776/a-judge-dismisses-the-bachelor-discrimination-lawsuit-but-not-its-concerns\" target=\"_blank\">(and the memory of a 2012 lawsuit)\u003c/a> concerning its whitewashed casts. It shows how these attempts can be clunky at best, offensive and creepy at worst.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Quinn's run also demonstrates how, as this rose-strewn, fantasy-fueled romance machine tries to include more people of color, diversification looks like biracial Asian-American — often known as \"\u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/12/15/370416571/half-asian-half-white-no-hapa\" target=\"_blank\">hapa\u003c/a>\" — women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Among the 19 women who have won the \"final rose\" since \u003cem>The Bachelor \u003c/em>premiered in 2002, two — Tessa Horst and Catherine Giudici — have been biracial Asian-white. All other winners, aside from Mary Delgado in 2004 who was Cuban-American, appear to have been white. As these \u003ca href=\"http://www.karenx.com/blog/minorities-on-the-bachelor-when-do-they-get-eliminated/\" target=\"_blank\">handy graphics\u003c/a> by writer and video artist Karen X. Cheng show, in the previous seven years, the only women of color who lasted into the final few weeks were of mixed-race Asian-white background.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_21203\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 800px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-medium wp-image-21203\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-800x449.jpg\" alt=\"Christopher Johnson (left) and Nathaniel Claybrooks unsuccessfully sued 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette' in 2012, claiming the shows kept contestants of color out of starring roles\" width=\"800\" height=\"449\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-400x225.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-768x431.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1440x809.jpg 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1920x1078.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-1180x663.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ap_120418112369_wide-ad117d6faa790b2aa905fe8fe7579b4e05543f7d-960x539.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Christopher Johnson (left) and Nathaniel Claybrooks unsuccessfully sued 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette' in 2012, claiming the shows kept contestants of color out of starring roles \u003ccite>(Photo: Mark Humphrey)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Other women of color on \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> tend to follow a familiar pattern: They may face hostility and racial anxieties from other contestants, then disappear from the screen early in the season. The latest example is Jubilee Sharpe, this season's black military veteran who fielded \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/2014/04/03/298736678/microaggressions-be-careful-what-you-say\" target=\"_blank\">microaggressions\u003c/a> from other contestants and suffered tension with the two biracial African-American and white women. On the show, these conflicts were coded with euphemisms: Sharpe was \"layered\" and \"complicated\" and \"different.\" Sharpe stuck around longer than most black women, but was still eliminated within the first half of the season.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now, ABC executives \u003ca href=\"http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/the-bachelor-bachelorette-black-diverse-contestant-abc-1201676020/\" target=\"_blank\">have hinted\u003c/a> that the next woman to lead the spinoff show \u003cem>The Bachelorette\u003c/em> will be — for the first time — a woman of color. Who is the rumored lucky lady? Caila Quinn, whose father tried and failed to sell Higgins on the advantages of Filipina wives this season. Anointing her as the first bachelorette of color would be a safe, predictable choice for the franchise. Producers could hold Quinn up as proof the shows are changing, while continuing to reflect and reinforce racial stereotypes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To understand why only a narrow group of women of color — biracial Asian-white women — survive in this world is to delve into romantic tropes, the stuff \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> is made of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"As objects of beauty, these women are benefiting from two helpful stereotypes about female desirability,\" said Ann Morning, associate professor of sociology at New York University. One is whiteness as the persisting standard of beauty. The other is Asian women as sexualized, exotic and submissive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Taken alone, the first stereotype can be detrimental. \"Today, being white is often perceived as a kind of boring, colorless identity,\" Morning said. But that stereotype about whiteness can work to balance negative stereotypes about Asian women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lily Anne Welty Tamai, curator of history at the Japanese American National Museum (and a friend of mine), explained where these stereotypes about Asian women come from. The trope of Puccini's 1904 \u003cem>Madama Butterfly\u003c/em> paved the way for American incarnations of a tragic love story between an American soldier and Asian woman in the mid-20th century, when American soldiers brought home war stories — and sometimes brides — from Asia, where women were often part of the conquest. Popular narratives included the 1957 film \u003cem>Sayonara\u003c/em> and the 1989 musical \u003cem>Miss Saigon.\u003c/em> (\"I guess they just never got around to making the Korea version,\" Tamai said.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>These stories cemented in the American consciousness the idea of the Asian woman as the foreign sex toy: the geisha, the china doll, the \"me love you long time\" sex worker.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Asian-American women today still experience the wrath of those legacies every day,\" said Joanne Rondilla, a lecturer of Asian Pacific American Studies at Arizona State University. Rondilla pointed to the \"Creepy White Guys\" Tumblr that collected offensive messages sent to Asian-American women via online dating platforms. In a similar vein, last year Mia Matsumiya created an \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/perv_magnet/\" target=\"_blank\">Instagram account\u003c/a> to post the thousand-plus \"messages from creeps, weirdos & fetishists\" she's received over the past decade. My personal favorite calling out of these dating dynamics is comedian Kristina Wong's incredible \u003ca href=\"http://myx.tv/show/video/latest/episode1-i-m-asian-american-and-i-want-reparations-for-yellow-fever\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>I'm Asian American and...\u003c/em> episode\u003c/a> in which she collects \"reparations for yellow fever\" on dates with white men.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>, producers exercised these stereotypes about Asian-American women the last time they cast a single-race Asian-American woman. In 2010, contestant Channy Choch was introduced to viewers and bachelor Jake Pavelka with her inviting him in Cambodian to have sex with her. Later, she laughingly spoke to the camera about how Pavelka \"needs a little bit of Cambodian fever.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"All her moments on screen highlight her Cambodian heritage and her sexual desires — usually both at once, drawing a link between these,\" Rachel Dubrofsky told me by email. Dubrofsky, associate professor of communication at the University of South Florida, wrote \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/The-Surveillance-Women-Reality-Television/dp/0739164988\" target=\"_blank\">a book\u003c/a> analyzing \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em> franchise, and found that women of color win the prize of a proposal only when their \"racial difference is treated as not only unimportant, but as nonexistent.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What's exciting on Tinder, the show communicates, becomes unacceptable when matrimony is involved. \"If this show was called \u003cem>The Hookup\u003c/em>, and contestants were having one-night stands, we'd see more racially diverse pools of people,\" Morning said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mixed-race Asian-white women become the perfect vehicles for diversity on this show because they are \"white enough to present to the family,\" as Morning said, while still being exotic enough to fill a quota. Morning suggested they also get a boost from the model minority myth and the recent idea that being multiracial is \"cool.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until this season's Quinn family dinner scene, the ethnic identities of \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/12/15/370416571/half-asian-half-white-no-hapa\" target=\"_blank\">hapa women\u003c/a> have been largely unremarked upon onscreen. Instead, only a vague, alluring, comfortable kind of distinction might be mentioned. \"She was different,\" \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/01/06/260119028/the-first-latino-bachelor-makes-his-debut\" target=\"_blank\">bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis\u003c/a> said of contestant Sharleen Joynt, a Chinese-Canadian opera singer from season 18. \"She was elegant, and I was, like, surprised. She was so classy. And she's sexy.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside the final media product presented by makers of the show, more explicit exotification can happen. In 2007, bachelor Andy Baldwin chose Tessa Horst as his final pick. Throughout the season, Horst's Chinese-white background is never mentioned and, as Dubrofsky noted, \"is only briefly apparent during the hometown date where her [Asian] mom appears. ... Her mom, however, barely speaks, and is mostly seen in the background.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only after the season had ended did we glimpse how Horst's race might have played into her relationship with Baldwin. At a press conference in Waikiki, \u003ca href=\"http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/26/AR2007052600267.html\" target=\"_blank\"> Baldwin said of his choice\u003c/a>, \"I always say the mutts are the most exotic and beautiful.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This is the kind of comment mixed-race Asian-American women contend with outside the sanitized space of \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>. \"We're exotified for being mixed,\" said Athena Mari Asklipiadis, a board member at Multiracial Americans of Southern California. \"If a man has an Asian fetish, he'll play that up in what he sees in me.\" She said fetishization also can come from Asian-American men who see her whiteness as exotic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Caila Quinn is cast as the first bachelorette of color, producers will probably continue to omit thornier realities. Her casting could represent some form of progress, though, if producers continue to highlight her Filipina heritage, however awkwardly. Portraying an Asian-American woman as the ultimate marriage material — and not as a sexualized joke — could signal a step toward better humanizing people of color in this space. But it also could be just another spin on the \"model minority\" myth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And there's the question of how diverse her suitors would be. A bachelorette of color presents a dilemma for producers: either an interracial romance — still controversial to some viewers — or a relationship in which neither person is white (who will the white audience relate to?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Myra Washington, assistant professor of communication at the University of New Mexico, predicted an increase in black contestants if Quinn becomes the bachelorette. \"Not Wesley Snipes black, because this is still TV,\" she said. She guessed there would be more mixed-race African-Americans, brown-skinned men, Latinos. But colonial legacies and systems of power die hard. \"I think she'll ultimately end up with a white dude,\" she said.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://akemijohnson.com/\" target=\"_blank\">Akemi Johnson\u003c/a> is a writer whose work has appeared in \u003c/em>The Nation\u003cem>, \u003c/em>The Journal\u003cem> and \u003c/em>The Asian American Literary Review\u003cem>. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"http://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=What+Would+It+Mean+To+Have+A+%27Hapa%27+Bachelorette%3F&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\" alt=\"\">\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">For more deep analysis of \u003cem>The Bachelor\u003c/em>, listen to this episode of \u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>:\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">\n\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/246677395&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\n\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "‘Downton Abbey’ Series Finale Recap: Shake It Off",
"title": "‘Downton Abbey’ Series Finale Recap: Shake It Off",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"D8UkkxNwcg9dz0zu8kyaK1Dz6KrTrlYH\"]It’s been two long weeks since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\" target=\"_blank\">Edith finally snapped\u003c/a> and gloriously cussed Mary out! Will the series culminate in a bloody sisterly duel? Will Thomas avoid the sad, miserably alone gay trope and shack up with a hot dude? Will a sinkhole open up right underneath Carson and deliver him to H-E-double hockey sticks? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The last \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> episode we will ever watch begins the only way it can: by getting our tear ducts warmed up with shots of babies Sybbie, George and Marigold frolicking alongside brand new adorable puppy, Tia'a. This is going to be a long, emotional 93 minutes! I'm guessing you and I will both ugly cry at least once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The whole family is on a stroll. Lady Mary obviously doesn't read my recaps because, despite my strong opinions on the matter, she insists on using a parasol, even though there is no sun anywhere in England.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith has decided to move to London and enlist Marigold in a school (*pearl clutch*). Robert, whose only function is to represent dusty, out-dated points of view, is like \u003cem>But no!\u003c/em> Everyone ignores him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel, ever the you-know-what-stirrer, asks, \"Does [Marigold] have any relations who ought to be kept informed?\" The Crawleys, who have won worst-secret-keepers-in-all-the-land six years running, all look at each other with expressions reserved for people who've just farted, but poorly pretend they didn't. Isobel doesn't catch on cause she's too busy gloating to herself over being right about that boring hospital merger thing that we spent SEVEN ENTIRE EPISODES on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith ends the scene by accepting her fate, which has seemed inevitable since episode one: \"Anyway, I'm a spinster, aren't I? And spinsters live alone.\" Poor Jan. And poor Marigold, really, who's in store for a life that resembles \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em>. (OMG, it just clicked that Big and Little Edie's real names were...Edith!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-10.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21082\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21082\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-10.gif\" alt=\"giphy (10)\" width=\"435\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert alludes to the Dowager being ill. So help me, goddess, if Julian Fellowes kills her off in this episode, I will buy a bunch of Tae Bo tapes, train for many weeks as a champion fighter, travel to England and kick his ass.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Henry smokes a cigarette as despairingly as possible to get Mary's attention. It works. Mary is like, \u003cem>Hey, sorry about your dead friend.\u003c/em> Henry then reveals he's not so into cars and racing anymore. Mary thinks to herself that the money she paid that auto-mechanic to mess with Henry's friend's car was well worth it. Oh, come on, would you put it past her?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe polish room, where everything happens, Thomas approaches Baxter, Andy and Anna to thank them for saving his life post-suicide attempt. Baxter and Andy react like normal, empathetic human beings, by saying they were glad to do it and are glad he gets to stay a bit longer. Anna takes a different approach: \"Why not use the time [you have left here] to try and understand what brought you so low?\" Ex-squeeze me? Victim blaming? Really? Also, it won't take too much time to understand what brought him to slit his wrists: homophobic bullies like Carson, Robert, Andy and your very own husband. Get out of here, Anna.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's bachelorette pad, she is very much alive (*cancels Tae Bo order*) and gossiping with cousin Isobel. Apparently, Isobel's ex's rude son invited her to tea, but then flaked. Oh, who cares, we all know this is heading to Isobel getting back with Lord Merton, let's just fast forward to the wedding and spend this precious time watching the Dowager judge all the attendees mercilessly, give a boozy, barbed speech, and dance on a table to the beat of a rowdy quintet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mrs. Hughes office, she and Anna discuss maternity leave. Carson comes in and, you guessed it, announces his disapproval of lady's maids being pregnant and/or married. He makes me so angry that I wish I had a prosthetic leg just so I could throw it at him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21072\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21072\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Edith hears a cocktail shaker and says, \"What a cheering sound!\" Do you blame her? Before therapy stopped being taboo, drinking a sh*t ton was the only way to deal. And, boy, does she have a lot to deal with. Edith and all the other rich people enjoy their cocktails because all the dead relatives, burst ulcers and aborted engagements are behind them now. Or are they???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Andy is bragging about how he can read and stuff now. Cool. Thomas comes by and jokingly tells him to stop the \"love talk\" with Daisy. Aw, I'm glad he's accepted Andy's non-gayness. Can't say the same for myself, though. #LetThomasMakeOut! Daisy is offended by the prospect of Andy as a lover because everything she does in this season has to make zero sense. Mrs. Patmore is like, \u003cem>Girl, please.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk are talking about visiting the under-the-weather Dowager (*reorders Tae Bo tapes*), when Carson's body goes berserk for a second, causing him to spill a bunch of wine. OMG, did someone request another exploding, potentially fatal ulcer? Yep! That was me!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/1389789068610490524.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21074\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21074\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/1389789068610490524.gif\" alt=\"1389789068610490524\" width=\"337\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Andy approaches Mrs. Patmore and asks, \"Is Daisy interested in men?\" BA HA HA.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21075\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21075\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-9.gif\" alt=\"lesbian bridesmaids gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore assures him that Daisy isn't a lesbian and Andy vows to date her. Series finales are always like this: throwing different characters together like spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Thomas gets some good news for a change. He got a job! Carson gloats, but I'm not even mad about it cause his days are numbered, muahaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Denker paints her nails a scandalous nude color! Good for her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith drops in to talk to Spratt a.k.a. Cassandra Jones about how awesome he is at writing about lady things. So awesome that he's getting a full page spread in every issue from now on! This storyline is amazing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Molesley tells Baxter he doesn't really get the point of shampoo (he probably doesn't like it cause it makes his shoe polish hair dye run). They bump into the schoolmaster, who offers Molesley a full-time position and an apartment. Another storyline, quickly wrapped lickety-split.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a drive to London, Edith makes Henry promise not to tell Mary about Spratt's secret identity. He asks why not and Edith gives a loaded look like \u003cem>Uhhhh, remember the last time she found out a secret and got me de-titled and mercilessly dumped?! Yeah, so zip the lip, pretty boy.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker doesn't waste any time threatening Spratt in order to find out what he's hiding. Her wig really does deserve an acting award, or at least a prize for most attention-grabbing accessory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Andy asks Daisy to go on a walk and she's like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/no-toddlers-tiaras-diva.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21076\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21076\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/no-toddlers-tiaras-diva.gif\" alt=\"no-toddlers-tiaras-diva\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tells her to chill out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few minutes later, Carson interrupts a convo between Mrs. Patmore and Hughes. He takes a cup of tea and his hand shakes a bunch.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21077\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21077\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif\" alt=\"kim-kardashian-smiling\" width=\"245\" height=\"237\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling-32x32.gif 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes follows him into his office to confront him about whatever is going on with his health, but he denies anything is going on until Molesley comes in to share his good news (bad idea). Carson obviously makes Molesley feel like crap about his new teaching opportunity because, even on his way to his death bed, it's important that he stay consistent in being the most miserable person to ever grace the moors of Yorkshire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's, she still alive and hanging out with Mary and Robert. Edith's breakup comes up and Mary has a cat-ate-the-canary look about her; she either has a plan to get them back together or is just very pleased with how she broke them up in 30 seconds or less, a new record for her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The topic switches to Cora taking over the Dowager's hospital gig because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers think we're heavily invested in that dead horse of a storyline (we're not). Then this exchange happens:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> \"Swallow it, Granny. It's stuck in your craw long enough.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Dowager:\u003c/strong> \"Oh, don't worry about me. I gobbled it up long ago. It's your father who seems to have difficulty swallowing these days.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/550.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21078\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21078\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/550.gif\" alt=\"pee wee oh snap gif\" width=\"250\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Isobel drops in on her ex. Despite humming Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together\" to herself for weeks, she feels like \u003cem>Hmm, maybe we will?\u003c/em> Well, it's too little too late because Lord Merton is suffering from pernicious anemia and is going to die pretty soon. Exes: use 'em or lose 'em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Edith shows Henry her London digs and HE CALLS HER EDIE, further solidifying my \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> theory! He confesses that he's giving up driving, but has some concerns about how Mary will take it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> \"She certainly won't enjoy the transformation of her glamorous ace of a husband into a man who sits about the house with nothing to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> \"Well, then, you must find something to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another women's advice column, coming right up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, a huge, scary hairdryer comes in the mail. If Chekhov's principle holds (\"If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off\"), then someone is getting a rad blowout by the end of this episode. Let it be Mrs. Patmore!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It probably won't be though because Daisy is complaining about how she's never changed her hairstyle (her age also hasn't changed over the 13 years we've known these people, but who's counting). Andy tries to flirt some more by telling her she doesn't need to change her hair. Daisy responds the only way she knows how:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21083\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21083\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"clueless ew get off me gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Aunt Rosamund is taking Edith to the Ritz for dinner. They are talking smack about Mary cause what else is there to talk about really? They roll up to the table and - boom! - Bertie is standing there. Aunt Rosamund is like \u003cem>K byeee! \u003c/em>Miles away, canary-in-the-mouth Mary smiles to herself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith and Bertie have a dramatic post-breakup convo in front of their waiter, who is internally eating popcorn and going Ooooo. Edith is being pretty harsh with Bertie. Memo to Edith: \u003cem>Hey, girl. It's me. Um, remember that whole thing where you lied to him about having a daughter and irrevocably damaged the trust between you? Yeah. Be nicer.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My memo must have been lost because she makes Bertie cry, while the waiter who's pretending not to be eating all this up, pours champagne. But all's well that ends well: they get back together! And no one has pernicious anemia! Yay!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, in the shoe polish room (where else?), Thomas tells Baxter he's going to try and be someone else at his new job. No, Tommy, it's not you, it's them!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert bursts into the bedroom with breaking news about Edith:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"You're not going to believe it!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> \"She's pregnant again?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"No!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> \"She's been arrested for treason?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-12.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21084\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21084\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-12.gif\" alt=\"laughing gif\" width=\"650\" height=\"276\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Best use of Cora in six whole seasons!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's, she and Isobel talk about how pernicious pernicious anemia is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the fam is taking off to meet Edith's mother-in-law. Thomas says his goodbyes and thanks Robert for his homophobia over the years. WTF. Then, Cora reminds me that Thomas saved Edith from dying in a fire! That makes the way people have treated Thomas all season even worse! I'm glad he's ditching these jerks once and for all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy plays around with Snapchat filters:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21110\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21110\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg\" alt=\"snapchat\" width=\"1136\" height=\"599\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg 1136w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-400x211.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-800x422.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-768x405.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-960x506.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1136px) 100vw, 1136px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21109\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2.jpg\" alt=\"snapchat-2\" width=\"1134\" height=\"601\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2.jpg 1134w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-400x212.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-800x424.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-768x407.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-960x509.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1134px) 100vw, 1134px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy thinks she looks frumpy and unemployable. Andy says he would hire her. Daisy, once again, is not having any of it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/14-02-Clueless-quotes.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21087\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21087\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/14-02-Clueless-quotes.gif\" alt=\"clueless ugh as if gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some other part of England, Cora and Robert drive up to the gargantuan castle that is set to be Edith's future home. Mary can have Downton. Inside, they walk through room after room after room to get to the one that holds Bertie and his mom. Then, Edith makes her entrance and Bertie's mom is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n61pvrcKmx1rvnnvyo2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21088\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21088\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n61pvrcKmx1rvnnvyo2_250.gif\" alt=\"arrested development her gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"106\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Henry is STILL talking about how he's decided to give up racing. Yes, we know! I gave up yoga and trying to learn French and drinking Long Island Iced Teas, but you don't hear me carrying on about it, do you? Get on with your life!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson goes to pour something again and shakes it all over the table.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21089\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21089\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43.gif\" alt=\"81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43\" width=\"500\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Edith's palace, Bertie's mom makes it clear that she is not moving out EVER! Everyone is like, \u003cem>Um, we didn't say anything. \u003c/em>She goes on to ramble about how Bertie must bring morality and family values back to the title because his dead cousin was super gay and loved painting Moroccan boys. So now they have to tell her about Marigold \u003cem>and\u003c/em> Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Isobel and her dying ex visit Dr. Clarkson who says \u003cem>Yeah, you're going to be dead soon. Sorry not sorry.\u003c/em> (Remember their love triangle B-plot?) Then, Dr. Clarkson has to watch them make goo-goo eyes at each other, while he internally screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside of the doctor's office, Lord Merton's evil daughter-in-law is waiting to snatch him away. Isobel tries to have a \u003cem>Real Housewives\u003c/em> moment with her, but she's bad at being taken seriously and is cut off mid-sentence by evil daughter-in-law: \"Heavens, is that the time? Good day, Mrs Crawley!\" Okay, time to call in reinforcements a.k.a. the Dowager.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Henry is STILL moaning about not having a hobby. He sure is lucky he has a nice face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas says his final goodbyes and forgives everyone for making him so miserable he wanted to die in a bathtub. He even thanks Carson. Since we haven't ugly cried yet, the kids are brought in to say goodbye:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Baby George:\u003c/strong> \"Please don't go.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> \"Oh, I must go, Master George, but remember I will always be your friend wherever I am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/2breakup.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21090\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21090\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/2breakup.gif\" alt=\"little boy cry gif\" width=\"370\" height=\"204\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Fortress Edith, Edith decides to tell Bertie's mom everything. Eeeek!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Thomas' new workplace, his super old employer confirms that there are only two other servants in the whole place. Thomas looks out a window and despairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/h9lBkag.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21092\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21092\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/h9lBkag.gif\" alt=\"friends look out window gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Daisy's father-in-law's farm, Daisy watches Andy seductively hammer nails, while wearing a thin, sweaty laborer's shirt. Her father-in-law mentions Andy's \"young man's muscles\" and how he is a \"crackin' lad,\" leading Daisy to have an epiphany:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lasu2ikxkq1qeolcio1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21091\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21091\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lasu2ikxkq1qeolcio1_500.gif\" alt=\"clueless i love josh gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Edith's British Versailles, Bertie has it out with his mother over Edith's secret illegitimate child. His mom calls Edith \"damaged goods.\" *cue the Jerry Springer audience ooooo's*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Lord Merton's, evil daughter-in-law slams the door in Isobel's face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n08a4e5HPE1tq03tdo1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21093\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21093\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n08a4e5HPE1tq03tdo1_400.gif\" alt=\"door slam gif\" width=\"360\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson and Henry plot something that probably has to do with cars. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Molesley arrives to give in his notice, but says he hopes to pitch in on special occasions since he'll still have his livery. Carson is unsurprisingly terrible: \"Your livery stays here!\" Even Mrs. Hughes is like \u003cem>Dude, give the evil thing a rest! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Thomas' new spot, he snuffs out dinner candles, just like his desire to live has been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Petite Trianon, the banquet where Bertie wants to announce his engagement is underway. They are serving things out of carved pineapples! Every time Bertie attempts to tell everyone about marrying Edith, his mom toast-blocks him. She eventually relents and everyone celebrates by getting wasted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Lord Merton's, the Dowager teaches evil daughter-in-law who runs sh*t around here by bursting in and creating a scene, which leads to Lord Merton finding out her nefarious plan, getting engaged to Isobel, and telling his son: \"Larry, as my son, I love you, but I've tried and failed to like you.\" Check mate!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-13.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21094\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21094\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-13.gif\" alt=\"downton dowager gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Edith is back from her castle and takes Mary aside to thank her for arranging the Ritz summit. Mary explains why she's being nice to Edith for the first time ever: \"Look, we're blood and we're stuck with it. So, let's try and do a little better in future.\" Peace in the Middle East\u003cem> is\u003c/em> possible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy is finally ready to make out with Andy, but he's over it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/diss.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21095\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21095\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/diss.gif\" alt=\"diss\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Time leap to December 29, 1925, the week of Edith's wedding! Cousin Rose shows up from America without her three-month-old because what a bother that would be. She runs around, hyper as ever, greeting everyone and not being Sybil (nice try, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's, Denker threatens to reveal Spratt's secret identity. We're seriously wasting time on another Denker-blackmails-someone storyline?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Downton, Cora tells everyone about her cool new job over dinner. Robert gets mad that she's a woman with something to do, other than doting on a man. He grumpily asks Carson for more wine, but Carson can't pour it. Later, he tells Robert that he must resign because he can no longer perform his duties.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n01qr7iwJj1qhg1oco1_500-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21096\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21096\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n01qr7iwJj1qhg1oco1_500-1.gif\" alt=\"maleficent gif evil smile\" width=\"500\" height=\"415\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Henry and Branson finally let Mary in on their secret: they opened a used car dealership! She pretends to be excited and not at all bothered to her innermost core over Edith getting the castle and fancy title. Oh, and because it's the last episode and everything possible must take place, Mary's pregnant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Rose forces Robert to visit the hospital so he can see Cora at work and realize that it's okay for women to do things. He blossoms into a feminist in 2.3 seconds. It's about time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy is on a mission to upgrade her look. She sneaks into Mary's room and snags the hairdryer. This will not end well. Please don't get bangs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's, Denker is still working on getting Spratt in trouble. The Dowager is not biting at all the hints she's dropping so Denker must resort to Plan B: just giving her a copy of the column and pointing at it furiously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Daisy is wearing her bonnet all weird. Mrs. Patmore and Anna pressure her to take it off. Bates silently stands by, per usual (the lines they've given this character over six years could fit on a single double-spaced sheet of paper). Daisy reveals her crazy new hairdo just in time for Andy to walk by and point and laugh. Love (and hair care) is a battlefield.