window.__IS_SSR__=true
window.__INITIAL_STATE__={
"attachmentsReducer": {
"audio_0": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "audio_0",
"imgSizes": {
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/themes/KQED-unified/img/audio_bgs/background0.jpg"
}
}
},
"audio_1": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "audio_1",
"imgSizes": {
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/themes/KQED-unified/img/audio_bgs/background1.jpg"
}
}
},
"audio_2": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "audio_2",
"imgSizes": {
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/themes/KQED-unified/img/audio_bgs/background2.jpg"
}
}
},
"audio_3": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "audio_3",
"imgSizes": {
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/themes/KQED-unified/img/audio_bgs/background3.jpg"
}
}
},
"audio_4": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "audio_4",
"imgSizes": {
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/themes/KQED-unified/img/audio_bgs/background4.jpg"
}
}
},
"placeholder": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "placeholder",
"imgSizes": {
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-160x107.jpg",
"width": 160,
"height": 107,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-800x533.jpg",
"width": 800,
"height": 533,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-768x512.jpg",
"width": 768,
"height": 512,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"large": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1020x680.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"height": 680,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"1536x1536": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1536x1024.jpg",
"width": 1536,
"height": 1024,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1536x1024.jpg",
"width": 1536,
"height": 1024,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1020x680.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"height": 680,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-800x533.jpg",
"width": 800,
"height": 533,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"height": 372,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"height": 576,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-160x107.jpg",
"width": 160,
"height": 107,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"height": 372,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"small": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"height": 372,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1020x680.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"height": 680,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1-1920x1280.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1280,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 32,
"height": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 50,
"height": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 64,
"height": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 96,
"height": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 128,
"height": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-1333x1333-1-160x160.jpg",
"width": 160,
"height": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg"
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/KQED-Default-Image-816638274-2000x1333-1.jpg",
"width": 2000,
"height": 1333
}
}
},
"pop_98859": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_98859",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "98859",
"found": true
},
"parent": 97771,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800.jpg",
"width": 3200,
"height": 1800
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"complete_open_graph": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1200x675.jpg",
"width": 1200,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 675
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1517041216,
"modified": 1517086612,
"caption": "Albert is going to have a meltdown for no reason in 3, 2, 1... Photo: Masterpiece",
"description": null,
"title": "victoria-s2-get-ready-3200x1800",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_98650": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_98650",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "98650",
"found": true
},
"parent": 97769,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1080
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"complete_open_graph": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1200x675.jpg",
"width": 1200,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 675
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-love-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1516610588,
"modified": 1516610588,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "puppy love",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_98390": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_98390",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "98390",
"found": true
},
"parent": 97767,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-520x293.png",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1038x576.png",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-160x90.png",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-960x542.png",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 542
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-672x372.png",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-375x212.png",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 212
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2.png",
"width": 2410,
"height": 1360
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1020x576.png",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 576
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1180x666.png",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 666
},
"complete_open_graph": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1200x677.png",
"width": 1200,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 677
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-50x50.png",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-96x96.png",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-800x451.png",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 451
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-64x64.png",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-32x32.png",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1920x1083.png",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 1083
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1180x666.png",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 666
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-1920x1083.png",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 1083
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-150x150.png",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-768x433.png",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 433
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-128x128.png",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-baby-season-2-240x135.png",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/png",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1515478460,
"modified": 1515478460,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "victoria baby season 2",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_96518": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_96518",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96518",
"found": true
},
"parent": 96435,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1080
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/DWS-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1506978814,
"modified": 1506978843,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "DWS Logo",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_96659": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_96659",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96659",
"found": true
},
"parent": 96652,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1080
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-semi-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1507506461,
"modified": 1507506461,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Print",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_96557": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_96557",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96557",
"found": true
},
"parent": 96435,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1080
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1507144426,
"modified": 1507144452,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Drama World Series",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_68488": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_68488",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "68488",
"found": true
},
"parent": 68220,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-520x427.gif",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 427
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-160x131.gif",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 131
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-662x372.gif",
"width": 662,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-375x308.gif",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 308
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria.gif",
"width": 662,
"height": 544
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-50x50.gif",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-96x96.gif",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 96
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-64x64.gif",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 64
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-150x150.gif",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 150
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-32x32.gif",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 32
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-128x128.gif",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/victoria-240x197.gif",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/gif",
"height": 197
}
},
"publishDate": 1488925962,
"modified": 1488925962,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "victoria",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_67936": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_67936",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "67936",
"found": true
},
"parent": 56546,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-520x347.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 347
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-160x107.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 107
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-960x640.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 640
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-375x250.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 250
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-e1488826727917.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1280
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1020x680.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 680
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1180x787.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 787
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-800x533.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 533
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1920x1280.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1280
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1180x787.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 787
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-1920x1280.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1280
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-768x512.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 512
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22-240x160.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 160
}
},
"publishDate": 1488697751,
"modified": 1488697821,
"caption": "Photo: ITV",
"description": null,
"title": "VICTORIA_EPISODE8__22",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_65121": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_65121",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "65121",
"found": true
},
"parent": 56544,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-520x292.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 292
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train.jpg",
"width": 1202,
"height": 676
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/victoria-train-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1487381696,
"modified": 1487381696,
"caption": null,
"description": null,
"title": "victoria-train",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_64133": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_64133",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "64133",
"found": true
},
"parent": 63683,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic.jpg",
"width": 1500,
"height": 844
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1486950228,
"modified": 1486950245,
"caption": "Photo: ITV / Masterpiece",
"description": null,
"title": "vic",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_62819": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_62819",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "62819",
"found": true
},
"parent": 56540,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-520x346.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 346
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-160x106.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 106
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-960x639.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 639
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-375x250.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 250
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304.jpg",
"width": 3372,
"height": 2244
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1020x679.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 679
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1180x785.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 785
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-800x532.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 532
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1920x1278.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1278
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1180x785.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 785
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-1920x1278.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1278
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-768x511.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 511
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/117304-240x160.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 160
}
},
"publishDate": 1486344778,
"modified": 1486344850,
"caption": "Photo",
"description": null,
"title": "117304",
"credit": "Photo: ITV / Masterpiece",
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
},
"pop_61589": {
"type": "attachments",
"id": "pop_61589",
"meta": {
"index": "attachments_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "61589",
"found": true
},
"parent": 56538,
"imgSizes": {
"small": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-520x293.jpg",
"width": 520,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 293
},
"twentyfourteen-full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1038x576.jpg",
"width": 1038,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 576
},
"thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-160x90.jpg",
"width": 160,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 90
},
"fd-sm": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-960x540.jpg",
"width": 960,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 540
},
"post-thumbnail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-672x372.jpg",
"width": 672,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 372
},
"xsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-375x211.jpg",
"width": 375,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 211
},
"kqedFullSize": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"height": 1080
},
"large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1020x574.jpg",
"width": 1020,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 574
},
"xlarge": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"guest-author-50": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-50x50.jpg",
"width": 50,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 50
},
"guest-author-96": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-96x96.jpg",
"width": 96,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 96
},
"medium": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-800x450.jpg",
"width": 800,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 450
},
"guest-author-64": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-64x64.jpg",
"width": 64,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 64
},
"guest-author-32": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-32x32.jpg",
"width": 32,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 32
},
"fd-lrg": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"fd-med": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1180x664.jpg",
"width": 1180,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 664
},
"full-width": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-1920x1080.jpg",
"width": 1920,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 1080
},
"detail": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-150x150.jpg",
"width": 150,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 150
},
"medium_large": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-768x432.jpg",
"width": 768,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 432
},
"guest-author-128": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-128x128.jpg",
"width": 128,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 128
},
"xxsmall": {
"file": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080-240x135.jpg",
"width": 240,
"mimeType": "image/jpeg",
"height": 135
}
},
"publishDate": 1485755191,
"modified": 1485755205,
"caption": "Photo: Masterpiece",
"description": null,
"title": "victoria-s1-e3-poster-albert-1920x1080",
"credit": null,
"status": "inherit",
"isLoading": false,
"fetchFailed": false
}
},
"audioPlayerReducer": {
"postId": "stream_live",
"isPaused": true,
"isPlaying": false,
"pfsActive": false,
"pledgeModalIsOpen": true,
"playerDrawerIsOpen": false,
"liveAudioPlayStartedAt": 0,
"liveAudioPlayContext": ""
},
"authorsReducer": {
"ehapsis": {
"type": "authors",
"id": "27",
"meta": {
"index": "authors_1716337520",
"id": "27",
"found": true
},
"name": "Emmanuel Hapsis",
"firstName": "Emmanuel",
"lastName": "Hapsis",
"slug": "ehapsis",
"email": "ehapsis@kqed.org",
"display_author_email": false,
"staff_mastheads": [],
"title": "KQED Contributor",
"bio": "Emmanuel Hapsis is the creator and editor of KQED Pop and also the host of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">The Cooler\u003c/a>\u003c/em>. He studied creative writing at University of Maryland and went on to receive his MFA in the field from California College of the Arts. In his free time, he sings his heart out at karaoke.",
"avatar": "https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/6302b6f7ef8b2dcd3acd9e2c6bc570b7?s=600&d=blank&r=g",
"twitter": "xcusemybeauty",
"facebook": null,
"instagram": null,
"linkedin": null,
"sites": [
{
"site": "arts",
"roles": [
"Contributor",
"subscriber"
]
},
{
"site": "pop",
"roles": [
"contributor"
]
}
],
"headData": {
"title": "Emmanuel Hapsis | KQED",
"description": "KQED Contributor",
"ogImgSrc": "https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/6302b6f7ef8b2dcd3acd9e2c6bc570b7?s=600&d=blank&r=g",
"twImgSrc": "https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/6302b6f7ef8b2dcd3acd9e2c6bc570b7?s=600&d=blank&r=g"
},
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/author/ehapsis"
}
},
"pagesReducer": {
"pop_tag_victoria": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_2931",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "2931",
"score": 10.400473
},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Victoria",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Victoria Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 2931,
"slug": "victoria",
"isLoading": false,
"title": "Victoria",
"pageMeta": {
"site": "pop",
"WpPageTemplate": "page-topic-editorial",
"currentPage": 2
},
"blocks": [
{
"blockName": "kqed/post-list",
"attrs": {
"layout": "cardArticle2",
"query": "posts/pop?tag=victoria",
"seeMore": false,
"paginated": true,
"page": 2
}
},
{
"blockName": "kqed/ad"
}
]
}
},
"pfsSessionReducer": {},
"postsReducer": {
"stream_live": {
"type": "live",
"id": "stream_live",
"audioUrl": "https://streams.kqed.org/kqedradio",
"title": "Live Stream",
"excerpt": "Live Stream information currently unavailable.",
"link": "/radio",
"featImg": "",
"label": {
"name": "KQED Live",
"link": "/"
}
},
"stream_kqedNewscast": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "stream_kqedNewscast",
"audioUrl": "https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/RDnews/newscast.mp3?_=1",
"title": "KQED Newscast",
"featImg": "",
"label": {
"name": "88.5 FM",
"link": "/"
}
},
"pop_97771": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_97771",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "97771",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1517190954000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1517190954,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"l9N3FI3K0vd1X18rdMBt45JcTZRvD0tR\"]In \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/22/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love/\">the previous episode of \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, Albert found out his uncle might actually be his dad, one of the Most Likely Gays got engaged to a human woman, and, oh yeah, DASH DIED! Will Albert keep processing his incestuous family's twisted revelations by getting so drunk he hallucinates elves? Will society pause on all the homophobia long enough to allow the Most Likely Gays to skip that whole being-miserable-in-the-closet-for-a-lifetime thing and just live happily ever after? Will Dash rise on the third day and bark, \u003cem>Just kidding! Nothing this cute could ever die!\u003c/em>? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find Victoria and the Prime Minister with very concerned looks on their faces. Over the widening gulf between the classes and the rising rates of poverty and starvation? Not so much. They're miffed about the king of France wanting to marry his son to the queen of Spain. Because she's underage and the match is being made against her will? Again, not so much. They simply don't want the French creating an empire across Europe using marriage; only Victoria's family should get to do that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/hypocrisy-meter-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/hypocrisy-meter-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"295\" height=\"289\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert is so upset about Uncle Leopold probably being Daddy Leopold that, for once, he doesn't chime in with his unsolicited opinion. That's never happened before!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He tries to calm down by going into the next room to sketch his own face (naturally), but soon realizes he hates all of his features because they're the same as Leopold's! (Um, my dude, your entire family is related to itself, so this was always true.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being the mature adult that he is, Albert proceeds to pour an entire ink bottle onto his sketch and all over the table. Sure, it's weird that your uncle boinked your mom, but don't take it out on the antique desk! Who's going to clean all this up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/spill-coke-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98821\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/spill-coke-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(Spoiler: probably one of the impoverished servants.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria is writing in her journal, which is resting on HER PREGNANT STOMACH?!?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98822\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1020x666.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"418\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1020x666.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-800x523.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-768x502.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1200x784.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1920x1255.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1180x771.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-960x627.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-520x340.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it.jpg 2014w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ohhhh, nevermind! She had her knees up. Phew! I really just need a single episode where she's not knocked up, okay? We've been through that storyline enough for now, thank you very much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, it's decided that Victoria doesn't want to simply butt into France and Spain's matchmaking via letter; she'd rather mind other's people's business up close and in person. With an invite list that includes both the Most Likely Gays (oooooh la la!) and a little purse with Dash embroidered on it (awwww la la!), they make their way to France.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upon arriving, the French king kisses Victoria on both cheeks (oh mon dieu!). In the coach to the chateau, the Duchess of Buccleuch shares how much she hated that the king put his lips all over the queen as if she were just some washwoman. The topic of making out is enough to get the Most Likely Gays heart-eyeing each other again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98824\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1020x591.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"371\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1020x591.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-800x464.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-768x445.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1200x696.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1920x1113.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1180x684.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-960x557.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-240x139.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-375x217.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-520x301.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1020x664.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"417\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1020x664.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-800x521.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-768x500.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1200x782.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1920x1251.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1180x769.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-960x625.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-240x156.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-375x244.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is very much taken with the weird bright orb in the sky they have here in France. Everyone's seasonal affective disorder clears right up. \u003cem>Let's never go back to that damp sadness we call a country\u003c/em>, everyone agrees.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wait! Hold up! Hit pause on the Let's-Ditch-England-For-France's-Marginally-Better-Weather plan because these people are *French R pronunciation* RRHUDE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98827\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1020x733.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"460\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1020x733.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-160x115.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-800x575.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-768x552.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1200x862.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1920x1379.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1180x848.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-960x690.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-240x172.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-375x269.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-520x374.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What exactly is your problem, miss? Dash was supremely beautiful and deserves to be commemorated not only via embroidered bags, but also via face tattoos. Comment dit-on \"HOW DARE YOU!\" en français?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside the chateau, Albert realizes he is way too much of a prude for the French aesthetic. \"This painting! 'Tis not to my taste!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98828\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1020x578.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"363\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1020x578.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-160x91.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-800x454.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-768x436.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1200x681.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1920x1089.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1180x669.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-960x544.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-240x136.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-375x213.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-520x295.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Translation: He hates big butts and he cannot lie.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Queen's bedroom, Victoria is feeling insecure about being the only woman in the country without three inches of makeup caked on. Babyface Maid gets the lowdown on all the products the women in France use: rouge, eyeliner, boob cream, and a creepy mask that secures hunks of veal to one's face. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's raw meat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/meat-mask.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98829\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/meat-mask.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria makes a grand makeup-to-the-max entrance:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98830\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, because there's a handful of gussied-up women present, Ernst magically appears out of nowhere to say, \u003cem>Woah, Victoria! You look like a whore! I love it!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, all the rich people eat tiny baby chicks because PETA doesn't exist yet to make them feel bad about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Down the table, the Oh C'mon Just Be Gays are inspired by a towering phallic dessert...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98834\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1020x817.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"513\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1020x817.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-800x641.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-768x615.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1200x961.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1920x1538.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1180x945.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-960x769.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-240x192.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-375x300.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-520x417.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1.jpg 2002w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98832\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1020x619.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1020x619.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-800x485.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-768x466.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1200x728.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1920x1165.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1180x716.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-960x583.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-240x146.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-375x228.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-520x316.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and non-subtly flirt a bit:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Blond Most Likely Gay:\u003c/strong> \"I'm prepared to be led into temptation. What about you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Brunette Most Likely Gay:\u003c/strong> \"I think to refuse such a creation might cause a diplomatic incident.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT DESSERT! THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT GETTING NAKED TOGETHER! JUST DO IT™!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Albert decides to fit in a tantrum before bedtime over how artificial, deceitful, vulgar, and impure the French are. \u003cem>They're all ginormous whores! Why can't they all wear chastity belts?! Why did my mom have to sleep with my uncle?! Waaaaahhhh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/baby-cry-mask.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98835\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/baby-cry-mask.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"352\" height=\"193\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert then cries over how sad Victoria's new makeup makes him:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie-drag.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98836\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie-drag.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He pleads: \"Please never do it again! I do not know if I could bear it!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>YEESH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can you imagine being married to a man that has an emotional breakdown every time you put colored lip balm on?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dump-him-latrice.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98837\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dump-him-latrice.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert lectures his slutty brother Ernst on how he should keep it in his pants. Ernst is like, \u003cem>HA! AS IF! You realize I've already contracted syphilis at least nine times, right?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like Albert, the Duchess of Buccleuch is also being a terrible killjoy. She hates all the rampant seduction going on, and don't get her started on the phallic food!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98839\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1020x1236.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"776\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1020x1236.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-160x194.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-800x970.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-768x931.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-990x1200.jpg 990w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1180x1430.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-960x1164.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-240x291.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-375x455.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-520x630.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread.jpg 1330w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of phalluses, while on a walk with Albert, the Most Likely Gays decide to TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES AND GO SKINNY DIPPING TOGETHER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This totally sounds like one of my exaggerated jokes, but it's not!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98840\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1020x746.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"468\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1020x746.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-160x117.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-800x585.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-768x561.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1200x877.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1920x1403.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1180x862.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-960x702.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-240x175.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-375x274.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-520x380.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98843\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1020x666.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"418\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1020x666.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1200x783.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1920x1253.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1180x770.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-960x627.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98844\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1020x719.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"451\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1020x719.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-160x113.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-800x564.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-768x541.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1200x846.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1920x1353.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1180x832.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-960x677.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-240x169.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-375x264.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-520x367.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98847\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1020x691.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"434\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1020x691.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-800x542.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-768x520.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1200x813.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1920x1301.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1180x800.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-960x651.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-240x163.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-375x254.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-520x352.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98841\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1020x605.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1020x605.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-800x474.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-768x455.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1200x712.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1920x1139.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1180x700.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-960x569.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-240x142.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-375x222.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-520x308.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98842\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1020x838.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"526\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1020x838.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-160x131.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-800x657.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-768x631.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1200x986.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1920x1577.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1180x969.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-960x789.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-240x197.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-375x308.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-520x427.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt.jpg 1960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98855\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1020x1185.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"744\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1020x1185.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-160x186.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-800x929.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-768x892.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1033x1200.jpg 1033w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1180x1371.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-960x1115.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-240x279.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-375x436.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-520x604.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm.jpg 1374w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98854\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1020x1081.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"678\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1020x1081.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-160x170.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-800x848.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-768x814.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1133x1200.jpg 1133w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1180x1250.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-960x1017.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-240x254.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-375x397.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-520x551.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye.jpg 1510w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My feelings on this scene can best be described by the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/give.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98851\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/give.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"408\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/praise-god-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98852 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/praise-god-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Albert finally tells Victoria about his daddy issues. She's like, \u003cem>You know what'll make you feel better? Meddling in the life of an underage Spanish queen! \u003c/em>They go downstairs and tag-team negotiate with the French king. All parties agree that they won't try to make the Spanish queen marry one of their relatives. Cool. Glad they decided that without any consideration for what the queen actually wants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following week, Victoria and Albert are back in England, still enjoying the residual vacay vibes and going over their successful Instagram posts from France.\u003cem> Look, Albert! This one of you swimming completely naked with the Most Likely Gays got 100 likes!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All is well until news breaks that the French king totally played them. His son is now engaged to the Spanish queen. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert feels duped and betrayed, but Victoria sees a silver lining: at least they worked as a team for once and got schooled together! Isn't that romantic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, with the Uncle/Daddy Leopold drama out of the bag, they have no secrets between them. Well, except for one, she cheekily says, before revealing that she is once again pregnant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/are-you-fucking-kidding-me-bridesmaids.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-39749\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/are-you-fucking-kidding-me-bridesmaids.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/no-please-god-no-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97254\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/no-please-god-no-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wendy-cant.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98856\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wendy-cant.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"148\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>He needs to stop policing other people's sex lives. He also needs to stop having meltdowns over whether Victoria wants to put on lipgloss or not. But most of all, he needs to stop being so damn fertile!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>ANOTHER PIECE OF COAL: Rude French Rando Who Had the Audacity to Make Fun of the Dash Purse.\u003c/strong> I never forget a slight against my favorite pooch. Someone dust off and roll out the guillotine!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: The Duchess of Buccleuch. \u003c/strong>Sure, she was a wet blanket the entire trip, but I agree with her on one count: French food sucks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: The Queen of Spain. \u003c/strong>Poor girl can't even have any fun \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>-esque single adventures before people she's never met chain her to some old random foreign dude who will just knock her up and cheat on her behind her back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: That Waterfall Lake. \u003c/strong>Thanks for existing in the right place at the right time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: The Most Likely Gays. \u003c/strong>They didn't make out, but this was maybe better?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "97771 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=97771",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/28/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 1747,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 101
},
"modified": 1551664094,
"excerpt": "The gang heads to France, where Albert has a meltdown over what a whore everyone is. But that doesn't stop some naked action from taking place in a waterfall (dieu merci)!",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "The gang heads to France, where Albert has a meltdown over what a whore everyone is. But that doesn't stop some naked action from taking place in a waterfall (dieu merci)!",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues",
"datePublished": "2018-01-28T17:55:54-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:48:14-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/22/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love/\">the previous episode of \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, Albert found out his uncle might actually be his dad, one of the Most Likely Gays got engaged to a human woman, and, oh yeah, DASH DIED! Will Albert keep processing his incestuous family's twisted revelations by getting so drunk he hallucinates elves? Will society pause on all the homophobia long enough to allow the Most Likely Gays to skip that whole being-miserable-in-the-closet-for-a-lifetime thing and just live happily ever after? Will Dash rise on the third day and bark, \u003cem>Just kidding! Nothing this cute could ever die!\u003c/em>? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find Victoria and the Prime Minister with very concerned looks on their faces. Over the widening gulf between the classes and the rising rates of poverty and starvation? Not so much. They're miffed about the king of France wanting to marry his son to the queen of Spain. Because she's underage and the match is being made against her will? Again, not so much. They simply don't want the French creating an empire across Europe using marriage; only Victoria's family should get to do that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/hypocrisy-meter-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/hypocrisy-meter-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"295\" height=\"289\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert is so upset about Uncle Leopold probably being Daddy Leopold that, for once, he doesn't chime in with his unsolicited opinion. That's never happened before!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He tries to calm down by going into the next room to sketch his own face (naturally), but soon realizes he hates all of his features because they're the same as Leopold's! (Um, my dude, your entire family is related to itself, so this was always true.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Being the mature adult that he is, Albert proceeds to pour an entire ink bottle onto his sketch and all over the table. Sure, it's weird that your uncle boinked your mom, but don't take it out on the antique desk! Who's going to clean all this up?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/spill-coke-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98821\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/spill-coke-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"214\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>(Spoiler: probably one of the impoverished servants.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria is writing in her journal, which is resting on HER PREGNANT STOMACH?!?!?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98822\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1020x666.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"418\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1020x666.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-800x523.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-768x502.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1200x784.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1920x1255.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-1180x771.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-960x627.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it-520x340.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stop-it.jpg 2014w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ohhhh, nevermind! She had her knees up. Phew! I really just need a single episode where she's not knocked up, okay? We've been through that storyline enough for now, thank you very much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, it's decided that Victoria doesn't want to simply butt into France and Spain's matchmaking via letter; she'd rather mind other's people's business up close and in person. With an invite list that includes both the Most Likely Gays (oooooh la la!) and a little purse with Dash embroidered on it (awwww la la!), they make their way to France.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upon arriving, the French king kisses Victoria on both cheeks (oh mon dieu!). In the coach to the chateau, the Duchess of Buccleuch shares how much she hated that the king put his lips all over the queen as if she were just some washwoman. The topic of making out is enough to get the Most Likely Gays heart-eyeing each other again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98824\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1020x591.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"371\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1020x591.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-800x464.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-768x445.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1200x696.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1920x1113.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-1180x684.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-960x557.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-240x139.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-375x217.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-2-520x301.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1020x664.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"417\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1020x664.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-800x521.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-768x500.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1200x782.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1920x1251.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-1180x769.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-960x625.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-240x156.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-375x244.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-1-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is very much taken with the weird bright orb in the sky they have here in France. Everyone's seasonal affective disorder clears right up. \u003cem>Let's never go back to that damp sadness we call a country\u003c/em>, everyone agrees.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wait! Hold up! Hit pause on the Let's-Ditch-England-For-France's-Marginally-Better-Weather plan because these people are *French R pronunciation* RRHUDE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98827\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1020x733.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"460\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1020x733.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-160x115.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-800x575.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-768x552.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1200x862.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1920x1379.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-1180x848.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-960x690.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-240x172.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-375x269.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/ONSD-520x374.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What exactly is your problem, miss? Dash was supremely beautiful and deserves to be commemorated not only via embroidered bags, but also via face tattoos. Comment dit-on \"HOW DARE YOU!\" en français?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside the chateau, Albert realizes he is way too much of a prude for the French aesthetic. \"This painting! 'Tis not to my taste!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98828\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1020x578.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"363\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1020x578.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-160x91.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-800x454.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-768x436.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1200x681.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1920x1089.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-1180x669.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-960x544.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-240x136.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-375x213.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-art-520x295.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Translation: He hates big butts and he cannot lie.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Queen's bedroom, Victoria is feeling insecure about being the only woman in the country without three inches of makeup caked on. Babyface Maid gets the lowdown on all the products the women in France use: rouge, eyeliner, boob cream, and a creepy mask that secures hunks of veal to one's face. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's raw meat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/meat-mask.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98829\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/meat-mask.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria makes a grand makeup-to-the-max entrance:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98830\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, because there's a handful of gussied-up women present, Ernst magically appears out of nowhere to say, \u003cem>Woah, Victoria! You look like a whore! I love it!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner, all the rich people eat tiny baby chicks because PETA doesn't exist yet to make them feel bad about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Down the table, the Oh C'mon Just Be Gays are inspired by a towering phallic dessert...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98834\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1020x817.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"513\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1020x817.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-800x641.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-768x615.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1200x961.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1920x1538.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-1180x945.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-960x769.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-240x192.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-375x300.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1-520x417.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1.jpg 2002w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98832\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1020x619.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1020x619.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-800x485.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-768x466.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1200x728.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1920x1165.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-1180x716.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-960x583.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-240x146.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-375x228.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Blonde-520x316.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and non-subtly flirt a bit:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Blond Most Likely Gay:\u003c/strong> \"I'm prepared to be led into temptation. What about you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Brunette Most Likely Gay:\u003c/strong> \"I think to refuse such a creation might cause a diplomatic incident.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT DESSERT! THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT GETTING NAKED TOGETHER! JUST DO IT™!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Albert decides to fit in a tantrum before bedtime over how artificial, deceitful, vulgar, and impure the French are. \u003cem>They're all ginormous whores! Why can't they all wear chastity belts?! Why did my mom have to sleep with my uncle?! Waaaaahhhh!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/baby-cry-mask.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98835\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/baby-cry-mask.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"352\" height=\"193\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert then cries over how sad Victoria's new makeup makes him:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie-drag.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98836\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/trixie-drag.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He pleads: \"Please never do it again! I do not know if I could bear it!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>YEESH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can you imagine being married to a man that has an emotional breakdown every time you put colored lip balm on?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dump-him-latrice.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98837\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dump-him-latrice.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert lectures his slutty brother Ernst on how he should keep it in his pants. Ernst is like, \u003cem>HA! AS IF! You realize I've already contracted syphilis at least nine times, right?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like Albert, the Duchess of Buccleuch is also being a terrible killjoy. She hates all the rampant seduction going on, and don't get her started on the phallic food!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98839\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1020x1236.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"776\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1020x1236.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-160x194.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-800x970.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-768x931.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-990x1200.jpg 990w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-1180x1430.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-960x1164.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-240x291.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-375x455.