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"content": "\u003cp>Most loving parents feel a natural desire to praise their children. Yet, there seems to be a backlash against praise recently, particularly on social media. One of my favorite comedians, Taylor Wolfe, highlighted the anti-praise movement in a viral reel titled “Teaching My Boomer Mom About Millennial Parenting” (watch \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAWXzhYSck5/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==\">here\u003c/a> if you haven’t already). In this video, she instructs her mother not to say “Good job” or “I’m so proud of you” — a request that her mother clearly finds ridiculous. This video is relatable in part because it showcases the confusion we all feel around praise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those of us who grew up in the \u003ca href=\"https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/self-esteem-grit-do-they-really-help.html\">“self-esteem craze” of the 90’s\u003c/a>, it is hard to understand what could be wrong with a seemingly benign and loving phrase like “I’m so proud of you.” Enter gentle parenting influencers. Gentle parenting advocates would argue this type of praise will cause children to become overly dependent on validation from others and ultimately reduce their internal motivation to engage in the behavior.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what does the research actually find about praising children? Is it an effective way to encourage children \u003cem>or\u003c/em> will it make children overly dependent on the approval of others and lacking in internal motivation? Will phrases like “I’m proud of you” and “Good job” really turn your children into \u003ca href=\"https://www.alfiekohn.org/article/five-reasons-stop-saying-good-job/\">“praise junkies”\u003c/a>?\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Research on Praise\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>First, it is important to mention that there is isn’t anything inherently wrong with praise. Praise has long been a tool encouraged by psychologists and included in most \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0204929\">evidence-based parenting programs\u003c/a>. Most psychologists and researchers consider praise an essential part of positive parenting. Research also suggests that praise generally has a positive impact on children, as praise has been associated with improved \u003ca href=\"https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fdev0000444\">academic performance\u003c/a>, increased likelihood of \u003ca href=\"https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Wiley-Blackwell/Ulber_Extrinsic_ChildDev_2016_2327864.pdf\">engaging in kind and helpful behavior\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jea/advpub/0/advpub_JE20090168/_pdf\">enhanced social competence\u003c/a>. Praise from parents is even associated with \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0154220\">increased brain matter\u003c/a> in an area of the brain associated with empathy, conscientiousness and open-mindedness. We also don’t have any evidence that praise in general decreases intrinsic motivation and we actually have \u003ca href=\"https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Wiley-Blackwell/Ulber_Extrinsic_ChildDev_2016_2327864.pdf\">evidence that praise may increase intrinsic motivation.\u003c/a>Yet, \u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12064\">research\u003c/a> does find that \u003cem>how\u003c/em> you praise your child matters and that some types of praise may be better than other types of praise. Fortunately, research gives us some guidance here.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>How To Praise Your Child\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So how exactly should you praise your children? Research provides the following tips:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Praise the process, not the person. \u003c/strong>Praise your child’s effort, strategy and process, rather than praising traits that they cannot change as easily (such as intelligence, athleticism or beauty). \u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Andrei-Cimpian/publication/6360300_Subtle_Linguistic_Cues_Affect_Children%27s_Motivation/links/5e9ccd4d299bf13079aa3266/Subtle-Linguistic-Cues-Affect-Childrens-Motivation.pdf\">Research\u003c/a> finds that “process praise” (translation: praising effort, strategy and process) enhances children’s internal motivation and persistence in the face of challenge. “Person praise” (translation: praising fixed traits associated with the person such as “you are so smart/nice/beautiful”) tends to make children\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Bradley-Morris/publication/44694663_Good_job_you%27re_so_smart_The_effects_of_inconsistency_of_praise_type_on_young_children%27s_motivation/links/5a2745fe4585155dd42419c2/Good-job-youre-so-smart-The-effects-of-inconsistency-of-praise-type-on-young-childrens-motivation.pdf\"> fixate more on their mistakes\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13423-012-0294-y\">give up more easily\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://people.uncw.edu/hungerforda/Infancy/PDF/Person%20versus%20process%20praise%20and%20criticism.pdf\">blame themselves\u003c/a>. Why does this happen? Imagine if your parents have always told you how smart you are and then you just cannot understand algebra. You might assume that your parents are wrong and you actually aren’t “smart” and decide there is no point in even trying because you are either “smart” or “not smart”— it’s a fixed trait that you can’t change. You might also feel less inclined to challenge yourself (because what if you fail and are no longer considered “smart”) and you may be more likely to cheat to prove you are “smart.” The pressure to achieve feels both overwhelming and out of your control. However, if your parents mostly praised you for how hard you worked in math, you would likely simply work harder if you did not understand algebra, entirely avoiding the intense pressure and existential crisis of no longer being “smart.”\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use supportive rather than controlling praise. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://home.ubalt.edu/ntygmitc/642/Articles%20syllabus/Deci%20Koestner%20Ryan%20meta%20IM%20psy%20bull%2099.pdf\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that you should avoid using praise that aims to control your child’s behavior because this type of praise \u003cem>does\u003c/em> seem to decrease intrinsic motivation. In other words, the goal of your praise should not be to try to pressure your child into doing what you want them to do. For example, rather than saying, “You are so good at science. You should be a doctor like me when you grow up,” say, “It seems like you really enjoy science and really work hard to understand it.” Be careful of any praise that uses the word “should” or may make your child feel pressured.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Avoid using praise that compares your child to other children. \u003c/strong>When you use praise to compare your child to other children, it seems to \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860500280223\">enhance performance\u003c/a> in the short term, \u003cem>but\u003c/em> in the long-term this practice may lead your children to judge their performance \u003ca href=\"https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.469.2099&rep=rep1&type=pdf\">only in relation to other people\u003c/a> rather than meeting their own goals or enjoying it themselves. For example, rather than praising your child for being the best soccer player on their team, focus on their own performance. You want to be particularly careful about not comparing your child to their siblings with your praise (such as, “You are such a better listener than your brother”), since \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6298862/\">research\u003c/a> finds that sibling comparisons are linked to behavior problems.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use specific rather than general praise. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&profile=ehost&scope=site&authtype=crawler&jrnl=10742956&AN=72084567&h=ohKN3AWW8XkZii0vGQc9mhTKvIBkrKNo348mYG0eFOLrCHEtrADZN1lLNAMZXzpR16pGXZAlWpZe9cjjMRRTIQ%3D%3D&crl=c\">Research\u003c/a> finds that praise with specific information helps children to learn how to improve their behavior in the future. For example, “good job putting your toys back in the bin when you were done using them” helps children to learn a specific expectation. If you simply say “good job” after your child cleans up their toys, they may not know what you are referring to. However, it is also important to mention that a \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00928/full\">recent study\u003c/a> found that even general and vague praise (“Yea” in this study) may not undermine persistence or make kids view themselves more negatively. The only concern with this type of general praise is that it may not give children an idea of how to improve in the future.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use gestures as praise. \u003c/strong>Research also suggests that parents may want to use gestures (high fives, thumbs up) to encourage their children occasionally. \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00928/full\">Research\u003c/a> finds that gestures may even be very effective in improving children’s self-evaluation, that is their own judgement of how they did and how they feel about it.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Combine praise with positive attention. \u003c/strong>Try to use praise with positive attention or a positive nonverbal response (hug, smile, pat or another type of physical affection). Research finds that this may be the \u003ca href=\"http://parented.wdfiles.com/local--files/discipline/Effect%20of%20Praise,%20Reprimand%20on%20Compliance.pdf\">most effective in improving children’s behavior.\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Be sincere with your praise. \u003c/strong>This last tip may be the most important. \u003ca href=\"https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550616683020\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that when children sense that their parents are either over-praising or under-praising their performance, they are more likely to experience depression and lower academic performance. \u003ca href=\"https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0031917\">Research\u003c/a> also finds that overly effusive praise (such as, “That is the most beautiful drawing I have ever seen”) is associated with children developing low self-esteem, avoiding challenges and becoming overly dependent on praise.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>So Can You Say “I’m So Proud of You”? \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>There is no research that specifically examines the impact of telling your children “I’m so proud of you” or even research comparing phrases that focus on the child’s self-evaluation versus the adult’s evaluation (such as saying “You seem so happy with this artwork” versus “I think your artwork is so beautiful”) so it is hard to make a specific recommendation about this phrase. However, based on the research that we do have, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with saying “I’m proud of you.” However, research would suggest that you might want to make sure that you are specific (“I’m proud of you for trying so hard to make the team”), that you are not focusing on fixed traits (“I’m proud of you for helping others” versus “I’m proud of you for being a helper”) and that you aren’t being controlling or pressuring (“I’m so proud that you are finally getting A’s in math”).\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>What About “Good Job”?\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Again, there is no research looking specifically at the phrase “good job.” Based on the research we do have, “good job” does not seem to be harmful but may not be specific enough. If your child doesn’t know what you are referring to, they may misinterpret or discredit your praise. In addition, “good job” is often used in an insincere way. I am imagining a scenario where your child insists that you watch them do hundreds of handstands in the pool and for each one you say “good job” without even looking up from your phone. It is easy to see how this experience would cheapen the experience of praise for children.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>What Happens If You Don’t Praise Perfectly? \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>After reading all of this research, you may be feeling overwhelmed by all of these “praise rules” or guilty about the times you haven’t followed these guidelines. But don’t stress— you don’t have to do this perfectly (and literally no parent ever has)! Just aim for following these rules as often as you can. \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022096510000755\">Research\u003c/a> finds that as long as most of the praise that children hear (at least three out of four times) is the praise supported by research, children show increased persistence and improved self-evaluation. This suggests that even if you forget these rules 1 out of 4 times, there is no reason to worry. So when you slip up and call your child “smart” or give them an insincere “good job” (and trust me— we have \u003cem>all\u003c/em> done it), your child will be just fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Some Examples of The Type of Praise You Should Use\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>I can see how hard you worked on that\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m so proud of you for making a good choice even when it felt hard for you\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you for helping me\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was so creative\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I love how you are sharing with your brother\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Some Examples of The Type of Praise You Should Try to Avoid\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>You’re so smart\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the best player on the team\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You’re such a good boy/girl\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the best helper/listener\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Great job sharing with your brother. You should act like this everyday. It would make my life so much easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Overall Translation\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In summary, praise enhances motivation and perseverance and improves behavior when it is sincere, suggests that the child has control over improving the outcome, is supportive rather than controlling, encourages internal motivation, does not compare the child to others and is specific and accurate. There is nothing wrong with saying “I’m so proud of you” or “Good job”— just try to make sure you are being sincere and specific when you use these phrases. Above all, as long as your praise is sincere, don’t overthink it. It’s the children whose parents never praise them who really struggle, not the children whose parents are worried about praising them in the “right” way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Most loving parents feel a natural desire to praise their children. Yet, there seems to be a backlash against praise recently, particularly on social media. One of my favorite comedians, Taylor Wolfe, highlighted the anti-praise movement in a viral reel titled “Teaching My Boomer Mom About Millennial Parenting” (watch \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAWXzhYSck5/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==\">here\u003c/a> if you haven’t already). In this video, she instructs her mother not to say “Good job” or “I’m so proud of you” — a request that her mother clearly finds ridiculous. This video is relatable in part because it showcases the confusion we all feel around praise.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For those of us who grew up in the \u003ca href=\"https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/self-esteem-grit-do-they-really-help.html\">“self-esteem craze” of the 90’s\u003c/a>, it is hard to understand what could be wrong with a seemingly benign and loving phrase like “I’m so proud of you.” Enter gentle parenting influencers. Gentle parenting advocates would argue this type of praise will cause children to become overly dependent on validation from others and ultimately reduce their internal motivation to engage in the behavior.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what does the research actually find about praising children? Is it an effective way to encourage children \u003cem>or\u003c/em> will it make children overly dependent on the approval of others and lacking in internal motivation? Will phrases like “I’m proud of you” and “Good job” really turn your children into \u003ca href=\"https://www.alfiekohn.org/article/five-reasons-stop-saying-good-job/\">“praise junkies”\u003c/a>?\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Research on Praise\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>First, it is important to mention that there is isn’t anything inherently wrong with praise. Praise has long been a tool encouraged by psychologists and included in most \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0204929\">evidence-based parenting programs\u003c/a>. Most psychologists and researchers consider praise an essential part of positive parenting. Research also suggests that praise generally has a positive impact on children, as praise has been associated with improved \u003ca href=\"https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fdev0000444\">academic performance\u003c/a>, increased likelihood of \u003ca href=\"https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Wiley-Blackwell/Ulber_Extrinsic_ChildDev_2016_2327864.pdf\">engaging in kind and helpful behavior\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jea/advpub/0/advpub_JE20090168/_pdf\">enhanced social competence\u003c/a>. Praise from parents is even associated with \u003ca href=\"https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0154220\">increased brain matter\u003c/a> in an area of the brain associated with empathy, conscientiousness and open-mindedness. We also don’t have any evidence that praise in general decreases intrinsic motivation and we actually have \u003ca href=\"https://www.eva.mpg.de/documents/Wiley-Blackwell/Ulber_Extrinsic_ChildDev_2016_2327864.pdf\">evidence that praise may increase intrinsic motivation.\u003c/a>Yet, \u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12064\">research\u003c/a> does find that \u003cem>how\u003c/em> you praise your child matters and that some types of praise may be better than other types of praise. Fortunately, research gives us some guidance here.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>How To Praise Your Child\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So how exactly should you praise your children? Research provides the following tips:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Praise the process, not the person. \u003c/strong>Praise your child’s effort, strategy and process, rather than praising traits that they cannot change as easily (such as intelligence, athleticism or beauty). \u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Andrei-Cimpian/publication/6360300_Subtle_Linguistic_Cues_Affect_Children%27s_Motivation/links/5e9ccd4d299bf13079aa3266/Subtle-Linguistic-Cues-Affect-Childrens-Motivation.pdf\">Research\u003c/a> finds that “process praise” (translation: praising effort, strategy and process) enhances children’s internal motivation and persistence in the face of challenge. “Person praise” (translation: praising fixed traits associated with the person such as “you are so smart/nice/beautiful”) tends to make children\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Bradley-Morris/publication/44694663_Good_job_you%27re_so_smart_The_effects_of_inconsistency_of_praise_type_on_young_children%27s_motivation/links/5a2745fe4585155dd42419c2/Good-job-youre-so-smart-The-effects-of-inconsistency-of-praise-type-on-young-childrens-motivation.pdf\"> fixate more on their mistakes\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13423-012-0294-y\">give up more easily\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"http://people.uncw.edu/hungerforda/Infancy/PDF/Person%20versus%20process%20praise%20and%20criticism.pdf\">blame themselves\u003c/a>. Why does this happen? Imagine if your parents have always told you how smart you are and then you just cannot understand algebra. You might assume that your parents are wrong and you actually aren’t “smart” and decide there is no point in even trying because you are either “smart” or “not smart”— it’s a fixed trait that you can’t change. You might also feel less inclined to challenge yourself (because what if you fail and are no longer considered “smart”) and you may be more likely to cheat to prove you are “smart.” The pressure to achieve feels both overwhelming and out of your control. However, if your parents mostly praised you for how hard you worked in math, you would likely simply work harder if you did not understand algebra, entirely avoiding the intense pressure and existential crisis of no longer being “smart.”\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use supportive rather than controlling praise. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://home.ubalt.edu/ntygmitc/642/Articles%20syllabus/Deci%20Koestner%20Ryan%20meta%20IM%20psy%20bull%2099.pdf\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that you should avoid using praise that aims to control your child’s behavior because this type of praise \u003cem>does\u003c/em> seem to decrease intrinsic motivation. In other words, the goal of your praise should not be to try to pressure your child into doing what you want them to do. For example, rather than saying, “You are so good at science. You should be a doctor like me when you grow up,” say, “It seems like you really enjoy science and really work hard to understand it.” Be careful of any praise that uses the word “should” or may make your child feel pressured.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Avoid using praise that compares your child to other children. \u003c/strong>When you use praise to compare your child to other children, it seems to \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860500280223\">enhance performance\u003c/a> in the short term, \u003cem>but\u003c/em> in the long-term this practice may lead your children to judge their performance \u003ca href=\"https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.469.2099&rep=rep1&type=pdf\">only in relation to other people\u003c/a> rather than meeting their own goals or enjoying it themselves. For example, rather than praising your child for being the best soccer player on their team, focus on their own performance. You want to be particularly careful about not comparing your child to their siblings with your praise (such as, “You are such a better listener than your brother”), since \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6298862/\">research\u003c/a> finds that sibling comparisons are linked to behavior problems.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use specific rather than general praise. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&profile=ehost&scope=site&authtype=crawler&jrnl=10742956&AN=72084567&h=ohKN3AWW8XkZii0vGQc9mhTKvIBkrKNo348mYG0eFOLrCHEtrADZN1lLNAMZXzpR16pGXZAlWpZe9cjjMRRTIQ%3D%3D&crl=c\">Research\u003c/a> finds that praise with specific information helps children to learn how to improve their behavior in the future. For example, “good job putting your toys back in the bin when you were done using them” helps children to learn a specific expectation. If you simply say “good job” after your child cleans up their toys, they may not know what you are referring to. However, it is also important to mention that a \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00928/full\">recent study\u003c/a> found that even general and vague praise (“Yea” in this study) may not undermine persistence or make kids view themselves more negatively. The only concern with this type of general praise is that it may not give children an idea of how to improve in the future.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Use gestures as praise. \u003c/strong>Research also suggests that parents may want to use gestures (high fives, thumbs up) to encourage their children occasionally. \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00928/full\">Research\u003c/a> finds that gestures may even be very effective in improving children’s self-evaluation, that is their own judgement of how they did and how they feel about it.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Combine praise with positive attention. \u003c/strong>Try to use praise with positive attention or a positive nonverbal response (hug, smile, pat or another type of physical affection). Research finds that this may be the \u003ca href=\"http://parented.wdfiles.com/local--files/discipline/Effect%20of%20Praise,%20Reprimand%20on%20Compliance.pdf\">most effective in improving children’s behavior.\u003c/a>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong> Be sincere with your praise. \u003c/strong>This last tip may be the most important. \u003ca href=\"https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550616683020\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that when children sense that their parents are either over-praising or under-praising their performance, they are more likely to experience depression and lower academic performance. \u003ca href=\"https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0031917\">Research\u003c/a> also finds that overly effusive praise (such as, “That is the most beautiful drawing I have ever seen”) is associated with children developing low self-esteem, avoiding challenges and becoming overly dependent on praise.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>So Can You Say “I’m So Proud of You”? \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>There is no research that specifically examines the impact of telling your children “I’m so proud of you” or even research comparing phrases that focus on the child’s self-evaluation versus the adult’s evaluation (such as saying “You seem so happy with this artwork” versus “I think your artwork is so beautiful”) so it is hard to make a specific recommendation about this phrase. However, based on the research that we do have, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with saying “I’m proud of you.” However, research would suggest that you might want to make sure that you are specific (“I’m proud of you for trying so hard to make the team”), that you are not focusing on fixed traits (“I’m proud of you for helping others” versus “I’m proud of you for being a helper”) and that you aren’t being controlling or pressuring (“I’m so proud that you are finally getting A’s in math”).\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>What About “Good Job”?\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Again, there is no research looking specifically at the phrase “good job.” Based on the research we do have, “good job” does not seem to be harmful but may not be specific enough. If your child doesn’t know what you are referring to, they may misinterpret or discredit your praise. In addition, “good job” is often used in an insincere way. I am imagining a scenario where your child insists that you watch them do hundreds of handstands in the pool and for each one you say “good job” without even looking up from your phone. It is easy to see how this experience would cheapen the experience of praise for children.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>What Happens If You Don’t Praise Perfectly? \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>After reading all of this research, you may be feeling overwhelmed by all of these “praise rules” or guilty about the times you haven’t followed these guidelines. But don’t stress— you don’t have to do this perfectly (and literally no parent ever has)! Just aim for following these rules as often as you can. \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022096510000755\">Research\u003c/a> finds that as long as most of the praise that children hear (at least three out of four times) is the praise supported by research, children show increased persistence and improved self-evaluation. This suggests that even if you forget these rules 1 out of 4 times, there is no reason to worry. So when you slip up and call your child “smart” or give them an insincere “good job” (and trust me— we have \u003cem>all\u003c/em> done it), your child will be just fine.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Some Examples of The Type of Praise You Should Use\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>I can see how hard you worked on that\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I’m so proud of you for making a good choice even when it felt hard for you\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you for helping me\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That was so creative\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I love how you are sharing with your brother\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Some Examples of The Type of Praise You Should Try to Avoid\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>You’re so smart\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the best player on the team\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You’re such a good boy/girl\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You are the best helper/listener\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Great job sharing with your brother. You should act like this everyday. It would make my life so much easier.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Overall Translation\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>In summary, praise enhances motivation and perseverance and improves behavior when it is sincere, suggests that the child has control over improving the outcome, is supportive rather than controlling, encourages internal motivation, does not compare the child to others and is specific and accurate. There is nothing wrong with saying “I’m so proud of you” or “Good job”— just try to make sure you are being sincere and specific when you use these phrases. Above all, as long as your praise is sincere, don’t overthink it. It’s the children whose parents never praise them who really struggle, not the children whose parents are worried about praising them in the “right” way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"title": "The Benefits of Raising Hopeful Kids in Cynical Times",