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna helps Daisy fix the damage and unfortunately gives her bangs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21099\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21099\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif\" alt=\"giphy-102\" width=\"362\" height=\"362\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif 362w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 362px) 100vw, 362px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21098\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21098\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" alt=\"why-the-notebook-gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy comes in and helps her clean up the hair. He then takes some of it to keep. Y'all haven't been on a single date yet so maybe cool it on the hair keepsakes for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the church, it's time to get this wedding popping! Henry annoyingly talks about his unborn baby in a loud voice. Meanwhile, Branson flirts up a storm with Edith's editor because no straight character must be left uncoupled by the end of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dr. Clarkson sneaks up on Isobel and Lord Merton to say that the anemia isn't pernicious after all! Lord Merton will die of old age in, like, five years instead of right away! Woo hoo!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the grand staircase at Downton, Edith descends in a gorgeous wedding dress with a veil for days. Robert is there to receive her and reiterate what everyone has said all episode: \u003cem>OMG, I can't believe things worked out for you!\u003c/em> Edith is like, \u003cem>Me neither! I was all set to live with Marigold, non-house-trained stray cats and grabby raccoons!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During the ceremony, everyone is paying attention, except for Henry, who insists on talking throughout about his unborn baby in a creepy whisper. Edith withstood being left at the altar by an old dude, being spurned by her burn-victim cousin, having her fiance killed by Nazis, almost dying in a fire, having to give birth in secret, having her daughter kidnapped, etc. etc. etc. so do shut up, Henry, and let her have her moment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest asks for anyone who has a problem with Edith's happy ending to speak now or forever hold their peace. Stay seated and quiet, Mary! You too, Bertie's mom! An interminable silence passes. And, phew, we made it! Go on and celebrate, beleaguered Team Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Robert comes out to Cora as a feminist and tells her he's proud of her for being good at her job. Cora makes a mental note to cancel her next rendezvous with her London art dude side-piece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's ugly bangs tell Andy she's moving in with her father-in-law and that's she's down to go on a date at some point. If the rest of \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>'s relationships are anything to go by, they'll be married and pregnant with twins in two weeks, three tops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. So consider Carson really freaking insane because he tries to pour something AGAIN and it, of course, goes all over the place. He turns into Gollum and spits out, \"I CANNOT POUR THE BLOODY STUFF!!!\" Robert rushes up and is like, \u003cem>Okay, that's it. Someone keep Carson away from bottles from now on please! Oh, and Thomas, you're butler now. \u003c/em>A victory for gay rights...kinda.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna is returning the hairdryer when her water breaks on the floor. Mary doesn't smack her with a hairbrush like she probably would have six years ago. Character development!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the house, the Dowager commends Spratt on his awesome fashion and entertaining advice in front of Denker. Why keep employing such a troublemaking drunk? Eh, not enough time to care about this anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law comes onto Mrs. Patmore because, like I said, no straight person shall go uncoupled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith throws the bouquet before going on her honeymoon. No surprise here: her lady editor friend a.k.a. Branson's future wife catches it. Sybil's ghost will hopefully take over this woman's body as a vessel and Branson and Sybil can be together again! Hey, if Edith can have a happy ending, anything is possible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna has a healthy baby, zero preeclampsia. Everyone pretends to not be grossed out by a servant having had a baby in an upstairs bedroom. Mary will have the soiled bed put into Edith's room in the morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The clock strikes midnight and a new year begins. Everyone kisses and drinks and sings \"Auld Lang Syne.\" The Dowager has the last word, as she should, and is still kicking as the camera pans away from the Abbey, blanketed in snow. And I can rest easy knowing that I don't have to travel halfway across the world to Tae Bo Julian Fellowes into the next dimension.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Lord Merton's evil daughter-in-law:\u003c/strong> Seeing as it's the last episode, I was going to pardon everyone, but then I remembered this piece of work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Still laughing at her \"Is she pregnant or arrested for treason\" joke. And props for rocking it at her first job ever. Way to surpass my very low expectations of you, sister!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>He didn't get a make out buddy and will probably die alone, but he got his coveted butler position so that's something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>The Dowager: \u003c/strong>Mathematically speaking, she should be dead by now. But she's not. Because she's perfect and immortal. May she continue living until the planet is snuffed out by global warming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Edith\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>After six years of Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, for once, the people sang Jan, Jan, Jan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21100\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21100\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"227\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's all, folks! It's been a pleasure watching along with you this season. If you want to keep up with my work, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\" target=\"_blank\">I write daily for KQED Pop\u003c/a>. You can also hear my opinions on all things pop culture on \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em> podcast\u003c/a>. And if Twitter is your thing, \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\" target=\"_blank\">follow me\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Six years of weddings, funerals, and polite British smackdowns lead to this -- the final episode!",
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"title": "‘Downton Abbey’ Series Finale Recap: Shake It Off | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>It’s been two long weeks since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\" target=\"_blank\">Edith finally snapped\u003c/a> and gloriously cussed Mary out! Will the series culminate in a bloody sisterly duel? Will Thomas avoid the sad, miserably alone gay trope and shack up with a hot dude? Will a sinkhole open up right underneath Carson and deliver him to H-E-double hockey sticks? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The last \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> episode we will ever watch begins the only way it can: by getting our tear ducts warmed up with shots of babies Sybbie, George and Marigold frolicking alongside brand new adorable puppy, Tia'a. This is going to be a long, emotional 93 minutes! I'm guessing you and I will both ugly cry at least once.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The whole family is on a stroll. Lady Mary obviously doesn't read my recaps because, despite my strong opinions on the matter, she insists on using a parasol, even though there is no sun anywhere in England.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith has decided to move to London and enlist Marigold in a school (*pearl clutch*). Robert, whose only function is to represent dusty, out-dated points of view, is like \u003cem>But no!\u003c/em> Everyone ignores him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cousin Isobel, ever the you-know-what-stirrer, asks, \"Does [Marigold] have any relations who ought to be kept informed?\" The Crawleys, who have won worst-secret-keepers-in-all-the-land six years running, all look at each other with expressions reserved for people who've just farted, but poorly pretend they didn't. Isobel doesn't catch on cause she's too busy gloating to herself over being right about that boring hospital merger thing that we spent SEVEN ENTIRE EPISODES on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith ends the scene by accepting her fate, which has seemed inevitable since episode one: \"Anyway, I'm a spinster, aren't I? And spinsters live alone.\" Poor Jan. And poor Marigold, really, who's in store for a life that resembles \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em>. (OMG, it just clicked that Big and Little Edie's real names were...Edith!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-10.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21082\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21082\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-10.gif\" alt=\"giphy (10)\" width=\"435\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert alludes to the Dowager being ill. So help me, goddess, if Julian Fellowes kills her off in this episode, I will buy a bunch of Tae Bo tapes, train for many weeks as a champion fighter, travel to England and kick his ass.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Henry smokes a cigarette as despairingly as possible to get Mary's attention. It works. Mary is like, \u003cem>Hey, sorry about your dead friend.\u003c/em> Henry then reveals he's not so into cars and racing anymore. Mary thinks to herself that the money she paid that auto-mechanic to mess with Henry's friend's car was well worth it. Oh, come on, would you put it past her?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the shoe polish room, where everything happens, Thomas approaches Baxter, Andy and Anna to thank them for saving his life post-suicide attempt. Baxter and Andy react like normal, empathetic human beings, by saying they were glad to do it and are glad he gets to stay a bit longer. Anna takes a different approach: \"Why not use the time [you have left here] to try and understand what brought you so low?\" Ex-squeeze me? Victim blaming? Really? Also, it won't take too much time to understand what brought him to slit his wrists: homophobic bullies like Carson, Robert, Andy and your very own husband. Get out of here, Anna.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's bachelorette pad, she is very much alive (*cancels Tae Bo order*) and gossiping with cousin Isobel. Apparently, Isobel's ex's rude son invited her to tea, but then flaked. Oh, who cares, we all know this is heading to Isobel getting back with Lord Merton, let's just fast forward to the wedding and spend this precious time watching the Dowager judge all the attendees mercilessly, give a boozy, barbed speech, and dance on a table to the beat of a rowdy quintet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mrs. Hughes office, she and Anna discuss maternity leave. Carson comes in and, you guessed it, announces his disapproval of lady's maids being pregnant and/or married. He makes me so angry that I wish I had a prosthetic leg just so I could throw it at him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21072\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21072\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n8u4rtph7s1ql5yr7o1_500-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Edith hears a cocktail shaker and says, \"What a cheering sound!\" Do you blame her? Before therapy stopped being taboo, drinking a sh*t ton was the only way to deal. And, boy, does she have a lot to deal with. Edith and all the other rich people enjoy their cocktails because all the dead relatives, burst ulcers and aborted engagements are behind them now. Or are they???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the downstairs kitchen, Andy is bragging about how he can read and stuff now. Cool. Thomas comes by and jokingly tells him to stop the \"love talk\" with Daisy. Aw, I'm glad he's accepted Andy's non-gayness. Can't say the same for myself, though. #LetThomasMakeOut! Daisy is offended by the prospect of Andy as a lover because everything she does in this season has to make zero sense. Mrs. Patmore is like, \u003cem>Girl, please.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk are talking about visiting the under-the-weather Dowager (*reorders Tae Bo tapes*), when Carson's body goes berserk for a second, causing him to spill a bunch of wine. OMG, did someone request another exploding, potentially fatal ulcer? Yep! That was me!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/1389789068610490524.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21074\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21074\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/1389789068610490524.gif\" alt=\"1389789068610490524\" width=\"337\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Andy approaches Mrs. Patmore and asks, \"Is Daisy interested in men?\" BA HA HA.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21075\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21075\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-9.gif\" alt=\"lesbian bridesmaids gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore assures him that Daisy isn't a lesbian and Andy vows to date her. Series finales are always like this: throwing different characters together like spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Thomas gets some good news for a change. He got a job! Carson gloats, but I'm not even mad about it cause his days are numbered, muahaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Denker paints her nails a scandalous nude color! Good for her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith drops in to talk to Spratt a.k.a. Cassandra Jones about how awesome he is at writing about lady things. So awesome that he's getting a full page spread in every issue from now on! This storyline is amazing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Molesley tells Baxter he doesn't really get the point of shampoo (he probably doesn't like it cause it makes his shoe polish hair dye run). They bump into the schoolmaster, who offers Molesley a full-time position and an apartment. Another storyline, quickly wrapped lickety-split.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a drive to London, Edith makes Henry promise not to tell Mary about Spratt's secret identity. He asks why not and Edith gives a loaded look like \u003cem>Uhhhh, remember the last time she found out a secret and got me de-titled and mercilessly dumped?! Yeah, so zip the lip, pretty boy.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Dowager's, Denker doesn't waste any time threatening Spratt in order to find out what he's hiding. Her wig really does deserve an acting award, or at least a prize for most attention-grabbing accessory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Andy asks Daisy to go on a walk and she's like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/no-toddlers-tiaras-diva.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21076\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21076\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/no-toddlers-tiaras-diva.gif\" alt=\"no-toddlers-tiaras-diva\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore tells her to chill out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few minutes later, Carson interrupts a convo between Mrs. Patmore and Hughes. He takes a cup of tea and his hand shakes a bunch.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21077\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21077\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif\" alt=\"kim-kardashian-smiling\" width=\"245\" height=\"237\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/kim-kardashian-smiling-32x32.gif 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes follows him into his office to confront him about whatever is going on with his health, but he denies anything is going on until Molesley comes in to share his good news (bad idea). Carson obviously makes Molesley feel like crap about his new teaching opportunity because, even on his way to his death bed, it's important that he stay consistent in being the most miserable person to ever grace the moors of Yorkshire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's, she still alive and hanging out with Mary and Robert. Edith's breakup comes up and Mary has a cat-ate-the-canary look about her; she either has a plan to get them back together or is just very pleased with how she broke them up in 30 seconds or less, a new record for her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The topic switches to Cora taking over the Dowager's hospital gig because the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers think we're heavily invested in that dead horse of a storyline (we're not). Then this exchange happens:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> \"Swallow it, Granny. It's stuck in your craw long enough.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Dowager:\u003c/strong> \"Oh, don't worry about me. I gobbled it up long ago. It's your father who seems to have difficulty swallowing these days.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/550.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21078\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21078\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/550.gif\" alt=\"pee wee oh snap gif\" width=\"250\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Isobel drops in on her ex. Despite humming Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together\" to herself for weeks, she feels like \u003cem>Hmm, maybe we will?\u003c/em> Well, it's too little too late because Lord Merton is suffering from pernicious anemia and is going to die pretty soon. Exes: use 'em or lose 'em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Edith shows Henry her London digs and HE CALLS HER EDIE, further solidifying my \u003cem>Grey Gardens\u003c/em> theory! He confesses that he's giving up driving, but has some concerns about how Mary will take it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> \"She certainly won't enjoy the transformation of her glamorous ace of a husband into a man who sits about the house with nothing to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> \"Well, then, you must find something to do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another women's advice column, coming right up!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, a huge, scary hairdryer comes in the mail. If Chekhov's principle holds (\"If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off\"), then someone is getting a rad blowout by the end of this episode. Let it be Mrs. Patmore!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It probably won't be though because Daisy is complaining about how she's never changed her hairstyle (her age also hasn't changed over the 13 years we've known these people, but who's counting). Andy tries to flirt some more by telling her she doesn't need to change her hair. Daisy responds the only way she knows how:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-11.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21083\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21083\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"clueless ew get off me gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Aunt Rosamund is taking Edith to the Ritz for dinner. They are talking smack about Mary cause what else is there to talk about really? They roll up to the table and - boom! - Bertie is standing there. Aunt Rosamund is like \u003cem>K byeee! \u003c/em>Miles away, canary-in-the-mouth Mary smiles to herself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith and Bertie have a dramatic post-breakup convo in front of their waiter, who is internally eating popcorn and going Ooooo. Edith is being pretty harsh with Bertie. Memo to Edith: \u003cem>Hey, girl. It's me. Um, remember that whole thing where you lied to him about having a daughter and irrevocably damaged the trust between you? Yeah. Be nicer.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My memo must have been lost because she makes Bertie cry, while the waiter who's pretending not to be eating all this up, pours champagne. But all's well that ends well: they get back together! And no one has pernicious anemia! Yay!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, in the shoe polish room (where else?), Thomas tells Baxter he's going to try and be someone else at his new job. No, Tommy, it's not you, it's them!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert bursts into the bedroom with breaking news about Edith:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"You're not going to believe it!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> \"She's pregnant again?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"No!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> \"She's been arrested for treason?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-12.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21084\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21084\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-12.gif\" alt=\"laughing gif\" width=\"650\" height=\"276\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Best use of Cora in six whole seasons!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's, she and Isobel talk about how pernicious pernicious anemia is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the fam is taking off to meet Edith's mother-in-law. Thomas says his goodbyes and thanks Robert for his homophobia over the years. WTF. Then, Cora reminds me that Thomas saved Edith from dying in a fire! That makes the way people have treated Thomas all season even worse! I'm glad he's ditching these jerks once and for all.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy plays around with Snapchat filters:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21110\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21110\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg\" alt=\"snapchat\" width=\"1136\" height=\"599\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat.jpg 1136w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-400x211.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-800x422.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-768x405.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-960x506.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1136px) 100vw, 1136px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21109\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2.jpg\" alt=\"snapchat-2\" width=\"1134\" height=\"601\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2.jpg 1134w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-400x212.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-800x424.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-768x407.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/snapchat-2-960x509.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1134px) 100vw, 1134px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daisy thinks she looks frumpy and unemployable. Andy says he would hire her. Daisy, once again, is not having any of it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/14-02-Clueless-quotes.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21087\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21087\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/14-02-Clueless-quotes.gif\" alt=\"clueless ugh as if gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some other part of England, Cora and Robert drive up to the gargantuan castle that is set to be Edith's future home. Mary can have Downton. Inside, they walk through room after room after room to get to the one that holds Bertie and his mom. Then, Edith makes her entrance and Bertie's mom is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n61pvrcKmx1rvnnvyo2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21088\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21088\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n61pvrcKmx1rvnnvyo2_250.gif\" alt=\"arrested development her gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"106\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Henry is STILL talking about how he's decided to give up racing. Yes, we know! I gave up yoga and trying to learn French and drinking Long Island Iced Teas, but you don't hear me carrying on about it, do you? Get on with your life!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Carson goes to pour something again and shakes it all over the table.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21089\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21089\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43.gif\" alt=\"81392-Lady-Gaga-evil-smile-gif-bj43\" width=\"500\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Edith's palace, Bertie's mom makes it clear that she is not moving out EVER! Everyone is like, \u003cem>Um, we didn't say anything. \u003c/em>She goes on to ramble about how Bertie must bring morality and family values back to the title because his dead cousin was super gay and loved painting Moroccan boys. So now they have to tell her about Marigold \u003cem>and\u003c/em> Thomas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the village, Isobel and her dying ex visit Dr. Clarkson who says \u003cem>Yeah, you're going to be dead soon. Sorry not sorry.\u003c/em> (Remember their love triangle B-plot?) Then, Dr. Clarkson has to watch them make goo-goo eyes at each other, while he internally screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside of the doctor's office, Lord Merton's evil daughter-in-law is waiting to snatch him away. Isobel tries to have a \u003cem>Real Housewives\u003c/em> moment with her, but she's bad at being taken seriously and is cut off mid-sentence by evil daughter-in-law: \"Heavens, is that the time? Good day, Mrs Crawley!\" Okay, time to call in reinforcements a.k.a. the Dowager.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Henry is STILL moaning about not having a hobby. He sure is lucky he has a nice face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas says his final goodbyes and forgives everyone for making him so miserable he wanted to die in a bathtub. He even thanks Carson. Since we haven't ugly cried yet, the kids are brought in to say goodbye:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Baby George:\u003c/strong> \"Please don't go.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> \"Oh, I must go, Master George, but remember I will always be your friend wherever I am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/2breakup.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21090\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21090\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/2breakup.gif\" alt=\"little boy cry gif\" width=\"370\" height=\"204\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Fortress Edith, Edith decides to tell Bertie's mom everything. Eeeek!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Thomas' new workplace, his super old employer confirms that there are only two other servants in the whole place. Thomas looks out a window and despairs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/h9lBkag.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21092\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21092\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/h9lBkag.gif\" alt=\"friends look out window gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Daisy's father-in-law's farm, Daisy watches Andy seductively hammer nails, while wearing a thin, sweaty laborer's shirt. Her father-in-law mentions Andy's \"young man's muscles\" and how he is a \"crackin' lad,\" leading Daisy to have an epiphany:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lasu2ikxkq1qeolcio1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21091\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21091\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lasu2ikxkq1qeolcio1_500.gif\" alt=\"clueless i love josh gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Edith's British Versailles, Bertie has it out with his mother over Edith's secret illegitimate child. His mom calls Edith \"damaged goods.\" *cue the Jerry Springer audience ooooo's*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Lord Merton's, evil daughter-in-law slams the door in Isobel's face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n08a4e5HPE1tq03tdo1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21093\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21093\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n08a4e5HPE1tq03tdo1_400.gif\" alt=\"door slam gif\" width=\"360\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Branson and Henry plot something that probably has to do with cars. Next!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Molesley arrives to give in his notice, but says he hopes to pitch in on special occasions since he'll still have his livery. Carson is unsurprisingly terrible: \"Your livery stays here!\" Even Mrs. Hughes is like \u003cem>Dude, give the evil thing a rest! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Thomas' new spot, he snuffs out dinner candles, just like his desire to live has been.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Petite Trianon, the banquet where Bertie wants to announce his engagement is underway. They are serving things out of carved pineapples! Every time Bertie attempts to tell everyone about marrying Edith, his mom toast-blocks him. She eventually relents and everyone celebrates by getting wasted.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Lord Merton's, the Dowager teaches evil daughter-in-law who runs sh*t around here by bursting in and creating a scene, which leads to Lord Merton finding out her nefarious plan, getting engaged to Isobel, and telling his son: \"Larry, as my son, I love you, but I've tried and failed to like you.\" Check mate!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-13.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21094\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21094\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-13.gif\" alt=\"downton dowager gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Edith is back from her castle and takes Mary aside to thank her for arranging the Ritz summit. Mary explains why she's being nice to Edith for the first time ever: \"Look, we're blood and we're stuck with it. So, let's try and do a little better in future.\" Peace in the Middle East\u003cem> is\u003c/em> possible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy is finally ready to make out with Andy, but he's over it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/diss.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21095\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21095\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/diss.gif\" alt=\"diss\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Time leap to December 29, 1925, the week of Edith's wedding! Cousin Rose shows up from America without her three-month-old because what a bother that would be. She runs around, hyper as ever, greeting everyone and not being Sybil (nice try, \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's, Denker threatens to reveal Spratt's secret identity. We're seriously wasting time on another Denker-blackmails-someone storyline?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Downton, Cora tells everyone about her cool new job over dinner. Robert gets mad that she's a woman with something to do, other than doting on a man. He grumpily asks Carson for more wine, but Carson can't pour it. Later, he tells Robert that he must resign because he can no longer perform his duties.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n01qr7iwJj1qhg1oco1_500-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21096\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21096\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_n01qr7iwJj1qhg1oco1_500-1.gif\" alt=\"maleficent gif evil smile\" width=\"500\" height=\"415\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Henry and Branson finally let Mary in on their secret: they opened a used car dealership! She pretends to be excited and not at all bothered to her innermost core over Edith getting the castle and fancy title. Oh, and because it's the last episode and everything possible must take place, Mary's pregnant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Rose forces Robert to visit the hospital so he can see Cora at work and realize that it's okay for women to do things. He blossoms into a feminist in 2.3 seconds. It's about time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Daisy is on a mission to upgrade her look. She sneaks into Mary's room and snags the hairdryer. This will not end well. Please don't get bangs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's, Denker is still working on getting Spratt in trouble. The Dowager is not biting at all the hints she's dropping so Denker must resort to Plan B: just giving her a copy of the column and pointing at it furiously.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Daisy is wearing her bonnet all weird. Mrs. Patmore and Anna pressure her to take it off. Bates silently stands by, per usual (the lines they've given this character over six years could fit on a single double-spaced sheet of paper). Daisy reveals her crazy new hairdo just in time for Andy to walk by and point and laugh. Love (and hair care) is a battlefield.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anna helps Daisy fix the damage and unfortunately gives her bangs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21099\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21099\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif\" alt=\"giphy-102\" width=\"362\" height=\"362\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102.gif 362w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-102-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 362px) 100vw, 362px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21098\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21098\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" alt=\"why-the-notebook-gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy comes in and helps her clean up the hair. He then takes some of it to keep. Y'all haven't been on a single date yet so maybe cool it on the hair keepsakes for now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the church, it's time to get this wedding popping! Henry annoyingly talks about his unborn baby in a loud voice. Meanwhile, Branson flirts up a storm with Edith's editor because no straight character must be left uncoupled by the end of this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dr. Clarkson sneaks up on Isobel and Lord Merton to say that the anemia isn't pernicious after all! Lord Merton will die of old age in, like, five years instead of right away! Woo hoo!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the grand staircase at Downton, Edith descends in a gorgeous wedding dress with a veil for days. Robert is there to receive her and reiterate what everyone has said all episode: \u003cem>OMG, I can't believe things worked out for you!\u003c/em> Edith is like, \u003cem>Me neither! I was all set to live with Marigold, non-house-trained stray cats and grabby raccoons!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During the ceremony, everyone is paying attention, except for Henry, who insists on talking throughout about his unborn baby in a creepy whisper. Edith withstood being left at the altar by an old dude, being spurned by her burn-victim cousin, having her fiance killed by Nazis, almost dying in a fire, having to give birth in secret, having her daughter kidnapped, etc. etc. etc. so do shut up, Henry, and let her have her moment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The priest asks for anyone who has a problem with Edith's happy ending to speak now or forever hold their peace. Stay seated and quiet, Mary! You too, Bertie's mom! An interminable silence passes. And, phew, we made it! Go on and celebrate, beleaguered Team Edith!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the reception, Robert comes out to Cora as a feminist and tells her he's proud of her for being good at her job. Cora makes a mental note to cancel her next rendezvous with her London art dude side-piece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's ugly bangs tell Andy she's moving in with her father-in-law and that's she's down to go on a date at some point. If the rest of \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>'s relationships are anything to go by, they'll be married and pregnant with twins in two weeks, three tops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. So consider Carson really freaking insane because he tries to pour something AGAIN and it, of course, goes all over the place. He turns into Gollum and spits out, \"I CANNOT POUR THE BLOODY STUFF!!!\" Robert rushes up and is like, \u003cem>Okay, that's it. Someone keep Carson away from bottles from now on please! Oh, and Thomas, you're butler now. \u003c/em>A victory for gay rights...kinda.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Anna is returning the hairdryer when her water breaks on the floor. Mary doesn't smack her with a hairbrush like she probably would have six years ago. Character development!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the house, the Dowager commends Spratt on his awesome fashion and entertaining advice in front of Denker. Why keep employing such a troublemaking drunk? Eh, not enough time to care about this anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law comes onto Mrs. Patmore because, like I said, no straight person shall go uncoupled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith throws the bouquet before going on her honeymoon. No surprise here: her lady editor friend a.k.a. Branson's future wife catches it. Sybil's ghost will hopefully take over this woman's body as a vessel and Branson and Sybil can be together again! Hey, if Edith can have a happy ending, anything is possible!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, Anna has a healthy baby, zero preeclampsia. Everyone pretends to not be grossed out by a servant having had a baby in an upstairs bedroom. Mary will have the soiled bed put into Edith's room in the morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The clock strikes midnight and a new year begins. Everyone kisses and drinks and sings \"Auld Lang Syne.\" The Dowager has the last word, as she should, and is still kicking as the camera pans away from the Abbey, blanketed in snow. And I can rest easy knowing that I don't have to travel halfway across the world to Tae Bo Julian Fellowes into the next dimension.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FIN.\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Lord Merton's evil daughter-in-law:\u003c/strong> Seeing as it's the last episode, I was going to pardon everyone, but then I remembered this piece of work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Cora: \u003c/strong>Still laughing at her \"Is she pregnant or arrested for treason\" joke. And props for rocking it at her first job ever. Way to surpass my very low expectations of you, sister!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas: \u003c/strong>He didn't get a make out buddy and will probably die alone, but he got his coveted butler position so that's something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>The Dowager: \u003c/strong>Mathematically speaking, she should be dead by now. But she's not. Because she's perfect and immortal. May she continue living until the planet is snuffed out by global warming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Edith\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>After six years of Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, for once, the people sang Jan, Jan, Jan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21100\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21100\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m6rceyJesA1rpzt3uo1_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"227\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's all, folks! It's been a pleasure watching along with you this season. If you want to keep up with my work, \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\" target=\"_blank\">I write daily for KQED Pop\u003c/a>. You can also hear my opinions on all things pop culture on \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em> podcast\u003c/a>. And if Twitter is your thing, \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\" target=\"_blank\">follow me\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "The Best Quotes from Downton Abbey's Dowager Countess, Queen of Shade",