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread-520x630.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/victoria-bread.jpg 1330w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of phalluses, while on a walk with Albert, the Most Likely Gays decide to TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES AND GO SKINNY DIPPING TOGETHER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This totally sounds like one of my exaggerated jokes, but it's not!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98840\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1020x746.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"468\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1020x746.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-160x117.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-800x585.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-768x561.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1200x877.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1920x1403.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-1180x862.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-960x702.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-240x175.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-375x274.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wink-520x380.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98843\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1020x666.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"418\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1020x666.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1200x783.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1920x1253.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-1180x770.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-960x627.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/take-it-off-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98844\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1020x719.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"451\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1020x719.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-160x113.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-800x564.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-768x541.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1200x846.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1920x1353.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-1180x832.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-960x677.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-240x169.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-375x264.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yes-520x367.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98847\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1020x691.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"434\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1020x691.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-800x542.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-768x520.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1200x813.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1920x1301.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-1180x800.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-960x651.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-240x163.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-375x254.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/skinny-dip-2-520x352.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98841\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1020x605.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"380\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1020x605.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-800x474.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-768x455.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1200x712.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1920x1139.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-1180x700.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-960x569.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-240x142.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-375x222.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/yess-520x308.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98842\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1020x838.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"526\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1020x838.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-160x131.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-800x657.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-768x631.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1200x986.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1920x1577.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-1180x969.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-960x789.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-240x197.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-375x308.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt-520x427.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/butt.jpg 1960w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98855\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1020x1185.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"744\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1020x1185.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-160x186.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-800x929.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-768x892.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1033x1200.jpg 1033w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-1180x1371.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-960x1115.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-240x279.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-375x436.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm-520x604.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mmhm.jpg 1374w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98854\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1020x1081.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"678\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1020x1081.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-160x170.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-800x848.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-768x814.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1133x1200.jpg 1133w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-1180x1250.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-960x1017.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-240x254.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-375x397.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye-520x551.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-eye.jpg 1510w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My feelings on this scene can best be described by the following:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/give.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98851\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/give.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"408\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/praise-god-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-98852 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/praise-god-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Albert finally tells Victoria about his daddy issues. She's like, \u003cem>You know what'll make you feel better? Meddling in the life of an underage Spanish queen! \u003c/em>They go downstairs and tag-team negotiate with the French king. All parties agree that they won't try to make the Spanish queen marry one of their relatives. Cool. Glad they decided that without any consideration for what the queen actually wants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following week, Victoria and Albert are back in England, still enjoying the residual vacay vibes and going over their successful Instagram posts from France.\u003cem> Look, Albert! This one of you swimming completely naked with the Most Likely Gays got 100 likes!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All is well until news breaks that the French king totally played them. His son is now engaged to the Spanish queen. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert feels duped and betrayed, but Victoria sees a silver lining: at least they worked as a team for once and got schooled together! Isn't that romantic?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also, with the Uncle/Daddy Leopold drama out of the bag, they have no secrets between them. Well, except for one, she cheekily says, before revealing that she is once again pregnant.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/are-you-fucking-kidding-me-bridesmaids.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-39749\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/are-you-fucking-kidding-me-bridesmaids.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/no-please-god-no-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97254\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/no-please-god-no-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wendy-cant.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98856\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/wendy-cant.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"148\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>He needs to stop policing other people's sex lives. He also needs to stop having meltdowns over whether Victoria wants to put on lipgloss or not. But most of all, he needs to stop being so damn fertile!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>ANOTHER PIECE OF COAL: Rude French Rando Who Had the Audacity to Make Fun of the Dash Purse.\u003c/strong> I never forget a slight against my favorite pooch. Someone dust off and roll out the guillotine!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: The Duchess of Buccleuch. \u003c/strong>Sure, she was a wet blanket the entire trip, but I agree with her on one count: French food sucks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: The Queen of Spain. \u003c/strong>Poor girl can't even have any fun \u003cem>Sex and the City\u003c/em>-esque single adventures before people she's never met chain her to some old random foreign dude who will just knock her up and cheat on her behind her back.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: That Waterfall Lake. \u003c/strong>Thanks for existing in the right place at the right time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: The Most Likely Gays. \u003c/strong>They didn't make out, but this was maybe better?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_98859",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_97769": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_97769",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "97769",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1516610750000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1516610750,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"l9N3FI3K0vd1X18rdMBt45JcTZRvD0tR\"]In \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/14/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside/\">the previous episode of \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, the Queen threw a brush at her husband's face (he had it coming), personified the \u003ca href=\"http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/math-lady-confused-lady\">Confused Math Lady meme\u003c/a> at a nerd party, and was bummed to find out she was pregnant again. Will she graduate to throwing furniture in Albert's direction? Will she make peace with the fact that the only math you really need to know in life is how to leave a decent tip? Will she ignore her new baby even more than she ignores the first one? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The best part of waking up (other than Folgers in one's cup) is measuring the skull of a boy to find out whether he has criminal tendencies or not (sounds legit). At least that's the not-so-catchy motto of Prime Minister Peele's office, as they try to figure out why said boy broke into the palace to sniff the Queen's underwear and scarf down cheese. The skull test comes back negative. Turns out he just wanted to write a \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Fury-Inside-Trump-White/dp/1250158060\">\u003cem>Fire and Fury\u003c/em>\u003c/a> tell-all about Victoria. You gotta respect the hustle of an enterprising middle-schooler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Lord M finds out that letting leeches suck on your arm doesn't cure you of a stroke. His doctor tells him to write a will. Who will he leave all his crackling sexual tension to??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the palace, Dash's nose is dry and he doesn't want to play. I SWEAR, IF THIS DOG DIES, I WILL LOSE IT! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, GRIM REAPER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sex-and-the-city-no-charlotte-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98447\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sex-and-the-city-no-charlotte-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"501\" height=\"251\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the bright side, Dash is serving A LOT of face in this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1020x992.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"622\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1020x992.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-160x156.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-800x778.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-768x747.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1200x1167.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1920x1867.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1180x1148.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-960x934.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-240x233.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-375x365.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-520x506.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-50x50.jpg 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98452\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1020x982.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"616\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1020x982.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-160x154.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-800x770.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-768x739.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1200x1155.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1920x1848.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1180x1136.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-960x924.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-240x231.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-375x361.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-520x500.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98456\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1020x951.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"597\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1020x951.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-160x149.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-800x746.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-768x716.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1200x1119.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1920x1791.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1180x1101.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-960x895.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-240x224.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-375x350.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-520x485.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee.jpg 1990w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98458\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1020x1629.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"1022\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1020x1629.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-160x256.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-800x1278.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-768x1227.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-751x1200.jpg 751w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1180x1885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-960x1533.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-240x383.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-375x599.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-520x831.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars.jpg 1614w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98449\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1020x559.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"351\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1020x559.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-768x421.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-960x526.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For some reason, Victoria doesn't spend the rest of the day worshipping Dash, and instead advocates for British silk weavers with the Prime Minister. This scene was a total snooze... until the Maybe Gays started raising their eyebrows at each other and supporting each other's views!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98454\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1020x668.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"419\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1020x668.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-800x524.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-768x503.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1200x786.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1920x1257.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1180x773.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-960x629.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-375x246.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-520x340.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98455\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1020x698.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"438\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1020x698.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-160x110.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-800x548.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-768x526.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1200x822.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1920x1315.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1180x808.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-960x657.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-240x164.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-375x257.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-520x356.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria decides to hold a British silk-only party, but who cares about that when this is happening?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98453\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1020x478.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1020x478.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-160x75.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-800x375.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-768x360.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1200x562.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1920x899.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1180x552.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-960x449.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-240x112.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-375x176.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-520x243.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because every party has a pooper, the Duchess of Buccleuch tells Victoria that she better not dance or gallivant at this party (she's pregnant, after all, and therefore should ideally be locked into a tower or something).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria takes a moment to calm the Satanic voices in her head urging her to kill this woman right here and now, and instead says, \u003cem>You have a cold. You have my permission to GTFO of my face.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/outta-my-face-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98457\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/outta-my-face-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fun fact: The Duchess in real life was only 29 or 30 at this time, was generally pretty chill, and was a close friend of the Queen's. I hope no one unfairly turns me into an ancient racist killjoy after I die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's decided that the ball will have a medieval theme. Victoria and co. randomly take a tour of royal tombs from this era to get in the mood. The guide shares a story about a former king who had an entire town killed, but, at the urging of his wife, spared six old dudes. Victoria's response:\"What a charming story!\" Ummm, was she even listening??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a corner, the Duchess' niece is all googly-eyed for Ernst. She suggests he should dress up as Robin Hood for the party. \"A lawless archer. Yes, I think that would suit me very well.\" You see, both of them like putting their -- ahem --arrows into things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Disney_Survey_-_Robin_Hood.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98647\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Disney_Survey_-_Robin_Hood.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"255\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the Prime Minister shares his concern about the optics of throwing a lavish ball while people are starving in the streets. Victoria runs the risk of her head taking the place of organic hors d'oeuvres on a silver platter. But Victoria insists. It's her party and she'll get her head chopped off by a poor angry mob if she wants to.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Parliament, old white dudes scream at each other about the Queen's wastefulness. For instance, her dress for the party costs £64,000! The poor aren't happy about any of this and gather outside the palace gates for some good old fashioned head-chopping.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, there are ice statues in the shape of swans, fancy taxidermied peacocks, and pies that even the mean judge on \u003cem>Great British Bake Off\u003c/em> would approve of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Maybe Gays dance with girls, but only have eyes for each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98462\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1020x815.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"511\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1020x815.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-800x639.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-768x614.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1200x959.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1920x1535.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1180x943.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-960x767.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-240x192.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-375x300.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-520x416.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98461\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1020x638.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1020x638.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-160x100.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-800x500.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-768x480.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1200x750.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1920x1200.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1180x738.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-960x600.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-240x150.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-375x234.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-520x325.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M shows up, even though he's dying or whatever. Good on him. I decline most party invites and the only ailment I suffer from is a preference of Netflix over other humans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-at-home-sit-on-ass-gif-chelsea.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98466\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-at-home-sit-on-ass-gif-chelsea.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst / Robin Hood spots his crush, Victoria's married friend, and engages in a seductive do-si-do with her. They both wish her husband would just die already so they could have sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/he-must-die-gilmore-girls-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98467\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/he-must-die-gilmore-girls-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But enough about straight people. Let's check back in with the Maybe Gays. Yep, still heart-eyeing each other. KISS ALREADY!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98459\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1020x863.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"541\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1020x863.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-160x135.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-800x677.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-768x650.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1200x1015.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1180x998.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-960x812.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-240x203.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-375x317.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-520x440.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3.jpg 1376w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98460\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1020x690.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"433\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1020x690.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-800x541.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-768x520.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1200x812.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1920x1300.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1180x799.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-960x650.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-240x162.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-375x254.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-520x352.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different part of the room, Lord M and Victoria share a dance, and everything is going smoothly... until he loses his ability to speak and almost falls down! Damn it, leeches! Y'all had one job!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In more pleasant news, the Most Likely Gays (they've earned a loftier title) find themselves alone in a hallway. KISS EACH OTHER! DO IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/donald-duck-kiss-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98468\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/donald-duck-kiss-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"459\" height=\"345\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/smile-frown-kid-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98473\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/smile-frown-kid-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"270\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But they do wonder aloud why neither of them are in the ballroom \"delighting the damsels.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy_wink.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98474\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy_wink.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"481\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Halfway through the opulent shindig, Victoria catches sight of the protest outside and feels kind of bad about all the fresh oysters and eclair towers her and her rich buddies wasted this evening. She quickly thinks of a solution: \u003cem>Let them eat leftovers!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/judge-judy-smh-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98475\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/judge-judy-smh-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Needless to say, people are less than charmed. But she somehow gets away with it. Somewhere out there, Marie Antionette's ghost is booing up a storm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert adopts yet another pet project: overseeing the design of the new Parliament building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/how-exciting-is-that-snl-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98477\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/how-exciting-is-that-snl-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He bumps into Lord M and notices that he's in an \"elegiac mood.\" Lord M is like, \u003cem>Well, yeah, I'm right in the middle of dying. Also, have I ever told you my wife left me for Lord Byron? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M makes Albert promise not to tell Victoria about his condition. So what does Albert do? You guessed it! He immediately runs over to the palace and spills the beans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/snitch-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98482\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/snitch-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is bummed and does what anyone would do for a dying friend: she buys him a wind-up stuffed bird!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/a-what-clueless-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98479\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/a-what-clueless-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M says that the gift is \"most ingenious.\" That's one way to say, \u003cem>Um, this is a really weird thing to give to a dying man.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria returns to the palace, sad about the possibility that she might never see Lord M again. \u003cem>Could this day get any worse?\u003c/em> she wonders.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>SHE FINDS DASH DEAD IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/game-of-thrones-crying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98483\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/game-of-thrones-crying.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/i-defy-you-stars-leo-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97255\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/i-defy-you-stars-leo-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"208\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/zooey-crying-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98487\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/zooey-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/devastated-wrestler-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98488\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/devastated-wrestler-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/emma-stone-crying-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98485\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/emma-stone-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-crying-falling-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98489\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-crying-falling-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"177\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HE WAS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD AND THIS SHOW.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria cries, \"He was always there! I will miss him so much!\" Same. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They should just end the series here. Wouldn't take more than a post-script like this: \u003cem>Victoria has 9 kids and grows to be really old and remains obsessed with Albert forever and ever. The end.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm going to need a moment to go listen to Sarah McLachlan's abused puppy infomercial song.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiylvmFI_8\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, I'm back. Because PBS insists on bunching these episodes, I have another hour to get through, so will remain in the denial phase of this grieving process and save the messy stuff for later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/deep-denial-amy-poehler-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98532\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/deep-denial-amy-poehler-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"420\" height=\"398\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone is primal screaming in the palace. Grief over Dash, I presume? Oh, no, just Victoria giving birth to another baby. It's a boy. Yay, or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/amy-poehler-fake-excited-smile-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98533\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/amy-poehler-fake-excited-smile-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After all the goo is cleaned up, Albert waxes poetic about how beautiful the new prince is. (Not as beautiful as Dash was! *stifles sob*) Victoria seems to be on my wavelength because her response is that all babies look like frogs to her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/its-true-gaga-frog-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98530\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/its-true-gaga-frog-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Albert's dad, who spent all last episode whining about how lame girl babies are, is so jazzed about his new grandson that he decides to get jiggy with some lady. But the sexy celebration doesn't last long, as he promptly drops dead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/boy-that-escalated-quickly.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98528\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/boy-that-escalated-quickly.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"355\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Victoria is still depressed about Dash, but also probably suffering from postpartum depression. Albert grows concerned, after finding Victoria sadly plinking the same key on the piano over and over again. And she has abandoned hobbies she once adored, mainly throwing elaborate parties that make the poor hate her guts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/excited-birthday-party-old-lady.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98545\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/excited-birthday-party-old-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"495\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a sketchy part of town, Babyface Maid visits her Ungrateful Single Mom friend. BREAKING: She's still ungrateful. Still single. Still a mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a balcony back at the palace, the Most Likely Gays continue to make heart eyes at each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98536\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1020x574.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-800x451.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1200x676.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1920x1081.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1180x664.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-960x541.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98537\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1020x558.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1020x558.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-768x420.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-960x525.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The blond one says, \"I guess we'll never understand the fairer sex, will we?\" and then winks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/pokemon-heart-eyes-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98540\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/pokemon-heart-eyes-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you for this, \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers; it's the least y'all could do after killing my second favorite animal on television (#1 pup goes to Horace the Pug from \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, in case you're wondering).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"352\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1920x1057.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-520x286.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But enough about animals (for now). Albert finds out about his dad and hurries off to Germany, but not before giving Governess Dictator an ultimatum: find whichever servant sold the story of the boy breaking into the palace to the papers or every servant will be fired and replaced.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Tina-Fey-Liz-Lemon-30-Rock-Youre-All-Fired.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98541\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Tina-Fey-Liz-Lemon-30-Rock-Youre-All-Fired.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"488\" height=\"275\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid runs into Hot Italian Chef and notices that he all of a sudden has a new gold chain. His raise was either really generous or he's getting back at the monarchy for getting him fired from his other job by turning into a TMZ informer. Whichever it is, I support him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria yells at her toddler daughter: \u003cem>STOP MOVING SO MUCH, FROG-FACE! \u003c/em>Baby Vicky keeps moving because she's like 11 months old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Ernst assures a grieving Albert that their father died doing what he loved: boning girls named Leisl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/liesl-sound-of-music.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98552\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/liesl-sound-of-music.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the Prime Minister tries to get Victoria excited about attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony for some tunnel. She responds, \u003cem>Nope, gonna stay home, be sad, and eat a bunch of chips instead! \u003c/em>But the brunette Most Likely Gay attempts to change her mind by explaining what the purpose of a tunnel is: \"They're walking beneath the water, ma'am.\"\u003cem> \u003c/em>Victoria's mind is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But she sticks to her agoraphobic plan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-home-eat-chips-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98557\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-home-eat-chips-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"257\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and in case you're playing the Drink Every Time The Most Likely Gays Make Heart Eyes At Each Other drinking game, take another sip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98561\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1020x883.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"554\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1020x883.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-160x138.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-800x692.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-768x665.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1200x1039.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1920x1662.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1180x1021.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-960x831.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-240x208.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-375x325.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-520x450.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98560\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1020x1075.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"675\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1020x1075.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-160x169.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-800x844.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-768x810.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1138x1200.jpg 1138w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1920x2024.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1180x1244.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-960x1012.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-240x253.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-375x395.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-520x548.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in the bad part of town, Babyface Maid finds out Ungrateful Single Mom is the one who spilled the beans to the press! And she is not even sorry about it. Maybe I missed this along the way, but why does Babyface Maid have to keep paying this jerk's bills and putting up with her stank attitude? Block her on all social media and move on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/unfriend-middle-finger-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/unfriend-middle-finger-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"522\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Germany, Albert's no good very bad day gets even worse when his uncle Leopold randomly makes a confession: \u003cem>Hey, there's never a good time to bring this up, so what the hell? I used to have sex with your mom behind your dad's back. Sorry not sorry. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert must pull double duty: holding back tears \u003cem>and\u003c/em> puke at the same time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jim-carrey-nauseous-puke-dumb-and-dumber-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jim-carrey-nauseous-puke-dumb-and-dumber-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"453\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Victoria is also holding back a sob, while looking sadly out of a window. The Prime Minister interrupts to pressure her into leaving the house to visit some injured men in the hospital. Victoria is like, \u003cem>Didn't I make myself clear? I want to stay home and eat chips!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eventually, she relents and discovers what she already knew: leaving the house is highly overrated, especially when the reason is to look at bloody, mutilated people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Governess Dictator grills Hot Italian Chef about where he got all his fancy new clothes. His answer is brief and to-the-point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/none-of-your-business-beeswax.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98592\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/none-of-your-business-beeswax.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drink up! The Most Likely Gays are at it again! But this time, on a solo date!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1020x589.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"370\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1020x589.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-160x92.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-800x462.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-768x444.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1200x693.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1920x1109.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1180x682.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-960x555.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-240x139.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-375x217.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-520x300.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98595\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1020x701.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"440\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1020x701.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-160x110.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-800x550.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-768x528.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1200x824.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1920x1319.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1180x811.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-960x660.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-240x165.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-375x258.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-520x357.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98598\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1020x558.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1020x558.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-768x420.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-960x526.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>... until the Duchess of Buccleuch's niece shows up to you-know-what block. UGHHHHH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98597\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1020x707.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"444\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1020x707.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-160x111.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-800x554.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-768x532.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1200x832.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1920x1331.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1180x818.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-960x665.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-240x166.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-375x260.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-520x360.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98596\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1020x1114.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"699\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1020x1114.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-160x175.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-800x873.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-768x838.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1099x1200.jpg 1099w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1920x2096.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1180x1288.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-960x1048.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-240x262.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-375x409.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-520x568.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98593\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a German bar, Albert decides that the best way to forget that your uncle might actually be your dad is to chug all the beer. This leads to a wild discovery about inebriation: \"It's the most peculiar sensation! It feel as if I have elves around my person!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elves-dancing-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98600\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elves-dancing-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elf-shocking.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98599\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elf-shocking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"346\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Victoria is a little less sad than usual, as she stares at a diorama of a tunnel (now that she knows what a tunnel is). The Duchess comes in with a gift from some sultan. It was supposed to be a tiger cub, but she talked him into giving a beautiful puppy instead! The pup immediately pees on the royal bed. This show just got exponentially better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98601\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1020x626.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"393\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1020x626.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-160x98.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-800x491.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-768x471.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1200x736.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1920x1178.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1180x724.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-960x589.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-240x147.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-375x230.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-520x319.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, the Most Likely Gays run into each other, but don't take a sip just yet. There are no heart eyes because the brunette reluctantly shares the news that he's engaged to be married to a human woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/12/1462466472-amy-poehler-no.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-50724\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/12/1462466472-amy-poehler-no.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21098\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We can't enjoy one nice thing, can we?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Babyface Maid finds out Hot Italian Chef is about to be fired for allegedly selling the story to the papers, so she comes clean about everything. Turns out Ungrateful Single Mom was about to start working at the Palace, until her unexpected pregnancy ruined any hope of that happening. Ungrateful Single Mom still wanted that fat paycheck so she forced her cousin, Babyface Maid, to impersonate her. That's it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-what-who-cares-the-view.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98648\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-what-who-cares-the-view.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"247\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upon Albert's return from Germany, Victoria is excited to share a few breaking news items with him: \u003cem>I love tunnels! Bloody soldiers cured me of my agoraphobia! I don't totally hate our new frog baby anymore!\u003c/em> Albert is unmoved: \u003cem>That's nice. My uncle is probably my dad. Pass the chips. I'm staying home. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Grim Reaper. \u003c/strong>SCREW YOU!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Drinking So Much You Hallucinate Elves Around Your Person. \u003c/strong>We've all been there, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: All the Starving Poor People.\u003c/strong> All they got for not chopping off the Queen's head was a tray of leftovers, so the least I could do is grant them a meaningless award and the promise that #ItGetsBetter (*whispers* #ItActuallyDoesn't).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: The Most Likely Gays. \u003c/strong>They deserve more than this, and so do we.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Dash.\u003c/strong> I Will Always Love You.mp3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "97769 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=97769",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/22/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": true,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 2768,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 155
},
"modified": 1551664128,
"excerpt": "This week's episode has a bit of everything: Who's-Your-Daddy drama! A maybe gay love affair! Drunk imaginary elves! ",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "This week's episode has a bit of everything: Who's-Your-Daddy drama! A maybe gay love affair! Drunk imaginary elves! ",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love",