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"content": "\u003cp>In the face of uncertainty, parents often seek to protect children by warning them about the world’s threats and dangers. But is this the right approach?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jamil Zaki is the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab and author of the new book “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Cynics-Surprising-Science-Goodness/dp/153874306X/\">Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness\u003c/a>.” In an interview with MindShift, Zaki said that when adults “try to keep our kids safe by making them feel unsafe,” they fuel a cynicism that can have unintended consequences for children’s mental and emotional well-being.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If we focus kids on the negative – on the worst parts of life and the worst parts of humanity – we’re going to end up shrinking their world, making it harder for them to trust, and making it harder for them to explore, take risks, and form relationships.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That doesn’t mean adults should abandon safety protocols. Zaki is the father to two young daughters. When they complain about putting on sunscreen or buckling their seat belt, he asks them, “What’s my most important job?” And they respond, “To keep us safe.” That’s a fundamental parental responsibility.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the more nuanced question is this, Zaki said: “What are we depriving our children of in the name of safety?” Emphasizing a hopeful mindset over a cynical one, Zaki argues, is an empirically wiser parenting choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Defining Hope\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Let’s first define some terms. Zaki described optimism as a belief that the world \u003cem>will be\u003c/em> better and cynicism as the belief that it \u003cem>will never be \u003c/em>better. But hope, he said, is the conviction that the world \u003cem>can be\u003c/em> better. Under this framework, hope is empowering because it requires action and allows for agency. The future “can be better,” because humans can do something to make it so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki put it this way, “Optimism is us telling our kids, \u003cem>don’t worry, honey, it’s going to be fine.\u003c/em> First, we can’t guarantee that because we don’t know what the future holds. Second, it leaves our kids on the sidelines observing helplessly as they see things that might be difficult or harmful.” In contrast, hope is telling our kids, ‘“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but \u003cem>you\u003c/em> can make a difference.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Connection Between Curiosity, Hope and Data \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>According to surveys cited by Zaki, the majority of parents believe that teaching kids that “the world is dangerous and competitive” will help them be more successful. But this world-view can be detrimental to children’s academic success. Zaki points to a research study of over two hundred thousand people in thirty countries. Cynics “scored less well on tasks that measure cognitive ability, problem-solving, and mathematical skill.” Despite this, he writes, “the stereotype of the happy, gullible simpleton and the wise, bitter misanthrope lives on, stubborn enough that scientists have named it ‘the cynical genius illusion.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why would cynicism dampen cognitive acumen? Perhaps part of the answer can be found in \u003cem>curiosity.\u003c/em> Curiosity primes children’s brains for learning. Curious kids want to know \u003cem>why\u003c/em>, and that pushes them past simplistic or absolutist notions about the world. Children have an impulse to explore and make sense of the world – but that also means that they can absorb the fears of the adults closest to them. “Kids are sponges,” said Zaki, “and often we’re saturating those sponges with the dirty water of our own biases, but we don’t have to. We can allow their curiosity to direct them to more accurate and hopeful information instead.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That means adults have work to do, Zaki said. Building hope often means “unlearning a lot of bad intel” that we’ve received from culture, media, and the “shredder of social media.” Scary stories can feed our worst perceptions about what people are like and cause us to overestimate dangers. “Hope isn’t a matter of tuning out and burying our heads in the sand,” said Zaki. “Hope is a matter of paying closer attention and focusing more intently on what the world has to offer. Hope is a response to data.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Take, for example, “stranger danger.” According to a \u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">2023 Pew Research survey\u003c/a>, 28 percent of American parents say they are “extremely worried” that their children will be abducted, with another 31% saying they were “somewhat worried” about it. And yet the actual risk of a child being kidnapped by a stranger is incredibly low. According to researchers for the University of California Irvine: “The actual risk of a teen or child being abducted by a stranger and killed or not returned is estimated at around 0.00007%, or one in 1.4 million annually—a risk so small that experts call it de minimis, meaning effectively zero.” They \u003ca href=\"https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/2/1/10/112682/No-Child-Left-Alone-Moral-Judgments-about-Parents\">continue\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The idea that unsupervised children are in constant danger is relatively new. Just one generation ago, children had much more freedom to explore their surroundings. In the early 1970s, psychologist Roger Hart spent two years making maps of the places that children in a rural New England town were allowed to go by themselves. He found that 4- and 5-year-olds were allowed to travel throughout their neighborhoods alone, and 10-year-olds had free run of the town. Forty years later, Hart returned to the same town and found that although the crime rate was exactly the same, most children were now forbidden from roaming past their own backyards.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Zaki explains that data clearly shows that “people who think the world is dangerous do worse in terms of their mental health, their careers, and their happiness. But because we’ve passed [our fears] on to our kids, they are less trusting than we were, and they have less freedom than we did.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki recommends modeling “fact-checking” our cynical beliefs. “When I find myself mistrusting somebody I’ve just met for the first time, I say, ‘Wait a minute, Zaki, what data do you have to back up this mistrust?’ And oftentimes the answer is nothing. I have no data here. It’s just my instincts, and our instincts skew negative compared to real evidence. So I try to question my cynical instincts, and I try to encourage my kids to question their cynicism as well, to be curious and skeptical instead of cynical.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Why We Underestimate Human Goodness\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Researchers have found that humans generally tend to underestimate human goodness. This is another area where data can be both helpful and hopeful, said Zaki. Take this study as an \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/06/20/734141432/what-dropping-17-000-wallets-around-the-globe-can-teach-us-about-honesty\">example\u003c/a>: a group of researchers “dropped” nearly 17,000 wallets in 40 countries over the course of two years. Some wallets had no money, some had the equivalent of $13 and some had the equivalent of $100. The wallets all contained contact information for the “owner.” So how many people attempted to reach the owner of the lost wallet? Researchers assumed that the higher the amount of money in the wallet, the fewer would be returned. A poll of 279 “top-performing academic economists” agreed. But the exact opposite turned out to be true. Forty-six percent of empty wallets were reported, as compared with 61% of the $13 wallets and 72% of $100 wallets. The more money lost, the more people went out of their way to return the money to the owner. People wanted to help out strangers they had never met.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki was not surprised by this because his research has found that “most people value compassion over selfishness.” This is important information: if our kids believe that the majority of people simply don’t care about pressing issues, it’s easy to feel hopeless. Look at climate change, said Zaki. “The average American thinks that 40% or fewer Americans want aggressive policy to protect the climate, but the actual number is more than two-thirds. There are many ways that our kids are probably part of a supermajority that they don’t know they’re part of. If you know that most people want, just like you do, a more peaceful, egalitarian, and sustainable world, then suddenly fighting for it makes a lot more sense.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After years of working with college students, Zaki believes that much of the young people’s anxiety stems from “the perception that the world is struggling and I can’t do anything about it.” Because of the internet, today’s adolescents are global citizens in ways previous generations were not. Feelings of helplessness accentuate distress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Richard Weissbourd, director of Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/expanding-your-childs-circle-of-concern\">notes\u003c/a> that kids and adults are “more distressed when we feel helpless and passive — and more comfortable when we are taking action.” Adults can help their children turn empathy into activity, teaching them ways to “expand their circle of concern,” reach out to others, and make a difference in the community.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>How to Practice Social Savoring\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>One practical strategy for fostering hope is savoring, or “noticing the good stuff as it happens.” Noticing small moments of human goodness helps us correct the negativity bias that most of us are prone to. As Zaki explains,“Our minds are structured to pay lots of attention to threats. And that’s good because it keeps us safe, but it’s also a bias that often makes us wrong about what the world is like and what people are like. So savoring beautiful things and positive experiences is a great exercise in general in terms of balancing our perspective.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Start by helping your kids practice “savoring” in general – to appreciate the taste of their favorite food, to linger outside during a beautiful sunset, or to pause to notice how good they are feeling during a special outing. That will help them translate this savoring to social situations – to mindfully notice the good in others. “I try do this with my kids all the time,” said Zaki, “I share with them if I notice somebody doing something really kind, and I ask them, ‘Tell me about the kind thing that somebody in your class did?’” These conversations can help change what we notice day-to-day, because if we want to share these moments with our kids, we have to look for goodness out in the world. Social savoring, over time, “becomes a habit of mind.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Art of ‘Underbearing Attentiveness’ \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>When Zaki thinks of hopeful parenting, one phrase that comes to mind is “underbearing attentiveness.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He found this phrase in the writings of the late Emile Bruneau, a close friend and fellow psychology professor – someone he describes as “an unofficial ambassador for humanity’s better angels.” Bruneau had a difficult childhood, and amidst emotional pain and financial challenges, his dad’s “underbearing attentiveness” was his anchor of hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Emile felt utterly supported by his dad,” Zaki explains. “He knew that his dad was there when he needed him, but his dad was not a micromanaging parent. He let Emile explore and run through the forest, even from a very young age. They traipsed around together and were partners in life. His father allowed him to build his own world and become his own person under his watchful eye, but not under his thumb.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This approach reflects the research on healthy attachment patterns, said Zaki. “The sign of a securely attached baby or toddler is that they feel that they can explore the world in their parents’ presence. What we risk when we focus too much on protecting our children is draining them of their curiosity.” Underbearing attentiveness can be a way to intentionally temper our instincts to shield our children from all potential harm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Becoming a hopeful parent in a cynical world isn’t easy, said Zaki. Perhaps the starting point is to expand our ideals as parents. “Keeping my kids safe is super important. But having them become engaged citizens of the world who embrace opportunities to connect with people? That’s equally as important.”\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"headline": "The Benefits of Raising Hopeful Kids in Cynical Times",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In the face of uncertainty, parents often seek to protect children by warning them about the world’s threats and dangers. But is this the right approach?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jamil Zaki is the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab and author of the new book “\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Cynics-Surprising-Science-Goodness/dp/153874306X/\">Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness\u003c/a>.” In an interview with MindShift, Zaki said that when adults “try to keep our kids safe by making them feel unsafe,” they fuel a cynicism that can have unintended consequences for children’s mental and emotional well-being.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“If we focus kids on the negative – on the worst parts of life and the worst parts of humanity – we’re going to end up shrinking their world, making it harder for them to trust, and making it harder for them to explore, take risks, and form relationships.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That doesn’t mean adults should abandon safety protocols. Zaki is the father to two young daughters. When they complain about putting on sunscreen or buckling their seat belt, he asks them, “What’s my most important job?” And they respond, “To keep us safe.” That’s a fundamental parental responsibility.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But the more nuanced question is this, Zaki said: “What are we depriving our children of in the name of safety?” Emphasizing a hopeful mindset over a cynical one, Zaki argues, is an empirically wiser parenting choice.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Defining Hope\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Let’s first define some terms. Zaki described optimism as a belief that the world \u003cem>will be\u003c/em> better and cynicism as the belief that it \u003cem>will never be \u003c/em>better. But hope, he said, is the conviction that the world \u003cem>can be\u003c/em> better. Under this framework, hope is empowering because it requires action and allows for agency. The future “can be better,” because humans can do something to make it so.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki put it this way, “Optimism is us telling our kids, \u003cem>don’t worry, honey, it’s going to be fine.\u003c/em> First, we can’t guarantee that because we don’t know what the future holds. Second, it leaves our kids on the sidelines observing helplessly as they see things that might be difficult or harmful.” In contrast, hope is telling our kids, ‘“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but \u003cem>you\u003c/em> can make a difference.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Connection Between Curiosity, Hope and Data \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>According to surveys cited by Zaki, the majority of parents believe that teaching kids that “the world is dangerous and competitive” will help them be more successful. But this world-view can be detrimental to children’s academic success. Zaki points to a research study of over two hundred thousand people in thirty countries. Cynics “scored less well on tasks that measure cognitive ability, problem-solving, and mathematical skill.” Despite this, he writes, “the stereotype of the happy, gullible simpleton and the wise, bitter misanthrope lives on, stubborn enough that scientists have named it ‘the cynical genius illusion.’”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why would cynicism dampen cognitive acumen? Perhaps part of the answer can be found in \u003cem>curiosity.\u003c/em> Curiosity primes children’s brains for learning. Curious kids want to know \u003cem>why\u003c/em>, and that pushes them past simplistic or absolutist notions about the world. Children have an impulse to explore and make sense of the world – but that also means that they can absorb the fears of the adults closest to them. “Kids are sponges,” said Zaki, “and often we’re saturating those sponges with the dirty water of our own biases, but we don’t have to. We can allow their curiosity to direct them to more accurate and hopeful information instead.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That means adults have work to do, Zaki said. Building hope often means “unlearning a lot of bad intel” that we’ve received from culture, media, and the “shredder of social media.” Scary stories can feed our worst perceptions about what people are like and cause us to overestimate dangers. “Hope isn’t a matter of tuning out and burying our heads in the sand,” said Zaki. “Hope is a matter of paying closer attention and focusing more intently on what the world has to offer. Hope is a response to data.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Take, for example, “stranger danger.” According to a \u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">2023 Pew Research survey\u003c/a>, 28 percent of American parents say they are “extremely worried” that their children will be abducted, with another 31% saying they were “somewhat worried” about it. And yet the actual risk of a child being kidnapped by a stranger is incredibly low. According to researchers for the University of California Irvine: “The actual risk of a teen or child being abducted by a stranger and killed or not returned is estimated at around 0.00007%, or one in 1.4 million annually—a risk so small that experts call it de minimis, meaning effectively zero.” They \u003ca href=\"https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/2/1/10/112682/No-Child-Left-Alone-Moral-Judgments-about-Parents\">continue\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>The idea that unsupervised children are in constant danger is relatively new. Just one generation ago, children had much more freedom to explore their surroundings. In the early 1970s, psychologist Roger Hart spent two years making maps of the places that children in a rural New England town were allowed to go by themselves. He found that 4- and 5-year-olds were allowed to travel throughout their neighborhoods alone, and 10-year-olds had free run of the town. Forty years later, Hart returned to the same town and found that although the crime rate was exactly the same, most children were now forbidden from roaming past their own backyards.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Zaki explains that data clearly shows that “people who think the world is dangerous do worse in terms of their mental health, their careers, and their happiness. But because we’ve passed [our fears] on to our kids, they are less trusting than we were, and they have less freedom than we did.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki recommends modeling “fact-checking” our cynical beliefs. “When I find myself mistrusting somebody I’ve just met for the first time, I say, ‘Wait a minute, Zaki, what data do you have to back up this mistrust?’ And oftentimes the answer is nothing. I have no data here. It’s just my instincts, and our instincts skew negative compared to real evidence. So I try to question my cynical instincts, and I try to encourage my kids to question their cynicism as well, to be curious and skeptical instead of cynical.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>Why We Underestimate Human Goodness\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Researchers have found that humans generally tend to underestimate human goodness. This is another area where data can be both helpful and hopeful, said Zaki. Take this study as an \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2019/06/20/734141432/what-dropping-17-000-wallets-around-the-globe-can-teach-us-about-honesty\">example\u003c/a>: a group of researchers “dropped” nearly 17,000 wallets in 40 countries over the course of two years. Some wallets had no money, some had the equivalent of $13 and some had the equivalent of $100. The wallets all contained contact information for the “owner.” So how many people attempted to reach the owner of the lost wallet? Researchers assumed that the higher the amount of money in the wallet, the fewer would be returned. A poll of 279 “top-performing academic economists” agreed. But the exact opposite turned out to be true. Forty-six percent of empty wallets were reported, as compared with 61% of the $13 wallets and 72% of $100 wallets. The more money lost, the more people went out of their way to return the money to the owner. People wanted to help out strangers they had never met.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Zaki was not surprised by this because his research has found that “most people value compassion over selfishness.” This is important information: if our kids believe that the majority of people simply don’t care about pressing issues, it’s easy to feel hopeless. Look at climate change, said Zaki. “The average American thinks that 40% or fewer Americans want aggressive policy to protect the climate, but the actual number is more than two-thirds. There are many ways that our kids are probably part of a supermajority that they don’t know they’re part of. If you know that most people want, just like you do, a more peaceful, egalitarian, and sustainable world, then suddenly fighting for it makes a lot more sense.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After years of working with college students, Zaki believes that much of the young people’s anxiety stems from “the perception that the world is struggling and I can’t do anything about it.” Because of the internet, today’s adolescents are global citizens in ways previous generations were not. Feelings of helplessness accentuate distress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Richard Weissbourd, director of Harvard’s Making Caring Common project, \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/expanding-your-childs-circle-of-concern\">notes\u003c/a> that kids and adults are “more distressed when we feel helpless and passive — and more comfortable when we are taking action.” Adults can help their children turn empathy into activity, teaching them ways to “expand their circle of concern,” reach out to others, and make a difference in the community.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>How to Practice Social Savoring\u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>One practical strategy for fostering hope is savoring, or “noticing the good stuff as it happens.” Noticing small moments of human goodness helps us correct the negativity bias that most of us are prone to. As Zaki explains,“Our minds are structured to pay lots of attention to threats. And that’s good because it keeps us safe, but it’s also a bias that often makes us wrong about what the world is like and what people are like. So savoring beautiful things and positive experiences is a great exercise in general in terms of balancing our perspective.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Start by helping your kids practice “savoring” in general – to appreciate the taste of their favorite food, to linger outside during a beautiful sunset, or to pause to notice how good they are feeling during a special outing. That will help them translate this savoring to social situations – to mindfully notice the good in others. “I try do this with my kids all the time,” said Zaki, “I share with them if I notice somebody doing something really kind, and I ask them, ‘Tell me about the kind thing that somebody in your class did?’” These conversations can help change what we notice day-to-day, because if we want to share these moments with our kids, we have to look for goodness out in the world. Social savoring, over time, “becomes a habit of mind.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cstrong>The Art of ‘Underbearing Attentiveness’ \u003c/strong>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>When Zaki thinks of hopeful parenting, one phrase that comes to mind is “underbearing attentiveness.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He found this phrase in the writings of the late Emile Bruneau, a close friend and fellow psychology professor – someone he describes as “an unofficial ambassador for humanity’s better angels.” Bruneau had a difficult childhood, and amidst emotional pain and financial challenges, his dad’s “underbearing attentiveness” was his anchor of hope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Emile felt utterly supported by his dad,” Zaki explains. “He knew that his dad was there when he needed him, but his dad was not a micromanaging parent. He let Emile explore and run through the forest, even from a very young age. They traipsed around together and were partners in life. His father allowed him to build his own world and become his own person under his watchful eye, but not under his thumb.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This approach reflects the research on healthy attachment patterns, said Zaki. “The sign of a securely attached baby or toddler is that they feel that they can explore the world in their parents’ presence. What we risk when we focus too much on protecting our children is draining them of their curiosity.” Underbearing attentiveness can be a way to intentionally temper our instincts to shield our children from all potential harm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Becoming a hopeful parent in a cynical world isn’t easy, said Zaki. Perhaps the starting point is to expand our ideals as parents. “Keeping my kids safe is super important. But having them become engaged citizens of the world who embrace opportunities to connect with people? That’s equally as important.”\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>When you are in the trenches of parenthood, it is easy to forget that the ultimate goal is to raise well-adjusted, happy, fully-formed adults. This goalpost may seem far away and abstract, particularly for those of us with young children, and it can be so easy to focus only on the strategies we need to get us through our everyday lives. However, it is nice to zoom out occasionally and consider the bigger picture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So can research give us any insight here? Can we look at well-functioning adults and figure out what their parents did “right” and “wrong”? Well, researchers have done just that by following people from childhood to adulthood and looking at the parenting practices that are associated with “psychological well-being” in adulthood. Psychological well-being is a measure of life satisfaction and psychological health that includes personal growth, self-acceptance and having purpose in life (translation: how well-adjusted you are). I think we can all agree that this is something that we would want for our children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two relatively large studies (see \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3204412/\">here\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/17439760.2015.1081971\">here\u003c/a>) have found two parenting factors that are associated with psychological well-being as adults:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>High levels of parental care\u003c/strong>: Parental care refers to a warm and loving relationship with parents. Parental care has been linked to having positive relationships later in life. This may be because the parent-child relationship provides a template for healthy relationships for their children.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Low levels of psychological control:\u003c/strong> Psychological control is a parenting approach that involves trying to control your child’s thoughts and feelings. This may involve inducing guilt, manipulating your child to feel or think the way you want them to, shaming, invalidation, personal attacks, or withdrawing affection when your child doesn’t share your thoughts or feelings. Psychological control can be contrasted with behavioral control, which simply means putting limits on your child’s behavior. Psychological control is typically linked to worse psychological outcomes while behavioral control is linked to better outcomes\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What does parental care actually look like in practice? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Being affectionate (both physically and verbally) (see this \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/parenting-hack-activate-your-childs\">previous newsletter \u003c/a>for tips on being more affectionate)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Listening to and truly seeking to understand your child’s problems and worries\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Using a warm and friendly voice with them and showing them positive emotions\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Praising them and giving them positive attention whenever possible\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Showing your children that you enjoy spending time with them and are interested in what they have to say\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Helping them to feel better when they are upset\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Making them feel valued and important\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What do low levels of psychological control look like in practice? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Encouraging your child’s increasing independence from you\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Letting them know that you trust them\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Allowing them to make decisions on their own whenever possible\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Validating their emotions even when you aren’t experiencing the same emotions\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Asking about their thoughts and opinions and really listening to what they say\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Allowing them to explore their own interests and passions\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Overall Translation\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The most well-adjusted adults are more likely to have had parents that were loving and warm and did not try to control their thoughts and feelings. These studies are only correlational, so we do not know whether parental care and psychological control actually cause children to grow into well-adjusted adults or were simply associated with this outcome. However, these studies are some of the best evidence that we currently have for understanding how parenting impacts well-being in adulthood. Although these concepts can seem very complicated, it really boils down to simply showing your child love and allowing them the space to have their own thoughts and feelings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>When you are in the trenches of parenthood, it is easy to forget that the ultimate goal is to raise well-adjusted, happy, fully-formed adults. This goalpost may seem far away and abstract, particularly for those of us with young children, and it can be so easy to focus only on the strategies we need to get us through our everyday lives. However, it is nice to zoom out occasionally and consider the bigger picture.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So can research give us any insight here? Can we look at well-functioning adults and figure out what their parents did “right” and “wrong”? Well, researchers have done just that by following people from childhood to adulthood and looking at the parenting practices that are associated with “psychological well-being” in adulthood. Psychological well-being is a measure of life satisfaction and psychological health that includes personal growth, self-acceptance and having purpose in life (translation: how well-adjusted you are). I think we can all agree that this is something that we would want for our children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two relatively large studies (see \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3204412/\">here\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/17439760.2015.1081971\">here\u003c/a>) have found two parenting factors that are associated with psychological well-being as adults:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>High levels of parental care\u003c/strong>: Parental care refers to a warm and loving relationship with parents. Parental care has been linked to having positive relationships later in life. This may be because the parent-child relationship provides a template for healthy relationships for their children.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\u003cstrong>Low levels of psychological control:\u003c/strong> Psychological control is a parenting approach that involves trying to control your child’s thoughts and feelings. This may involve inducing guilt, manipulating your child to feel or think the way you want them to, shaming, invalidation, personal attacks, or withdrawing affection when your child doesn’t share your thoughts or feelings. Psychological control can be contrasted with behavioral control, which simply means putting limits on your child’s behavior. Psychological control is typically linked to worse psychological outcomes while behavioral control is linked to better outcomes\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What does parental care actually look like in practice? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Being affectionate (both physically and verbally) (see this \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/parenting-hack-activate-your-childs\">previous newsletter \u003c/a>for tips on being more affectionate)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Listening to and truly seeking to understand your child’s problems and worries\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Using a warm and friendly voice with them and showing them positive emotions\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Praising them and giving them positive attention whenever possible\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Showing your children that you enjoy spending time with them and are interested in what they have to say\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Helping them to feel better when they are upset\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Making them feel valued and important\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>What do low levels of psychological control look like in practice? \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Encouraging your child’s increasing independence from you\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Letting them know that you trust them\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Allowing them to make decisions on their own whenever possible\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Validating their emotions even when you aren’t experiencing the same emotions\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Asking about their thoughts and opinions and really listening to what they say\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Allowing them to explore their own interests and passions\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Overall Translation\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The most well-adjusted adults are more likely to have had parents that were loving and warm and did not try to control their thoughts and feelings. These studies are only correlational, so we do not know whether parental care and psychological control actually cause children to grow into well-adjusted adults or were simply associated with this outcome. However, these studies are some of the best evidence that we currently have for understanding how parenting impacts well-being in adulthood. Although these concepts can seem very complicated, it really boils down to simply showing your child love and allowing them the space to have their own thoughts and feelings.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>The list of what we are not supposed to say as parents seems to be getting longer— first we were told we could not say “good job,” then “be careful” became off-limits. [For the record, I don’t think there is anything wrong with “good job” or “be careful”— except that these phrases are perhaps not specific enough to communicate most efficiently with your children.] Now the phrase “hurry up” has been effectively cancelled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The recent controversy over “hurry up” seems to stem from \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_uY-PSNOMX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==\">a post that went viral on Instagram\u003c/a> claiming that the \u003cb>#1 cause of anxiety in children is parents rushing them\u003c/b>. But almost any parent who has young children that go to school or participate in literally \u003ci>any \u003c/i>activity that happens at a certain time has probably tried to rush or hurry their child out the door. So is this a real concern or just another way to make parents feel guilty about very normal behavior?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because I am not one to let parent-shaming happen without at least challenging the source of the claims, I asked the psychologist who made these bold statements whether she could please send me a link to the research to which she was referring. She sent me this \u003ca href=\"https://www.paediatricnursing.net/article/view/11/1-2-3\">article\u003c/a>, which claims that hurried child syndrome leads to stress and depression but does not cite any actual research but only cites other articles on hurried child syndrome that are also not based in any actual research. Furthermore, hurried child syndrome, as described in this article, seems to be a different and broader concept than simply rushing a child to get out the door.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>What is Hurried Child Syndrome?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So where did this concept come from if it isn’t based in research? Psychologist Dr. David Elkins coined the term “hurried child syndrome” in his book, \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Hurried-Child-25th-anniversary/dp/073821082X\">The Hurried Chil\u003c/a>d, which was originally published in 1981. According to Dr. Elkin, hurried child syndrome is when a child is pushed to grow up “too fast,” such as when a child is over-scheduled with extracurricular activities, pressured to achieve or expected to act older than they are. However, hurried child syndrome is not an official diagnosis used by mental health professionals and it seems to be a more theoretical concept.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>But Does Saying “Hurry Up” Actually Cause Anxiety? \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So hurried child syndrome seems to be a different concept than simply telling your child to “hurry up” occasionally, but you may still be wondering whether rushing causes anxiety in children. It seems possible that regularly rushing children may cause stress that then leads to more chronic anxiety. However, we currently have \u003ci>no\u003c/i> evidence that saying “hurry up” or rushing a child causes anxiety or any negative outcomes. \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005796723001249\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that anxiety disorders in children are caused by both genetic and environmental factors (translation: both nature and nurture) and it is unlikely that one factor alone would cause an anxiety disorder. \u003ca href=\"https://weiszlab.fas.harvard.edu/files/jweisz/files/mcleod_wood_weisz_2007_clinc_psych_rev_anxiety.pdf\">Some research\u003c/a> has linked parents being overly controlling to anxiety in children. This might look like not allowing your child to make any choices during the getting ready process, not permitting them to have any control whatsoever over their schedule, or doing everything for your child. Yet, asking your child to hurry or rush doesn’t seem to be overly controlling or intrusive. More broadly, \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735806001127\">research\u003c/a> finds that parenting only accounts for 4% of the variance in child anxiety, suggesting that your parenting decisions alone are unlikely to cause an anxiety disorder in your children.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Overall Translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>We have no evidence that hurried child syndrome is a real concern for parents or that asking your child to “hurry up” causes anxiety. However, telling your child to “hurry up” may not be most effective strategy because it isn’t informative and doesn’t teach any skills. In addition, rushing may cause more immediate stress for both you and your child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what can you do when you feel the need to say “hurry up”?\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Be more specific\u003c/b>. There is nothing inherently wrong with saying “hurry up” or rushing your child. However, it does not provide them with information as to what they \u003ci>should \u003c/i>be doing. Although it may seem obvious to us as adults, it isn’t always obvious to kids. For example, instead of “hurry up,” you could say “walk to the car please.” One of my colleagues, \u003ca href=\"https://themompsychologist.com/2023/10/05/what-to-say-instead-of-hurry-up/\">The Mom Psychologis\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://themompsychologist.com/2023/10/05/what-to-say-instead-of-hurry-up/\">t\u003c/a>, recommends that parents give one or two words to tell kids what they need to do such as “shoes” or “breakfast” and I agree that limiting the language can be very helpful for overwhelmed parents and children in these situations\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Help your children to develop time management skills\u003c/b>. Give children a sense of time through timers (visual timers such as the Time Timer can be particularly useful), songs, or other concrete ways of explaining length of time. One of our goals as parents is to teach children to ultimately manage their own time.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Allow more than enough time\u003c/b>. Everything with kids takes longer than you think and a lot of our time pressure is self-induced because we do not allow enough time (and trust me when I say that I know how hard this is— I am guilty of this at least once per day). Instead, aim to be ready 15 minutes before you have to leave, so when the inevitable diaper blowout or missing shoes happen, you won’t stress about being late!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Let them face natural consequences of being late\u003c/b>. This isn’t always possible but try to let your children face the natural consequences of being late whenever you can. Of course you would not want to let your child arrive late for school every day but if you are going somewhere that your child is motivated to arrive on time, such as a birthday party or a movie, allow them to face the natural consequences of being late which might mean they miss some or all of the event. Of course, it is only fair to give them a warning (such as, “I’m going to set a timer for 5 minutes and if we don’t leave before the timer goes off, you will miss some of the movie.”)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Manage your own anxiety when you are running lat\u003c/b>\u003cstrong>e\u003c/strong>. Running late is a common trigger for anxiety in parents and it makes sense because there are real implications for being late as an adult. If you arrived late everyday for work, you would probably lose your job, or at least the respect of your co-workers. Your rising anxiety may be compounded by children who are moving unimaginably slow. However, as you might know from experience, being anxious yourself or losing your cool will only make the situation worse. Stay calm by using coping skills such as deep breathing and self-talk (such as telling yourself “this is not an emergency” or “this isn’t worth losing my peace over”).\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>The list of what we are not supposed to say as parents seems to be getting longer— first we were told we could not say “good job,” then “be careful” became off-limits. [For the record, I don’t think there is anything wrong with “good job” or “be careful”— except that these phrases are perhaps not specific enough to communicate most efficiently with your children.] Now the phrase “hurry up” has been effectively cancelled.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The recent controversy over “hurry up” seems to stem from \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_uY-PSNOMX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==\">a post that went viral on Instagram\u003c/a> claiming that the \u003cb>#1 cause of anxiety in children is parents rushing them\u003c/b>. But almost any parent who has young children that go to school or participate in literally \u003ci>any \u003c/i>activity that happens at a certain time has probably tried to rush or hurry their child out the door. So is this a real concern or just another way to make parents feel guilty about very normal behavior?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because I am not one to let parent-shaming happen without at least challenging the source of the claims, I asked the psychologist who made these bold statements whether she could please send me a link to the research to which she was referring. She sent me this \u003ca href=\"https://www.paediatricnursing.net/article/view/11/1-2-3\">article\u003c/a>, which claims that hurried child syndrome leads to stress and depression but does not cite any actual research but only cites other articles on hurried child syndrome that are also not based in any actual research. Furthermore, hurried child syndrome, as described in this article, seems to be a different and broader concept than simply rushing a child to get out the door.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>What is Hurried Child Syndrome?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So where did this concept come from if it isn’t based in research? Psychologist Dr. David Elkins coined the term “hurried child syndrome” in his book, \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Hurried-Child-25th-anniversary/dp/073821082X\">The Hurried Chil\u003c/a>d, which was originally published in 1981. According to Dr. Elkin, hurried child syndrome is when a child is pushed to grow up “too fast,” such as when a child is over-scheduled with extracurricular activities, pressured to achieve or expected to act older than they are. However, hurried child syndrome is not an official diagnosis used by mental health professionals and it seems to be a more theoretical concept.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>But Does Saying “Hurry Up” Actually Cause Anxiety? \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>So hurried child syndrome seems to be a different concept than simply telling your child to “hurry up” occasionally, but you may still be wondering whether rushing causes anxiety in children. It seems possible that regularly rushing children may cause stress that then leads to more chronic anxiety. However, we currently have \u003ci>no\u003c/i> evidence that saying “hurry up” or rushing a child causes anxiety or any negative outcomes. \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005796723001249\">Research\u003c/a> suggests that anxiety disorders in children are caused by both genetic and environmental factors (translation: both nature and nurture) and it is unlikely that one factor alone would cause an anxiety disorder. \u003ca href=\"https://weiszlab.fas.harvard.edu/files/jweisz/files/mcleod_wood_weisz_2007_clinc_psych_rev_anxiety.pdf\">Some research\u003c/a> has linked parents being overly controlling to anxiety in children. This might look like not allowing your child to make any choices during the getting ready process, not permitting them to have any control whatsoever over their schedule, or doing everything for your child. Yet, asking your child to hurry or rush doesn’t seem to be overly controlling or intrusive. More broadly, \u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735806001127\">research\u003c/a> finds that parenting only accounts for 4% of the variance in child anxiety, suggesting that your parenting decisions alone are unlikely to cause an anxiety disorder in your children.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Overall Translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>We have no evidence that hurried child syndrome is a real concern for parents or that asking your child to “hurry up” causes anxiety. However, telling your child to “hurry up” may not be most effective strategy because it isn’t informative and doesn’t teach any skills. In addition, rushing may cause more immediate stress for both you and your child.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what can you do when you feel the need to say “hurry up”?\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Be more specific\u003c/b>. There is nothing inherently wrong with saying “hurry up” or rushing your child. However, it does not provide them with information as to what they \u003ci>should \u003c/i>be doing. Although it may seem obvious to us as adults, it isn’t always obvious to kids. For example, instead of “hurry up,” you could say “walk to the car please.” One of my colleagues, \u003ca href=\"https://themompsychologist.com/2023/10/05/what-to-say-instead-of-hurry-up/\">The Mom Psychologis\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://themompsychologist.com/2023/10/05/what-to-say-instead-of-hurry-up/\">t\u003c/a>, recommends that parents give one or two words to tell kids what they need to do such as “shoes” or “breakfast” and I agree that limiting the language can be very helpful for overwhelmed parents and children in these situations\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Help your children to develop time management skills\u003c/b>. Give children a sense of time through timers (visual timers such as the Time Timer can be particularly useful), songs, or other concrete ways of explaining length of time. One of our goals as parents is to teach children to ultimately manage their own time.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Allow more than enough time\u003c/b>. Everything with kids takes longer than you think and a lot of our time pressure is self-induced because we do not allow enough time (and trust me when I say that I know how hard this is— I am guilty of this at least once per day). Instead, aim to be ready 15 minutes before you have to leave, so when the inevitable diaper blowout or missing shoes happen, you won’t stress about being late!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Let them face natural consequences of being late\u003c/b>. This isn’t always possible but try to let your children face the natural consequences of being late whenever you can. Of course you would not want to let your child arrive late for school every day but if you are going somewhere that your child is motivated to arrive on time, such as a birthday party or a movie, allow them to face the natural consequences of being late which might mean they miss some or all of the event. Of course, it is only fair to give them a warning (such as, “I’m going to set a timer for 5 minutes and if we don’t leave before the timer goes off, you will miss some of the movie.”)\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\u003cb>Manage your own anxiety when you are running lat\u003c/b>\u003cstrong>e\u003c/strong>. Running late is a common trigger for anxiety in parents and it makes sense because there are real implications for being late as an adult. If you arrived late everyday for work, you would probably lose your job, or at least the respect of your co-workers. Your rising anxiety may be compounded by children who are moving unimaginably slow. However, as you might know from experience, being anxious yourself or losing your cool will only make the situation worse. Stay calm by using coping skills such as deep breathing and self-talk (such as telling yourself “this is not an emergency” or “this isn’t worth losing my peace over”).\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "does-hearing-thank-you-make-a-difference-for-parent-well-being",
"title": "Does Hearing 'Thank You' Make a Difference for Parent Well-being?",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ci>This post was originally published by Parenting Translator. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Most days being a parent can feel like the most thankless job in the world. You are \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64605/what-did-the-surgeon-general-say-about-parental-stress-and-what-can-we-do-about-it\">working tirelessly\u003c/a> and pouring our heart and soul into giving your children everything, yet it is rare to even get a “thanks,” much less a heartfelt acknowledgement of everything you have done for your children. Of course, it would be nice to hear “thank you” every once in a while, but does experiencing gratitude from those you love really matter? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60465101340348032b488a55/t/60934355ece1f871188e418d/1620263767263/2019-JPSP-Park-et-al.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Previous research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> has found that hearing “thank you” or any expression of gratitude may be important for relationship quality between romantic partners, but what about the relationship between parent and child or what about the relationship quality between two partners who are also parents? A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17439760.2024.2365472\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> recently published in \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Journal of Positive Psychology\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> addressed this question by examining whether hearing “thank you” was linked to any positive outcomes such as improved relationships, less parenting stress or better psychological well-being. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Study details\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study included 593 parents of children from ages 4 to 17 years. All parents in this study were married or in a romantic relationship. The parents filled out a questionnaire about whether their family members expressed gratitude to them, that is the extent to which their partner or children expressed appreciation and acknowledgment of the work they did for the family. The researchers also asked about their relationships with their partner, their level of parenting stress and whether they had any symptoms of psychological distress (translation: feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed). The researchers divided children into a younger group (4 to 12 years) and an older group (13 to 17 years) to examine whether the age of the children had any impact. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Main findings\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The researchers found the following: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from children (both older and younger) is linked to lower parenting stress\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This seems to be particularly true for gratitude from older children. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from romantic partners and older children is linked to lower levels of psychological distress. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This means that gratitude from your family members is linked to a lower likelihood of feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from a romantic partner or spouse is linked to better relationship quality, but not lower parenting stress\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This backs up \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60465101340348032b488a55/t/60934355ece1f871188e418d/1620263767263/2019-JPSP-Park-et-al.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">previous research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and extends it to relationships in the context of parenting. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Mothers feel less appreciated than fathers\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Mothers reported lower levels of gratitude from partners and older children.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude may matter more for mothers than fathers. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gratitude seemed to have a greater positive impact for mothers than fathers. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The takeaway message here is that it really does matter whether you hear “thank you” as a parent. Feeling like your children and partner are grateful for all of the work that you do is linked to improved relationship quality, lower parenting stress and a lower risk for psychological distress. There seem to be unique benefits for feeling gratitude from your partner versus your children, so it may be important to receive gratitude from both. In terms of gratitude from your children, it seems to be more meaningful when it comes from older, teenage children. This may be because older children can articulate gratitude more sincerely and specifically than younger children. Finally, gratitude may be harder-won and more meaningful for mothers than fathers. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00737-024-01490-w\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that mothers take on about twice as much household labor as fathers on average, so it makes sense that they would expect gratitude more and appreciate it more when they receive it. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Of course, there are limitations of this study that make further research necessary. It was a relatively small correlational study (meaning that we do not know if gratitude actually causes positive outcomes or is simply linked to them). It was also based on self-report of gratitude, and future research should examine whether perceived gratitude actually reflects expressed gratitude. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You are likely thinking “Okay this is nice but how do I get my child or partner to actually express gratitude!?” Of course you could send this study to them \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">but \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">if that feels too passive-aggressive for you, here are some additional ways to promote gratitude in your family: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Help your children notice what others do for them.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Children are often blissfully unaware of all of the work that goes into making their lives run smoothly. Start pointing out everything that others do for your children whenever possible. For example, explain what their teacher might have to do before they even arrive at school in the morning, remind them that someone will have to clean up the table after you leave a restaurant, or involve them in everything that goes into making a meal for them from planning to grocery shopping to cooking to cleaning up. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Remind your child to thank their other parent\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. If you have a parenting partner, prompt your child to show gratitude. You don’t have to “force” them to say thank you but you could simply remind them of the effort of the other parent. For example, “That was really nice that daddy took you to the playground this morning. He knows how much you love the playground and wanted to do something special for you.” If you are a single parent, talk to a friend about doing this for each other. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Model gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Frequently and sincerely express gratitude to your children, your partner and other people in your life. You can thank them for what they do for you but also anything they do for others or that has a positive impact, such as thanking your child for being kind to their sibling. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Tell your partner and children how much it means to you when they express gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Do not feel bad about asking for more gratitude! You can also explain how to express gratitude in a way that is most meaningful to you (for example, do you like a simple “thank you” or would you prefer that they are more specific?). When they do express gratitude, make sure you tell them how happy or proud it makes you feel and that it means a lot to you. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Make an agreement with your spouse to acknowledge each other’s efforts and express gratitude at regular intervals. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It is easy to forget to thank your parenting partner but this research really underscores how important it is. Try to make thanking each other and expressing gratitude more of an everyday habit. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Teach your children about gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Teach your children how it makes others feel when they express gratitude and teach them different ways to express gratitude above and beyond simply saying thank you (such as saying “I am so grateful” or “That meant a lot to me” or even writing a letter). \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003ci>Parenting Translator\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Feeling like your children and partner are grateful for all of the work that you do is linked to improved relationship quality, lower parenting stress and a lower risk for psychological distress.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ci>This post was originally published by Parenting Translator. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Most days being a parent can feel like the most thankless job in the world. You are \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64605/what-did-the-surgeon-general-say-about-parental-stress-and-what-can-we-do-about-it\">working tirelessly\u003c/a> and pouring our heart and soul into giving your children everything, yet it is rare to even get a “thanks,” much less a heartfelt acknowledgement of everything you have done for your children. Of course, it would be nice to hear “thank you” every once in a while, but does experiencing gratitude from those you love really matter? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60465101340348032b488a55/t/60934355ece1f871188e418d/1620263767263/2019-JPSP-Park-et-al.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Previous research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> has found that hearing “thank you” or any expression of gratitude may be important for relationship quality between romantic partners, but what about the relationship between parent and child or what about the relationship quality between two partners who are also parents? A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17439760.2024.2365472\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> recently published in \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Journal of Positive Psychology\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> addressed this question by examining whether hearing “thank you” was linked to any positive outcomes such as improved relationships, less parenting stress or better psychological well-being. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Study details\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study included 593 parents of children from ages 4 to 17 years. All parents in this study were married or in a romantic relationship. The parents filled out a questionnaire about whether their family members expressed gratitude to them, that is the extent to which their partner or children expressed appreciation and acknowledgment of the work they did for the family. The researchers also asked about their relationships with their partner, their level of parenting stress and whether they had any symptoms of psychological distress (translation: feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed). The researchers divided children into a younger group (4 to 12 years) and an older group (13 to 17 years) to examine whether the age of the children had any impact. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Main findings\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The researchers found the following: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from children (both older and younger) is linked to lower parenting stress\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This seems to be particularly true for gratitude from older children. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from romantic partners and older children is linked to lower levels of psychological distress. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This means that gratitude from your family members is linked to a lower likelihood of feeling nervous, hopeless, or depressed. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude from a romantic partner or spouse is linked to better relationship quality, but not lower parenting stress\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This backs up \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60465101340348032b488a55/t/60934355ece1f871188e418d/1620263767263/2019-JPSP-Park-et-al.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">previous research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and extends it to relationships in the context of parenting. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Mothers feel less appreciated than fathers\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Mothers reported lower levels of gratitude from partners and older children.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Gratitude may matter more for mothers than fathers. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Gratitude seemed to have a greater positive impact for mothers than fathers. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The takeaway message here is that it really does matter whether you hear “thank you” as a parent. Feeling like your children and partner are grateful for all of the work that you do is linked to improved relationship quality, lower parenting stress and a lower risk for psychological distress. There seem to be unique benefits for feeling gratitude from your partner versus your children, so it may be important to receive gratitude from both. In terms of gratitude from your children, it seems to be more meaningful when it comes from older, teenage children. This may be because older children can articulate gratitude more sincerely and specifically than younger children. Finally, gratitude may be harder-won and more meaningful for mothers than fathers. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00737-024-01490-w\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that mothers take on about twice as much household labor as fathers on average, so it makes sense that they would expect gratitude more and appreciate it more when they receive it. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Of course, there are limitations of this study that make further research necessary. It was a relatively small correlational study (meaning that we do not know if gratitude actually causes positive outcomes or is simply linked to them). It was also based on self-report of gratitude, and future research should examine whether perceived gratitude actually reflects expressed gratitude. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">You are likely thinking “Okay this is nice but how do I get my child or partner to actually express gratitude!?” Of course you could send this study to them \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">but \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">if that feels too passive-aggressive for you, here are some additional ways to promote gratitude in your family: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Help your children notice what others do for them.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Children are often blissfully unaware of all of the work that goes into making their lives run smoothly. Start pointing out everything that others do for your children whenever possible. For example, explain what their teacher might have to do before they even arrive at school in the morning, remind them that someone will have to clean up the table after you leave a restaurant, or involve them in everything that goes into making a meal for them from planning to grocery shopping to cooking to cleaning up. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Remind your child to thank their other parent\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. If you have a parenting partner, prompt your child to show gratitude. You don’t have to “force” them to say thank you but you could simply remind them of the effort of the other parent. For example, “That was really nice that daddy took you to the playground this morning. He knows how much you love the playground and wanted to do something special for you.” If you are a single parent, talk to a friend about doing this for each other. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Model gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Frequently and sincerely express gratitude to your children, your partner and other people in your life. You can thank them for what they do for you but also anything they do for others or that has a positive impact, such as thanking your child for being kind to their sibling. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Tell your partner and children how much it means to you when they express gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Do not feel bad about asking for more gratitude! You can also explain how to express gratitude in a way that is most meaningful to you (for example, do you like a simple “thank you” or would you prefer that they are more specific?). When they do express gratitude, make sure you tell them how happy or proud it makes you feel and that it means a lot to you. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Make an agreement with your spouse to acknowledge each other’s efforts and express gratitude at regular intervals. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">It is easy to forget to thank your parenting partner but this research really underscores how important it is. Try to make thanking each other and expressing gratitude more of an everyday habit. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Teach your children about gratitude.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Teach your children how it makes others feel when they express gratitude and teach them different ways to express gratitude above and beyond simply saying thank you (such as saying “I am so grateful” or “That meant a lot to me” or even writing a letter). \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003ci>Parenting Translator\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"slug": "what-did-the-surgeon-general-say-about-parental-stress-and-what-can-we-do-about-it",
"title": "What Did the US Surgeon General Say About Parental Stress, And What Can We Do About It?",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ci>This post was originally published by \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/raising-empathetic-children\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Last week United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/parents/index.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">advisory\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> about the current state of parenting and the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/28/opinion/surgeon-general-stress-parents.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">unprecedented stress\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and mental health concerns that parents are experiencing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The surgeon general’s report explains that parents in particular are under an undue amount of stress and that the amount of stress has increased over the past decade. The report cites a 2023 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association that found that 1 in 3 parents (33%) are highly stressed while only 20% of the general population reported this level of stress. In addition, this report found that 41% of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they can’t function, and 48% of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming. This is clearly not sustainable and serious changes are needed in order to address this situation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Murthy, who is a parent of a 6-year-old and 7-year-old himself, also highlighted the lack of respect for parenting in our society. He wrote: “In modern society, parenting is often portrayed as a less important, less valued pursuit. Nothing could be further from the truth.” But why is parenting more stressful now than ever before? The advisory cites several factors in parents’ stress levels.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents in the United States are both working longer hours than ever before and spending more time than ever with their children.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> According to the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://data.bls.gov/PDQWeb/tu\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Time Use Survey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, work hours have increased 28% for mothers and 4% for fathers from 1985 to 2022. During the same time period, time spent directly caring for children has increased 40% for mothers and 154% for fathers. If you are thinking that this “math isn’t mathing” and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day — you would be correct. In order to accomplish this, parents (particularly mothers) are spending \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.futuretakes.org/docs/Volume%206%20no%204/v6n4_bookrev1.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">less time on leisure for themselves, spending less time with their partner and sleeping fewer hours\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are financially strained. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One in four parents (24%) report that there were times in the last year when they did not have enough money for basic needs, such as food or rent. One in five parents (20%) report that they have struggled to pay for child care or health care for their families. This is not surprising, given the cost of child care has skyrocketed in the United States, growing by 26% in the last decade, according to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2023/04/18/executive-order-on-increasing-access-to-high-quality-care-and-supporting-caregivers/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">White House briefing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are very worried about their children’s health and safety\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Three quarters (74%) of parents report that the possibility of a school shooting is a significant source of stress. One in five children also have a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://mchb.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/mchb/programs-impact/nsch-cshcn-data-brief.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">special health care concern\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, such as asthma, ADHD, anxiety, behavioral problems, learning disabilities or a developmental delay) and a child experiencing one of these health problems doubles the risk for mental health concerns in parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are isolated and lonely\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Many parents lack community and social support which further increases stress. Among all parents, 65% report experiencing loneliness. That number goes up to 77% among single parents, while only 55% of non-parents report loneliness.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are very concerned about their children’s mental health\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. About three-quarters of parents (76%) worry about their child struggling with anxiety or depression in their lifetime, according to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Pew Research survey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This is a well founded concern given the current mental health crisis among children. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>There are other unprecedented stressors for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> According to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Pew Research survey,\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> 70% of parents also report that parenting is more difficult now than it was 20 years ago. According to these parents, two of the top reasons for this are social media and technology. In particular, parents are worried that social media use will increase the risk for anxiety/depression, lower self-esteem, bullying, peer pressure and exposure to explicit content. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Why does this matter and what can we do?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents are people, too, and we should be concerned about such a large percentage of the population suffering. The stress and mental health of parents also directly impacts the next generation. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9749862/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that children with a primary caregiver with poor mental health are twice as likely to have mental, behavioral or developmental concerns and four times more likely to have poor health.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So what can be done? Murthy called for changes in policy and cultural norms to reduce the stress of parents. Specific changes that were recommended include: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Change the national discourse\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. We need to talk about how challenging parenting can be and all of the stressors that parents face. We need to recognize that parenting is a real job that is just as important as any paying job. Schools and other community organizations can start a dialogue about parent stress and help to destigmatize mental health concerns in parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Governments and communities need to provide emotional and practical support for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We need policy changes and community involvement in ways that provide practical and emotional support to parents. Policy changes recommended by Murthy include such as universal preschool, paid family and medical leave and access to high quality mental health care. We also need more social programs that provide opportunities for parents to connect with each other in genuine ways.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Employers also need to support working parents\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Employers need to create policies and programs that support working parents and allow for work-life balance.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While we are all waiting for these policy and systemic changes, what can we do? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Accept that parenting is extremely challenging, particularly when you live in a country like the United States that doesn’t provide a lot of support for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> If you are struggling, it is because you are in a system that is setting you up to fail, not because there is something wrong with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Recognize the importance of connection.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Connection with others is key to reducing stress and improving mental health. Even though it is challenging, find time for connection — talk to a friend on the phone while you fold laundry, schedule regular play dates with other parents and their kids, get together with a neighbor after your kids go to bed, strike up a conversation with other parents at the park, etc.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Educate yourself about different mental health conditions that parents and children may face and seek professional help when necessary\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">National Institute for Mental Health website\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> has information on common mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.samhsa.gov/find-support\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Findsupport.gov\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> is also a great free resource with information about how to know when you need help and how to find a mental health professional or program. If you are having a mental health crisis or considering hurting yourself, you can call or text 988 for free and confidential support in the United States.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Try a different kind of self-care.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> This report recommends making time for self-care but adding self-care can also feel like a burden on an already overwhelmed parent’s to-do list. If a parent feels pressure to wake up at 5 a.m. every morning to exercise or meditate, it may actually increase stress (or at least reduce sleep). It might be more helpful to rethink self-care. Think about what you already do in a day and where you can add joy or peace. For example, listen to an audiobook or a meditation app during your commute to work, go for a walk with your family after dinner instead of watching a TV show, run errands with your partner or a friend to make them more fun, clean the kitchen while your kids are still awake so you can go to bed earlier, include your children in activities that you love such as baking or gardening, etc.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Murthy summed up the core message of this report with this statement: “Something has to change … Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Now is the time for real change to give parents the support they deserve for this sacred and important work.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003ci>Parenting Translator\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ci>This post was originally published by \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/raising-empathetic-children\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Last week United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/parents/index.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">advisory\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> about the current state of parenting and the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/28/opinion/surgeon-general-stress-parents.html\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">unprecedented stress\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and mental health concerns that parents are experiencing. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The surgeon general’s report explains that parents in particular are under an undue amount of stress and that the amount of stress has increased over the past decade. The report cites a 2023 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association that found that 1 in 3 parents (33%) are highly stressed while only 20% of the general population reported this level of stress. In addition, this report found that 41% of parents say that most days they are so stressed that they can’t function, and 48% of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming. This is clearly not sustainable and serious changes are needed in order to address this situation.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Murthy, who is a parent of a 6-year-old and 7-year-old himself, also highlighted the lack of respect for parenting in our society. He wrote: “In modern society, parenting is often portrayed as a less important, less valued pursuit. Nothing could be further from the truth.” But why is parenting more stressful now than ever before? The advisory cites several factors in parents’ stress levels.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents in the United States are both working longer hours than ever before and spending more time than ever with their children.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> According to the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://data.bls.gov/PDQWeb/tu\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">American Time Use Survey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, work hours have increased 28% for mothers and 4% for fathers from 1985 to 2022. During the same time period, time spent directly caring for children has increased 40% for mothers and 154% for fathers. If you are thinking that this “math isn’t mathing” and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day — you would be correct. In order to accomplish this, parents (particularly mothers) are spending \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.futuretakes.org/docs/Volume%206%20no%204/v6n4_bookrev1.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">less time on leisure for themselves, spending less time with their partner and sleeping fewer hours\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are financially strained. \u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">One in four parents (24%) report that there were times in the last year when they did not have enough money for basic needs, such as food or rent. One in five parents (20%) report that they have struggled to pay for child care or health care for their families. This is not surprising, given the cost of child care has skyrocketed in the United States, growing by 26% in the last decade, according to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2023/04/18/executive-order-on-increasing-access-to-high-quality-care-and-supporting-caregivers/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">White House briefing\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are very worried about their children’s health and safety\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Three quarters (74%) of parents report that the possibility of a school shooting is a significant source of stress. One in five children also have a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://mchb.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/mchb/programs-impact/nsch-cshcn-data-brief.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">special health care concern\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, such as asthma, ADHD, anxiety, behavioral problems, learning disabilities or a developmental delay) and a child experiencing one of these health problems doubles the risk for mental health concerns in parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are isolated and lonely\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Many parents lack community and social support which further increases stress. Among all parents, 65% report experiencing loneliness. That number goes up to 77% among single parents, while only 55% of non-parents report loneliness.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Parents are very concerned about their children’s mental health\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. About three-quarters of parents (76%) worry about their child struggling with anxiety or depression in their lifetime, according to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Pew Research survey\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. This is a well founded concern given the current mental health crisis among children. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>There are other unprecedented stressors for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> According to a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Pew Research survey,\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> 70% of parents also report that parenting is more difficult now than it was 20 years ago. According to these parents, two of the top reasons for this are social media and technology. In particular, parents are worried that social media use will increase the risk for anxiety/depression, lower self-esteem, bullying, peer pressure and exposure to explicit content. \u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Why does this matter and what can we do?\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Parents are people, too, and we should be concerned about such a large percentage of the population suffering. The stress and mental health of parents also directly impacts the next generation. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9749862/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that children with a primary caregiver with poor mental health are twice as likely to have mental, behavioral or developmental concerns and four times more likely to have poor health.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">So what can be done? Murthy called for changes in policy and cultural norms to reduce the stress of parents. Specific changes that were recommended include: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Change the national discourse\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. We need to talk about how challenging parenting can be and all of the stressors that parents face. We need to recognize that parenting is a real job that is just as important as any paying job. Schools and other community organizations can start a dialogue about parent stress and help to destigmatize mental health concerns in parents.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Governments and communities need to provide emotional and practical support for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> We need policy changes and community involvement in ways that provide practical and emotional support to parents. Policy changes recommended by Murthy include such as universal preschool, paid family and medical leave and access to high quality mental health care. We also need more social programs that provide opportunities for parents to connect with each other in genuine ways.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Employers also need to support working parents\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. Employers need to create policies and programs that support working parents and allow for work-life balance.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While we are all waiting for these policy and systemic changes, what can we do? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Accept that parenting is extremely challenging, particularly when you live in a country like the United States that doesn’t provide a lot of support for parents.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> If you are struggling, it is because you are in a system that is setting you up to fail, not because there is something wrong with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Recognize the importance of connection.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Connection with others is key to reducing stress and improving mental health. Even though it is challenging, find time for connection — talk to a friend on the phone while you fold laundry, schedule regular play dates with other parents and their kids, get together with a neighbor after your kids go to bed, strike up a conversation with other parents at the park, etc.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Educate yourself about different mental health conditions that parents and children may face and seek professional help when necessary\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">National Institute for Mental Health website\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> has information on common mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.samhsa.gov/find-support\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Findsupport.gov\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> is also a great free resource with information about how to know when you need help and how to find a mental health professional or program. If you are having a mental health crisis or considering hurting yourself, you can call or text 988 for free and confidential support in the United States.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003cb>Try a different kind of self-care.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> This report recommends making time for self-care but adding self-care can also feel like a burden on an already overwhelmed parent’s to-do list. If a parent feels pressure to wake up at 5 a.m. every morning to exercise or meditate, it may actually increase stress (or at least reduce sleep). It might be more helpful to rethink self-care. Think about what you already do in a day and where you can add joy or peace. For example, listen to an audiobook or a meditation app during your commute to work, go for a walk with your family after dinner instead of watching a TV show, run errands with your partner or a friend to make them more fun, clean the kitchen while your kids are still awake so you can go to bed earlier, include your children in activities that you love such as baking or gardening, etc.\u003c/span>\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Murthy summed up the core message of this report with this statement: “Something has to change … Raising children is sacred work. It should matter to all of us.” Now is the time for real change to give parents the support they deserve for this sacred and important work.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"title": "To Raise Empathetic Children, Parents Must Practice Empathy Themselves",
