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"content": "\u003cp>Our episode starts with a blinged-out, bored Victoria riding around town. Some people gather to watch her carriage pass:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60155\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 1.51.04 PM\" width=\"597\" height=\"579\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png 597w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-160x155.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-240x233.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-375x364.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-520x504.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-32x32.png 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 597px) 100vw, 597px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, elsewhere, a much larger crowd gathers to protest:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60156\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 1.50.51 PM\" width=\"588\" height=\"578\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png 588w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-160x157.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-240x236.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-375x369.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-520x511.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-64x64.png 64w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 588px) 100vw, 588px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"One Man, One Vote,\" the signs read. A reasonable request, right? Apparently not; soldiers aim rifles at the protestors, yell \"In the name of the Queen! Fire!!!\" and shoot everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/f8a.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60157\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/f8a.gif\" alt=\"f8a\" width=\"355\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Victoria and Lord M agree that Queen Elizabeth I had it all figured out by staying single forever. Marriage just leads to unhappiness, divorce, or getting cuckolded by Lord Byron, so why bother?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria's uncle on her mother's side, Leopold, arrives to say passive-aggressive things about her height (we get it! she's short!) and how he would be living in Buckingham Palace if his wife hadn't died during childbirth (she preceded Victoria in the line of succession). For a country known for its stuffy manners, these people sure don't have any.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom doesn't waste any time conspiring with her brother about making Victoria marry their other sibling's son, Albert. If you're following along, yes, that means Albert is Victoria's first cousin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gross5_zps43ad1395.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60167\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gross5_zps43ad1395.gif\" alt=\"gross5_zps43ad1395\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/raw.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/raw.gif\" alt=\"raw\" width=\"244\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60169\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (1)\" width=\"310\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Disgusted-Grandma.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60166\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Disgusted-Grandma.gif\" alt=\"Disgusted-Grandma\" width=\"389\" height=\"221\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And before you leave a comment, yes, I'm aware that this sort of thing occurs often in royal families to keep alliances strong, but it doesn't make the fact that Victoria and Albert share the same grandparents any less gross.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Never one to miss an opportunity to beat a dead horse, Sir John randomly chimes in from the sidelines: \"YOU NEED A HUSBAND!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries.gif\" alt=\"Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria announces that they can continue discussing how she's nothing without a husband, but that she has to go govern now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar is upset that he's not the only power-hungry uncle around. Scar's wife has a solution: why doesn't Uncle Scar try to make Victoria marry George, one of the first cousins on her father's side?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1456.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60173\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1456.gif\" alt=\"1456\" width=\"350\" height=\"263\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M finds Victoria to tell her two things:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Ew! Your first cousin?!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Some starving poor people are protesting for their civil rights and getting shot.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>Victoria is like, \u003cem>Oh, that's weird. Anyway, I can't wait to dance with you at the opera tonight! \u003c/em>Somewhere, Marie Antoinette's headless ghost is floating around, wailing, \u003cem>You chop off my head for wanting to share some cake, but she gets away with this? Come on!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants pick sides -- #TeamRussianGroper, #TeamCousinAlbert, #TeamCousinGeorge, #TeamLordM -- and place bets. They're all wrong. \u003ca href=\"http://foreveryoungadult.com/_uploads/images2/gilmoregirlsjessandrory.jpg\">#TeamJess\u003c/a> all the way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the opera, Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over Victoria with mean looks, while Leopold creepily stalks Victoria through binoculars.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the performance, Uncle Leopold threatens Victoria with the idea that, if she doesn't take the safe, incestuous choice with Albert and instead marries Lord M, protestors will burn everything to the ground and probably kill her. Victoria obliterates him back into his proper place with this royal clapback:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I think you forget that I'm of a royal line that stretches back 1,000 years, whilst you're the king of Belgium, a country that did not exist a decade ago.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/xgz9nkR.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60181\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/xgz9nkR.gif\" alt=\"xgz9nkR\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, lead maid Ms. Jenkins gets an upsetting note from her sister, but doesn't want to talk about it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (Dear \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers, you don't have to force a \"downstairs\" narrative in an attempt to be \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>. You'll never be \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>, and that's okay.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria and Lord M trot around on horseback, talking about boys. The verdict: Russian Groper is hot and gets what it's like to be a spoiled royal, but is he too foreign? As for Cousin George, he's the worst, but an incestuous English marriage would be super popular with the people. Decisions, decisions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You know who else is English? Lord M! He and Victoria stop just short of winking at each other and licking their lips. (Fun fact: in real life, Lord M was 40 YEARS OLDER than Victoria, and they didn't like each other in that way. But reality makes for dull television, so here we are.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, Victoria's mom complains to her brother about how poor she feels and asks for money. He quickly delivers a NOPE, reminds her she lives in a frickin' palace, and recommends she dump Sir John and get back on Victoria's good side. Victoria's mom blinks slowly and responds, \u003cem>No, but for real, can I borrow ten dollars?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sometime later, Victoria is out in public to unveil a monument to her dead father. There are more soldiers than usual because the protestors are gaining steam. Some are even talking about pushing for women's right to vote. At this idea, Victoria laughs, \"Now, you are teasing me!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60182\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500\" width=\"340\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over who gets to help Victoria ascend a single small step. Victoria doesn't need help though; as we learned last week, her new rebel move is to confront staircases without holding onto people. You go, girl!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The moment she unveils the monument, protestors erupt in shouts and Victoria is whisked away to safety. Leopold pops up out of nowhere to remind Lord M that he's old and should stop flirting with his niece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria plays with Lord M's telescope (this is not a dirty euphemism), while, across town, Lord M holds important papers and stares off into the distance. They're basically reenacting this scene, but with way more sexual tension:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_iRdgGZ6Xc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the Italian chef is losing his hotness by the syllable, as he badgers Babyface Maid over her mysterious past. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (Again, \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers, we don't care about these forced B plots.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, spooked by his conversation with Leopold, Lord M stays away from Buckingham Palace, but Victoria, not well-versed in play-hard-to-get or he's-just-not-that-into-you, jumps in an unmarked carriage and goes to his house. Their interaction goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Victoria: \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-3.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60191\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60192\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"170\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/hair-push-back.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60193\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/hair-push-back.gif\" alt=\"hair-push-back\" width=\"500\" height=\"244\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-4.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60194\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"giphy (4)\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong> Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60196\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210.gif\" alt=\"Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210\" width=\"500\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60195\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif.gif\" alt=\"mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif\" width=\"640\" height=\"358\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens up about how she thought Lord M was just a replacement father figure, but that she realized she wants him to be her daddy, in a sexual sense, too! Lord M says he can't do that because he's super busy being sad about his cheating, dead wife for the rest of his life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60197\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a.gif\" alt=\"be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria changes up her look (because nothing helps one get over a breakup more than a fierce makeover).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60199\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 5.09.27 PM\" width=\"750\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png 750w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-160x83.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-240x124.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-375x194.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-520x269.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Violet_come_through.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60200\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Violet_come_through.gif\" alt=\"Violet_come_through\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A bunch of dignitaries arrive for a ball in Leopold's honor. Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over who will dance with Victoria first. Victoria chooses Russian Groper because hotness trumps foreignness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some hallway, Babyface Maid gets Mrs. Jenkins to spill on that letter she received from her sister. Turns out she has a nephew, whom she hasn't seen in a long while because servants don't get PTO privileges. He always said he would come visit her and he's finally coming to London....\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60208\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500\" width=\"495\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>... \"to be hanged and then to be cut open while he's still alive.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/brit-omg.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60209\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/brit-omg.gif\" alt=\"brit omg\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turns out he was part of the protesting movement. WOMP.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the ballroom, Lord M asks for a dance, even though he just stomped on Victoria's daddy-issue-filled heart. He brings up the relationship Queen Elizabeth I had with the Earl of Leicester. Like their situation, it was a will-they-won't-they, forbidden love thing that involved a dead wife. Victoria imagines the point of this story is to say, \u003cem>Screw it! Let's French kiss like it's 1559!\u003c/em> But his point is actually,\u003cem> I'm still just not that into you. Also: did you know I had a wife who cheated on me with Lord Byron?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next up in the dancing request line: Sir John, who spends the entire song telling Victoria she needs to snag a husband to \"keep her behavior in check\" and pop out some babies already. Get some new material, dude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Russian Groper gives Victoria a fancy gift with their initials spelled out in diamonds, and then announces that he's going back to Russia to marry some princess his dad picked out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/huh-what.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60210\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/huh-what.gif\" alt=\"huh-what\" width=\"250\" height=\"203\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for #TeamRussianGroper.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Uncle Scar's pad, he's still grumpy over being a 67-year-old heir, who'll probably never be King. His wife cheers him up: \"Remember, even healthy women can die in childbirth!\" Wow. I feel really bad for \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederica_of_Mecklenburg-Strelitz\">the real-life woman\u003c/a> this character is based on. After a cursory dive into her Wikipedia page, I declare that this depiction is unfair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Victoria tells Mrs. Jenkins and Babyface Maid that she wishes she was a man because corsets suck. They both put up praise hands and say, \u003cem>Amen! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Jenkins falls down for no reason and asks to be excused. Victoria is like, \u003cem>What's her damage? \u003c/em>Babyface Maid spills all the details about Mrs. Jenkins' nephew and how most non-royals think the punishment for protesting should be a bit more lenient than being sliced up and gutted. Victoria is like, \u003cem>Hmmmmm, maybe!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds Lord M and says she wants to sign a petition on whitehouse.gov or something to save the protestors' lives. He's like, \u003cem>Ummm, you're the Queen. You can just commute their sentences and set them up with new lives in Australia.\u003c/em> She's like, \u003cem>Cool, we'll do that, then!