"datePublished": "2018-01-22T00:45:50-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:48:48-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/14/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside/\">the previous episode of \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, the Queen threw a brush at her husband's face (he had it coming), personified the \u003ca href=\"http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/math-lady-confused-lady\">Confused Math Lady meme\u003c/a> at a nerd party, and was bummed to find out she was pregnant again. Will she graduate to throwing furniture in Albert's direction? Will she make peace with the fact that the only math you really need to know in life is how to leave a decent tip? Will she ignore her new baby even more than she ignores the first one? Only one way to find out! On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The best part of waking up (other than Folgers in one's cup) is measuring the skull of a boy to find out whether he has criminal tendencies or not (sounds legit). At least that's the not-so-catchy motto of Prime Minister Peele's office, as they try to figure out why said boy broke into the palace to sniff the Queen's underwear and scarf down cheese. The skull test comes back negative. Turns out he just wanted to write a \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Fury-Inside-Trump-White/dp/1250158060\">\u003cem>Fire and Fury\u003c/em>\u003c/a> tell-all about Victoria. You gotta respect the hustle of an enterprising middle-schooler.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Lord M finds out that letting leeches suck on your arm doesn't cure you of a stroke. His doctor tells him to write a will. Who will he leave all his crackling sexual tension to??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the palace, Dash's nose is dry and he doesn't want to play. I SWEAR, IF THIS DOG DIES, I WILL LOSE IT! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, GRIM REAPER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sex-and-the-city-no-charlotte-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98447\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sex-and-the-city-no-charlotte-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"501\" height=\"251\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the bright side, Dash is serving A LOT of face in this episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1020x992.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"622\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1020x992.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-160x156.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-800x778.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-768x747.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1200x1167.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1920x1867.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-1180x1148.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-960x934.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-240x233.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-375x365.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-520x506.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-50x50.jpg 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98452\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1020x982.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"616\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1020x982.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-160x154.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-800x770.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-768x739.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1200x1155.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1920x1848.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-1180x1136.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-960x924.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-240x231.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-375x361.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-520x500.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-crop-2-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98456\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1020x951.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"597\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1020x951.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-160x149.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-800x746.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-768x716.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1200x1119.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1920x1791.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-1180x1101.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-960x895.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-240x224.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-375x350.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee-520x485.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-facee.jpg 1990w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98458\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1020x1629.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"1022\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1020x1629.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-160x256.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-800x1278.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-768x1227.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-751x1200.jpg 751w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-1180x1885.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-960x1533.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-240x383.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-375x599.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars-520x831.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-stars.jpg 1614w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98449\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1020x559.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"351\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1020x559.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-768x421.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-960x526.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-face-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For some reason, Victoria doesn't spend the rest of the day worshipping Dash, and instead advocates for British silk weavers with the Prime Minister. This scene was a total snooze... until the Maybe Gays started raising their eyebrows at each other and supporting each other's views!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98454\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1020x668.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"419\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1020x668.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-160x105.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-800x524.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-768x503.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1200x786.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1920x1257.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-1180x773.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-960x629.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-375x246.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-2-520x340.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98455\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1020x698.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"438\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1020x698.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-160x110.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-800x548.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-768x526.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1200x822.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1920x1315.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-1180x808.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-960x657.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-240x164.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-375x257.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gay-eyes-520x356.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria decides to hold a British silk-only party, but who cares about that when this is happening?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98453\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1020x478.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1020x478.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-160x75.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-800x375.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-768x360.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1200x562.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1920x899.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-1180x552.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-960x449.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-240x112.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-375x176.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-eyes-3-520x243.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because every party has a pooper, the Duchess of Buccleuch tells Victoria that she better not dance or gallivant at this party (she's pregnant, after all, and therefore should ideally be locked into a tower or something).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria takes a moment to calm the Satanic voices in her head urging her to kill this woman right here and now, and instead says, \u003cem>You have a cold. You have my permission to GTFO of my face.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/outta-my-face-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98457\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/outta-my-face-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fun fact: The Duchess in real life was only 29 or 30 at this time, was generally pretty chill, and was a close friend of the Queen's. I hope no one unfairly turns me into an ancient racist killjoy after I die.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's decided that the ball will have a medieval theme. Victoria and co. randomly take a tour of royal tombs from this era to get in the mood. The guide shares a story about a former king who had an entire town killed, but, at the urging of his wife, spared six old dudes. Victoria's response:\"What a charming story!\" Ummm, was she even listening??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a corner, the Duchess' niece is all googly-eyed for Ernst. She suggests he should dress up as Robin Hood for the party. \"A lawless archer. Yes, I think that would suit me very well.\" You see, both of them like putting their -- ahem --arrows into things.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Disney_Survey_-_Robin_Hood.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98647\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Disney_Survey_-_Robin_Hood.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"255\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the Prime Minister shares his concern about the optics of throwing a lavish ball while people are starving in the streets. Victoria runs the risk of her head taking the place of organic hors d'oeuvres on a silver platter. But Victoria insists. It's her party and she'll get her head chopped off by a poor angry mob if she wants to.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Parliament, old white dudes scream at each other about the Queen's wastefulness. For instance, her dress for the party costs £64,000! The poor aren't happy about any of this and gather outside the palace gates for some good old fashioned head-chopping.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, there are ice statues in the shape of swans, fancy taxidermied peacocks, and pies that even the mean judge on \u003cem>Great British Bake Off\u003c/em> would approve of.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Maybe Gays dance with girls, but only have eyes for each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98462\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1020x815.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"511\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1020x815.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-160x128.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-800x639.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-768x614.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1200x959.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1920x1535.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-1180x943.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-960x767.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-240x192.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-375x300.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dance-gays-520x416.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98461\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1020x638.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1020x638.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-160x100.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-800x500.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-768x480.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1200x750.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1920x1200.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-1180x738.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-960x600.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-240x150.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-375x234.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-520x325.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M shows up, even though he's dying or whatever. Good on him. I decline most party invites and the only ailment I suffer from is a preference of Netflix over other humans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-at-home-sit-on-ass-gif-chelsea.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98466\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-at-home-sit-on-ass-gif-chelsea.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst / Robin Hood spots his crush, Victoria's married friend, and engages in a seductive do-si-do with her. They both wish her husband would just die already so they could have sex.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/he-must-die-gilmore-girls-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98467\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/he-must-die-gilmore-girls-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But enough about straight people. Let's check back in with the Maybe Gays. Yep, still heart-eyeing each other. KISS ALREADY!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98459\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1020x863.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"541\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1020x863.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-160x135.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-800x677.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-768x650.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1200x1015.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-1180x998.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-960x812.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-240x203.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-375x317.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3-520x440.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-3.jpg 1376w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98460\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1020x690.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"433\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1020x690.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-160x108.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-800x541.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-768x520.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1200x812.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1920x1300.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-1180x799.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-960x650.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-240x162.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-375x254.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/one-gay-2-520x352.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a different part of the room, Lord M and Victoria share a dance, and everything is going smoothly... until he loses his ability to speak and almost falls down! Damn it, leeches! Y'all had one job!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In more pleasant news, the Most Likely Gays (they've earned a loftier title) find themselves alone in a hallway. KISS EACH OTHER! DO IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/donald-duck-kiss-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98468\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/donald-duck-kiss-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"459\" height=\"345\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They don't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/smile-frown-kid-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98473\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/smile-frown-kid-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"270\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But they do wonder aloud why neither of them are in the ballroom \"delighting the damsels.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy_wink.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98474\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy_wink.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"481\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Halfway through the opulent shindig, Victoria catches sight of the protest outside and feels kind of bad about all the fresh oysters and eclair towers her and her rich buddies wasted this evening. She quickly thinks of a solution: \u003cem>Let them eat leftovers!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/judge-judy-smh-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98475\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/judge-judy-smh-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Needless to say, people are less than charmed. But she somehow gets away with it. Somewhere out there, Marie Antionette's ghost is booing up a storm.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert adopts yet another pet project: overseeing the design of the new Parliament building.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/how-exciting-is-that-snl-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98477\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/how-exciting-is-that-snl-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He bumps into Lord M and notices that he's in an \"elegiac mood.\" Lord M is like, \u003cem>Well, yeah, I'm right in the middle of dying. Also, have I ever told you my wife left me for Lord Byron? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M makes Albert promise not to tell Victoria about his condition. So what does Albert do? You guessed it! He immediately runs over to the palace and spills the beans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/snitch-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98482\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/snitch-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is bummed and does what anyone would do for a dying friend: she buys him a wind-up stuffed bird!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/a-what-clueless-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98479\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/a-what-clueless-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"190\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M says that the gift is \"most ingenious.\" That's one way to say, \u003cem>Um, this is a really weird thing to give to a dying man.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria returns to the palace, sad about the possibility that she might never see Lord M again. \u003cem>Could this day get any worse?\u003c/em> she wonders.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>SHE FINDS DASH DEAD IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/game-of-thrones-crying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98483\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/game-of-thrones-crying.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"350\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/i-defy-you-stars-leo-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97255\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/i-defy-you-stars-leo-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"208\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/zooey-crying-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98487\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/zooey-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/devastated-wrestler-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98488\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/devastated-wrestler-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"180\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/emma-stone-crying-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98485\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/emma-stone-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-crying-falling-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98489\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-crying-falling-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"177\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HE WAS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD AND THIS SHOW.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria cries, \"He was always there! I will miss him so much!\" Same. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They should just end the series here. Wouldn't take more than a post-script like this: \u003cem>Victoria has 9 kids and grows to be really old and remains obsessed with Albert forever and ever. The end.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm going to need a moment to go listen to Sarah McLachlan's abused puppy infomercial song.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/1SiylvmFI_8'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/1SiylvmFI_8'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Okay, I'm back. Because PBS insists on bunching these episodes, I have another hour to get through, so will remain in the denial phase of this grieving process and save the messy stuff for later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/deep-denial-amy-poehler-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98532\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/deep-denial-amy-poehler-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"420\" height=\"398\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone is primal screaming in the palace. Grief over Dash, I presume? Oh, no, just Victoria giving birth to another baby. It's a boy. Yay, or whatever.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/amy-poehler-fake-excited-smile-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98533\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/amy-poehler-fake-excited-smile-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After all the goo is cleaned up, Albert waxes poetic about how beautiful the new prince is. (Not as beautiful as Dash was! *stifles sob*) Victoria seems to be on my wavelength because her response is that all babies look like frogs to her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/its-true-gaga-frog-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98530\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/its-true-gaga-frog-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Albert's dad, who spent all last episode whining about how lame girl babies are, is so jazzed about his new grandson that he decides to get jiggy with some lady. But the sexy celebration doesn't last long, as he promptly drops dead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/boy-that-escalated-quickly.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98528\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/boy-that-escalated-quickly.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"355\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Victoria is still depressed about Dash, but also probably suffering from postpartum depression. Albert grows concerned, after finding Victoria sadly plinking the same key on the piano over and over again. And she has abandoned hobbies she once adored, mainly throwing elaborate parties that make the poor hate her guts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/excited-birthday-party-old-lady.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98545\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/excited-birthday-party-old-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"495\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a sketchy part of town, Babyface Maid visits her Ungrateful Single Mom friend. BREAKING: She's still ungrateful. Still single. Still a mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a balcony back at the palace, the Most Likely Gays continue to make heart eyes at each other.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98536\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1020x574.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1020x574.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-800x451.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1200x676.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1920x1081.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-1180x664.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-960x541.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-2-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98537\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1020x558.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1020x558.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-768x420.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-960x525.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/maybe-gays-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The blond one says, \"I guess we'll never understand the fairer sex, will we?\" and then winks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/pokemon-heart-eyes-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98540\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/pokemon-heart-eyes-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thank you for this, \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers; it's the least y'all could do after killing my second favorite animal on television (#1 pup goes to Horace the Pug from \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, in case you're wondering).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"352\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1920x1057.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-520x286.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But enough about animals (for now). Albert finds out about his dad and hurries off to Germany, but not before giving Governess Dictator an ultimatum: find whichever servant sold the story of the boy breaking into the palace to the papers or every servant will be fired and replaced.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Tina-Fey-Liz-Lemon-30-Rock-Youre-All-Fired.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98541\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Tina-Fey-Liz-Lemon-30-Rock-Youre-All-Fired.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"488\" height=\"275\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid runs into Hot Italian Chef and notices that he all of a sudden has a new gold chain. His raise was either really generous or he's getting back at the monarchy for getting him fired from his other job by turning into a TMZ informer. Whichever it is, I support him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria yells at her toddler daughter: \u003cem>STOP MOVING SO MUCH, FROG-FACE! \u003c/em>Baby Vicky keeps moving because she's like 11 months old.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Ernst assures a grieving Albert that their father died doing what he loved: boning girls named Leisl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/liesl-sound-of-music.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98552\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/liesl-sound-of-music.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the Prime Minister tries to get Victoria excited about attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony for some tunnel. She responds, \u003cem>Nope, gonna stay home, be sad, and eat a bunch of chips instead! \u003c/em>But the brunette Most Likely Gay attempts to change her mind by explaining what the purpose of a tunnel is: \"They're walking beneath the water, ma'am.\"\u003cem> \u003c/em>Victoria's mind is blown to bits.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But she sticks to her agoraphobic plan:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-home-eat-chips-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98557\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stay-home-eat-chips-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"257\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and in case you're playing the Drink Every Time The Most Likely Gays Make Heart Eyes At Each Other drinking game, take another sip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98561\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1020x883.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"554\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1020x883.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-160x138.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-800x692.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-768x665.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1200x1039.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1920x1662.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-1180x1021.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-960x831.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-240x208.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-375x325.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-520x450.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98560\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1020x1075.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"675\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1020x1075.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-160x169.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-800x844.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-768x810.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1138x1200.jpg 1138w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1920x2024.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-1180x1244.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-960x1012.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-240x253.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-375x395.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/heart-2-520x548.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in the bad part of town, Babyface Maid finds out Ungrateful Single Mom is the one who spilled the beans to the press! And she is not even sorry about it. Maybe I missed this along the way, but why does Babyface Maid have to keep paying this jerk's bills and putting up with her stank attitude? Block her on all social media and move on!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/unfriend-middle-finger-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/unfriend-middle-finger-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"522\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Germany, Albert's no good very bad day gets even worse when his uncle Leopold randomly makes a confession: \u003cem>Hey, there's never a good time to bring this up, so what the hell? I used to have sex with your mom behind your dad's back. Sorry not sorry. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert must pull double duty: holding back tears \u003cem>and\u003c/em> puke at the same time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jim-carrey-nauseous-puke-dumb-and-dumber-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jim-carrey-nauseous-puke-dumb-and-dumber-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"453\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Victoria is also holding back a sob, while looking sadly out of a window. The Prime Minister interrupts to pressure her into leaving the house to visit some injured men in the hospital. Victoria is like, \u003cem>Didn't I make myself clear? I want to stay home and eat chips!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eventually, she relents and discovers what she already knew: leaving the house is highly overrated, especially when the reason is to look at bloody, mutilated people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the servants' quarters, Governess Dictator grills Hot Italian Chef about where he got all his fancy new clothes. His answer is brief and to-the-point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/none-of-your-business-beeswax.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98592\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/none-of-your-business-beeswax.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Drink up! The Most Likely Gays are at it again! But this time, on a solo date!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1020x589.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"370\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1020x589.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-160x92.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-800x462.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-768x444.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1200x693.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1920x1109.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-1180x682.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-960x555.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-240x139.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-375x217.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/brunette-520x300.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98595\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1020x701.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"440\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1020x701.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-160x110.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-800x550.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-768x528.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1200x824.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1920x1319.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-1180x811.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-960x660.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-240x165.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-375x258.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/blonde-520x357.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98598\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1020x558.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1020x558.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-800x438.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-768x420.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1200x657.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1920x1051.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-1180x646.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-960x526.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-240x131.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-375x205.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/date-night-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>... until the Duchess of Buccleuch's niece shows up to you-know-what block. UGHHHHH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98597\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1020x707.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"444\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1020x707.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-160x111.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-800x554.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-768x532.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1200x832.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1920x1331.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-1180x818.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-960x665.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-240x166.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-375x260.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-520x360.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98596\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1020x1114.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"699\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1020x1114.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-160x175.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-800x873.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-768x838.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1099x1200.jpg 1099w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1920x2096.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-1180x1288.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-960x1048.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-240x262.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-375x409.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out-2-520x568.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98593\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/get-out.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a German bar, Albert decides that the best way to forget that your uncle might actually be your dad is to chug all the beer. This leads to a wild discovery about inebriation: \"It's the most peculiar sensation! It feel as if I have elves around my person!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elves-dancing-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98600\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elves-dancing-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elf-shocking.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98599\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/elf-shocking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"346\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Victoria is a little less sad than usual, as she stares at a diorama of a tunnel (now that she knows what a tunnel is). The Duchess comes in with a gift from some sultan. It was supposed to be a tiger cub, but she talked him into giving a beautiful puppy instead! The pup immediately pees on the royal bed. This show just got exponentially better.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98601\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1020x626.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"393\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1020x626.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-160x98.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-800x491.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-768x471.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1200x736.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1920x1178.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-1180x724.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-960x589.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-240x147.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-375x230.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/puppy-520x319.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, the Most Likely Gays run into each other, but don't take a sip just yet. There are no heart eyes because the brunette reluctantly shares the news that he's engaged to be married to a human woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/12/1462466472-amy-poehler-no.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-50724\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/12/1462466472-amy-poehler-no.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-21098\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/03/why-the-notebook-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We can't enjoy one nice thing, can we?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Babyface Maid finds out Hot Italian Chef is about to be fired for allegedly selling the story to the papers, so she comes clean about everything. Turns out Ungrateful Single Mom was about to start working at the Palace, until her unexpected pregnancy ruined any hope of that happening. Ungrateful Single Mom still wanted that fat paycheck so she forced her cousin, Babyface Maid, to impersonate her. That's it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-what-who-cares-the-view.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98648\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-what-who-cares-the-view.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"247\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upon Albert's return from Germany, Victoria is excited to share a few breaking news items with him: \u003cem>I love tunnels! Bloody soldiers cured me of my agoraphobia! I don't totally hate our new frog baby anymore!\u003c/em> Albert is unmoved: \u003cem>That's nice. My uncle is probably my dad. Pass the chips. I'm staying home. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Grim Reaper. \u003c/strong>SCREW YOU!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Drinking So Much You Hallucinate Elves Around Your Person. \u003c/strong>We've all been there, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: All the Starving Poor People.\u003c/strong> All they got for not chopping off the Queen's head was a tray of leftovers, so the least I could do is grant them a meaningless award and the promise that #ItGetsBetter (*whispers* #ItActuallyDoesn't).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: The Most Likely Gays. \u003c/strong>They deserve more than this, and so do we.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Dash.\u003c/strong> I Will Always Love You.mp3\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_98650",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_97767": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_97767",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "97767",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1515981619000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1515981619,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"l9N3FI3K0vd1X18rdMBt45JcTZRvD0tR\"]For those who have no idea what this show is about, I advise you to read \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">my previous recaps\u003c/a>. If you’re too busy or impatient for all of that, here’s the much-abbreviated gist:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A teen named Alexandrina ascends to the throne when her uncle, King William IV, dies. She immediately makes some changes: de-ethnicizing her name to Victoria because foreigners are icky, and beginning to walk down stairs without holding onto her governess (*GASP*).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Brits don't take to her right away; gossip about her being super duper short and her tongue being too big for her mouth circulates. Victoria doesn't help matters by forcing an invasive gynecological exam on a woman she believes to be a ginormous whore. Turns out the woman was a virgin whose distended belly had nothing to do with pregnancy and everything to do with a huge cancerous tumor. Humiliated, the woman dies soon thereafter. Victoria gives a \u003cem>My bad!\u003c/em> shrug and proceeds to forget all about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to bullying virgins with cancer, Victoria spends her time channeling her daddy issues into a flirtation with her Prime Minister, Lord M, who was 40 years older than her in real life. It doesn't work out because he never got over his wife ditching him for Lord Byron (yes, the famed poet!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria looks elsewhere for a baby daddy, and not too far because she settles on her first cousin, Albert, who is the human embodiment of a nap-deprived toddler having a Veruca Salt-level tantrum. The duo bicker from the start: on the subjects of stamps, gardens vs. forests, old Masters vs. modern art, whether beets are poor people food, etc. Instead of finding a partner who doesn't brattily pick a fight over every little thing, Victoria thinks, \u003cem>Eh, this is good enough for a lifetime, I suppose\u003c/em>, marries him, and has his baby, who surprisingly arrives without some kind of incest-inspired deformity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and in a forced \"downstairs\" storyline meant to conjure the success of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a baby-faced maid almost ran off with a hot Italian chef, but didn't because she's a dummy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, got all that? Great. Let’s do this…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We're thrown right into a bomb cyclone blizzard. No, we haven't found ourselves at \u003ca href=\"http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/The_Wall\">The Wall\u003c/a> from \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em> (you'll have to \u003ca href=\"http://ew.com/tv/2018/01/04/game-thrones-2019/\">wait until 2019\u003c/a> for that); we're in Afghanistan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Things aren't going well for the Brits, who are embroiled in what is either called the First Anglo-Afghan War (why must there always be a sequel?) or the \"\u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Anglo-Afghan_War\">Disaster in Afghanistan\u003c/a>,\" depending on your perspective. The troops quietly say goodbye to their fingers and toes before frostbite snatches them, and prepare themselves to probably be ambushed and die for the vaguest of causes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But you know who has it worse, judging by her annoyed huffing and puffing? Queen Victoria, whose #squad is insisting on wrapping her up in blankets and pushing her around in a fancy three-wheeled cushioned chair. I could dedicate the next several sentences to how this upsetting juxtaposition of class divides speaks to modern American society, but instead I'm going to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">OMG, DASH THE DOG IS BACK!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98243\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1020x560.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"351\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1020x560.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-800x439.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-768x421.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1200x658.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1920x1053.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1180x647.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-960x527.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">HOW I'VE MISSED HIM!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98244\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1020x548.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1020x548.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-160x86.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-800x430.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-768x413.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1200x645.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1920x1032.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1180x634.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-960x516.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-240x129.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-375x202.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-520x279.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">LOOK AT HIS FACE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98245\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1020x665.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"417\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1020x665.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1200x783.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1920x1252.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1180x770.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-960x626.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that I got that out of my system, back to the issues at hand. The Hot Italian Chef has left Buckingham Palace to go start a food truck or whatever, so there's a new chef downstairs. I was fully prepared to call this new character Hot New Chef, but he's... well... not, so he will henceforth be called Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/rhobh-not-cute-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98247\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/rhobh-not-cute-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria refuses to be carted around anymore. She wants to go outside and almost get assassinated again like last season!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not so fast, missy! Apparently, the custom is that, after giving birth, the new mother must be \"churched\" (i.e. purified by a priest) before being reintroduced into society because men are scared of the power of female bodies and must make women feel dirty and less than at every turn so they don't get bright ideas of having equal rights or running for President or something crazy like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/patriarchy-wonder-woman-gif-punch.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98248\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/patriarchy-wonder-woman-gif-punch.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"600\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria (sort of ) takes a stand against misogyny: \"I am not a woman. I am a Queen.\" But Albert reveals himself to be Team #ImNotWithHer, so Victoria goes to the church to be purified and have her \"sin\" cast out because whatever hubby says, goes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/lc-eyeroll-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-42283\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/lc-eyeroll-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"375\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To celebrate her sinlessness, Victoria rides around on a horse and then tries to make another baby with Albert on an uncomfortable chair. But her sexy plan is thwarted by a servant, who brings in their newborn. I'm guessing Victoria forgot to put the sock on the door handle. What an amateur.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert runs to the baby and obsesses over its blue eyes. Victoria snaps at him: \"All babies have blue eyes, Albert!\" The Aryan Nation is strong with this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-white-gif-the-office.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98249\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-white-gif-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef pulls a knife on a maid. This was before HR departments were invented, so, after the briefest of reprimands, Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef is allowed to continue handling knives around defenseless young women. What could possibly go wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is ready to get back to work, but Albert doesn't want to give back control. A standoff ensues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/tug-of-war-dogs-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98251\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/tug-of-war-dogs-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria and Albert inspect an army regiment. Albert shares his belief that the fancy plumes on the helmets aren't useful during actual war. Victoria's response: \u003cem>But they're so cute! \u003c/em>During this facepalm-worthy exchange, a bunch of Brits in Afghanistan scream \"OH, COME ON!\" before freezing to death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Victoria announces that she has officially given in to Prime Minister Peele's request that she replace her ladies with women from his conservative party. She has dumped her bestie for someone called the Duchess of Buccleuch (that's apparently a real word). When Peele finds out Victoria picked her of all people, his face takes on the appearance of an elongated \u003cem>EWWWW\u003c/em>, so this should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During her final exchange with Dumped Bestie, Victoria skips any I'm-going-to-miss-you-so-much-Let's-keep-in-touch mooshiness and instead opts for this unusual parting topic: \u003cem>Hey, did you also despise your baby at first? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/throw-simba-lion-king-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/throw-simba-lion-king-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"350\" height=\"204\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, the Duchess of Buccleuch (does this pairing of letters upset anyone else?) arrives. She's old, she's crabby, and she's played by the same actress who played \u003ca href=\"http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Olenna_Tyrell\">Olenna Tyrell\u003c/a> in \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em> (reincarnation is real!). Like I said: this should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before bed, Victoria finds out that Albert has been making a bunch of decisions behind her back and withholding key information about the mess in Afghanistan so as not to overburden her small lady brain. She is not amused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Gif-Queen-Elizabeth-II.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98410\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Gif-Queen-Elizabeth-II.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of saying sorry for grossly overstepping his bounds, Albert whines that only the Prime Minister appreciates him; Peele even was \"most complimentary\" about his sketches of new plume-less helmets for the soldiers. Victoria takes one look at them and says, \"I don't give a fig about your helmets\" before storming out. Albert demands to know where she thinks she's going. Victoria K.O.s him with this: \"To the nursery! Isn't that where you think I belong?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mortal-kombat-flawless-victory.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98254\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mortal-kombat-flawless-victory.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria is hanging out with the Duchess of Buccleuch and learning a bit about her likes and dislikes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Dislikes:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Unmarried women reading novels.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Foreigners touching British babies.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Black people in general.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Shakespeare.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Dust.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Likes:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The good old days.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Um, yeah, that's about it.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Governess Dictator interrupts their joyless hang by asking Victoria if she wants to see her baby. Victoria's vibe is \u003cem>Not really, but since you all are watching, I guess\u003c/em>. 15 seconds later, the baby farts and cries and Victoria asks for her to be taken away at once. This little princess is going to have A LOT to talk about in therapy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As if things weren't uncomfortable enough within the royal marriage, a bunch of relatives of both Victoria and Albert (because, remember, they're FIRST COUSINS) decide to visit Buckingham Palace.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's father-in-law/uncle (ew) doesn't waste any time declaring it \"a pity\" that the new baby is a girl, and that he expects a grandson by Christmas. Um, hello to you too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Leopold is as tactless as his brother, announcing that he's excited to help Albert with all the royal responsibilities. Victoria quickly shuts him down by saying he can for sure help Albert on whatever little plumbing commission she's created to keep him busy while she's, you know, actually running sh-t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And Albert's brother, Ernst, looks around and is like, \u003cem>Hey, Victoria, where'd your bestie go? I never got the chance to give her syphilis!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/syphilis2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98257\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/syphilis2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner that night, everyone hates the soup. Victoria's mom even finds an entire chicken head in her bowl! It is decreed that Hot Italian Chef will be reinstated ASAP. So I can stop putting together this whitehouse.gov petition then? Cool!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before bed, mostly because of Afghanistan, but also partly because that soup was genuinely very bad, Victoria is in a rage. Albert continues to insist that keeping important information from her makes sense 'cause women shouldn't worry their little heads about war. With my full approval, Victoria throws a brush directly at Albert's face. Brava, your majesty, brava!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/meryl-j-lo-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96487\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/meryl-j-lo-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Ernst listens to Albert whine about the brush-throwing incident, and breaks it down for his bro: \u003cem>Um, maybe don't undermine her at every turn? And perhaps ease up on usurping her duties and trying to control every single thing she does?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A lightbulb goes off over Albert's head. \u003cem>Ohhh, you mean respect her? I never thought of that! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19773\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Poor People News, Babyface Maid has received a promotion to be Head Downstairs Boss Lady and is tasked with getting Hot Italian Chef to come back. Despite recently stomping all over his heart, she trots on over to his new workplace, as if that's not a supremely inappropriate thing to do. He looks at her like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stank-face-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98259\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stank-face-2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hot Italian Chef tells her he wouldn't return to the palace for even five times as much as his current salary. Getting your heart broken sucks, I agree, but dude, get them coins! There are other babyfaced fishes in the sea! You'll figure it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Babyface Maid admits that it was wrong to ice him out for no good reason last year, and shares that she did eventually stop being a jerk long enough to go looking for him, only to find that it was too late. Hot Italian Chef agrees that, yes, it's definitely too little too late, and everything he's so strongly feeling in this moment is transmuted into a hit single by JoJo over a century later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-jgiwvWLzg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Uncle Leopold is already talking about the marriage he wants to arrange for the 12 week old princess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-gross-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98260\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-gross-face.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"636\" height=\"636\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only Victoria speaks up about how gross it is to talk about marrying off an infant. Albert's dad is like, \u003cem>Ugh, why is she still talking? Go make us a son, woman!\u003c/em> Victoria again has to pull out the verbal Mortal Kombat moves: \"What my country needs is a Queen, not a broodmare!\" You tell them, sis!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that week, at a post-baptism rave, Victoria receives more bad news from Afghanistan: Out of the 4000 troops, only one survived the ambush and escaped across the border. Everyone reacts differently:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert Peele:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>It's the previous administration's fault! Thanks, Obama!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Maybe if they were wearing my cool helmets, this wouldn't have happened!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Uncle Leopold:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>What do we want? A male heir! When do we want it? NOW! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>I know! Let's throw a Britain Is The Best party!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Albert is royally pissed. A party at such a time? Also, he has a feeling that Victoria is sending sexy letters to Lord M. Even after being shown Lord M's last letter, which is all about orchids (albeit one of the more vaginal-looking flowers out there), Albert nevertheless commits to throwing a tantrum (because it's not an episode of this show without one). \"Oh, Victoria! You are not stupid, and yet right now it appears you are not astute enough to realize you are behaving as if you are!\" For some reason, Victoria does not throw all the brushes at his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/hit-him-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98261\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/hit-him-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, the public assembles for Victoria's party, which turns out to be a yacht party! She gives a speech that goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Hiiii! Okay, so, this boat is mine, like everything else in this country. It's called the Trafalgar in honor of that time we destroyed the French and Spanish navies. Wasn't that so dope? Anyway, sure, we just lost a bunch of men in Afghanistan, but, as the venerable DJ Khaled says, all we do is win, win, win, no matter what. So here's to ignoring the state of things and believing we're still the best in the world and that every other country is full of a bunch of savages! ......... \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdCYMvaUcrA\">Please clap\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Hot Italian Chef has taken my advice and returned to the Buckingham Palace kitchen to snatch them coins! Babyface Maid is excited and thinks all is forgiven. But the previous JoJo jam stands.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-jgiwvWLzg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That evening, Victoria tells Albert she wants their baby to marry for love, like she did, and not for dynastic reasons. Um, sorry to interrupt, your highness, but you do recall that you married your first cousin for dynastic reasons, right? Thinking he was hot doesn't change that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In yet another downstairs storyline no one asked for, some little kid is secretly living in the servants' areas, sniffing the Queen's undergarments, knocking over hats, and stealing cheese and wine. A new maid thinks it's the work of a ghost.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58727\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"351\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Albert's dad is annoyed that his allowance isn't bigger and that all the women at the palace are too ugly or too old to sleep with. It's hard out here for a straight white dude monarch. Our thoughts and prayers go out to him during this difficult time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, would you look at the time? It's Dash o'clock!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1020x989.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"621\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1020x989.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-160x155.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-800x776.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-768x745.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1200x1164.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1180x1145.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-960x931.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-240x233.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-375x364.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-520x504.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried.jpg 1464w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1020x567.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1020x567.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-768x427.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1200x668.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1920x1068.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1180x656.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-960x534.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-240x134.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-375x209.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-520x289.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can you even with those eyes? I feel renewed, don't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moving right along... Some people collect baseball cards. Albert collects random hobbies. Trains! Helmets! And now calculators! He randomly starts geeking out with Ada Lovelace, thought to be the world's first computer programmer (also the daughter of Lord Byron -- that guy sure does get around!). Meanwhile, Victoria is back home, stumped at her desk over a term in one of her government papers -- a geometric something or other. But she doesn't want to ask Albert for help 'cause she just got him to stop being a condescending sexist jerk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-sucks.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98374\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-sucks.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert comes home super jazzed about the future of computers. \u003cem>Just think of the possibilities! Someday, we'll all be able to get into weird relationships with strangers on AOL!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/online-see-me-sex-and-the-city-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98375\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/online-see-me-sex-and-the-city-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"299\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria doesn't know anything about this stuff, so all she can think to say is: \u003cem>Let's throw a house party for the nerds! \u003c/em>She quickly drafts a guest list and includes Lord M. Uh oh, Albert's man baby ego is not going to like this! Tantrum in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid is still trying to make things better with Hot Italian Chef. He did come back, after all. Maybe he's on his way to forgiving her? Not so much. Turns out the Queen got him fired from his other gig in order to force him back to the Palace against his will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-10.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38267\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-10.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While getting ready for the party, Victoria realizes she can't fit into her corset like she used to. Oh, brother, not another pregnancy! We *just* got done with that storyline!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/i-dont-want-it-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98376\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/i-dont-want-it-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">*checks the birth years of Queen Victoria's children on Wikipedia*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">SIGH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/survivor-eye-roll-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98377\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/survivor-eye-roll-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"294\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The night of the party, Victoria is shocked to find out Ada Lovelace is a super hot babe. She tries to chaperone Albert's conversation with her, but can't keep up. On the topic of pi, all she can offer is: \"What kind of pie needs to be divided into 125 pieces?\" Albert and Ada laugh, \u003cem>No, silly, not the kind of pie you eat! The mathematical constant! \u003c/em>Victoria stands there like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/anigif_sub-buzz-3761-1505152454-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98372\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/anigif_sub-buzz-3761-1505152454-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Embarrassed, Victoria ditches them for Lord M, who makes her feel smart and pretty again, as all men who've been friend-zoned are wont to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria has morning sickness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/im-bored-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98378\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/im-bored-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is as annoyed about the pregnancy as I am, so she picks a fight with Albert about Ada and math:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-worthless.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98373\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-worthless.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert gets defensive: \"Lady Lovelace is a highly intelligent woman doing the most remarkable work!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which causes Victoria to also get defensive: \"And what am I then? An ignoramus who has to have things summarized by her husband?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They trade barbs back and forth for a while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/friends-arguing-third-wheel.gif\"> \u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98381\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/friends-arguing-third-wheel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert eventually storms out to have dinner with Ada (and 20 other mathematicians), against Victoria's wishes. So she sends a servant to tell him to return at once, to which he responds \u003cem>Make me! \u003c/em>And to think these two are considered mature enough to rule over a whole empire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time he gets home, Victoria has already locked her bedroom doors and is busy spooning a loyal creature who knows less about math than she does.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-768x431.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1920x1078.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1180x663.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-960x539.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-520x292.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, she heads to Lord M's house and makes sure everyone knows where she's going. But nothing sexy happens because this isn't \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (I miss those fornicators!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I interrupt the regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message: GAY SUBPLOT ALERT!!!! Peele's assistant, easily the hottest dude this season, helps that guy who was holding Dash earlier light his cigarette in a sensual way. More of this! Less of everything else!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98385\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1020x572.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"359\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1020x572.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1200x672.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1920x1076.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-960x538.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-240x134.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-375x210.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-520x291.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1020x461.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"289\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1020x461.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-160x72.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-800x361.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-768x347.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1200x542.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1920x867.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1180x533.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-960x434.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-240x108.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-375x169.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-520x235.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back to the main plot (if we must): Lord M takes a break from casually allowing leeches to suck out his blood (WTF) to write a letter to Victoria, encouraging her to stop dropping by unannounced (#introvert) and to also stop seeing other powerful women as competition (#feminist).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria goes to see Ada and finds out Ada is too busy raising three children and inventing stuff to steal anyone's husband. Victoria and Ada both agree that being a woman in the 19th century blows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/gilmore-girls-ya-ya-solidarity-sister-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98387\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/gilmore-girls-ya-ya-solidarity-sister-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That afternoon, Victoria apologizes to Albert for being jealous of Ada for no reason. Okay, Albert, now it's your turn to apologize for being jealous of Lord M for no reason for the past year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/buffy-nods-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98411\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/buffy-nods-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"150\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Oh, turns out he's not sorry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sarah-michelle-gellars-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-trivia-needs-a-little-work.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98388\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sarah-michelle-gellars-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-trivia-needs-a-little-work.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"900\" height=\"500\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens up about how she fears motherhood could threaten her agency. Albert says he understands. Victoria pretends to believe him, and they live happily ever after (until next week, when they will surely continue to endlessly bicker about every little thing).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert's Dad & Uncle Leopold & Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lra5aklifM1r1ai0yo1_500.gif\">Go home, Roger!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Victoria's Dumped Bestie. \u003c/strong>Congratulations on narrowly avoiding syphilis!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Dash. \u003c/strong>He's a show-off and I love him for it. But you already knew that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Ada Lovelace. \u003c/strong>Major thanks for paving the way for the internet! Without her contributions, we might never have evolved to lie in bed all day watching \u003cem>The Great British Bake Off\u003c/em> on Netflix.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: The Maybe Gays.\u003c/strong> This will probably end like \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>'s gay storyline (i.e. not well), but for now I'm going to delude myself into believing the writers will let these two fall in love without tragedy or drug addiction or prison or one of them \u003ca href=\"https://www.lauraagustin.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/ennis.jpg\">smelling the other's denim shirt after he's dead\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "97767 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=97767",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2018/01/14/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": true,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 3695,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 141