"title": "The Best Quotes from Downton Abbey's Dowager Countess, Queen of Shade",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>This piece was inspired by an episode of \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">The Cooler.\u003c/a> Give it a listen!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249974933&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past six years, I've had a love-hate relationship with \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>. Like with most romances, things started off hot and heavy, but eventually cooled way down (my turning point: when they killed off Sybil, the woman responsible for making harem-pants and marrying poor, hot dudes fashionable). But, through all the recycled storylines (Bates is in trouble with the law...again! Edith is unlucky in love...again!) and snoozy B-plots (the old people argue over a hospital merger...for 7 whole episodes!), there was one shining light that kept me watching: the Dowager Countess. Before this often great/sometimes terrible show rides off into the sunset, let's take a moment to give credit where credit is due and appreciate her finest moments:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Wh-what is being wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21006\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21006\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet\" width=\"500\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21005\"> \u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9.gif\" alt=\"20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">If they aren't insulted the first time, try, try again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21011\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21011\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-7.gif\" alt=\"giphy (7)\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey.gif\" alt=\"dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>The Godfather\u003c/em> prequel:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21001\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21001\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"400\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">You thought she needed the walking stick for stability but it was a weapon this whole time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21007\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21007\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe.gif\" alt=\"ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe\" width=\"540\" height=\"303\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">That time she saw Mary's new bob haircut for the first time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21030\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ohitsyou-1451488191.gif\" alt=\"ohitsyou-1451488191\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">When she called her own son a waiter:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-8.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-8.gif\" alt=\"giphy (8)\" width=\"500\" height=\"215\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21027\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8.gif\" alt=\"anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">The time she first encountered electricity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21004\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21004\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Or that time she sat in a swivel chair for the first time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21022\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9.gif\" alt=\"e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always there to remind you to have some dignity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21008\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21008\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Cajoling, the hard way:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"giphy (6)\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always telling people exactly what they need to hear:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21014\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21014\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Talk to you never, dude:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21015\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21015\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large\" width=\"250\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">#DealWithIt:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21017\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21017\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r.gif\" alt=\"ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r\" width=\"400\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Keeping religion going, one rude thought at a time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/weL5oyT.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20998\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20998\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/weL5oyT.gif\" alt=\"weL5oyT\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">If the queen of all snobs tells you to stop being snobby, you might want to reevaluate some things:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/large.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20999\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20999\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/large.gif\" alt=\"large\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Gird your loins:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21000\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21000\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Not wasting any time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21002\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21002\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"310\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">She invented \u003ca href=\"http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting\" target=\"_blank\">ghosting\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21003\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21003\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b.gif\" alt=\"e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b\" width=\"245\" height=\"306\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Putting your saintly martyrdom on notice:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21018\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21018\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3.gif\" alt=\"259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">I don't like talking on the phone either:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21023\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21023\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Who run the world? Girls! (But mostly the Dowager Countess):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21024\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21024\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">#1 fan of drama:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-4.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21028\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21028\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"giphy (4)\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Nose up, guns out:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21029\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21029\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42.gif\" alt=\"anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">In summary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21019\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/wrong.gif\" alt=\"wrong\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"embedly-card\">\n\u003cdiv class=\"royalSlider hero rsDefault rsHor rsWebkit3d rsWithThumbs rsWithThumbsHor\">\n\u003cdiv class=\"rsGCaption\">\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bless you, Dowager Countess, for every beautiful thing you've ever said. I'm so glad you're immortal and will never die.\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Still want more \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to this episode of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">The Cooler\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, which features some quotes from this post and a quiz!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/03/are-you-too-old-for-snapchat/\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You can also take said quiz yourself:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/03/quiz-how-well-do-you-know-downton-abbey/\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And we have much more \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>-related content\u003c/a>, like recaps, guides and mixtapes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/5-authentic-anglophile-experiences-in-the-bay-area-for-downton-abbey-fans\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/15/crawley-girls-a-downton-abbey-mixtape/\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Before this often great/sometimes terrible show rides off into the sunset, let's take a moment to appreciate the Dowager's finest moments.",
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"description": "Before this often great/sometimes terrible show rides off into the sunset, let's take a moment to appreciate the Dowager's finest moments.",
"title": "The Best Quotes from Downton Abbey's Dowager Countess, Queen of Shade | KQED",
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"headline": "The Best Quotes from Downton Abbey's Dowager Countess, Queen of Shade",
"datePublished": "2016-03-04T12:12:05-08:00",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>This piece was inspired by an episode of \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">The Cooler.\u003c/a> Give it a listen!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249974933&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past six years, I've had a love-hate relationship with \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>. Like with most romances, things started off hot and heavy, but eventually cooled way down (my turning point: when they killed off Sybil, the woman responsible for making harem-pants and marrying poor, hot dudes fashionable). But, through all the recycled storylines (Bates is in trouble with the law...again! Edith is unlucky in love...again!) and snoozy B-plots (the old people argue over a hospital merger...for 7 whole episodes!), there was one shining light that kept me watching: the Dowager Countess. Before this often great/sometimes terrible show rides off into the sunset, let's take a moment to give credit where credit is due and appreciate her finest moments:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Wh-what is being wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21006\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21006\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet.gif\" alt=\"downton-abbey-isobel-crawley-wrong-violet\" width=\"500\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21005\"> \u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21005\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9.gif\" alt=\"20511e5d054498084d75bb53a08487e9\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">If they aren't insulted the first time, try, try again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-7.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21011\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21011\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-7.gif\" alt=\"giphy (7)\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21010\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21010\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey.gif\" alt=\"dowager-countess-isobel-said-it-wrong-downton-abbey\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>The Godfather\u003c/em> prequel:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21001\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21001\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_lrfxhzlWBs1qb10wfo1_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"400\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">You thought she needed the walking stick for stability but it was a weapon this whole time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21007\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21007\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe.gif\" alt=\"ba8f4c334eecc72bb642ecdef0e281fe\" width=\"540\" height=\"303\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">That time she saw Mary's new bob haircut for the first time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21030\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ohitsyou-1451488191.gif\" alt=\"ohitsyou-1451488191\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">When she called her own son a waiter:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-8.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21009\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21009\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-8.gif\" alt=\"giphy (8)\" width=\"500\" height=\"215\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21027\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8.gif\" alt=\"anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-5954-1414630101-8-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">The time she first encountered electricity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21004\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21004\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_ly5y5r8yCD1qhge4wo1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Or that time she sat in a swivel chair for the first time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21022\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9.gif\" alt=\"e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e987f8a0-fe49-0131-0751-0eae5eefacd9-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always there to remind you to have some dignity:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21008\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21008\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mtjtw57EIe1qga2g5o2_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Cajoling, the hard way:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21013\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21013\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"giphy (6)\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always telling people exactly what they need to hear:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21014\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21014\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mibwzhvOeF1qzi80do2_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Talk to you never, dude:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21015\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21015\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m14w0yDSpz1ql439fo1_250_large\" width=\"250\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">#DealWithIt:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21017\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21017\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r.gif\" alt=\"ut_that_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_itde3r23rwr3r\" width=\"400\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Keeping religion going, one rude thought at a time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/weL5oyT.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20998\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20998\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/weL5oyT.gif\" alt=\"weL5oyT\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">If the queen of all snobs tells you to stop being snobby, you might want to reevaluate some things:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/large.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20999\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20999\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/large.gif\" alt=\"large\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Gird your loins:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21000\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21000\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nwu7wbKlrR1swrlk9o2_r2_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Not wasting any time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21002\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21002\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nw2tcrhS4g1qb2flgo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"310\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">She invented \u003ca href=\"http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting\" target=\"_blank\">ghosting\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21003\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21003\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b.gif\" alt=\"e83199454f01ffa27e956b1e8f3a9f2b\" width=\"245\" height=\"306\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Putting your saintly martyrdom on notice:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21018\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21018\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3.gif\" alt=\"259815b7564d0955623c07a9a5420ce3\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">I don't like talking on the phone either:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21023\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21023\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_nhkajyXZlh1qlp8eco1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Who run the world? Girls! (But mostly the Dowager Countess):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21024\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21024\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mmug3rPb9W1_1811686a\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">#1 fan of drama:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-4.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21028\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21028\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"giphy (4)\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Nose up, guns out:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-21029\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21029\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42.gif\" alt=\"anigif_enhanced-28670-1414628833-42\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">In summary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21019\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/wrong.gif\" alt=\"wrong\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"embedly-card\">\n\u003cdiv class=\"royalSlider hero rsDefault rsHor rsWebkit3d rsWithThumbs rsWithThumbsHor\">\n\u003cdiv class=\"rsGCaption\">\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bless you, Dowager Countess, for every beautiful thing you've ever said. I'm so glad you're immortal and will never die.\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>Still want more \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to this episode of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">The Cooler\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, which features some quotes from this post and a quiz!\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>You can also take said quiz yourself:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>And we have much more \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>-related content\u003c/a>, like recaps, guides and mixtapes:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/5-authentic-anglophile-experiences-in-the-bay-area-for-downton-abbey-fans\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>On March 3, 1991, a spunky blonde girl with an affinity for loud clothing choices and a deep commitment to sibling rivalry boogied her way onto cable subscribers' TV screens and into America's hearts. Clarissa, the titular character on Nickelodeon's \u003cem>Clarissa Explains It All, \u003c/em>made her debut appearance 25 years ago today.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC0Aoa_Si3Y\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While it's easy to dismiss the current wave of nostalgia for '90s kids' programming and the resulting\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/02/fuller-house-every-single-wtf-moment-from-season-1/\" target=\"_blank\"> flood of questionable reboots\u003c/a> as nothing more than a transparent money-grab -- I liked \u003cem>Legends of the Hidden Temple, \u003c/em>but it didn't deserve a \u003ca href=\"http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/nickelodeon-legends-of-the-hidden-temple-hey-arnold-2016-tv-upfront-1201719422/\" target=\"_blank\">TV movie treatment \u003c/a>in 1998 and it certainly doesn't deserve one now -- the fact remains that not all '90s TV shows were created equal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As for Clarissa? Clarissa was one of the best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a post-Hannah Montana landscape, it's hard to imagine that network executives were once reluctant to put an adolescent girl front and center on her own TV show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.instagram.com/p/BCegHLXlHtM/?taken-by=melissajoanhart&hl=en\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But \"People were skeptical about whether boys would watch a girl,\" showrunner Mitchell Kriegman \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/how-the-clarissa-explains-it-all-creator-helped-change-kids#.lndnM9ZlY\" target=\"_blank\">told BuzzFeed in 2014\u003c/a>. \"That was the biggest stake in the ground, and that’s what I had gone for in pitching it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kriegman got his way, kicked down that door, and promptly proved the skeptics wrong. Melissa Joan Hart wasn't just a girl, of course. She was that rare child star -- eager and endearing without coming off cloying, poised but not overpolished -- in whom young teens truly saw themselves. It probably helped that she was actually 15 when the show started. Mind you, this was back in the halcyon days of children's entertainment, before it became normal for child stars to launch international perfume empires by the age of 12; before the Disney pipsqueak-to-sexpot pipeline we know all too well had become commonplace. Clarissa was a girl, yes, but she was also the everykid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-20985\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4-400x302.png\" alt=\"bedroom-4\" width=\"479\" height=\"362\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4-400x302.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4.png 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 479px) 100vw, 479px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the end, though, Kriegman succeeded not because of his star. The show rang true because he and his writing team remembered what it felt like to be 14 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clarissa's bedroom was her kingdom, with hubcaps on the walls, They Might Be Giants posters, and even a pet alligator named Elvis in the corner (though he did not, sadly, make it past Season 1). Her out-there and yet totally-with-it fashion sense (hello, Keith Haring t-shirt!) captured that age when expressing one's nascent individuality feels like all that matters; caring about clothes was a playful art form, not a sign of vapidity. Google \"Clarissa fashion\" for a taste of the approximately 4000 style blogs that still craft posts \u003cem>intended for adults \u003c/em>about how to dress like her, two and a half decades later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-21038\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1-400x302.jpg\" alt=\"Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527\" width=\"400\" height=\"302\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1-400x302.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a similar vein, Clarissa's feuds with her snot-nosed brother, Ferguson, might have been over funny or petty-seeming issues -- per Wikipedia, a typical plot summary was \"Ferguson convinces himself he's a genius after an IQ test. Clarissa tries to prove him wrong by joining him on the game show Brain Drain\" -- but the stakes always seemed to be life-or-death, which is, of course, how life feels when you're a teen. There were no easy \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em>-style hugs at an episode's conclusion. They were enemies, and the struggle was real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"http://mentalfloss.com/article/60340/27-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-clarissa-explains-it-all\" target=\"_blank\">an interview with Mental Floss\u003c/a>, Kriegman revealed that the universe in which the show existed was the result of meticulous planning: He even crafted a show \"bible\" for the writers to reference as necessary, featuring characterizations of Clarissa like \"[She's] the Ferris Bueller of girldom, but also kind of Calvin of \u003cem>Calvin and Hobbes.\" \u003c/em>What \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> had in common with both those worlds was a tacit understanding that the kids -- while they often had little control over their lives -- were always running the show. Recall, too, that tween and teen culture wasn't quite the dominant market force back then that it is today. A show that plainly recognized teens' intelligence was a rare and precious thing indeed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then, of course, there was Sam. Clarissa's relationship with her best friend (who had his own entrance music and appeared casually via ladder into her bedroom window years before \u003cem>Dawson's Creek\u003c/em> would rip off that particular trope) was aspirational in part because of its total innocence; it remained platonic for the duration of five seasons, nary a forced WB-style love triangle in sight. Here they are plotting their visit to a Pearl Jam show (!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odQpuuJb4OE\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clarissa's parents, meanwhile, often the subjects of the \"B\" storyline, were sometimes helpful -- but mostly clueless in a way any kid immediately recognized as authentic. (And, yes, if you happen to have grown up in Berkeley or somewhere similar, it was doubly fun to commiserate with both kids' distaste for their mother's cartoonishly gross health food obsessions. Tofu milkshakes, anyone?)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The sitcom also featured a few stylistic hallmarks that would later become commonplace: Clarissa's persistent breaking of the fourth wall, for example, is the clear lo-fi ancestor to the central conceit of \u003ca href=\"http://www.icarly.com/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>iCarly\u003c/em>, the late-aughts Nickelodeon show\u003c/a> about a teenage girl who has her own web series, thus her speaking directly to the camera.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clarissa didn't need the pretense of a TV show. Clarissa was the TV show. The whole point was to turn everyday life into an adventure -- which of course made the \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Clarissa-Explains-It-All-Game/dp/B003I7FY0I\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> board game\u003c/a> a natural merchandising effort. It was, in a sense, a straighter \u003cem>Pee-Wee's Playhouse...\u003c/em>with way less sexual subtext, and way more guest appearances by James Van Der Beek.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-20990\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek-400x299.png\" alt=\"james_van_der_beek\" width=\"400\" height=\"299\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek-400x299.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek.png 620w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some 25 years after the show's debut, much of what made \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> a hit might seem like a given in teen TV. But perhaps the best thing about the show was actually an absence: In an era when preachy Very Special Episodes were almost mandatory for television aimed at adolescents, \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> was never moralizing. The show dealt with typical teenage topics like crushes, bullying and, you know, not getting good seats at the Pearl Jam show. But if there had to be an overarching message to the series, it was that staying true to yourself -- to your weirdo, Doc Martens-loving, alligator-having self -- was always, and would always continue to be, the most important choice you could make.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It may have worn its geekiness more plainly on its sleeve, but \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> was running with a baton that Daria and even \u003cem>My So-Called Life\u003c/em>'s Angela Chase would pick up some six years later. It showed a generation of kids that being different was way cool. And for some of us, at that age, that was all we really needed to hear.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2A-_tW7zE50\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>On March 3, 1991, a spunky blonde girl with an affinity for loud clothing choices and a deep commitment to sibling rivalry boogied her way onto cable subscribers' TV screens and into America's hearts. Clarissa, the titular character on Nickelodeon's \u003cem>Clarissa Explains It All, \u003c/em>made her debut appearance 25 years ago today.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/TC0Aoa_Si3Y'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/TC0Aoa_Si3Y'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>While it's easy to dismiss the current wave of nostalgia for '90s kids' programming and the resulting\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/02/fuller-house-every-single-wtf-moment-from-season-1/\" target=\"_blank\"> flood of questionable reboots\u003c/a> as nothing more than a transparent money-grab -- I liked \u003cem>Legends of the Hidden Temple, \u003c/em>but it didn't deserve a \u003ca href=\"http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/nickelodeon-legends-of-the-hidden-temple-hey-arnold-2016-tv-upfront-1201719422/\" target=\"_blank\">TV movie treatment \u003c/a>in 1998 and it certainly doesn't deserve one now -- the fact remains that not all '90s TV shows were created equal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As for Clarissa? Clarissa was one of the best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a post-Hannah Montana landscape, it's hard to imagine that network executives were once reluctant to put an adolescent girl front and center on her own TV show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>But \"People were skeptical about whether boys would watch a girl,\" showrunner Mitchell Kriegman \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/how-the-clarissa-explains-it-all-creator-helped-change-kids#.lndnM9ZlY\" target=\"_blank\">told BuzzFeed in 2014\u003c/a>. \"That was the biggest stake in the ground, and that’s what I had gone for in pitching it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kriegman got his way, kicked down that door, and promptly proved the skeptics wrong. Melissa Joan Hart wasn't just a girl, of course. She was that rare child star -- eager and endearing without coming off cloying, poised but not overpolished -- in whom young teens truly saw themselves. It probably helped that she was actually 15 when the show started. Mind you, this was back in the halcyon days of children's entertainment, before it became normal for child stars to launch international perfume empires by the age of 12; before the Disney pipsqueak-to-sexpot pipeline we know all too well had become commonplace. Clarissa was a girl, yes, but she was also the everykid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-20985\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4-400x302.png\" alt=\"bedroom-4\" width=\"479\" height=\"362\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4-400x302.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/bedroom-4.png 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 479px) 100vw, 479px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the end, though, Kriegman succeeded not because of his star. The show rang true because he and his writing team remembered what it felt like to be 14 years old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clarissa's bedroom was her kingdom, with hubcaps on the walls, They Might Be Giants posters, and even a pet alligator named Elvis in the corner (though he did not, sadly, make it past Season 1). Her out-there and yet totally-with-it fashion sense (hello, Keith Haring t-shirt!) captured that age when expressing one's nascent individuality feels like all that matters; caring about clothes was a playful art form, not a sign of vapidity. Google \"Clarissa fashion\" for a taste of the approximately 4000 style blogs that still craft posts \u003cem>intended for adults \u003c/em>about how to dress like her, two and a half decades later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-21038\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1-400x302.jpg\" alt=\"Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527\" width=\"400\" height=\"302\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1-400x302.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Kieth-Haring-Shirt-_clarissa-explains-all-large-msg-131159332527-1.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a similar vein, Clarissa's feuds with her snot-nosed brother, Ferguson, might have been over funny or petty-seeming issues -- per Wikipedia, a typical plot summary was \"Ferguson convinces himself he's a genius after an IQ test. Clarissa tries to prove him wrong by joining him on the game show Brain Drain\" -- but the stakes always seemed to be life-or-death, which is, of course, how life feels when you're a teen. There were no easy \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em>-style hugs at an episode's conclusion. They were enemies, and the struggle was real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"http://mentalfloss.com/article/60340/27-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-clarissa-explains-it-all\" target=\"_blank\">an interview with Mental Floss\u003c/a>, Kriegman revealed that the universe in which the show existed was the result of meticulous planning: He even crafted a show \"bible\" for the writers to reference as necessary, featuring characterizations of Clarissa like \"[She's] the Ferris Bueller of girldom, but also kind of Calvin of \u003cem>Calvin and Hobbes.\" \u003c/em>What \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> had in common with both those worlds was a tacit understanding that the kids -- while they often had little control over their lives -- were always running the show. Recall, too, that tween and teen culture wasn't quite the dominant market force back then that it is today. A show that plainly recognized teens' intelligence was a rare and precious thing indeed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then, of course, there was Sam. Clarissa's relationship with her best friend (who had his own entrance music and appeared casually via ladder into her bedroom window years before \u003cem>Dawson's Creek\u003c/em> would rip off that particular trope) was aspirational in part because of its total innocence; it remained platonic for the duration of five seasons, nary a forced WB-style love triangle in sight. Here they are plotting their visit to a Pearl Jam show (!).\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/odQpuuJb4OE'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/odQpuuJb4OE'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Clarissa's parents, meanwhile, often the subjects of the \"B\" storyline, were sometimes helpful -- but mostly clueless in a way any kid immediately recognized as authentic. (And, yes, if you happen to have grown up in Berkeley or somewhere similar, it was doubly fun to commiserate with both kids' distaste for their mother's cartoonishly gross health food obsessions. Tofu milkshakes, anyone?)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The sitcom also featured a few stylistic hallmarks that would later become commonplace: Clarissa's persistent breaking of the fourth wall, for example, is the clear lo-fi ancestor to the central conceit of \u003ca href=\"http://www.icarly.com/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>iCarly\u003c/em>, the late-aughts Nickelodeon show\u003c/a> about a teenage girl who has her own web series, thus her speaking directly to the camera.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Clarissa didn't need the pretense of a TV show. Clarissa was the TV show. The whole point was to turn everyday life into an adventure -- which of course made the \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Clarissa-Explains-It-All-Game/dp/B003I7FY0I\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> board game\u003c/a> a natural merchandising effort. It was, in a sense, a straighter \u003cem>Pee-Wee's Playhouse...\u003c/em>with way less sexual subtext, and way more guest appearances by James Van Der Beek.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-20990\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek-400x299.png\" alt=\"james_van_der_beek\" width=\"400\" height=\"299\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek-400x299.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/james_van_der_beek.png 620w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some 25 years after the show's debut, much of what made \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> a hit might seem like a given in teen TV. But perhaps the best thing about the show was actually an absence: In an era when preachy Very Special Episodes were almost mandatory for television aimed at adolescents, \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> was never moralizing. The show dealt with typical teenage topics like crushes, bullying and, you know, not getting good seats at the Pearl Jam show. But if there had to be an overarching message to the series, it was that staying true to yourself -- to your weirdo, Doc Martens-loving, alligator-having self -- was always, and would always continue to be, the most important choice you could make.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It may have worn its geekiness more plainly on its sleeve, but \u003cem>Clarissa\u003c/em> was running with a baton that Daria and even \u003cem>My So-Called Life\u003c/em>'s Angela Chase would pick up some six years later. It showed a generation of kids that being different was way cool. 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"content": "\u003cp>After six years of class warfare, murder, weddings and funerals, \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> is riding off into the sunset (most likely, side-saddle). So much has happened since we first laid eyes on Lady Mary and the gang. How much of it do you remember? Take this quiz and find out:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe id=\"quizWidget-182821\" width=\"100%\" height=\"700px\" frameborder=\"0\" border=\"none\" src=\"https://www.boombox.com/widget/quiz/fi9xdWl6emVzLzE4MjgyMQ\" scrolling=\"yes\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you're still craving more \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>, give this episode of \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> a listen:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249974933&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And we have much more \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>-related content\u003c/a>, like recaps, guides and mixtapes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/21/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-8-recap-tears-dry-on-their-own/\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/5-authentic-anglophile-experiences-in-the-bay-area-for-downton-abbey-fans\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/15/crawley-girls-a-downton-abbey-mixtape/\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>After six years of class warfare, murder, weddings and funerals, \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> is riding off into the sunset (most likely, side-saddle). So much has happened since we first laid eyes on Lady Mary and the gang. How much of it do you remember? Take this quiz and find out:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe id=\"quizWidget-182821\" width=\"100%\" height=\"700px\" frameborder=\"0\" border=\"none\" src=\"https://www.boombox.com/widget/quiz/fi9xdWl6emVzLzE4MjgyMQ\" scrolling=\"yes\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And if you're still craving more \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>, give this episode of \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> a listen:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249974933&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And we have much more \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>-related content\u003c/a>, like recaps, guides and mixtapes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Fuller House: Every Single WTF Moment from Season 1",