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a roll, Victoria runs off to take care of another bit of business. She informs Sir John and her mom that she will grant Sir John's request for money and a title in exchange for disappearing forever and ever. Shocked, Victoria's mom turns to Sir John to find out if he's really willing to drop her for a few coins. Sir John's response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20781\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"kanye shrug gif\" width=\"464\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria tries to make amends with her mother: \u003cem>Hey, sorry about sending away your best friend / maybe lover and for humiliating your cancer-stricken friend and speeding up her death. Here's some fancy lace and a bigger allowance. We cool? \u003c/em>Victoria's mom decides that they are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria is painting a portrait of Elizabeth I. She tells Lord M she's decided to take a page from the former Queen's playbook and be single forever, while getting some on the side (*wink*). For the hundredth time, Lord M turns her down and tells her to maybe consider marrying her cousin Albert. This Albert better be hot, geez.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, Victoria is playing a dramatic song on the piano, while everyone sits around her, pretending not to be bored. Cut to two men descending stairs. Their boots have tassels on them. Their faces have mustaches on them. They walk in and everyone stands, but Victoria is too focused on her music to notice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert (rudely, in my opinion) walks up and distracts her mid-concerto. He says her name. With her eyes, she says, \u003cem>UM, WOAH, TOTALLY COOL WITH THIS MARRIAGE THING NOW.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/omy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60220\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/omy.gif\" alt=\"omy\" width=\"327\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Russian Groper. \u003c/strong>What a tease!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Victoria's Mom. \u003c/strong>Losing all your friends and being left with a daughter who hates you must be tough. Here's a pity prize to go with the fancy lace.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003cstrong>The Protestors. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>What do they want? Basic voting rights! When do they want it? Preferably before they all die of starvation! Keep fighting, comrades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> Elizabeth I. \u003c/strong>For inspiring independent women that they don't need a man (unless he's super-duper hot).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: \u003cstrong>Mrs. Jenkins' Nephew's Guts. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>They get to stay inside of him! Yay!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Victoria vows to be single forever (unless a really hot guy comes along).",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Our episode starts with a blinged-out, bored Victoria riding around town. Some people gather to watch her carriage pass:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60155\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 1.51.04 PM\" width=\"597\" height=\"579\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM.png 597w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-160x155.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-240x233.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-375x364.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-520x504.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.51.04-PM-32x32.png 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 597px) 100vw, 597px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But, elsewhere, a much larger crowd gathers to protest:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60156\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 1.50.51 PM\" width=\"588\" height=\"578\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM.png 588w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-160x157.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-240x236.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-375x369.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-520x511.png 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-32x32.png 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-50x50.png 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-1.50.51-PM-64x64.png 64w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 588px) 100vw, 588px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"One Man, One Vote,\" the signs read. A reasonable request, right? Apparently not; soldiers aim rifles at the protestors, yell \"In the name of the Queen! Fire!!!\" and shoot everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/f8a.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60157\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/f8a.gif\" alt=\"f8a\" width=\"355\" height=\"186\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at Buckingham Palace, Victoria and Lord M agree that Queen Elizabeth I had it all figured out by staying single forever. Marriage just leads to unhappiness, divorce, or getting cuckolded by Lord Byron, so why bother?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria's uncle on her mother's side, Leopold, arrives to say passive-aggressive things about her height (we get it! she's short!) and how he would be living in Buckingham Palace if his wife hadn't died during childbirth (she preceded Victoria in the line of succession). For a country known for its stuffy manners, these people sure don't have any.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom doesn't waste any time conspiring with her brother about making Victoria marry their other sibling's son, Albert. If you're following along, yes, that means Albert is Victoria's first cousin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gross5_zps43ad1395.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60167\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gross5_zps43ad1395.gif\" alt=\"gross5_zps43ad1395\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/raw.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/raw.gif\" alt=\"raw\" width=\"244\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60169\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy (1)\" width=\"310\" height=\"205\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Disgusted-Grandma.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60166\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Disgusted-Grandma.gif\" alt=\"Disgusted-Grandma\" width=\"389\" height=\"221\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And before you leave a comment, yes, I'm aware that this sort of thing occurs often in royal families to keep alliances strong, but it doesn't make the fact that Victoria and Albert share the same grandparents any less gross.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Never one to miss an opportunity to beat a dead horse, Sir John randomly chimes in from the sidelines: \"YOU NEED A HUSBAND!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries.gif\" alt=\"Anne-Hathaway-Needs-Everyone-To-Shut-Up-In-Disneys-The-Princess-Diaries\" width=\"500\" height=\"265\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria announces that they can continue discussing how she's nothing without a husband, but that she has to go govern now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60172\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mx3npl6PjH1qfh70bo4_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar is upset that he's not the only power-hungry uncle around. Scar's wife has a solution: why doesn't Uncle Scar try to make Victoria marry George, one of the first cousins on her father's side?!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1456.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60173\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1456.gif\" alt=\"1456\" width=\"350\" height=\"263\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Lord M finds Victoria to tell her two things:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>Ew! Your first cousin?!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>Some starving poor people are protesting for their civil rights and getting shot.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>Victoria is like, \u003cem>Oh, that's weird. Anyway, I can't wait to dance with you at the opera tonight! \u003c/em>Somewhere, Marie Antoinette's headless ghost is floating around, wailing, \u003cem>You chop off my head for wanting to share some cake, but she gets away with this? Come on!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the servants pick sides -- #TeamRussianGroper, #TeamCousinAlbert, #TeamCousinGeorge, #TeamLordM -- and place bets. They're all wrong. \u003ca href=\"http://foreveryoungadult.com/_uploads/images2/gilmoregirlsjessandrory.jpg\">#TeamJess\u003c/a> all the way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the opera, Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over Victoria with mean looks, while Leopold creepily stalks Victoria through binoculars.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the performance, Uncle Leopold threatens Victoria with the idea that, if she doesn't take the safe, incestuous choice with Albert and instead marries Lord M, protestors will burn everything to the ground and probably kill her. Victoria obliterates him back into his proper place with this royal clapback:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I think you forget that I'm of a royal line that stretches back 1,000 years, whilst you're the king of Belgium, a country that did not exist a decade ago.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/xgz9nkR.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60181\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/xgz9nkR.gif\" alt=\"xgz9nkR\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, lead maid Ms. Jenkins gets an upsetting note from her sister, but doesn't want to talk about it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (Dear \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers, you don't have to force a \"downstairs\" narrative in an attempt to be \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>. You'll never be \u003cem>Downton\u003c/em>, and that's okay.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria and Lord M trot around on horseback, talking about boys. The verdict: Russian Groper is hot and gets what it's like to be a spoiled royal, but is he too foreign? As for Cousin George, he's the worst, but an incestuous English marriage would be super popular with the people. Decisions, decisions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>You know who else is English? Lord M! He and Victoria stop just short of winking at each other and licking their lips. (Fun fact: in real life, Lord M was 40 YEARS OLDER than Victoria, and they didn't like each other in that way. But reality makes for dull television, so here we are.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, Victoria's mom complains to her brother about how poor she feels and asks for money. He quickly delivers a NOPE, reminds her she lives in a frickin' palace, and recommends she dump Sir John and get back on Victoria's good side. Victoria's mom blinks slowly and responds, \u003cem>No, but for real, can I borrow ten dollars?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sometime later, Victoria is out in public to unveil a monument to her dead father. There are more soldiers than usual because the protestors are gaining steam. Some are even talking about pushing for women's right to vote. At this idea, Victoria laughs, \"Now, you are teasing me!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60182\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_inline_ohfhx3b1UC1uqemwj_500\" width=\"340\" height=\"230\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over who gets to help Victoria ascend a single small step. Victoria doesn't need help though; as we learned last week, her new rebel move is to confront staircases without holding onto people. You go, girl!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The moment she unveils the monument, protestors erupt in shouts and Victoria is whisked away to safety. Leopold pops up out of nowhere to remind Lord M that he's old and should stop flirting with his niece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, Victoria plays with Lord M's telescope (this is not a dirty euphemism), while, across town, Lord M holds important papers and stares off into the distance. They're basically reenacting this scene, but with way more sexual tension:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/l_iRdgGZ6Xc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/l_iRdgGZ6Xc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Downstairs, the Italian chef is losing his hotness by the syllable, as he badgers Babyface Maid over her mysterious past. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (Again, \u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em> writers, we don't care about these forced B plots.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, spooked by his conversation with Leopold, Lord M stays away from Buckingham Palace, but Victoria, not well-versed in play-hard-to-get or he's-just-not-that-into-you, jumps in an unmarked carriage and goes to his house. Their interaction goes something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Victoria: \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-3.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60191\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-3.gif\" alt=\"giphy (3)\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60192\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mc5v5y3MTC1qgbguro5_250\" width=\"245\" height=\"170\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/hair-push-back.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60193\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/hair-push-back.gif\" alt=\"hair-push-back\" width=\"500\" height=\"244\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-4.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60194\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-4.gif\" alt=\"giphy (4)\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong> Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60196\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210.gif\" alt=\"Mean-Girls-mean-girls-25469651-500-210\" width=\"500\" height=\"210\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Lord M:\u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60195\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif.gif\" alt=\"mean-girls-11th-anniversary-gif\" width=\"640\" height=\"358\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens up about how she thought Lord M was just a replacement father figure, but that she realized she wants him to be her daddy, in a sexual sense, too! Lord M says he can't do that because he's super busy being sad about his cheating, dead wife for the rest of his life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60197\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a.gif\" alt=\"be3c452f34164db6001c8311f255138a\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria changes up her look (because nothing helps one get over a breakup more than a fierce makeover).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60199\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-22 at 5.09.27 PM\" width=\"750\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM.png 750w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-160x83.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-240x124.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-375x194.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-22-at-5.09.27-PM-520x269.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Violet_come_through.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60200\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Violet_come_through.gif\" alt=\"Violet_come_through\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A bunch of dignitaries arrive for a ball in Leopold's honor. Russian Groper and Cousin George fight over who will dance with Victoria first. Victoria chooses Russian Groper because hotness trumps foreignness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In some hallway, Babyface Maid gets Mrs. Jenkins to spill on that letter she received from her sister. Turns out she has a nephew, whom she hasn't seen in a long while because servants don't get PTO privileges. He always said he would come visit her and he's finally coming to London....