},
"modified": 1551664147,
"excerpt": "Victoria throws a brush at her husband's face and hates her new baby. Also, two characters might be gay (#escandalo)!",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Victoria throws a brush at her husband's face and hates her new baby. Also, two characters might be gay (#escandalo)!",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside",
"datePublished": "2018-01-14T18:00:19-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:49:07-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>For those who have no idea what this show is about, I advise you to read \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">my previous recaps\u003c/a>. If you’re too busy or impatient for all of that, here’s the much-abbreviated gist:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A teen named Alexandrina ascends to the throne when her uncle, King William IV, dies. She immediately makes some changes: de-ethnicizing her name to Victoria because foreigners are icky, and beginning to walk down stairs without holding onto her governess (*GASP*).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Brits don't take to her right away; gossip about her being super duper short and her tongue being too big for her mouth circulates. Victoria doesn't help matters by forcing an invasive gynecological exam on a woman she believes to be a ginormous whore. Turns out the woman was a virgin whose distended belly had nothing to do with pregnancy and everything to do with a huge cancerous tumor. Humiliated, the woman dies soon thereafter. Victoria gives a \u003cem>My bad!\u003c/em> shrug and proceeds to forget all about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to bullying virgins with cancer, Victoria spends her time channeling her daddy issues into a flirtation with her Prime Minister, Lord M, who was 40 years older than her in real life. It doesn't work out because he never got over his wife ditching him for Lord Byron (yes, the famed poet!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria looks elsewhere for a baby daddy, and not too far because she settles on her first cousin, Albert, who is the human embodiment of a nap-deprived toddler having a Veruca Salt-level tantrum. The duo bicker from the start: on the subjects of stamps, gardens vs. forests, old Masters vs. modern art, whether beets are poor people food, etc. Instead of finding a partner who doesn't brattily pick a fight over every little thing, Victoria thinks, \u003cem>Eh, this is good enough for a lifetime, I suppose\u003c/em>, marries him, and has his baby, who surprisingly arrives without some kind of incest-inspired deformity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and in a forced \"downstairs\" storyline meant to conjure the success of \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, a baby-faced maid almost ran off with a hot Italian chef, but didn't because she's a dummy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, got all that? Great. Let’s do this…\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We're thrown right into a bomb cyclone blizzard. No, we haven't found ourselves at \u003ca href=\"http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/The_Wall\">The Wall\u003c/a> from \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em> (you'll have to \u003ca href=\"http://ew.com/tv/2018/01/04/game-thrones-2019/\">wait until 2019\u003c/a> for that); we're in Afghanistan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Things aren't going well for the Brits, who are embroiled in what is either called the First Anglo-Afghan War (why must there always be a sequel?) or the \"\u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Anglo-Afghan_War\">Disaster in Afghanistan\u003c/a>,\" depending on your perspective. The troops quietly say goodbye to their fingers and toes before frostbite snatches them, and prepare themselves to probably be ambushed and die for the vaguest of causes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But you know who has it worse, judging by her annoyed huffing and puffing? Queen Victoria, whose #squad is insisting on wrapping her up in blankets and pushing her around in a fancy three-wheeled cushioned chair. I could dedicate the next several sentences to how this upsetting juxtaposition of class divides speaks to modern American society, but instead I'm going to say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">OMG, DASH THE DOG IS BACK!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98243\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1020x560.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"351\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1020x560.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-800x439.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-768x421.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1200x658.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1920x1053.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-1180x647.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-960x527.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-2-520x285.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">HOW I'VE MISSED HIM!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98244\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1020x548.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1020x548.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-160x86.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-800x430.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-768x413.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1200x645.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1920x1032.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-1180x634.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-960x516.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-240x129.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-375x202.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-1-520x279.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">LOOK AT HIS FACE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98245\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1020x665.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"417\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1020x665.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-160x104.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-800x522.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-768x501.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1200x783.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1920x1252.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-1180x770.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-960x626.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-240x157.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-375x245.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-victoria-heart-520x339.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that I got that out of my system, back to the issues at hand. The Hot Italian Chef has left Buckingham Palace to go start a food truck or whatever, so there's a new chef downstairs. I was fully prepared to call this new character Hot New Chef, but he's... well... not, so he will henceforth be called Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/rhobh-not-cute-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98247\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/rhobh-not-cute-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria refuses to be carted around anymore. She wants to go outside and almost get assassinated again like last season!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not so fast, missy! Apparently, the custom is that, after giving birth, the new mother must be \"churched\" (i.e. purified by a priest) before being reintroduced into society because men are scared of the power of female bodies and must make women feel dirty and less than at every turn so they don't get bright ideas of having equal rights or running for President or something crazy like that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/patriarchy-wonder-woman-gif-punch.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98248\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/patriarchy-wonder-woman-gif-punch.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"600\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria (sort of ) takes a stand against misogyny: \"I am not a woman. I am a Queen.\" But Albert reveals himself to be Team #ImNotWithHer, so Victoria goes to the church to be purified and have her \"sin\" cast out because whatever hubby says, goes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/lc-eyeroll-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-42283\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/lc-eyeroll-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"375\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To celebrate her sinlessness, Victoria rides around on a horse and then tries to make another baby with Albert on an uncomfortable chair. But her sexy plan is thwarted by a servant, who brings in their newborn. I'm guessing Victoria forgot to put the sock on the door handle. What an amateur.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert runs to the baby and obsesses over its blue eyes. Victoria snaps at him: \"All babies have blue eyes, Albert!\" The Aryan Nation is strong with this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-white-gif-the-office.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98249\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/so-white-gif-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef pulls a knife on a maid. This was before HR departments were invented, so, after the briefest of reprimands, Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef is allowed to continue handling knives around defenseless young women. What could possibly go wrong?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is ready to get back to work, but Albert doesn't want to give back control. A standoff ensues.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/tug-of-war-dogs-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98251\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/tug-of-war-dogs-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria and Albert inspect an army regiment. Albert shares his belief that the fancy plumes on the helmets aren't useful during actual war. Victoria's response: \u003cem>But they're so cute! \u003c/em>During this facepalm-worthy exchange, a bunch of Brits in Afghanistan scream \"OH, COME ON!\" before freezing to death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Victoria announces that she has officially given in to Prime Minister Peele's request that she replace her ladies with women from his conservative party. She has dumped her bestie for someone called the Duchess of Buccleuch (that's apparently a real word). When Peele finds out Victoria picked her of all people, his face takes on the appearance of an elongated \u003cem>EWWWW\u003c/em>, so this should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>During her final exchange with Dumped Bestie, Victoria skips any I'm-going-to-miss-you-so-much-Let's-keep-in-touch mooshiness and instead opts for this unusual parting topic: \u003cem>Hey, did you also despise your baby at first? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/throw-simba-lion-king-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/throw-simba-lion-king-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"350\" height=\"204\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, the Duchess of Buccleuch (does this pairing of letters upset anyone else?) arrives. She's old, she's crabby, and she's played by the same actress who played \u003ca href=\"http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Olenna_Tyrell\">Olenna Tyrell\u003c/a> in \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em> (reincarnation is real!). Like I said: this should be good.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before bed, Victoria finds out that Albert has been making a bunch of decisions behind her back and withholding key information about the mess in Afghanistan so as not to overburden her small lady brain. She is not amused.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Gif-Queen-Elizabeth-II.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98410\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/Gif-Queen-Elizabeth-II.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"499\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of saying sorry for grossly overstepping his bounds, Albert whines that only the Prime Minister appreciates him; Peele even was \"most complimentary\" about his sketches of new plume-less helmets for the soldiers. Victoria takes one look at them and says, \"I don't give a fig about your helmets\" before storming out. Albert demands to know where she thinks she's going. Victoria K.O.s him with this: \"To the nursery! Isn't that where you think I belong?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mortal-kombat-flawless-victory.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98254\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mortal-kombat-flawless-victory.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"450\" height=\"285\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria is hanging out with the Duchess of Buccleuch and learning a bit about her likes and dislikes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Dislikes:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Unmarried women reading novels.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Foreigners touching British babies.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Black people in general.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Shakespeare.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Dust.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Likes:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>The good old days.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Um, yeah, that's about it.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>Governess Dictator interrupts their joyless hang by asking Victoria if she wants to see her baby. Victoria's vibe is \u003cem>Not really, but since you all are watching, I guess\u003c/em>. 15 seconds later, the baby farts and cries and Victoria asks for her to be taken away at once. This little princess is going to have A LOT to talk about in therapy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As if things weren't uncomfortable enough within the royal marriage, a bunch of relatives of both Victoria and Albert (because, remember, they're FIRST COUSINS) decide to visit Buckingham Palace.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's father-in-law/uncle (ew) doesn't waste any time declaring it \"a pity\" that the new baby is a girl, and that he expects a grandson by Christmas. Um, hello to you too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Uncle Leopold is as tactless as his brother, announcing that he's excited to help Albert with all the royal responsibilities. Victoria quickly shuts him down by saying he can for sure help Albert on whatever little plumbing commission she's created to keep him busy while she's, you know, actually running sh-t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And Albert's brother, Ernst, looks around and is like, \u003cem>Hey, Victoria, where'd your bestie go? I never got the chance to give her syphilis!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/syphilis2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98257\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/syphilis2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At dinner that night, everyone hates the soup. Victoria's mom even finds an entire chicken head in her bowl! It is decreed that Hot Italian Chef will be reinstated ASAP. So I can stop putting together this whitehouse.gov petition then? Cool!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before bed, mostly because of Afghanistan, but also partly because that soup was genuinely very bad, Victoria is in a rage. Albert continues to insist that keeping important information from her makes sense 'cause women shouldn't worry their little heads about war. With my full approval, Victoria throws a brush directly at Albert's face. Brava, your majesty, brava!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/meryl-j-lo-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96487\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/meryl-j-lo-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Ernst listens to Albert whine about the brush-throwing incident, and breaks it down for his bro: \u003cem>Um, maybe don't undermine her at every turn? And perhaps ease up on usurping her duties and trying to control every single thing she does?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A lightbulb goes off over Albert's head. \u003cem>Ohhh, you mean respect her? I never thought of that! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19773\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/DRGuTDE.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Poor People News, Babyface Maid has received a promotion to be Head Downstairs Boss Lady and is tasked with getting Hot Italian Chef to come back. Despite recently stomping all over his heart, she trots on over to his new workplace, as if that's not a supremely inappropriate thing to do. He looks at her like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stank-face-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98259\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/stank-face-2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"220\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hot Italian Chef tells her he wouldn't return to the palace for even five times as much as his current salary. Getting your heart broken sucks, I agree, but dude, get them coins! There are other babyfaced fishes in the sea! You'll figure it out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Babyface Maid admits that it was wrong to ice him out for no good reason last year, and shares that she did eventually stop being a jerk long enough to go looking for him, only to find that it was too late. Hot Italian Chef agrees that, yes, it's definitely too little too late, and everything he's so strongly feeling in this moment is transmuted into a hit single by JoJo over a century later.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/v-jgiwvWLzg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/v-jgiwvWLzg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Back at the palace, Uncle Leopold is already talking about the marriage he wants to arrange for the 12 week old princess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-gross-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98260\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/jennifer-lawrence-gross-face.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"636\" height=\"636\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Only Victoria speaks up about how gross it is to talk about marrying off an infant. Albert's dad is like, \u003cem>Ugh, why is she still talking? Go make us a son, woman!\u003c/em> Victoria again has to pull out the verbal Mortal Kombat moves: \"What my country needs is a Queen, not a broodmare!\" You tell them, sis!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that week, at a post-baptism rave, Victoria receives more bad news from Afghanistan: Out of the 4000 troops, only one survived the ambush and escaped across the border. Everyone reacts differently:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Robert Peele:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>It's the previous administration's fault! Thanks, Obama!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Maybe if they were wearing my cool helmets, this wouldn't have happened!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Uncle Leopold:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>What do we want? A male heir! When do we want it? NOW! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>I know! Let's throw a Britain Is The Best party!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Albert is royally pissed. A party at such a time? Also, he has a feeling that Victoria is sending sexy letters to Lord M. Even after being shown Lord M's last letter, which is all about orchids (albeit one of the more vaginal-looking flowers out there), Albert nevertheless commits to throwing a tantrum (because it's not an episode of this show without one). \"Oh, Victoria! You are not stupid, and yet right now it appears you are not astute enough to realize you are behaving as if you are!\" For some reason, Victoria does not throw all the brushes at his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/hit-him-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98261\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/hit-him-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, the public assembles for Victoria's party, which turns out to be a yacht party! She gives a speech that goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Hiiii! Okay, so, this boat is mine, like everything else in this country. It's called the Trafalgar in honor of that time we destroyed the French and Spanish navies. Wasn't that so dope? Anyway, sure, we just lost a bunch of men in Afghanistan, but, as the venerable DJ Khaled says, all we do is win, win, win, no matter what. So here's to ignoring the state of things and believing we're still the best in the world and that every other country is full of a bunch of savages! ......... \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdCYMvaUcrA\">Please clap\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Hot Italian Chef has taken my advice and returned to the Buckingham Palace kitchen to snatch them coins! Babyface Maid is excited and thinks all is forgiven. But the previous JoJo jam stands.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/v-jgiwvWLzg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/v-jgiwvWLzg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>That evening, Victoria tells Albert she wants their baby to marry for love, like she did, and not for dynastic reasons. Um, sorry to interrupt, your highness, but you do recall that you married your first cousin for dynastic reasons, right? Thinking he was hot doesn't change that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In yet another downstairs storyline no one asked for, some little kid is secretly living in the servants' areas, sniffing the Queen's undergarments, knocking over hats, and stealing cheese and wine. A new maid thinks it's the work of a ghost.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58727\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"351\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Albert's dad is annoyed that his allowance isn't bigger and that all the women at the palace are too ugly or too old to sleep with. It's hard out here for a straight white dude monarch. Our thoughts and prayers go out to him during this difficult time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, would you look at the time? It's Dash o'clock!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1020x989.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"621\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1020x989.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-160x155.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-800x776.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-768x745.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1200x1164.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-1180x1145.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-960x931.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-240x233.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-375x364.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-520x504.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-carried.jpg 1464w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1020x567.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"356\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1020x567.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-800x445.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-768x427.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1200x668.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1920x1068.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1180x656.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-960x534.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-240x134.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-375x209.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-sitting-puppy-dog-eyes-520x289.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Can you even with those eyes? I feel renewed, don't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moving right along... Some people collect baseball cards. Albert collects random hobbies. Trains! Helmets! And now calculators! He randomly starts geeking out with Ada Lovelace, thought to be the world's first computer programmer (also the daughter of Lord Byron -- that guy sure does get around!). Meanwhile, Victoria is back home, stumped at her desk over a term in one of her government papers -- a geometric something or other. But she doesn't want to ask Albert for help 'cause she just got him to stop being a condescending sexist jerk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-sucks.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98374\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-sucks.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert comes home super jazzed about the future of computers. \u003cem>Just think of the possibilities! Someday, we'll all be able to get into weird relationships with strangers on AOL!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/online-see-me-sex-and-the-city-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98375\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/online-see-me-sex-and-the-city-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"299\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria doesn't know anything about this stuff, so all she can think to say is: \u003cem>Let's throw a house party for the nerds! \u003c/em>She quickly drafts a guest list and includes Lord M. Uh oh, Albert's man baby ego is not going to like this! Tantrum in 3, 2, 1...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid is still trying to make things better with Hot Italian Chef. He did come back, after all. Maybe he's on his way to forgiving her? Not so much. Turns out the Queen got him fired from his other gig in order to force him back to the Palace against his will.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-10.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38267\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-10.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While getting ready for the party, Victoria realizes she can't fit into her corset like she used to. Oh, brother, not another pregnancy! We *just* got done with that storyline!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/i-dont-want-it-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98376\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/i-dont-want-it-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"268\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">*checks the birth years of Queen Victoria's children on Wikipedia*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">SIGH.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/survivor-eye-roll-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98377\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/survivor-eye-roll-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"294\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The night of the party, Victoria is shocked to find out Ada Lovelace is a super hot babe. She tries to chaperone Albert's conversation with her, but can't keep up. On the topic of pi, all she can offer is: \"What kind of pie needs to be divided into 125 pieces?\" Albert and Ada laugh, \u003cem>No, silly, not the kind of pie you eat! The mathematical constant! \u003c/em>Victoria stands there like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/anigif_sub-buzz-3761-1505152454-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98372\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/anigif_sub-buzz-3761-1505152454-1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Embarrassed, Victoria ditches them for Lord M, who makes her feel smart and pretty again, as all men who've been friend-zoned are wont to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria has morning sickness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/im-bored-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98378\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/im-bored-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria is as annoyed about the pregnancy as I am, so she picks a fight with Albert about Ada and math:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-worthless.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98373\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/math-worthless.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert gets defensive: \"Lady Lovelace is a highly intelligent woman doing the most remarkable work!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which causes Victoria to also get defensive: \"And what am I then? An ignoramus who has to have things summarized by her husband?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They trade barbs back and forth for a while.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/friends-arguing-third-wheel.gif\"> \u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98381\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/friends-arguing-third-wheel.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert eventually storms out to have dinner with Ada (and 20 other mathematicians), against Victoria's wishes. So she sends a servant to tell him to return at once, to which he responds \u003cem>Make me! \u003c/em>And to think these two are considered mature enough to rule over a whole empire.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>By the time he gets home, Victoria has already locked her bedroom doors and is busy spooning a loyal creature who knows less about math than she does.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-800x449.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-768x431.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1920x1078.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-1180x663.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-960x539.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-375x211.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/dash-spooning-520x292.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, she heads to Lord M's house and makes sure everyone knows where she's going. But nothing sexy happens because this isn't \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> (I miss those fornicators!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I interrupt the regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message: GAY SUBPLOT ALERT!!!! Peele's assistant, easily the hottest dude this season, helps that guy who was holding Dash earlier light his cigarette in a sensual way. More of this! Less of everything else!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98385\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1020x572.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"359\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1020x572.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1200x672.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1920x1076.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-960x538.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-240x134.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-375x210.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-2-520x291.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-98386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1020x461.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"289\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1020x461.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-160x72.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-800x361.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-768x347.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1200x542.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1920x867.png 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-1180x533.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-960x434.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-240x108.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-375x169.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sexy-look-victoria-520x235.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back to the main plot (if we must): Lord M takes a break from casually allowing leeches to suck out his blood (WTF) to write a letter to Victoria, encouraging her to stop dropping by unannounced (#introvert) and to also stop seeing other powerful women as competition (#feminist).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria goes to see Ada and finds out Ada is too busy raising three children and inventing stuff to steal anyone's husband. Victoria and Ada both agree that being a woman in the 19th century blows.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/gilmore-girls-ya-ya-solidarity-sister-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98387\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/gilmore-girls-ya-ya-solidarity-sister-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That afternoon, Victoria apologizes to Albert for being jealous of Ada for no reason. Okay, Albert, now it's your turn to apologize for being jealous of Lord M for no reason for the past year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/buffy-nods-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98411\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/buffy-nods-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"150\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Oh, turns out he's not sorry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sarah-michelle-gellars-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-trivia-needs-a-little-work.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98388\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/sarah-michelle-gellars-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-trivia-needs-a-little-work.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"900\" height=\"500\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens up about how she fears motherhood could threaten her agency. Albert says he understands. Victoria pretends to believe him, and they live happily ever after (until next week, when they will surely continue to endlessly bicker about every little thing).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert's Dad & Uncle Leopold & Not Hot Mutton Chop Chef. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lra5aklifM1r1ai0yo1_500.gif\">Go home, Roger!\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Victoria's Dumped Bestie. \u003c/strong>Congratulations on narrowly avoiding syphilis!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Dash. \u003c/strong>He's a show-off and I love him for it. But you already knew that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Ada Lovelace. \u003c/strong>Major thanks for paving the way for the internet! Without her contributions, we might never have evolved to lie in bed all day watching \u003cem>The Great British Bake Off\u003c/em> on Netflix.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: The Maybe Gays.\u003c/strong> This will probably end like \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>'s gay storyline (i.e. not well), but for now I'm going to delude myself into believing the writers will let these two fall in love without tragedy or drug addiction or prison or one of them \u003ca href=\"https://www.lauraagustin.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/ennis.jpg\">smelling the other's denim shirt after he's dead\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, or read all my other \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> / \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\">recaps\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_98390",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_96981": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_96981",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96981",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1508873615000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1508873615,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "Drama World Series: Find Out Which Show Won an All-Day Marathon!",
"title": "Drama World Series: Find Out Which Show Won an All-Day Marathon!",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>For the past three weeks, your most beloved TV shows duked it out in a bracket smackdown to win an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were shocking upsets (like when \u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em> lost by less than one percentage point to \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/phoebe-shocked-gif-friends.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96984\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/phoebe-shocked-gif-friends.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And mighty blowouts (like when \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> obliterated both \u003cem>Anne of Green Gables\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> with 76% and 80% of the vote, respectively).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/downton-countess-gif-happy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/downton-countess-gif-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"545\" height=\"363\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the smoke cleared, it was down to \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> versus \u003cem>Sherlock\u003c/em>. Considering how much \u003cem>Downton \u003c/em>has slayed in this series, I thought it was obvious we would all be watching 24 hours of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/04/the-best-quotes-from-downton-abbeys-dowager-countess-queen-of-shade/\">Countess quips\u003c/a> this Sunday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/world-without-books-gifs-tv_0.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96986\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/world-without-books-gifs-tv_0.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"359\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But you're going to have to put away your Sybil-inspired harem pants...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/harem-pants-downton-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96982\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/harem-pants-downton-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"216\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>... because in a last-minute surprise comeback, \u003cem>Sherlock\u003c/em> pulled out the win by a mere 6 votes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sherlock-shocked-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sherlock-shocked-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"323\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=\"9850349\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to tune into KQED PLUS this Sunday, October 29, 2017, for a full day of cheekbones and upturned collars!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our Drama World Series might be over, but that doesn't mean the fun has to stop. \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "96981 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=96981",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/10/24/drama-world-series-find-out-which-show-won-an-all-day-marathon/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 202,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 16
},
"modified": 1509040139,
"excerpt": "Our three-week smackdown has come to an end! Did 'Downton Abbey' or 'Sherlock' pull out the win?",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Our three-week smackdown has come to an end! Did 'Downton Abbey' or 'Sherlock' pull out the win?",
"title": "Drama World Series: Find Out Which Show Won an All-Day Marathon! | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "Drama World Series: Find Out Which Show Won an All-Day Marathon!",
"datePublished": "2017-10-24T12:33:35-07:00",
"dateModified": "2017-10-26T10:48:59-07:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "drama-world-series-find-out-which-show-won-an-all-day-marathon",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/96981/drama-world-series-find-out-which-show-won-an-all-day-marathon",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>For the past three weeks, your most beloved TV shows duked it out in a bracket smackdown to win an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There were shocking upsets (like when \u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em> lost by less than one percentage point to \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/phoebe-shocked-gif-friends.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96984\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/phoebe-shocked-gif-friends.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And mighty blowouts (like when \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> obliterated both \u003cem>Anne of Green Gables\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> with 76% and 80% of the vote, respectively).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/downton-countess-gif-happy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/downton-countess-gif-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"545\" height=\"363\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the smoke cleared, it was down to \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> versus \u003cem>Sherlock\u003c/em>. Considering how much \u003cem>Downton \u003c/em>has slayed in this series, I thought it was obvious we would all be watching 24 hours of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/03/04/the-best-quotes-from-downton-abbeys-dowager-countess-queen-of-shade/\">Countess quips\u003c/a> this Sunday.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/world-without-books-gifs-tv_0.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96986\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/world-without-books-gifs-tv_0.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"359\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But you're going to have to put away your Sybil-inspired harem pants...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/harem-pants-downton-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96982\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/harem-pants-downton-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"216\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>... because in a last-minute surprise comeback, \u003cem>Sherlock\u003c/em> pulled out the win by a mere 6 votes!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sherlock-shocked-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sherlock-shocked-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"323\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=\"9850349\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to tune into KQED PLUS this Sunday, October 29, 2017, for a full day of cheekbones and upturned collars!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Our Drama World Series might be over, but that doesn't mean the fun has to stop. \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/96981/drama-world-series-find-out-which-show-won-an-all-day-marathon",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_9",
"pop_3088",
"pop_2905",
"pop_407",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_96518",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_96652": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_96652",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96652",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1507554622000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1507554622,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "Drama World Series: Will Your Fave Make It Through the Semi-Final?",
"title": "Drama World Series: Will Your Fave Make It Through the Semi-Final?",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/10/04/drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show/\">Last week\u003c/a>, we kicked off the Drama World Series, a three-week bracket smackdown between eight of your most beloved TV shows. We've tallied your votes and are one step closer to finding out which competitor will win an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before we get to this week's matchups, let's take a moment to pour one out for our fallen heroes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em> lost by less than one percentage point to \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>. Putin strikes again?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/demelza-ross-poldark-sad-cry-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96654\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/demelza-ross-poldark-sad-cry-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"362\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Poor \u003cem>Anne of Green Gables\u003c/em> didn't stand a chance against the Countess and everyone else at \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, only managing 24% of the vote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/giphy_wazttz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96653\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/giphy_wazttz.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"460\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sherlock's cheekbones and upturned collar proved to be cooler than \u003cem>Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/miss-fisher-mysteries-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96655\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/miss-fisher-mysteries-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, perhaps with a little help from above,\u003cem> Grantchester's\u003c/em> sexy vicar\u003cem> \u003c/em>managed to defeat \u003cem>Prime Suspect\u003c/em>’s Helen Mirren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/051b923e0f7db97ff369852fc37d86fb.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/051b923e0f7db97ff369852fc37d86fb.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"357\" height=\"313\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which brings us to this week's semi-final! Let your voice be heard!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96657\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1920x1920.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-960x960.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-520x520.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9847429]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96658\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1920x1920.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-960x960.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-520x520.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=\"9847435\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to come back next Monday to find out the results and vote in the final! Need to kill time between now and then? \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "96652 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=96652",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/10/09/drama-world-series-will-your-fave-make-it-through-the-semi-final/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 207,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 18
},
"modified": 1509040166,
"excerpt": "Vote to get an all-day marathon of your favorite show!",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Vote to get an all-day marathon of your favorite show!",
"title": "Drama World Series: Will Your Fave Make It Through the Semi-Final? | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "Drama World Series: Will Your Fave Make It Through the Semi-Final?",
"datePublished": "2017-10-09T06:10:22-07:00",
"dateModified": "2017-10-26T10:49:26-07:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "drama-world-series-will-your-fave-make-it-through-the-semi-final",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/96652/drama-world-series-will-your-fave-make-it-through-the-semi-final",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/10/04/drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show/\">Last week\u003c/a>, we kicked off the Drama World Series, a three-week bracket smackdown between eight of your most beloved TV shows. We've tallied your votes and are one step closer to finding out which competitor will win an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before we get to this week's matchups, let's take a moment to pour one out for our fallen heroes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em> lost by less than one percentage point to \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>. Putin strikes again?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/demelza-ross-poldark-sad-cry-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96654\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/demelza-ross-poldark-sad-cry-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"362\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Poor \u003cem>Anne of Green Gables\u003c/em> didn't stand a chance against the Countess and everyone else at \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>, only managing 24% of the vote.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/giphy_wazttz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96653\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/giphy_wazttz.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"460\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sherlock's cheekbones and upturned collar proved to be cooler than \u003cem>Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/miss-fisher-mysteries-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96655\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/miss-fisher-mysteries-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, perhaps with a little help from above,\u003cem> Grantchester's\u003c/em> sexy vicar\u003cem> \u003c/em>managed to defeat \u003cem>Prime Suspect\u003c/em>’s Helen Mirren.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/051b923e0f7db97ff369852fc37d86fb.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/051b923e0f7db97ff369852fc37d86fb.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"357\" height=\"313\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Which brings us to this week's semi-final! Let your voice be heard!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96657\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1920x1920.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-960x960.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-520x520.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-vic-da-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9847429]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96658\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1920x1920.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-1180x1180.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-960x960.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-240x240.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-375x375.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-520x520.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-50x50.jpg 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/dws-grant-sherlock-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=\"9847435\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to come back next Monday to find out the results and vote in the final! Need to kill time between now and then? \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/96652/drama-world-series-will-your-fave-make-it-through-the-semi-final",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_9",
"pop_3088",
"pop_2905",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_96659",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_96435": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_96435",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "96435",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1507143744000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1507143744,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "Drama World Series: Vote for Your Favorite TV Show!",
"title": "Drama World Series: Vote for Your Favorite TV Show!",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>Championships! Parades! Tailgate booze fests! It seems like sports fans are always having all the fun. But what about those of us who prefer a well-crafted mystery or a clever period drama? Where's our competition worthy of eating guacamole and guzzling shots on a truck bed?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Questions like these inspired us to create the Drama World Series, a three-week bracket smackdown between eight of your most beloved television shows. The victor will get an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Representing \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, Ross is shirtless (when isn't he?) and ready to rumble:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96447\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/5166520_15-reasons-why-poldarks-aidan-turner_t38c8705b.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"376\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But don't count out \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">Victoria\u003c/a>. Have you seen her crumple a piece of paper to death?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96446\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_olhydaoxNn1w10zz1o2_540.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"241\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries’\u003c/em> namesake is armed, dangerous, and open to stabbing her opponent, if need be:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96448\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/stab3.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"306\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sherlock is understandably scared, but ready to kick his way to victory:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96449\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_n770ozeVfB1rzik3go1_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"295\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don't let Anne of Green Gables' youthful innocence fool you. She \u003cem>will\u003c/em> smash something over your head:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96450\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/16204558.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"384\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey’\u003c/em>\u003c/a>s Dowager Countess would very much like to see her try:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/downtonfencing.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like Ross Poldark, \u003cem>Grantchester’\u003c/em>s Sidney is also hoping his shirtlessness gives him an advantage:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96453\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/grantchester-shirt-off.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"619\" height=\"382\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That doesn't impress \u003cem>Prime Suspect’\u003c/em>s Jane Tennison much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96452\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_nkj4iqhIX81s1wohwo9_250.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"367\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So step up to the plate and vote for your favorite in this first round of matchups!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-96441 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841632]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96442 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841613]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96443 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841622]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96444 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841626]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to come back on Monday to find out the results and vote in Round 2! Need to kill time between now and then? \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "96435 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=96435",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/10/04/drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 279,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 29