"title": "Fuller House: Every Single WTF Moment from Season 1",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>This piece was inspired by an episode of \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">The Cooler\u003c/a>, KQED’s weekly pop culture podcast. Give it a listen!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[audio src=\"https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/www.kqed.org/.stream/mp3splice/radio/thecooler/2016/03/fullerhouse.mp3\" title=\"Is It Time to Break Up with Reality TV?\" program=\"The Cooler\" image=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/clo.jpg\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"aligncenter\">\n\u003cdiv>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2016/11/DownloadOniTunes_100x100.png\" width=\"75px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://play.google.com/music/m/Ig3hk6qa4fzcgjp2kagptfgu4u4?t=The_Cooler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2016/11/Google_Play_100x100.png\" width=\"75px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/div>\n\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em>, the reboot of '90s TGIF staple \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/full-house/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Full House\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, has officially landed on Netflix. You probably already knew that though, thanks to the countless reviews out there branding it every synonym of bad. Why are these people surprised? The original was schmaltzy, corny, and not that great; why would the reincarnation be any different?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past three days, I watched all 13 episodes of the revival's first season and thoroughly enjoyed the experience \u003cem>because\u003c/em> of its shortcomings. \u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> knows its limitations. It embraces the slapstick, the stuck-in-the-past dad jokes, the weak catchphrases, the embarrassing call-backs to the original series and, most of all, the what-in-the-world-is-going-on, how-did-we-get-here moments. I find the latter most interesting so, without further ado, here is a collection of all the WTF moments from Season 1:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The cast doesn't waste any time breaking the fourth wall to shadily address the absence of the Olsen twins a.k.a. Michelle:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20958\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20958\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"giphy (2)\" width=\"480\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie swings a baby wearing an Elvis onesie into Uncle Joey's testicles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie Gibbler alludes to having given birth to her daughter in a rental car. She also allegedly knows Kama Sutra secrets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's never too late for a New Kids on the Block breakdance for no reason:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20924\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20924\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif\" alt=\"fuller house nkotb\" width=\"376\" height=\"376\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif 376w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 376px) 100vw, 376px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie reminds his wife that they won't be having any more kids: \"You know that ship has sailed. It sunk. All semen lost.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In stop-trying-to-make-fetch-happen news: Candace Cameron exclaims \"Oh my lanta!\" almost every episode (in a dogged attempt never to take the Lord's name in vain), DJ's middle kid constantly says \"Holy chalupas!\" at the slighest provocation, and DJ's very white eldest child continuously refers to himself as J Money, despite never exhibiting any interest in hop hop culture or anything that isn't suburban.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The entire cast earnestly sings along to Uncle Jessie's \"Forever,\" which was allegedly a big hit in Japan, followed by a \"Wild Thing\" encore:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/705110961506549761\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A cell phone accidentally gets caught in a diaper during a changing, leading Stephanie to take a call from the baby's butt. The baby, of course, farts. And, as if that wasn't enough, the writers throw in a \"butt dial\" joke for good measure:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/705111843811921920\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When contemplating changing clothes in an Uber, D.J. says: \"What if Uber sees my boobers?\" Yep, someone was paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Several cast members debate whether Neil deGrasse Tyson farts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Macy Gray (!!!) makes an appearance as herself. She apparently rode an elephant in Cambodia with Stephanie after a bender. She proclaims \"I'm crazy for Swayzee\" before breaking into a rendition of \"I've Had the Time of My Life\" from \u003cem>Dirty Dancing\u003c/em>. She goes on to utter these words: \"And the winner is these two luscious lesbians!\" And the cherry on top: the moment Macy Gray realizes she's too good for this cameo: \"What am I doing here? I won a Grammy!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/703685741621092354\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pre-teen masturbation jokes are very much on the table:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o37h5w6dSE1u6iocfo1_r1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20925\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20925\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o37h5w6dSE1u6iocfo1_r1_250.gif\" alt=\"fuller house volcano\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20927\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20927\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"fuller house tmi\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A second grader slaps his face with slices of bologna to attract puppies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An old man scratches his grown son's belly, causing the 30-something to act like a dog.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After being skunked, Stephanie ends up naked in a vat of tomato soup with a baby and a second grader. They are surrounded by golden retriever puppies who are in tomato soup-filled kiddie pools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20949\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20949\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 1.42.25 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"942\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-1440x807.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J. confuses a blind date for a plumber she's expecting, causing the following line to be deeply misinterpreted: \"I just need a man to get to work on my pipes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stephanie helps Iggy Azalea find her missing contact lens. Iggy rewards Steph with one of her hair extensions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20948\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20948\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 2.16.26 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The second-grader works through recital stage fright by performing at Coachella over WiFi. No, really.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20955\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20955\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 11.27.41 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"887\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-400x211.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-800x423.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-768x406.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-1440x761.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-1180x624.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-960x507.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out of nowhere, Stephanie walks over to a changing table and bursts into tears over being barren:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20926\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/steph-cant-have.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57902\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/steph-cant-have.gif\" alt=\"steph-cant-have\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie Gibbler gallops in a circle while hitting her butt, saying \"Spank it!\" and neighing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie draws attention to a distracting part of Stephanie's (well, actress Jodie Sweetin's, really) anatomy, by declaring: \"Look at me! I'm Stephanie! I have big boooobs!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/704946174600617984\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an attempt to shoe-horn in diversity and balance out the glaring whiteness of the Tanner family (\"They're albino polar bears drinking milk in a snow storm watching\u003cem> Frozen\"\u003c/em>), the \u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> writers make sure that Kimmie's half Latina daughter reminds the audience of her heritage at every turn by making her say stuff like this: \"Sarah ate some bad pollo and her butt went loco!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J. randomly beats up two Mexican wrestlers dressed up in chicken costumes. \"Oo, right in the chicken McNuggets!,\" an announcer shouts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J.'s eldest son starts performing dangerous stunts to impress a new friend who always wears a one-size-too-small leather jacket (the designated uniform for all trouble-making bad influences). At the end of the episode, without any explanation, said bad influence enters his friend's room wearing nothing but a towel. Why is he showering there? Future gay tween subplot?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20947\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20947\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 3.41.01 PM\" width=\"1536\" height=\"856\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-400x223.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-800x446.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-768x428.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-1440x803.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-1180x658.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-960x535.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1536px) 100vw, 1536px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family has an altar in memory of their father Danny Tanner...who isn't dead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20952\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20952\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.32.36 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ and her high school sweetheart Steve sing \"Unchained Melody\" by the Righteous Brothers, while mixing meat with their hands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.16.50 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"945\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-1440x811.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20937\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>Kimmie's very Latina daughter comes home from shopping and is excited about her new Elizabeth & James designer dress by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, which opens up the opportunity for another Olsen twin diss: \"At these prices, no wonder they don't have to act anymore!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie's \"Latin lover\" ex is a full-blown caricature of a human being, whose over-the-top accent is only rivaled by Hank Azaria in \u003cem>The Birdcage\u003c/em>. He also slaps another man in the face with a dishwashing glove:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/705117144279678976\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In every episode, there is some reminder that Stephanie is a dancer:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20961\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20961\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400\" width=\"268\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif 268w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400-32x32.gif 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 268px) 100vw, 268px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">A singer:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20962\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20962\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400\" width=\"268\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">...a DJ, or all the above. But only once does she utilize a text exchange backdrop for marketing purposes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20945\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20945\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 3.57.33 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"929\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-400x221.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-800x443.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-768x425.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1440x797.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1180x653.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-960x531.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-672x372.png 672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1038x576.png 1038w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ tries to stop any fun from occurring at a teenage birthday party by screaming: \"Nobody pair up! Nobody make out!\" This line may or may not have been taken from actress Candace Cameron's real life \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwefHEeyG74\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">protesting icky gays \u003c/a>getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Aunt Becky's life is any indication, the forecast for your walk into the sunset with your beloved boo is BLEAK:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/705120705759674368\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stephanie's boyfriend is revealed to be San Francisco Giants player Hunter Pence, who really shouldn't quit his day job. He wears a golden fork around his neck, which is only used to eat pizza.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o363blnn0b1rvn2ylo1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20921\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20921\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o363blnn0b1rvn2ylo1_400.gif\" alt=\"fuller house hunter pence\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ's two suitors accidentally kiss each other and Candace Cameron surprisingly doesn't walk off set in protest over all the gross gayness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20953\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20953\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.30.37 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-400x226.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-1440x812.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of DJ's kids really needs to poop, but there's no toilet paper because the unattended baby wrapped it all around himself. In a move of desperation, the kid grabs the toilet paper baby and runs into the bathroom to take care of business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two teens massage a second-grader's feet and things are weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.37.40 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one should be surprised that this show features a problematic cultural appropriation party. Theme: India! And yes, that's a \"sacred cow\" in the background.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20940\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20940\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.47.15 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-400x226.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-1440x812.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which previously barged into the family's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.48.16 PM\" width=\"1677\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png 1677w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1677px) 100vw, 1677px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's one more for good measure (poor guy):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20937\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20937\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.51.47 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-1440x809.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-1180x663.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone approaches this baby and asks, \"Where did you get that hat? Turban outfitters?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20938\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20938\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.49.17 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-1440x807.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The entire cast (plus nameless extras with zero lines) burst into a very long choreographed Bollywood dance sequence:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty/status/705124184725200896\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ, Stephanie and Kimmie get drunk and squeeze in one last dig at the Olsen twins by prank calling Michelle and taunting her with all her former catchphrases:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20959\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20959\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"245\" height=\"243\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20960\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20960\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a.gif\" alt=\"21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a\" width=\"696\" height=\"394\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And the writers throw in one last same-sex kiss to freak out Candace Cameron some more. I bow to their trolling:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20931\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20931\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.24.28 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-1440x811.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-1180x664.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20932\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20932\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.24.01 PM\" width=\"1679\" height=\"944\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png 1679w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-1440x810.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-1180x663.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-960x540.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1679px) 100vw, 1679px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Worried that we will only get one WTF season of\u003cem> Fuller House\u003c/em>? Well, fear not:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://twitter.com/fullerhouse/status/705029917520474112\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a time to be alive!\u003c/p>\n\n\n",
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"excerpt": "I watched all 13 episodes so you don't have to (although you kinda should 'cause it's so bad it's great).",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>This piece was inspired by an episode of \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">The Cooler\u003c/a>, KQED’s weekly pop culture podcast. Give it a listen!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"aligncenter\">\n\u003cdiv>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2016/11/DownloadOniTunes_100x100.png\" width=\"75px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://play.google.com/music/m/Ig3hk6qa4fzcgjp2kagptfgu4u4?t=The_Cooler\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">\u003cimg class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2016/11/Google_Play_100x100.png\" width=\"75px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/div>\n\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em>, the reboot of '90s TGIF staple \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/full-house/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Full House\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, has officially landed on Netflix. You probably already knew that though, thanks to the countless reviews out there branding it every synonym of bad. Why are these people surprised? The original was schmaltzy, corny, and not that great; why would the reincarnation be any different?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the past three days, I watched all 13 episodes of the revival's first season and thoroughly enjoyed the experience \u003cem>because\u003c/em> of its shortcomings. \u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> knows its limitations. It embraces the slapstick, the stuck-in-the-past dad jokes, the weak catchphrases, the embarrassing call-backs to the original series and, most of all, the what-in-the-world-is-going-on, how-did-we-get-here moments. I find the latter most interesting so, without further ado, here is a collection of all the WTF moments from Season 1:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The cast doesn't waste any time breaking the fourth wall to shadily address the absence of the Olsen twins a.k.a. Michelle:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20958\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20958\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"giphy (2)\" width=\"480\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie swings a baby wearing an Elvis onesie into Uncle Joey's testicles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie Gibbler alludes to having given birth to her daughter in a rental car. She also allegedly knows Kama Sutra secrets.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's never too late for a New Kids on the Block breakdance for no reason:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20924\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20924\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif\" alt=\"fuller house nkotb\" width=\"376\" height=\"376\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller.gif 376w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/dancingfuller-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 376px) 100vw, 376px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Jessie reminds his wife that they won't be having any more kids: \"You know that ship has sailed. It sunk. All semen lost.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In stop-trying-to-make-fetch-happen news: Candace Cameron exclaims \"Oh my lanta!\" almost every episode (in a dogged attempt never to take the Lord's name in vain), DJ's middle kid constantly says \"Holy chalupas!\" at the slighest provocation, and DJ's very white eldest child continuously refers to himself as J Money, despite never exhibiting any interest in hop hop culture or anything that isn't suburban.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The entire cast earnestly sings along to Uncle Jessie's \"Forever,\" which was allegedly a big hit in Japan, followed by a \"Wild Thing\" encore:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>A cell phone accidentally gets caught in a diaper during a changing, leading Stephanie to take a call from the baby's butt. The baby, of course, farts. And, as if that wasn't enough, the writers throw in a \"butt dial\" joke for good measure:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>When contemplating changing clothes in an Uber, D.J. says: \"What if Uber sees my boobers?\" Yep, someone was paid to write that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Several cast members debate whether Neil deGrasse Tyson farts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Macy Gray (!!!) makes an appearance as herself. She apparently rode an elephant in Cambodia with Stephanie after a bender. She proclaims \"I'm crazy for Swayzee\" before breaking into a rendition of \"I've Had the Time of My Life\" from \u003cem>Dirty Dancing\u003c/em>. She goes on to utter these words: \"And the winner is these two luscious lesbians!\" And the cherry on top: the moment Macy Gray realizes she's too good for this cameo: \"What am I doing here? I won a Grammy!\"\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>Pre-teen masturbation jokes are very much on the table:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o37h5w6dSE1u6iocfo1_r1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20925\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20925\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o37h5w6dSE1u6iocfo1_r1_250.gif\" alt=\"fuller house volcano\" width=\"245\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20927\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20927\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"fuller house tmi\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A second grader slaps his face with slices of bologna to attract puppies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>An old man scratches his grown son's belly, causing the 30-something to act like a dog.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After being skunked, Stephanie ends up naked in a vat of tomato soup with a baby and a second grader. They are surrounded by golden retriever puppies who are in tomato soup-filled kiddie pools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20949\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20949\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 1.42.25 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"942\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-1440x807.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-1.42.25-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J. confuses a blind date for a plumber she's expecting, causing the following line to be deeply misinterpreted: \"I just need a man to get to work on my pipes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stephanie helps Iggy Azalea find her missing contact lens. Iggy rewards Steph with one of her hair extensions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20948\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20948\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 2.16.26 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-2.16.26-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The second-grader works through recital stage fright by performing at Coachella over WiFi. No, really.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20955\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20955\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 11.27.41 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"887\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-400x211.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-800x423.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-768x406.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-1440x761.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-1180x624.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-11.27.41-AM-960x507.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out of nowhere, Stephanie walks over to a changing table and bursts into tears over being barren:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20926\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/steph-cant-have.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57902\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/steph-cant-have.gif\" alt=\"steph-cant-have\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie Gibbler gallops in a circle while hitting her butt, saying \"Spank it!\" and neighing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie draws attention to a distracting part of Stephanie's (well, actress Jodie Sweetin's, really) anatomy, by declaring: \"Look at me! I'm Stephanie! I have big boooobs!\"\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>In an attempt to shoe-horn in diversity and balance out the glaring whiteness of the Tanner family (\"They're albino polar bears drinking milk in a snow storm watching\u003cem> Frozen\"\u003c/em>), the \u003cem>Fuller House\u003c/em> writers make sure that Kimmie's half Latina daughter reminds the audience of her heritage at every turn by making her say stuff like this: \"Sarah ate some bad pollo and her butt went loco!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J. randomly beats up two Mexican wrestlers dressed up in chicken costumes. \"Oo, right in the chicken McNuggets!,\" an announcer shouts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>D.J.'s eldest son starts performing dangerous stunts to impress a new friend who always wears a one-size-too-small leather jacket (the designated uniform for all trouble-making bad influences). At the end of the episode, without any explanation, said bad influence enters his friend's room wearing nothing but a towel. Why is he showering there? Future gay tween subplot?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20947\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20947\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 3.41.01 PM\" width=\"1536\" height=\"856\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM.png 1536w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-400x223.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-800x446.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-768x428.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-1440x803.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-1180x658.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.41.01-PM-960x535.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1536px) 100vw, 1536px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The family has an altar in memory of their father Danny Tanner...who isn't dead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20952\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20952\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.32.36 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.32.36-AM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ and her high school sweetheart Steve sing \"Unchained Melody\" by the Righteous Brothers, while mixing meat with their hands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20934\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20934\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.16.50 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"945\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-1440x811.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.16.50-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20937\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>Kimmie's very Latina daughter comes home from shopping and is excited about her new Elizabeth & James designer dress by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, which opens up the opportunity for another Olsen twin diss: \"At these prices, no wonder they don't have to act anymore!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kimmie's \"Latin lover\" ex is a full-blown caricature of a human being, whose over-the-top accent is only rivaled by Hank Azaria in \u003cem>The Birdcage\u003c/em>. He also slaps another man in the face with a dishwashing glove:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>In every episode, there is some reminder that Stephanie is a dancer:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20961\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20961\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400\" width=\"268\" height=\"280\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400.gif 268w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o36aroWXk01s4sfjlo4_400-32x32.gif 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 268px) 100vw, 268px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">A singer:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20962\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20962\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_o38diegLIp1qdm7rno2_400\" width=\"268\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">...a DJ, or all the above. But only once does she utilize a text exchange backdrop for marketing purposes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20945\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20945\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-27 at 3.57.33 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"929\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-400x221.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-800x443.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-768x425.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1440x797.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1180x653.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-960x531.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-672x372.png 672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-27-at-3.57.33-PM-1038x576.png 1038w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ tries to stop any fun from occurring at a teenage birthday party by screaming: \"Nobody pair up! Nobody make out!\" This line may or may not have been taken from actress Candace Cameron's real life \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwefHEeyG74\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">protesting icky gays \u003c/a>getting married.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>If Aunt Becky's life is any indication, the forecast for your walk into the sunset with your beloved boo is BLEAK:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>Stephanie's boyfriend is revealed to be San Francisco Giants player Hunter Pence, who really shouldn't quit his day job. He wears a golden fork around his neck, which is only used to eat pizza.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o363blnn0b1rvn2ylo1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20921\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20921\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/tumblr_o363blnn0b1rvn2ylo1_400.gif\" alt=\"fuller house hunter pence\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>DJ's two suitors accidentally kiss each other and Candace Cameron surprisingly doesn't walk off set in protest over all the gross gayness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20953\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20953\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.30.37 AM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-400x226.