\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60208\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_lsb8q8AmRS1r3v6f2o1_500\" width=\"495\" height=\"249\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>... \"to be hanged and then to be cut open while he's still alive.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/brit-omg.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60209\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/brit-omg.gif\" alt=\"brit omg\" width=\"500\" height=\"270\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Turns out he was part of the protesting movement. WOMP.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in the ballroom, Lord M asks for a dance, even though he just stomped on Victoria's daddy-issue-filled heart. He brings up the relationship Queen Elizabeth I had with the Earl of Leicester. Like their situation, it was a will-they-won't-they, forbidden love thing that involved a dead wife. Victoria imagines the point of this story is to say, \u003cem>Screw it! Let's French kiss like it's 1559!\u003c/em> But his point is actually,\u003cem> I'm still just not that into you. Also: did you know I had a wife who cheated on me with Lord Byron?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next up in the dancing request line: Sir John, who spends the entire song telling Victoria she needs to snag a husband to \"keep her behavior in check\" and pop out some babies already. Get some new material, dude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Russian Groper gives Victoria a fancy gift with their initials spelled out in diamonds, and then announces that he's going back to Russia to marry some princess his dad picked out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/huh-what.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60210\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/huh-what.gif\" alt=\"huh-what\" width=\"250\" height=\"203\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>So much for #TeamRussianGroper.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Uncle Scar's pad, he's still grumpy over being a 67-year-old heir, who'll probably never be King. His wife cheers him up: \"Remember, even healthy women can die in childbirth!\" Wow. I feel really bad for \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederica_of_Mecklenburg-Strelitz\">the real-life woman\u003c/a> this character is based on. After a cursory dive into her Wikipedia page, I declare that this depiction is unfair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Victoria tells Mrs. Jenkins and Babyface Maid that she wishes she was a man because corsets suck. They both put up praise hands and say, \u003cem>Amen! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Mrs. Jenkins falls down for no reason and asks to be excused. Victoria is like, \u003cem>What's her damage? \u003c/em>Babyface Maid spills all the details about Mrs. Jenkins' nephew and how most non-royals think the punishment for protesting should be a bit more lenient than being sliced up and gutted. Victoria is like, \u003cem>Hmmmmm, maybe!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds Lord M and says she wants to sign a petition on whitehouse.gov or something to save the protestors' lives. He's like, \u003cem>Ummm, you're the Queen. You can just commute their sentences and set them up with new lives in Australia.\u003c/em> She's like, \u003cem>Cool, we'll do that, then!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On a roll, Victoria runs off to take care of another bit of business. She informs Sir John and her mom that she will grant Sir John's request for money and a title in exchange for disappearing forever and ever. Shocked, Victoria's mom turns to Sir John to find out if he's really willing to drop her for a few coins. Sir John's response:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-5.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20781\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/giphy-5.gif\" alt=\"kanye shrug gif\" width=\"464\" height=\"264\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria tries to make amends with her mother: \u003cem>Hey, sorry about sending away your best friend / maybe lover and for humiliating your cancer-stricken friend and speeding up her death. Here's some fancy lace and a bigger allowance. We cool? \u003c/em>Victoria's mom decides that they are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria is painting a portrait of Elizabeth I. She tells Lord M she's decided to take a page from the former Queen's playbook and be single forever, while getting some on the side (*wink*). For the hundredth time, Lord M turns her down and tells her to maybe consider marrying her cousin Albert. This Albert better be hot, geez.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time later, Victoria is playing a dramatic song on the piano, while everyone sits around her, pretending not to be bored. Cut to two men descending stairs. Their boots have tassels on them. Their faces have mustaches on them. They walk in and everyone stands, but Victoria is too focused on her music to notice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Albert (rudely, in my opinion) walks up and distracts her mid-concerto. He says her name. With her eyes, she says, \u003cem>UM, WOAH, TOTALLY COOL WITH THIS MARRIAGE THING NOW.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/omy.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-60220\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/omy.gif\" alt=\"omy\" width=\"327\" height=\"259\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Russian Groper. \u003c/strong>What a tease!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Victoria's Mom. \u003c/strong>Losing all your friends and being left with a daughter who hates you must be tough. Here's a pity prize to go with the fancy lace.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: \u003cstrong>The Protestors. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>What do they want? Basic voting rights! When do they want it? Preferably before they all die of starvation! Keep fighting, comrades.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003c/strong>\u003cstrong> Elizabeth I. \u003c/strong>For inspiring independent women that they don't need a man (unless he's super-duper hot).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: \u003cstrong>Mrs. Jenkins' Nephew's Guts. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>They get to stay inside of him! Yay!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>Hi there! You might remember me from \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">Downton Abbey\u003c/a>\u003cem> or \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003cem> recaps of yore. Since those shows wrapped, I've felt a void in my spirit that can only be filled by PBS-approved British imports. So I'm going to try falling in love again; this time, with a show called \u003c/em>Victoria\u003cem>. I hope you'll join me. Let's do this!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pastel clouds greet a pleasant sunrise in the English countryside... but there's no time to appreciate that right now because there's a bunch of text on the screen! It's 1837, the year that daguerreotypes and \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em> became a thing. William IV is the king and apparently in some trouble. His niece Alexandrina is his heir.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, before we get any further, here are a few interesting things I found out about this William dude, after researching him for the past hour:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>He joined the Royal Navy at 13. While stationed in North America, George Washington tried to kidnap him!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Because William IV was so far down the line of succession (he was the third son of King George III), he decided \u003cem>Ah, screw it!\u003c/em>, shacked up with an actress with a bad reputation and had ten \"illegitimate\" kids. Get it, Willie!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>After the deaths of his father, both his older brothers, and his niece, he became an unexpected King at the ripe age of 64. Under his reign, slavery was abolished in nearly all of the British Empire and child labor was restricted. Huzzah for common decency!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>In his final months, William gave a blistering speech at a banquet about how much he hoped he wouldn't croak before his niece was of age, so that her no-good, sneaky mother wouldn't get her hands on the powers of the crown. Queen Victoria -- then Alexandrina -- burst into tears from shock. But she still thought fondly of him because he was kind of right.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>So that sets us up for what we're about to see. Back to the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A messenger arrives at Kensington Palace wearing a black armband. Our homeboy William IV is dead. Well, that was quick!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57689\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20.gif\" alt=\"giphy-20\" width=\"500\" height=\"324\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/The-African-Queen-GIF-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-57690\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/The-African-Queen-GIF-1.gif\" alt=\"the-african-queen-gif-1\" width=\"500\" height=\"363\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We hardly knew ye!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm more upset about his passing than anyone at this mansion is. Some dude named Sir John is basically like, \u003cem>Ugh, finally!\u003c/em> Alexandrina is so jazzed that she walks down a set of stairs WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO HER GOVERNESS.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After pretending to be bummed out about her dead uncle in front of the Archbishop for three seconds, she dances around the palace with her cute dog before heading to her room to blast the \"Bow down, b-tches!\" part of \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geEMtwkBZVk\">that Beyoncé song\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Sir John and her mother are already trying to take control, starting with the Queen's name. They both agree Alexandrina is way too ethnic and that her middle name Victoria is super lame. Elizabeth will do. Or Ann.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alexandrina interrupts: \u003cem>Um, guys? Sorry to interrupt your little planning sesh, but I just saw the Archbishop alone and I intend to handle my own business forever and ever without your help. Cool? Oh, and I went down a staircase without assistance earlier.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-21.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57705\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-21.gif\" alt=\"giphy-21\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir John and co. are horrified by the idea of a grown woman having opinions and making her own decisions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/IVVeY.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57706\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/IVVeY.gif\" alt=\"ivvey\" width=\"360\" height=\"288\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, randoms are gossiping about how they've heard Alexandrina's tongue is too big for her mouth. Burn books were so quaint back then.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the governess tries to hold a lesson with Alexandrina, who replies with a \u003cem>Meh, I know enough. \u003c/em>The governess is bummed that she is now obsolete and must return to her native Germany, but she is quickly promoted to household dictator. The governess gleefully runs to the downstairs kitchen to be rude to all the servants for no reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later in the day, Lord Melbourne, the Prime Minister, arrives to kick it with Alexandrina. Sir John intercepts him and gives a speech about how Alexandrina is a homeschooled weirdo and needs him to be in charge of her affairs. Lord Melbourne pulls one of these:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/diss.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-37158\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/diss.gif\" alt=\"chappelle show diss gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After some small talk about dolls and ugly, pumpkin-headed suitors, Lord Melbourne brings up Sir John's attempts at seizing control. Alexandrina delivers a quick and strong \u003cem>NOPE!\u003c/em> Melbourne then slyly tries to pull a fast one: \u003cem>TOTALLY, but reading stuff can be quite hard. Your itty-bitty lady brain wouldn't like it. Let me do it! \u003c/em>Alexandrina responds by throwing a Betty Friedan book at his face and burning a bra.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, okay, she didn't exactly react like that, but she did firmly say no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/picgifs-nope-400931.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57716\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/picgifs-nope-400931.gif\" alt=\"picgifs-nope-400931\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, a bunch of Lords assemble to kiss the new Queen's hand. But before all the germ-spreading can commence, Alexandrina must give a speech. Her jealous uncle -- who, like the jealous uncle in \u003cem>The Lion King\u003c/em>, has a huge scar on his face -- interrupts to say she isn't talking loud enough. So she turns the volume and the content way up: \u003cem>Because you all are sexist and ageist as hell, you don't think I'm going to do well. Watch me.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57724\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"238\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alexandrina goes to the balcony and proclaims herself Queen Victoria, a name change without which Prince may have never been referred to as \u003ca href=\"http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_eye/2016/04/21/the_story_behind_prince_s_unpronounceable_love_symbol_2.html\">an unpronounceable symbol\u003c/a>. It's a major moment, yet all I can focus on is the actress' horrible colored contacts. They make her look possessed!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58528\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-20-24-pm\" width=\"640\" height=\"399\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM.png 989w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-160x100.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-800x498.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-768x478.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-960x598.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-240x149.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-375x234.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-520x324.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58529\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-19-57-pm\" width=\"640\" height=\"468\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM.png 872w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-160x117.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-800x584.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-768x561.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-240x175.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-375x274.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-520x380.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58527\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-20-43-pm\" width=\"575\" height=\"341\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM.png 575w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-160x95.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-240x142.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-375x222.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-520x308.