},
"modified": 1509040178,
"excerpt": "Which of these eight beloved shows will win an all-day marathon on KQED?",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Which of these eight beloved shows will win an all-day marathon on KQED?",
"title": "Drama World Series: Vote for Your Favorite TV Show! | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "Drama World Series: Vote for Your Favorite TV Show!",
"datePublished": "2017-10-04T12:02:24-07:00",
"dateModified": "2017-10-26T10:49:38-07:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/96435/drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Championships! Parades! Tailgate booze fests! It seems like sports fans are always having all the fun. But what about those of us who prefer a well-crafted mystery or a clever period drama? Where's our competition worthy of eating guacamole and guzzling shots on a truck bed?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Questions like these inspired us to create the Drama World Series, a three-week bracket smackdown between eight of your most beloved television shows. The victor will get an all-day marathon on KQED PLUS on Sunday, October 29, 2017.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Representing \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003c/em>, Ross is shirtless (when isn't he?) and ready to rumble:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96447\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/5166520_15-reasons-why-poldarks-aidan-turner_t38c8705b.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"376\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But don't count out \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">Victoria\u003c/a>. Have you seen her crumple a piece of paper to death?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96446\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_olhydaoxNn1w10zz1o2_540.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"241\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries’\u003c/em> namesake is armed, dangerous, and open to stabbing her opponent, if need be:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96448\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/stab3.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"306\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sherlock is understandably scared, but ready to kick his way to victory:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96449\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_n770ozeVfB1rzik3go1_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"295\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Don't let Anne of Green Gables' youthful innocence fool you. She \u003cem>will\u003c/em> smash something over your head:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96450\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/16204558.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"384\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey’\u003c/em>\u003c/a>s Dowager Countess would very much like to see her try:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/downtonfencing.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like Ross Poldark, \u003cem>Grantchester’\u003c/em>s Sidney is also hoping his shirtlessness gives him an advantage:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96453\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/grantchester-shirt-off.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"619\" height=\"382\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That doesn't impress \u003cem>Prime Suspect’\u003c/em>s Jane Tennison much:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-96452\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/tumblr_nkj4iqhIX81s1wohwo9_250.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"367\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So step up to the plate and vote for your favorite in this first round of matchups!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-96441 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1000\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Poldark_vs_Victoria-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841632]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96442 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Miss_Fisher_vs_Sherlock-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841613]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96443 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Anne_vs_Downton-01-1-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841622]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"size-large wp-image-96444 aligncenter\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-160x160.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-800x800.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-768x768.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-960x960.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-240x240.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-375x375.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-520x520.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-64x64.png 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-96x96.png 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-128x128.png 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/09/Prime_Suspects_vs_Grantchester-01-2-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[polldaddy poll=9841626]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Make sure to come back on Monday to find out the results and vote in Round 2! Need to kill time between now and then? \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Catch up on our recaps\u003c/a> of \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria/\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/96435/drama-world-series-vote-for-your-favorite-tv-show",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_9",
"pop_3088",
"pop_2905",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_96557",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_68220": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_68220",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "68220",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1488926070000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1488926070,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "Victoria: Compare and Contrast the Historical Figures with the Actors Who Play Them",
"title": "Victoria: Compare and Contrast the Historical Figures with the Actors Who Play Them",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>The first season of PBS' \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> might be over, but that doesn't mean we can't still obsess over the historical figures who inspired the show. I'm not sure about you, but a huge part of my viewing experience involved pausing every few minutes to dig into historical research on what actually happened and what these people actually looked like. Get a load of the latter with these compare-and-contrast portraits of the real-life people and the actors who play them:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Queen Victoria\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=8beef1e6-02d0-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Prince Albert\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=52638420-02d3-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Lord Melbourne\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=4464c752-02d9-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Prince Ernst\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=b2c06fb6-02da-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Sir Robert Peel\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=09b572d0-0367-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">The Duchess of Kent\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=dbf2de90-0371-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Sir John Conroy\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=aaab189c-02dc-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Charles Elmé Francatelli\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=eb286592-02cc-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Dash\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=0747b5f4-0366-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still want more \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>? Relive it all through our cheeky Season 1 recaps:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/03/05/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues/\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "68220 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=68220",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/03/07/victoria-compare-and-contrast-the-historical-figures-with-the-actors-who-play-them/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 206,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 19
},
"modified": 1512008227,
"excerpt": "How closely do the real-life people resemble their actor counterparts?",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "How closely do the real-life people resemble their actor counterparts?",
"title": "Victoria: Compare and Contrast the Historical Figures with the Actors Who Play Them | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "Victoria: Compare and Contrast the Historical Figures with the Actors Who Play Them",
"datePublished": "2017-03-07T14:34:30-08:00",
"dateModified": "2017-11-29T18:17:07-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-compare-and-contrast-the-historical-figures-with-the-actors-who-play-them",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/68220/victoria-compare-and-contrast-the-historical-figures-with-the-actors-who-play-them",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>The first season of PBS' \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> might be over, but that doesn't mean we can't still obsess over the historical figures who inspired the show. I'm not sure about you, but a huge part of my viewing experience involved pausing every few minutes to dig into historical research on what actually happened and what these people actually looked like. Get a load of the latter with these compare-and-contrast portraits of the real-life people and the actors who play them:\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Queen Victoria\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=8beef1e6-02d0-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Prince Albert\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=52638420-02d3-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Lord Melbourne\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=4464c752-02d9-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Prince Ernst\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=b2c06fb6-02da-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Sir Robert Peel\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=09b572d0-0367-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">The Duchess of Kent\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=dbf2de90-0371-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Sir John Conroy\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=aaab189c-02dc-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Charles Elmé Francatelli\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=eb286592-02cc-11e7-8f66-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center\">Dash\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003c!-- iframe plugin v.4.3 wordpress.org/plugins/iframe/ -->\u003cbr>\n\u003ciframe frameborder=\"0\" class=\"juxtapose\" width=\"100%\" height=\"800\" src=\"https://cdn.knightlab.com/libs/juxtapose/latest/embed/index.html?uid=0747b5f4-0366-11e7-9182-0edaf8f81e27\" scrolling=\"yes\">\u003c/iframe>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Still want more \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>? Relive it all through our cheeky Season 1 recaps:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/03/05/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues/\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/68220/victoria-compare-and-contrast-the-historical-figures-with-the-actors-who-play-them",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_1100",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_68488",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_56546": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_56546",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "56546",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1488765647000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1488765647,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>[contextly_sidebar id=\"l9N3FI3K0vd1X18rdMBt45JcTZRvD0tR\"]Our episode begins with Victoria saying, \"Ugh, I'm so bored of this!\" No, she's not talking about every unnecessary servant storyline this season; she's referencing how lame being pregnant is. All she wants is to dress up as a deity and perilously lean back in a wooden chair at the Grammys. Is that too much to ask?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/beyoncechair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-67835 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/beyoncechair.gif\" alt=\"beyoncechair\" width=\"800\" height=\"445\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently so. Everyone in her circle has agreed that she should just stay home, preferably in bed (essentially a death sentence in the age before Netflix). Meanwhile, Albert is enjoying his uterus-free life, reading joke books and running off to bromance some more with Robert Peel. Victoria is not pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/20424108.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67946\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/20424108.gif\" alt=\"20424108\" width=\"355\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar returns to England from Hanover, his \"German postage stamp\" of a county. He's been wishing and hoping and thinking and praying about the Queen dying in childbirth, and will be damned if he doesn't have a front row seat for that and his subsequent coronation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, the servants are also convinced she's most likely going to die and start talking about looking for new jobs. Geez, everyone needs to:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67693\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax.gif\" alt=\"ramona xanax\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67692\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax-2.gif\" alt=\"ramona xanax 2\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a creepy studio apartment at an undisclosed location, some twerp is plotting an assassination. We know this because he reads his instructions (from Hanover!) aloud. I've never killed a monarch, but I'm pretty sure the first rule in regicide is \u003cem>Don't be a loudmouth about it\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/SAjWtFw.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67912\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/SAjWtFw.gif\" alt=\"SAjWtFw\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Victoria is surrounded by baby gifts. She hates all of them. She's also not too jazzed about breast-feeding -- \"I am not a cow!\" -- and instructs her servants to find her the best boobs in the land.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a separate wing of the palace, Ernst, the Great German Man Whore, returns to break up Victoria's friend's marriage, and also to maintain his brand of spreading around as much syphilis as possible. Victoria's friend resists his advances, until he drops a line about how she deserves a man who notices the way her curls fall on her neck. She promptly changes her tune to \u003cem>A little bit of syphilis never hurt anybody.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/rashida-shrug.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67913\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/rashida-shrug.gif\" alt=\"rashida shrug\" width=\"500\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Governess Dictator opens that day's batch of the Queen's fan mail. For the hundredth week in a row, a stalker named Captain Childers sends a bonkers letter promising to \"free\" the Queen. Governess Dictator decides to continue doing nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the head maid is excited to judge a bunch of village women's breasts: \"I was brought up on a farm. I know how to spot a good milker.\" After an initial Goldilocks struggle -- these are too small, these are too round -- she finds a pair that is just right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the undisclosed location, Twerp Assassin shoots at a scarecrow stand-in for the Queen. That's scary and all, but can we take a moment to appreciate his dress-making abilities? If \u003cem>Project Runway\u003c/em> was around in his day, maybe he wouldn't have to channel all his creative energy into assassinating pregnant women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67914\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-800x467.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-03-04 at 9.46.50 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-800x467.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-160x93.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-768x448.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-1020x596.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-1180x689.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-960x561.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-240x140.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-375x219.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-520x304.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM.png 1608w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/frustrated.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67915\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/frustrated.gif\" alt=\"frustrated\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the palace, Victoria insists on going for a joyride around London. Three feet past the gate, Stalker Captain Childers throws violets at the Queen and yells about how much Albert sucks. He is quickly arrested and Victoria decides that leaving the house is overrated. Liz Lemon, this random little girl, and I agree:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67859\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life.gif\" alt=\"e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life\" width=\"500\" height=\"235\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67860\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d.gif\" alt=\"bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's time for us to pretend to care about what's happening downstairs. Hot Italian Chef has a job offer to set up his own establishment. Having a food truck is cool and all, but isn't cooking for the Queen and every world leader already a pretty good gig?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He doesn't seem to think so. He wants to take the opportunity, but only if Babyface Maid comes with him. This romantic overture is met with a whole lotta meh from her:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/lc-meh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67868\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/lc-meh.gif\" alt=\"lc meh\" width=\"480\" height=\"274\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a short investigation, the authorities decide Captain Childers is not a real threat. Victoria is like,\u003cem> Sweet! Time for another joyride! What could possibly go wrong?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2014/05/you-in-danger-gurl.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-12044\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2014/05/you-in-danger-gurl.gif\" alt=\"you-in-danger-gurl\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, three feet from the gate, Twerp Assassin rushes up and shoots at Victoria, who thinks \u003cem>Damn it! I should have listened to Liz Lemon, that chips-loving little girl, and that guy who writes snarky recaps about my show.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Who Cares? Land, Babyface Maid pays her frenemy a visit to ask for advice. \u003cem>To be or not to be married to a really hot, sweet, and sensitive Italian dude, who will most likely bake treats and bring them to her in bed after sex until she dies of old age\u003c/em>. Hmm, that's a tough one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the fact that Hot Italian Chef saved her and her baby from dying of fever and even found them a new apartment without the help of Craigslist, Random Insufferable Baby Mama Who Really Didn't Need to Be in This Show advises Babyface Maid not to trust him and to break his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Uncle Scar turns up to pretend to care about Victoria's well-being. He brags about the size of the crowds along his commute that showed up to cheer him on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-27656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\" alt=\"sure jan gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He then brings up how Victoria is most likely going to die in childbirth to her face. That's pretty egregious, but what's more barbaric to Victoria is that he gave her teaspoons as a wedding gift. As punishment for this crime against humanity, she abruptly ends their awkward hangout by loudly saying \"GOODBYE!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the authorities reveal that Twerp Assassin apparently didn't shoot real bullets and wrote those Hanover letters to himself. Wow. He really sucks at life. He is to be acquitted for being really bad at assassinating, and also for being criminally insane.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STOP EVERYTHING. DASH IS BACK! BEHOLD HIS ROYAL CUTENESS:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67917\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-800x461.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-03-04 at 9.58.11 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"461\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-800x461.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-160x92.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-768x443.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-1020x588.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-1180x680.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-960x553.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-240x138.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-375x216.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-520x300.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM.png 1626w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I would like this show 900% more if all the characters were played by dogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, heaven is not a place on Earth, so let's return to the humans...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hot Italian Chef finds Babyface Maid to find out if she wants to run away with him and start a cute, cozy life together. It goes down a little something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67919\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0.gif\" alt=\"7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0\" width=\"500\" height=\"213\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67918\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35.gif\" alt=\"003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35\" width=\"500\" height=\"239\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And after he made her all that chocolate and saved her bitter frenemy's life? So wack.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an upstairs bedroom, Ernst shows up in Victoria's married friend's bedroom. Ooo la la! The first thing he says is, \"Thank you for letting me come.\" Interpret that line however you wish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/know.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67927\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/know.gif\" alt=\"know\" width=\"464\" height=\"328\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He follows this up with another line you can read into, if you want: \"Will you do what I ask?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turns out he just wants a lock of her hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ashley-wagner-BS1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67928\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ashley-wagner-BS1.gif\" alt=\"ashley-wagner-BS1\" width=\"302\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Queen's quarters, Victoria has a brief freak-out over Twerp Assassin's acquittal, but quickly gets over it by going on another joyride because YOLO.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid has a change of heart! She runs up to the chef to profess her love! He turns around!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's his replacement. He's gone forever. Goof of the century.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria goes into labor. Old dudes congregate outside her bedroom door, waiting for her to die. Being stubborn, Victoria refuses to bleed out and gives birth to a healthy baby girl instead. Victoria skips the whole \u003cem>Yay! I didn't die!\u003c/em> part and goes straight to worrying about whether Albert is mad at her or not: \"Do you mind that she's a girl? We'll have a boy next time.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67929\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll.gif\" alt=\"Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67934\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/y38Hf.gif\" alt=\"y38Hf\" width=\"340\" height=\"255\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67933\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bqZpW.gif\" alt=\"bqZpW\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/olsen-twin-eye-roll.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67931\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/olsen-twin-eye-roll.gif\" alt=\"olsen twin eye roll\" width=\"480\" height=\"358\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/eye-roll-black-hair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67932\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/eye-roll-black-hair.gif\" alt=\"eye roll black hair\" width=\"500\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And on that frustrating, misogynistic note, the camera pans away from their bed and season one comes to an end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/thats-it.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67935\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/thats-it.gif\" alt=\"thats-it\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/outtahere.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67947\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/outtahere.gif\" alt=\"outtahere\" width=\"500\" height=\"234\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That’s all, folks! It’s been a pleasure watching along with you this season. You can keep up with my other work \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">all over \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">KQED Pop\u003c/a> and on \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cem>The Cooler \u003c/em>podcast\u003c/a>. And if Twitter is your thing, \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">follow me\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "56546 http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=56546",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/03/05/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 1556,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 86
},
"modified": 1551664165,
"excerpt": "An assassin, pre-partum depression, and general boredom all try to kill Victoria.",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "An assassin, pre-partum depression, and general boredom all try to kill Victoria.",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues",
"datePublished": "2017-03-05T18:00:47-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:49:25-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>Our episode begins with Victoria saying, \"Ugh, I'm so bored of this!\" No, she's not talking about every unnecessary servant storyline this season; she's referencing how lame being pregnant is. All she wants is to dress up as a deity and perilously lean back in a wooden chair at the Grammys. Is that too much to ask?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/beyoncechair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-67835 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/beyoncechair.gif\" alt=\"beyoncechair\" width=\"800\" height=\"445\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Apparently so. Everyone in her circle has agreed that she should just stay home, preferably in bed (essentially a death sentence in the age before Netflix). Meanwhile, Albert is enjoying his uterus-free life, reading joke books and running off to bromance some more with Robert Peel. Victoria is not pleased.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/20424108.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67946\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/20424108.gif\" alt=\"20424108\" width=\"355\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar returns to England from Hanover, his \"German postage stamp\" of a county. He's been wishing and hoping and thinking and praying about the Queen dying in childbirth, and will be damned if he doesn't have a front row seat for that and his subsequent coronation.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, the servants are also convinced she's most likely going to die and start talking about looking for new jobs. Geez, everyone needs to:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67693\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax.gif\" alt=\"ramona xanax\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67692\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ramona-xanax-2.gif\" alt=\"ramona xanax 2\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a creepy studio apartment at an undisclosed location, some twerp is plotting an assassination. We know this because he reads his instructions (from Hanover!) aloud. I've never killed a monarch, but I'm pretty sure the first rule in regicide is \u003cem>Don't be a loudmouth about it\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/SAjWtFw.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67912\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/SAjWtFw.gif\" alt=\"SAjWtFw\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Victoria is surrounded by baby gifts. She hates all of them. She's also not too jazzed about breast-feeding -- \"I am not a cow!\" -- and instructs her servants to find her the best boobs in the land.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a separate wing of the palace, Ernst, the Great German Man Whore, returns to break up Victoria's friend's marriage, and also to maintain his brand of spreading around as much syphilis as possible. Victoria's friend resists his advances, until he drops a line about how she deserves a man who notices the way her curls fall on her neck. She promptly changes her tune to \u003cem>A little bit of syphilis never hurt anybody.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/rashida-shrug.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67913\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/rashida-shrug.gif\" alt=\"rashida shrug\" width=\"500\" height=\"233\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Governess Dictator opens that day's batch of the Queen's fan mail. For the hundredth week in a row, a stalker named Captain Childers sends a bonkers letter promising to \"free\" the Queen. Governess Dictator decides to continue doing nothing about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the head maid is excited to judge a bunch of village women's breasts: \"I was brought up on a farm. I know how to spot a good milker.\" After an initial Goldilocks struggle -- these are too small, these are too round -- she finds a pair that is just right.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the undisclosed location, Twerp Assassin shoots at a scarecrow stand-in for the Queen. That's scary and all, but can we take a moment to appreciate his dress-making abilities? If \u003cem>Project Runway\u003c/em> was around in his day, maybe he wouldn't have to channel all his creative energy into assassinating pregnant women.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67914\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-800x467.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-03-04 at 9.46.50 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"467\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-800x467.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-160x93.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-768x448.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-1020x596.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-1180x689.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-960x561.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-240x140.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-375x219.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM-520x304.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.46.50-PM.png 1608w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/frustrated.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67915\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/frustrated.gif\" alt=\"frustrated\" width=\"400\" height=\"224\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the palace, Victoria insists on going for a joyride around London. Three feet past the gate, Stalker Captain Childers throws violets at the Queen and yells about how much Albert sucks. He is quickly arrested and Victoria decides that leaving the house is overrated. Liz Lemon, this random little girl, and I agree:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67859\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life.gif\" alt=\"e5cd736cbee52374907a0b86d5b77c32-you-should-say-yes-to-love-and-life\" width=\"500\" height=\"235\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67860\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d.gif\" alt=\"bab328f8c1d52680ca7c11cef540676d\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's time for us to pretend to care about what's happening downstairs. Hot Italian Chef has a job offer to set up his own establishment. Having a food truck is cool and all, but isn't cooking for the Queen and every world leader already a pretty good gig?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He doesn't seem to think so. He wants to take the opportunity, but only if Babyface Maid comes with him. This romantic overture is met with a whole lotta meh from her:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/lc-meh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67868\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/lc-meh.gif\" alt=\"lc meh\" width=\"480\" height=\"274\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After a short investigation, the authorities decide Captain Childers is not a real threat. Victoria is like,\u003cem> Sweet! Time for another joyride! What could possibly go wrong?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2014/05/you-in-danger-gurl.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-12044\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2014/05/you-in-danger-gurl.gif\" alt=\"you-in-danger-gurl\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sure enough, three feet from the gate, Twerp Assassin rushes up and shoots at Victoria, who thinks \u003cem>Damn it! I should have listened to Liz Lemon, that chips-loving little girl, and that guy who writes snarky recaps about my show.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Who Cares? Land, Babyface Maid pays her frenemy a visit to ask for advice. \u003cem>To be or not to be married to a really hot, sweet, and sensitive Italian dude, who will most likely bake treats and bring them to her in bed after sex until she dies of old age\u003c/em>. Hmm, that's a tough one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite the fact that Hot Italian Chef saved her and her baby from dying of fever and even found them a new apartment without the help of Craigslist, Random Insufferable Baby Mama Who Really Didn't Need to Be in This Show advises Babyface Maid not to trust him and to break his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_ny4jt8z3fz1ql5yr7o1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Uncle Scar turns up to pretend to care about Victoria's well-being. He brags about the size of the crowds along his commute that showed up to cheer him on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-27656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\" alt=\"sure jan gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He then brings up how Victoria is most likely going to die in childbirth to her face. That's pretty egregious, but what's more barbaric to Victoria is that he gave her teaspoons as a wedding gift. As punishment for this crime against humanity, she abruptly ends their awkward hangout by loudly saying \"GOODBYE!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, the authorities reveal that Twerp Assassin apparently didn't shoot real bullets and wrote those Hanover letters to himself. Wow. He really sucks at life. He is to be acquitted for being really bad at assassinating, and also for being criminally insane.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>STOP EVERYTHING. DASH IS BACK! BEHOLD HIS ROYAL CUTENESS:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67917\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-800x461.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-03-04 at 9.58.11 PM\" width=\"800\" height=\"461\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-800x461.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-160x92.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-768x443.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-1020x588.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-1180x680.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-960x553.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-240x138.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-375x216.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM-520x300.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Screen-Shot-2017-03-04-at-9.58.11-PM.png 1626w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I would like this show 900% more if all the characters were played by dogs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, heaven is not a place on Earth, so let's return to the humans...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hot Italian Chef finds Babyface Maid to find out if she wants to run away with him and start a cute, cozy life together. It goes down a little something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67919\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0.gif\" alt=\"7d06ef29-5e32-44c7-85d8-f3cf0ddc66e0\" width=\"500\" height=\"213\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67918\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35.gif\" alt=\"003b501cf1366d7ff3e24be4c06f5f35\" width=\"500\" height=\"239\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And after he made her all that chocolate and saved her bitter frenemy's life? So wack.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an upstairs bedroom, Ernst shows up in Victoria's married friend's bedroom. Ooo la la! The first thing he says is, \"Thank you for letting me come.\" Interpret that line however you wish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/know.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67927\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/know.gif\" alt=\"know\" width=\"464\" height=\"328\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He follows this up with another line you can read into, if you want: \"Will you do what I ask?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20013\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"oprah mmhm gif\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turns out he just wants a lock of her hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ashley-wagner-BS1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67928\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/ashley-wagner-BS1.gif\" alt=\"ashley-wagner-BS1\" width=\"302\" height=\"198\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the Queen's quarters, Victoria has a brief freak-out over Twerp Assassin's acquittal, but quickly gets over it by going on another joyride because YOLO.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid has a change of heart! She runs up to the chef to profess her love! He turns around!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's his replacement. He's gone forever. Goof of the century.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria goes into labor. Old dudes congregate outside her bedroom door, waiting for her to die. Being stubborn, Victoria refuses to bleed out and gives birth to a healthy baby girl instead. Victoria skips the whole \u003cem>Yay! I didn't die!\u003c/em> part and goes straight to worrying about whether Albert is mad at her or not: \"Do you mind that she's a girl? We'll have a boy next time.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67929\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll.gif\" alt=\"Liz-Lemon-Eye-Roll\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67934\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/y38Hf.gif\" alt=\"y38Hf\" width=\"340\" height=\"255\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67933\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/bqZpW.gif\" alt=\"bqZpW\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/olsen-twin-eye-roll.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67931\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/olsen-twin-eye-roll.gif\" alt=\"olsen twin eye roll\" width=\"480\" height=\"358\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/eye-roll-black-hair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-67932\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/eye-roll-black-hair.gif\" alt=\"eye roll black hair\" width=\"500\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And on that frustrating, misogynistic note, the camera pans away from their bed and season one comes to an end.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/thats-it.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67935\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/thats-it.gif\" alt=\"thats-it\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/outtahere.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-67947\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/03/outtahere.gif\" alt=\"outtahere\" width=\"500\" height=\"234\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That’s all, folks! It’s been a pleasure watching along with you this season. You can keep up with my other work \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">all over \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">KQED Pop\u003c/a> and on \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/category/the-cooler/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u003cem>The Cooler \u003c/em>podcast\u003c/a>. And if Twitter is your thing, \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">follow me\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_67936",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_56544": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_56544",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "56544",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1487563651000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1487563651,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>Our episode begins with Victoria and Albert pretending to care about a classical music concert. The Queen seductively rubs her pinky finger against the Prince's pinky finger. This British mating call translates to \u003cem>I can't wait to tongue wrestle you like crazy. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out of nowhere, Victoria pukes a little in her mouth. So much for the effectiveness of those Plan B Jumping Jacks! Victoria runs from the room, screaming \"I am bilious!\" (I'm totally adopting this line as my hangover catchphrase.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the concert room, Sir Robert Peel and his a-hole friends are talking smack about Victoria. One of them says, \"Women are queer cattle\" because general misogyny is always on trend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-12-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65064\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-12-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (12)\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-11-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65065\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-11-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (11)\" width=\"475\" height=\"298\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-10-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65066\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-10-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (10)\" width=\"500\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria is in bed, trying her best not to projectile vomit into Albert's face, à la Regan from \u003cem>The Exorcist\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/PZoI0k.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65090\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/PZoI0k.gif\" alt=\"PZoI0k\" width=\"720\" height=\"405\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But he makes it very hard not to by picking a fight over manufacturing, of all things. Victoria takes the words right out of my mouth: \"You say 'manufacturing' and my soul shrivels with boredom.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Mine does not,\" Albert retorts, before diving into an\u003cem> Ugh, I can't believe you don't love trains!\u003c/em> rant. He decides her having an opinion different from his means she's sick, so he calls for a doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week in servant B-plots no one cares about: Hot Italian Chef and Babyface Maid indulge in a sensual chocolate taste test. The other servants look on with envy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/choco-cake-matilda.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65101\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/choco-cake-matilda.gif\" alt=\"choco-cake-matilda\" width=\"400\" height=\"289\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria shares the least-shocking news of the century: she's pregnant! But she's not exactly jazzed about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg\" alt=\"vic-sad\" width=\"1621\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg 1621w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-800x465.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-768x447.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-1020x593.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-1180x686.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-960x558.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-240x140.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-375x218.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-520x303.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1621px) 100vw, 1621px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria's mom is forcing her to drink brandy mixed with cream. Incest and now fetal alcohol syndrome? Good luck forming all your fingers and toes, little cluster of cells!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alfred swoops in to say he believes this binge-drinking-while-pregnant thing is:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/6361313778349167581006687212_giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/6361313778349167581006687212_giphy.gif\" alt=\"6361313778349167581006687212_giphy\" width=\"480\" height=\"287\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom reassures her that she knows best: \"Listen to me. Your nurse is a virgin. Your husband is a man. Your doctor is a fool.\" I don't agree with her point of view, but the hilarious way she expresses her opinion has me like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/yaar.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65107\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/yaar.gif\" alt=\"yaar\" width=\"298\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before I can get comfortable liking Victoria's mom, she declares that Victoria should give up working from home, and that women should let their husbands do everything, especially the thinking. She obviously did not get the Fifth Harmony memo that women can indeed work from home:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/raw-5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65105\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/raw-5.gif\" alt=\"raw (5)\" width=\"498\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria's reasons for not wanting to be pregnant come to the fore:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Childbirth hurts.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>She just started having fun, sexy times.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\"You are going to look at my body and be revolted!\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This is where I expect Albert to say something blunt and unhelpful. But he surprises with this poetic, panty-dropping line: \"My desire for you will never fail. A love like ours can burn down a city.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/wzYKz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/wzYKz.gif\" alt=\"wzYKz\" width=\"188\" height=\"174\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65110\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\" alt=\"7383897\" width=\"275\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65111\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself.gif\" alt=\"Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself\" width=\"500\" height=\"232\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/20_zpsvhtcoj2w.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/20_zpsvhtcoj2w.gif\" alt=\"20_zpsvhtcoj2w\" width=\"500\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that the Queen is pregnant, a bunch of evil Parliament dudes are drooling over the idea of her dying in childbirth. They force her to pick someone to rule in the event of her death. She picks Albert and they lose their minds. \u003cem>He's German! He's soooo emo! He seems like he has too many teeth in his mouth!\u003c/em> (Okay, those last two complaints are mine, but you get the gist.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert decide to take a road trip up north to convince some rich country bumpkins from the opposition party to chill on the hate and let Albert be Victoria's second-in-command. On the carriage ride, Albert gives a sermon on how cool trains are. This makes Victoria want to puke.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65483\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg\" alt=\"pppuke\" width=\"1614\" height=\"940\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg 1614w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-800x466.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-768x447.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-1020x594.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-1180x687.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-960x559.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-240x140.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-375x218.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-520x303.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1614px) 100vw, 1614px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65481\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg\" alt=\"prepuke\" width=\"1591\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg 1591w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-800x473.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-768x454.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-1020x603.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-1180x698.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-960x568.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-240x142.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-375x222.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-520x308.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1591px) 100vw, 1591px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65482\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg\" alt=\"puke\" width=\"1603\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg 1603w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-160x94.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-800x470.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-768x451.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-1020x599.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-1180x693.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-960x564.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-240x141.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-375x220.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-520x305.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1603px) 100vw, 1603px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few hours later, Victoria and Albert are dining with their hosts, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative Hater, who list the approved activities for the next day: for the men, hunting; for the women, sitting down and being quiet. Albert announces he would rather visit local factories. Mrs. Conservative Hater can't hide her \u003cem>Ewwww, But Poor People Work There\u003c/em> face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65474\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM\" width=\"1508\" height=\"830\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg 1508w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-520x286.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1508px) 100vw, 1508px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert scandalizes his hosts even more by talking about how rad it'll be when trains dismantle class divides by allowing poor people to travel for better wages. Mr. Conservative Hater is like, \u003cem>You're bad at reading rooms, huh? Class division = England's brand. You would know that if you were from here, which you're not because you're a stupid German.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir Robert Peel, the leader of Parliament's conservative wing, feels bad for Albert and offers to show him a train he has on his property. Albert begs Victoria, \u003cem>Mommy, can I go play at Robbie's house, pretty please, I'll never ask for anything again, I promise, pleaaaase, Mom!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Victoria's response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65430\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert goes to bed grumpy and sneaks out before Victoria wakes. He and Robert Peel spend the entire next day cementing their bromance by putting their faces directly into pollution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65475\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM\" width=\"1207\" height=\"669\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg 1207w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-800x443.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-768x426.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1020x565.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1180x654.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-960x532.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-672x372.jpg 672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-240x133.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-375x208.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-520x288.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1207px) 100vw, 1207px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65476\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM\" width=\"1196\" height=\"675\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg 1196w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-800x452.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-768x433.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-1020x576.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-1180x666.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-960x542.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-375x212.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1196px) 100vw, 1196px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All train-blissed out, Albert returns home covered in soot. Victoria is piiiiiiiiiiiissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/9uqqVy5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65431\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/9uqqVy5.gif\" alt=\"9uqqVy5\" width=\"245\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Look at you! You look like a peasant!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"I'm not the one eating beetroot.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"What? What is wrong with beetroot?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"It's peasant food!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/beets-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65432\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/beets-gif.gif\" alt=\"beets-gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria decides to see what all the fuss is about. She sneaks off and hitches a ride on Robert Peel's train. She is instantly obsessed and memorializes her locomotive feelings in a poem:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Get your next of kin, your sister, and your friend\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>Ride on that, choo choo, ride on that, choo choo\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem> Come on, ride the train, hey, ride it, woo woo\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem> Come on, ride the train, it's the Choo Choo train\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>155 years later, the Quad City DJ's set her poetry to music, creating this iconic '90s jam:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-DpRcxK_N8\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Robert Peel tells the conservatives in Parliament that his BFF Albert is not that bad and shall not be denied the position of Regent. Everyone \u003ca href=\"https://media.giphy.com/media/xYLRCmVZNAbCg/giphy.gif\">Kanye-shrugs\u003c/a>. Cool, glad we spent an entire episode on an issue no one actually cared about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back home, Victoria gets back to:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65468\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-26.gif\" alt=\"giphy (26)\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert knows better than to ask to help. But the train ride has transformed Victoria. For the first time, she lets him do more than stamping. Sure, she can slay on her own, but a fun collaboration never hurt anyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/drake-and-riri.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65469\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/drake-and-riri.gif\" alt=\"drake-and-riri\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-27.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65471\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-27.gif\" alt=\"giphy (27)\" width=\"500\" height=\"288\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Victoria's Mom. \u003c/strong>Forcing a pregnant woman to binge drink is bad, but mixing delicious booze with milk is unforgivable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Dash. \u003c/strong>Victoria's pup isn't even in this episode, but I like him more than most of these people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Babyface Maid. \u003c/strong>Despite a life of servitude, she spends all day flirting with a hot Italian and eating chocolate. Get it, girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Beetroot. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>One century's peasant food is another's expensive appetizer sprinkled with feta crumbles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Albert. \u003c/strong>He never struck me as having any game, but then he comes out with that \"A love like ours can burn down a city\" line. Touché!\u003cem> \u003c/em>Gretchen taught him well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "56544 http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=56544",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": true,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 1470,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 89