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-1440x812.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-03-02-at-12.30.37-AM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of DJ's kids really needs to poop, but there's no toilet paper because the unattended baby wrapped it all around himself. In a move of desperation, the kid grabs the toilet paper baby and runs into the bathroom to take care of business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two teens massage a second-grader's feet and things are weird.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20942\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20942\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.37.40 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.37.40-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one should be surprised that this show features a problematic cultural appropriation party. Theme: India! And yes, that's a \"sacred cow\" in the background.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20940\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20940\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.47.15 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-400x226.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-800x451.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-768x433.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-1440x812.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-1180x665.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.47.15-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which previously barged into the family's kitchen.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20939\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20939\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.48.16 PM\" width=\"1677\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM.png 1677w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-800x449.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-768x431.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-1440x808.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-1180x662.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.48.16-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1677px) 100vw, 1677px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Here's one more for good measure (poor guy):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20937\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20937\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.51.47 PM\" width=\"1678\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM.png 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-1440x809.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-1180x663.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.51.47-PM-960x539.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone approaches this baby and asks, \"Where did you get that hat? Turban outfitters?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20938\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20938\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 6.49.17 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-400x224.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-1440x807.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-6.49.17-PM-960x538.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The entire cast (plus nameless extras with zero lines) burst into a very long choreographed Bollywood dance sequence:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\n\u003cp>DJ, Stephanie and Kimmie get drunk and squeeze in one last dig at the Olsen twins by prank calling Michelle and taunting her with all her former catchphrases:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20959\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20959\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"245\" height=\"243\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/giphy-3-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20960\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20960\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a.gif\" alt=\"21fc03788bf0e7ee3a9adde98fa72c3a\" width=\"696\" height=\"394\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And the writers throw in one last same-sex kiss to freak out Candace Cameron some more. I bow to their trolling:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20931\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20931\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.24.28 PM\" width=\"1680\" height=\"946\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM.png 1680w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-1440x811.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-1180x664.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.28-PM-960x541.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20932\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20932\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 7.24.01 PM\" width=\"1679\" height=\"944\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM.png 1679w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-400x225.png 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-800x450.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-768x432.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-1440x810.png 1440w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-1180x663.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/Screen-Shot-2016-02-29-at-7.24.01-PM-960x540.png 960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1679px) 100vw, 1679px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Worried that we will only get one WTF season of\u003cem> Fuller House\u003c/em>? Well, fear not:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a time to be alive!\u003c/p>\n\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "Acceptance Speeches 101: How Winners Could Make the Oscars Way Less Boring",
"title": "Acceptance Speeches 101: How Winners Could Make the Oscars Way Less Boring",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249055615&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Every year, I get excited about the Oscars. And, every year, about 7 minutes into the ceremony, a familiar realization comes flooding back: \u003cem>Oh, yeah! Award shows are super duper boring!\u003c/em> The main culprit: the uninspired acceptance speeches that often are just a long list of random people's names. So, in an attempt to make a better world, I've compiled a list of dos and don'ts for future award winners to make the most of their stage time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do show your endearing humanity by cackling uncontrollably à la Julia Roberts:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/ZV0YbYECU7A?t=4m17s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do make sure you're charming enough to pull off threatening to kidnap and have sex with everyone in the audience, like Roberto Benigni did:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/Ybgg4H4zTHo?t=2m6s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do use Maya Angelou as an excuse to go HAM on everyone, like Fiona Apple:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/RVHQJlogH0k?t=13s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do have a modicum of chill, unlike Sally Field's infamous YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!! speech:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do bring some 'tude like when Taraji P. Henson refused to be rushed by the Golden Globe producers:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Yrca4FSKXQ\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do kill your haters with cuteness like Ruth Gordon:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/oxsLNhH0yjA?t=1m29s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do not say something insufferable and follow it up by hooting like a drunken frat boy:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/xJp7Wd6Af2A?t=2m45s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do pull a Cuba Gooding Jr. and refuse to be played off by saying \"I love you\" a billion times:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/cnCMqr1QRQw?t=1m18s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do double check to make sure that the gay men you thank are actually out, \u003ca href=\"https://uk.movies.yahoo.com/the-story-behind-great-oscars-moments--when-tom-hanks-outed-a-drama-teacher-114738061.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">something Tom Hanks forgot to do\u003c/a>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/bBuDMEpUc8k?t=2m17s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do realize that kissing your sibling on the lips and then saying you're in love with them will lead to incest rumors:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/EPWpHWr1L7s?t=1m47s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do use your acceptance speech time to do some cardio:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/AGxL5AFzzMY?t=1m19s\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do leave them wanting more:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://youtu.be/O0Q_nyjuEak?t=1m16s\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "In an attempt to make a better world, I've compiled a list of award speech dos and don'ts.\r\n",
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"description": "In an attempt to make a better world, I've compiled a list of award speech dos and don'ts.\r\n",
"title": "Acceptance Speeches 101: How Winners Could Make the Oscars Way Less Boring | KQED",
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"headline": "Acceptance Speeches 101: How Winners Could Make the Oscars Way Less Boring",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/249055615&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false\" class=\"iframe-class\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Every year, I get excited about the Oscars. And, every year, about 7 minutes into the ceremony, a familiar realization comes flooding back: \u003cem>Oh, yeah! Award shows are super duper boring!\u003c/em> The main culprit: the uninspired acceptance speeches that often are just a long list of random people's names. So, in an attempt to make a better world, I've compiled a list of dos and don'ts for future award winners to make the most of their stage time:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do show your endearing humanity by cackling uncontrollably à la Julia Roberts:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/ZV0YbYECU7A'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/ZV0YbYECU7A'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do make sure you're charming enough to pull off threatening to kidnap and have sex with everyone in the audience, like Roberto Benigni did:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/Ybgg4H4zTHo'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/Ybgg4H4zTHo'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do use Maya Angelou as an excuse to go HAM on everyone, like Fiona Apple:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/RVHQJlogH0k'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/RVHQJlogH0k'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do have a modicum of chill, unlike Sally Field's infamous YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!! speech:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/rl_NpdAy3WY'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/rl_NpdAy3WY'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do bring some 'tude like when Taraji P. Henson refused to be rushed by the Golden Globe producers:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/4Yrca4FSKXQ'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/4Yrca4FSKXQ'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do kill your haters with cuteness like Ruth Gordon:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/oxsLNhH0yjA'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/oxsLNhH0yjA'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do not say something insufferable and follow it up by hooting like a drunken frat boy:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/xJp7Wd6Af2A'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/xJp7Wd6Af2A'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do pull a Cuba Gooding Jr. and refuse to be played off by saying \"I love you\" a billion times:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/cnCMqr1QRQw'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/cnCMqr1QRQw'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do double check to make sure that the gay men you thank are actually out, \u003ca href=\"https://uk.movies.yahoo.com/the-story-behind-great-oscars-moments--when-tom-hanks-outed-a-drama-teacher-114738061.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">something Tom Hanks forgot to do\u003c/a>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/bBuDMEpUc8k'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/bBuDMEpUc8k'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do realize that kissing your sibling on the lips and then saying you're in love with them will lead to incest rumors:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/EPWpHWr1L7s'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/EPWpHWr1L7s'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do use your acceptance speech time to do some cardio:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/AGxL5AFzzMY'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/AGxL5AFzzMY'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Do leave them wanting more:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan 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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\" target=\"_blank\">all the straight people got proposed to\u003c/a> and the lonely gay was mercilessly bullied (a nice and neat allegory for most of human history). Will there be a double wedding with you-can't-borrow-my-fancy-coat, no-I-don't-want-my-reception-there drama? Will this episode reveal that Thomas stowed away on the Dowager's south of France-bound ship in search for warmer climes and shirtless boys? Will Carson step on a stair devastated by termites and fall to his death? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a typical overcast day in England, Edith and Cora walk around the grounds with super unnecessary parasols. Cora advises Edith to tell her boyfriend that she's actually Marigold's mom. Edith is like \u003cem>Or! I can keep pretending that she's just a random orphan that follows me around!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in the servants' courtyard, the Sergeant is paying a visit because these people can't not sloppily kill people or get roped into some type of criminal activity for one day. This time, it's Mrs. Patmore's turn to be interrogated. Turns out her Airbnb guests were *pearl clutch* having an affair! And now everyone in town thinks her cute bed and breakfast is a brothel. Mrs. Patmore almost passes out because she's never had sex in her entire life, and the unfairness of some people getting to do it with multiple partners is just too damn much for her equilibrium to take.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and Rosamund are moving their mouths, but all I can focus on is new puppy Tia'a teething on a wicker basket. Dear \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers, thanks for realizing that the only way I can deal with Robert scenes is if there is a cute baby animal in the frame.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Rosamund watch Edith and Cora through a window. \u003cem>Parasols? Really?\u003c/em> is unspoken between them, but understood. They wonder if Edith will get dumped. They decide: statistically, duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Mary comes out of a shop with a mystery package. More contraceptives? She and Branson notice a newspaper with the headline \"English Marquess Dies in Tangier.\" Please don't let it be Edith's boyfriend's employer who spends all his time painting local Moroccan boys. He's supposed to come back and be Thomas' sugar daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, it's him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nnxrjpusMz1tq4of6o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20647\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20647\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nnxrjpusMz1tq4of6o1_500.gif\" alt=\"eyeore too good to be true\" width=\"500\" height=\"216\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, Anna and Bates are laughing about Mrs. Patmore's predicament. They've replaced sulking and sobbing in the shoe polish room with reveling in others' misery. \u003cem>At least it's not us this time!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In another corner of the room, Terrible Self-Esteem #1 and Terrible Self Esteem #2 (cheat code: Molesley and Baxter) have anxiety about not being good enough, per usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Isobel's place, Lord Merton stops by to discuss his son's wedding invite. Why is Isobel bickering with her ex when she could be on Spring Break with the Dowager in France? Merton brings up how nice his son's fiance is and Isobel takes a page out of Mariah's shade book and says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20648\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20648\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her.gif\" alt=\"mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her\" width=\"245\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes tells him about Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb brothel. He forbids her to say a word about it to anyone else. Meanwhile, upstairs, Anna is cracking up while spilling all the details to Mary. Why is she so gleefully mean all of a sudden? Is her pregnancy a \u003cem>Rosemary's Baby\u003c/em> type of thing? Bates\u003cem> is\u003c/em> pretty devilish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary changes the subject to another person's misfortune they can mock: Edith's boyfriend's possible unemployment due to the death of Thomas' almost sugar daddy. \"My romance might not be the only one to come to an untimely end,\" Mary gloats, stopping herself just short of capping her sentence off with a hearty MUAHAHA!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore is still reeling over people having extramarital sex on her duvet cover. But there's no time to deal with her emotions right now cause the schoolteacher drops in to tell Daisy that she passed her tests. Every time a dragged out storyline comes to a close on this show, an angel gets its wings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the family is sitting around tsk tsk-ing about Edith's misfortune. \u003cem>Did the three bubble bubble toil and trouble witches from \u003c/em>Macbeth\u003cem> curse her or something?\u003c/em> they wonder. But don't cry for Edith, Argentina, 'cause turns out her boyfriend is the heir, which means Edith will now outrank all these losers!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is super excited because this news will allow them to be even bigger snobs. Well, almost everyone. Mary's near-stroke reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/2d574a9d28cb629137e8748c0b325025.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20649\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20649\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/2d574a9d28cb629137e8748c0b325025.gif\" alt=\"tantrum mad gif\" width=\"260\" height=\"208\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After six seasons of mockery, Edith a.k.a Jan Brady finally gets the last laugh. Good for her!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lhcrzg15c61qzw6md.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20650\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20650\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lhcrzg15c61qzw6md.gif\" alt=\"jan brady cut hair gif\" width=\"415\" height=\"244\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley tries to be brave and ask for time off so he can become a teacher. Because Thomas hasn't been in this episode yet, Carson sets his bullying crosshairs on Molesley's sweaty little face and says, \"And what makes you think you'll be any good? There are plenty of little boys who want to be famous cricketers. It's not enough to make them champions.\" Ughhh, next time Carson's on a walk, can lightning strike a tree branch, causing it to break and become a giant splinter in his torso?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Robert and Cora talk about Edith's lucky twist of fate. \"For poor old Edith who couldn't make her dolls do what she wanted, it is rather wonderful!\" If I ever re-watch this entire series (I won't), I would like to make a drinking game out of it. Every time someone refers to Edith as \"poor old Edith,\" take a body shot. \u003cstrong>Warning:\u003c/strong> don't try this at home unless you want to puke blood on your dinner companions from a burst liver.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mary and Branson walk around the property, pretending to work. It isn't long before Branson repeats his desperate plea for Mary to marry what's his face: \u003cem>But he’s really cute and likes cars like me and I really need another dude in the family that isn’t Edith’s boring to an Olympic degree boyfriend so just marry him, damn it, marry him for me!!!! \u003c/em>But he adds one thing he didn't mention last week:\u003cem> Oh and yeah, Marigold is totally Edith's real daughter.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Robert and Rosamund fight like only siblings can over whether Edith should tell her boyfriend about Marigold or not:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> You haven't got children. You don't understand these things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rosamund:\u003c/strong> No. I haven't had children, as you so kindly remind me, but I hope I do have a sense of decency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> How long are you planning to stay? Your cold must have cleared by now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/clarissa-explains-it-all.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20653\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20653\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/clarissa-explains-it-all.gif\" alt=\"clarissa-explains-it-all\" width=\"500\" height=\"339\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith and her newly fancy boyfriend interrupt the squabbling. When talking about his dead cousin/employer, he uses coded language that makes me believe the Marquess really could have been perfect for Thomas: \"He was...so \u003cem>delicate\u003c/em>.\" That's 1925 talk for:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/oscar-wilde-reading-gif-clueless.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20654\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20654\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/oscar-wilde-reading-gif-clueless.gif\" alt=\"oscar wilde reading gif clueless\" width=\"500\" height=\"262\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora makes Edith's man cry and he says, \"Goodness. I'm afraid you've made me blub.\" First off, I'm stealing this line for my real life. And second, sure, he's boring, but there's something winningly naive about him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas, who I was about to issue an Amber Alert for, turns up. A potential employer has written to tell him \u003cem>Yeah, no thanks\u003c/em>. He internally screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, Edith's rich boy toy uses more coded language to describe his cousin. He apparently enjoyed watching the young fishermen do their thing. Mmhm. And he was \"lyrical\" and \"an artist.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lldwthXimo1qhuoxao1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20655\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20655\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lldwthXimo1qhuoxao1_400.gif\" alt=\"too gay to function mean girls gif\" width=\"351\" height=\"185\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary interrupts to indecorously grill him about his intentions with Edith. He looks over at Edith and smiles in a way that suggests chocolate dipped strawberries and the kind of extracurricular activities that go on at Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, inside Edith's head, this jam is cranked up at high volume:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk8mm1Qmt-Y\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, over at Patmore's brothel, a paparazzo is stalking her and Mrs. Hughes. And all the Airbnb-ers have cancelled their bookings. A mid-coitus Turkish death, a kidnapping, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, several murders, and \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the big scandal of the century?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the school, the schoolmaster shows up in a graduation cap (zero chill) and introduces Molesley to the kids who will surely eat him alive within the hour. Poor little Piglet doesn't stand a chance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a park bench, Edith and Moneybags talk about how everything has changed for him. He reveals himself to be quite the momma's boy, which is the perfect time for Edith to be like \u003cem>Sooooo....speaking of mommas, I am one! Surprise! \u003c/em>Instead, she goes:\u003cem> Oh. Uh. Erm. Ummm. We should go inside. \u003c/em>DO. NOT. MESS. THIS. UP. EDITH!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later on, the whole family (even the never-there children) are hanging out in the living room when Mary's ex pops in unannounced (Branson's handiwork). Mary is not amused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> I'm afraid you've missed tea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry (I remembered his name!):\u003c/strong> Oh, don't worry about that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> I won't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All right, Mary, it's fine if you don't want to marry the guy, but his best friend just burned to death so chill out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the school, the kids are destroying the last shred of Molesley's dignity right on schedule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary roasts Branson for butting into her business (valid; that layabout definitely needs a hobby). And then it's Henry's turn:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Living in my family house? Working to preserve my estate and being outranked by your own stepson?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20656\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20656\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"damn gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"171\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Henry doesn't even feel that kick in the pants and instead gets kind of sinister, almost stroking Mary's face with a creepy finger, while threatening: \"\u003cspan style=\"line-height: 1.5\">If you're trying to get rid of me, I'm going to make this as hard and as horrible as I can!\" This is all so romantic, isn't it?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone asks Molesley about his first day at school. His response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gifliloleavemealonetodie.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20657\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20657\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gifliloleavemealonetodie.gif\" alt=\"gif lilo leave me alone to die\" width=\"500\" height=\"237\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, after a brief time out, Mary and Henry are fighting on the stairs again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> It just seems rather small to me. Not to marry a man for lack of money is the same as marrying him because of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Out of my way! You push in here, into my home, uninvited, in order to call me a grubby, little gold digger? You've got a nerve!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> Mary! ......... Mary!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary runs upstairs and does that dramatic thing where you close a door and then despair lean all over it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Bates tells Anna, \"She's a bit of a bully, your Lady Mary.\" Takes one to know one, creep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an upstairs hallway, money is acting as an aphrodisiac.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Moneybags:\u003c/strong> Won't you send me to bed happy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> Sounds like an indecent proposal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Steam it up, Edith! Actually, before you do, rip the bandaid off and tell him about Marigold. Come on! You're almost there! That's right!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she misses...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At breakfast the following day, Mary comes down to find that Henry has gone back to London. She instantly gets cranky like a kid whose least favorite toy is missing. Everyone rolls their eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moneybags is about to announce the engagement to Branson and Mary, but Edith is like \u003cem>Nooooooooo \u003c/em>cause she knows that, if Mary is unhappy, she will do whatever she can to make Edith even unhappier. Which is exactly what happens when Mary spills the Marigold secret. Moneybags leaves immediately and Branson thinks \u003cem>Maybe Boston wasn't so bad?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, the older rich people have some fun talking about Patmore's brothel and then decide to help out by being photographed visiting the infamous den of sin. B plot? More like zzzzz-plot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Carson is very upset about Mrs. Patmore dragging the precious Crawleys into the mud by accepting their brothel visit. And it wouldn't be a scene with Carson without some sexist BS falling out of his mouth:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> It's their choice, Mr Carson. They're all grown people, surely?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> Well, I've always known that women were ruthless, but I didn't think I'd find the proof in my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My feelings can be best expressed in the form of this Xena gif:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20660\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20660\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"xena punch gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"387\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Moneybags and Edith are assessing the damage. It's not looking good. He doesn't want to marry someone he doesn't trust so, with a \"Good luck\" and a tip of the hat, he leaves her standing there, all alone on the precipice of the altar, like always. Mary must pay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, Branson lets it riiiiiiiip on Mary, saying everything anyone has ever wanted to say to and about her:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Don't play the innocent with me. Don't lie! Not to me! You can't stop ruining things! For Edith, for yourself! You'd pull in the sky if you could! Anything to make you feel less frightened and alone! You ruined Edith's life today! How many lives are you going to wreck just to smother your misery? You're a coward, Mary. Like all bullies, you're a coward!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20661\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20661\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"mariah cry clap gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hallways, Baxter and Anna are being chummy because they were born straight and don't have too much to worry about. Saddled with tons of gay shame, Thomas sadly walks past them to his room. I'm 99% sure he's about to kill himself. Julian Fellowes, don't you dare.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, it's Edith's turn to unload a lifetime of real talk on Mary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Just shut up! Who do you think you're talking to? Mama? Your maid? I know you! I know you to be a nasty, jealous, scheming bitch! You're a bitch! Not content with ruining your own life, you're determined to ruin mine! Don't demean yourself by trying to justify your venom. Just go. And you're wrong as you so often are. Henry's perfect for you. You're just too stupid and stuck up to see it! Still at least he's got away from you. Which is something to give thanks for, I suppose.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/66f7c99f-3b7f-4b41-a775-4632baaf79f1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20662\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20662\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/66f7c99f-3b7f-4b41-a775-4632baaf79f1.gif\" alt=\"mariah clap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, unaware of all the juiciness going on all over the house, the old rich people tell Mrs. Patmore they want to help her. Carson can't help being a monster:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> I wouldn't like to see this family dragged into a tawdry, local brouhaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> [crying] He means me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert shuts him down. A small victory, but I'm still waiting on a falling branch or a boa constrictor or an exploding ulcer or a dash of arsenic or a very heavy anvil to take care of this problem.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a boring walk, Baxter tries to pep Molesley up for his next match against the ruthless 8-year-olds. That's when Molesley mentions something weird Thomas said about hoping he would make more of his life than Thomas ever did with his. Nooooooo. Baxter runs back to the house, while Molesley keeps derping along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Baxter races around, looking for Thomas. Andy says he went for a bath. Ughhhhhh. They break down the door and, sure enough, Thomas is in a bathtub full of his own blood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/211691_original.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20663\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20663\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/211691_original.gif\" alt=\"mariah cry gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"253\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Daisy decides to...oh, who cares! Thomas might be dead! :-(((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Edith is driving through town and is pretty open to hitting pedestrians, if she has to. Thankfully, she spots Branson before she mows anyone down. They talk about everything but the fact that Thomas might be dead!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is not dead (hallelujah!). Mrs. Hughes, Andy and Baxter work together to get him out of the tub. Baxter says, \"I hate to think he was so unhappy.\" Translation: \u003cem>I hate to think that all the homophobia and intolerance administered by you two and Mr. Carson and, like, everyone else made him want to die. Good work, a-holes.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the school, Daisy eavesdrops on Molesley's lecture, which is basically a Bernie Sanders stump speech. Nut shell: \u003cem>Billionaires aren't better than us. Learning should be accessible to all and should be free and stuff.\u003c/em> Marxist Daisy melts into this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20666\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20666\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"broad city yas queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the family is about to lay into Mary for destroying Edith's life, but Carson interrupts with the Thomas news. Mary doesn't even flinch. Instead, she slowly gets up, walks over to pour some tea and then super casually hurls a grenade into Robert's face: \"Do you still think dismissing Barrow was a useful saving, Papa?\" Ka-blooey! She is hateful, but she's not wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone is pretty much over that whole Thomas-tried-to-take-his-own-life-because-of-us thing. Instead, they talk about how awesome Molesley is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she is feeling like maybe she overdid it a smidge today. Her blind rage is replaced by tail-between-the-legs contrition. Until it switches back to rage again when Anna brings up Henry. Old habits die hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her lady editor bestie briefly process the breakup and then get back to business because Edith has been there done that in the sob-over-a-breakup-and-almost-accidentally-burn-the-house-down department. They have a meeting with Cassandra Jones, their mysterious advice columnist. They vow to say \"bananas\" if they think the real person behind the pseudonym shows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas looks a lot better, as he reads in bed. Mary brings in his only friend in the world, baby George, who gifts him an orange. *chokes back sob*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Thomas bond over how they both have Tourette's and always blurt out the worst, most hateful things, leaving devastation and misery in their wakes. Things could be worse, guys. Y'all could be married to Carson. Or Bates. Or Robert.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson makes Mrs. Patmore feel bad about her brothel again and then brings up how shameful having a \"suicidal footman in the attic\" is. I've run out of clever ways to say that I want this garbage human being dead so I'll just say: It's high time Carson took a bath. (Too soon?)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out front, the Dowager is back from France at Branson's request. Before she can get to work at fixing everything that's gone wrong in her absence, she takes some time to complain about Spratt not being home when she got back. Maybe he went to get some more stamps for his collection or a new magnifying glass. Let him live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson is still mumbling cruel things about Mrs. Patmore bringing scandal upon the house. GET OVER IT. Then this Stockholm Syndrome-y exchange happens. I think it's meant to come off as cute and charming, but I just mourn what Mrs. Hughes could've done with her life, if she hadn't saddled herself with this sexist piece of work:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> You're such an old curmudgeon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> Don't say you're going off me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> No, because you're \u003cem>my \u003c/em>curmudgeon and that makes all the difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yeah, good luck with that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Mary have a heart-to-heart. They agree that being snobby is fun, but that sometimes you have to let it go to make way for some love in your life, even if the guy you like is kinda sorta poor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Robert and Carson take turns quoting Steve Urkel's famed refrain \u003cem>Did I do thaaaaat?\u003c/em> over Thomas' suicide attempt. They vow to be less homophobic in the future, or at least for a few days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith finds out the Cassandra Jones is.....[drumroll please].....Spratt?! LOL. Edith and her editor bestie look at each other and say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-4.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20667\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20667\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"gwen bananas gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"317\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a graveyard, Mary tells Matthew's grave that she's getting married.The grave takes it pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary invites Henry over and they get back together. And he's not messing around; he brought a marriage license and wants to get hitched that weekend. Mary is like \u003cem>Sure, let's stop beating this will-they-won't-they dead horse and gallop off into the sunset on a living one.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward to the wedding day and everyone is getting ready to head to the church. And in comes Edith. Surprise! Being the butt of every joke and being bullied and abandoned at the altar and spurned by burn victim cousins etc. has apparently made Edith super wise and way existential. She spreads these bits of truth in a let's-agree-to-disagree talk with Mary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"I assumed you would be fairly sorry, unless you're actually insane.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"Because you were unhappy, you wanted me to be unhappy, too. Now you're happy again. You'll be nicer...for a while.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"In the end, you're my sister and one day, only we will remember Sybil...or Mama or Papa or Matthew or Michael or Granny or Carson or any of the others who have peopled our youth...until, at last, our shared memories will mean more than our mutual dislike.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Edith is really bringing it home for all the fans who rooted for her over the last six years. Brava!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/3c66593df89a1e418a72dbca059c85fe.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20668\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20668\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/3c66593df89a1e418a72dbca059c85fe.gif\" alt=\"drag queen crying clapping gif\" width=\"252\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary gets married without a hitch (because she didn't ask to borrow one of her mom's coats).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ceremony, Robert, the Dowager and Cora tie the episode up with a neat little bow and tease the next and final piece in the puzzle:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> It seems all our ships are coming into port.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> And Edith?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Of all my children, Edith has given me the most surprises.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Dowager:\u003c/strong> Yes, surprises of the most mixed variety.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> A surprise is a surprise, Mama, and I'm sure we haven't seen the last one yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oooo! The Christmas special is going to be lit!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But we get one last scene first: Edith creepily watching her kid play in a graveyard. Oh, \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, you're so weird and terrible and great. I will miss you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> Are you surprised?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Spratt: \u003c/strong>I love a good side hustle. Good for him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> He's a survivor, he's not gon' give up, he's not gon' stop, he's gon' work harder!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>The Dowager\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> She only needed to be in this episode for 10 minutes to snag second place. Her pep talk about being a snob, but not being stupid was wonderful. So glad the Dowager is immortal and will never ever die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Edith\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The speeches! The cursing! The not giving a hoot about losing a really fancy title and a husband and a happy life! The work ethic! The cool \"bananas\" bit! Hands down, the gold medalist of the penultimate episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "So much happens in this episode and I can't spoil any of it here!",