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"headTitle": "To Raise Empathetic Children, Parents Must Practice Empathy Themselves | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This post was originally published by \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/raising-empathetic-children\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Empathy, or the ability to understand and share in the experience of emotions with others, is an essential element of all human relationships. Research also supports the importance of empathy, finding that more empathetic individuals have \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-020-01753-x\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">better quality friendships\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jopy.12098\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">enhanced social skills\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and are \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-019-00154-2\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">more satisfied with their lives\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — to name just a few of the benefits. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In a world that seems increasingly \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53476/how-selective-empathy-can-chip-away-at-civil-society\">divided and cold\u003c/a>, many of us parents want to raise more empathetic children but how exactly do parents \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54497/why-intentionally-building-empathy-is-more-important-now-than-ever\">foster empathy\u003c/a>? If we are empathetic with our children, will they show the same to others? And will the empathy that we show to them ultimately help them to become empathetic adults?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.14109\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> looked at how empathy is passed down from parents to children and then to those children’s children. This study looked at a mother’s empathy for their child at age 13 and how it related to the child’s empathy for their friends during the teen years (from ages 13 to 19). The researchers then followed the teens up to adulthood (mid-30’s) and looked at how empathetic they were with their own children (the third generation). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Main findings\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study found that when children have parents who are more empathetic at age 13, they are more empathetic with their friends during the teen years (ages 13 to 19). Being more empathetic with their friends in their teen years was then associated with being more empathetic with their own children as adults (that is, showing more supportive responses to their children’s negative feelings). Supportive, empathetic parenting of their own children then predicted their children’s development of em\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">pathy (that is, the children in the third generation).\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How is empathy “passed down” in this way? When parents respond to children’s distress in a supportive, empathetic way, it gives children a model for how to respond to the distress of others. \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">Friendships in the teen years\u003c/a> may then give children a chance to practice and hone the empathy skills that they learned from their parents in childhood. Researchers describe these friendships as a “training ground” for learning about empathy. In other words, when children get the chance to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools\">practice skills like validating emotions\u003c/a> and providing comfort to other people in their teenage friendships, these skills become stronger and more effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study was limited and further research is needed on this topic. It was a relatively small and correlational study (meaning we do not know whether empathy in parents actually contributes to empathy in children but only that they are associated). This study also only focused on mother-child interactions so future research should include fathers. Finally, this study did not address the extent to which empathy is passed down due to genetics or modeling the empathy your parents show you (it is likely a combination of both).\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Yet, even with these limitations, these findings are exciting because they suggest that empathy may be passed down three generations: from parent to teen then to the third generation of children. It also suggests that friendships in the teen years may provide practice for being empathetic in adult relationships, including the parent-child relationship. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The big takeaway message here is that the empathy you show your child may ultimately help your child to develop into an empathetic adult who is then more empathetic with your grandchildren. How exactly do you show empathy to your child? This study broke down empathy into three components and understanding each of these components may provide concrete guidance for showing empathy to your children:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>1. Emotional engagement\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Pay attention to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64150/are-some-children-really-more-sensitive-research-says-yes-but-it-varies-by-situation\">what your child is feeling\u003c/a> and/or showing with their body, allow them time to talk or show their emotions, ask follow-up questions to better understand their emotions and use active listening (translation: reflect back what you hear them say or show with their actions, such as: “It seems like you are angry because your brother won’t give you a turn”). Turn your body toward your child and make eye contact. Show genuine interest in their emotions. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>2. Understanding the problem\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Acknowledge that it is a problem (rather than minimizing it by saying something like “that’s not a big deal), help your child to engage in problem-solving, talk through the problem and try to come up with a solution to the problem together, show them you are committed to finding a solution and consider their needs when coming up with solutions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>3. Emotional support\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Recognize that your child is distressed, express to your child that you understand their feelings, name their feelings, ask questions that might bring up additional emotions, clearly show warmth, concern and sympathy when discussing the child’s emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Engaging in these empathy-expressing behaviors will teach your children how to show the same to others. However, we all know that empathy is more than a set of behaviors. To quote author Brené Brown from her book \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Daring Greatly\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: “Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. There is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of three and the founder of \u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003ci>Parenting Translator\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This post was originally published by \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/raising-empathetic-children\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>. \u003cem>Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Empathy, or the ability to understand and share in the experience of emotions with others, is an essential element of all human relationships. Research also supports the importance of empathy, finding that more empathetic individuals have \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-020-01753-x\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">better quality friendships\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jopy.12098\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">enhanced social skills\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and are \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-019-00154-2\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">more satisfied with their lives\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — to name just a few of the benefits. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In a world that seems increasingly \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53476/how-selective-empathy-can-chip-away-at-civil-society\">divided and cold\u003c/a>, many of us parents want to raise more empathetic children but how exactly do parents \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54497/why-intentionally-building-empathy-is-more-important-now-than-ever\">foster empathy\u003c/a>? If we are empathetic with our children, will they show the same to others? And will the empathy that we show to them ultimately help them to become empathetic adults?\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">A \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.14109\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">recent study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> looked at how empathy is passed down from parents to children and then to those children’s children. This study looked at a mother’s empathy for their child at age 13 and how it related to the child’s empathy for their friends during the teen years (from ages 13 to 19). The researchers then followed the teens up to adulthood (mid-30’s) and looked at how empathetic they were with their own children (the third generation). \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Main findings\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study found that when children have parents who are more empathetic at age 13, they are more empathetic with their friends during the teen years (ages 13 to 19). Being more empathetic with their friends in their teen years was then associated with being more empathetic with their own children as adults (that is, showing more supportive responses to their children’s negative feelings). Supportive, empathetic parenting of their own children then predicted their children’s development of em\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">pathy (that is, the children in the third generation).\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How is empathy “passed down” in this way? When parents respond to children’s distress in a supportive, empathetic way, it gives children a model for how to respond to the distress of others. \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">Friendships in the teen years\u003c/a> may then give children a chance to practice and hone the empathy skills that they learned from their parents in childhood. Researchers describe these friendships as a “training ground” for learning about empathy. In other words, when children get the chance to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools\">practice skills like validating emotions\u003c/a> and providing comfort to other people in their teenage friendships, these skills become stronger and more effective. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This study was limited and further research is needed on this topic. It was a relatively small and correlational study (meaning we do not know whether empathy in parents actually contributes to empathy in children but only that they are associated). This study also only focused on mother-child interactions so future research should include fathers. Finally, this study did not address the extent to which empathy is passed down due to genetics or modeling the empathy your parents show you (it is likely a combination of both).\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Yet, even with these limitations, these findings are exciting because they suggest that empathy may be passed down three generations: from parent to teen then to the third generation of children. It also suggests that friendships in the teen years may provide practice for being empathetic in adult relationships, including the parent-child relationship. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The big takeaway message here is that the empathy you show your child may ultimately help your child to develop into an empathetic adult who is then more empathetic with your grandchildren. How exactly do you show empathy to your child? This study broke down empathy into three components and understanding each of these components may provide concrete guidance for showing empathy to your children:\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>1. Emotional engagement\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Pay attention to \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64150/are-some-children-really-more-sensitive-research-says-yes-but-it-varies-by-situation\">what your child is feeling\u003c/a> and/or showing with their body, allow them time to talk or show their emotions, ask follow-up questions to better understand their emotions and use active listening (translation: reflect back what you hear them say or show with their actions, such as: “It seems like you are angry because your brother won’t give you a turn”). Turn your body toward your child and make eye contact. Show genuine interest in their emotions. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>2. Understanding the problem\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Acknowledge that it is a problem (rather than minimizing it by saying something like “that’s not a big deal), help your child to engage in problem-solving, talk through the problem and try to come up with a solution to the problem together, show them you are committed to finding a solution and consider their needs when coming up with solutions.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>3. Emotional support\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Recognize that your child is distressed, express to your child that you understand their feelings, name their feelings, ask questions that might bring up additional emotions, clearly show warmth, concern and sympathy when discussing the child’s emotions\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Engaging in these empathy-expressing behaviors will teach your children how to show the same to others. However, we all know that empathy is more than a set of behaviors. To quote author Brené Brown from her book \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Daring Greatly\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: “Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. There is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of three and the founder of \u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003ci>Parenting Translator\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"title": "10 Effective Ways to Calm Your Kid's Back-to-School Jitters",
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"content": "\u003cp>New teachers, classmates, routines and expectations \u003cem>—\u003c/em> a new school year almost always means change for both kids and their caregivers. And that can be nerve-wracking for everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To help families \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58462/how-to-help-anxious-students-re-adjust-to-social-settings\">ease into the transition\u003c/a>, Life Kit asked teachers, pediatricians and child development experts for their best back-to-school advice. These tips have been edited for length and clarity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>😴 \u003cstrong>Adjust your child’s summer \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\">sleep schedule\u003c/a> to a school schedule\u003c/strong>. At least one or two weeks before school starts, move bedtime and wake-up time up by 15-minute increments every few days until the desired schedule is reached. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sleeplessinnola.com/\">Dr. Nilong Vyas\u003c/a>\u003cem>, pediatrician and sleep consultant \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>📚\u003cstrong>Gradually reintroduce structure into a child’s daily routine\u003c/strong> to help them prepare for school. Add a 15-minute block of educational content to your kid’s routine, such as a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64045/5-reasons-to-keep-up-read-alouds-beyond-kindergarten\">read-aloud\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/55961/how-sidewalk-math-cultivates-a-playful-curious-attitude-towards-math\">math puzzle\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/parents/simple-science-activities\">science experiment\u003c/a>. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://www.drkeishacares.com.\">Keisha Siriboe\u003c/a>\u003cem>, early childhood literacy consultant \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🗯 Remind kids that almost everyone feels a little nervous on the first day of school.\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools\">Naming and describing an emotion\u003c/a> and letting children know you understand how they feel can help them feel more in control over their feelings instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://blog.nemours.org/author/leahorchinik/\">Leah Orchinik\u003c/a>\u003cem>, pediatric psychologist\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🗓 To ease a child’s anxiety about going back to school, help them understand what to expect. \u003c/strong>As Daniel Tiger sings, “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.” Remind them that “grown-ups come back” [at the end of the school day] — and they can share their new experiences at school with their loved ones. \u003cem>–\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.fredrogers.org/2022/10/25/frp-names-mallory-mbalia-director-of-learning-and-education/\">Mallory Mbalia\u003c/a>\u003cem>, director of learning and education at \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://www.fredrogers.org/productions/__;!!Iwwt!VBidJq8cLPW8OjBf2vLVVah9vHYch2nHVm254yWHbjKQIU8g8IKoX4bpnTK5RPUk5AOGxv0Gd5ktbg%24\">Fred Rogers Productions\u003c/a>\u003cem>, producers of the TV show \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://pbskids.org/daniel__;!!Iwwt!VBidJq8cLPW8OjBf2vLVVah9vHYch2nHVm254yWHbjKQIU8g8IKoX4bpnTK5RPUk5AOGxv2rAC_T2w%24\">Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>❓Talk to your child about how they might handle challenging situations,\u003c/strong> even if they are not likely to happen. For example, if your son is worried about getting lost in a new school, help him problem solve by creating a plan about what he would do if that did happen so he feels more prepared and confident. \u003cem>—Leah Orchinik, pediatric psychologist\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>👋 Make up a special goodbye ritual together. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://sesameworkshop.org/resources/easing-separation-anxiety/__;!!Iwwt!SV9qqjd8Gps_UCjWl0cpKyb6Y14QDkTsxUmy1eYdJx80A1-dS7Fmolli6dsn-L6PZRJL71mjjLAqO8Q%24\">Morning goodbyes\u003c/a> can be challenging. But you can create daily memories your child will cherish for years to come. Say, “See you later, alligator! In a while, crocodile!”, do a special handshake or enjoy an extra-long hug. You can also kiss your child’s palm and then hold each other’s hands tightly to “seal it in.” Tell your child to remember they’ll carry your kiss with them all day long, and they can do the same for you! \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://sesameworkshop.org/about-us/leadership/jeanette-betancourt-ed-d/\">Jeanette Betancourt\u003c/a>, Sesame Workshop\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>☕️ Fill their connection cup before and after school. \u003c/strong>Even if you’re tired in the morning, set that alarm for 15 minutes earlier so you can have a snuggle session with your child. Read a book together. Have breakfast together. When you pick them up from school, be aware they will need another connection cup top-up. Sometimes they will present with this after-school meltdown because they’re so depleted.\u003cem> —\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://drvanessalapointe.com/\">Vanessa Lapointe\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>Discipline without Damage\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🧭 Make sure your child knows how to navigate their world in tech-free ways\u003c/strong>. Even if your child has a smartphone, make sure they know what to do if they’re approached by a stranger, how to get help for an injury and other street smarts. Help isn’t always a button away. —\u003ca href=\"https://hls.harvard.edu/faculty/leah-a-plunkett/\">Leah Plunkett\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>Sharenthood\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>💡 Discuss family or classroom conflicts with your child. \u003c/strong>Have a daily conversation topic such as, “What’s been a good or hard part about your day?” or “What rules do we need to help everyone feel loved and respected?” Then have a weekly discussion to keep things on track and make kids part of problem-solving. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.thomaslickona.com/bio\">Thomas Lickona\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>How to Raise Kind Kids\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>📣 Pour positive words of affirmation into your children on a daily basis. \u003c/strong>For example, “I love you. I’m proud of you. It’s going to be a great day. It’s OK to make mistakes.” Parents can leave notes inside their child’s lunch boxes. Or I’ve had parents ask me to write a sticky note on their child’s desk for them. These messages allow a kid to feel powerful and confident throughout the day. \u003cem>—Jarod Renford, first grade teacher in Washington, D.C.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at (202) 216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Life Kit on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3LdRb0X\">Apple Podcasts\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3K3xVln\">Spotify\u003c/a>\u003cem>, and sign up for our \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3xN1tB9\">newsletter\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>New teachers, classmates, routines and expectations \u003cem>—\u003c/em> a new school year almost always means change for both kids and their caregivers. And that can be nerve-wracking for everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To help families \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58462/how-to-help-anxious-students-re-adjust-to-social-settings\">ease into the transition\u003c/a>, Life Kit asked teachers, pediatricians and child development experts for their best back-to-school advice. These tips have been edited for length and clarity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>😴 \u003cstrong>Adjust your child’s summer \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60543/what-parents-need-to-monitor-about-teens-sleep-beyond-the-hour-count\">sleep schedule\u003c/a> to a school schedule\u003c/strong>. At least one or two weeks before school starts, move bedtime and wake-up time up by 15-minute increments every few days until the desired schedule is reached. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sleeplessinnola.com/\">Dr. Nilong Vyas\u003c/a>\u003cem>, pediatrician and sleep consultant \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>📚\u003cstrong>Gradually reintroduce structure into a child’s daily routine\u003c/strong> to help them prepare for school. Add a 15-minute block of educational content to your kid’s routine, such as a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/64045/5-reasons-to-keep-up-read-alouds-beyond-kindergarten\">read-aloud\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/55961/how-sidewalk-math-cultivates-a-playful-curious-attitude-towards-math\">math puzzle\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/parents/simple-science-activities\">science experiment\u003c/a>. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://www.drkeishacares.com.\">Keisha Siriboe\u003c/a>\u003cem>, early childhood literacy consultant \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🗯 Remind kids that almost everyone feels a little nervous on the first day of school.\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63506/young-children-need-help-identifying-emotions-little-safe-place-boxes-give-them-tools\">Naming and describing an emotion\u003c/a> and letting children know you understand how they feel can help them feel more in control over their feelings instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://blog.nemours.org/author/leahorchinik/\">Leah Orchinik\u003c/a>\u003cem>, pediatric psychologist\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🗓 To ease a child’s anxiety about going back to school, help them understand what to expect. \u003c/strong>As Daniel Tiger sings, “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.” Remind them that “grown-ups come back” [at the end of the school day] — and they can share their new experiences at school with their loved ones. \u003cem>–\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.fredrogers.org/2022/10/25/frp-names-mallory-mbalia-director-of-learning-and-education/\">Mallory Mbalia\u003c/a>\u003cem>, director of learning and education at \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://www.fredrogers.org/productions/__;!!Iwwt!VBidJq8cLPW8OjBf2vLVVah9vHYch2nHVm254yWHbjKQIU8g8IKoX4bpnTK5RPUk5AOGxv0Gd5ktbg%24\">Fred Rogers Productions\u003c/a>\u003cem>, producers of the TV show \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://pbskids.org/daniel__;!!Iwwt!VBidJq8cLPW8OjBf2vLVVah9vHYch2nHVm254yWHbjKQIU8g8IKoX4bpnTK5RPUk5AOGxv2rAC_T2w%24\">Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>❓Talk to your child about how they might handle challenging situations,\u003c/strong> even if they are not likely to happen. For example, if your son is worried about getting lost in a new school, help him problem solve by creating a plan about what he would do if that did happen so he feels more prepared and confident. \u003cem>—Leah Orchinik, pediatric psychologist\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>👋 Make up a special goodbye ritual together. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://urldefense.com/v3/__https://sesameworkshop.org/resources/easing-separation-anxiety/__;!!Iwwt!SV9qqjd8Gps_UCjWl0cpKyb6Y14QDkTsxUmy1eYdJx80A1-dS7Fmolli6dsn-L6PZRJL71mjjLAqO8Q%24\">Morning goodbyes\u003c/a> can be challenging. But you can create daily memories your child will cherish for years to come. Say, “See you later, alligator! In a while, crocodile!”, do a special handshake or enjoy an extra-long hug. You can also kiss your child’s palm and then hold each other’s hands tightly to “seal it in.” Tell your child to remember they’ll carry your kiss with them all day long, and they can do the same for you! \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://sesameworkshop.org/about-us/leadership/jeanette-betancourt-ed-d/\">Jeanette Betancourt\u003c/a>, Sesame Workshop\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>☕️ Fill their connection cup before and after school. \u003c/strong>Even if you’re tired in the morning, set that alarm for 15 minutes earlier so you can have a snuggle session with your child. Read a book together. Have breakfast together. When you pick them up from school, be aware they will need another connection cup top-up. Sometimes they will present with this after-school meltdown because they’re so depleted.\u003cem> —\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://drvanessalapointe.com/\">Vanessa Lapointe\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>Discipline without Damage\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>🧭 Make sure your child knows how to navigate their world in tech-free ways\u003c/strong>. Even if your child has a smartphone, make sure they know what to do if they’re approached by a stranger, how to get help for an injury and other street smarts. Help isn’t always a button away. —\u003ca href=\"https://hls.harvard.edu/faculty/leah-a-plunkett/\">Leah Plunkett\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>Sharenthood\u003cem> \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>💡 Discuss family or classroom conflicts with your child. \u003c/strong>Have a daily conversation topic such as, “What’s been a good or hard part about your day?” or “What rules do we need to help everyone feel loved and respected?” Then have a weekly discussion to keep things on track and make kids part of problem-solving. \u003cem>—\u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.thomaslickona.com/bio\">Thomas Lickona\u003c/a>\u003cem>, author of \u003c/em>How to Raise Kind Kids\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>📣 Pour positive words of affirmation into your children on a daily basis. \u003c/strong>For example, “I love you. I’m proud of you. It’s going to be a great day. It’s OK to make mistakes.” Parents can leave notes inside their child’s lunch boxes. Or I’ve had parents ask me to write a sticky note on their child’s desk for them. These messages allow a kid to feel powerful and confident throughout the day. \u003cem>—Jarod Renford, first grade teacher in Washington, D.C.