},
"modified": 1551664300,
"excerpt": "Major questions this week include: Is drinking booze while pregnant a good idea? Are beets peasant food? Are trains cool? ",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Major questions this week include: Is drinking booze while pregnant a good idea? Are beets peasant food? Are trains cool? ",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train",
"datePublished": "2017-02-19T20:07:31-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:51:40-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train",
"status": "publish",
"path": "/pop/56544/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Our episode begins with Victoria and Albert pretending to care about a classical music concert. The Queen seductively rubs her pinky finger against the Prince's pinky finger. This British mating call translates to \u003cem>I can't wait to tongue wrestle you like crazy. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Out of nowhere, Victoria pukes a little in her mouth. So much for the effectiveness of those Plan B Jumping Jacks! Victoria runs from the room, screaming \"I am bilious!\" (I'm totally adopting this line as my hangover catchphrase.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the concert room, Sir Robert Peel and his a-hole friends are talking smack about Victoria. One of them says, \"Women are queer cattle\" because general misogyny is always on trend.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-12-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65064\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-12-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (12)\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-11-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65065\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-11-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (11)\" width=\"475\" height=\"298\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-10-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65066\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-10-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (10)\" width=\"500\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria is in bed, trying her best not to projectile vomit into Albert's face, à la Regan from \u003cem>The Exorcist\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/PZoI0k.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65090\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/PZoI0k.gif\" alt=\"PZoI0k\" width=\"720\" height=\"405\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But he makes it very hard not to by picking a fight over manufacturing, of all things. Victoria takes the words right out of my mouth: \"You say 'manufacturing' and my soul shrivels with boredom.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Mine does not,\" Albert retorts, before diving into an\u003cem> Ugh, I can't believe you don't love trains!\u003c/em> rant. He decides her having an opinion different from his means she's sick, so he calls for a doctor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This week in servant B-plots no one cares about: Hot Italian Chef and Babyface Maid indulge in a sensual chocolate taste test. The other servants look on with envy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/choco-cake-matilda.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65101\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/choco-cake-matilda.gif\" alt=\"choco-cake-matilda\" width=\"400\" height=\"289\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria shares the least-shocking news of the century: she's pregnant! But she's not exactly jazzed about it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg\" alt=\"vic-sad\" width=\"1621\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad.jpg 1621w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-800x465.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-768x447.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-1020x593.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-1180x686.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-960x558.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-240x140.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-375x218.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/vic-sad-520x303.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1621px) 100vw, 1621px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria's mom is forcing her to drink brandy mixed with cream. Incest and now fetal alcohol syndrome? Good luck forming all your fingers and toes, little cluster of cells!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alfred swoops in to say he believes this binge-drinking-while-pregnant thing is:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/6361313778349167581006687212_giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/6361313778349167581006687212_giphy.gif\" alt=\"6361313778349167581006687212_giphy\" width=\"480\" height=\"287\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom reassures her that she knows best: \"Listen to me. Your nurse is a virgin. Your husband is a man. Your doctor is a fool.\" I don't agree with her point of view, but the hilarious way she expresses her opinion has me like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/yaar.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65107\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/yaar.gif\" alt=\"yaar\" width=\"298\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before I can get comfortable liking Victoria's mom, she declares that Victoria should give up working from home, and that women should let their husbands do everything, especially the thinking. She obviously did not get the Fifth Harmony memo that women can indeed work from home:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/raw-5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65105\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/raw-5.gif\" alt=\"raw (5)\" width=\"498\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria's reasons for not wanting to be pregnant come to the fore:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Childbirth hurts.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>She just started having fun, sexy times.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>\"You are going to look at my body and be revolted!\"\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>This is where I expect Albert to say something blunt and unhelpful. But he surprises with this poetic, panty-dropping line: \"My desire for you will never fail. A love like ours can burn down a city.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/wzYKz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/wzYKz.gif\" alt=\"wzYKz\" width=\"188\" height=\"174\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65110\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\" alt=\"7383897\" width=\"275\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65111\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself.gif\" alt=\"Fans-self-gif-glee_fans_self_fansself_fanself\" width=\"500\" height=\"232\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/20_zpsvhtcoj2w.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/20_zpsvhtcoj2w.gif\" alt=\"20_zpsvhtcoj2w\" width=\"500\" height=\"278\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that the Queen is pregnant, a bunch of evil Parliament dudes are drooling over the idea of her dying in childbirth. They force her to pick someone to rule in the event of her death. She picks Albert and they lose their minds. \u003cem>He's German! He's soooo emo! He seems like he has too many teeth in his mouth!\u003c/em> (Okay, those last two complaints are mine, but you get the gist.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert decide to take a road trip up north to convince some rich country bumpkins from the opposition party to chill on the hate and let Albert be Victoria's second-in-command. On the carriage ride, Albert gives a sermon on how cool trains are. This makes Victoria want to puke.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65483\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg\" alt=\"pppuke\" width=\"1614\" height=\"940\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke.jpg 1614w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-160x93.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-800x466.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-768x447.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-1020x594.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-1180x687.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-960x559.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-240x140.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-375x218.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/pppuke-520x303.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1614px) 100vw, 1614px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65481\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg\" alt=\"prepuke\" width=\"1591\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke.jpg 1591w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-800x473.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-768x454.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-1020x603.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-1180x698.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-960x568.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-240x142.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-375x222.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/prepuke-520x308.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1591px) 100vw, 1591px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65482\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg\" alt=\"puke\" width=\"1603\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke.jpg 1603w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-160x94.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-800x470.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-768x451.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-1020x599.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-1180x693.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-960x564.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-240x141.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-375x220.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/puke-520x305.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1603px) 100vw, 1603px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few hours later, Victoria and Albert are dining with their hosts, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative Hater, who list the approved activities for the next day: for the men, hunting; for the women, sitting down and being quiet. Albert announces he would rather visit local factories. Mrs. Conservative Hater can't hide her \u003cem>Ewwww, But Poor People Work There\u003c/em> face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65474\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM\" width=\"1508\" height=\"830\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM.jpg 1508w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-17-at-12.27.00-AM-520x286.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1508px) 100vw, 1508px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Albert scandalizes his hosts even more by talking about how rad it'll be when trains dismantle class divides by allowing poor people to travel for better wages. Mr. Conservative Hater is like, \u003cem>You're bad at reading rooms, huh? Class division = England's brand. You would know that if you were from here, which you're not because you're a stupid German.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir Robert Peel, the leader of Parliament's conservative wing, feels bad for Albert and offers to show him a train he has on his property. Albert begs Victoria, \u003cem>Mommy, can I go play at Robbie's house, pretty please, I'll never ask for anything again, I promise, pleaaaase, Mom!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Victoria's response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65430\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert goes to bed grumpy and sneaks out before Victoria wakes. He and Robert Peel spend the entire next day cementing their bromance by putting their faces directly into pollution.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65475\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM\" width=\"1207\" height=\"669\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM.jpg 1207w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-800x443.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-768x426.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1020x565.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1180x654.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-960x532.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-672x372.jpg 672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-1038x576.jpg 1038w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-240x133.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-375x208.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.47.31-PM-520x288.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1207px) 100vw, 1207px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65476\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg\" alt=\"Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM\" width=\"1196\" height=\"675\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM.jpg 1196w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-800x452.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-768x433.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-1020x576.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-1180x666.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-960x542.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-240x135.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-375x212.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-19-at-1.48.31-PM-520x293.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1196px) 100vw, 1196px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All train-blissed out, Albert returns home covered in soot. Victoria is piiiiiiiiiiiissed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/9uqqVy5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65431\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/9uqqVy5.gif\" alt=\"9uqqVy5\" width=\"245\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Look at you! You look like a peasant!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"I'm not the one eating beetroot.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"What? What is wrong with beetroot?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"It's peasant food!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/beets-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65432\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/beets-gif.gif\" alt=\"beets-gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria decides to see what all the fuss is about. She sneaks off and hitches a ride on Robert Peel's train. She is instantly obsessed and memorializes her locomotive feelings in a poem:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Get your next of kin, your sister, and your friend\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>Ride on that, choo choo, ride on that, choo choo\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem> Come on, ride the train, hey, ride it, woo woo\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem> Come on, ride the train, it's the Choo Choo train\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>155 years later, the Quad City DJ's set her poetry to music, creating this iconic '90s jam:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/B-DpRcxK_N8'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/B-DpRcxK_N8'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>The next day, Robert Peel tells the conservatives in Parliament that his BFF Albert is not that bad and shall not be denied the position of Regent. Everyone \u003ca href=\"https://media.giphy.com/media/xYLRCmVZNAbCg/giphy.gif\">Kanye-shrugs\u003c/a>. Cool, glad we spent an entire episode on an issue no one actually cared about.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back home, Victoria gets back to:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65468\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-26.gif\" alt=\"giphy (26)\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert knows better than to ask to help. But the train ride has transformed Victoria. For the first time, she lets him do more than stamping. Sure, she can slay on her own, but a fun collaboration never hurt anyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/drake-and-riri.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65469\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/drake-and-riri.gif\" alt=\"drake-and-riri\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-27.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-65471\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-27.gif\" alt=\"giphy (27)\" width=\"500\" height=\"288\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Victoria's Mom. \u003c/strong>Forcing a pregnant woman to binge drink is bad, but mixing delicious booze with milk is unforgivable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Dash. \u003c/strong>Victoria's pup isn't even in this episode, but I like him more than most of these people.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Babyface Maid. \u003c/strong>Despite a life of servitude, she spends all day flirting with a hot Italian and eating chocolate. Get it, girl.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Beetroot. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>One century's peasant food is another's expensive appetizer sprinkled with feta crumbles.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Albert. \u003c/strong>He never struck me as having any game, but then he comes out with that \"A love like ours can burn down a city\" line. Touché!\u003cem> \u003c/em>Gretchen taught him well.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/56544/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_65121",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_63683": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_63683",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "63683",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1486950062000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1486950062,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I'll Make Love to You",
"title": "‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I'll Make Love to You",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>Before we get to this week's episode, I need to share a bit of actual history. This is a real letter Victoria wrote to Lord Melbourne about her wedding night:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"It was a gratifying and bewildering experience. I never, never spent such an evening. His excessive love and affection gave me feelings of heavenly love and happiness. He clasped me in his arms and we kissed each other again and again. To lie by his side, and in his arms, and on his dear bosom, and be called by names of tenderness, I have never yet heard used to me before – was bliss beyond belief! We did not sleep much.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Could have saved a lot of space by just writing \"Albert is a great lay.\" Victoria clearly owes Gretchen, the vagina-diagram-drawing prostitute from \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">last week,\u003c/a> an Edible Arrangements fruit bouquet or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we're all on the same historical page, let's get to the episode at hand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find the newlyweds fooling around in bed. Governess Dictator, who somehow missed the birds and the bees memo, is shocked when she walks in on them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64071\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-11 at 2.33.55 PM\" width=\"1672\" height=\"937\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png 1672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-1020x572.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-960x538.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-240x134.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-375x210.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-520x291.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1672px) 100vw, 1672px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64079\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg\" alt=\"bandb\" width=\"1678\" height=\"937\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-800x447.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-768x429.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-1020x570.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-1180x659.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-960x536.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-240x134.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-375x209.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-520x290.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because they're horny 20-year-olds who just found out what their private parts do, Victoria and Albert are turned on by the whole thing and have some more sex in her honor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, all the servants are discussing how much sex the royal couple are having. They all settle on A LOT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lead butler decides to be gross about it: \"The royal stallion needs time to cover his mare.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64080\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar.gif\" alt=\"Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar\" width=\"363\" height=\"269\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No wonder that German maid never read his sexy letters.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the servants receives news of a fever outbreak in some poor neighborhood nearby. In addition to being a terrible erotic fiction writer, Lead Butler is also mad xenophobic: \"I blame the foreigners!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, it's time for Ernst to head back home to Germany, but he decides to stay in England and contract as much syphilis as possible instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64081\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670.gif\" alt=\"a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert make it out of bed, but are still making out in some hallway. Albert kills the mood by alluding to \"when the children come.\" Victoria is like, \u003cem>Ummm, can I live my sex-positive life for one second before you start begging for a male heir to make yourself feel like a real man?\u003c/em> The answer to that question appears to be no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tells Albert to go play, while she handles some government business. He is instantly bored. He tries to play the piano, but it's out of tune! Then, he tries to look at a painting, but it's dusty! Then, he tries to read a book, but that too is dusty! Waaaahhhhh!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64082\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\" alt=\"anotherbabycrying\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria beckons for him right before his brain overheats from all his brattiness. He finds her at her desk and is like, \u003cem>Ooo, you want me to read these Parliament papers and explain them to you?\u003c/em> Victoria is like, \u003cem>Nope. My itty-bitty lady brain works just fine, thanks. I just need you to stamp them.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64084\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5.gif\" alt=\"4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5\" width=\"245\" height=\"189\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, a bunch of fancy people come over for dinner, but they're all losers compared to a jewelry-wearing Dalmatian named Mr. Bumps, who knows how to curtsy and is probably also very good at yoga:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64092\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg\" alt=\"dalmation\" width=\"1598\" height=\"939\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg 1598w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-160x94.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-800x470.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-768x451.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-1020x599.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-1180x693.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-960x564.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-240x141.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-375x220.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-520x306.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1598px) 100vw, 1598px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Albert is a killjoy who hates anything that doesn't immediately benefit him, he announces that he hates Mr. Bumps and thinks the pup's Victoria pendant is tacky. First, he went on record as hating Dash, and now this?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past 17 years, we've been asking ourselves, \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qkuu0Lwb5EM\">Who let the dogs out?\u003c/a>\" I can now provide an answer. It was me. I let the dogs out, so that they could find a time machine, go back to the 19th century, and do this to Albert:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/attack-dog-will-end-your-children.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64093\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/attack-dog-will-end-your-children.gif\" alt=\"attack-dog-will-end-your-children\" width=\"254\" height=\"248\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Bumps and all the loser humans who are lucky to be in his presence are ready to sit down for dinner. But there's a controversy holding things up! It's customary for Victoria to be escorted through the doorway by one of her uncles. But Victoria wants it to be Albert (because she knows if it isn't, he will throw another tantrum). Victoria's uncle shuts that idea down real quick, leading to more of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64082\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\" alt=\"anotherbabycrying\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom comforts Albert by saying, \u003cem>Don't worry; they'll respect you once you prove that your testicles work by producing a male heir (girl heirs need not apply).\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria asks Governess Dictator for birth control tips. Remember: This is the same woman who didn't know people had sex on their wedding night. Her advice: after the deed is done, jump up and down a bunch of times. (Don't try this at home, folks. Victoria had 9 kids.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, in poor people news, Babyface Maid tries to reach her frenemy and her baby, but their neighborhood is closed off due to the fever outbreak. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, some dudes ask Victoria if she'll speak at a Slavery Is Bad conference. She's like, \u003cem>I support your cause, but won't say so publicly because I need to protect my brand, like Taylor Swift will do during a pivotal election cycle over a century from now. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alfred decides that he will take time away from his busy schedule of crying over dusty objects and making voodoo dolls of cute dogs to speak at this conference. He wants to earn something of his own, even if that something is just a lanyard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the hot Italian chef offers to help Babyface Maid get to her friend... but he's going to need something from her in return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/liz-lemon-oh-brother.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64096\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/liz-lemon-oh-brother.gif\" alt=\"liz-lemon-oh-brother\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert notices that Ernst is about to give syphilis to Victoria's married friend, so he asks his brother to be a whore somewhere else, preferably Germany. Ernst almost cries, either because he actually cares about a woman for once, or is just experiencing a leaky side-effect from one of his STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's time for another dinner, which means another episode of \u003cem>Who Wants to Be A Millionaire (Doorway Escort)\u003c/em>! Albert is down in the dumps, per usual, because he knows it won't be him. But Victoria has a trick up her sleeve! She managed to convince her Uncle to shut up about the escort custom by granting his non-royal wife a title. Bribery: works every time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert get to walk into the dining room together! Huzzah! Victoria is over the moon!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert is not. (Are you surprised?) He wants a victory of his own, you see. Wah wah wah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"262\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid thanks Hot Italian Chef for, not only passing along some money to her frenemy, but also relocating her and her baby to a suburb that isn't ridden with disease.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Babyface:\u003c/strong> \"I suppose you want something in return.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hot Italian Chef:\u003c/strong> \"Yes, I do...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cringe-gif-555.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64105\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cringe-gif-555.gif\" alt=\"cringe-gif-555\" width=\"500\" height=\"319\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hot Italian Chef:\u003c/strong> \"...I find myself thinking about you sometimes when I'm at my sugar work, and I find it hard to concentrate because I don't know your name. Your real name, that is. The name you were born with. So, um, that is what I would like.\"\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/holding-back-teas.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"giphy (2)\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-3.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64108\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4.gif\" alt=\"anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She tells him her name is Nancy. That night, Hot Italian Chef creates a letter N out of sugar and leaves it on her pillow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64107\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/holding-back-teas.gif\" alt=\"holding-back-teas\" width=\"500\" height=\"228\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"Crying-Mariah-Carey\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, it's time for the Slavery Is Bad conference. Albert tries to make small talk with Jonas, an escaped slave from America, by asking if escaping was hard. Jonas is like, \u003cem>Ummm, yeah, but not as much after I outran the bloodhounds and all the white people who wanted to murder me. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside the hall, Victoria rides up and announces, \"I have come incognito!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64061\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-11 at 4.20.19 PM\" width=\"1294\" height=\"933\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM.png 1294w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-160x115.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-800x577.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-768x554.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-1020x735.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-1180x851.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-960x692.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-240x173.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-375x270.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-520x375.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1294px) 100vw, 1294px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone breaks it to her: \u003cem>Girl, we can still see you.\u003c/em> So she goes back home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, Albert is having a major anxiety attack 'cause he can't remember how to properly pronounce \"barbarous.\" He walks up to the podium and, instead of opening his mouth to deliver a bunch of stress vomit, he manages to deliver a long, beautiful speech that boils down to: \"Hey, guys! Slavery is really f-ed up and America sucks for loving it so much. Can I get an Amen up in here?\" The congregation says, Amen! and compliments him for not sounding overly German. Yipee!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert rushes home to have celebratory sex with Victoria. Afterwards, Victoria waits for him to pass out so she can do her Plan B Jumping Jacks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64121\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg\" alt=\"jump\" width=\"1576\" height=\"939\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg 1576w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-800x477.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-768x458.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-1020x608.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-1180x703.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-960x572.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-240x143.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-375x223.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-520x310.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1576px) 100vw, 1576px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64113\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg\" alt=\"so-dumb\" width=\"1485\" height=\"919\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg 1485w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-160x99.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-800x495.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-768x475.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-1020x631.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-1180x730.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-960x594.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-240x149.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-375x232.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-520x322.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1485px) 100vw, 1485px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All the jumping wakes up Albert, who demands to know what Victoria is doing. She tells him she's trying to sabotage his sperm. He breaks it to her that the only way to effectively do that is to not have sex at all. They look into each other's eyes and consider abstinence for a beat, before saying \u003cem>Naaaahhhh\u003c/em> in unison and engaging in unprotected sex for the zillionth time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>I hope that piano never gets tuned and nothing ever gets dusted. That's what you get for hating dogs who have done nothing to you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Whoever Convinced Victoria Her \"Disguise\" Made Her Invisible. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>So shady. So funny.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Mr. Bumps and Dash. \u003c/strong>Spinoff please!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: Gretchen. \u003c/strong>She's not technically in this episode, but her sex teachings are. Respect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Hot Italian Chef.\u003c/strong> It's really awesome when people turn out not to be sexual predators. *throws underwear at him for being a decent human being*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "63683 https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=63683",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": false,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 1877,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 91
},
"modified": 1551664199,
"excerpt": "This episode is 90% newlywed sex, 10% cute dogs.",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "This episode is 90% newlywed sex, 10% cute dogs.",
"title": "‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I'll Make Love to You | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I'll Make Love to You",
"datePublished": "2017-02-12T17:41:02-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:49:59-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you",
"status": "publish",
"customPermalink": "2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/",
"path": "/pop/63683/victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Before we get to this week's episode, I need to share a bit of actual history. This is a real letter Victoria wrote to Lord Melbourne about her wedding night:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>\"It was a gratifying and bewildering experience. I never, never spent such an evening. His excessive love and affection gave me feelings of heavenly love and happiness. He clasped me in his arms and we kissed each other again and again. To lie by his side, and in his arms, and on his dear bosom, and be called by names of tenderness, I have never yet heard used to me before – was bliss beyond belief! We did not sleep much.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Could have saved a lot of space by just writing \"Albert is a great lay.\" Victoria clearly owes Gretchen, the vagina-diagram-drawing prostitute from \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">last week,\u003c/a> an Edible Arrangements fruit bouquet or something.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we're all on the same historical page, let's get to the episode at hand.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find the newlyweds fooling around in bed. Governess Dictator, who somehow missed the birds and the bees memo, is shocked when she walks in on them.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64071\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-11 at 2.33.55 PM\" width=\"1672\" height=\"937\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM.png 1672w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-160x90.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-800x448.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-768x430.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-1020x572.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-1180x661.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-960x538.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-240x134.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-375x210.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-2.33.55-PM-520x291.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1672px) 100vw, 1672px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64079\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg\" alt=\"bandb\" width=\"1678\" height=\"937\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb.jpg 1678w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-160x89.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-800x447.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-768x429.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-1020x570.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-1180x659.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-960x536.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-240x134.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-375x209.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/bandb-520x290.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1678px) 100vw, 1678px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because they're horny 20-year-olds who just found out what their private parts do, Victoria and Albert are turned on by the whole thing and have some more sex in her honor.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, all the servants are discussing how much sex the royal couple are having. They all settle on A LOT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The lead butler decides to be gross about it: \"The royal stallion needs time to cover his mare.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64080\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar.gif\" alt=\"Jim-Carrey-Bruised-and-Grossed-Out-On-Liar-Liar\" width=\"363\" height=\"269\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No wonder that German maid never read his sexy letters.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the servants receives news of a fever outbreak in some poor neighborhood nearby. In addition to being a terrible erotic fiction writer, Lead Butler is also mad xenophobic: \"I blame the foreigners!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, it's time for Ernst to head back home to Germany, but he decides to stay in England and contract as much syphilis as possible instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64081\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670.gif\" alt=\"a7a4f7f3984d73dc7a604d0e2670\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert make it out of bed, but are still making out in some hallway. Albert kills the mood by alluding to \"when the children come.\" Victoria is like, \u003cem>Ummm, can I live my sex-positive life for one second before you start begging for a male heir to make yourself feel like a real man?\u003c/em> The answer to that question appears to be no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tells Albert to go play, while she handles some government business. He is instantly bored. He tries to play the piano, but it's out of tune! Then, he tries to look at a painting, but it's dusty! Then, he tries to read a book, but that too is dusty! Waaaahhhhh!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64082\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\" alt=\"anotherbabycrying\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria beckons for him right before his brain overheats from all his brattiness. He finds her at her desk and is like, \u003cem>Ooo, you want me to read these Parliament papers and explain them to you?\u003c/em> Victoria is like, \u003cem>Nope. My itty-bitty lady brain works just fine, thanks. I just need you to stamp them.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64084\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5.gif\" alt=\"4bdecd1ad8404a72ae6871ef0ed703b5\" width=\"245\" height=\"189\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, a bunch of fancy people come over for dinner, but they're all losers compared to a jewelry-wearing Dalmatian named Mr. Bumps, who knows how to curtsy and is probably also very good at yoga:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64092\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg\" alt=\"dalmation\" width=\"1598\" height=\"939\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation.jpg 1598w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-160x94.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-800x470.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-768x451.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-1020x599.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-1180x693.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-960x564.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-240x141.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-375x220.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dalmation-520x306.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1598px) 100vw, 1598px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Albert is a killjoy who hates anything that doesn't immediately benefit him, he announces that he hates Mr. Bumps and thinks the pup's Victoria pendant is tacky. First, he went on record as hating Dash, and now this?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For the past 17 years, we've been asking ourselves, \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qkuu0Lwb5EM\">Who let the dogs out?\u003c/a>\" I can now provide an answer. It was me. I let the dogs out, so that they could find a time machine, go back to the 19th century, and do this to Albert:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/attack-dog-will-end-your-children.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64093\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/attack-dog-will-end-your-children.gif\" alt=\"attack-dog-will-end-your-children\" width=\"254\" height=\"248\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mr. Bumps and all the loser humans who are lucky to be in his presence are ready to sit down for dinner. But there's a controversy holding things up! It's customary for Victoria to be escorted through the doorway by one of her uncles. But Victoria wants it to be Albert (because she knows if it isn't, he will throw another tantrum). Victoria's uncle shuts that idea down real quick, leading to more of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64082\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anotherbabycrying.gif\" alt=\"anotherbabycrying\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom comforts Albert by saying, \u003cem>Don't worry; they'll respect you once you prove that your testicles work by producing a male heir (girl heirs need not apply).\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria asks Governess Dictator for birth control tips. Remember: This is the same woman who didn't know people had sex on their wedding night. Her advice: after the deed is done, jump up and down a bunch of times. (Don't try this at home, folks. Victoria had 9 kids.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, in poor people news, Babyface Maid tries to reach her frenemy and her baby, but their neighborhood is closed off due to the fever outbreak. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, some dudes ask Victoria if she'll speak at a Slavery Is Bad conference. She's like, \u003cem>I support your cause, but won't say so publicly because I need to protect my brand, like Taylor Swift will do during a pivotal election cycle over a century from now. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alfred decides that he will take time away from his busy schedule of crying over dusty objects and making voodoo dolls of cute dogs to speak at this conference. He wants to earn something of his own, even if that something is just a lanyard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the hot Italian chef offers to help Babyface Maid get to her friend... but he's going to need something from her in return.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/liz-lemon-oh-brother.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64096\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/liz-lemon-oh-brother.gif\" alt=\"liz-lemon-oh-brother\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert notices that Ernst is about to give syphilis to Victoria's married friend, so he asks his brother to be a whore somewhere else, preferably Germany. Ernst almost cries, either because he actually cares about a woman for once, or is just experiencing a leaky side-effect from one of his STDs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's time for another dinner, which means another episode of \u003cem>Who Wants to Be A Millionaire (Doorway Escort)\u003c/em>! Albert is down in the dumps, per usual, because he knows it won't be him. But Victoria has a trick up her sleeve! She managed to convince her Uncle to shut up about the escort custom by granting his non-royal wife a title. Bribery: works every time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria and Albert get to walk into the dining room together! Huzzah! Victoria is over the moon!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert is not. (Are you surprised?) He wants a victory of his own, you see. Wah wah wah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64104\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n2rj7qvt2K1qf9mevo1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"262\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid thanks Hot Italian Chef for, not only passing along some money to her frenemy, but also relocating her and her baby to a suburb that isn't ridden with disease.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Babyface:\u003c/strong> \"I suppose you want something in return.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hot Italian Chef:\u003c/strong> \"Yes, I do...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cringe-gif-555.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64105\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cringe-gif-555.gif\" alt=\"cringe-gif-555\" width=\"500\" height=\"319\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hot Italian Chef:\u003c/strong> \"...I find myself thinking about you sometimes when I'm at my sugar work, and I find it hard to concentrate because I don't know your name. Your real name, that is. The name you were born with. So, um, that is what I would like.\"\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/holding-back-teas.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64109\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-2.gif\" alt=\"giphy (2)\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-3.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64112\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64108\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4.gif\" alt=\"anigif_original-grid-image-11920-1428005945-4\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She tells him her name is Nancy. That night, Hot Italian Chef creates a letter N out of sugar and leaves it on her pillow.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64107\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/holding-back-teas.gif\" alt=\"holding-back-teas\" width=\"500\" height=\"228\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64106\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"Crying-Mariah-Carey\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, it's time for the Slavery Is Bad conference. Albert tries to make small talk with Jonas, an escaped slave from America, by asking if escaping was hard. Jonas is like, \u003cem>Ummm, yeah, but not as much after I outran the bloodhounds and all the white people who wanted to murder me. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside the hall, Victoria rides up and announces, \"I have come incognito!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64061\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-11 at 4.20.19 PM\" width=\"1294\" height=\"933\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM.png 1294w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-160x115.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-800x577.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-768x554.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-1020x735.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-1180x851.png 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-960x692.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-240x173.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-375x270.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-11-at-4.20.19-PM-520x375.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1294px) 100vw, 1294px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone breaks it to her: \u003cem>Girl, we can still see you.\u003c/em> So she goes back home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside, Albert is having a major anxiety attack 'cause he can't remember how to properly pronounce \"barbarous.\" He walks up to the podium and, instead of opening his mouth to deliver a bunch of stress vomit, he manages to deliver a long, beautiful speech that boils down to: \"Hey, guys! Slavery is really f-ed up and America sucks for loving it so much. Can I get an Amen up in here?\" The congregation says, Amen! and compliments him for not sounding overly German. Yipee!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert rushes home to have celebratory sex with Victoria. Afterwards, Victoria waits for him to pass out so she can do her Plan B Jumping Jacks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64121\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg\" alt=\"jump\" width=\"1576\" height=\"939\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump.jpg 1576w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-160x95.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-800x477.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-768x458.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-1020x608.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-1180x703.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-960x572.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-240x143.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-375x223.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/jump-520x310.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1576px) 100vw, 1576px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-64113\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg\" alt=\"so-dumb\" width=\"1485\" height=\"919\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb.jpg 1485w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-160x99.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-800x495.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-768x475.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-1020x631.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-1180x730.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-960x594.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-240x149.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-375x232.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/so-dumb-520x322.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1485px) 100vw, 1485px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All the jumping wakes up Albert, who demands to know what Victoria is doing. She tells him she's trying to sabotage his sperm. He breaks it to her that the only way to effectively do that is to not have sex at all. They look into each other's eyes and consider abstinence for a beat, before saying \u003cem>Naaaahhhh\u003c/em> in unison and engaging in unprotected sex for the zillionth time.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>I hope that piano never gets tuned and nothing ever gets dusted. That's what you get for hating dogs who have done nothing to you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>Whoever Convinced Victoria Her \"Disguise\" Made Her Invisible. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>So shady. So funny.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Mr. Bumps and Dash. \u003c/strong>Spinoff please!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: Gretchen. \u003c/strong>She's not technically in this episode, but her sex teachings are. Respect.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Hot Italian Chef.\u003c/strong> It's really awesome when people turn out not to be sexual predators. *throws underwear at him for being a decent human being*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/63683/victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_64133",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_56540": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_56540",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "56540",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1486349762000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1486349762,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>Our episode begins with Victoria and Albert being awkward virgins. Albert's brother, Ernst, who's had sex approximately one billion times with prostitutes all across Europe, can't stand to watch. There's no elegant way to tell two people that they're being excruciating, so Ernst settles on: \u003cem>Oh, look, some shrubs!\u003c/em> and walks off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Left to their own devices, Albert and Victoria decide to go make out behind a random dirty sheet. Three milliseconds into their tongue-wrestling match, Victoria is overcome with tingly feelings\u003ci>.\u003c/i> \"Albert, we must get married as soon as possible!\" Translation:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vldh7oQD-a4\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert also wants her sex, but must go back home to Germany to pack all his mustache scissors first. He tells her he's bummed that he's the one who has to leave his home country (usually it's the woman). \u003cem>You're a girl! Why can't you be the inconvenienced one??\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of blasting a riot grrl anthem in his face, Victoria responds with a \u003cem>I wish I could be an ordinary subjugated wife for you, but, ugh, I have to be one of the only women alive who have it pretty good in this era. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/unfair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62674\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/unfair.gif\" alt=\"unfair\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before he jets, Albert is like, \u003cem>Oh, yeah, one more thing, I want a weekly allowance. \u003c/em>Victoria is like, \u003cem>What's money? Also, \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhfpBW-nUWk\">what is a weekend?\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Albert sits through a seminar by his Uncle Leopold, titled \u003cem>How to Remind Your New Wife That Her Brain Is Smaller Than Yours and That You Will Do All The Thinking For Her Henceforth. \u003c/em>The syllabus is basically this:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Boys rule.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Girls drool.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Having mistresses is cool.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, it's time for the \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers to force recycled \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> servant storylines down our throats. This time, there's a candle-selling crime ring for us not to care about. Also, a young male ingenue announces he wants to study and better himself, just like \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>’s Daisy. Again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61185\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\" alt=\"nene been there done that\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds Lord M so he can explain what money is. He clues her in, and also spills that her Uncle Leopold still regularly receives £50,000 from his super-dead wife, all of which he uses to house his actress mistress. The ever-naive Victoria is like, \u003cem>Having sex with people you aren't married to?! That's a thing?! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>List of Things Victoria Just Found Out About:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Infidelity\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Stamps\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Poor People\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Money\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Leonardo da Vinci\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Coming soon:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>What Penises Look Like\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>What Penises Do\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Where Babies Come From\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>On the front steps of Buckingham Palace, Victoria and Albert say goodbye. It goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Oh, my beloved! How will I live a single minute without you getting mad at me for something really small and dumb? You complete me. And yeah, I'm the first one to ever say that because \u003c/em>Jerry McGuire\u003cem> won't be released for another 156 years.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>You have six weeks to get me my money. Oh, and I want a fancy title too. Later!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right before he walks off, he puts his mouth really close to her neck and whispers the following like he's starring in a G-rated, 19th century version of \u003cem>Fifty Shades of Grey:\u003c/em> \"Imagine I'm kissing you here on your neck, and how often I want to kiss you when I return.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62820\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\" alt=\"7383897\" width=\"275\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria meets with the Privy Council to announce her intention to marry Albert. It's a chance for a bunch of old white dudes to decide whether they're cool with her right to choose what she does with her life and body. They are nowhere near cool with it. Is this 1840 England or 2017 America? Who can tell?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Members of the Privy Council start a rumor that Albert isn't even Protestant! And thus, the birther movement of the Victorian era is born.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria storms out and demands that Lord M convince Parliament to just make Albert King Consort. Lord M warns that, if people get in the habit of making kings willy-nilly, they might realize that monarchy is a joke and that the billions in taxpayers' money spent on once-used gloves could go to something else. Victoria quickly responds: \u003cem>No title for Albert then. Anyway!