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"description": "So much happens in this episode and I can't spoil any of it here!",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own | KQED",
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"headline": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 8 Recap: Tears Dry On Their Own",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\" target=\"_blank\">all the straight people got proposed to\u003c/a> and the lonely gay was mercilessly bullied (a nice and neat allegory for most of human history). Will there be a double wedding with you-can't-borrow-my-fancy-coat, no-I-don't-want-my-reception-there drama? Will this episode reveal that Thomas stowed away on the Dowager's south of France-bound ship in search for warmer climes and shirtless boys? Will Carson step on a stair devastated by termites and fall to his death? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a typical overcast day in England, Edith and Cora walk around the grounds with super unnecessary parasols. Cora advises Edith to tell her boyfriend that she's actually Marigold's mom. Edith is like \u003cem>Or! I can keep pretending that she's just a random orphan that follows me around!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in the servants' courtyard, the Sergeant is paying a visit because these people can't not sloppily kill people or get roped into some type of criminal activity for one day. This time, it's Mrs. Patmore's turn to be interrogated. Turns out her Airbnb guests were *pearl clutch* having an affair! And now everyone in town thinks her cute bed and breakfast is a brothel. Mrs. Patmore almost passes out because she's never had sex in her entire life, and the unfairness of some people getting to do it with multiple partners is just too damn much for her equilibrium to take.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert and Rosamund are moving their mouths, but all I can focus on is new puppy Tia'a teething on a wicker basket. Dear \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers, thanks for realizing that the only way I can deal with Robert scenes is if there is a cute baby animal in the frame.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert and Rosamund watch Edith and Cora through a window. \u003cem>Parasols? Really?\u003c/em> is unspoken between them, but understood. They wonder if Edith will get dumped. They decide: statistically, duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, Mary comes out of a shop with a mystery package. More contraceptives? She and Branson notice a newspaper with the headline \"English Marquess Dies in Tangier.\" Please don't let it be Edith's boyfriend's employer who spends all his time painting local Moroccan boys. He's supposed to come back and be Thomas' sugar daddy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ugh, it's him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nnxrjpusMz1tq4of6o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20647\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20647\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nnxrjpusMz1tq4of6o1_500.gif\" alt=\"eyeore too good to be true\" width=\"500\" height=\"216\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' rec room, Anna and Bates are laughing about Mrs. Patmore's predicament. They've replaced sulking and sobbing in the shoe polish room with reveling in others' misery. \u003cem>At least it's not us this time!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In another corner of the room, Terrible Self-Esteem #1 and Terrible Self Esteem #2 (cheat code: Molesley and Baxter) have anxiety about not being good enough, per usual.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Isobel's place, Lord Merton stops by to discuss his son's wedding invite. Why is Isobel bickering with her ex when she could be on Spring Break with the Dowager in France? Merton brings up how nice his son's fiance is and Isobel takes a page out of Mariah's shade book and says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20648\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20648\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her.gif\" alt=\"mariah-carey-i-dont-know-her\" width=\"245\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Carson's office, Mrs. Hughes tells him about Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb brothel. He forbids her to say a word about it to anyone else. Meanwhile, upstairs, Anna is cracking up while spilling all the details to Mary. Why is she so gleefully mean all of a sudden? Is her pregnancy a \u003cem>Rosemary's Baby\u003c/em> type of thing? Bates\u003cem> is\u003c/em> pretty devilish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary changes the subject to another person's misfortune they can mock: Edith's boyfriend's possible unemployment due to the death of Thomas' almost sugar daddy. \"My romance might not be the only one to come to an untimely end,\" Mary gloats, stopping herself just short of capping her sentence off with a hearty MUAHAHA!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore is still reeling over people having extramarital sex on her duvet cover. But there's no time to deal with her emotions right now cause the schoolteacher drops in to tell Daisy that she passed her tests. Every time a dragged out storyline comes to a close on this show, an angel gets its wings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the family is sitting around tsk tsk-ing about Edith's misfortune. \u003cem>Did the three bubble bubble toil and trouble witches from \u003c/em>Macbeth\u003cem> curse her or something?\u003c/em> they wonder. But don't cry for Edith, Argentina, 'cause turns out her boyfriend is the heir, which means Edith will now outrank all these losers!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone is super excited because this news will allow them to be even bigger snobs. Well, almost everyone. Mary's near-stroke reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/2d574a9d28cb629137e8748c0b325025.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20649\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20649\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/2d574a9d28cb629137e8748c0b325025.gif\" alt=\"tantrum mad gif\" width=\"260\" height=\"208\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After six seasons of mockery, Edith a.k.a Jan Brady finally gets the last laugh. Good for her!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lhcrzg15c61qzw6md.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20650\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20650\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lhcrzg15c61qzw6md.gif\" alt=\"jan brady cut hair gif\" width=\"415\" height=\"244\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Molesley tries to be brave and ask for time off so he can become a teacher. Because Thomas hasn't been in this episode yet, Carson sets his bullying crosshairs on Molesley's sweaty little face and says, \"And what makes you think you'll be any good? There are plenty of little boys who want to be famous cricketers. It's not enough to make them champions.\" Ughhh, next time Carson's on a walk, can lightning strike a tree branch, causing it to break and become a giant splinter in his torso?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Robert and Cora talk about Edith's lucky twist of fate. \"For poor old Edith who couldn't make her dolls do what she wanted, it is rather wonderful!\" If I ever re-watch this entire series (I won't), I would like to make a drinking game out of it. Every time someone refers to Edith as \"poor old Edith,\" take a body shot. \u003cstrong>Warning:\u003c/strong> don't try this at home unless you want to puke blood on your dinner companions from a burst liver.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Mary and Branson walk around the property, pretending to work. It isn't long before Branson repeats his desperate plea for Mary to marry what's his face: \u003cem>But he’s really cute and likes cars like me and I really need another dude in the family that isn’t Edith’s boring to an Olympic degree boyfriend so just marry him, damn it, marry him for me!!!! \u003c/em>But he adds one thing he didn't mention last week:\u003cem> Oh and yeah, Marigold is totally Edith's real daughter.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Robert and Rosamund fight like only siblings can over whether Edith should tell her boyfriend about Marigold or not:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> You haven't got children. You don't understand these things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rosamund:\u003c/strong> No. I haven't had children, as you so kindly remind me, but I hope I do have a sense of decency.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> How long are you planning to stay? Your cold must have cleared by now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/clarissa-explains-it-all.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20653\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20653\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/clarissa-explains-it-all.gif\" alt=\"clarissa-explains-it-all\" width=\"500\" height=\"339\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith and her newly fancy boyfriend interrupt the squabbling. When talking about his dead cousin/employer, he uses coded language that makes me believe the Marquess really could have been perfect for Thomas: \"He was...so \u003cem>delicate\u003c/em>.\" That's 1925 talk for:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/oscar-wilde-reading-gif-clueless.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20654\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20654\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/oscar-wilde-reading-gif-clueless.gif\" alt=\"oscar wilde reading gif clueless\" width=\"500\" height=\"262\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cora makes Edith's man cry and he says, \"Goodness. I'm afraid you've made me blub.\" First off, I'm stealing this line for my real life. And second, sure, he's boring, but there's something winningly naive about him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Thomas, who I was about to issue an Amber Alert for, turns up. A potential employer has written to tell him \u003cem>Yeah, no thanks\u003c/em>. He internally screams.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs in the dining room, Edith's rich boy toy uses more coded language to describe his cousin. He apparently enjoyed watching the young fishermen do their thing. Mmhm. And he was \"lyrical\" and \"an artist.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lldwthXimo1qhuoxao1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20655\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20655\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lldwthXimo1qhuoxao1_400.gif\" alt=\"too gay to function mean girls gif\" width=\"351\" height=\"185\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary interrupts to indecorously grill him about his intentions with Edith. He looks over at Edith and smiles in a way that suggests chocolate dipped strawberries and the kind of extracurricular activities that go on at Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, inside Edith's head, this jam is cranked up at high volume:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/xk8mm1Qmt-Y'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/xk8mm1Qmt-Y'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Meanwhile, over at Patmore's brothel, a paparazzo is stalking her and Mrs. Hughes. And all the Airbnb-ers have cancelled their bookings. A mid-coitus Turkish death, a kidnapping, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, several murders, and \u003cem>this\u003c/em> is the big scandal of the century?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the school, the schoolmaster shows up in a graduation cap (zero chill) and introduces Molesley to the kids who will surely eat him alive within the hour. Poor little Piglet doesn't stand a chance.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a park bench, Edith and Moneybags talk about how everything has changed for him. He reveals himself to be quite the momma's boy, which is the perfect time for Edith to be like \u003cem>Sooooo....speaking of mommas, I am one! Surprise! \u003c/em>Instead, she goes:\u003cem> Oh. Uh. Erm. Ummm. We should go inside. \u003c/em>DO. NOT. MESS. THIS. UP. EDITH!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later on, the whole family (even the never-there children) are hanging out in the living room when Mary's ex pops in unannounced (Branson's handiwork). Mary is not amused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> I'm afraid you've missed tea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry (I remembered his name!):\u003c/strong> Oh, don't worry about that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> I won't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All right, Mary, it's fine if you don't want to marry the guy, but his best friend just burned to death so chill out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the school, the kids are destroying the last shred of Molesley's dignity right on schedule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Mary roasts Branson for butting into her business (valid; that layabout definitely needs a hobby). And then it's Henry's turn:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Living in my family house? Working to preserve my estate and being outranked by your own stepson?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20656\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20656\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"damn gif\" width=\"320\" height=\"171\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Henry doesn't even feel that kick in the pants and instead gets kind of sinister, almost stroking Mary's face with a creepy finger, while threatening: \"\u003cspan style=\"line-height: 1.5\">If you're trying to get rid of me, I'm going to make this as hard and as horrible as I can!\" This is all so romantic, isn't it?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone asks Molesley about his first day at school. His response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gifliloleavemealonetodie.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20657\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20657\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gifliloleavemealonetodie.gif\" alt=\"gif lilo leave me alone to die\" width=\"500\" height=\"237\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, after a brief time out, Mary and Henry are fighting on the stairs again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> It just seems rather small to me. Not to marry a man for lack of money is the same as marrying him because of it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Out of my way! You push in here, into my home, uninvited, in order to call me a grubby, little gold digger? You've got a nerve!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Henry:\u003c/strong> Mary! ......... Mary!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary runs upstairs and does that dramatic thing where you close a door and then despair lean all over it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Bates tells Anna, \"She's a bit of a bully, your Lady Mary.\" Takes one to know one, creep.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an upstairs hallway, money is acting as an aphrodisiac.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Moneybags:\u003c/strong> Won't you send me to bed happy?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> Sounds like an indecent proposal.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Steam it up, Edith! Actually, before you do, rip the bandaid off and tell him about Marigold. Come on! You're almost there! That's right!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And she misses...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At breakfast the following day, Mary comes down to find that Henry has gone back to London. She instantly gets cranky like a kid whose least favorite toy is missing. Everyone rolls their eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moneybags is about to announce the engagement to Branson and Mary, but Edith is like \u003cem>Nooooooooo \u003c/em>cause she knows that, if Mary is unhappy, she will do whatever she can to make Edith even unhappier. Which is exactly what happens when Mary spills the Marigold secret. Moneybags leaves immediately and Branson thinks \u003cem>Maybe Boston wasn't so bad?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different room, the older rich people have some fun talking about Patmore's brothel and then decide to help out by being photographed visiting the infamous den of sin. B plot? More like zzzzz-plot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Carson is very upset about Mrs. Patmore dragging the precious Crawleys into the mud by accepting their brothel visit. And it wouldn't be a scene with Carson without some sexist BS falling out of his mouth:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> It's their choice, Mr Carson. They're all grown people, surely?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> Well, I've always known that women were ruthless, but I didn't think I'd find the proof in my own wife!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My feelings can be best expressed in the form of this Xena gif:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-2.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20660\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20660\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"xena punch gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"387\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Moneybags and Edith are assessing the damage. It's not looking good. He doesn't want to marry someone he doesn't trust so, with a \"Good luck\" and a tip of the hat, he leaves her standing there, all alone on the precipice of the altar, like always. Mary must pay.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, Branson lets it riiiiiiiip on Mary, saying everything anyone has ever wanted to say to and about her:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Don't play the innocent with me. Don't lie! Not to me! You can't stop ruining things! For Edith, for yourself! You'd pull in the sky if you could! Anything to make you feel less frightened and alone! You ruined Edith's life today! How many lives are you going to wreck just to smother your misery? You're a coward, Mary. Like all bullies, you're a coward!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20661\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20661\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"mariah cry clap gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' hallways, Baxter and Anna are being chummy because they were born straight and don't have too much to worry about. Saddled with tons of gay shame, Thomas sadly walks past them to his room. I'm 99% sure he's about to kill himself. Julian Fellowes, don't you dare.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, it's Edith's turn to unload a lifetime of real talk on Mary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Just shut up! Who do you think you're talking to? Mama? Your maid? I know you! I know you to be a nasty, jealous, scheming bitch! You're a bitch! Not content with ruining your own life, you're determined to ruin mine! Don't demean yourself by trying to justify your venom. Just go. And you're wrong as you so often are. Henry's perfect for you. You're just too stupid and stuck up to see it! Still at least he's got away from you. Which is something to give thanks for, I suppose.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/66f7c99f-3b7f-4b41-a775-4632baaf79f1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20662\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20662\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/66f7c99f-3b7f-4b41-a775-4632baaf79f1.gif\" alt=\"mariah clap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, unaware of all the juiciness going on all over the house, the old rich people tell Mrs. Patmore they want to help her. Carson can't help being a monster:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> I wouldn't like to see this family dragged into a tawdry, local brouhaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> [crying] He means me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert shuts him down. A small victory, but I'm still waiting on a falling branch or a boa constrictor or an exploding ulcer or a dash of arsenic or a very heavy anvil to take care of this problem.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a boring walk, Baxter tries to pep Molesley up for his next match against the ruthless 8-year-olds. That's when Molesley mentions something weird Thomas said about hoping he would make more of his life than Thomas ever did with his. Nooooooo. Baxter runs back to the house, while Molesley keeps derping along.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Baxter races around, looking for Thomas. Andy says he went for a bath. Ughhhhhh. They break down the door and, sure enough, Thomas is in a bathtub full of his own blood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/211691_original.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20663\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20663\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/211691_original.gif\" alt=\"mariah cry gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"253\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Daisy decides to...oh, who cares! Thomas might be dead! :-(((\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Edith is driving through town and is pretty open to hitting pedestrians, if she has to. Thankfully, she spots Branson before she mows anyone down. They talk about everything but the fact that Thomas might be dead!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas is not dead (hallelujah!). Mrs. Hughes, Andy and Baxter work together to get him out of the tub. Baxter says, \"I hate to think he was so unhappy.\" Translation: \u003cem>I hate to think that all the homophobia and intolerance administered by you two and Mr. Carson and, like, everyone else made him want to die. Good work, a-holes.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the school, Daisy eavesdrops on Molesley's lecture, which is basically a Bernie Sanders stump speech. Nut shell: \u003cem>Billionaires aren't better than us. Learning should be accessible to all and should be free and stuff.\u003c/em> Marxist Daisy melts into this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-3.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20666\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20666\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"broad city yas queen gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the family is about to lay into Mary for destroying Edith's life, but Carson interrupts with the Thomas news. Mary doesn't even flinch. Instead, she slowly gets up, walks over to pour some tea and then super casually hurls a grenade into Robert's face: \"Do you still think dismissing Barrow was a useful saving, Papa?\" Ka-blooey! She is hateful, but she's not wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, everyone is pretty much over that whole Thomas-tried-to-take-his-own-life-because-of-us thing. Instead, they talk about how awesome Molesley is.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she is feeling like maybe she overdid it a smidge today. Her blind rage is replaced by tail-between-the-legs contrition. Until it switches back to rage again when Anna brings up Henry. Old habits die hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith and her lady editor bestie briefly process the breakup and then get back to business because Edith has been there done that in the sob-over-a-breakup-and-almost-accidentally-burn-the-house-down department. They have a meeting with Cassandra Jones, their mysterious advice columnist. They vow to say \"bananas\" if they think the real person behind the pseudonym shows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Thomas looks a lot better, as he reads in bed. Mary brings in his only friend in the world, baby George, who gifts him an orange. *chokes back sob*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Thomas bond over how they both have Tourette's and always blurt out the worst, most hateful things, leaving devastation and misery in their wakes. Things could be worse, guys. Y'all could be married to Carson. Or Bates. Or Robert.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson makes Mrs. Patmore feel bad about her brothel again and then brings up how shameful having a \"suicidal footman in the attic\" is. I've run out of clever ways to say that I want this garbage human being dead so I'll just say: It's high time Carson took a bath. (Too soon?)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out front, the Dowager is back from France at Branson's request. Before she can get to work at fixing everything that's gone wrong in her absence, she takes some time to complain about Spratt not being home when she got back. Maybe he went to get some more stamps for his collection or a new magnifying glass. Let him live!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson is still mumbling cruel things about Mrs. Patmore bringing scandal upon the house. GET OVER IT. Then this Stockholm Syndrome-y exchange happens. I think it's meant to come off as cute and charming, but I just mourn what Mrs. Hughes could've done with her life, if she hadn't saddled herself with this sexist piece of work:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> You're such an old curmudgeon.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> Don't say you're going off me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes:\u003c/strong> No, because you're \u003cem>my \u003c/em>curmudgeon and that makes all the difference.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Yeah, good luck with that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the Dowager and Mary have a heart-to-heart. They agree that being snobby is fun, but that sometimes you have to let it go to make way for some love in your life, even if the guy you like is kinda sorta poor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Robert and Carson take turns quoting Steve Urkel's famed refrain \u003cem>Did I do thaaaaat?\u003c/em> over Thomas' suicide attempt. They vow to be less homophobic in the future, or at least for a few days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the London office, Edith finds out the Cassandra Jones is.....[drumroll please].....Spratt?! LOL. Edith and her editor bestie look at each other and say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-4.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20667\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20667\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"gwen bananas gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"317\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a graveyard, Mary tells Matthew's grave that she's getting married.The grave takes it pretty well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary invites Henry over and they get back together. And he's not messing around; he brought a marriage license and wants to get hitched that weekend. Mary is like \u003cem>Sure, let's stop beating this will-they-won't-they dead horse and gallop off into the sunset on a living one.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward to the wedding day and everyone is getting ready to head to the church. And in comes Edith. Surprise! Being the butt of every joke and being bullied and abandoned at the altar and spurned by burn victim cousins etc. has apparently made Edith super wise and way existential. She spreads these bits of truth in a let's-agree-to-disagree talk with Mary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"I assumed you would be fairly sorry, unless you're actually insane.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"Because you were unhappy, you wanted me to be unhappy, too. Now you're happy again. You'll be nicer...for a while.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>\"In the end, you're my sister and one day, only we will remember Sybil...or Mama or Papa or Matthew or Michael or Granny or Carson or any of the others who have peopled our youth...until, at last, our shared memories will mean more than our mutual dislike.\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Edith is really bringing it home for all the fans who rooted for her over the last six years. Brava!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/3c66593df89a1e418a72dbca059c85fe.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20668\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20668\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/3c66593df89a1e418a72dbca059c85fe.gif\" alt=\"drag queen crying clapping gif\" width=\"252\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary gets married without a hitch (because she didn't ask to borrow one of her mom's coats).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ceremony, Robert, the Dowager and Cora tie the episode up with a neat little bow and tease the next and final piece in the puzzle:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> It seems all our ships are coming into port.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cora:\u003c/strong> And Edith?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> Of all my children, Edith has given me the most surprises.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>The Dowager:\u003c/strong> Yes, surprises of the most mixed variety.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> A surprise is a surprise, Mama, and I'm sure we haven't seen the last one yet.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oooo! The Christmas special is going to be lit!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But we get one last scene first: Edith creepily watching her kid play in a graveyard. Oh, \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, you're so weird and terrible and great. I will miss you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> Are you surprised?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Spratt: \u003c/strong>I love a good side hustle. Good for him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> He's a survivor, he's not gon' give up, he's not gon' stop, he's gon' work harder!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>The Dowager\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> She only needed to be in this episode for 10 minutes to snag second place. Her pep talk about being a snob, but not being stupid was wonderful. So glad the Dowager is immortal and will never ever die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Edith\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The speeches! The cursing! The not giving a hoot about losing a really fancy title and a husband and a happy life! The work ethic! The cool \"bananas\" bit! Hands down, the gold medalist of the penultimate episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/14/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-7-recap-off-to-the-races/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 7 Recap: Off to the Races",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\" target=\"_blank\">Carson bullied\u003c/a> Mrs. Hughes so hard that she's probably considering poisoning his food and bullied Thomas so hard that he sobbed in a rocking chair in the dark all by himself. Will they join forces and take him out at long last? Will a boa constrictor do their dirty work for them, like I hoped for last week? Or will one of Carson's organs self-implode since all the cool old white dudes' innards are doing that these days? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary's one-dimensional future husband is racing cars again. He loses. Edith's curse is working.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton dining room, Robert is out of bed and sitting in a chair (hurrah for those of you who don't hate him for killing Sybil!). He's received an invite from Mary's future hubby to watch him race because that's all he does, other than not make any money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Daisy is no longer Gremlin-level jealous of Mrs. Patmore. Instead, she's excited about Patmore's new bed and breakfast, which will keep her too busy to ever get close to having sex with Daisy's father-in-law, hence the pleasant, non-Gremlin attitude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes in to complain about having to make dinner for Carson again. Just slip in some arsenic and be done with it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's bachelorette pad, she and Isobel are having some serious girl talk about whether Isobel should attend Lord Merton's evil son's wedding. Then they speak of the hospital drama in the past tense! It's finally over!!!! Excuse me while I process this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENJox2UCwEg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Phew! Man, I feel great! So does the Dowager cause she's decided \u003cem>If you can't beat 'em, go on a long vacation so you don't have to see their stupid faces every day. \u003c/em>Hear, hear!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton servants' hall, everyone does that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-really-harshly-to-show-subservience-to-reigning-jerkface-Carson thing. That can't be good for the floors or the chairs. And don't get me started on the noise pollution! (I'm old and hate loud noises, especially when they're in honor of sexist, homophobic picky eaters).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy briefly flirts with Daisy. There is 0.00% chance the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers can make me care about this pairing. Also, hey, Daisy loves books. Why doesn't she teach him how to stop being dyslexic? That'll free Thomas up to focus on someone who isn't disgusted by his very being. Just a thought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Carson fires Thomas without actually firing him again. The sky is blue. And that murderous boa constrictor I keep willing into existence really needs to slither faster and take care of this Carson problem once and for all. I hope Boa complains about how Carson would've tasted better if his skin was crispier and he had been served with lemon and some horseradish on a plate that was just the right temperature, not too hot, not too cold.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert is like \u003cem>Wahhhh, let me go to the race, Cora, pleasepleaseplease! \u003c/em>Cora is like\u003cem> Did you guys hear something?