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at (202) 216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Listen to Life Kit on \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3LdRb0X\">Apple Podcasts\u003c/a>\u003cem> and \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3K3xVln\">Spotify\u003c/a>\u003cem>, and sign up for our \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"http://n.pr/3xN1tB9\">newsletter\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat,” Bride says. “The last search on his phone before he ended his life was for hacks to find out who was doing this to him.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shortly after her son’s death, Bride joined \u003ca href=\"https://www.parentssos.org/\">Parents for Safe Online Spaces\u003c/a>, an organization of families who lost their children after they were exposed to toxic online content. Some died by suicide after cyberbullying or sextortion; others after participating in viral challenges involving self-harm or taking drugs sold by online dealers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bride is also part of an ongoing effort on Capitol Hill to craft legislation that would hold social media sites and other tech companies \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60788/3-reasons-why-seattle-schools-are-suing-big-tech-over-a-youth-mental-health-crisis\">accountable\u003c/a> for keeping minors safe online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3360x5040+0+0/resize/1200/quality/75/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe3%2F1d%2Fb09b7a2c413babd07b647e2a62e2%2Fkosa-kids-online-safety-act-2529.jpg\" alt=\"Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat. 'Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat.\">\u003cfigcaption>Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat. “Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat. \u003ccite> (Erika Layne Salazar)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Last year, a group of bipartisan senators introduced the Kids Online Safety Act, a groundbreaking piece of legislation addressing \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62233/how-to-help-your-kids-navigate-social-media-without-getting-lost\">growing concern from parents\u003c/a> about the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61026/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\">impact of online and social media platforms\u003c/a> on children and teens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The legislation passed the Senate with strong bipartisan support earlier this week, and the measure now heads to the Republican-led House.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>New law will require companies to limit harmful content\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The last time Congress passed a law to protect children on the internet was in 1998 — before Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62004/so-your-tween-wants-a-smartphone-read-this-first\">smartphones\u003c/a>. The legislation would require tech companies to implement measures to help protect kids from exposure to harmful content.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, companies would be prohibited from using algorithms to push content that underage users did not specifically search for. This addresses a huge concern of parents and advocates: that kids are targeted with content that promotes harmful behavior, such as eating disorders, sexual exploitation and substance abuse.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The bill would also raise the maximum age of children covered under the law to 17; ban companies from collecting data from minors, including biometric indicators such as fingerprints, voiceprints and facial imagery; and improve parental controls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Josh Golin is the executive director of \u003ca href=\"https://fairplayforkids.org/\">Fairplay\u003c/a>, a nonprofit working to protect kids from marketing and dangerous online content from Big Tech.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For the first time ever, social media and other online platforms will have a legal responsibility to consider how they are impacting children,” Golin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Golin says it’s important for online platforms and members of Congress to recognize that regulating the use of social media for their kids has become overwhelming for families.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No parent is looking for “another full-time job,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We need to put the responsibility back on where it belongs, which is on these companies who are the ones controlling what these kids are seeing. We need to ensure that these kids are not being sent down such dangerous rabbit holes,” says Golin.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Advocates hope new law will help fight cyberbullying\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Parent advocates of the bill say the new requirements will make it easier to protect their kids from becoming victims of cyberbullying. They say more parent-friendly user settings will make it easier to control what their kids are exposed to online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kristin Bride says the anonymous messaging feature on Snapchat ultimately led to her son’s death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I absolutely believe that my son would be alive if this legislation was in place at the time,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While cyberbullying is not directly called out in the legislation, its impacts — \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61671/teens-say-social-media-is-stressing-them-out-heres-how-to-help-them\">anxiety, depression, suicidal and self-harming behaviors\u003c/a> — are addressed, says Vaishnavi J., founder of Vyanams Strategies, an organization that advises companies on how to create safer tech products for children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Cyberbullying is a really challenging issue to navigate because it’s so coded and it’s constantly evolving,” says J.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>J. notes that cyberbullying disproportionately impacts girls and young women of color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They are typically under-represented from marginalized communities. They aren’t getting the range of societal support they deserve,” J. says. “That tends to extend to online as well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>J. also says \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills\">boys are under-represented\u003c/a> in the research when it comes to cyberbullying, something that she says isn’t talked about enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys “don’t tend to tell you that they’re being harassed or bullied. Instead, they choose to suffer in silence … and that’s a real problem,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All 50 states have laws against bullying, and every state — except Wisconsin and Alaska — include specific references to cyberbullying. Currently, there are no federal laws that criminalize cyberbullying.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>More challenges lie ahead\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Along with the safety bill, the Senate also passed online privacy legislation that would prohibit online companies from collecting personal information from kids under the age of 17 without their consent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the online safety bill has broad bipartisan support, some lawmakers argue that the legislation could violate free speech rights. Others are concerned that the new regulations could \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2024/07/30/nx-s1-5056195/its-taken-2-years-to-get-the-kids-online-safety-act-to-this-point\">prevent some kids from accessing information on LGBTQ+ issues\u003c/a> or reproductive rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media companies including Microsoft, X and Snapchat have voiced support for the measure, while TikTok and Meta have called it unconstitutional.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3360x5040+0+0/resize/1200/quality/75/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2f%2F47%2F210528074694b25d0cf6103e5e7c%2Fkosa-kids-online-safety-act-2525.jpg\" alt=\"Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying.\">\u003cfigcaption>Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying. \u003ccite> (Erika Layne Salazar)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer says there’s still more work to be done to regulate online protections for kids, but the new online safety law would be a step in the right direction. The bill now heads to the Republican-led House where Speaker Mike Johnson has signaled support for the legislation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying. Molak is urging every House member to vote in favor of what she says is a game-changing bill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s game-changing for young people. It’s game-changing for families,” she says. “I hear it over and over again that it’s like a game of Whac-A-Mole. As soon as parents figure out to keep their kids safe on one platform — three more pop up.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat,” Bride says. “The last search on his phone before he ended his life was for hacks to find out who was doing this to him.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shortly after her son’s death, Bride joined \u003ca href=\"https://www.parentssos.org/\">Parents for Safe Online Spaces\u003c/a>, an organization of families who lost their children after they were exposed to toxic online content. Some died by suicide after cyberbullying or sextortion; others after participating in viral challenges involving self-harm or taking drugs sold by online dealers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Bride is also part of an ongoing effort on Capitol Hill to craft legislation that would hold social media sites and other tech companies \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60788/3-reasons-why-seattle-schools-are-suing-big-tech-over-a-youth-mental-health-crisis\">accountable\u003c/a> for keeping minors safe online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3360x5040+0+0/resize/1200/quality/75/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe3%2F1d%2Fb09b7a2c413babd07b647e2a62e2%2Fkosa-kids-online-safety-act-2529.jpg\" alt=\"Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat. 'Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat.\">\u003cfigcaption>Kristin Bride lost her 16-year-old son, Carson, to suicide in 2020. She says shortly before he took his own life he was bullied on the social media site Snapchat. “Carson received over 100 harassing and sexually explicit texts from his high school classmates through an anonymous messaging app on Snapchat. \u003ccite> (Erika Layne Salazar)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Last year, a group of bipartisan senators introduced the Kids Online Safety Act, a groundbreaking piece of legislation addressing \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62233/how-to-help-your-kids-navigate-social-media-without-getting-lost\">growing concern from parents\u003c/a> about the \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61026/10-things-to-know-about-how-social-media-affects-teens-brains\">impact of online and social media platforms\u003c/a> on children and teens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The legislation passed the Senate with strong bipartisan support earlier this week, and the measure now heads to the Republican-led House.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>New law will require companies to limit harmful content\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>The last time Congress passed a law to protect children on the internet was in 1998 — before Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/62004/so-your-tween-wants-a-smartphone-read-this-first\">smartphones\u003c/a>. The legislation would require tech companies to implement measures to help protect kids from exposure to harmful content.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, companies would be prohibited from using algorithms to push content that underage users did not specifically search for. This addresses a huge concern of parents and advocates: that kids are targeted with content that promotes harmful behavior, such as eating disorders, sexual exploitation and substance abuse.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The bill would also raise the maximum age of children covered under the law to 17; ban companies from collecting data from minors, including biometric indicators such as fingerprints, voiceprints and facial imagery; and improve parental controls.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Josh Golin is the executive director of \u003ca href=\"https://fairplayforkids.org/\">Fairplay\u003c/a>, a nonprofit working to protect kids from marketing and dangerous online content from Big Tech.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For the first time ever, social media and other online platforms will have a legal responsibility to consider how they are impacting children,” Golin says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Golin says it’s important for online platforms and members of Congress to recognize that regulating the use of social media for their kids has become overwhelming for families.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No parent is looking for “another full-time job,” he says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We need to put the responsibility back on where it belongs, which is on these companies who are the ones controlling what these kids are seeing. We need to ensure that these kids are not being sent down such dangerous rabbit holes,” says Golin.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>Advocates hope new law will help fight cyberbullying\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Parent advocates of the bill say the new requirements will make it easier to protect their kids from becoming victims of cyberbullying. They say more parent-friendly user settings will make it easier to control what their kids are exposed to online.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Kristin Bride says the anonymous messaging feature on Snapchat ultimately led to her son’s death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I absolutely believe that my son would be alive if this legislation was in place at the time,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While cyberbullying is not directly called out in the legislation, its impacts — \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61671/teens-say-social-media-is-stressing-them-out-heres-how-to-help-them\">anxiety, depression, suicidal and self-harming behaviors\u003c/a> — are addressed, says Vaishnavi J., founder of Vyanams Strategies, an organization that advises companies on how to create safer tech products for children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Cyberbullying is a really challenging issue to navigate because it’s so coded and it’s constantly evolving,” says J.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>J. notes that cyberbullying disproportionately impacts girls and young women of color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“They are typically under-represented from marginalized communities. They aren’t getting the range of societal support they deserve,” J. says. “That tends to extend to online as well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>J. also says \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills\">boys are under-represented\u003c/a> in the research when it comes to cyberbullying, something that she says isn’t talked about enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys “don’t tend to tell you that they’re being harassed or bullied. Instead, they choose to suffer in silence … and that’s a real problem,” she says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All 50 states have laws against bullying, and every state — except Wisconsin and Alaska — include specific references to cyberbullying. Currently, there are no federal laws that criminalize cyberbullying.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>More challenges lie ahead\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Along with the safety bill, the Senate also passed online privacy legislation that would prohibit online companies from collecting personal information from kids under the age of 17 without their consent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Even though the online safety bill has broad bipartisan support, some lawmakers argue that the legislation could violate free speech rights. Others are concerned that the new regulations could \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2024/07/30/nx-s1-5056195/its-taken-2-years-to-get-the-kids-online-safety-act-to-this-point\">prevent some kids from accessing information on LGBTQ+ issues\u003c/a> or reproductive rights.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Social media companies including Microsoft, X and Snapchat have voiced support for the measure, while TikTok and Meta have called it unconstitutional.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\">\u003cimg decoding=\"async\" src=\"https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3360x5040+0+0/resize/1200/quality/75/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2f%2F47%2F210528074694b25d0cf6103e5e7c%2Fkosa-kids-online-safety-act-2525.jpg\" alt=\"Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying.\">\u003cfigcaption>Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying. \u003ccite> (Erika Layne Salazar)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer says there’s still more work to be done to regulate online protections for kids, but the new online safety law would be a step in the right direction. The bill now heads to the Republican-led House where Speaker Mike Johnson has signaled support for the legislation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maurine Molak is among the families who worked with the Senate to get the bill passed. She lost her 16-year-old son, David, to suicide after months of relentless online threats and cyberbullying. Molak is urging every House member to vote in favor of what she says is a game-changing bill.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s game-changing for young people. It’s game-changing for families,” she says. “I hear it over and over again that it’s like a game of Whac-A-Mole. As soon as parents figure out to keep their kids safe on one platform — three more pop up.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>This post was originally published by Parenting Translator. Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Anyone who has been a parent for more than two seconds knows that parenting is not all sunshine and rainbows. Yet, parents also know that there are magical moments in parenting that make it all worth it — like getting a gummy smile from your baby or being handed a bouquet of wildflowers that your child picked just for you. Recently, there has been a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/erinmagilton/p/CtrFUmauCsH/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">movement on social media \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">to recognize and appreciate these “glimmers,” or \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/C4d-m3DM9KZ/\">moments of joy\u003c/a>. While this idea is discussed as a more general life hack on social media, it seems particularly applicable to the lives of parents which seems to be a stress-filled existence punctuated by fleeting glimmers. So can focusing on the glimmers of joy we experience as parents help us to be less stressed out and more content? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>What are glimmers?\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Glimmers are seemingly insignificant, fleeting moments that trigger \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/CnpQ_LMsv4t/\">positive feelings\u003c/a>. Glimmers can include any events, objects, people or situations that give you a sense of calm, peace or joy. Glimmers are purported to be \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/C3TVnK_hWmX/\">the opposite of triggers\u003c/a>, which are reminders of trauma or cues that bring up negative feelings. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Examples of glimmers in parenting can include: really noticing the beauty in your child’s face, hearing your child mispronounce a word in the most adorable way, feeling your child snuggle up to you as you read them a book at night, singing a song together in the car on the way to school, your child saying “I love you” or “thank you,” or getting a drawing your child made for you at school. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This concept is not new. Author Glennon Doyle also discussed these parenting moments in 2012 on her blog Momastery, referring to them as “Kairos time.” She explains that Kairos time is \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“those magical moments when time stands still\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.” In her blog post she writes, “these kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">kairos\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in my head each time…And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>The science behind glimmers\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While the concept of glimmers is incredibly compelling, there is no research yet that directly examines this experience. Yet, many of the explanations on social media seem to suggest that glimmers are backed by solid neuroscience research. So where do these explanations come from? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Glimmers were first described by social worker and therapist Deb Dana in her 2018 book \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In the book, Dana provides a convincing neuroscience explanation for why glimmers are important. She claims that the positive impact of glimmers can be explained by polyvagal theory. This theory focuses on the function of the vagus nerve, which connects the brain to important organs such as the heart, lungs and digestive system and has two parts — dorsal and ventral. According to this theory, the dorsal vagus nerve response is the “freeze” that happens in times of intense fear, while the ventral vagus response calms and regulates our nervous system. Dana argues that glimmers activate the ventral vagus nerve response. However, this theory is increasingly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051123001060?via%3Dihub\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">questioned\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by scientists, as the scientific evidence for the vagus nerve response is really lacking. The other claims in this book, such as glimmers reducing anxiety or being particularly helpful for individuals who have experienced trauma, also have not been backed by research. This is a great example of a concept called \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Octavia-Wiseman-2/publication/302249658_Neuroscience_or_neurobabble_How_science_informs_parenting_policy/links/572f1ff708ae3736095c02f4/Neuroscience-or-neurobabble-How-science-informs-parenting-policy.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“neurobabble”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — which is the idea that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2778755/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">people are more likely to believe scientific findings when they have a neuroscience explanation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Regardless of this potential neurobabble and the lack of research on this topic, glimmers might still be important because they fit in perfectly with our understanding of positive psychology (translation: the field of research studying how to maximize happiness and life satisfaction). First, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.791040/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that focusing on savoring an experience as you might when noticing a glimmer is associated with increased happiness during times of stress. We also have research showing that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">noticing moments of gratitude is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Another \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">line of research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that finding meaning in your daily activities is associated with more happiness. Glimmers also encourage mindfulness (translation: paying attention to the present moment), which research finds can help parents to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">control their own emotions in challenging parenting situations\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, have more compassion for themselves and their child, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01336/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">reduce parenting stress\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We don’t have any research on the concept of glimmers specifically but the positive psychology research we do have suggests that noticing glimmers might be helpful for you as a parent (and as a human more generally). This line of research also provides some suggestions for noticing and appreciating glimmers: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>1. Savor the glimmer moments.\u003c/b> \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.791040/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that savoring the moments when you experience a glimmer might help to maximize happiness during challenging times. Savoring could include reflecting on a positive moment from the past, noticing a positive moment in the present, or anticipating a positive moment in the future. So when you are dealing with the daily hassles of parenting, try reflecting on past glimmer moments, noticing the glimmer moments right in front of you and thinking of what glimmer moments you might experience in the future. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>2. Make note or mark the experience of glimmers in some way\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> we have on gratitude suggests that making gratitude lists is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction. Try to keep a “glimmer journal” or write a note on your phone to keep track of the glimmers you experience. If you don’t have time to write down the glimmers (a very common experience among busy parents), then in your head or even out loud mark the moment as a “glimmer.” Take a moment to thank a higher power or even your child for this special experience. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>3. Think about the meaning behind glimmers. \u003c/b>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00686/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that noticing meaning in activities of daily life is associated with increased happiness. When a glimmer occurs, think about why it is personally significant for you. For example, if your children hug each other, think about how your children having a close sibling bond is so important to you as a parent. If your child says something sweet to you, think about how wonderful it is to be raising a kind child. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>4. Be present.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Glimmers occur in the present moment, so you need to be present to notice them. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research on mindfulness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> suggests that simply being present may have a positive impact on parenting. One way to be more present is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, in which you notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. If your phone is a distraction, as it is for so many of us, try putting it in another room while you are with your child. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>5. Enjoy what you have rather than always wishing it were better. \u003c/b>\u003ca href=\"https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=9b3092c077fea605cce2df2ff58a56a838e6c72b\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that some people tend to be satisfied with what they have while some people are always looking for better. Being satisfied with what you have might help you to experience more glimmers. For example, rather than thinking that you should be on a fabulous beach vacation, notice how nice it is to eat popsicles with your child on a hot summer day. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>6. Adjust your schedule to make room for glimmers.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Notice when and where you experience glimmers. Then try to maximize them in your life by scheduling activities that help you to experience more glimmers. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.behavioralactivationtech.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Cuijpers-et-al_2007.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that intentionally scheduling positive activities that you enjoy improves your mood. For example, you might notice more glimmers when you are outside in nature with your kids or when you are cuddling with you kids in bed. Prioritize these moments with your children and wait for the glimmers to occur naturally!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>This post was originally published by Parenting Translator. Sign up for \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the newsletter\u003c/a> and follow Parenting Translator \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/parentingtranslator/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">on Instagram\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Anyone who has been a parent for more than two seconds knows that parenting is not all sunshine and rainbows. Yet, parents also know that there are magical moments in parenting that make it all worth it — like getting a gummy smile from your baby or being handed a bouquet of wildflowers that your child picked just for you. Recently, there has been a \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/erinmagilton/p/CtrFUmauCsH/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">movement on social media \u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">to recognize and appreciate these “glimmers,” or \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/C4d-m3DM9KZ/\">moments of joy\u003c/a>. While this idea is discussed as a more general life hack on social media, it seems particularly applicable to the lives of parents which seems to be a stress-filled existence punctuated by fleeting glimmers. So can focusing on the glimmers of joy we experience as parents help us to be less stressed out and more content? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>What are glimmers?\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Glimmers are seemingly insignificant, fleeting moments that trigger \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/CnpQ_LMsv4t/\">positive feelings\u003c/a>. Glimmers can include any events, objects, people or situations that give you a sense of calm, peace or joy. Glimmers are purported to be \u003ca href=\"https://www.instagram.com/p/C3TVnK_hWmX/\">the opposite of triggers\u003c/a>, which are reminders of trauma or cues that bring up negative feelings. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Examples of glimmers in parenting can include: really noticing the beauty in your child’s face, hearing your child mispronounce a word in the most adorable way, feeling your child snuggle up to you as you read them a book at night, singing a song together in the car on the way to school, your child saying “I love you” or “thank you,” or getting a drawing your child made for you at school. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">This concept is not new. Author Glennon Doyle also discussed these parenting moments in 2012 on her blog Momastery, referring to them as “Kairos time.” She explains that Kairos time is \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“those magical moments when time stands still\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.” In her blog post she writes, “these kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">kairos\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> in my head each time…And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>The science behind glimmers\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">While the concept of glimmers is incredibly compelling, there is no research yet that directly examines this experience. Yet, many of the explanations on social media seem to suggest that glimmers are backed by solid neuroscience research. So where do these explanations come from? \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Glimmers were first described by social worker and therapist Deb Dana in her 2018 book \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. In the book, Dana provides a convincing neuroscience explanation for why glimmers are important. She claims that the positive impact of glimmers can be explained by polyvagal theory. This theory focuses on the function of the vagus nerve, which connects the brain to important organs such as the heart, lungs and digestive system and has two parts — dorsal and ventral. According to this theory, the dorsal vagus nerve response is the “freeze” that happens in times of intense fear, while the ventral vagus response calms and regulates our nervous system. Dana argues that glimmers activate the ventral vagus nerve response. However, this theory is increasingly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051123001060?via%3Dihub\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">questioned\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> by scientists, as the scientific evidence for the vagus nerve response is really lacking. The other claims in this book, such as glimmers reducing anxiety or being particularly helpful for individuals who have experienced trauma, also have not been backed by research. This is a great example of a concept called \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Octavia-Wiseman-2/publication/302249658_Neuroscience_or_neurobabble_How_science_informs_parenting_policy/links/572f1ff708ae3736095c02f4/Neuroscience-or-neurobabble-How-science-informs-parenting-policy.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“neurobabble”\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> — which is the idea that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2778755/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">people are more likely to believe scientific findings when they have a neuroscience explanation\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Regardless of this potential neurobabble and the lack of research on this topic, glimmers might still be important because they fit in perfectly with our understanding of positive psychology (translation: the field of research studying how to maximize happiness and life satisfaction). First, \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.791040/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that focusing on savoring an experience as you might when noticing a glimmer is associated with increased happiness during times of stress. We also have research showing that \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">noticing moments of gratitude is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction.\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Another \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">line of research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> shows that finding meaning in your daily activities is associated with more happiness. Glimmers also encourage mindfulness (translation: paying attention to the present moment), which research finds can help parents to \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">control their own emotions in challenging parenting situations\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, have more compassion for themselves and their child, and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01336/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">reduce parenting stress\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cb>Overall translation\u003c/b>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">We don’t have any research on the concept of glimmers specifically but the positive psychology research we do have suggests that noticing glimmers might be helpful for you as a parent (and as a human more generally). This line of research also provides some suggestions for noticing and appreciating glimmers: \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>1. Savor the glimmer moments.\u003c/b> \u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.791040/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that savoring the moments when you experience a glimmer might help to maximize happiness during challenging times. Savoring could include reflecting on a positive moment from the past, noticing a positive moment in the present, or anticipating a positive moment in the future. So when you are dealing with the daily hassles of parenting, try reflecting on past glimmer moments, noticing the glimmer moments right in front of you and thinking of what glimmer moments you might experience in the future. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>2. Make note or mark the experience of glimmers in some way\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">: The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> we have on gratitude suggests that making gratitude lists is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction. Try to keep a “glimmer journal” or write a note on your phone to keep track of the glimmers you experience. If you don’t have time to write down the glimmers (a very common experience among busy parents), then in your head or even out loud mark the moment as a “glimmer.” Take a moment to thank a higher power or even your child for this special experience. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>3. Think about the meaning behind glimmers. \u003c/b>\u003ca href=\"https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00686/full\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that noticing meaning in activities of daily life is associated with increased happiness. When a glimmer occurs, think about why it is personally significant for you. For example, if your children hug each other, think about how your children having a close sibling bond is so important to you as a parent. If your child says something sweet to you, think about how wonderful it is to be raising a kind child. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>4. Be present.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Glimmers occur in the present moment, so you need to be present to notice them. The \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">research on mindfulness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> suggests that simply being present may have a positive impact on parenting. One way to be more present is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, in which you notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. If your phone is a distraction, as it is for so many of us, try putting it in another room while you are with your child. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>5. Enjoy what you have rather than always wishing it were better. \u003c/b>\u003ca href=\"https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=9b3092c077fea605cce2df2ff58a56a838e6c72b\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that some people tend to be satisfied with what they have while some people are always looking for better. Being satisfied with what you have might help you to experience more glimmers. For example, rather than thinking that you should be on a fabulous beach vacation, notice how nice it is to eat popsicles with your child on a hot summer day. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb>6. Adjust your schedule to make room for glimmers.\u003c/b>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> Notice when and where you experience glimmers. Then try to maximize them in your life by scheduling activities that help you to experience more glimmers. \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"http://www.behavioralactivationtech.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Cuijpers-et-al_2007.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Research\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> finds that intentionally scheduling positive activities that you enjoy improves your mood. For example, you might notice more glimmers when you are outside in nature with your kids or when you are cuddling with you kids in bed. Prioritize these moments with your children and wait for the glimmers to occur naturally!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ci>Cara Goodwin, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, a mother of four and the founder of \u003ca href=\"https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting Translator\u003c/a>, a nonprofit newsletter that turns scientific research into information that is accurate, relevant and useful for parents.\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Dermatologist \u003ca href=\"https://www.houshmanddermatology.com/\">Elizabeth Houshmand\u003c/a> sees a lot of tweens and teens in her Dallas practice. A few months ago, a mother brought her 9-year-old daughter in with a significantly red, itching face. It turns out the daughter had been using a moisturizer that she’d seen \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61126/how-to-help-young-people-limit-screen-time-and-improve-their-body-image\">promoted on social media.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The mom felt so bad,” she says, “because she had purchased it for her. A lot of her friends were using this particular brand’s products.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But neither mother nor child realized that the moisturizer contained glycolic acid, an exfoliating ingredient that can be too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not the product. Those are good products if used by the right person. It’s the fact that it’s the wrong product for that age demographic,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As teens and tweens have become major consumers of skin care products, dermatologists are seeing more of these types of cases. It’s a trend \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61671/teens-say-social-media-is-stressing-them-out-heres-how-to-help-them\">fueled by social media\u003c/a>, which is awash with young influencers demonstrating their multistep skin care routines, some of which feature products that are quite pricey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.uclahealth.org/providers/carol-cheng\">Carol Cheng\u003c/a>, a pediatric dermatologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, says she’s also seeing more kids and adolescents come in with rashes caused by layering on too many products in pursuit of a flawless, poreless look promoted on Instagram and TikTok as “\u003ca href=\"https://www.allure.com/story/how-to-get-glass-skin-korean-beauty\">glass skin\u003c/a>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, that can backfire, causing redness, peeling, flaking, burning,” Cheng says. “And so we see patients coming in for these concerns more than we did a couple years ago, at younger ages.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some cases, she says patients as young as 8 or 9 are coming in with bad reactions to these beauty products.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One problem is that kids — along with their parents — may not realize that some of these viral beauty products include active ingredients, such as chemical exfoliants known as \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6017965/\">AHAs and BHAs\u003c/a>, which help remove dead skin cells and oil. While those ingredients can be appropriate for teens with oily skin, Cheng says they’re too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens who have yet to go through puberty.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Their skin barrier can be compromised more easily,” Cheng says. “Their skin is more sensitive, you know — the skin’s not as robust. And so, any of these products can affect their skin more easily or cause irritation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://metropolisdermatology.com/our-team-dermatology-office-brentwood/jayden-galamgam/\">Jayden Galamgam\u003c/a>, a pediatric dermatology fellow at UCLA, says he has also seen kids come in with \u003ca href=\"https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/6173-contact-dermatitis\">allergic contact dermatitis\u003c/a> caused by repeated exposure to active ingredients. “If your skin repeatedly comes into contact with an ingredient, it can become sensitized to it and you can develop allergic rashes from it,” he explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what should a skin care routine look like for a tween or young teen? Houshmand says to keep it simple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Basic skin care for that demographic should just be just a very mild, gentle cleanser. Maybe some moisturizer and a sunscreen — nothing more,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says for teens battling acne, over-the-counter products with ingredients like \u003ca href=\"https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/18363-benzoyl-peroxide-cream-gel-or-lotion\">benzoyl peroxide\u003c/a> are fine, though it’s a good idea to check in with their pediatrician or a dermatologist.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cheng notes that even though many of the viral beauty products promoted to teens on social media come with hefty price tags, good skin care doesn’t have to cost a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Drugstore products are completely fine and have the same sort of benefits as the fancy ones you can find at Sephora or some of the department stores,” Cheng says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents should be alert to the active ingredients in the products their children are using, Cheng advises, so they can steer their kids away from potential irritants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Houshmand says there are upsides to this social media-fueled interest in skin care. For one thing, kids are learning about the importance of using sunscreen at an earlier age. And it’s also an opportunity to educate teens and tweens that good skin begins with healthy habits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I always tell patients, I can’t give you beautiful skin unless you are healthy and you take care of yourself, because the skin really reflects what’s going on internally,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says exercise, a balanced diet and a good night’s sleep can all play a role not just in good health but in good skin too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story was edited by Jane Greenhalgh.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"npr-transcript\">\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Transcript:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>LEILA FADEL, HOST:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teens and tweens are becoming major consumers of skin care products. Some are responding to young influencers demonstrating pricey skincare routines on social media, but do kids really need them? NPR’s Maria Godoy finds out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>MARIA GODOY, BYLINE: Like a lot of teens, 14-year-old Stella Siers cares about having clear skin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STELLA SIERS: I try and take care of it as much as I can, so if, ooh, I see a pimple, I’m going put a patch on it. I’m going to take care of it, ’cause it’s just important that my face is healthy and looking good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: To keep her skin free of the bumps and pimples that come with adolescence, she relies on a multistep routine that includes an acne face wash, a mild moisturizer, a hydrating serum and sunscreen. One of her favorite products was made famous on TikTok. It’s a watermelon toner which comes in an eye-catching translucent pink bottle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STELLA: I love it. It’s my favorite. I got all of it. That’s, like, the only thing I’m like, ooh, that looks nice – I’m going to get it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: Like millions of other teens and tweens, Stella says she’s tempted to try skin care products that pop up on her social media feed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FADEL: I see it, and I’m like, OK, everyone has this. Let me try it out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: Now, Stella’s mom is a nurse practitioner, so she steers the teen away from ingredients that aren’t appropriate for her age – things like retinol, which increases cell turnover but can also make skin more sensitive to the sun. but not all kids or parents are as aware of potential pitfalls. Dr. Carol Cheng is a pediatric dermatologist at UCLA. She says she’s been seeing more kids and adolescents come in with rashes caused by layering on too many products in pursuit of a flawless look, promoted on Instagram and TikTok as glass skin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>CAROL CHENG: Unfortunately, that can backfire, causing redness, peeling, flaking, burning, and so we see patients coming in for these concerns more than we did a couple years ago, at younger ages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: In some cases, she says, patients as young as 8 or 9 are coming in with bad reactions to these beauty products. One problem is that kids and their parents may not realize that some of these viral beauty products include active ingredients such as chemical exfoliants, known as AHAs and BHAs, that help remove dead skin cells and oil. While those ingredients can be appropriate for teens with oily skin, Cheng says they’re too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>CHENG: Their skin barrier can be compromised more easily. Their skin’s more sensitive. Their skin’s not as robust, and so any of these products can affect their skin more easily and cause irritation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: So what should a skin care routine look like for a tween or young teen? Dr. Elizabeth Houshmand is a dermatologist in Dallas who sees many patients in this age group. Her advice is to keep it simple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>ELIZABETH HOUSHMAND: Basic skin care for that demographic should just be a very mild, gentle cleanser, maybe some moisturizer and a sunscreen – nothing more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: She says for teens battling acne, over-the-counter products with ingredients like benzoyl peroxide are fine, though it’s a good idea to check in with their pediatrician or a dermatologist. Houshmand says one upside of this social-media-fueled interest in skin care is that it’s an opportunity to educate teens and tweens that good skin begins with healthy habits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HOUSHMAND: I always tell patients, I can’t give you beautiful skin unless you are healthy and you take care of yourself because the skin really reflects what’s going on internally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: She says exercise, a balanced diet and a good night’s sleep can all play a role not just in good health, but good skin, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maria Godoy, NPR News.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Dermatologist \u003ca href=\"https://www.houshmanddermatology.com/\">Elizabeth Houshmand\u003c/a> sees a lot of tweens and teens in her Dallas practice. A few months ago, a mother brought her 9-year-old daughter in with a significantly red, itching face. It turns out the daughter had been using a moisturizer that she’d seen \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61126/how-to-help-young-people-limit-screen-time-and-improve-their-body-image\">promoted on social media.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The mom felt so bad,” she says, “because she had purchased it for her. A lot of her friends were using this particular brand’s products.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But neither mother nor child realized that the moisturizer contained glycolic acid, an exfoliating ingredient that can be too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“It’s not the product. Those are good products if used by the right person. It’s the fact that it’s the wrong product for that age demographic,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As teens and tweens have become major consumers of skin care products, dermatologists are seeing more of these types of cases. It’s a trend \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61671/teens-say-social-media-is-stressing-them-out-heres-how-to-help-them\">fueled by social media\u003c/a>, which is awash with young influencers demonstrating their multistep skin care routines, some of which feature products that are quite pricey.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.uclahealth.org/providers/carol-cheng\">Carol Cheng\u003c/a>, a pediatric dermatologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, says she’s also seeing more kids and adolescents come in with rashes caused by layering on too many products in pursuit of a flawless, poreless look promoted on Instagram and TikTok as “\u003ca href=\"https://www.allure.com/story/how-to-get-glass-skin-korean-beauty\">glass skin\u003c/a>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Unfortunately, that can backfire, causing redness, peeling, flaking, burning,” Cheng says. “And so we see patients coming in for these concerns more than we did a couple years ago, at younger ages.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some cases, she says patients as young as 8 or 9 are coming in with bad reactions to these beauty products.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One problem is that kids — along with their parents — may not realize that some of these viral beauty products include active ingredients, such as chemical exfoliants known as \u003ca href=\"https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6017965/\">AHAs and BHAs\u003c/a>, which help remove dead skin cells and oil. While those ingredients can be appropriate for teens with oily skin, Cheng says they’re too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens who have yet to go through puberty.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Their skin barrier can be compromised more easily,” Cheng says. “Their skin is more sensitive, you know — the skin’s not as robust. And so, any of these products can affect their skin more easily or cause irritation.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://metropolisdermatology.com/our-team-dermatology-office-brentwood/jayden-galamgam/\">Jayden Galamgam\u003c/a>, a pediatric dermatology fellow at UCLA, says he has also seen kids come in with \u003ca href=\"https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/6173-contact-dermatitis\">allergic contact dermatitis\u003c/a> caused by repeated exposure to active ingredients. “If your skin repeatedly comes into contact with an ingredient, it can become sensitized to it and you can develop allergic rashes from it,” he explains.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So what should a skin care routine look like for a tween or young teen? Houshmand says to keep it simple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Basic skin care for that demographic should just be just a very mild, gentle cleanser. Maybe some moisturizer and a sunscreen — nothing more,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says for teens battling acne, over-the-counter products with ingredients like \u003ca href=\"https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/18363-benzoyl-peroxide-cream-gel-or-lotion\">benzoyl peroxide\u003c/a> are fine, though it’s a good idea to check in with their pediatrician or a dermatologist.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cheng notes that even though many of the viral beauty products promoted to teens on social media come with hefty price tags, good skin care doesn’t have to cost a lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Drugstore products are completely fine and have the same sort of benefits as the fancy ones you can find at Sephora or some of the department stores,” Cheng says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Parents should be alert to the active ingredients in the products their children are using, Cheng advises, so they can steer their kids away from potential irritants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Houshmand says there are upsides to this social media-fueled interest in skin care. For one thing, kids are learning about the importance of using sunscreen at an earlier age. And it’s also an opportunity to educate teens and tweens that good skin begins with healthy habits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I always tell patients, I can’t give you beautiful skin unless you are healthy and you take care of yourself, because the skin really reflects what’s going on internally,” Houshmand says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She says exercise, a balanced diet and a good night’s sleep can all play a role not just in good health but in good skin too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This story was edited by Jane Greenhalgh.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"npr-transcript\">\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Transcript:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>LEILA FADEL, HOST:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Teens and tweens are becoming major consumers of skin care products. Some are responding to young influencers demonstrating pricey skincare routines on social media, but do kids really need them? NPR’s Maria Godoy finds out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>MARIA GODOY, BYLINE: Like a lot of teens, 14-year-old Stella Siers cares about having clear skin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STELLA SIERS: I try and take care of it as much as I can, so if, ooh, I see a pimple, I’m going put a patch on it. I’m going to take care of it, ’cause it’s just important that my face is healthy and looking good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: To keep her skin free of the bumps and pimples that come with adolescence, she relies on a multistep routine that includes an acne face wash, a mild moisturizer, a hydrating serum and sunscreen. One of her favorite products was made famous on TikTok. It’s a watermelon toner which comes in an eye-catching translucent pink bottle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STELLA: I love it. It’s my favorite. I got all of it. That’s, like, the only thing I’m like, ooh, that looks nice – I’m going to get it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: Like millions of other teens and tweens, Stella says she’s tempted to try skin care products that pop up on her social media feed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>FADEL: I see it, and I’m like, OK, everyone has this. Let me try it out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: Now, Stella’s mom is a nurse practitioner, so she steers the teen away from ingredients that aren’t appropriate for her age – things like retinol, which increases cell turnover but can also make skin more sensitive to the sun. but not all kids or parents are as aware of potential pitfalls. Dr. Carol Cheng is a pediatric dermatologist at UCLA. She says she’s been seeing more kids and adolescents come in with rashes caused by layering on too many products in pursuit of a flawless look, promoted on Instagram and TikTok as glass skin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>CAROL CHENG: Unfortunately, that can backfire, causing redness, peeling, flaking, burning, and so we see patients coming in for these concerns more than we did a couple years ago, at younger ages.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: In some cases, she says, patients as young as 8 or 9 are coming in with bad reactions to these beauty products. One problem is that kids and their parents may not realize that some of these viral beauty products include active ingredients such as chemical exfoliants, known as AHAs and BHAs, that help remove dead skin cells and oil. While those ingredients can be appropriate for teens with oily skin, Cheng says they’re too harsh for the thinner skin of preteens.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>CHENG: Their skin barrier can be compromised more easily. Their skin’s more sensitive. Their skin’s not as robust, and so any of these products can affect their skin more easily and cause irritation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: So what should a skin care routine look like for a tween or young teen? Dr. Elizabeth Houshmand is a dermatologist in Dallas who sees many patients in this age group. Her advice is to keep it simple.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>ELIZABETH HOUSHMAND: Basic skin care for that demographic should just be a very mild, gentle cleanser, maybe some moisturizer and a sunscreen – nothing more.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: She says for teens battling acne, over-the-counter products with ingredients like benzoyl peroxide are fine, though it’s a good idea to check in with their pediatrician or a dermatologist. Houshmand says one upside of this social-media-fueled interest in skin care is that it’s an opportunity to educate teens and tweens that good skin begins with healthy habits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HOUSHMAND: I always tell patients, I can’t give you beautiful skin unless you are healthy and you take care of yourself because the skin really reflects what’s going on internally.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>GODOY: She says exercise, a balanced diet and a good night’s sleep can all play a role not just in good health, but good skin, too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Maria Godoy, NPR News.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"title": "Kindergartners Are Missing a Lot of School. This District Has a Fix",