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 575px) 100vw, 575px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, some time later, Governess Dictator hires a wide-eyed servant girl. The senior servants are royally pissed over not being consulted:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCMs8dUWZus\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is hanging out with her only friends: her dolls and a portrait of her dead dad (#HomeschoolLife). Sir John bursts in, makes fun of her for still playing with dolls, and shuffles around important documents, in an attempt to convince Victoria that she didn't already fire him. When that doesn't work, he takes a more aggressive approach, by getting in Victoria's face and spitting: \"What can a girl like you -- \u003cem>unformed\u003c/em> -- possibly do to serve her country?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/she-came-that-way.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58530\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/she-came-that-way.gif\" alt=\"she-came-that-way\" width=\"245\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Calling her \"unformed\" is one thing, but insulting her best doll friends? Oh, hell nah. Victoria sets him straight by yelling: \"IF I REQUIRE ADVICE, I WILL ASK FOR IT! Sir John, you have our permission to withdraw.\" That's polite royal talk for \"GTFO and TTYN, loser.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/17028425.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58531\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/17028425.gif\" alt=\"17028425\" width=\"500\" height=\"339\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom's eye twitches, as Sir John limps backwards out of the room like a beaten puppy. Feminist Teen Queens: 1; Men Who Think Rocking Mutton Chops Makes Them Hot: 0.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid tries to mend some fancy gloves. Her boss tells her not to bother; the Queen never wears a pair more than once. Okay, Victoria seems chill and all, but I can see why head-chopping revolutions happen. The servants have their own way of sticking it to The Man though; they secretly sell the Queen's gloves, shoes, and other accessories, and pocket the money. Power to the ballsy, poor people! Get them coins!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-32.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58802\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-32.gif\" alt=\"giphy (32)\" width=\"500\" height=\"452\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Victoria whines. \u003cem>Sir John is, like, sooo annoying! And mom's other friend, Flora, walked into my room without knocking!\u003c/em> If this were a century or two earlier, Victoria would simply have them both killed, but it's the 19th century, so she decides to just move to a bigger mansion -- the recently-completed Buckingham Palace -- where she can keep them sequestered in whichever wing gets the least natural light. All is fair in love and real estate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And now, it's time for a montage of everyone we've met so far running around the new digs, freaking out over all the chandeliers, and chanting, \"Started from the bottom, now we're here!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Babyface Maid spots Victoria for the first time and is so dumbfounded that she blurts out this dumb statement: \"She is small, but she ain't no midget.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58801\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/short.gif\" alt=\"short\" width=\"470\" height=\"188\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, the Prime Minister eases Victoria's worries that no one takes her seriously because of her height by declaring: \"Anyone who dares comment on your stature should be sent straight to the Tower!\" (Sayonara, Babyface!) Victoria rewards him for waging a war against heightists -- and for being sort of sexy, if you squint a little -- by giving him a cute nickname -- Lord M -- and allowing him to be her Private Secretary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58800\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Victoria's mom is really bummed that she and her friends have been put in the North Wing, far away from Victoria's room in the South Wing (#FirstWorldProblems). Sir John takes the opportunity to play a few more B-sides from his Victoria-is-a-stupid-shrimpy-loser broken record, only to be interrupted by the Queen herself. Sir John pounces and tries to make Victoria pick her maids-of-honor on the spot. Victoria gives him the silent treatment and a look that says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/anigif_enhanced-4773-1430938663-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-36234\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/anigif_enhanced-4773-1430938663-26.gif\" alt=\"get off my jock gif bethenny\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not taking the hint, Flora pulls out a list of potential girls and ensures that none of them are tall whores. Victoria doubles down on her request for everyone to get off her jock:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58681\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif.gif\" alt=\"i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria tells Babyface Maid she wants to change things up with an \u003cem>au courant\u003c/em> hairstyle. Babyface Maid doesn't know what\u003cem> au courant\u003c/em> means, despite telling all the servants earlier that she has studied French. So she's a liar \u003cem>and\u003c/em> hates short people. Got it. They end up going with braids that go under and around the ears, which soon became the 19th century version of \u003ca href=\"http://parade.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Jennifer-Aniston-The-Rachel-Hairstyle-ftr.jpg\">The Rachel\u003c/a>™.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few days later, Flora continues to pester Victoria. Apparently, Victoria accidentally turned her back on some troops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"No one mentioned this to me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003c/strong> \"I assure you, they noticed, but no one likes to correct their monarch, ma'am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Except for you, evidently.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-24.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58689\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-24.gif\" alt=\"giphy-24\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, Governess Dictator is yelling at a servant for wasting too much money on beeswax candles. She doesn't know the help is selling them off, along with all the Queen's other once-used belongings, but something tells me she will soon and the reckoning will be glorious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Days later, Victoria and Lord M are trotting around on horses and chatting about how everyone thinks they're bumping uglies. Victoria asks if the reason he's single is because he's still clinically depressed about his wife running away with Lord Byron and then dying (yes, that \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Byron\">Lord Byron\u003c/a>!). Lord M is like, \u003cem>Um, yeah. Thanks for bringing that up.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day is the Royal Coronation Ball. Everyone who's anyone is in attendance... except for Lord M, who is crying in the dark at his house, while smelling a lock of hair. Yikes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before heading into the ballroom, Sir John, who's still allowed to live in the palace for some reason, reminds Victoria to not get too wasted or do anything slutty. Victoria is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-25.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58697\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-25.gif\" alt=\"giphy-25\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It wouldn't be a ball without a few scandals:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Scandal #1:\u003c/strong> The servants swapped out all the beeswax candles for cheap tallow candles, which are dripping wax all over the guests.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Scandal #2:\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_II_of_Russia\">Alexander II\u003c/a>, the son of the Russian Emperor, gets a bit too handsy with Victoria, while dancing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The latter is broken up, thanks to Lord M (who dried his tears and showed up, after all). Victoria deals with being groped by chugging lots of champagne and basically confessing her love for Lord M: \"You dance so well. I wish I could dance with you every night.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Lick_your_lips.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58698\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Lick_your_lips.gif\" alt=\"lick_your_lips\" width=\"500\" height=\"187\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A little later, Governess Dictator pulls Victoria aside to Wikileak \u003cstrong>Scandal #3:\u003c/strong> Flora appears to be pregnant! And the baby is probably Sir John's!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria goes and yells at Sir John, who then calls her a drunk. Victoria's measured reply:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58699\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8.gif\" alt=\"3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After some sloppy 19th century twerking, Flora interrupts Victoria on the dance floor to relay a message. The music stops just in time for everyone to hear Victoria yell, \"Mama sent \u003cem>you\u003c/em> to tell \u003cem>me\u003c/em> what to do??\" Lord M quickly escorts Victoria out and makes her go to bed before she pukes on everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria somehow doesn't have a raging hangover. She informs her mom about Flora's scandalous pregnancy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/What-Happens-When-You-Deliver-Large-Baby.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58707\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/What-Happens-When-You-Deliver-Large-Baby.gif\" alt=\"what-happens-when-you-deliver-large-baby\" width=\"400\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Flora and Sir John commiserate over not being invited to the Coronation ceremony and hating Victoria's guts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58708\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-26.gif\" alt=\"giphy-26\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While Victoria is being coronated, she has ordered that Flora undergo a medical examination to prove to everyone that she's a pregnant floozy. This plan backfires when the doctors conclude Flora is \u003cem>virgo intacta\u003c/em> and actually has a huge tumor growing inside of her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Bad-This-is-bad-My-bad-Oops-GIF.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58716\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Bad-This-is-bad-My-bad-Oops-GIF.gif\" alt=\"bad-this-is-bad-my-bad-oops-gif\" width=\"468\" height=\"263\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's evil uncle Scar sees an opportunity. He leaks the scandalous story of the Queen forcing a humiliating examination upon an innocent dying woman and calls for the powers of the crown to be turned over to him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Flora takes a turn for the worst and Victoria is pressured to hang out at her deathbed. This proves to be quite awkward and goes a little something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/baby-box-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58726\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/baby-box-gif.gif\" alt=\"baby-box-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Ummm, hiiiii. Being sick totally sucks. Want me to send you some peaches? They'll fix you right up!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora: \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58717\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy-20\" width=\"400\" height=\"223\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Anyway, that whole exam thing was my bad. We cool?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>You're going to hell. Now leave me alone so I can die.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58725\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Governess Dictator finds out about the glove-selling ring. She correctly accuses the lead maid, Mrs. Jenkins, but Babyface Maid confesses because Jesus would have also taken the blame for a random misdemeanor or something. Governess Dictator tells Victoria, who responds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/wvr.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58728\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/wvr.gif\" alt=\"wvr\" width=\"500\" height=\"337\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58727\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\" alt=\"90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares\" width=\"500\" height=\"351\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria's mom bursts in crying. Flora is dead. And she believes Victoria \"drove her to her grave.\" Victoria somehow manages to make it all about her: \u003cem>Sorry about your dead friend and all, but Sir John always makes fun of my height and you never defend me! Leave me alone!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M finds Victoria sitting at a piano, having a full-blown anxiety attack about how everyone thinks she killed a virgin. He confesses that he often wishes he was dead because his young son died some years ago, but that he pretends to be okay with this whole being alive thing, and she should too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next time Victoria is in front of the public, they yell about her being a virgin murderer, but she takes Lord M's advice and cooly pretends to be OK with being alive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time passes. Uncle Scar continues to travel around, talking smack about his niece and encouraging rumors that something inappropriate is going on between her and Lord M. He selflessly offers to take control of things, if needed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-28.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58750\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-28.gif\" alt=\"giphy (28)\" width=\"533\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds out slavery is still a thing in the Caribbean. She's like, \u003cem>Oh, I'll just fix that then\u003c/em>. Lord M is like, \u003cem>Ha ha ha. We can't just be decent human beings, silly. We have to let a bunch of white privileged men debate the economic losses associated with letting other human beings have basic rights first.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir John bursts in and demands that Victoria give her mother the title of Queen Mother. Victoria is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58751\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7.gif\" alt=\"310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7\" width=\"499\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Governess Dictator orders men to install gas lighting. Try selling candles now, riff-raff! The workers open up a wall and AN AVALANCHE OF RATS FALLS OUT. THEY SCURRY ALL OVER THE KITCHEN. AHHHHH!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-29.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58754\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-29.gif\" alt=\"giphy (29)\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/scared02.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58753\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/scared02.gif\" alt=\"scared02\" width=\"500\" height=\"342\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-30.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58752\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-30.gif\" alt=\"giphy (30)\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, the results of the slavery vote are in. By six votes, the Parliament decided enslaving people is bad!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tenor.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58769\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tenor.gif\" alt=\"tenor\" width=\"498\" height=\"243\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Lord M has to step down and stop talking to Victoria because his party has been weakened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/iooo.