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Thomas is smoking a sad cigarette. Mrs. Hughes comes outside and says \u003cem>Sorry my husband's homophobia is driving you to suicide. Maybe people won't hate you so much at your next job?\u003c/em> So motivational! She should speak at commencement ceremonies!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager wages war on Lord Merton's soon-to-be daughter-in-law. In about two minutes, she eviscerates her with a multi-pronged attack: first she calls out her fake nice BS: \"Nobody's always friendly.\" Then she declares that her fiance should have been \"called out and shot\" for the way he spoke to Isobel last season. Then she calls her out for only wanting Isobel around to care for Lord Merton in his old age so she won't have to. Then she pinpoints exactly what this young woman is after: the estate. \"I expect they'll have to drag you out as you break your fingernails catching at the door case.\" Then she serves up a cute cherry-on-top diss: \"You're a cruel, little Miss, aren't you?\" Brava!!! This is how it's done, people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/fc2m10.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20484\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20484\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/fc2m10.gif\" alt=\"rupaul gif\" width=\"425\" height=\"316\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the servants' hall, everyone is making plans for when the family is away next week, except for Thomas of course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> Everyone has something to do on their free days, except me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> We know what you've got to do, Mr Barrow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, that's it. This boa is a no-show so I'm going to have to take care of this myself.\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/js2-earrings.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20487\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lnvvrbFeKe1qefis1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20486\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20486\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lnvvrbFeKe1qefis1.gif\" alt=\"jerry springer gif\" width=\"364\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora complains about having to go on this car racing road trip. She doesn't understand why Mary is getting her future husband's hopes up; he's just a driver, after all. Robert responds, \u003cem>It's the sex appeal, duh! \u003c/em>Huh. For once, Robert is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she's still trying to look past her crush's whole car obsession thing. Anna combs her hair and says \u003cem>Dealbreaker!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter and Molesley do what they're best at: having a needy, please reassure me-athon:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person A:\u003c/strong> I'm so dumb.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person B:\u003c/strong> No, you're not! I'm the dumb one!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person A:\u003c/strong> No way! You're so smart. I'm ugly though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person B:\u003c/strong> No, you're not! I am!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20488\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20488\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" alt=\"tina fey eyeroll gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy visits Daisy's father-in-law and is still dyslexic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's pad, she's like \u003cem>Peace out, sucka!\u003c/em> in Isobel's face. France, here she comes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Mrs. Patmore shows Mrs. Hughes her new Airbnb or whatever. Then she teases a scheme she has up her sleeve in regards to Carson's dinner. LET IT BE POISON!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith drops in on her OMG-we-were-born-in-the-same-year! new female editor. Said editor wants to hire some advice columnist 'cause she's \"funny.\" Her evidence: a sample column that reads: \"Your husband is losing interest? Well, here's step one. Take a look in the mirror.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20490\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20490\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" alt=\"whitney fake laugh gif\" width=\"235\" height=\"183\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith doesn't mind putting that hilarious bit of woman-blaming into a women's magazine and invites Ms. Editor to come to the races and meet the fam.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later on at Rosamund's house, the Crawley clan reminisce about how awesome it's been to be rich for so long. Good times. Then Mary's soon-to-be husband shows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> It's a bit obvious. Dropping in uninvited after dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>I Forget His Name:\u003c/strong> I hope it is obvious. Obvious that I want to be a part of this family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Don't I have a say in the matter?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Give the coy act a rest, Mary. We all know you'll soon arrive at \u003cem>Eh, I guess we might as well marry each other\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day at the races, everyone oohs and aahs over Edith's editor being a woman. And Mary gets a bit TMI about her bowels: \"My digestive system has packed up completely!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/anigif_enhanced-4279-1408026617-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20492\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20492\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/anigif_enhanced-4279-1408026617-1.gif\" alt=\"taylor swift ew gif\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Yorkshire, a bunch of the servants are kicking it after Molesley and Daisy's exams. Mrs. Patmore forgot the lemonade (day ruined!), but then Thomas shows up with it (day saved!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a shameless move to rev up the dyslexia storyline, the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers create a scenario where Andy is peer pressured to read one of the exam questions aloud ('cause that's a totally plausible situation that happens all the time). Needless to say, it doesn't go well. Thomas reads the exam question for him because he's a gay saint. Andy comes out as a non-reader and tells everyone that Thomas has been giving him reading lessons. Now can everyone start being nice to Thomas?! Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The schoolteacher offers to help Andy learn how to read. Thomas is stoked.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> \"We can go on with...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Random teacher:\u003c/strong> \"Mr Barrow, it might be better if you step back now.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It never ends...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/sad.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20496\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20496\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/sad.gif\" alt=\"sad\" width=\"499\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are home alone. When the cats are away, the mice will...sit on one of the couches for the first time ever, which is really super sad if you think about it. Thomas interrupts and wants in on the fun:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> Can anyone join in?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> No, Mr Barrow, they cannot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! The next time I see Carson in the hallway:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_inline_nna3kzC7UU1sjshpn_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20497\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20497\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_inline_nna3kzC7UU1sjshpn_500.gif\" alt=\"bunheads hair pull gif\" width=\"305\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the race, cars zoom all around and everyone pretends to care. Mary sums up the way I feel about the majority of this season's storylines: \"It feels as if we're trapped in some witch's curse for all eternity.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then there's a big car crash! Everyone rushes over to see who's dead. Mary is running on pure adrenaline and PTSD. At the scene, Mary's future husband is battling flames to get his friend out from under the burning car. No dice. He is dragged away, screaming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith arrive and keep asking who's dead. Edith's new boyfriend reaaaaally draaaaags iiiit ouuuut before saying \u003cem>Oh, it's only Mary's future husband.......'s bestie!\u003c/em> Mary and Edith are like \u003cem>Phew! Yay! Anyway!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary's beau is distraught and covered in ash. He tells Mary he feels bad because he talked smack about his dead bestie's driving skills and that's probably why he crashed. Mary is like \u003cem>Nah, he's just bad at driving like my dead husband. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Mary tells him Rosamund isn't cancelling dinner because no one really knows or cares about dead bestie. Mary leaves without touching her future husband cause he's really dirty and she's wearing a pristine eggshell number.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the teacher has come to tell Molesley that he's surprisingly smart, despite the fact that he can't ever do anything right, and offers him a teaching position. Molesley a.k.a. Piglet has difficulty processing all his emotions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Piglet_Vacation.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20498\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20498\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Piglet_Vacation.gif\" alt=\"Piglet_Vacation\" width=\"603\" height=\"340\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone moves to another room to celebrate Molesley's ascendance out of service. Thomas sits alone, watching the merriment from another room. *lip tremble*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson cottage, Mrs. Hughes fakes an injury so she can get out of making dinner for her ungrateful, hateful husband. You see, a normal, empathetic person would be concerned about said injury and ask if they can do anything to help. Carson is not a normal, empathetic person: \"But how are you going to cook?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes is like\u003cem> I'm not, jerkface. You are!\u003c/em> And then starts ordering him around the kitchen. Yay, passive aggressive lessons in humility!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, the family is having a gloomy, awkward dinner. Robert breaks the silence with this: \"It was a bloody awful business. A bloody, bloody awful business.\" Everyone thinks of that bloody, bloody Sunday when he puked blood on everyone and everything. Aunt Rosamund tries to lighten the mood by calling out his overuse of the word, to which Robert gets crazy aggro and tells her to shut up. The men in this show, I swear...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary's future husband calls. He wants to take the \"future\" out of his title and just be her husband for real. She is not having it and breaks up with him over the phone (so modern!), while Branson creepily eavesdrops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After she hangs up, Branson takes Mary by the shoulders and stops just short of shaking her while screaming \u003cem>But he's really cute and likes cars like me and I really need another dude in the family that isn't Edith's boring to an Olympic degree boyfriend so just marry him, damn it, marry him for me!!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Carson cottage, Carson sucks at cooking and Mrs. Hughes is nice about it because she's not a sociopath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Mrs. Patmore gives Daisy a lesson: \u003cem>Stop being a jealous little Gremlin over your father-in-law because love isn't finite and just 'cause he's probably going to take my virginity doesn't mean he loves you any less. We cool?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the cottage, Carson falls asleep at the table because being a woman is hard. But he better wake up 'cause there are dishes that need to be washed. Muahaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Olympic Bore proposes to Edith because they've hung out, like, 5 times so it's long overdue by the Crawley standards. Edith is like \u003cem>Probably yes, but can I bring Marigold?\u003c/em> He's like \u003cem>Who?\u003c/em> Edith replies, \u003cem>You know, that random orphaned child we creepily watched sleep the other night. I'm definitely not her mom, but I think she's kinda cute so can we keep her? \u003c/em>He's like\u003cem> Ummm you're being really weird, but okay. It's not like rich people ever hang out with their children anyway. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Edith says she'll have to give him a definite answer later and expresses some accurate self-awareness for once: \"I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but I must.\" It's as though she's read all my recaps that make fun of her for being an amalgamation of Jan Brady and Debbie Downer!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_m3zjc4JmYs1qh0b3jo4_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20500\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20500\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_m3zjc4JmYs1qh0b3jo4_250.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"140\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb, things are going really well. But when she leaves to get to work, some random dude in a bush takes notes about her. Maybe her landlord doesn't allow sublets?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Downton, the family returns from London to find that the Dowager has sent Isobel with news of her sojourn and Spratt with a super secret present. The family goes down to the servants' hall to find out what it is. Please let it be a puppy. Please let it be a puppy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20512\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20512\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo1_500.gif\" alt=\"downton abbey robert puppy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>IT'S A PUPPY!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo3_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20513\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20513\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo3_500.gif\" alt=\"robert downton abbey puppy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert names her Tia'a.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> \"I thought we always had names from ancient Egypt.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"Tia'a was a wife of Amenhotep II and the mother of Thutmose IV. Don't you know anything?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rude! Someone take back the puppy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I should just rename this award The Carson Medal of Dishonor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Molesley\u003cem>:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Congrats to him for being able to read...unlike some people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> He's still hanging in there. Someone make out with him or give him a piggy back ride, for Christ's sake!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> Her Airbnb is bringing in the bucks and she even found time to come up with a feminist reckoning strategy to make Carson shut up about how much he hates everything women cook for him. Well done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> The Dowager\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The classy south of France solo trip and that smackdown she delivered to Lord Merton's future daughter-in-law were enough to get her to #1, but the puppy really sealed the deal. She spoils us with her greatness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\" target=\"_blank\">Carson bullied\u003c/a> Mrs. Hughes so hard that she's probably considering poisoning his food and bullied Thomas so hard that he sobbed in a rocking chair in the dark all by himself. Will they join forces and take him out at long last? Will a boa constrictor do their dirty work for them, like I hoped for last week? Or will one of Carson's organs self-implode since all the cool old white dudes' innards are doing that these days? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary's one-dimensional future husband is racing cars again. He loses. Edith's curse is working.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton dining room, Robert is out of bed and sitting in a chair (hurrah for those of you who don't hate him for killing Sybil!). He's received an invite from Mary's future hubby to watch him race because that's all he does, other than not make any money.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Daisy is no longer Gremlin-level jealous of Mrs. Patmore. Instead, she's excited about Patmore's new bed and breakfast, which will keep her too busy to ever get close to having sex with Daisy's father-in-law, hence the pleasant, non-Gremlin attitude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes in to complain about having to make dinner for Carson again. Just slip in some arsenic and be done with it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Dowager's bachelorette pad, she and Isobel are having some serious girl talk about whether Isobel should attend Lord Merton's evil son's wedding. Then they speak of the hospital drama in the past tense! It's finally over!!!! Excuse me while I process this:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/ENJox2UCwEg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/ENJox2UCwEg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Phew! Man, I feel great! So does the Dowager cause she's decided \u003cem>If you can't beat 'em, go on a long vacation so you don't have to see their stupid faces every day. \u003c/em>Hear, hear!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton servants' hall, everyone does that annoying stand-up-really-suddenly-and-scrape-the-chair-really-harshly-to-show-subservience-to-reigning-jerkface-Carson thing. That can't be good for the floors or the chairs. And don't get me started on the noise pollution! (I'm old and hate loud noises, especially when they're in honor of sexist, homophobic picky eaters).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy briefly flirts with Daisy. There is 0.00% chance the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers can make me care about this pairing. Also, hey, Daisy loves books. Why doesn't she teach him how to stop being dyslexic? That'll free Thomas up to focus on someone who isn't disgusted by his very being. Just a thought!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Carson fires Thomas without actually firing him again. The sky is blue. And that murderous boa constrictor I keep willing into existence really needs to slither faster and take care of this Carson problem once and for all. I hope Boa complains about how Carson would've tasted better if his skin was crispier and he had been served with lemon and some horseradish on a plate that was just the right temperature, not too hot, not too cold.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Robert is like \u003cem>Wahhhh, let me go to the race, Cora, pleasepleaseplease! \u003c/em>Cora is like\u003cem> Did you guys hear something?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Thomas is smoking a sad cigarette. Mrs. Hughes comes outside and says \u003cem>Sorry my husband's homophobia is driving you to suicide. Maybe people won't hate you so much at your next job?\u003c/em> So motivational! She should speak at commencement ceremonies!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager wages war on Lord Merton's soon-to-be daughter-in-law. In about two minutes, she eviscerates her with a multi-pronged attack: first she calls out her fake nice BS: \"Nobody's always friendly.\" Then she declares that her fiance should have been \"called out and shot\" for the way he spoke to Isobel last season. Then she calls her out for only wanting Isobel around to care for Lord Merton in his old age so she won't have to. Then she pinpoints exactly what this young woman is after: the estate. \"I expect they'll have to drag you out as you break your fingernails catching at the door case.\" Then she serves up a cute cherry-on-top diss: \"You're a cruel, little Miss, aren't you?\" Brava!!! This is how it's done, people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/fc2m10.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20484\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20484\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/fc2m10.gif\" alt=\"rupaul gif\" width=\"425\" height=\"316\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the servants' hall, everyone is making plans for when the family is away next week, except for Thomas of course.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> Everyone has something to do on their free days, except me.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> We know what you've got to do, Mr Barrow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, that's it. This boa is a no-show so I'm going to have to take care of this myself.\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/js2-earrings.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20487\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lnvvrbFeKe1qefis1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20486\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20486\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lnvvrbFeKe1qefis1.gif\" alt=\"jerry springer gif\" width=\"364\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Cora complains about having to go on this car racing road trip. She doesn't understand why Mary is getting her future husband's hopes up; he's just a driver, after all. Robert responds, \u003cem>It's the sex appeal, duh! \u003c/em>Huh. For once, Robert is right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's room, she's still trying to look past her crush's whole car obsession thing. Anna combs her hair and says \u003cem>Dealbreaker!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Baxter and Molesley do what they're best at: having a needy, please reassure me-athon:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person A:\u003c/strong> I'm so dumb.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person B:\u003c/strong> No, you're not! I'm the dumb one!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person A:\u003c/strong> No way! You're so smart. I'm ugly though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Person B:\u003c/strong> No, you're not! I am!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20488\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20488\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" alt=\"tina fey eyeroll gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy visits Daisy's father-in-law and is still dyslexic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Dowager's pad, she's like \u003cem>Peace out, sucka!\u003c/em> in Isobel's face. France, here she comes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Mrs. Patmore shows Mrs. Hughes her new Airbnb or whatever. Then she teases a scheme she has up her sleeve in regards to Carson's dinner. LET IT BE POISON!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Edith drops in on her OMG-we-were-born-in-the-same-year! new female editor. Said editor wants to hire some advice columnist 'cause she's \"funny.\" Her evidence: a sample column that reads: \"Your husband is losing interest? Well, here's step one. Take a look in the mirror.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20490\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20490\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" alt=\"whitney fake laugh gif\" width=\"235\" height=\"183\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith doesn't mind putting that hilarious bit of woman-blaming into a women's magazine and invites Ms. Editor to come to the races and meet the fam.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later on at Rosamund's house, the Crawley clan reminisce about how awesome it's been to be rich for so long. Good times. Then Mary's soon-to-be husband shows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> It's a bit obvious. Dropping in uninvited after dinner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>I Forget His Name:\u003c/strong> I hope it is obvious. Obvious that I want to be a part of this family.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Don't I have a say in the matter?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Give the coy act a rest, Mary. We all know you'll soon arrive at \u003cem>Eh, I guess we might as well marry each other\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day at the races, everyone oohs and aahs over Edith's editor being a woman. And Mary gets a bit TMI about her bowels: \"My digestive system has packed up completely!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/anigif_enhanced-4279-1408026617-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20492\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20492\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/anigif_enhanced-4279-1408026617-1.gif\" alt=\"taylor swift ew gif\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Yorkshire, a bunch of the servants are kicking it after Molesley and Daisy's exams. Mrs. Patmore forgot the lemonade (day ruined!), but then Thomas shows up with it (day saved!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a shameless move to rev up the dyslexia storyline, the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers create a scenario where Andy is peer pressured to read one of the exam questions aloud ('cause that's a totally plausible situation that happens all the time). Needless to say, it doesn't go well. Thomas reads the exam question for him because he's a gay saint. Andy comes out as a non-reader and tells everyone that Thomas has been giving him reading lessons. Now can everyone start being nice to Thomas?! Thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The schoolteacher offers to help Andy learn how to read. Thomas is stoked.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> \"We can go on with...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Random teacher:\u003c/strong> \"Mr Barrow, it might be better if you step back now.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It never ends...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/sad.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20496\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20496\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/sad.gif\" alt=\"sad\" width=\"499\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are home alone. When the cats are away, the mice will...sit on one of the couches for the first time ever, which is really super sad if you think about it. Thomas interrupts and wants in on the fun:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> Can anyone join in?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson:\u003c/strong> No, Mr Barrow, they cannot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! The next time I see Carson in the hallway:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_inline_nna3kzC7UU1sjshpn_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20497\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20497\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_inline_nna3kzC7UU1sjshpn_500.gif\" alt=\"bunheads hair pull gif\" width=\"305\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the race, cars zoom all around and everyone pretends to care. Mary sums up the way I feel about the majority of this season's storylines: \"It feels as if we're trapped in some witch's curse for all eternity.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then there's a big car crash! Everyone rushes over to see who's dead. Mary is running on pure adrenaline and PTSD. At the scene, Mary's future husband is battling flames to get his friend out from under the burning car. No dice. He is dragged away, screaming.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mary and Edith arrive and keep asking who's dead. Edith's new boyfriend reaaaaally draaaaags iiiit ouuuut before saying \u003cem>Oh, it's only Mary's future husband.......'s bestie!\u003c/em> Mary and Edith are like \u003cem>Phew! Yay! Anyway!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary's beau is distraught and covered in ash. He tells Mary he feels bad because he talked smack about his dead bestie's driving skills and that's probably why he crashed. Mary is like \u003cem>Nah, he's just bad at driving like my dead husband. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Mary tells him Rosamund isn't cancelling dinner because no one really knows or cares about dead bestie. Mary leaves without touching her future husband cause he's really dirty and she's wearing a pristine eggshell number.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, the teacher has come to tell Molesley that he's surprisingly smart, despite the fact that he can't ever do anything right, and offers him a teaching position. Molesley a.k.a. Piglet has difficulty processing all his emotions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Piglet_Vacation.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20498\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20498\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Piglet_Vacation.gif\" alt=\"Piglet_Vacation\" width=\"603\" height=\"340\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone moves to another room to celebrate Molesley's ascendance out of service. Thomas sits alone, watching the merriment from another room. *lip tremble*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Carson cottage, Mrs. Hughes fakes an injury so she can get out of making dinner for her ungrateful, hateful husband. You see, a normal, empathetic person would be concerned about said injury and ask if they can do anything to help. Carson is not a normal, empathetic person: \"But how are you going to cook?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes is like\u003cem> I'm not, jerkface. You are!\u003c/em> And then starts ordering him around the kitchen. Yay, passive aggressive lessons in humility!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, the family is having a gloomy, awkward dinner. Robert breaks the silence with this: \"It was a bloody awful business. A bloody, bloody awful business.\" Everyone thinks of that bloody, bloody Sunday when he puked blood on everyone and everything. Aunt Rosamund tries to lighten the mood by calling out his overuse of the word, to which Robert gets crazy aggro and tells her to shut up. The men in this show, I swear...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Mary's future husband calls. He wants to take the \"future\" out of his title and just be her husband for real. She is not having it and breaks up with him over the phone (so modern!), while Branson creepily eavesdrops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After she hangs up, Branson takes Mary by the shoulders and stops just short of shaking her while screaming \u003cem>But he's really cute and likes cars like me and I really need another dude in the family that isn't Edith's boring to an Olympic degree boyfriend so just marry him, damn it, marry him for me!!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Carson cottage, Carson sucks at cooking and Mrs. Hughes is nice about it because she's not a sociopath.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, Mrs. Patmore gives Daisy a lesson: \u003cem>Stop being a jealous little Gremlin over your father-in-law because love isn't finite and just 'cause he's probably going to take my virginity doesn't mean he loves you any less. We cool?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the cottage, Carson falls asleep at the table because being a woman is hard. But he better wake up 'cause there are dishes that need to be washed. Muahaha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Olympic Bore proposes to Edith because they've hung out, like, 5 times so it's long overdue by the Crawley standards. Edith is like \u003cem>Probably yes, but can I bring Marigold?\u003c/em> He's like \u003cem>Who?\u003c/em> Edith replies, \u003cem>You know, that random orphaned child we creepily watched sleep the other night. I'm definitely not her mom, but I think she's kinda cute so can we keep her? \u003c/em>He's like\u003cem> Ummm you're being really weird, but okay. It's not like rich people ever hang out with their children anyway. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then Edith says she'll have to give him a definite answer later and expresses some accurate self-awareness for once: \"I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but I must.\" It's as though she's read all my recaps that make fun of her for being an amalgamation of Jan Brady and Debbie Downer!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_m3zjc4JmYs1qh0b3jo4_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20500\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20500\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_m3zjc4JmYs1qh0b3jo4_250.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"140\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Mrs. Patmore's Airbnb, things are going really well. But when she leaves to get to work, some random dude in a bush takes notes about her. Maybe her landlord doesn't allow sublets?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Downton, the family returns from London to find that the Dowager has sent Isobel with news of her sojourn and Spratt with a super secret present. The family goes down to the servants' hall to find out what it is. Please let it be a puppy. Please let it be a puppy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20512\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20512\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo1_500.gif\" alt=\"downton abbey robert puppy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>IT'S A PUPPY!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo3_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20513\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20513\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nx5rzqqCFn1t29r5eo3_500.gif\" alt=\"robert downton abbey puppy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert names her Tia'a.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> \"I thought we always had names from ancient Egypt.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert:\u003c/strong> \"Tia'a was a wife of Amenhotep II and the mother of Thutmose IV. Don't you know anything?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rude! Someone take back the puppy!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I should just rename this award The Carson Medal of Dishonor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Molesley\u003cem>:\u003c/em>\u003c/strong> Congrats to him for being able to read...unlike some people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Thomas\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> He's still hanging in there. Someone make out with him or give him a piggy back ride, for Christ's sake!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Patmore:\u003c/strong> Her Airbnb is bringing in the bucks and she even found time to come up with a feminist reckoning strategy to make Carson shut up about how much he hates everything women cook for him. Well done!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> The Dowager\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The classy south of France solo trip and that smackdown she delivered to Lord Merton's future daughter-in-law were enough to get her to #1, but the puppy really sealed the deal. She spoils us with her greatness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/02/08/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-6-recap-i-get-so-lonely/\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely",