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Albert's dad is very jazzed about all the money this marriage is sure to send his way. He's going to fix the leaky roof! He's going to buy his mistress the latest Victoria's Secret fashions! Schnitzel and bratwurst for all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Parliament is like, \u003cem>Not so fast!\u003c/em> They decide Albert will get half of what Uncle Leopold got. And definitely no title.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Victoria is still processing the news of Uncle Leopold's actress mistress. The way \"actress\" is said makes the word seem like a stand-in for \"ginormous whore.\" But Victoria is relieved that her uncle is the only man who would ever be so depraved as to have a mistress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"At least I know Albert doesn't have any secrets.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong> \"Well, that usually comes later, ma'am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62775\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500\" width=\"400\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria insists that Albert is not that kind of guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M lets her keep thinking that:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-27656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\" alt=\"sure jan gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Germany, Albert whines in a sauna about pretty much everything. For you \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> fans out there, who might be missing Masterpiece-approved manly chests, here's an underwhelming treat to tide you over until \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/09/21/poldark-season-1-episode-3-recap-oops-there-goes-my-shirt/\">Ross gets back to scything\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62776\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 2.08.22 PM\" width=\"1055\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png 1055w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-160x79.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-800x397.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-768x381.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-1020x506.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-960x476.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-240x119.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-375x186.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-520x258.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1055px) 100vw, 1055px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert eventually puts his clothes back on and pens a letter to Victoria, which consists of the lyrics from Rihanna's \"Bitch Better Have My Money.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Victoria freaks out every time someone brings up the fact that she's totally going to get cheated on. She distracts herself with wedding planning. She decides her dress will be white, instead of the customary gold brocade. All her friends give each other stank \u003cem>Ewww, she's so tacky!\u003c/em> looks behind her back, especially this friend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62784\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 2.26.31 PM\" width=\"1000\" height=\"535\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-160x86.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-800x428.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-768x411.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-960x514.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-240x128.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-375x201.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-520x278.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Germany, Ernst surprises Albert by taking him to a brothel. Albert is not in the mood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62785\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst explains,\u003cem> Dude, I just want you to be good at sex!\u003c/em> \"Our dear little cousin will thank you for it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/awww.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62786\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/awww.gif\" alt=\"awww\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While Ernst is off engaging in a casual orgy, Albert nervously makes out with a woman named Gretchen. She tries to get to second base and Albert interrupts: \u003cem>Um, instead of grabbing Lil Al, can you grab a notepad and a pen instead? I want you to draw a diagram of a vagina and write down what I'm supposed to do to it. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gretchen, being the humanitarian that she is, recites Monica's \"Seven Erogenous Zones\" monologue from\u003cem> Friends:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdK6LVDI3kg\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, having just found out that her dad was a cheating bastard like every other man she's ever met, Victoria tries to get her mother to reassure her that Albert isn't already messing around with the Gretchens of the world. Victoria's mom cannot tell a lie:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Albert? No. Not yet anyway...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/CherylLaugh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62795\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/CherylLaugh.gif\" alt=\"CherylLaugh\" width=\"294\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few days later, Albert returns to town. Victoria immediately holds a title ceremony to avoid any more of his emo whining. He shall be a Knight of the Garter. Sounds cool! But not cool enough for Albert, King of the Mopey Mopers. He wants a seat in the House of Lords, like Lord M! And more money! And... waaaaahhhhh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A live feed of Albert:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cry-baby.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62796\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cry-baby.gif\" alt=\"cry baby\" width=\"200\" height=\"150\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also this:\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62797\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\" alt=\"veruca-salt\" width=\"500\" height=\"272\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tries to calmly tell Albert he needs a nice, long nap:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59NWIOvPqZE\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But he keeps on Veruca Salt-ing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62798\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca.gif\" alt=\"veruca\" width=\"480\" height=\"343\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria pulls a true boss move and announces to the entire room that Albert is tired and will be taking a nap now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dunst-bye.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62806\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dunst-bye.gif\" alt=\"dunst bye\" width=\"500\" height=\"274\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria finds comfort in spooning Dash. She should've listened to him, when he was barking up warnings during \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">the last episode\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62807\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg\" alt=\"dash\" width=\"1014\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-160x83.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-800x413.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-768x396.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-960x495.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-240x124.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-375x193.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-520x268.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1014px) 100vw, 1014px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria has had enough. She runs all around the property to find Albert and have it out. When she finds him, he POINTS A SABER AT HER THROAT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62808\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 4.44.38 PM\" width=\"892\" height=\"543\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png 892w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-800x487.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-768x468.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-240x146.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-375x228.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-520x317.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 892px) 100vw, 892px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62809\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 4.42.00 PM\" width=\"1060\" height=\"526\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png 1060w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-160x79.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-800x397.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-768x381.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-1020x506.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-960x476.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-240x119.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-375x186.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-520x258.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1060px) 100vw, 1060px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62810\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unfortunately, she doesn't slap the crap out of him. Instead, she promises that, even though she's a Queen, she'll make sure to always obey him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/xk.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62811\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/xk.gif\" alt=\"xk\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, back at home, the lead butler is in love with a visiting German maid. He sent her all kinds of sexy emails over the past year, but she never got any of them! Spam folders: ruining lives since 1840.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time passes. It's time for Victoria's wedding! She decides that she wants a \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normcore\">normcore\u003c/a> ceremony (no diamonds, only boob flowers).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>Albert's vows:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"With this ring, I thee wed...\" (Sounds very familiar. He totally copied Michelle Obama's wedding vows!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"With my body, I thee worship...\" (Thanks to Gretchen's diagram, I bet he will!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"And with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.\" (LOL, he doesn't have any -- he's not even a Lord -- but that's a nice thought.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert then says \"Amen,\" as if he's saying \"I'mma put a baby in you sometime within the next 15 minutes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ceremony, Victoria finds Lord M to essentially serenade him with a farewell rendition of \"I Will Always Love You.\" They briefly kiss on the cheek, and Lord M watches Victoria skip on her way to lose her virginity. Lord M goes home to binge-read some trashy novels and then die of old age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is undressed and ready for action. Albert comes into the bedroom, Gretchen's vagina diagram seared into his brain. They lock eyes and think, \u003cem>Let's do this.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>The embodiment of First World Problems.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Uncle Leopold's Actress Mistress. \u003c/strong>All publicity is good publicity, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Dash. \u003c/strong>He's a loyal spooner, always right, and super duper cute. Bless him and his little broken paw.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Incest.\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong> Inter-family relations continue dominating royal family trees. You get a club foot! And you get a club foot!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Gretchen. \u003c/strong>So wise. So charitable. Canonize her already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "56540 http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=56540",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": true,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 1978,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 101
},
"modified": 1551664219,
"excerpt": "Victoria and Albert prep for marriage by constantly fighting over money and mistresses, as married folk do.",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "Victoria and Albert prep for marriage by constantly fighting over money and mistresses, as married folk do.",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues",
"datePublished": "2017-02-05T18:56:02-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:50:19-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues",
"status": "publish",
"customPermalink": "2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/",
"path": "/pop/56540/victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Our episode begins with Victoria and Albert being awkward virgins. Albert's brother, Ernst, who's had sex approximately one billion times with prostitutes all across Europe, can't stand to watch. There's no elegant way to tell two people that they're being excruciating, so Ernst settles on: \u003cem>Oh, look, some shrubs!\u003c/em> and walks off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Left to their own devices, Albert and Victoria decide to go make out behind a random dirty sheet. Three milliseconds into their tongue-wrestling match, Victoria is overcome with tingly feelings\u003ci>.\u003c/i> \"Albert, we must get married as soon as possible!\" Translation:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/vldh7oQD-a4'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/vldh7oQD-a4'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Albert also wants her sex, but must go back home to Germany to pack all his mustache scissors first. He tells her he's bummed that he's the one who has to leave his home country (usually it's the woman). \u003cem>You're a girl! Why can't you be the inconvenienced one??\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead of blasting a riot grrl anthem in his face, Victoria responds with a \u003cem>I wish I could be an ordinary subjugated wife for you, but, ugh, I have to be one of the only women alive who have it pretty good in this era. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/unfair.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62674\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/unfair.gif\" alt=\"unfair\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before he jets, Albert is like, \u003cem>Oh, yeah, one more thing, I want a weekly allowance. \u003c/em>Victoria is like, \u003cem>What's money? Also, \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhfpBW-nUWk\">what is a weekend?\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later, Albert sits through a seminar by his Uncle Leopold, titled \u003cem>How to Remind Your New Wife That Her Brain Is Smaller Than Yours and That You Will Do All The Thinking For Her Henceforth. \u003c/em>The syllabus is basically this:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Boys rule.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Girls drool.\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Having mistresses is cool.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, it's time for the \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers to force recycled \u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em> servant storylines down our throats. This time, there's a candle-selling crime ring for us not to care about. Also, a young male ingenue announces he wants to study and better himself, just like \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>’s Daisy. Again:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61185\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\" alt=\"nene been there done that\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds Lord M so he can explain what money is. He clues her in, and also spills that her Uncle Leopold still regularly receives £50,000 from his super-dead wife, all of which he uses to house his actress mistress. The ever-naive Victoria is like, \u003cem>Having sex with people you aren't married to?! That's a thing?! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>List of Things Victoria Just Found Out About:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Infidelity\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Stamps\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Poor People\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Money\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Leonardo da Vinci\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Coming soon:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>What Penises Look Like\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>What Penises Do\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Where Babies Come From\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>On the front steps of Buckingham Palace, Victoria and Albert say goodbye. It goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Oh, my beloved! How will I live a single minute without you getting mad at me for something really small and dumb? You complete me. And yeah, I'm the first one to ever say that because \u003c/em>Jerry McGuire\u003cem> won't be released for another 156 years.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>You have six weeks to get me my money. Oh, and I want a fancy title too. Later!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right before he walks off, he puts his mouth really close to her neck and whispers the following like he's starring in a G-rated, 19th century version of \u003cem>Fifty Shades of Grey:\u003c/em> \"Imagine I'm kissing you here on your neck, and how often I want to kiss you when I return.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62820\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/7383897.gif\" alt=\"7383897\" width=\"275\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria meets with the Privy Council to announce her intention to marry Albert. It's a chance for a bunch of old white dudes to decide whether they're cool with her right to choose what she does with her life and body. They are nowhere near cool with it. Is this 1840 England or 2017 America? Who can tell?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Members of the Privy Council start a rumor that Albert isn't even Protestant! And thus, the birther movement of the Victorian era is born.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria storms out and demands that Lord M convince Parliament to just make Albert King Consort. Lord M warns that, if people get in the habit of making kings willy-nilly, they might realize that monarchy is a joke and that the billions in taxpayers' money spent on once-used gloves could go to something else. Victoria quickly responds: \u003cem>No title for Albert then. Anyway!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in Germany, Albert's dad is very jazzed about all the money this marriage is sure to send his way. He's going to fix the leaky roof! He's going to buy his mistress the latest Victoria's Secret fashions! Schnitzel and bratwurst for all!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in England, Parliament is like, \u003cem>Not so fast!\u003c/em> They decide Albert will get half of what Uncle Leopold got. And definitely no title.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Victoria is still processing the news of Uncle Leopold's actress mistress. The way \"actress\" is said makes the word seem like a stand-in for \"ginormous whore.\" But Victoria is relieved that her uncle is the only man who would ever be so depraved as to have a mistress.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"At least I know Albert doesn't have any secrets.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong> \"Well, that usually comes later, ma'am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62775\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_ohrigxXipG1us875a_500\" width=\"400\" height=\"293\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria insists that Albert is not that kind of guy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M lets her keep thinking that:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-27656\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/giphy.gif\" alt=\"sure jan gif\" width=\"450\" height=\"254\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Germany, Albert whines in a sauna about pretty much everything. For you \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a> fans out there, who might be missing Masterpiece-approved manly chests, here's an underwhelming treat to tide you over until \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2016/09/21/poldark-season-1-episode-3-recap-oops-there-goes-my-shirt/\">Ross gets back to scything\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62776\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 2.08.22 PM\" width=\"1055\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM.png 1055w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-160x79.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-800x397.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-768x381.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-1020x506.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-960x476.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-240x119.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-375x186.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.08.22-PM-520x258.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1055px) 100vw, 1055px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert eventually puts his clothes back on and pens a letter to Victoria, which consists of the lyrics from Rihanna's \"Bitch Better Have My Money.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Victoria freaks out every time someone brings up the fact that she's totally going to get cheated on. She distracts herself with wedding planning. She decides her dress will be white, instead of the customary gold brocade. All her friends give each other stank \u003cem>Ewww, she's so tacky!\u003c/em> looks behind her back, especially this friend:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62784\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 2.26.31 PM\" width=\"1000\" height=\"535\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM.png 1000w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-160x86.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-800x428.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-768x411.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-960x514.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-240x128.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-375x201.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-2.26.31-PM-520x278.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In Germany, Ernst surprises Albert by taking him to a brothel. Albert is not in the mood.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62785\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mfpr904wdD1rysluto1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst explains,\u003cem> Dude, I just want you to be good at sex!\u003c/em> \"Our dear little cousin will thank you for it.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/awww.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62786\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/awww.gif\" alt=\"awww\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While Ernst is off engaging in a casual orgy, Albert nervously makes out with a woman named Gretchen. She tries to get to second base and Albert interrupts: \u003cem>Um, instead of grabbing Lil Al, can you grab a notepad and a pen instead? I want you to draw a diagram of a vagina and write down what I'm supposed to do to it. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gretchen, being the humanitarian that she is, recites Monica's \"Seven Erogenous Zones\" monologue from\u003cem> Friends:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/mdK6LVDI3kg'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/mdK6LVDI3kg'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Meanwhile, having just found out that her dad was a cheating bastard like every other man she's ever met, Victoria tries to get her mother to reassure her that Albert isn't already messing around with the Gretchens of the world. Victoria's mom cannot tell a lie:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Albert? No. Not yet anyway...\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/CherylLaugh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62795\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/CherylLaugh.gif\" alt=\"CherylLaugh\" width=\"294\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few days later, Albert returns to town. Victoria immediately holds a title ceremony to avoid any more of his emo whining. He shall be a Knight of the Garter. Sounds cool! But not cool enough for Albert, King of the Mopey Mopers. He wants a seat in the House of Lords, like Lord M! And more money! And... waaaaahhhhh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A live feed of Albert:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cry-baby.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62796\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/cry-baby.gif\" alt=\"cry baby\" width=\"200\" height=\"150\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Also this:\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca.gif\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62797\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\" alt=\"veruca-salt\" width=\"500\" height=\"272\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tries to calmly tell Albert he needs a nice, long nap:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/59NWIOvPqZE'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/59NWIOvPqZE'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>But he keeps on Veruca Salt-ing:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62798\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca.gif\" alt=\"veruca\" width=\"480\" height=\"343\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So Victoria pulls a true boss move and announces to the entire room that Albert is tired and will be taking a nap now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dunst-bye.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62806\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dunst-bye.gif\" alt=\"dunst bye\" width=\"500\" height=\"274\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria finds comfort in spooning Dash. She should've listened to him, when he was barking up warnings during \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">the last episode\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62807\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg\" alt=\"dash\" width=\"1014\" height=\"523\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash.jpg 1014w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-160x83.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-800x413.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-768x396.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-960x495.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-240x124.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-375x193.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/dash-520x268.jpg 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1014px) 100vw, 1014px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria has had enough. She runs all around the property to find Albert and have it out. When she finds him, he POINTS A SABER AT HER THROAT.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62808\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 4.44.38 PM\" width=\"892\" height=\"543\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM.png 892w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-800x487.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-768x468.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-240x146.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-375x228.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.44.38-PM-520x317.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 892px) 100vw, 892px\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62809\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 4.42.00 PM\" width=\"1060\" height=\"526\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM.png 1060w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-160x79.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-800x397.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-768x381.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-1020x506.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-960x476.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-240x119.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-375x186.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/Screen-Shot-2017-02-05-at-4.42.00-PM-520x258.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1060px) 100vw, 1060px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62810\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m3hglv7vpv1qe0bpro1_400-ohhellno-slap_zps40973299\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unfortunately, she doesn't slap the crap out of him. Instead, she promises that, even though she's a Queen, she'll make sure to always obey him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/xk.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62811\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/xk.gif\" alt=\"xk\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, back at home, the lead butler is in love with a visiting German maid. He sent her all kinds of sexy emails over the past year, but she never got any of them! Spam folders: ruining lives since 1840.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time passes. It's time for Victoria's wedding! She decides that she wants a \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normcore\">normcore\u003c/a> ceremony (no diamonds, only boob flowers).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>Albert's vows:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"With this ring, I thee wed...\" (Sounds very familiar. He totally copied Michelle Obama's wedding vows!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"With my body, I thee worship...\" (Thanks to Gretchen's diagram, I bet he will!)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"And with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.\" (LOL, he doesn't have any -- he's not even a Lord -- but that's a nice thought.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert then says \"Amen,\" as if he's saying \"I'mma put a baby in you sometime within the next 15 minutes.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the ceremony, Victoria finds Lord M to essentially serenade him with a farewell rendition of \"I Will Always Love You.\" They briefly kiss on the cheek, and Lord M watches Victoria skip on her way to lose her virginity. Lord M goes home to binge-read some trashy novels and then die of old age.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is undressed and ready for action. Albert comes into the bedroom, Gretchen's vagina diagram seared into his brain. They lock eyes and think, \u003cem>Let's do this.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>The embodiment of First World Problems.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Uncle Leopold's Actress Mistress. \u003c/strong>All publicity is good publicity, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Dash. \u003c/strong>He's a loyal spooner, always right, and super duper cute. Bless him and his little broken paw.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Incest.\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong> Inter-family relations continue dominating royal family trees. You get a club foot! And you get a club foot!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Gretchen. \u003c/strong>So wise. So charitable. Canonize her already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/56540/victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_62819",
"label": "pop"
},
"pop_56538": {
"type": "posts",
"id": "pop_56538",
"meta": {
"index": "posts_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "56538",
"score": null,
"sort": [
1485756756000
]
},
"parent": 0,
"labelTerm": {
"site": "pop"
},
"blocks": [],
"publishDate": 1485756756,
"format": "standard",
"disqusTitle": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You're So Vain",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You're So Vain",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>Our episode starts where \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">the last\u003c/a> left off. Albert rudely interrupts Victoria's concerto, when he could have very easily cooled his jets and waited for her to finish doing her thing. Victoria's cute dog, Dash, is like, \u003cem>Did he just? Oh, hell naw!\u003c/em> He runs up to Albert and lets him have it. Unfortunately, none of the humans are fluent in Canine. Here's a translation of Dash's barking:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIzVCwhHcWc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert follows this faux pas with another. In a textbook \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging\">negging\u003c/a> move, he tells Victoria she made \"fewer mistakes\" than the last time he heard her play. We're supposed to like this dude? No thanks. #ImWithDash\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/large.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/large.gif\" alt=\"scrub tlc left eye\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom is like, \u003cem>Look, Victoria, aren't Albert and your other first cousin sooo hot?!\u003c/em> As if the incest isn't gross enough, she refers to them as \"specimens.\" Victoria and I agree that this entire display is gross.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ew-taylor-swift.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ew-taylor-swift.gif\" alt=\"ew taylor swift\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert wants to make plans to hang out and check out her art collection, especially the paintings by Leonardo da Vinci. Victoria responds with a \u003cem>Who dat?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lrzsuad72G1qebmn2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61173\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lrzsuad72G1qebmn2.gif\" alt=\"rihanna you look so dumb gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria gets out of spending time with Albert by explaining that she's going to be too busy going over war reports from Afghanistan, the 19th century version of \"I have to wash my hair.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ooh-burn-emma-stone.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61174\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ooh-burn-emma-stone.gif\" alt=\"ooh burn emma stone\" width=\"498\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Albert and his brother, Ernst, debrief on the interaction. Ernst thinks Albert should be less of a d-ck in the future. Good idea!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert threatens to go home because she didn't immediately fall to his feet when he insulted her piano skills. He also whines about how, even if things worked out, he would be married to a woman who was more successful than him. This is like that \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeVfLOqtPR8\">elevator scene\u003c/a> from \u003cem>The Shining\u003c/em>, only instead of blood gushing out, it's a sea of red flags.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a separate bedroom, Victoria and her servants dish on Albert. They decide he's hot, but rude, and suffering from a bad case of Resting Bitch Face™.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, some dude is trying to explain the concept of a stamp to Victoria. She finds the whole thing preposterous and hilarious: \"So everybody who wants to send a letter will have to lick my face?!\" Albert resting-bitch-faces in a corner and reprimands her for laughing at such a brilliant invention. Yep, that's right; they're not even married yet and already fighting... over stamps!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/bethenny-get-out.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61184\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/bethenny-get-out.gif\" alt=\"bethenny get out\" width=\"480\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria goes out on a balcony with Lord M and primal screams. Lord M is like, \u003cem>OMG, don't worry! The war reports from Afghanistan look really promising!\u003c/em> Victoria is like, \u003cem>Huh? How can you care about world affairs at a time like this? A boy was mean to me!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's that time again, when the \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers try to interest us in a servant B-plot again. Babyface Maid meets some woman in an alley, who threatens to tell everyone that Babyface used a fake identity to get the Buckingham Palace job, unless she pays up. I feel like this exact thing happened on \u003cem>Downton Abbey. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61185\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\" alt=\"nene been there done that\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert and Ernst head into town, where they are introduced to daguerreotypes. Almost as cool as stamps! Albert notices fancy ladies being rude to beggar children. One of these kids is the main character from Hans Christian Andersen's \"The Little Match Girl.\" Albert instructs a servant to give her a few coins. Ugh, now I'm stuck thinking about how sad that story is (\u003cem>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/em> people are trash and don't buy a poor girl's matches, so she hallucinates before freezing to death in a gutter).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-crying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61187\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-crying.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying\" width=\"440\" height=\"336\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anywaaaay, that night at dinner, Albert glares at Dash the Dog, while Ernst tells Victoria how much fun they had at the National Gallery. She asks if they checked out \u003ca href=\"http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y189/royal_forum/Queen-Victoria-India.jpg\">Hayter's portrait of her\u003c/a> (it's her fave). Albert is like, \u003cem>Definitely did not! I hate modern art! Old Masters for life! Especially Rubens!\u003c/em> Victoria replies that she detests Rubens and \"all that \u003ca href=\"https://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/rubens/bacchus.jpg\">wobbling flesh\u003c/a>.\" Longest, worst first date ever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Albert walks in on Victoria and her friends playing cards, and declares that he hates card games. Cool story, bro. Nobody asked you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst decides the only way to salvage this mess is with a Schubert duet (naturally). Victoria and Albert take out their sexual frustration on the keys and manage to make beautiful music together. The song ends and they share a nice quiet moment... until Albert tells Victoria she has small hands. Like Donald Trump, Victoria doesn't appreciate this being pointed out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, things get worse:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"You play very well, cousin, but I believe you do not practice enough. It's necessary to play for at least one hour each day.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"But a queen does not have time for scales every day.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"Only for card games.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61563\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq.gif\" alt=\"44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq\" width=\"500\" height=\"275\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria agrees to continue hanging out with Albert for some reason. She racks her brain for a safe topic that won't lead to more insults. A-ha! Gardens! Surely he can't find a way to turn that subject into something hateful, right? Yeah, no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Do you like gardens, Albert?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"I prefer forests.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61565\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250\" width=\"200\" height=\"217\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"257\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Babyface Maid steals a diamond hair pin. She puts it back a few minutes later.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7HJH0IH3dc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria throws a house party in Albert's honor, even though he doesn't deserve much more than a kick in the teeth and a permanent exile. Albert sulks in a corner (because he's the worst) until he sees Lord M ask Victoria to dance. Like a grumpy toddler who hasn't had a nap all day, Albert walks up to Lord M and wails, \u003cem>Mine!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like most toddlers, he gets his way and do-si-dos with Victoria. Soon, he gets distracted by a flower Victoria has placed in the middle of her boobs. He inhales her cleavage, looks at her lustily, and says... that it reminds him of his mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/michelle-obama-ew-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/michelle-obama-ew-gif.gif\" alt=\"michelle-obama-ew-gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He takes out a knife, sensually slices his shirt open, and places the flower near his nipple. Victoria looks on like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/o-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61577\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/o-face.gif\" alt=\"o-face\" width=\"245\" height=\"170\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It looks like they're about to get into some \u003ca href=\"http://www.eonline.com/news/590687/billy-bob-thornton-explains-why-angelina-jolie-wanted-to-wear-a-vial-of-his-blood-around-her-neck\">Billy Bob and Angelina sexy blood vial stuff\u003c/a>, but they stop short. I guess that's in next week's episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M tries to update Victoria on Afghanistan. Victoria does not give a single you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/635916936701388154-801535178_care.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61574\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/635916936701388154-801535178_care.gif\" alt=\"635916936701388154-801535178_care\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's too giddy about taking a road trip to Windsor to care about foreign affairs. Maybe if she shows Albert a forest, he'll stop being so mean! (Fat chance.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Windsor, Albert is grumpy because he doesn't like his dinner outfit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/god-i-hate-you.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61575\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/god-i-hate-you.gif\" alt=\"god i hate you\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tells Lord M about how she just binge-read the coolest book: Charles Dickens' \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em>. Lord M says that his Netflix queue is already super long so he doesn't have time to read about grave robbers and pickpockets. Albert, Patron Saint of Contrarians, comes out of the shadows to declare that he loves \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em> and grave robbers and pickpockets!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/asu.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61576\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/asu.gif\" alt=\"asu\" width=\"360\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria finally figures out how to get Albert in the mood: show him an old oak tree! It works. He tells her he hates her hat and tells her to take it off. He considers kissing her, before deciding nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tries to rescue the moment by asking about what happened to his dead mom (not exactly something you'd find in a Dirty Talk 101 course manual). Apparently, his mom left his dad when Albert was five and then died sometime later. I mean, if Albert was my son, I would also run away and die, so I get it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Off in the distance, Dash can be heard squealing in pain. Oh, hell no. If Dash dies, I will seriously stop recapping this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-cant.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61578\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-cant.gif\" alt=\"i cant\" width=\"282\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dash broke his leg! Albert rips part of his shirt off to make a puppy paw tourniquet. Awww! Two points for Hufflepuff! But, moments later, Albert throws a jealous hissy fit over Lord M and tells Victoria she should just marry him because she seems to love to surround herself with sycophants. Minus those same two points from Hufflepuff!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"How dare you! May I remind you that, while you were looking at paintings in Italy, I was ruling this country! I don't need you to tell me what to think, Albert.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"No. That's Lord Melbourne's job.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>SLAP HIM! KILL HIM! DO IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61579\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640\" width=\"481\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She doesn't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/disappointed-jennifer-lopez.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/disappointed-jennifer-lopez.gif\" alt=\"disappointed jennifer lopez\" width=\"371\" height=\"242\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Babyface gives some lace collars to Random Blackmailing Lady because she needs to feed her baby or something. I still don't care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because of the bicker-fest in the forest, the Windsor slumber party is called off and everyone returns to Buckingham Palace. Victoria complains to Lord M that Albert is super jealous of him. Due to his constant barrage of critiques, she starts to believe that there's something wrong with \u003cem>her\u003c/em>, not him: \"Albert always looks at me as if I've done something wrong. I'd like him to smile at me.\" Wake up, girl! He's negging you! It's a classic pickup artist move! Don't fall for it! (She's totally gonna.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M takes Albert aside and says, \u003cem>Look, I'm old and going to retire as Victoria's Prime Minister soon, so stop being such a jealous little sh-t.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria gets all gussied up, puts boob flowers in her hair and all over the mantlepiece and calls for Albert. He's like, \u003cem>Oooo! Boob flowers! You know how much thinking about my dead mom turns me on!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She discards all my sage dating advice and proposes marriage to him. (Note: he's still very much her first cousin.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20488\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" alt=\"tina fey eyeroll gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He responds, \u003cem>Of course! Sorry for being the worst! Let's make out!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Actually, no. His real response: \"That depends.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/jennifer-lawrence-middle-finger.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61580\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/jennifer-lawrence-middle-finger.gif\" alt=\"jennifer lawrence middle finger\" width=\"500\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Minus all the points from Hufflepuff. What is this dweeb's damage???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He eventually agrees to marry her and they giggle about how it will be \"a marriage of inconvenience\" because of how mentally abusive he is. Ha ha ha, so funny.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20490\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" alt=\"whitney fake laugh gif\" width=\"235\" height=\"183\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>A high school World History textbook already spoiled this marriage for me, but I'm still hoping Dash interrupts the wedding during the \"Speak now or forever hold your peace\" part and, in a twist of revisionist history, saves Victoria from a lifetime of passive-aggressive mind games. I also hope that Dash gives Albert rabies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Afghanistan. \u003c/strong>Victoria doesn't give a crap about you, but Lord M and I do!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>The Little Match Girl. \u003c/strong>I would say it gets better, but it doesn't. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Lord M. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The walking and talking embodiment of \"I'm too old for this sh-t.\" He deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for not slapping these people to death on the daily.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Dash. \u003c/strong>This adorable pup knew Albert was bad news from the start. The only one who continuously keeps it real. MVP and all-around dreamboat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
"disqusIdentifier": "56538 http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/?p=56538",
"disqusUrl": "https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/",
"stats": {
"hasVideo": true,
"hasChartOrMap": false,
"hasAudio": false,
"hasPolis": false,
"wordCount": 2165,
"hasGoogleForm": false,
"hasGallery": false,
"hasHearkenModule": false,
"iframeSrcs": [],
"paragraphCount": 102
},
"modified": 1551664236,
"excerpt": "You know when your friend starts to date a jerk and you just have to keep quiet and watch it unfold. Yeah, that's what this week's episode is. ",
"headData": {
"twImgId": "",
"twTitle": "",
"ogTitle": "",
"ogImgId": "",
"twDescription": "",
"description": "You know when your friend starts to date a jerk and you just have to keep quiet and watch it unfold. Yeah, that's what this week's episode is. ",
"title": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You're So Vain | KQED",
"ogDescription": "",
"schema": {
"@context": "https://schema.org",
"@type": "Article",
"headline": "'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You're So Vain",
"datePublished": "2017-01-29T22:12:36-08:00",
"dateModified": "2019-03-03T17:50:36-08:00",
"image": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"
}
},
"guestAuthors": [],
"slug": "victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain",
"status": "publish",
"customPermalink": "2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/",
"path": "/pop/56538/victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain",
"audioTrackLength": null,
"parsedContent": [
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Our episode starts where \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">the last\u003c/a> left off. Albert rudely interrupts Victoria's concerto, when he could have very easily cooled his jets and waited for her to finish doing her thing. Victoria's cute dog, Dash, is like, \u003cem>Did he just? Oh, hell naw!\u003c/em> He runs up to Albert and lets him have it. Unfortunately, none of the humans are fluent in Canine. Here's a translation of Dash's barking:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/fIzVCwhHcWc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/fIzVCwhHcWc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Albert follows this faux pas with another. In a textbook \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging\">negging\u003c/a> move, he tells Victoria she made \"fewer mistakes\" than the last time he heard her play. We're supposed to like this dude? No thanks. #ImWithDash\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/large.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/large.gif\" alt=\"scrub tlc left eye\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom is like, \u003cem>Look, Victoria, aren't Albert and your other first cousin sooo hot?!\u003c/em> As if the incest isn't gross enough, she refers to them as \"specimens.\" Victoria and I agree that this entire display is gross.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "fullwidth"
},
"numeric": [
"fullwidth"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ew-taylor-swift.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ew-taylor-swift.gif\" alt=\"ew taylor swift\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert wants to make plans to hang out and check out her art collection, especially the paintings by Leonardo da Vinci. Victoria responds with a \u003cem>Who dat?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lrzsuad72G1qebmn2.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61173\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lrzsuad72G1qebmn2.gif\" alt=\"rihanna you look so dumb gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria gets out of spending time with Albert by explaining that she's going to be too busy going over war reports from Afghanistan, the 19th century version of \"I have to wash my hair.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ooh-burn-emma-stone.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61174\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/ooh-burn-emma-stone.gif\" alt=\"ooh burn emma stone\" width=\"498\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Albert and his brother, Ernst, debrief on the interaction. Ernst thinks Albert should be less of a d-ck in the future. Good idea!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert threatens to go home because she didn't immediately fall to his feet when he insulted her piano skills. He also whines about how, even if things worked out, he would be married to a woman who was more successful than him. This is like that \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeVfLOqtPR8\">elevator scene\u003c/a> from \u003cem>The Shining\u003c/em>, only instead of blood gushing out, it's a sea of red flags.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a separate bedroom, Victoria and her servants dish on Albert. They decide he's hot, but rude, and suffering from a bad case of Resting Bitch Face™.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, some dude is trying to explain the concept of a stamp to Victoria. She finds the whole thing preposterous and hilarious: \"So everybody who wants to send a letter will have to lick my face?!\" Albert resting-bitch-faces in a corner and reprimands her for laughing at such a brilliant invention. Yep, that's right; they're not even married yet and already fighting... over stamps!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/bethenny-get-out.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61184\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/bethenny-get-out.gif\" alt=\"bethenny get out\" width=\"480\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria goes out on a balcony with Lord M and primal screams. Lord M is like, \u003cem>OMG, don't worry! The war reports from Afghanistan look really promising!\u003c/em> Victoria is like, \u003cem>Huh? How can you care about world affairs at a time like this? A boy was mean to me!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's that time again, when the \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers try to interest us in a servant B-plot again. Babyface Maid meets some woman in an alley, who threatens to tell everyone that Babyface used a fake identity to get the Buckingham Palace job, unless she pays up. I feel like this exact thing happened on \u003cem>Downton Abbey. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61185\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/nene-been-there-done-that.gif\" alt=\"nene been there done that\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert and Ernst head into town, where they are introduced to daguerreotypes. Almost as cool as stamps! Albert notices fancy ladies being rude to beggar children. One of these kids is the main character from Hans Christian Andersen's \"The Little Match Girl.\" Albert instructs a servant to give her a few coins. Ugh, now I'm stuck thinking about how sad that story is (\u003cem>Cliffs Notes version:\u003c/em> people are trash and don't buy a poor girl's matches, so she hallucinates before freezing to death in a gutter).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-crying.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61187\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-crying.gif\" alt=\"oprah crying\" width=\"440\" height=\"336\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anywaaaay, that night at dinner, Albert glares at Dash the Dog, while Ernst tells Victoria how much fun they had at the National Gallery. She asks if they checked out \u003ca href=\"http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y189/royal_forum/Queen-Victoria-India.jpg\">Hayter's portrait of her\u003c/a> (it's her fave). Albert is like, \u003cem>Definitely did not! I hate modern art! Old Masters for life! Especially Rubens!\u003c/em> Victoria replies that she detests Rubens and \"all that \u003ca href=\"https://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/rubens/bacchus.jpg\">wobbling flesh\u003c/a>.\" Longest, worst first date ever!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After dinner, Albert walks in on Victoria and her friends playing cards, and declares that he hates card games. Cool story, bro. Nobody asked you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ernst decides the only way to salvage this mess is with a Schubert duet (naturally). Victoria and Albert take out their sexual frustration on the keys and manage to make beautiful music together. The song ends and they share a nice quiet moment... until Albert tells Victoria she has small hands. Like Donald Trump, Victoria doesn't appreciate this being pointed out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, things get worse:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"You play very well, cousin, but I believe you do not practice enough. It's necessary to play for at least one hour each day.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"But a queen does not have time for scales every day.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"Only for card games.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61563\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq.gif\" alt=\"44ae0d8b9b959e08553a728916122a7ef77210ae_hq\" width=\"500\" height=\"275\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria agrees to continue hanging out with Albert for some reason. She racks her brain for a safe topic that won't lead to more insults. A-ha! Gardens! Surely he can't find a way to turn that subject into something hateful, right? Yeah, no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Do you like gardens, Albert?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"I prefer forests.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61565\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mtrvjnENhz1rqp2rqo1_250\" width=\"200\" height=\"217\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_nsqbzkqPOH1rkg7ly_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"257\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Babyface Maid steals a diamond hair pin. She puts it back a few minutes later.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/M7HJH0IH3dc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>That night, Victoria throws a house party in Albert's honor, even though he doesn't deserve much more than a kick in the teeth and a permanent exile. Albert sulks in a corner (because he's the worst) until he sees Lord M ask Victoria to dance. Like a grumpy toddler who hasn't had a nap all day, Albert walks up to Lord M and wails, \u003cem>Mine!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Like most toddlers, he gets his way and do-si-dos with Victoria. Soon, he gets distracted by a flower Victoria has placed in the middle of her boobs. He inhales her cleavage, looks at her lustily, and says... that it reminds him of his mom.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/michelle-obama-ew-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/michelle-obama-ew-gif.gif\" alt=\"michelle-obama-ew-gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He takes out a knife, sensually slices his shirt open, and places the flower near his nipple. Victoria looks on like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/o-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61577\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/o-face.gif\" alt=\"o-face\" width=\"245\" height=\"170\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It looks like they're about to get into some \u003ca href=\"http://www.eonline.com/news/590687/billy-bob-thornton-explains-why-angelina-jolie-wanted-to-wear-a-vial-of-his-blood-around-her-neck\">Billy Bob and Angelina sexy blood vial stuff\u003c/a>, but they stop short. I guess that's in next week's episode.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M tries to update Victoria on Afghanistan. Victoria does not give a single you-know-what.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/635916936701388154-801535178_care.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61574\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/635916936701388154-801535178_care.gif\" alt=\"635916936701388154-801535178_care\" width=\"245\" height=\"184\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's too giddy about taking a road trip to Windsor to care about foreign affairs. Maybe if she shows Albert a forest, he'll stop being so mean! (Fat chance.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At Windsor, Albert is grumpy because he doesn't like his dinner outfit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/god-i-hate-you.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61575\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/god-i-hate-you.gif\" alt=\"god i hate you\" width=\"498\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tells Lord M about how she just binge-read the coolest book: Charles Dickens' \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em>. Lord M says that his Netflix queue is already super long so he doesn't have time to read about grave robbers and pickpockets. Albert, Patron Saint of Contrarians, comes out of the shadows to declare that he loves \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em> and grave robbers and pickpockets!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/asu.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61576\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/asu.gif\" alt=\"asu\" width=\"360\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria finally figures out how to get Albert in the mood: show him an old oak tree! It works. He tells her he hates her hat and tells her to take it off. He considers kissing her, before deciding nah.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria tries to rescue the moment by asking about what happened to his dead mom (not exactly something you'd find in a Dirty Talk 101 course manual). Apparently, his mom left his dad when Albert was five and then died sometime later. I mean, if Albert was my son, I would also run away and die, so I get it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Off in the distance, Dash can be heard squealing in pain. Oh, hell no. If Dash dies, I will seriously stop recapping this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-cant.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61578\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-cant.gif\" alt=\"i cant\" width=\"282\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Dash broke his leg! Albert rips part of his shirt off to make a puppy paw tourniquet. Awww! Two points for Hufflepuff! But, moments later, Albert throws a jealous hissy fit over Lord M and tells Victoria she should just marry him because she seems to love to surround herself with sycophants. Minus those same two points from Hufflepuff!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"How dare you! May I remind you that, while you were looking at paintings in Italy, I was ruling this country! I don't need you to tell me what to think, Albert.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Albert:\u003c/strong> \"No. That's Lord Melbourne's job.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>SLAP HIM! KILL HIM! DO IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61579\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7kmcsvczbtkwc8ckgsgk4ss4w_640\" width=\"481\" height=\"271\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She doesn't.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/disappointed-jennifer-lopez.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/disappointed-jennifer-lopez.gif\" alt=\"disappointed jennifer lopez\" width=\"371\" height=\"242\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in London, Babyface gives some lace collars to Random Blackmailing Lady because she needs to feed her baby or something. I still don't care.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because of the bicker-fest in the forest, the Windsor slumber party is called off and everyone returns to Buckingham Palace. Victoria complains to Lord M that Albert is super jealous of him. Due to his constant barrage of critiques, she starts to believe that there's something wrong with \u003cem>her\u003c/em>, not him: \"Albert always looks at me as if I've done something wrong. I'd like him to smile at me.\" Wake up, girl! He's negging you! It's a classic pickup artist move! Don't fall for it! (She's totally gonna.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M takes Albert aside and says, \u003cem>Look, I'm old and going to retire as Victoria's Prime Minister soon, so stop being such a jealous little sh-t.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria gets all gussied up, puts boob flowers in her hair and all over the mantlepiece and calls for Albert. He's like, \u003cem>Oooo! Boob flowers! You know how much thinking about my dead mom turns me on!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She discards all my sage dating advice and proposes marriage to him. (Note: he's still very much her first cousin.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20488\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/971.gif\" alt=\"tina fey eyeroll gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He responds, \u003cem>Of course! Sorry for being the worst! Let's make out!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Actually, no. His real response: \"That depends.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/jennifer-lawrence-middle-finger.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-61580\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/jennifer-lawrence-middle-finger.gif\" alt=\"jennifer lawrence middle finger\" width=\"500\" height=\"209\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Minus all the points from Hufflepuff. What is this dweeb's damage???\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He eventually agrees to marry her and they giggle about how it will be \"a marriage of inconvenience\" because of how mentally abusive he is. Ha ha ha, so funny.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20490\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/00FakeLaugh.gif\" alt=\"whitney fake laugh gif\" width=\"235\" height=\"183\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Albert. \u003c/strong>A high school World History textbook already spoiled this marriage for me, but I'm still hoping Dash interrupts the wedding during the \"Speak now or forever hold your peace\" part and, in a twist of revisionist history, saves Victoria from a lifetime of passive-aggressive mind games. I also hope that Dash gives Albert rabies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>Afghanistan. \u003c/strong>Victoria doesn't give a crap about you, but Lord M and I do!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong>The Little Match Girl. \u003c/strong>I would say it gets better, but it doesn't. 🙁\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Lord M. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>The walking and talking embodiment of \"I'm too old for this sh-t.\" He deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for not slapping these people to death on the daily.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Dash. \u003c/strong>This adorable pup knew Albert was bad news from the start. The only one who continuously keeps it real. MVP and all-around dreamboat.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