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58772\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/iooo.gif\" alt=\"iooo\" width=\"251\" height=\"251\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A wailing Victoria goes outside in the rain and uses her closed umbrella to attack hedges.\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/why.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58770\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/why.gif\" alt=\"why\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eventually, she calms down and interviews a potential replacement for the Prime Minister, the Duke of Wellington. He turns the position down because he's old and has been there, done that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-8.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19744\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-8.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo no thank you gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2hhznE3Ub1rfduvxo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2hhznE3Ub1rfduvxo1_250.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo too much gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2dkpmzid11rfduvxo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19742\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2dkpmzid11rfduvxo1_250.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo bye gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the lead maid turns on the brand new gas line and takes her sweet time finding a flame. Her hand is consumed by a fireball. Babyface Maid runs to fetch some butter for the burn, but gets distracted by a hot chef, who says, \"You can have butter, if you like, but I can give you something better.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58780\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-face.gif\" alt=\"oprah-face\" width=\"415\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He tells her to close her eyes so he can show her \"a surprise.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then shows her his...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/732978471.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58781\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"732978471\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...freezer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58782\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed.gif\" alt=\"1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed\" width=\"300\" height=\"171\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria is mad about a new coin that makes her look like she has a double chin. Her problems are so relatable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another possible candidate for the Prime Minister position by the name of Robert Peel shows up. He says the coin looks just like her. Uh oh! He then mansplains how the British government works. Double uh oh! Then he demands that she replace her ladies with women from his political party. Triple uh oh! Victoria isn't having any of it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gtfo13.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58783\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gtfo13.gif\" alt=\"gtfo13\" width=\"375\" height=\"247\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar is doing lines of 19th century coke, when Sir John comes in. They plot to convince everyone that Victoria is insane like her grandfather and unfit to rule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Victoria keeps trying to convince Lord M to get over himself and agree to stay Prime Minister. Lord M screams the lyrics to Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/JmW19.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58784\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/JmW19.gif\" alt=\"JmW19\" width=\"500\" height=\"256\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria can't sleep and decides to sit in front of a portrait of her insane grandfather. Her mother comes to hang out in a chic toilet paper headpiece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-58787\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-15 at 1.06.29 AM\" width=\"300\" height=\"401\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png 701w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-160x214.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-240x321.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-375x501.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-520x695.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom assures her that she won't let anyone take away her power. One way to respond is for Victoria to be chill for once and just hug her mom and say \"Thanks.\" Instead, she gives her mom a hard time for hanging out with Sir John and never protecting her in the past. Yeesh. At least she didn't bring up her \u003cem>I'm short and super sad about it\u003c/em> hang-up again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day is Victoria's birthday. The hot chef presents his impressive multi-tiered cake, topped with a likeness of the Queen and her cute dog. Some kids sing \"God Save the Queen\" and Victoria talks through it. Sir John tries to give Victoria a present and she pretends he's not there. Everyone almost dies of awkwardness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens a gift from Lord M. Will it be a love letter? A lock of his hair? A nude photo?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58796\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\" alt=\"Excited-Baby-Opening-Present\" width=\"332\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a telescope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/waqrg59iicwip04mmswz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58797\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/waqrg59iicwip04mmswz.gif\" alt=\"waqrg59iicwip04mmswz\" width=\"434\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next up: her mother's gift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58796\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\" alt=\"Excited-Baby-Opening-Present\" width=\"332\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a copy of \u003cem>King Lear\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/dsppntmnt.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58798\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/dsppntmnt.gif\" alt=\"dsppntmnt\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With a very rude passage underlined: \"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58899\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House.gif\" alt=\"How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Victoria can even react, RATS ARE ALL OVER HER CAKE! Victoria understandably loses her sh-t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Uncle Scar's cocaine den. He's sniffing and spinning the story with Sir John's help. She was in hysterics! Maybe she hallucinated the rats! Muahaha!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria tries to unveil her royal painting by pulling a tarp off of it. She can't manage it because she has poor upper body strength and/or is not used to doing very basic things like pulling. Lord M swoops in to help and casually says, \u003cem>Oh, hey, I'll be your Prime Minister again. Sorry about yelling Taylor Swift breakup lyrics in your face for the past couple of weeks. \u003c/em>Is he serious? All that running around for nothing? If it wasn't for his wife running off and his kid dying, I might hold a grudge, but I'll just move on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a dark alley, some random tries to get Babyface Maid to sell herself and won't take no for an answer. Thankfully, the hot cook swoops in. Turns out he's been stalking her, but in the cute way. He reveals that he recognizes her from some former house of ill repute, but he doesn't care. He just wants to date. Aww (I think)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Lord M and Victoria gaze longingly across a room at each other. Some dude tells Lord M that this googly-eyed business won't last for long, as Victoria will soon wed. But Lord M knows that marriage doesn't mean anything. Just ask Lord Byron.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Sir John. \u003c/strong>The uncle has a scar over his eye, which means he has no choice but to be evil. What's this guy's excuse?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: William IV. \u003c/strong>I would totally watch a show about him and his 10 \"illegitimate\" children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Hot Chef. \u003c/strong>That cake was impressive. And so is his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Flora. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>If anyone has earned the right to say \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7S1hnRPF0\">That was way harsh, Tai,\u003c/a>\" it's this virgin who can't drive.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Victoria. \u003c/strong>Duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/15/victoria-season-1-premiere-recap-bow-down/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1 Premiere Recap: Bow Down\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Did the end of 'Downton Abbey' leave a void in your spirit? 'Victoria' is here to fill it.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Hi there! You might remember me from \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">Downton Abbey\u003c/a>\u003cem> or \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003cem> recaps of yore. Since those shows wrapped, I've felt a void in my spirit that can only be filled by PBS-approved British imports. So I'm going to try falling in love again; this time, with a show called \u003c/em>Victoria\u003cem>. I hope you'll join me. Let's do this!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Pastel clouds greet a pleasant sunrise in the English countryside... but there's no time to appreciate that right now because there's a bunch of text on the screen! It's 1837, the year that daguerreotypes and \u003cem>Oliver Twist\u003c/em> became a thing. William IV is the king and apparently in some trouble. His niece Alexandrina is his heir.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, before we get any further, here are a few interesting things I found out about this William dude, after researching him for the past hour:\u003c/p>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>He joined the Royal Navy at 13. While stationed in North America, George Washington tried to kidnap him!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>Because William IV was so far down the line of succession (he was the third son of King George III), he decided \u003cem>Ah, screw it!\u003c/em>, shacked up with an actress with a bad reputation and had ten \"illegitimate\" kids. Get it, Willie!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>After the deaths of his father, both his older brothers, and his niece, he became an unexpected King at the ripe age of 64. Under his reign, slavery was abolished in nearly all of the British Empire and child labor was restricted. Huzzah for common decency!\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cul>\n\u003cli>In his final months, William gave a blistering speech at a banquet about how much he hoped he wouldn't croak before his niece was of age, so that her no-good, sneaky mother wouldn't get her hands on the powers of the crown. Queen Victoria -- then Alexandrina -- burst into tears from shock. But she still thought fondly of him because he was kind of right.\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ul>\n\u003cp>So that sets us up for what we're about to see. Back to the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A messenger arrives at Kensington Palace wearing a black armband. Our homeboy William IV is dead. Well, that was quick!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57689\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20.gif\" alt=\"giphy-20\" width=\"500\" height=\"324\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/The-African-Queen-GIF-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-57690\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/The-African-Queen-GIF-1.gif\" alt=\"the-african-queen-gif-1\" width=\"500\" height=\"363\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We hardly knew ye!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'm more upset about his passing than anyone at this mansion is. Some dude named Sir John is basically like, \u003cem>Ugh, finally!\u003c/em> Alexandrina is so jazzed that she walks down a set of stairs WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO HER GOVERNESS.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After pretending to be bummed out about her dead uncle in front of the Archbishop for three seconds, she dances around the palace with her cute dog before heading to her room to blast the \"Bow down, b-tches!\" part of \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geEMtwkBZVk\">that Beyoncé song\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Upstairs, Sir John and her mother are already trying to take control, starting with the Queen's name. They both agree Alexandrina is way too ethnic and that her middle name Victoria is super lame. Elizabeth will do. Or Ann.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alexandrina interrupts: \u003cem>Um, guys? Sorry to interrupt your little planning sesh, but I just saw the Archbishop alone and I intend to handle my own business forever and ever without your help. Cool? Oh, and I went down a staircase without assistance earlier.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-21.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57705\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-21.gif\" alt=\"giphy-21\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir John and co. are horrified by the idea of a grown woman having opinions and making her own decisions:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/IVVeY.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57706\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/IVVeY.gif\" alt=\"ivvey\" width=\"360\" height=\"288\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, randoms are gossiping about how they've heard Alexandrina's tongue is too big for her mouth. Burn books were so quaint back then.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, the governess tries to hold a lesson with Alexandrina, who replies with a \u003cem>Meh, I know enough. \u003c/em>The governess is bummed that she is now obsolete and must return to her native Germany, but she is quickly promoted to household dictator. The governess gleefully runs to the downstairs kitchen to be rude to all the servants for no reason.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later in the day, Lord Melbourne, the Prime Minister, arrives to kick it with Alexandrina. Sir John intercepts him and gives a speech about how Alexandrina is a homeschooled weirdo and needs him to be in charge of her affairs. Lord Melbourne pulls one of these:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/diss.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-37158\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/diss.gif\" alt=\"chappelle show diss gif\" width=\"400\" height=\"267\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After some small talk about dolls and ugly, pumpkin-headed suitors, Lord Melbourne brings up Sir John's attempts at seizing control. Alexandrina delivers a quick and strong \u003cem>NOPE!\u003c/em> Melbourne then slyly tries to pull a fast one: \u003cem>TOTALLY, but reading stuff can be quite hard. Your itty-bitty lady brain wouldn't like it. Let me do it! \u003c/em>Alexandrina responds by throwing a Betty Friedan book at his face and burning a bra.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Okay, okay, she didn't exactly react like that, but she did firmly say no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/picgifs-nope-400931.