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"content": "\u003cp>In rural Livingston, Calif., where people are vastly outnumbered by sweet potatoes, something remarkable is happening in the public schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When kindergarten teacher Lupe Fuentes tells her class they have perfect attendance for the day, the roomful of children cheer, “Hip, hip hooray, everybody’s here today!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nearby, gathered on the learning rug in teacher Diana Dickey’s classroom, the kindergartners aren’t cheering: They’ve just been told one of their classmates is absent. Sick, perhaps – though Dickey isn’t sure yet. A few children seem concerned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dickey reminds them to keep the absent boy in their hearts. On the whiteboard, she has drawn a large, dry-erase heart. Above it is a gallery of small, magnetized photos – one for every child in the class. Dickey and the class then move the absent boy’s photo \u003cem>inside\u003c/em> the heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Boom, boom, pow,” they sing together, to the absent boy. “We miss you, and we wish you well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64002\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64002\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On the whiteboard, kindergarten teacher Diana Dickey has drawn a large, dry-erase heart. Above it is a gallery of small, magnetized photos – one for every child in the class. When a student is absent, their photo is moved into the heart. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>These attendance ceremonies may seem small, but they send a powerful message to every child in class: In Livingston, when you miss school, you’re not just absent – you’re \u003cem>missed\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In many K-12 schools across the country, an alarming number of children have been chronically absent – an old problem that COVID-19 made much, much worse. To be considered chronically absent, a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63984/as-chronic-absenteeism-soars-in-schools-most-parents-arent-sure-what-it-is\">student must miss at least 10% of the school year\u003c/a>, usually around 18 school days. According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2024/02/09/1228441120/covid-schools-students-learning\">an analysis by the American Enterprise Institute\u003c/a>, more than 1 in 4 students across the U.S. was chronically absent during the 2022-23 school year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the hardest-hit grades might surprise you: kindergarten.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64001\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64001\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kindergarten teacher Lupe Fuentes waits with students for class to start at Selma Herndon Elementary. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>In California, for example, more than 1 in 3 kindergartners was chronically absent. But the tiny town of Livingston, in California’s sprawling Central Valley, is an outlier – and a powerful lesson in the ways a district can proactively \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63142/early-warning-systems-fall-short-in-combating-absenteeism-at-school\">prevent wide-scale absenteeism.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We were just wowed by what we saw the moment we set foot on Livingston’s campuses,” says Sujie Shin with the California Collaborative for Educational Excellence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shin reviewed attendance data for all of California’s roughly 1,000 school districts, searching for solutions to the absenteeism crisis. She noticed Livingston’s kindergarten absenteeism rate was much lower – nearly 10 percentage points lower – than the state average. She wondered what they were doing that was so \u003cem>right\u003c/em>?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The short answer is: a lot. Here are three things.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>1. Teaching young parents that kindergarten attendance matters\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>During the pandemic, many parents didn’t send their children to preschool or day care, which means they weren’t forming consistent attendance habits until kindergarten.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64000\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For many families, especially post-pandemic, this is the first time you’re actually sharing the responsibility of nurturing and raising your child with another human being,” says Hedy Chang, who founded the nonprofit initiative Attendance Works. She’s considered one of the smartest people in the country when it comes to understanding chronic absenteeism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chang says some kindergarten families simply don’t understand how important it is to be consistent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Attendance is a lot about laying down the line and saying, ‘Hey, we’re gonna get my kid to school every day. And I’m gonna partner with my teacher so this is both engaging and we have the supports we need,’” Chang says. “When we have that experience in kindergarten, we lay the foundation for our future.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The opposite is also true. Chang warns that poor attendance can have a long-term impact. “Chronic absence in kindergarten is associated with not being as likely to read or count proficiently in third grade.\u003cstrong>”\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mayte Ramírez, a principal at one of Livingston’s elementary schools, will often \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63920/building-parent-teacher-relationships-can-be-hard-positive-phone-calls-home-can-help\">pick up the phone and call the families\u003c/a> of absent kindergartners with a warning: Missing one day of kindergarten is like missing three.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The day that they were absent,” Ramírez says, “that’s a whole day.” The second day, they may come back, but they’re so busy catching up, they miss new material. “On the third day, they’re still trying to catch up! So they’re missing three days of instruction. And for littles, that’s huge.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63999\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-63999\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students head to class at Selma Herndon Elementary in Livingston, Calif. \u003ccite>( Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>One Livingston mom, Yolanda, says she learned this lesson the hard way. We agreed to only use Yolanda’s first name because it can be hard to talk about absenteeism. She says that two years ago, when her daughter was in kindergarten, Yolanda let her miss a lot of school. Her daughter wasn’t necessarily sick; there were times she simply didn’t want to go. By the time her daughter got to first grade, she struggled with reading and writing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I realized I shouldn’t have [let her miss class],” Yolanda says. “Now that I have my 5-year-old [son] in kindergarten, I do not let him miss school. He’s only missed one day. So that he doesn’t struggle like his sister.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>2. Helping parents make sense of pandemic health rules\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>During COVID, families were often told: If your child seems sick, keep them home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now though, \u003cem>absenteeism \u003c/em>has become an epidemic, and schools are telling families: Unless your child is really sick (fever, vomiting or diarrhea), they should be in class. It’s a big change, says Rafael Bautista, the father of another Livingston kindergartner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64003\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1300px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64003\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Diana Dickey greets students on their way into class. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When one of his kids gets the sniffles, he wonders, “Should I send them to school like that? Or should I just make sure he is fine? You know? And also, I mean, allergies … you don’t know! Our kids get sick very often.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Livingston has a fix for all this confusion. Her name is Lori Morgan, and she’s the district’s top nurse. She gives families her personal cell number and tells them, if in doubt, call her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was on vacation [recently],” Morgan says with a smile. “I was on the phone and on email with a dozen parents. Yeah, I’m never really \u003cem>off\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Livingston, Nurse Lori, as she’s known, tells families they don’t have to decide if their child is too sick for school. Just meet her or a member of her health staff in the school parking lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You don’t even have to get out of the car. Just stay in the car,” Morgan tells families. “We’ll come out and check your child out.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She may take their temperature, ask a few questions. If a child is truly sick, Morgan says, she helps families get a quick doctor’s appointment at the local health clinic. But, she laughs, “99% of the time they’re well enough to stay.” And so she walks them to class.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Livingston schools, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63951/3-strategies-for-encouraging-dads-involvement-in-schools\">building relationships with families\u003c/a> isn’t a side project. It’s fundamental. And it isn’t just Morgan. Each school site employs a dedicated parent liaison. And at morning drop-off, kindergarten parents are allowed to enter the closed campus and walk their children to a waiting teacher.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our families have a close connection to our schools\u003cem>,\u003c/em>” says Superintendent Andres Zamora, who is wrapping up his 15th year in Livingston.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>3. Making school a place children want to be\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Helping parents see the value of kindergarten and understand post-pandemic health rules can boost attendance, sure. But the most important thing schools can do is make sure kids \u003cem>want\u003c/em> to be there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>“\u003c/em>She is excited for school every morning,” says Erika Zurita, whose daughter is in kindergarten in Livingston. “This spring break, she kept asking me, ‘Are we going to school tomorrow? I miss my teacher, my school, my classmates.’ She loves it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63998\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1300px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-63998\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lupe Fuentes (left) and Yesenia Covarrubias teach a lesson on courage. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>How in the world do you do that? Sujie Shin, with the California Collaborative for Educational Excellence, says the research is clear: One of the best predictors of a child’s success in school is how they answer one, simple question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Is there an adult at school that cares about you? Yes or no? That’s it,” Shin says. “That’s the question that can tell you everything.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And in Livingston, Shin says, it’s clear that teachers and school leaders share “this real intense focus on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63861/how-to-build-mutually-respectful-relationships-with-students-from-day-1\">creating and maintaining relationships\u003c/a> every single moment possible.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At her school, Principal Mayte Ramírez waits outside during morning drop-off, the first face many kids see as they emerge from the bus or idling cars. She flits easily between English and Spanish, which puts many families at ease as more than 80% of the district’s children are Hispanic. It’s not uncommon to hear Ramírez call a child “my heart” or “mi corazón.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When an SUV pulls up a few minutes late, Ramírez finds a little boy in the back seat, folded into a ball of anxiety. He does not want to go to school, and his mother isn’t sure what to do. But Principal Ramírez knows him – and the boy knows her. She opens the rear door, leans all the way in and gently extends her hand to the little boy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Come and help me, my love,” Ramírez says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The little boy unfolds himself, takes his principal’s hand and steps out of the car. Ramírez repays his trust by walking him through the front gates and all the way to his classroom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the way, she assures him, “You’re gonna have a great day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Audio stories produced by Lauren Migaki\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Copyright 2024 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In rural Livingston, Calif., where people are vastly outnumbered by sweet potatoes, something remarkable is happening in the public schools.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When kindergarten teacher Lupe Fuentes tells her class they have perfect attendance for the day, the roomful of children cheer, “Hip, hip hooray, everybody’s here today!”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nearby, gathered on the learning rug in teacher Diana Dickey’s classroom, the kindergartners aren’t cheering: They’ve just been told one of their classmates is absent. Sick, perhaps – though Dickey isn’t sure yet. A few children seem concerned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dickey reminds them to keep the absent boy in their hearts. On the whiteboard, she has drawn a large, dry-erase heart. Above it is a gallery of small, magnetized photos – one for every child in the class. Dickey and the class then move the absent boy’s photo \u003cem>inside\u003c/em> the heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Boom, boom, pow,” they sing together, to the absent boy. “We miss you, and we wish you well.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64002\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64002\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder2-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">On the whiteboard, kindergarten teacher Diana Dickey has drawn a large, dry-erase heart. Above it is a gallery of small, magnetized photos – one for every child in the class. When a student is absent, their photo is moved into the heart. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>These attendance ceremonies may seem small, but they send a powerful message to every child in class: In Livingston, when you miss school, you’re not just absent – you’re \u003cem>missed\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In many K-12 schools across the country, an alarming number of children have been chronically absent – an old problem that COVID-19 made much, much worse. To be considered chronically absent, a \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63984/as-chronic-absenteeism-soars-in-schools-most-parents-arent-sure-what-it-is\">student must miss at least 10% of the school year\u003c/a>, usually around 18 school days. According to \u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/2024/02/09/1228441120/covid-schools-students-learning\">an analysis by the American Enterprise Institute\u003c/a>, more than 1 in 4 students across the U.S. was chronically absent during the 2022-23 school year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the hardest-hit grades might surprise you: kindergarten.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64001\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64001\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder3-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Kindergarten teacher Lupe Fuentes waits with students for class to start at Selma Herndon Elementary. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>In California, for example, more than 1 in 3 kindergartners was chronically absent. But the tiny town of Livingston, in California’s sprawling Central Valley, is an outlier – and a powerful lesson in the ways a district can proactively \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63142/early-warning-systems-fall-short-in-combating-absenteeism-at-school\">prevent wide-scale absenteeism.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“We were just wowed by what we saw the moment we set foot on Livingston’s campuses,” says Sujie Shin with the California Collaborative for Educational Excellence.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Shin reviewed attendance data for all of California’s roughly 1,000 school districts, searching for solutions to the absenteeism crisis. She noticed Livingston’s kindergarten absenteeism rate was much lower – nearly 10 percentage points lower – than the state average. She wondered what they were doing that was so \u003cem>right\u003c/em>?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The short answer is: a lot. Here are three things.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>1. Teaching young parents that kindergarten attendance matters\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>During the pandemic, many parents didn’t send their children to preschool or day care, which means they weren’t forming consistent attendance habits until kindergarten.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64000\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder4-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“For many families, especially post-pandemic, this is the first time you’re actually sharing the responsibility of nurturing and raising your child with another human being,” says Hedy Chang, who founded the nonprofit initiative Attendance Works. She’s considered one of the smartest people in the country when it comes to understanding chronic absenteeism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chang says some kindergarten families simply don’t understand how important it is to be consistent.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Attendance is a lot about laying down the line and saying, ‘Hey, we’re gonna get my kid to school every day. And I’m gonna partner with my teacher so this is both engaging and we have the supports we need,’” Chang says. “When we have that experience in kindergarten, we lay the foundation for our future.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The opposite is also true. Chang warns that poor attendance can have a long-term impact. “Chronic absence in kindergarten is associated with not being as likely to read or count proficiently in third grade.\u003cstrong>”\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mayte Ramírez, a principal at one of Livingston’s elementary schools, will often \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63920/building-parent-teacher-relationships-can-be-hard-positive-phone-calls-home-can-help\">pick up the phone and call the families\u003c/a> of absent kindergartners with a warning: Missing one day of kindergarten is like missing three.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“The day that they were absent,” Ramírez says, “that’s a whole day.” The second day, they may come back, but they’re so busy catching up, they miss new material. “On the third day, they’re still trying to catch up! So they’re missing three days of instruction. And for littles, that’s huge.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63999\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 700px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-63999\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"700\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5.jpeg 700w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder5-160x107.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Students head to class at Selma Herndon Elementary in Livingston, Calif. \u003ccite>( Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>One Livingston mom, Yolanda, says she learned this lesson the hard way. We agreed to only use Yolanda’s first name because it can be hard to talk about absenteeism. She says that two years ago, when her daughter was in kindergarten, Yolanda let her miss a lot of school. Her daughter wasn’t necessarily sick; there were times she simply didn’t want to go. By the time her daughter got to first grade, she struggled with reading and writing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I realized I shouldn’t have [let her miss class],” Yolanda says. “Now that I have my 5-year-old [son] in kindergarten, I do not let him miss school. He’s only missed one day. So that he doesn’t struggle like his sister.”\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>2. Helping parents make sense of pandemic health rules\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>During COVID, families were often told: If your child seems sick, keep them home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now though, \u003cem>absenteeism \u003c/em>has become an epidemic, and schools are telling families: Unless your child is really sick (fever, vomiting or diarrhea), they should be in class. It’s a big change, says Rafael Bautista, the father of another Livingston kindergartner.\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_64003\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1300px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-64003\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder-extra-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Diana Dickey greets students on their way into class. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>When one of his kids gets the sniffles, he wonders, “Should I send them to school like that? Or should I just make sure he is fine? You know? And also, I mean, allergies … you don’t know! Our kids get sick very often.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Livingston has a fix for all this confusion. Her name is Lori Morgan, and she’s the district’s top nurse. She gives families her personal cell number and tells them, if in doubt, call her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“I was on vacation [recently],” Morgan says with a smile. “I was on the phone and on email with a dozen parents. Yeah, I’m never really \u003cem>off\u003c/em>.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Livingston, Nurse Lori, as she’s known, tells families they don’t have to decide if their child is too sick for school. Just meet her or a member of her health staff in the school parking lot.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“You don’t even have to get out of the car. Just stay in the car,” Morgan tells families. “We’ll come out and check your child out.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She may take their temperature, ask a few questions. If a child is truly sick, Morgan says, she helps families get a quick doctor’s appointment at the local health clinic. But, she laughs, “99% of the time they’re well enough to stay.” And so she walks them to class.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Livingston schools, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63951/3-strategies-for-encouraging-dads-involvement-in-schools\">building relationships with families\u003c/a> isn’t a side project. It’s fundamental. And it isn’t just Morgan. Each school site employs a dedicated parent liaison. And at morning drop-off, kindergarten parents are allowed to enter the closed campus and walk their children to a waiting teacher.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Our families have a close connection to our schools\u003cem>,\u003c/em>” says Superintendent Andres Zamora, who is wrapping up his 15th year in Livingston.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>3. Making school a place children want to be\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>Helping parents see the value of kindergarten and understand post-pandemic health rules can boost attendance, sure. But the most important thing schools can do is make sure kids \u003cem>want\u003c/em> to be there.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>“\u003c/em>She is excited for school every morning,” says Erika Zurita, whose daughter is in kindergarten in Livingston. “This spring break, she kept asking me, ‘Are we going to school tomorrow? I miss my teacher, my school, my classmates.’ She loves it.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_63998\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 1300px\">\u003cimg loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-63998\" src=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1300\" height=\"867\" srcset=\"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6.jpeg 1300w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-800x534.jpeg 800w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-1020x680.jpeg 1020w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-160x107.jpeg 160w, https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2024/06/kinder6-768x512.jpeg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1300px) 100vw, 1300px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Lupe Fuentes (left) and Yesenia Covarrubias teach a lesson on courage. \u003ccite>(Preston Gannaway for NPR)\u003c/cite>\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>How in the world do you do that? Sujie Shin, with the California Collaborative for Educational Excellence, says the research is clear: One of the best predictors of a child’s success in school is how they answer one, simple question.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Is there an adult at school that cares about you? Yes or no? That’s it,” Shin says. “That’s the question that can tell you everything.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And in Livingston, Shin says, it’s clear that teachers and school leaders share “this real intense focus on \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63861/how-to-build-mutually-respectful-relationships-with-students-from-day-1\">creating and maintaining relationships\u003c/a> every single moment possible.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At her school, Principal Mayte Ramírez waits outside during morning drop-off, the first face many kids see as they emerge from the bus or idling cars. She flits easily between English and Spanish, which puts many families at ease as more than 80% of the district’s children are Hispanic. It’s not uncommon to hear Ramírez call a child “my heart” or “mi corazón.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When an SUV pulls up a few minutes late, Ramírez finds a little boy in the back seat, folded into a ball of anxiety. He does not want to go to school, and his mother isn’t sure what to do. But Principal Ramírez knows him – and the boy knows her. She opens the rear door, leans all the way in and gently extends her hand to the little boy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>“Come and help me, my love,” Ramírez says.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The little boy unfolds himself, takes his principal’s hand and steps out of the car. Ramírez repays his trust by walking him through the front gates and all the way to his classroom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the way, she assures him, “You’re gonna have a great day.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Audio stories produced by Lauren Migaki\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"tagline": "The flip side of gentrification, told through one town",
"info": "Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?",
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"tagline": "Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time",
"info": "KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.",
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"info": "KQED’s statewide radio news program providing daily coverage of issues, trends and public policy decisions.",
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"order": 8
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},
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"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
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"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
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"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
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"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"order": 9
},
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"hidden-brain": {
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"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
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"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
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"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
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"order": 18
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"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
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"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
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},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
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"source": "American Public Media"
},
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"rss": "https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/marketplace-pm/rss/rss"
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},
"masters-of-scale": {
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"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
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"source": "WaitWhat"
},
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"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
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"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
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