},
{
"type": "component",
"content": "",
"name": "ad",
"attributes": {
"named": {
"label": "floatright"
},
"numeric": [
"floatright"
]
}
},
{
"type": "contentString",
"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
"attributes": {
"named": {},
"numeric": []
}
}
],
"link": "/pop/56538/victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain",
"authors": [
"27"
],
"categories": [
"pop_3"
],
"tags": [
"pop_8",
"pop_2931"
],
"featImg": "pop_61589",
"label": "pop"
}
},
"podcastsReducer": {
"isFetching": false,
"fetchFailed": false,
"hasFetched": false,
"podcasts": {}
},
"radioProgramsReducer": {
"isFetching": false,
"fetchFailed": false,
"hasFetched": false,
"radioPrograms": {}
},
"programsReducer": {
"all-things-considered": {
"id": "all-things-considered",
"title": "All Things Considered",
"info": "Every weekday, \u003cem>All Things Considered\u003c/em> hosts Robert Siegel, Audie Cornish, Ari Shapiro, and Kelly McEvers present the program's trademark mix of news, interviews, commentaries, reviews, and offbeat features. Michel Martin hosts on the weekends.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 1pm-2pm, 4:30pm-6:30pm\u003cbr />SAT-SUN 5pm-6pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/All-Things-Considered-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/all-things-considered/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/all-things-considered"
},
"american-suburb-podcast": {
"id": "american-suburb-podcast",
"title": "American Suburb: The Podcast",
"tagline": "The flip side of gentrification, told through one town",
"info": "Gentrification is changing cities across America, forcing people from neighborhoods they have long called home. Call them the displaced. Now those priced out of the Bay Area are looking for a better life in an unlikely place. American Suburb follows this migration to one California town along the Delta, 45 miles from San Francisco. But is this once sleepy suburb ready for them?",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/American-Suburb-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/news/series/american-suburb-podcast",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 19
},
"link": "/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/RBrW",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=1287748328",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/American-Suburb-p1086805/",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/american-suburb-podcast/feed/podcast",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMzMDExODgxNjA5"
}
},
"baycurious": {
"id": "baycurious",
"title": "Bay Curious",
"tagline": "Exploring the Bay Area, one question at a time",
"info": "KQED’s new podcast, Bay Curious, gets to the bottom of the mysteries — both profound and peculiar — that give the Bay Area its unique identity. And we’ll do it with your help! You ask the questions. You decide what Bay Curious investigates. And you join us on the journey to find the answers.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Bay-Curious-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Bay Curious",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/news/series/baycurious",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 3
},
"link": "/podcasts/baycurious",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bay-curious/id1172473406",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/500557090/bay-curious",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/category/bay-curious-podcast/feed/podcast",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/9a90d476-aa04-455d-9a4c-0871ed6216d4/bay-curious",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/bay-curious",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/6O76IdmhixfijmhTZLIJ8k"
}
},
"bbc-world-service": {
"id": "bbc-world-service",
"title": "BBC World Service",
"info": "The day's top stories from BBC News compiled twice daily in the week, once at weekends.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9pm-10pm, TUE-FRI 1am-2am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/BBC-World-Service-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/live:bbc_world_service",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "BBC World Service"
},
"link": "/radio/program/bbc-world-service",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/global-news-podcast/id135067274?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/BBC-World-Service-p455581/",
"rss": "https://podcasts.files.bbci.co.uk/p02nq0gn.rss"
}
},
"californiareport": {
"id": "californiareport",
"title": "The California Report",
"tagline": "California, day by day",
"info": "KQED’s statewide radio news program providing daily coverage of issues, trends and public policy decisions.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-California-Report-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The California Report",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/californiareport",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 8
},
"link": "/californiareport",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kqeds-the-california-report/id79681292",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/26099305-72af-4542-9dde-ac1807fe36d5/kqed-s-the-california-report",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432285393/the-california-report",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqedfm-kqeds-the-california-report-podcast-8838",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/tag/tcram/feed/podcast"
}
},
"californiareportmagazine": {
"id": "californiareportmagazine",
"title": "The California Report Magazine",
"tagline": "Your state, your stories",
"info": "Every week, The California Report Magazine takes you on a road trip for the ears: to visit the places and meet the people who make California unique. The in-depth storytelling podcast from the California Report.",
"airtime": "FRI 4:30pm-5pm, 6:30pm-7pm, 11pm-11:30pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-California-Report-Magazine-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The California Report Magazine",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/californiareportmagazine",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 10
},
"link": "/californiareportmagazine",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-california-report-magazine/id1314750545",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM3NjkwNjk1OTAz",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/564733126/the-california-report-magazine",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/the-california-report-magazine",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/tag/tcrmag/feed/podcast"
}
},
"city-arts": {
"id": "city-arts",
"title": "City Arts & Lectures",
"info": "A one-hour radio program to hear celebrated writers, artists and thinkers address contemporary ideas and values, often discussing the creative process. Please note: tapes or transcripts are not available",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/05/cityartsandlecture-300x300.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.cityarts.net/",
"airtime": "SUN 1pm-2pm, TUE 10pm, WED 1am",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "City Arts & Lectures"
},
"link": "https://www.cityarts.net",
"subscribe": {
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/City-Arts-and-Lectures-p692/",
"rss": "https://www.cityarts.net/feed/"
}
},
"closealltabs": {
"id": "closealltabs",
"title": "Close All Tabs",
"tagline": "Your irreverent guide to the trends redefining our world",
"info": "Close All Tabs breaks down how digital culture shapes our world through thoughtful insights and irreverent humor.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/CAT_2_Tile-scaled.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Close All Tabs",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/closealltabs",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 1
},
"link": "/podcasts/closealltabs",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/close-all-tabs/id214663465",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC6993880386",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/92d9d4ac-67a3-4eed-b10a-fb45d45b1ef2/close-all-tabs",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/6LAJFHnGK1pYXYzv6SIol6?si=deb0cae19813417c"
}
},
"code-switch-life-kit": {
"id": "code-switch-life-kit",
"title": "Code Switch / Life Kit",
"info": "\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />",
"airtime": "SUN 9pm-10pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Code-Switch-Life-Kit-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"
}
},
"commonwealth-club": {
"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
"airtime": "THU 10pm, FRI 1am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.commonwealthclub.org/podcasts",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
"link": "/radio/program/commonwealth-club",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/commonwealth-club-of-california-podcast/id976334034?mt=2",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Commonwealth-Club-of-California-p1060/"
}
},
"forum": {
"id": "forum",
"title": "Forum",
"tagline": "The conversation starts here",
"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/forum",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 9
},
"link": "/forum",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kqeds-forum/id73329719",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432307980/forum",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqedfm-kqeds-forum-podcast",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC9557381633"
}
},
"freakonomics-radio": {
"id": "freakonomics-radio",
"title": "Freakonomics Radio",
"info": "Freakonomics Radio is a one-hour award-winning podcast and public-radio project hosted by Stephen Dubner, with co-author Steve Levitt as a regular guest. It is produced in partnership with WNYC.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/freakonomicsRadio.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://freakonomics.com/",
"airtime": "SUN 1am-2am, SAT 3pm-4pm",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/freakonomics-radio",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/freakonomics-radio/id354668519",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/Freakonomics-Radio-p272293/",
"rss": "https://feeds.feedburner.com/freakonomicsradio"
}
},
"fresh-air": {
"id": "fresh-air",
"title": "Fresh Air",
"info": "Hosted by Terry Gross, \u003cem>Fresh Air from WHYY\u003c/em> is the Peabody Award-winning weekday magazine of contemporary arts and issues. One of public radio's most popular programs, Fresh Air features intimate conversations with today's biggest luminaries.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 7pm-8pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Fresh-Air-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/fresh-air",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Fresh-Air-p17/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/381444908/podcast.xml"
}
},
"here-and-now": {
"id": "here-and-now",
"title": "Here & Now",
"info": "A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.",
"airtime": "MON-THU 11am-12pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Here-And-Now-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://www.wbur.org/hereandnow",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/here-and-now",
"subsdcribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?mt=2&id=426698661",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Here--Now-p211/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510051/podcast.xml"
}
},
"hidden-brain": {
"id": "hidden-brain",
"title": "Hidden Brain",
"info": "Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices and direct our relationships.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/05/hiddenbrain.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/series/423302056/hidden-brain",
"airtime": "SUN 7pm-8pm",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "NPR"
},
"link": "/radio/program/hidden-brain",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/Science-Podcasts/Hidden-Brain-p787503/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510308/podcast.xml"
}
},
"how-i-built-this": {
"id": "how-i-built-this",
"title": "How I Built This with Guy Raz",
"info": "Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. How I Built This weaves a narrative journey about innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists—and the movements they built.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/howIBuiltThis.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this",
"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/how-i-built-this",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/3zxy",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-i-built-this-with-guy-raz/id1150510297?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/Arts--Culture-Podcasts/How-I-Built-This-p910896/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510313/podcast.xml"
}
},
"hyphenacion": {
"id": "hyphenacion",
"title": "Hyphenación",
"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Hyphenacion_FinalAssets_PodcastTile.png",
"imageAlt": "KQED Hyphenación",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 15
},
"link": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hyphenaci%C3%B3n/id1191591838",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/2p3Fifq96nw9BPcmFdIq0o?si=39209f7b25774f38",
"youtube": "https://www.youtube.com/c/kqedarts",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/6c3dd23c-93fb-4aab-97ba-1725fa6315f1/hyphenaci%C3%B3n",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC2275451163"
}
},
"jerrybrown": {
"id": "jerrybrown",
"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Political-Mind-of-Jerry-Brown-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 18
},
"link": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/790253322/the-political-mind-of-jerry-brown",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1492194549",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/series/jerrybrown/feed/podcast/",
"tuneIn": "http://tun.in/pjGcK",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/the-political-mind-of-jerry-brown",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/54C1dmuyFyKMFttY6X2j6r?si=K8SgRCoISNK6ZbjpXrX5-w",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/44420f75-3b0e-4301-ab3b-16da6b09e543/the-political-mind-of-jerry-brown"
}
},
"latino-usa": {
"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
"airtime": "MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm",
"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/latino-usa",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/xtTd",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=79681317&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Latino-USA-p621/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510016/podcast.xml"
}
},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "American Public Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/marketplace",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=201853034&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/APM-Marketplace-p88/",
"rss": "https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/marketplace-pm/rss/rss"
}
},
"masters-of-scale": {
"id": "masters-of-scale",
"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Masters-of-Scale-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WaitWhat"
},
"link": "/radio/program/masters-of-scale",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "http://mastersofscale.app.link/",
"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
"tagline": "A podcast about the future of learning and how we raise our kids",
"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/mindshift/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 12
},
"link": "/podcasts/mindshift",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"
}
},
"morning-edition": {
"id": "morning-edition",
"title": "Morning Edition",
"info": "\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3am-9am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/morning-edition"
},
"onourwatch": {
"id": "onourwatch",
"title": "On Our Watch",
"tagline": "Deeply-reported investigative journalism",
"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "On Our Watch from NPR and KQED",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 11
},
"link": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw",
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/onourwatch",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/0OLWoyizopu6tY1XiuX70x",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/On-Our-Watch-p1436229/",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/show/on-our-watch",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510360/podcast.xml"
}
},
"on-the-media": {
"id": "on-the-media",
"title": "On The Media",
"info": "Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us",
"airtime": "SUN 2pm-3pm, MON 12am-1am",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/onTheMedia.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/otm",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "wnyc"
},
"link": "/radio/program/on-the-media",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-media/id73330715?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/On-the-Media-p69/",
"rss": "http://feeds.wnyc.org/onthemedia"
}
},
"pbs-newshour": {
"id": "pbs-newshour",
"title": "PBS NewsHour",
"info": "Analysis, background reports and updates from the PBS NewsHour putting today's news in context.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3pm-4pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/PBS-News-Hour-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "pbs"
},
"link": "/radio/program/pbs-newshour",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pbs-newshour-full-show/id394432287?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/PBS-NewsHour---Full-Show-p425698/",
"rss": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/feeds/rss/podcasts/show"
}
},
"perspectives": {
"id": "perspectives",
"title": "Perspectives",
"tagline": "KQED's series of daily listener commentaries since 1991",
"info": "KQED's series of daily listener commentaries since 1991.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Perspectives_Tile_Final.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Perspectives",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/perspectives/",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 14
},
"link": "/perspectives",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id73801135",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/432309616/perspectives",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/perspectives/category/perspectives/feed/",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93dzIua3FlZC5vcmcvcGVyc3BlY3RpdmVzL2NhdGVnb3J5L3BlcnNwZWN0aXZlcy9mZWVkLw"
}
},
"planet-money": {
"id": "planet-money",
"title": "Planet Money",
"info": "The economy explained. Imagine you could call up a friend and say, Meet me at the bar and tell me what's going on with the economy. Now imagine that's actually a fun evening.",
"airtime": "SUN 3pm-4pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/planetmoney.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/sections/money/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/planet-money",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/M4f5",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/planet-money/id290783428?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/Business--Economics-Podcasts/Planet-Money-p164680/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510289/podcast.xml"
}
},
"politicalbreakdown": {
"id": "politicalbreakdown",
"title": "Political Breakdown",
"tagline": "Politics from a personal perspective",
"info": "Political Breakdown is a new series that explores the political intersection of California and the nation. Each week hosts Scott Shafer and Marisa Lagos are joined with a new special guest to unpack politics -- with personality — and offer an insider’s glimpse at how politics happens.",
"airtime": "THU 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Political-Breakdown-2024-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Political Breakdown",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/politicalbreakdown",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 5
},
"link": "/podcasts/politicalbreakdown",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/political-breakdown/id1327641087",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/e0c2d153-ad36-4c8d-901d-f1da6a724824/political-breakdown",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/572155894/political-breakdown",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/political-breakdown",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/07RVyIjIdk2WDuVehvBMoN",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/tag/political-breakdown/feed/podcast"
}
},
"possible": {
"id": "possible",
"title": "Possible",
"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
"airtime": "SUN 2pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Possible-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.possible.fm/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "Possible"
},
"link": "/radio/program/possible",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/possible/id1677184070",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/730YpdUSNlMyPQwNnyjp4k"
}
},
"pri-the-world": {
"id": "pri-the-world",
"title": "PRI's The World: Latest Edition",
"info": "Each weekday, host Marco Werman and his team of producers bring you the world's most interesting stories in an hour of radio that reminds us just how small our planet really is.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 2pm-3pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-World-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.pri.org/programs/the-world",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "PRI"
},
"link": "/radio/program/pri-the-world",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pris-the-world-latest-edition/id278196007?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/News--Politics-Podcasts/PRIs-The-World-p24/",
"rss": "http://feeds.feedburner.com/pri/theworld"
}
},
"radiolab": {
"id": "radiolab",
"title": "Radiolab",
"info": "A two-time Peabody Award-winner, Radiolab is an investigation told through sounds and stories, and centered around one big idea. In the Radiolab world, information sounds like music and science and culture collide. Hosted by Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich, the show is designed for listeners who demand skepticism, but appreciate wonder. WNYC Studios is the producer of other leading podcasts including Freakonomics Radio, Death, Sex & Money, On the Media and many more.",
"airtime": "SUN 12am-1am, SAT 2pm-3pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/radiolab1400.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/radiolab/",
"meta": {
"site": "science",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/radiolab",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/radiolab/id152249110?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/RadioLab-p68032/",
"rss": "https://feeds.wnyc.org/radiolab"
}
},
"reveal": {
"id": "reveal",
"title": "Reveal",
"info": "Created by The Center for Investigative Reporting and PRX, Reveal is public radios first one-hour weekly radio show and podcast dedicated to investigative reporting. Credible, fact based and without a partisan agenda, Reveal combines the power and artistry of driveway moment storytelling with data-rich reporting on critically important issues. The result is stories that inform and inspire, arming our listeners with information to right injustices, hold the powerful accountable and improve lives.Reveal is hosted by Al Letson and showcases the award-winning work of CIR and newsrooms large and small across the nation. In a radio and podcast market crowded with choices, Reveal focuses on important and often surprising stories that illuminate the world for our listeners.",
"airtime": "SAT 4pm-5pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/reveal300px.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.revealnews.org/episodes/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/reveal",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/reveal/id886009669",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Reveal-p679597/",
"rss": "http://feeds.revealradio.org/revealpodcast"
}
},
"rightnowish": {
"id": "rightnowish",
"title": "Rightnowish",
"tagline": "Art is where you find it",
"info": "Rightnowish digs into life in the Bay Area right now… ish. Journalist Pendarvis Harshaw takes us to galleries painted on the sides of liquor stores in West Oakland. We'll dance in warehouses in the Bayview, make smoothies with kids in South Berkeley, and listen to classical music in a 1984 Cutlass Supreme in Richmond. Every week, Pen talks to movers and shakers about how the Bay Area shapes what they create, and how they shape the place we call home.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Rightnowish-Podcast-Tile-500x500-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Rightnowish with Pendarvis Harshaw",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/rightnowish",
"meta": {
"site": "arts",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 16
},
"link": "/podcasts/rightnowish",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/721590300/rightnowish",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/arts/programs/rightnowish/feed/podcast",
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rightnowish/id1482187648",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/rightnowish",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkMxMjU5MTY3NDc4",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/7kEJuafTzTVan7B78ttz1I"
}
},
"science-friday": {
"id": "science-friday",
"title": "Science Friday",
"info": "Science Friday is a weekly science talk show, broadcast live over public radio stations nationwide. Each week, the show focuses on science topics that are in the news and tries to bring an educated, balanced discussion to bear on the scientific issues at hand. Panels of expert guests join host Ira Flatow, a veteran science journalist, to discuss science and to take questions from listeners during the call-in portion of the program.",
"airtime": "FRI 11am-1pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Science-Friday-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/science-friday",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/science-friday",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=73329284&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Science-Friday-p394/",
"rss": "http://feeds.wnyc.org/science-friday"
}
},
"snap-judgment": {
"id": "snap-judgment",
"title": "Snap Judgment",
"tagline": "Real stories with killer beats",
"info": "The Snap Judgment radio show and podcast mixes real stories with killer beats to produce cinematic, dramatic radio. Snap's musical brand of storytelling dares listeners to see the world through the eyes of another. This is storytelling... with a BEAT!! Snap first aired on public radio stations nationwide in July 2010. Today, Snap Judgment airs on over 450 public radio stations and is brought to the airwaves by KQED & PRX.",
"airtime": "SAT 1pm-2pm, 9pm-10pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Snap-Judgment-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Snap Judgment",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://snapjudgment.org",
"meta": {
"site": "arts",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 4
},
"link": "https://snapjudgment.org",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/snap-judgment/id283657561",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/449018144/snap-judgment",
"stitcher": "https://www.pandora.com/podcast/snap-judgment/PC:241?source=stitcher-sunset",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/3Cct7ZWmxHNAtLgBTqjC5v",
"rss": "https://snap.feed.snapjudgment.org/"
}
},
"soldout": {
"id": "soldout",
"title": "SOLD OUT: Rethinking Housing in America",
"tagline": "A new future for housing",
"info": "Sold Out: Rethinking Housing in America",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Sold-Out-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Sold Out: Rethinking Housing in America",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/soldout",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 13
},
"link": "/podcasts/soldout",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/911586047/s-o-l-d-o-u-t-a-new-future-for-housing",
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/introducing-sold-out-rethinking-housing-in-america/id1531354937",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/soldout",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/38dTBSk2ISFoPiyYNoKn1X",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/sold-out-rethinking-housing-in-america",
"tunein": "https://tunein.com/radio/SOLD-OUT-Rethinking-Housing-in-America-p1365871/"
}
},
"spooked": {
"id": "spooked",
"title": "Spooked",
"tagline": "True-life supernatural stories",
"info": "",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Spooked-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Spooked",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://spookedpodcast.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 7
},
"link": "https://spookedpodcast.org/",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spooked/id1279361017",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/549547848/snap-judgment-presents-spooked",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/76571Rfl3m7PLJQZKQIGCT",
"rss": "https://feeds.simplecast.com/TBotaapn"
}
},
"tech-nation": {
"id": "tech-nation",
"title": "Tech Nation Radio Podcast",
"info": "Tech Nation is a weekly public radio program, hosted by Dr. Moira Gunn. Founded in 1993, it has grown from a simple interview show to a multi-faceted production, featuring conversations with noted technology and science leaders, and a weekly science and technology-related commentary.",
"airtime": "FRI 10pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Tech-Nation-Radio-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://technation.podomatic.com/",
"meta": {
"site": "science",
"source": "Tech Nation Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/tech-nation",
"subscribe": {
"rss": "https://technation.podomatic.com/rss2.xml"
}
},
"ted-radio-hour": {
"id": "ted-radio-hour",
"title": "TED Radio Hour",
"info": "The TED Radio Hour is a journey through fascinating ideas, astonishing inventions, fresh approaches to old problems, and new ways to think and create.",
"airtime": "SUN 3pm-4pm, SAT 10pm-11pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/tedRadioHour.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/?showDate=2018-06-22",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/ted-radio-hour",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/8vsS",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=523121474&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/TED-Radio-Hour-p418021/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510298/podcast.xml"
}
},
"thebay": {
"id": "thebay",
"title": "The Bay",
"tagline": "Local news to keep you rooted",
"info": "Host Devin Katayama walks you through the biggest story of the day with reporters and newsmakers.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Bay-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The Bay",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/thebay",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 2
},
"link": "/podcasts/thebay",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bay/id1350043452",
"amazon": "https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/d800ea4c-7a2c-42f2-b861-edaf78a5db0b/the-bay",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/586725995/the-bay",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/the-bay",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/4BIKBKIujizLHlIlBNaAqQ",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC8259786327"
}
},
"thelatest": {
"id": "thelatest",
"title": "The Latest",
"tagline": "Trusted local news in real time",
"info": "",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/The-Latest-2025-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The Latest",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/thelatest",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 6
},
"link": "/thelatest",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-latest-from-kqed/id1197721799",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/1257949365/the-latest-from-k-q-e-d",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/5KIIXMgM9GTi5AepwOYvIZ?si=bd3053fec7244dba",
"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC9137121918"
}
},
"theleap": {
"id": "theleap",
"title": "The Leap",
"tagline": "What if you closed your eyes, and jumped?",
"info": "Stories about people making dramatic, risky changes, told by award-winning public radio reporter Judy Campbell.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Leap-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED The Leap",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/theleap",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 17
},
"link": "/podcasts/theleap",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-leap/id1046668171",
"npr": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/447248267/the-leap",
"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/the-leap",
"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/3sSlVHHzU0ytLwuGs1SD1U",
"rss": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/programs/the-leap/feed/podcast"
}
},
"the-moth-radio-hour": {
"id": "the-moth-radio-hour",
"title": "The Moth Radio Hour",
"info": "Since its launch in 1997, The Moth has presented thousands of true stories, told live and without notes, to standing-room-only crowds worldwide. Moth storytellers stand alone, under a spotlight, with only a microphone and a roomful of strangers. The storyteller and the audience embark on a high-wire act of shared experience which is both terrifying and exhilarating. Since 2008, The Moth podcast has featured many of our favorite stories told live on Moth stages around the country. For information on all of our programs and live events, visit themoth.org.",
"airtime": "SAT 8pm-9pm and SUN 11am-12pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/theMoth.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://themoth.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "arts",
"source": "prx"
},
"link": "/radio/program/the-moth-radio-hour",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-moth-podcast/id275699983?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/The-Moth-p273888/",
"rss": "http://feeds.themoth.org/themothpodcast"
}
},
"the-new-yorker-radio-hour": {
"id": "the-new-yorker-radio-hour",
"title": "The New Yorker Radio Hour",
"info": "The New Yorker Radio Hour is a weekly program presented by the magazine's editor, David Remnick, and produced by WNYC Studios and The New Yorker. Each episode features a diverse mix of interviews, profiles, storytelling, and an occasional burst of humor inspired by the magazine, and shaped by its writers, artists, and editors. This isn't a radio version of a magazine, but something all its own, reflecting the rich possibilities of audio storytelling and conversation. Theme music for the show was composed and performed by Merrill Garbus of tUnE-YArDs.",
"airtime": "SAT 10am-11am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-New-Yorker-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/tnyradiohour",
"meta": {
"site": "arts",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/the-new-yorker-radio-hour",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1050430296",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/New-Yorker-Radio-Hour-p803804/",
"rss": "https://feeds.feedburner.com/newyorkerradiohour"
}
},
"the-sam-sanders-show": {
"id": "the-sam-sanders-show",
"title": "The Sam Sanders Show",
"info": "One of public radio's most dynamic voices, Sam Sanders helped launch The NPR Politics Podcast and hosted NPR's hit show It's Been A Minute. Now, the award-winning host returns with something brand new, The Sam Sanders Show. Every week, Sam Sanders and friends dig into the culture that shapes our lives: what's driving the biggest trends, how artists really think, and even the memes you can't stop scrolling past. Sam is beloved for his way of unpacking the world and bringing you up close to fresh currents and engaging conversations. The Sam Sanders Show is smart, funny and always a good time.",
"airtime": "FRI 12-1pm AND SAT 11am-12pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/The-Sam-Sanders-Show-Podcast-Tile-400x400-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.kcrw.com/shows/the-sam-sanders-show/latest",
"meta": {
"site": "arts",
"source": "KCRW"
},
"link": "https://www.kcrw.com/shows/the-sam-sanders-show/latest",
"subscribe": {
"rss": "https://feed.cdnstream1.com/zjb/feed/download/ac/28/59/ac28594c-e1d0-4231-8728-61865cdc80e8.xml"
}
},
"the-splendid-table": {
"id": "the-splendid-table",
"title": "The Splendid Table",
"info": "\u003cem>The Splendid Table\u003c/em> hosts our nation's conversations about cooking, sustainability and food culture.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Splendid-Table-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.splendidtable.org/",
"airtime": "SUN 10-11 pm",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/the-splendid-table"
},
"this-american-life": {
"id": "this-american-life",
"title": "This American Life",
"info": "This American Life is a weekly public radio show, heard by 2.2 million people on more than 500 stations. Another 2.5 million people download the weekly podcast. It is hosted by Ira Glass, produced in collaboration with Chicago Public Media, delivered to stations by PRX The Public Radio Exchange, and has won all of the major broadcasting awards.",
"airtime": "SAT 12pm-1pm, 7pm-8pm",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/thisAmericanLife.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.thisamericanlife.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "wbez"
},
"link": "/radio/program/this-american-life",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=201671138&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"rss": "https://www.thisamericanlife.org/podcast/rss.xml"
}
},
"tinydeskradio": {
"id": "tinydeskradio",
"title": "Tiny Desk Radio",
"info": "We're bringing the best of Tiny Desk to the airwaves, only on public radio.",
"airtime": "SUN 8pm and SAT 9pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/300x300-For-Member-Station-Logo-Tiny-Desk-Radio-@2x.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/series/g-s1-52030/tiny-desk-radio",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/tinydeskradio",
"subscribe": {
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/g-s1-52030/rss.xml"
}
},
"wait-wait-dont-tell-me": {
"id": "wait-wait-dont-tell-me",
"title": "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!",
"info": "Peter Sagal and Bill Kurtis host the weekly NPR News quiz show alongside some of the best and brightest news and entertainment personalities.",
"airtime": "SUN 10am-11am, SAT 11am-12pm, SAT 6pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Wait-Wait-Podcast-Tile-300x300-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/wait-wait-dont-tell-me/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/wait-wait-dont-tell-me",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/Xogv",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=121493804&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/Wait-Wait-Dont-Tell-Me-p46/",
"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/344098539/podcast.xml"
}
},
"weekend-edition-saturday": {
"id": "weekend-edition-saturday",
"title": "Weekend Edition Saturday",
"info": "Weekend Edition Saturday wraps up the week's news and offers a mix of analysis and features on a wide range of topics, including arts, sports, entertainment, and human interest stories. The two-hour program is hosted by NPR's Peabody Award-winning Scott Simon.",
"airtime": "SAT 5am-10am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Weekend-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/weekend-edition-saturday/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/weekend-edition-saturday"
},
"weekend-edition-sunday": {
"id": "weekend-edition-sunday",
"title": "Weekend Edition Sunday",
"info": "Weekend Edition Sunday features interviews with newsmakers, artists, scientists, politicians, musicians, writers, theologians and historians. The program has covered news events from Nelson Mandela's 1990 release from a South African prison to the capture of Saddam Hussein.",
"airtime": "SUN 5am-10am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Weekend-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/weekend-edition-sunday/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/weekend-edition-sunday"
}
},
"racesReducer": {},
"racesGenElectionReducer": {},
"racesGenElection2026Reducer": {},
"radioSchedulesReducer": {},
"listsReducer": {
"posts/pop?tag=victoria": {
"isFetching": false,
"latestQuery": {
"from": 12,
"size": 12
},
"vitalsOnly": false,
"totalRequested": 12,
"isLoading": false,
"isLoadingMore": true,
"total": {
"value": 26,
"relation": "eq"
},
"items": [
"pop_97771",
"pop_97769",
"pop_97767",
"pop_96981",
"pop_96652",
"pop_96435",
"pop_68220",
"pop_56546",
"pop_56544",
"pop_63683",
"pop_56540",
"pop_56538"
],
"complete": true
}
},
"recallGuideReducer": {
"intros": {},
"policy": {},
"candidates": {}
},
"savedArticleReducer": {
"articles": [],
"status": {}
},
"newslettersReducer": {
"isFetching": false,
"fetchFailed": false,
"hasFetched": false,
"newsletters": {},
"isSubscribing": false,
"isUnsubscribing": false,
"subscribedNewsletters": {}
},
"termsReducer": {
"about": {
"name": "About",
"type": "terms",
"id": "about",
"slug": "about",
"link": "/about",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"arts": {
"name": "Arts & Culture",
"grouping": [
"arts",
"pop",
"trulyca"
],
"description": "KQED Arts provides daily in-depth coverage of the Bay Area's music, art, film, performing arts, literature and arts news, as well as cultural commentary and criticism.",
"type": "terms",
"id": "arts",
"slug": "arts",
"link": "/arts",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"artschool": {
"name": "Art School",
"parent": "arts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "artschool",
"slug": "artschool",
"link": "/artschool",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"bayareabites": {
"name": "KQED food",
"grouping": [
"food",
"bayareabites",
"checkplease"
],
"parent": "food",
"type": "terms",
"id": "bayareabites",
"slug": "bayareabites",
"link": "/food",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"bayareahiphop": {
"name": "Bay Area Hiphop",
"type": "terms",
"id": "bayareahiphop",
"slug": "bayareahiphop",
"link": "/bayareahiphop",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"campaign21": {
"name": "Campaign 21",
"type": "terms",
"id": "campaign21",
"slug": "campaign21",
"link": "/campaign21",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"careers": {
"name": "Careers",
"type": "terms",
"id": "careers",
"slug": "careers",
"link": "/careers",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"checkplease": {
"name": "KQED food",
"grouping": [
"food",
"bayareabites",
"checkplease"
],
"parent": "food",
"type": "terms",
"id": "checkplease",
"slug": "checkplease",
"link": "/food",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"education": {
"name": "Education",
"grouping": [
"education"
],
"type": "terms",
"id": "education",
"slug": "education",
"link": "/education",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"elections": {
"name": "Elections",
"type": "terms",
"id": "elections",
"slug": "elections",
"link": "/elections",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"events": {
"name": "Events",
"type": "terms",
"id": "events",
"slug": "events",
"link": "/events",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"event": {
"name": "Event",
"alias": "events",
"type": "terms",
"id": "event",
"slug": "event",
"link": "/event",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"filmschoolshorts": {
"name": "Film School Shorts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "filmschoolshorts",
"slug": "filmschoolshorts",
"link": "/filmschoolshorts",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"food": {
"name": "KQED food",
"grouping": [
"food",
"bayareabites",
"checkplease"
],
"type": "terms",
"id": "food",
"slug": "food",
"link": "/food",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"forum": {
"name": "Forum",
"relatedContentQuery": "posts/forum?",
"parent": "news",
"type": "terms",
"id": "forum",
"slug": "forum",
"link": "/forum",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"futureofyou": {
"name": "Future of You",
"grouping": [
"science",
"futureofyou"
],
"parent": "science",
"type": "terms",
"id": "futureofyou",
"slug": "futureofyou",
"link": "/futureofyou",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"jpepinheart": {
"name": "KQED food",
"relatedContentQuery": "posts/food,bayareabites,checkplease",
"parent": "food",
"type": "terms",
"id": "jpepinheart",
"slug": "jpepinheart",
"link": "/food",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"liveblog": {
"name": "Live Blog",
"type": "terms",
"id": "liveblog",
"slug": "liveblog",
"link": "/liveblog",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"livetv": {
"name": "Live TV",
"parent": "tv",
"type": "terms",
"id": "livetv",
"slug": "livetv",
"link": "/livetv",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"lowdown": {
"name": "The Lowdown",
"relatedContentQuery": "posts/lowdown?",
"parent": "news",
"type": "terms",
"id": "lowdown",
"slug": "lowdown",
"link": "/lowdown",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"mindshift": {
"name": "Mindshift",
"parent": "news",
"description": "MindShift explores the future of education by highlighting the innovative – and sometimes counterintuitive – ways educators and parents are helping all children succeed.",
"type": "terms",
"id": "mindshift",
"slug": "mindshift",
"link": "/mindshift",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"news": {
"name": "News",
"grouping": [
"news",
"forum"
],
"type": "terms",
"id": "news",
"slug": "news",
"link": "/news",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"newsletters": {
"name": "newsletters",
"type": "terms",
"id": "newsletters",
"slug": "newsletters",
"link": "/newsletters",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"perspectives": {
"name": "Perspectives",
"parent": "radio",
"type": "terms",
"id": "perspectives",
"slug": "perspectives",
"link": "/perspectives",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"podcasts": {
"name": "Podcasts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "podcasts",
"slug": "podcasts",
"link": "/podcasts",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"pop": {
"name": "Pop",
"parent": "arts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop",
"slug": "pop",
"link": "/pop",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"pressroom": {
"name": "Pressroom",
"type": "terms",
"id": "pressroom",
"slug": "pressroom",
"link": "/pressroom",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"quest": {
"name": "Quest",
"parent": "science",
"type": "terms",
"id": "quest",
"slug": "quest",
"link": "/quest",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"radio": {
"name": "Radio",
"grouping": [
"forum",
"perspectives"
],
"description": "Listen to KQED Public Radio – home of Forum and The California Report – on 88.5 FM in San Francisco, 89.3 FM in Sacramento, 88.3 FM in Santa Rosa and 88.1 FM in Martinez.",
"type": "terms",
"id": "radio",
"slug": "radio",
"link": "/radio",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"root": {
"name": "KQED",
"image": "https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png",
"imageWidth": 1200,
"imageHeight": 630,
"headData": {
"title": "KQED | News, Radio, Podcasts, TV | Public Media for Northern California",
"description": "KQED provides public radio, television, and independent reporting on issues that matter to the Bay Area. We’re the NPR and PBS member station for Northern California."
},
"type": "terms",
"id": "root",
"slug": "root",
"link": "/root",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"science": {
"name": "Science",
"grouping": [
"science",
"futureofyou"
],
"description": "KQED Science brings you award-winning science and environment coverage from the Bay Area and beyond.",
"type": "terms",
"id": "science",
"slug": "science",
"link": "/science",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"stateofhealth": {
"name": "State of Health",
"parent": "science",
"type": "terms",
"id": "stateofhealth",
"slug": "stateofhealth",
"link": "/stateofhealth",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"support": {
"name": "Support",
"type": "terms",
"id": "support",
"slug": "support",
"link": "/support",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"thedolist": {
"name": "The Do List",
"parent": "arts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "thedolist",
"slug": "thedolist",
"link": "/thedolist",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"trulyca": {
"name": "Truly CA",
"grouping": [
"arts",
"pop",
"trulyca"
],
"parent": "arts",
"type": "terms",
"id": "trulyca",
"slug": "trulyca",
"link": "/trulyca",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"tv": {
"name": "TV",
"type": "terms",
"id": "tv",
"slug": "tv",
"link": "/tv",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"voterguide": {
"name": "Voter Guide",
"parent": "elections",
"alias": "elections",
"type": "terms",
"id": "voterguide",
"slug": "voterguide",
"link": "/voterguide",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"guiaelectoral": {
"name": "Guia Electoral",
"parent": "elections",
"alias": "elections",
"type": "terms",
"id": "guiaelectoral",
"slug": "guiaelectoral",
"link": "/guiaelectoral",
"taxonomy": "site"
},
"pop_tag_victoria": {
"isLoading": true
},
"pop_2931": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_2931",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "2931",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Victoria",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Victoria Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 2931,
"slug": "victoria",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/victoria"
},
"pop_3": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_3",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "3",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "TV",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "category",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "TV Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 3,
"slug": "tv",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/category/tv"
},
"pop_8": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_8",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "8",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "recaps",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "recaps Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 8,
"slug": "recaps",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/recaps"
},
"pop_9": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_9",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "9",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Downton Abbey",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Downton Abbey Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 9,
"slug": "downton-abbey",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/downton-abbey"
},
"pop_3088": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_3088",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "3088",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Drama World Series",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Drama World Series Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 3088,
"slug": "drama-world-series",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/drama-world-series"
},
"pop_2905": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_2905",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "2905",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Poldark",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Poldark Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 2905,
"slug": "poldark",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/poldark"
},
"pop_407": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_407",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "407",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "Sherlock",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "Sherlock Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 407,
"slug": "sherlock",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/sherlock"
},
"pop_1100": {
"type": "terms",
"id": "pop_1100",
"meta": {
"index": "terms_1716263798",
"site": "pop",
"id": "1100",
"found": true
},
"relationships": {},
"featImg": null,
"name": "history",
"description": null,
"taxonomy": "tag",
"headData": {
"twImgId": null,
"twTitle": null,
"ogTitle": null,
"ogImgId": null,
"twDescription": null,
"description": null,
"title": "history Archives | KQED Arts",
"ogDescription": null
},
"ttid": 1101,
"slug": "history",
"isLoading": false,
"link": "/pop/tag/history"
}
},
"userPermissionsReducer": {
"wpLoggedIn": false
},
"eventsReducer": {},
"fssReducer": {},
"tvDailyScheduleReducer": {},
"tvWeeklyScheduleReducer": {},
"tvPrimetimeScheduleReducer": {},
"tvMonthlyScheduleReducer": {},
"userAccountReducer": {
"user": {
"email": null,
"emailStatus": "EMAIL_UNVALIDATED",
"loggedStatus": "LOGGED_OUT",
"loggingChecked": false,
"articles": [],
"firstName": null,
"lastName": null,
"phoneNumber": null,
"fetchingMembership": false,
"membershipError": false,
"memberships": [
{
"id": null,
"startDate": null,
"firstName": null,
"lastName": null,
"familyNumber": null,
"memberNumber": null,
"memberSince": null,
"expirationDate": null,
"pfsEligible": false,
"isSustaining": false,
"membershipLevel": "Prospect",
"membershipStatus": "Non Member",
"lastGiftDate": null,
"renewalDate": null,
"lastDonationAmount": null
}
]
},
"authModal": {
"isOpen": false,
"view": "LANDING_VIEW"
},
"error": null
},
"youthMediaReducer": {},
"checkPleaseReducer": {
"filterData": {
"region": {
"key": "Restaurant Region",
"filters": [
"Any Region"
]
},
"cuisine": {
"key": "Restaurant Cuisine",
"filters": [
"Any Cuisine"
]
}
},
"restaurantDataById": {},
"restaurantIdsSorted": [],
"error": null
},
"userAgentReducer": {
"userAgent": "Mozilla/5.0 AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko; compatible; ClaudeBot/1.0; +claudebot@anthropic.com)",
"isBot": true
}
}