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57716\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/picgifs-nope-400931.gif\" alt=\"picgifs-nope-400931\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, a bunch of Lords assemble to kiss the new Queen's hand. But before all the germ-spreading can commence, Alexandrina must give a speech. Her jealous uncle -- who, like the jealous uncle in \u003cem>The Lion King\u003c/em>, has a huge scar on his face -- interrupts to say she isn't talking loud enough. So she turns the volume and the content way up: \u003cem>Because you all are sexist and ageist as hell, you don't think I'm going to do well. Watch me.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-57724\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_mhihjztjut1qbh0eio1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"238\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alexandrina goes to the balcony and proclaims herself Queen Victoria, a name change without which Prince may have never been referred to as \u003ca href=\"http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_eye/2016/04/21/the_story_behind_prince_s_unpronounceable_love_symbol_2.html\">an unpronounceable symbol\u003c/a>. It's a major moment, yet all I can focus on is the actress' horrible colored contacts. They make her look possessed!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58528\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-20-24-pm\" width=\"640\" height=\"399\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM.png 989w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-160x100.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-800x498.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-768x478.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-960x598.png 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-240x149.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-375x234.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.24-PM-520x324.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58529\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-19-57-pm\" width=\"640\" height=\"468\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM.png 872w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-160x117.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-800x584.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-768x561.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-240x175.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-375x274.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.19.57-PM-520x380.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58527\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM.png\" alt=\"screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-4-20-43-pm\" width=\"575\" height=\"341\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM.png 575w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-160x95.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-240x142.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-375x222.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-13-at-4.20.43-PM-520x308.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 575px) 100vw, 575px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Anyway, some time later, Governess Dictator hires a wide-eyed servant girl. The senior servants are royally pissed over not being consulted:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/QCMs8dUWZus'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/QCMs8dUWZus'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Upstairs, Victoria is hanging out with her only friends: her dolls and a portrait of her dead dad (#HomeschoolLife). Sir John bursts in, makes fun of her for still playing with dolls, and shuffles around important documents, in an attempt to convince Victoria that she didn't already fire him. When that doesn't work, he takes a more aggressive approach, by getting in Victoria's face and spitting: \"What can a girl like you -- \u003cem>unformed\u003c/em> -- possibly do to serve her country?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/she-came-that-way.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58530\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/she-came-that-way.gif\" alt=\"she-came-that-way\" width=\"245\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Calling her \"unformed\" is one thing, but insulting her best doll friends? Oh, hell nah. Victoria sets him straight by yelling: \"IF I REQUIRE ADVICE, I WILL ASK FOR IT! Sir John, you have our permission to withdraw.\" That's polite royal talk for \"GTFO and TTYN, loser.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/17028425.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58531\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/17028425.gif\" alt=\"17028425\" width=\"500\" height=\"339\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom's eye twitches, as Sir John limps backwards out of the room like a beaten puppy. Feminist Teen Queens: 1; Men Who Think Rocking Mutton Chops Makes Them Hot: 0.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Babyface Maid tries to mend some fancy gloves. Her boss tells her not to bother; the Queen never wears a pair more than once. Okay, Victoria seems chill and all, but I can see why head-chopping revolutions happen. The servants have their own way of sticking it to The Man though; they secretly sell the Queen's gloves, shoes, and other accessories, and pocket the money. Power to the ballsy, poor people! Get them coins!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-32.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58802\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-32.gif\" alt=\"giphy (32)\" width=\"500\" height=\"452\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, Victoria whines. \u003cem>Sir John is, like, sooo annoying! And mom's other friend, Flora, walked into my room without knocking!\u003c/em> If this were a century or two earlier, Victoria would simply have them both killed, but it's the 19th century, so she decides to just move to a bigger mansion -- the recently-completed Buckingham Palace -- where she can keep them sequestered in whichever wing gets the least natural light. All is fair in love and real estate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And now, it's time for a montage of everyone we've met so far running around the new digs, freaking out over all the chandeliers, and chanting, \"Started from the bottom, now we're here!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Babyface Maid spots Victoria for the first time and is so dumbfounded that she blurts out this dumb statement: \"She is small, but she ain't no midget.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58801\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/short.gif\" alt=\"short\" width=\"470\" height=\"188\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, the Prime Minister eases Victoria's worries that no one takes her seriously because of her height by declaring: \"Anyone who dares comment on your stature should be sent straight to the Tower!\" (Sayonara, Babyface!) Victoria rewards him for waging a war against heightists -- and for being sort of sexy, if you squint a little -- by giving him a cute nickname -- Lord M -- and allowing him to be her Private Secretary.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58800\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_n9yz2e80Qt1tp719lo1_r1_500\" width=\"500\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere, Victoria's mom is really bummed that she and her friends have been put in the North Wing, far away from Victoria's room in the South Wing (#FirstWorldProblems). Sir John takes the opportunity to play a few more B-sides from his Victoria-is-a-stupid-shrimpy-loser broken record, only to be interrupted by the Queen herself. Sir John pounces and tries to make Victoria pick her maids-of-honor on the spot. Victoria gives him the silent treatment and a look that says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/anigif_enhanced-4773-1430938663-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-36234\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/anigif_enhanced-4773-1430938663-26.gif\" alt=\"get off my jock gif bethenny\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not taking the hint, Flora pulls out a list of potential girls and ensures that none of them are tall whores. Victoria doubles down on her request for everyone to get off her jock:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58681\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif.gif\" alt=\"i-just-want-you-off-my-jock-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria tells Babyface Maid she wants to change things up with an \u003cem>au courant\u003c/em> hairstyle. Babyface Maid doesn't know what\u003cem> au courant\u003c/em> means, despite telling all the servants earlier that she has studied French. So she's a liar \u003cem>and\u003c/em> hates short people. Got it. They end up going with braids that go under and around the ears, which soon became the 19th century version of \u003ca href=\"http://parade.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Jennifer-Aniston-The-Rachel-Hairstyle-ftr.jpg\">The Rachel\u003c/a>™.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few days later, Flora continues to pester Victoria. Apparently, Victoria accidentally turned her back on some troops.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"No one mentioned this to me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003c/strong> \"I assure you, they noticed, but no one likes to correct their monarch, ma'am.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \"Except for you, evidently.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-24.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58689\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-24.gif\" alt=\"giphy-24\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Elsewhere in the palace, Governess Dictator is yelling at a servant for wasting too much money on beeswax candles. She doesn't know the help is selling them off, along with all the Queen's other once-used belongings, but something tells me she will soon and the reckoning will be glorious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Days later, Victoria and Lord M are trotting around on horses and chatting about how everyone thinks they're bumping uglies. Victoria asks if the reason he's single is because he's still clinically depressed about his wife running away with Lord Byron and then dying (yes, that \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Byron\">Lord Byron\u003c/a>!). Lord M is like, \u003cem>Um, yeah. Thanks for bringing that up.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day is the Royal Coronation Ball. Everyone who's anyone is in attendance... except for Lord M, who is crying in the dark at his house, while smelling a lock of hair. Yikes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before heading into the ballroom, Sir John, who's still allowed to live in the palace for some reason, reminds Victoria to not get too wasted or do anything slutty. Victoria is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-25.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58697\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-25.gif\" alt=\"giphy-25\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It wouldn't be a ball without a few scandals:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Scandal #1:\u003c/strong> The servants swapped out all the beeswax candles for cheap tallow candles, which are dripping wax all over the guests.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Scandal #2:\u003c/strong> \u003ca href=\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_II_of_Russia\">Alexander II\u003c/a>, the son of the Russian Emperor, gets a bit too handsy with Victoria, while dancing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The latter is broken up, thanks to Lord M (who dried his tears and showed up, after all). Victoria deals with being groped by chugging lots of champagne and basically confessing her love for Lord M: \"You dance so well. I wish I could dance with you every night.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Lick_your_lips.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58698\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Lick_your_lips.gif\" alt=\"lick_your_lips\" width=\"500\" height=\"187\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A little later, Governess Dictator pulls Victoria aside to Wikileak \u003cstrong>Scandal #3:\u003c/strong> Flora appears to be pregnant! And the baby is probably Sir John's!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria goes and yells at Sir John, who then calls her a drunk. Victoria's measured reply:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58699\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8.gif\" alt=\"3d34e403-b4c9-45bd-8c93-91efec18a2a8\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After some sloppy 19th century twerking, Flora interrupts Victoria on the dance floor to relay a message. The music stops just in time for everyone to hear Victoria yell, \"Mama sent \u003cem>you\u003c/em> to tell \u003cem>me\u003c/em> what to do??\" Lord M quickly escorts Victoria out and makes her go to bed before she pukes on everyone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Victoria somehow doesn't have a raging hangover. She informs her mom about Flora's scandalous pregnancy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/What-Happens-When-You-Deliver-Large-Baby.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58707\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/What-Happens-When-You-Deliver-Large-Baby.gif\" alt=\"what-happens-when-you-deliver-large-baby\" width=\"400\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Flora and Sir John commiserate over not being invited to the Coronation ceremony and hating Victoria's guts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-26.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58708\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-26.gif\" alt=\"giphy-26\" width=\"500\" height=\"260\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While Victoria is being coronated, she has ordered that Flora undergo a medical examination to prove to everyone that she's a pregnant floozy. This plan backfires when the doctors conclude Flora is \u003cem>virgo intacta\u003c/em> and actually has a huge tumor growing inside of her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Bad-This-is-bad-My-bad-Oops-GIF.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58716\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Bad-This-is-bad-My-bad-Oops-GIF.gif\" alt=\"bad-this-is-bad-my-bad-oops-gif\" width=\"468\" height=\"263\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's evil uncle Scar sees an opportunity. He leaks the scandalous story of the Queen forcing a humiliating examination upon an innocent dying woman and calls for the powers of the crown to be turned over to him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Flora takes a turn for the worst and Victoria is pressured to hang out at her deathbed. This proves to be quite awkward and goes a little something like this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/baby-box-gif.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58726\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/baby-box-gif.gif\" alt=\"baby-box-gif\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Ummm, hiiiii. Being sick totally sucks. Want me to send you some peaches? They'll fix you right up!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora: \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20-1.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58717\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-20-1.gif\" alt=\"giphy-20\" width=\"400\" height=\"223\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Anyway, that whole exam thing was my bad. We cool?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Flora:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>You're going to hell. Now leave me alone so I can die.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Victoria:\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58725\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq.gif\" alt=\"tumblr_m15vqg8mRd1r5aheq\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The following day, Governess Dictator finds out about the glove-selling ring. She correctly accuses the lead maid, Mrs. Jenkins, but Babyface Maid confesses because Jesus would have also taken the blame for a random misdemeanor or something. Governess Dictator tells Victoria, who responds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/wvr.