"title": "'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 6 Recap: I Get So Lonely",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">Robert puked blood all over everyone and everything\u003c/a>. Will they ever get the stains out of the carpet? Will the hospital storyline finally die, like Robert should have? Will I be nicer to him now that he's been through such a traumatic experience? Nope to the latter and only one way to find out about the other two! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is back from his death bed and grumpy as ever. He doesn't want people coming in and gawking at all of his toys during a charity open house at Downton. Cora tells him to get over it, which is ironic because she, of all people, should be able to sympathize with not wanting people to ever touch your stuff. #WeddingCoat-gate #NeverForget\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's very obvious that, when Robert puked blood in her face, there was a small secret part of her that exclaimed: \u003cem>Ah, at last he croaks and I am free to go get my groove back in Jamaica!\u003c/em> Sorry, Cora, no hot boy toy for you, I'm afraid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson echoes Robert's out-of-touch, irritable white dude complaints about the open house. Daisy says something Marxist that for once has nothing to do with her father-in-law (hallelujah). And Molesley is paranoid that the commoners who get to see the Abbey's opulence will start to question why the Crawleys have everything while others have nothing. Thomas thinks that's a good question. Carson, who becomes more hatable by the word, bullies him for speaking: \"How is your job search going, Mr Barrow?\" Does Downton have an HR department? This is a hostile work environment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager seems playful and/or drunk. She casually eats snacks, while making fun of poor people and teasing Isobel over her former boyfriend Lord Merton. It's like the good ol' days before the stupid hospital drama. Keep pouring that whiskey into her tea, Denker!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Edith (a.k.a. Jan Brady) tells the family about her new boo, George Glass. Mary (a.k.a. Marcia Brady) challenges her because the Aw-my-sister-had-to-give-birth-in-secret-to-a-dead-man's-baby empathy from last episode has worn off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Is he worth it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20340\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20340\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif no\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif 250w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith: \u003c/strong>As opposed to your car mechanic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20341\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20341\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" alt=\"marcia nose gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith finally landed a comeback! A well-earned hair flip is in order.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20343\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20343\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" alt=\"jan brady happy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"290\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Daisy's father-in-law's place (a.k.a. Chez Marigold's Kidnapper), Daisy puts up a portrait of her husband-for-four-seconds and pretends she didn't treat him like dirt when he was alive. Her father-in-law gives her a letter to give to Mrs. Patmore and Daisy irrationally fills with jealous rage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson peer pressures Robert to drink wine out of a flask. The absurdity of that sentence proves that \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> should have probably ended a year or two ago. Carson and Robert talk about how much they hate Thomas and wish he would die or get another job or something. Then they take turns complaining about the open house. Every scene with these two is like a prequel to \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://lemerg.com/data/wallpapers/21/961636.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">Grumpy Old Men\u003c/a>\u003c/em> or an unfunny Statler and Waldorf bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20345\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20345\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" alt=\"statler and waldorf\" width=\"349\" height=\"199\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore finds her letter from Daisy's father-in-law in the trash. Daisy is totally going to flunk her exam, if this bit of sabotage is any indication of her intelligence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter tells Cora that the man she was supposed to testify against got 10 years in prison. Cora is like \u003cem>Cool, now I can go back to not caring about your personal life.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are on a miserable walk. On top of ridiculing her cooking last week, Carson now also has a problem with how Mrs. Hughes makes coffee, polishes the silver and makes the bed. Puke blood in his face, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna tells Mary she needs to see a doctor again. Mary is like \u003cem>Yay, I get to party with a hot boy in London! Uh, I mean, sorry about your problematic pregnancy. I hope you're okay.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, there's more news on the boring hospital merger front. York \u003cem>will\u003c/em> take over the hospital and they're pushing the Dowager out and replacing her with Cora. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7HJH0IH3dc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Mary tells Branson about her plans to hang out at a spot called the Criterion with Evelyn Napier (the guy she friend-zoned / best friend of the dead Turk). Edith swoops in with a Debbie Downer remembrance of her dead boyfriend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I used to go to the Criterion with Michael.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20347\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20347\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you have to put a damper on every restaurant in the capital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Point for Mary, which ties the score (remember the car mechanic dig from earlier?). But wait, there's more!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Edith, you can manage for a day without us, can't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I can manage without \u003cem>you\u003c/em> for as long as you want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith is getting the hang of this! 2-1.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson:\u003c/strong> Why don't you come with us?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> And watch Mary flirt with her oily driver? No thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gross classism aside, Edith is killing it. She's finally had it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20348\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Thomas is giving George another random piggy back ride. When Mary shows up, George explains that he was cheering Thomas up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you need cheering up, Barrow?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> We all need it sometimes, m'lady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20349\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20349\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" alt=\"Don't_make_me_cry\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is bored out of his mind in bed, wishing the same thing Cora and I do: that he was dead. Mary stops by to ask if he knows why Thomas is sad. Robert is like \u003cem>Carson and I hate gays and want him to leave.\u003c/em> Mary is like \u003cem>Oh, okay\u003c/em>. Glad she got that cleared up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates makes a huge deal about Anna going away for the evening. Even when he says sweet things, they come across as scary and controlling: \"I miss you when you're out of sight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson gleefully tells Thomas how useless he is and basically fires him. He stops short of clapping while shouting Yipee! I advise Thomas to do the same thing I advised Mrs. Hughes to do earlier: Puke blood in his face!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes by and Carson reminds her again that she sucks at everything and could really use some training in cooking from Mrs. Patmore. Ughhh! I hope Carson nods off after drinking his flask wine and a boa constrictor slithers into his room and devours him super slowly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the schoolhouse, a teacher gives Molesley props for caring about Daisy's education and wonders if he might want to work at the school in some capacity. Molesley reacts like Piglet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20350\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20350\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" alt=\"piglet anxiety gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Carson continues being the worst:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson [to Mrs. Hughes]:\u003c/strong> \"I'm expecting a delicious dinner prepared by the fair hands of my beautiful wife.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Seriously, Mrs. Hughes, annulment, look it up in one of Daisy's books.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Thomas and Andy try to decide whose room they'll meet up in later. Unfortunately, they're not talking about hooking up. It's just to teach dyslexic Andy how to read books about pigs. Sigh. Mrs. Patmore overhears and assumes they're going to make sweet love to each other. In an alternate universe where the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers know what they're doing, that is what's really going on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary gives Anna a hard time for being late to dress her. Anna explains that she had to take a freakin' bus and also had to, you know, figure out if her baby is going to live or not (thanks for asking, Mary!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Cora is all excited about her new position at the hospital. Robert condescendingly explains that she shouldn't worry her little head with work and should just stay home and serve no purpose like him. When the boa finishes with Carson, he should slither upstairs and take care of Robert too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary meets up with a bunch of her boo's friends. She doesn't exactly make the best first impression. \"A table of singletons at our age, well done.\" One of the girls at the table explains that they're war widows. Mary is like\u003cem> I'm not. My husband just sucked at driving.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Carson cottage, it's dinner time a.k.a. let-me-ridicule-my-new-wife-incessantly-until-she-stabs-me-dead o'clock. Carson wishes Mrs. Hughes hadn't forgotten the lemon for his salmon. He also wishes she would've whipped up some horseradish, thinned with a little sour cream. And the skin on the duck better be crispy! Oh, and Mrs. Hughes isn't allowed to drink anymore out of respect for Robert's combustible ulcer. Yikes. If I were Hughes, I would knock the dinner onto the floor, call up alcoholic Denker and spend all night doing this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20355\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20355\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" alt=\"amy wine gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary goes on a walk with her new man and they go from 0 to make out in the rain and say I love you for the first time. They even negotiate how often Mary will visit the racetrack to watch him drive around when they're married. I get that we're in the final few episodes and need to move things along, but come on now, these two have hung out like four times in their lives. I have a more robust relationship with the guy who owns the corner store near my house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Mary gets home, she drinks whiskey (my kind of girl!) and kicks it with Branson who never seems to do much of anything these days. From revolutionary chauffeur to neutered layabout. Sybil's death really messed everything up. Anyway, Mary slings some mud in Edith's direction, who's not even around, by calling her new boyfriend \"boring to an Olympic degree,\" because she's drunk and crapping all over Edith is fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a distant part of Yorkshire, Olympic bore himself walks along the road with a bunch of luggage because Edith sucks at life and couldn't get her car to start. They both seem like bad kissers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel's place, Lord Merton shows up with his nasty son's new fiance. She's explains that she's an Isobel groupie and apologizes for being engaged to a monster. Operation Win Her Back Before the Christmas Special is in full effect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the servants talk about Daisy's imminent test. Daisy is excited in a cute baby Gizmo type of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20352\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20352\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"gizmo gif\" width=\"474\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But then Mrs. Patmore mentions Daisy's father-in-law and Daisy transforms into a crazy jealous Gremlin freak.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20353\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20353\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" alt=\"gremlins\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore vows to contact him anyway because she doesn't want to be a virgin on her death bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith decides a third date is as good a time as any to introduce her new boyfriend to her sleeping super secret daughter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law shows up to give Mrs. Patmore some I-secretly-love-you vegetables. Daisy is not pleased:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20354\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20354\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"gremlins slap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Olympic bore coaches the family on how to host a proper open house. Damn, Mary was right; I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> bored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mr. Carson similarly bores everyone with open house talk. He also manages to insult Daisy's appearance by reminding her to \"look presentable.\" Ugh, where is that boa?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Mary tells Branson she's going to get over the fact that her husband died in a car crash and start liking cars again so that her new boo will keep liking her. Good for her, I guess?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Robert tells Cora that Edith's new dude doesn't have any prospects. Cora replies, \"What are Edith's prospects?\" Ouch, mama! But I guess she's right; beggars who are willing to date their burn victim cousin can't be choosers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a hallway downstairs, Carson catches Andy coming out of Thomas' bedroom. The music turns sinister and gay panic ensues, just in case you forgot that, on top of all his other awful qualities, Carson is also relentlessly homophobic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, the riff raff arrive to gawk at the Abbey. They have a lot of questions about architects and painters and Cora, Edith and Mary don't know anything about anything. The poor people are like \u003cem>Ew, read a book\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager swoops in and has the best crowd control skills: making a disgusted face until people move out of the way. She finds Cora and makes a scene over being pushed out of the hospital. She doesn't want to see Cora's face again until she becomes \"used to having a traitor in the family.\" Despite this storyline being so very tired, this freakout works because of Maggie Smith. She is really too good for this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random village boy shows up in Robert's room and they have a conversation about how annoying moms can be and why people live in big houses. The boy seems smarter than Robert, which isn't that hard of a feat actually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore takes Carson aside to air out her concerns that Andy is being converted into a gay by Thomas. I'm running out of people I can stand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Lord Merton is still trotting out his future daughter-in-law in a bid to make everyone forget that his sons wanted Isobel dead. It will probably work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson corners Thomas and tries to get him to confess to seducing Andy. Thomas denies it and asks if, after all these years, his word is still not good enough. Carson says nope. And then Denker and Mrs. Hughes, drunk out of their gourds, jump out of nowhere and set Carson on fire. What? A boy can dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk talk about how their way of life has become like \"a fat lady in the circus.\" Mary vows to stay in the house forever and ever. Yeah, good luck with that, poor oily driver lover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dark, all alone, Thomas sits in a rocking chair and weeps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20364\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20364\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" alt=\"oprah gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I hope one of his organs blows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> She landed some good punches, got to kiss a boy, and no one kidnapped her baby. A good week, all in all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> The fact that she hasn't poisoned Carson yet is truly astounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> She drank some whiskey, made out in the rain and wore a cool headband. Is there more to life than that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Thomas\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>Someday, someone will give him a piggy back ride. Actually, probably not. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/03/downton-abbey-season-6-premiere-recap-lets-talk-about-sex/\" target=\"_blank\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Premiere Recap: Let’s Talk About Sex\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>It’s been a week since \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">Robert puked blood all over everyone and everything\u003c/a>. Will they ever get the stains out of the carpet? Will the hospital storyline finally die, like Robert should have? Will I be nicer to him now that he's been through such a traumatic experience? Nope to the latter and only one way to find out about the other two! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is back from his death bed and grumpy as ever. He doesn't want people coming in and gawking at all of his toys during a charity open house at Downton. Cora tells him to get over it, which is ironic because she, of all people, should be able to sympathize with not wanting people to ever touch your stuff. #WeddingCoat-gate #NeverForget\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's very obvious that, when Robert puked blood in her face, there was a small secret part of her that exclaimed: \u003cem>Ah, at last he croaks and I am free to go get my groove back in Jamaica!\u003c/em> Sorry, Cora, no hot boy toy for you, I'm afraid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson echoes Robert's out-of-touch, irritable white dude complaints about the open house. Daisy says something Marxist that for once has nothing to do with her father-in-law (hallelujah). And Molesley is paranoid that the commoners who get to see the Abbey's opulence will start to question why the Crawleys have everything while others have nothing. Thomas thinks that's a good question. Carson, who becomes more hatable by the word, bullies him for speaking: \"How is your job search going, Mr Barrow?\" Does Downton have an HR department? This is a hostile work environment!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, the Dowager seems playful and/or drunk. She casually eats snacks, while making fun of poor people and teasing Isobel over her former boyfriend Lord Merton. It's like the good ol' days before the stupid hospital drama. Keep pouring that whiskey into her tea, Denker!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Edith (a.k.a. Jan Brady) tells the family about her new boo, George Glass. Mary (a.k.a. Marcia Brady) challenges her because the Aw-my-sister-had-to-give-birth-in-secret-to-a-dead-man's-baby empathy from last episode has worn off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Is he worth it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20340\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20340\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif\" alt=\"marcia gif no\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250.gif 250w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nn2sv3bIhB1u4kot1o1_250-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith: \u003c/strong>As opposed to your car mechanic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20341\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20341\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lzak3iZlCi1qb9pa3o1_500.gif\" alt=\"marcia nose gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith finally landed a comeback! A well-earned hair flip is in order.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20343\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20343\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_lt70zrRTh51r3mvy4o1_500.gif\" alt=\"jan brady happy gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"290\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Daisy's father-in-law's place (a.k.a. Chez Marigold's Kidnapper), Daisy puts up a portrait of her husband-for-four-seconds and pretends she didn't treat him like dirt when he was alive. Her father-in-law gives her a letter to give to Mrs. Patmore and Daisy irrationally fills with jealous rage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Downton, Carson peer pressures Robert to drink wine out of a flask. The absurdity of that sentence proves that \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> should have probably ended a year or two ago. Carson and Robert talk about how much they hate Thomas and wish he would die or get another job or something. Then they take turns complaining about the open house. Every scene with these two is like a prequel to \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://lemerg.com/data/wallpapers/21/961636.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">Grumpy Old Men\u003c/a>\u003c/em> or an unfunny Statler and Waldorf bit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20345\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20345\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/627.gif\" alt=\"statler and waldorf\" width=\"349\" height=\"199\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the kitchen, Mrs. Patmore finds her letter from Daisy's father-in-law in the trash. Daisy is totally going to flunk her exam, if this bit of sabotage is any indication of her intelligence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Baxter tells Cora that the man she was supposed to testify against got 10 years in prison. Cora is like \u003cem>Cool, now I can go back to not caring about your personal life.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, Carson and Mrs. Hughes are on a miserable walk. On top of ridiculing her cooking last week, Carson now also has a problem with how Mrs. Hughes makes coffee, polishes the silver and makes the bed. Puke blood in his face, Mrs. Hughes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Mary's bedroom, Anna tells Mary she needs to see a doctor again. Mary is like \u003cem>Yay, I get to party with a hot boy in London! Uh, I mean, sorry about your problematic pregnancy. I hope you're okay.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, there's more news on the boring hospital merger front. York \u003cem>will\u003c/em> take over the hospital and they're pushing the Dowager out and replacing her with Cora. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Mary tells Branson about her plans to hang out at a spot called the Criterion with Evelyn Napier (the guy she friend-zoned / best friend of the dead Turk). Edith swoops in with a Debbie Downer remembrance of her dead boyfriend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I used to go to the Criterion with Michael.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20347\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20347\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif\" alt=\"debbie downer gif\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/15mcpi0-1-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\n\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you have to put a damper on every restaurant in the capital?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Point for Mary, which ties the score (remember the car mechanic dig from earlier?). But wait, there's more!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Edith, you can manage for a day without us, can't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> I can manage without \u003cem>you\u003c/em> for as long as you want.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Edith is getting the hang of this! 2-1.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Branson:\u003c/strong> Why don't you come with us?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Edith:\u003c/strong> And watch Mary flirt with her oily driver? No thank you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gross classism aside, Edith is killing it. She's finally had it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20348\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20348\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mldubuHfDN1rdutw3o1_400\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Thomas is giving George another random piggy back ride. When Mary shows up, George explains that he was cheering Thomas up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> Do you need cheering up, Barrow?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Thomas:\u003c/strong> We all need it sometimes, m'lady.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20349\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20349\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/Dont_make_me_cry.gif\" alt=\"Don't_make_me_cry\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Robert is bored out of his mind in bed, wishing the same thing Cora and I do: that he was dead. Mary stops by to ask if he knows why Thomas is sad. Robert is like \u003cem>Carson and I hate gays and want him to leave.\u003c/em> Mary is like \u003cem>Oh, okay\u003c/em>. Glad she got that cleared up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Bates makes a huge deal about Anna going away for the evening. Even when he says sweet things, they come across as scary and controlling: \"I miss you when you're out of sight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson gleefully tells Thomas how useless he is and basically fires him. He stops short of clapping while shouting Yipee! I advise Thomas to do the same thing I advised Mrs. Hughes to do earlier: Puke blood in his face!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Hughes comes by and Carson reminds her again that she sucks at everything and could really use some training in cooking from Mrs. Patmore. Ughhh! I hope Carson nods off after drinking his flask wine and a boa constrictor slithers into his room and devours him super slowly.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the schoolhouse, a teacher gives Molesley props for caring about Daisy's education and wonders if he might want to work at the school in some capacity. Molesley reacts like Piglet:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20350\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20350\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_n20h5iTXfZ1tqqihyo1_500.gif\" alt=\"piglet anxiety gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the house, Carson continues being the worst:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Carson [to Mrs. Hughes]:\u003c/strong> \"I'm expecting a delicious dinner prepared by the fair hands of my beautiful wife.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Seriously, Mrs. Hughes, annulment, look it up in one of Daisy's books.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the hallway, Thomas and Andy try to decide whose room they'll meet up in later. Unfortunately, they're not talking about hooking up. It's just to teach dyslexic Andy how to read books about pigs. Sigh. Mrs. Patmore overhears and assumes they're going to make sweet love to each other. In an alternate universe where the \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em> writers know what they're doing, that is what's really going on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary gives Anna a hard time for being late to dress her. Anna explains that she had to take a freakin' bus and also had to, you know, figure out if her baby is going to live or not (thanks for asking, Mary!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the Abbey, Cora is all excited about her new position at the hospital. Robert condescendingly explains that she shouldn't worry her little head with work and should just stay home and serve no purpose like him. When the boa finishes with Carson, he should slither upstairs and take care of Robert too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In London, Mary meets up with a bunch of her boo's friends. She doesn't exactly make the best first impression. \"A table of singletons at our age, well done.\" One of the girls at the table explains that they're war widows. Mary is like\u003cem> I'm not. My husband just sucked at driving.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the Carson cottage, it's dinner time a.k.a. let-me-ridicule-my-new-wife-incessantly-until-she-stabs-me-dead o'clock. Carson wishes Mrs. Hughes hadn't forgotten the lemon for his salmon. He also wishes she would've whipped up some horseradish, thinned with a little sour cream. And the skin on the duck better be crispy! Oh, and Mrs. Hughes isn't allowed to drink anymore out of respect for Robert's combustible ulcer. Yikes. If I were Hughes, I would knock the dinner onto the floor, call up alcoholic Denker and spend all night doing this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20355\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20355\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00Q6oKa.gif\" alt=\"amy wine gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Mary goes on a walk with her new man and they go from 0 to make out in the rain and say I love you for the first time. They even negotiate how often Mary will visit the racetrack to watch him drive around when they're married. I get that we're in the final few episodes and need to move things along, but come on now, these two have hung out like four times in their lives. I have a more robust relationship with the guy who owns the corner store near my house.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Mary gets home, she drinks whiskey (my kind of girl!) and kicks it with Branson who never seems to do much of anything these days. From revolutionary chauffeur to neutered layabout. Sybil's death really messed everything up. Anyway, Mary slings some mud in Edith's direction, who's not even around, by calling her new boyfriend \"boring to an Olympic degree,\" because she's drunk and crapping all over Edith is fun.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a distant part of Yorkshire, Olympic bore himself walks along the road with a bunch of luggage because Edith sucks at life and couldn't get her car to start. They both seem like bad kissers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Isobel's place, Lord Merton shows up with his nasty son's new fiance. She's explains that she's an Isobel groupie and apologizes for being engaged to a monster. Operation Win Her Back Before the Christmas Special is in full effect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Downton kitchen, the servants talk about Daisy's imminent test. Daisy is excited in a cute baby Gizmo type of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20352\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20352\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/tumblr_nqutscCbOx1uy1618o1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"gizmo gif\" width=\"474\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But then Mrs. Patmore mentions Daisy's father-in-law and Daisy transforms into a crazy jealous Gremlin freak.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20353\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20353\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/gremlins.gif\" alt=\"gremlins\" width=\"500\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Patmore vows to contact him anyway because she doesn't want to be a virgin on her death bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Edith decides a third date is as good a time as any to introduce her new boyfriend to her sleeping super secret daughter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Daisy's father-in-law shows up to give Mrs. Patmore some I-secretly-love-you vegetables. Daisy is not pleased:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20354\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20354\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-6.gif\" alt=\"gremlins slap gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Olympic bore coaches the family on how to host a proper open house. Damn, Mary was right; I \u003cem>am\u003c/em> bored.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mr. Carson similarly bores everyone with open house talk. He also manages to insult Daisy's appearance by reminding her to \"look presentable.\" Ugh, where is that boa?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Mary tells Branson she's going to get over the fact that her husband died in a car crash and start liking cars again so that her new boo will keep liking her. Good for her, I guess?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Robert tells Cora that Edith's new dude doesn't have any prospects. Cora replies, \"What are Edith's prospects?\" Ouch, mama! But I guess she's right; beggars who are willing to date their burn victim cousin can't be choosers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a hallway downstairs, Carson catches Andy coming out of Thomas' bedroom. The music turns sinister and gay panic ensues, just in case you forgot that, on top of all his other awful qualities, Carson is also relentlessly homophobic.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, the riff raff arrive to gawk at the Abbey. They have a lot of questions about architects and painters and Cora, Edith and Mary don't know anything about anything. The poor people are like \u003cem>Ew, read a book\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Dowager swoops in and has the best crowd control skills: making a disgusted face until people move out of the way. She finds Cora and makes a scene over being pushed out of the hospital. She doesn't want to see Cora's face again until she becomes \"used to having a traitor in the family.\" Despite this storyline being so very tired, this freakout works because of Maggie Smith. She is really too good for this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random village boy shows up in Robert's room and they have a conversation about how annoying moms can be and why people live in big houses. The boy seems smarter than Robert, which isn't that hard of a feat actually.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Mrs. Patmore takes Carson aside to air out her concerns that Andy is being converted into a gay by Thomas. I'm running out of people I can stand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Lord Merton is still trotting out his future daughter-in-law in a bid to make everyone forget that his sons wanted Isobel dead. It will probably work.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Carson corners Thomas and tries to get him to confess to seducing Andy. Thomas denies it and asks if, after all these years, his word is still not good enough. Carson says nope. And then Denker and Mrs. Hughes, drunk out of their gourds, jump out of nowhere and set Carson on fire. What? A boy can dream.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, the rich folk talk about how their way of life has become like \"a fat lady in the circus.\" Mary vows to stay in the house forever and ever. Yeah, good luck with that, poor oily driver lover.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the dark, all alone, Thomas sits in a rocking chair and weeps.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-20364\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20364\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/nKtuHrN.gif\" alt=\"oprah gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it's only right to reward characters who've impressed and diss the ones that haven't, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong> Carson:\u003c/strong> I hope one of his organs blows up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> \u003cstrong>Edith\u003c/strong>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em> She landed some good punches, got to kiss a boy, and no one kidnapped her baby. A good week, all in all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mrs. Hughes\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong> The fact that she hasn't poisoned Carson yet is truly astounding.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003cstrong>Mary:\u003c/strong> She drank some whiskey, made out in the rain and wore a cool headband. Is there more to life than that?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>GOLD:\u003c/em> Thomas\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>:\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>Someday, someone will give him a piggy back ride. Actually, probably not. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Previous Season 6 recaps:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/31/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-5-recap-sunday-bloody-sunday/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 5 Recap: Sunday Bloody Sunday\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/24/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-4-recap-i-will-remember-you/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 4 Recap: I Will Remember You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-3-recap-chapel-of-love-wedding\">‘Downton Abbey’ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Chapel of Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/01/10/downton-abbey-season-6-episode-2-recap-all-that-she-wants-is-another-baby/\" target=\"_blank\">'Downton Abbey' Season 6 Episode 2: All That She Wants Is Another Baby\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"tagline": "The flip side of gentrification, told through one town",
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},
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"tagline": "Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time",
"info": "KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.",
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},
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"info": "KQED’s statewide radio news program providing daily coverage of issues, trends and public policy decisions.",
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"order": 8
},
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},
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"order": 1
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"info": "\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />",
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"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
"airtime": "THU 10pm, FRI 1am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
"link": "/radio/program/commonwealth-club",
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"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
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"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"order": 9
},
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"hidden-brain": {
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"airtime": "SUN 7pm-8pm",
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"source": "NPR"
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"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
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"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
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"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
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"order": 18
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},
"latino-usa": {
"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
"airtime": "MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm",
"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
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},
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},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
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"source": "American Public Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/marketplace",
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"rss": "https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/marketplace-pm/rss/rss"
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},
"masters-of-scale": {
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"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
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"source": "WaitWhat"
},
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"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
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"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
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