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58728\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/wvr.gif\" alt=\"wvr\" width=\"500\" height=\"337\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58727\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares.gif\" alt=\"90081_idgaf-i-dont-care-christina-aguilera-nobody-cares\" width=\"500\" height=\"351\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that day, Victoria's mom bursts in crying. Flora is dead. And she believes Victoria \"drove her to her grave.\" Victoria somehow manages to make it all about her: \u003cem>Sorry about your dead friend and all, but Sir John always makes fun of my height and you never defend me! Leave me alone!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Lord M finds Victoria sitting at a piano, having a full-blown anxiety attack about how everyone thinks she killed a virgin. He confesses that he often wishes he was dead because his young son died some years ago, but that he pretends to be okay with this whole being alive thing, and she should too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next time Victoria is in front of the public, they yell about her being a virgin murderer, but she takes Lord M's advice and cooly pretends to be OK with being alive.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some time passes. Uncle Scar continues to travel around, talking smack about his niece and encouraging rumors that something inappropriate is going on between her and Lord M. He selflessly offers to take control of things, if needed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-28.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58750\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-28.gif\" alt=\"giphy (28)\" width=\"533\" height=\"300\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria finds out slavery is still a thing in the Caribbean. She's like, \u003cem>Oh, I'll just fix that then\u003c/em>. Lord M is like, \u003cem>Ha ha ha. We can't just be decent human beings, silly. We have to let a bunch of white privileged men debate the economic losses associated with letting other human beings have basic rights first.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sir John bursts in and demands that Victoria give her mother the title of Queen Mother. Victoria is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58751\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7.gif\" alt=\"310bd726b77ad245d304a77f78b459f7\" width=\"499\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, Governess Dictator orders men to install gas lighting. Try selling candles now, riff-raff! The workers open up a wall and AN AVALANCHE OF RATS FALLS OUT. THEY SCURRY ALL OVER THE KITCHEN. AHHHHH!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-29.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58754\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-29.gif\" alt=\"giphy (29)\" width=\"500\" height=\"273\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/scared02.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58753\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/scared02.gif\" alt=\"scared02\" width=\"500\" height=\"342\">\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-30.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58752\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/giphy-30.gif\" alt=\"giphy (30)\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, the results of the slavery vote are in. By six votes, the Parliament decided enslaving people is bad!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tenor.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58769\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/tenor.gif\" alt=\"tenor\" width=\"498\" height=\"243\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Lord M has to step down and stop talking to Victoria because his party has been weakened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/iooo.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58772\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/iooo.gif\" alt=\"iooo\" width=\"251\" height=\"251\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A wailing Victoria goes outside in the rain and uses her closed umbrella to attack hedges.\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/why.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58770\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/why.gif\" alt=\"why\" width=\"245\" height=\"160\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Eventually, she calms down and interviews a potential replacement for the Prime Minister, the Duke of Wellington. He turns the position down because he's old and has been there, done that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-8.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19744\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/giphy-8.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo no thank you gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2hhznE3Ub1rfduvxo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19743\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2hhznE3Ub1rfduvxo1_250.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo too much gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a> \u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2dkpmzid11rfduvxo1_250.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19742\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/01/tumblr_n2dkpmzid11rfduvxo1_250.gif\" alt=\"honey boo boo bye gif\" width=\"245\" height=\"200\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Downstairs, the lead maid turns on the brand new gas line and takes her sweet time finding a flame. Her hand is consumed by a fireball. Babyface Maid runs to fetch some butter for the burn, but gets distracted by a hot chef, who says, \"You can have butter, if you like, but I can give you something better.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-face.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58780\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/oprah-face.gif\" alt=\"oprah-face\" width=\"415\" height=\"212\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He tells her to close her eyes so he can show her \"a surprise.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And then shows her his...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/732978471.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58781\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/732978471.gif\" alt=\"732978471\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...freezer.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58782\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed.gif\" alt=\"1478238113-oprah-winfrey-notimpressed\" width=\"300\" height=\"171\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back upstairs, Victoria is mad about a new coin that makes her look like she has a double chin. Her problems are so relatable.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another possible candidate for the Prime Minister position by the name of Robert Peel shows up. He says the coin looks just like her. Uh oh! He then mansplains how the British government works. Double uh oh! Then he demands that she replace her ladies with women from his political party. Triple uh oh! Victoria isn't having any of it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gtfo13.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58783\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/gtfo13.gif\" alt=\"gtfo13\" width=\"375\" height=\"247\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Uncle Scar is doing lines of 19th century coke, when Sir John comes in. They plot to convince everyone that Victoria is insane like her grandfather and unfit to rule.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Victoria keeps trying to convince Lord M to get over himself and agree to stay Prime Minister. Lord M screams the lyrics to Taylor Swift's \"We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/JmW19.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58784\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/JmW19.gif\" alt=\"JmW19\" width=\"500\" height=\"256\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Victoria can't sleep and decides to sit in front of a portrait of her insane grandfather. Her mother comes to hang out in a chic toilet paper headpiece.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-58787\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png\" alt=\"Screen Shot 2017-01-15 at 1.06.29 AM\" width=\"300\" height=\"401\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM.png 701w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-160x214.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-240x321.png 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-375x501.png 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Screen-Shot-2017-01-15-at-1.06.29-AM-520x695.png 520w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria's mom assures her that she won't let anyone take away her power. One way to respond is for Victoria to be chill for once and just hug her mom and say \"Thanks.\" Instead, she gives her mom a hard time for hanging out with Sir John and never protecting her in the past. Yeesh. At least she didn't bring up her \u003cem>I'm short and super sad about it\u003c/em> hang-up again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day is Victoria's birthday. The hot chef presents his impressive multi-tiered cake, topped with a likeness of the Queen and her cute dog. Some kids sing \"God Save the Queen\" and Victoria talks through it. Sir John tries to give Victoria a present and she pretends he's not there. Everyone almost dies of awkwardness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Victoria opens a gift from Lord M. Will it be a love letter? A lock of his hair? A nude photo?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58796\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\" alt=\"Excited-Baby-Opening-Present\" width=\"332\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a telescope.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/waqrg59iicwip04mmswz.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-58797\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/waqrg59iicwip04mmswz.gif\" alt=\"waqrg59iicwip04mmswz\" width=\"434\" height=\"261\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Next up: her mother's gift.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58796\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/Excited-Baby-Opening-Present.gif\" alt=\"Excited-Baby-Opening-Present\" width=\"332\" height=\"240\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a copy of \u003cem>King Lear\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/dsppntmnt.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58798\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/dsppntmnt.gif\" alt=\"dsppntmnt\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With a very rude passage underlined: \"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House.gif\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-58899\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/01/How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House.gif\" alt=\"How-Rude-Stephanie-Full-House\" width=\"320\" height=\"256\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Victoria can even react, RATS ARE ALL OVER HER CAKE! Victoria understandably loses her sh-t.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Uncle Scar's cocaine den. He's sniffing and spinning the story with Sir John's help. She was in hysterics! Maybe she hallucinated the rats! Muahaha!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Victoria tries to unveil her royal painting by pulling a tarp off of it. She can't manage it because she has poor upper body strength and/or is not used to doing very basic things like pulling. Lord M swoops in to help and casually says, \u003cem>Oh, hey, I'll be your Prime Minister again. Sorry about yelling Taylor Swift breakup lyrics in your face for the past couple of weeks. \u003c/em>Is he serious? All that running around for nothing? If it wasn't for his wife running off and his kid dying, I might hold a grudge, but I'll just move on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a dark alley, some random tries to get Babyface Maid to sell herself and won't take no for an answer. Thankfully, the hot cook swoops in. Turns out he's been stalking her, but in the cute way. He reveals that he recognizes her from some former house of ill repute, but he doesn't care. He just wants to date. Aww (I think)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the palace, Lord M and Victoria gaze longingly across a room at each other. Some dude tells Lord M that this googly-eyed business won't last for long, as Victoria will soon wed. But Lord M knows that marriage doesn't mean anything. Just ask Lord Byron.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Sir John. \u003c/strong>The uncle has a scar over his eye, which means he has no choice but to be evil. What's this guy's excuse?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: William IV. \u003c/strong>I would totally watch a show about him and his 10 \"illegitimate\" children.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Hot Chef. \u003c/strong>That cake was impressive. And so is his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>SILVER: \u003cstrong>Flora. \u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>If anyone has earned the right to say \"\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7S1hnRPF0\">That was way harsh, Tai,\u003c/a>\" it's this virgin who can't drive.\u003cstrong> \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>GOLD: Victoria. \u003c/strong>Duh.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Until next week! If you miss me, \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/author/ehapsis/\">read some of my other work \u003c/a>or \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">follow me on Twitter @xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003cstrong>More recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108303/victoria-season-3-finale-recap-matchmaker-matchmaker\">'Victoria' Season 3 Finale Recap: Matchmaker, Matchmaker\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108301/victoria-season-3-episode-7-recap-california-love\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: California Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108299/victoria-season-3-episode-6-recap-love-on-the-brain\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: Love on the Brain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108293/victoria-season-3-episode-5-recap-on-the-road-again\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: On The Road Again\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108291/victoria-season-3-episode-4-recap-ill-be-missing-you\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: I'll Be Missing You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108289/victoria-season-3-episode-3-recap-la-isla-bonita\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: La Isla Bonita\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108287/victoria-season-3-episode-2-recap-the-guns-of-brixton\">'Victoria' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: The Guns of Brixton\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/108284/victoria-season-3-premiere-recap-god-save-the-queen\">'Victoria' Season 3 Premiere Recap: God Save The Queen\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97779/victoria-season-2-finale-recap-its-a-hard-knock-life\">'Victoria' Season 2 Finale Recap: It's a Hard-Knock Life\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97777/victoria-season-2-episode-6-recap-somewhere-over-the-rainbow\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 6 Recap: Somewhere Over The Rainbow\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97775/victoria-season-2-episode-5-recap-lost-and-found\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Lost and Found\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97773/victoria-season-2-episode-4-recap-people-are-people\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 4 Recap: People Are People\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97771/victoria-season-2-episode-3-recap-daddy-issues\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 3 Recap: Daddy Issues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97769/victoria-season-2-episode-2-recap-puppy-love\">'Victoria' Season 2 Episode 2 Recap: Puppy Love\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/97767/victoria-season-2-premiere-recap-baby-its-cold-outside\">'Victoria' Season 2 Premiere Recap: Baby It's Cold Outside\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/56546/victoria-season-1-finale-recap-bye-bye-baby-blues\">'Victoria' Season 1 Finale Recap: Bye Bye Baby Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/19/victoria-season-1-episode-6-recap-cmon-ride-the-train/\">'Victoria' Season 1, Episode 6 Recap: C'mon Ride the Train\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/12/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-5-recap-ill-make-love-to-you/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: I’ll Make Love to You\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/02/05/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-4-recap-wedding-bell-blues/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 4 Recap: Wedding Bell Blues\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/29/pbs-victoria-season-1-episode-3-recap-youre-so-vain/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 3 Recap: You’re So Vain\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/01/22/victoria-season-1-episode-2-recap-all-the-single-ladies/\">‘Victoria’ Season 1, Episode 2 Recap: All The Single Ladies\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"tagline": "Your state, your stories",
"info": "Every week, The California Report Magazine takes you on a road trip for the ears: to visit the places and meet the people who make California unique. The in-depth storytelling podcast from the California Report.",
"airtime": "FRI 4:30pm-5pm, 6:30pm-7pm, 11pm-11:30pm",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/californiareportmagazine",
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"order": 10
},
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM3NjkwNjk1OTAz",
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},
"city-arts": {
"id": "city-arts",
"title": "City Arts & Lectures",
"info": "A one-hour radio program to hear celebrated writers, artists and thinkers address contemporary ideas and values, often discussing the creative process. Please note: tapes or transcripts are not available",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/05/cityartsandlecture-300x300.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.cityarts.net/",
"airtime": "SUN 1pm-2pm, TUE 10pm, WED 1am",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "City Arts & Lectures"
},
"link": "https://www.cityarts.net",
"subscribe": {
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/City-Arts-and-Lectures-p692/",
"rss": "https://www.cityarts.net/feed/"
}
},
"closealltabs": {
"id": "closealltabs",
"title": "Close All Tabs",
"tagline": "Your irreverent guide to the trends redefining our world",
"info": "Close All Tabs breaks down how digital culture shapes our world through thoughtful insights and irreverent humor.",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/CAT_2_Tile-scaled.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/closealltabs",
"meta": {
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"order": 1
},
"link": "/podcasts/closealltabs",
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"code-switch-life-kit": {
"id": "code-switch-life-kit",
"title": "Code Switch / Life Kit",
"info": "\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em>, which listeners will hear in the first part of the hour, has fearless and much-needed conversations about race. Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />",
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"meta": {
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy",
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"id": "commonwealth-club",
"title": "Commonwealth Club of California Podcast",
"info": "The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. This podcast feed is usually updated twice a week and is always un-edited.",
"airtime": "THU 10pm, FRI 1am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Commonwealth-Club-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
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"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "Commonwealth Club of California"
},
"link": "/radio/program/commonwealth-club",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL3d3dy5jb21tb253ZWFsdGhjbHViLm9yZy9hdWRpby9wb2RjYXN0L3dlZWtseS54bWw",
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}
},
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"id": "forum",
"title": "Forum",
"tagline": "The conversation starts here",
"info": "KQED’s live call-in program discussing local, state, national and international issues, as well as in-depth interviews.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 9am-11am, 10pm-11pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Forum-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED Forum with Mina Kim and Alexis Madrigal",
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"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 9
},
"link": "/forum",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM5NTU3MzgxNjMz",
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"id": "freakonomics-radio",
"title": "Freakonomics Radio",
"info": "Freakonomics Radio is a one-hour award-winning podcast and public-radio project hosted by Stephen Dubner, with co-author Steve Levitt as a regular guest. It is produced in partnership with WNYC.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/freakonomicsRadio.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://freakonomics.com/",
"airtime": "SUN 1am-2am, SAT 3pm-4pm",
"meta": {
"site": "radio",
"source": "WNYC"
},
"link": "/radio/program/freakonomics-radio",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/4s8b",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/freakonomics-radio/id354668519",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/podcasts/WNYC-Podcasts/Freakonomics-Radio-p272293/",
"rss": "https://feeds.feedburner.com/freakonomicsradio"
}
},
"fresh-air": {
"id": "fresh-air",
"title": "Fresh Air",
"info": "Hosted by Terry Gross, \u003cem>Fresh Air from WHYY\u003c/em> is the Peabody Award-winning weekday magazine of contemporary arts and issues. One of public radio's most popular programs, Fresh Air features intimate conversations with today's biggest luminaries.",
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"link": "/radio/program/fresh-air",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=214089682&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/381444908/podcast.xml"
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"info": "A live production of NPR and WBUR Boston, in collaboration with stations across the country, Here & Now reflects the fluid world of news as it's happening in the middle of the day, with timely, in-depth news, interviews and conversation. Hosted by Robin Young, Jeremy Hobson and Tonya Mosley.",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510051/podcast.xml"
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},
"hidden-brain": {
"id": "hidden-brain",
"title": "Hidden Brain",
"info": "Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices and direct our relationships.",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/series/423302056/hidden-brain",
"airtime": "SUN 7pm-8pm",
"meta": {
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"source": "NPR"
},
"link": "/radio/program/hidden-brain",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510308/podcast.xml"
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},
"how-i-built-this": {
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"title": "How I Built This with Guy Raz",
"info": "Guy Raz dives into the stories behind some of the world's best known companies. How I Built This weaves a narrative journey about innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists—and the movements they built.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/news/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2018/05/howIBuiltThis.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this",
"airtime": "SUN 7:30pm-8pm",
"meta": {
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"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/how-i-built-this",
"subscribe": {
"npr": "https://rpb3r.app.goo.gl/3zxy",
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-i-built-this-with-guy-raz/id1150510297?mt=2",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510313/podcast.xml"
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},
"hyphenacion": {
"id": "hyphenacion",
"title": "Hyphenación",
"tagline": "Where conversation and cultura meet",
"info": "What kind of no sabo word is Hyphenación? For us, it’s about living within a hyphenation. Like being a third-gen Mexican-American from the Texas border now living that Bay Area Chicano life. Like Xorje! Each week we bring together a couple of hyphenated Latinos to talk all about personal life choices: family, careers, relationships, belonging … everything is on the table. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Hyphenacion_FinalAssets_PodcastTile.png",
"imageAlt": "KQED Hyphenación",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 15
},
"link": "/podcasts/hyphenacion",
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"spotify": "https://open.spotify.com/show/2p3Fifq96nw9BPcmFdIq0o?si=39209f7b25774f38",
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"rss": "https://feeds.megaphone.fm/KQINC2275451163"
}
},
"jerrybrown": {
"id": "jerrybrown",
"title": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown",
"tagline": "Lessons from a lifetime in politics",
"info": "The Political Mind of Jerry Brown brings listeners the wisdom of the former Governor, Mayor, and presidential candidate. Scott Shafer interviewed Brown for more than 40 hours, covering the former governor's life and half-century in the political game – and Brown has some lessons he'd like to share. ",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/The-Political-Mind-of-Jerry-Brown-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 18
},
"link": "/podcasts/jerrybrown",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1492194549",
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}
},
"latino-usa": {
"id": "latino-usa",
"title": "Latino USA",
"airtime": "MON 1am-2am, SUN 6pm-7pm",
"info": "Latino USA, the radio journal of news and culture, is the only national, English-language radio program produced from a Latino perspective.",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/latinoUsa.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "http://latinousa.org/",
"meta": {
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"source": "npr"
},
"link": "/radio/program/latino-usa",
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"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?s=143441&mt=2&id=79681317&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory",
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"rss": "https://feeds.npr.org/510016/podcast.xml"
}
},
"marketplace": {
"id": "marketplace",
"title": "Marketplace",
"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 4pm-4:30pm, MON-WED 6:30pm-7pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Marketplace-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.marketplace.org/",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "American Public Media"
},
"link": "/radio/program/marketplace",
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"rss": "https://feeds.publicradio.org/public_feeds/marketplace-pm/rss/rss"
}
},
"masters-of-scale": {
"id": "masters-of-scale",
"title": "Masters of Scale",
"info": "Masters of Scale is an original podcast in which LinkedIn co-founder and Greylock Partner Reid Hoffman sets out to describe and prove theories that explain how great entrepreneurs take their companies from zero to a gazillion in ingenious fashion.",
"airtime": "Every other Wednesday June 12 through October 16 at 8pm (repeats Thursdays at 2am)",
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"officialWebsiteLink": "https://mastersofscale.com/",
"meta": {
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"source": "WaitWhat"
},
"link": "/radio/program/masters-of-scale",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "http://mastersofscale.app.link/",
"rss": "https://rss.art19.com/masters-of-scale"
}
},
"mindshift": {
"id": "mindshift",
"title": "MindShift",
"tagline": "A podcast about the future of learning and how we raise our kids",
"info": "The MindShift podcast explores the innovations in education that are shaping how kids learn. Hosts Ki Sung and Katrina Schwartz introduce listeners to educators, researchers, parents and students who are developing effective ways to improve how kids learn. We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/mindshift/",
"meta": {
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"source": "kqed",
"order": 12
},
"link": "/podcasts/mindshift",
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"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5",
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"stitcher": "https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share",
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}
},
"morning-edition": {
"id": "morning-edition",
"title": "Morning Edition",
"info": "\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. Hosts Steve Inskeep, David Greene and Rachel Martin bring you the latest breaking news and features to prepare you for the day.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3am-9am",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Morning-Edition-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.npr.org/programs/morning-edition/",
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"link": "/radio/program/morning-edition"
},
"onourwatch": {
"id": "onourwatch",
"title": "On Our Watch",
"tagline": "Deeply-reported investigative journalism",
"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/On-Our-Watch-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg",
"imageAlt": "On Our Watch from NPR and KQED",
"officialWebsiteLink": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"meta": {
"site": "news",
"source": "kqed",
"order": 11
},
"link": "/podcasts/onourwatch",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1567098962",
"google": "https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5ucHIub3JnLzUxMDM2MC9wb2RjYXN0LnhtbD9zYz1nb29nbGVwb2RjYXN0cw",
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}
},
"on-the-media": {
"id": "on-the-media",
"title": "On The Media",
"info": "Our weekly podcast explores how the media 'sausage' is made, casts an incisive eye on fluctuations in the marketplace of ideas, and examines threats to the freedom of information and expression in America and abroad. For one hour a week, the show tries to lift the veil from the process of \"making media,\" especially news media, because it's through that lens that we see the world and the world sees us",
"airtime": "SUN 2pm-3pm, MON 12am-1am",
"imageSrc": "https://ww2.kqed.org/radio/wp-content/uploads/sites/50/2018/04/onTheMedia.png",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/otm",
"meta": {
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"source": "wnyc"
},
"link": "/radio/program/on-the-media",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-media/id73330715?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/On-the-Media-p69/",
"rss": "http://feeds.wnyc.org/onthemedia"
}
},
"pbs-newshour": {
"id": "pbs-newshour",
"title": "PBS NewsHour",
"info": "Analysis, background reports and updates from the PBS NewsHour putting today's news in context.",
"airtime": "MON-FRI 3pm-4pm",
"imageSrc": "https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/PBS-News-Hour-Podcast-Tile-360x360-1.jpg",
"officialWebsiteLink": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/",
"meta": {
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"source": "pbs"
},
"link": "/radio/program/pbs-newshour",
"subscribe": {
"apple": "https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pbs-newshour-full-show/id394432287?mt=2",
"tuneIn": "https://tunein.com/radio/PBS-NewsHour---Full-Show-p425698/",
"rss": "https://www.pbs.org/newshour/feeds/rss/podcasts/show"
}
},
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