'Les Miserables' Episode 5 Recap: He's Just Not That Into You
'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin
'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him
'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?
'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart
Les Miserables, Now Less Miserably White
What’s Our Problem with Anne Hathaway?
Why Argo Might Win the Oscar for Best Picture (for All the Wrong Reasons)
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"disqusTitle": "'Les Miserables' Episode 5 Recap: He's Just Not That Into You",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 5 Recap: He's Just Not That Into You",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>a teen Cosette was scandalized by her friends talking about wanting to have sex with their cousins:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/what-is-sex-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A nun rocked our worlds by rocking the fly-est headware ever:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111567\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"752\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg 752w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 752px) 100vw, 752px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert tried to be a fashion influencer too and failed spectacularly:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111570\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg 434w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis-160x143.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 434px) 100vw, 434px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Olivia Colman and her rotten family reemerged:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqVMhN-Yit4\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inspiring Jean Valjean to go from this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111568\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-jean-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/dont-fuck-with-me-fellas.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"463\" height=\"260\">\u003cbr>\nWill Javert finally catch up with Jean Valjean? Will Cosette and Marius lose their V cards? Will Olivia Colman and her husband die in a very painful way while I watch, smiling and eating popcorn? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Surprise! Everyone in Paris is still miserable and poor! We, the viewers, are tired of it, and so are the characters themselves. Shouts of revolution rise up in the streets, as a man tacks up Wanted posters starring our guy, Jean Valjean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1016\" height=\"464\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM.png 1016w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-768x351.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1016px) 100vw, 1016px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As far as mugshots go, I think Jean looks great!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could've been a lot worse, as Nick Nolte can attest:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111902\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"236\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots.jpg 236w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots-160x167.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 236px) 100vw, 236px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at police headquarters, Javert is still barking about finding and punishing Jean Valjean. His officers are like, \u003cem>Cute vendetta or whatever, but shouldn't we focus on squelching this burgeoning revolution instead? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert doesn't care about the people rising up to overthrow the monarchy; he wants Jean Valjean in chains and he wants it now!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38959\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/veruca-salt-i-want-it-now.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"343\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Jean Valjean is across town minding his own business and thinking:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111903\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/why-are-you-so-obsessed-with-me-mariah.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"267\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a prison cell mosh pit from hell, Olivia Colman isn't having a very good day:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111904\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/olivia-colman-les-mis-jail.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111905\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/its-what-she-deserves-kim-kardashian-smile-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"331\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Mr. Colman has already managed to escape.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-god-please-no-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"196\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because nothing good can ever happen on this show, Mr. Colman and some of his remaining goons plan on a home invasion to get even with Jean Valjean. Cut to Jean Valjean announcing that he's going on a little getaway for a few days and leaving Cosette home alone!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111906\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/home-alone-screan.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"260\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Cosette hears rustling outside her bedroom window. If this turns into a rape scene, I am no longer recapping this show. I mean it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111907\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-i-wont-do-it.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"378\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thankfully, it's just Marius leaving some very bad poetry for Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Shall I put my tongue in thy mouth?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Cosette doesn't get out much, she is bowled over by his verse. The next day, she waits for him in the garden and, upon seeing him, says, \"What's the matter? I can't feel...\" and promptly faints.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111914\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/wendy-williams-faint.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Virgins are something else.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the center of town, Olivia Colman's youngest son (we'll call him Lil Colman) does a little pick-pocketing and uses the money to buy some bread for two orphans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111915\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/bread-loaf.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"207\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Random, but nice!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Lil Colman's sister, Wall Finger (are there no other people in this town?!), watches Marius break into Cosette's property by slipping through a wonky party of the perimeter fence. \"So that's how you do it!\" she says to herself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two thoughts for her:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>YOU BETTER NOT TELL YOUR TRIFLING DAD!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>You really should read this book:\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png 740w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM-160x164.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 340px) 100vw, 340px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speak of the devil, Mr. Colman and his Goon Squad show up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111917\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/get-out-of-my-life-napoleon-dynamite.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"469\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger tells them to scram. When they refuse, she screams loud enough to alert a neighborhood dog. Okay, I owe someone an apology. My bad!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111918\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/i-was-wrong.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"432\" height=\"320\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of the wall, Cosette tells Marius that Jean has returned and plans on moving her to England, where hopefully people aren't so miserable. Cosette and Marius vow to find a way to stay together because hanging out for a collective 6 minutes in the 19th century was engagement territory back then.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Wall Finger knocks on Jean's window and lets him know he should GTFO if he doesn't want to have to Hulk out on her dad and his friends again. I'm proud of Wall Finger for continuing to prove me wrong! Sure, part of her reason for warning Jean is keeping Cosette and Marius apart, but there are other British fish in the sea! Cosette will be fine! Get out while y'all still can! I can't take much more of this stress!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111919\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/drink-wine-stressed-anxious.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's been a minute since we've seen Marius' grandfather. Let's check in to see how he's doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111921\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1020x464.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"291\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1020x464.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-800x364.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-768x349.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1200x546.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM.png 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Aw, he got a makeover! Look at those threads!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He's smiling because Marius has returned! But his smile doesn't last long. When Marius asks for permission to marry Cosette (slow your roll; you don't even know her zodiac sign yet!), Grandpa suggests putting Cosette in a nice apartment and keeping her as a mistress f**k buddy (which reminds me that we never got to see karma catch up with Cosette's dad, Felix, grrrrr). Marius is outraged and storms out, leaving Grandpa to cry all over his cute new outfit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Cosette writes Marius a love letter letting him know the address of the new apartment she and Jean are moving to for safety (sure, put that in writing and leave it outside for Javert or Mr. Colman to find; did those nuns not teach her anything?!). Wall Finger immediately intercepts Cosette's letter. Like Javert, this girl really needs to get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111324\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-get-a-hobby-rhony-bethenny.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, the revolution has begun. Soldiers are getting rocked and dragged (literally):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111930\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-rock.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111934\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-drag.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius' revolutionary friends set up a barricade next to a pub, cause if you're planning on being blown to bits, might as well enjoy yummy cocktails while you're at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111924\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/julia-louis-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"512\" height=\"288\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert goes undercover with the revolutionaries, not to foil their plan, but to find Jean Valjean. Give it a rest!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111325\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-loser-ramona-rhony.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite all the violence in the streets, Cosette tries to go out and find Marius because dumb virgins gonna dumb virgin. Thankfully, Jean Valjean stops her just in time, only to be rewarded with an \"I HATE YOU!!!\" Fantine's ghost is shaking her heard in heaven right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Jean and Cosette's old apartment, Marius thinks Cosette is already in England and screams her name, while Wall Finger watches from behind a bush.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111925\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/kim-kardashian-peeking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"239\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger tries to make him feel better:\u003cem> So what if your girl bounced without saying goodbye; we can still have fun. Your friends are in a cul de sac waiting to die. Let's go hang with them before they're murdered in the streets as our first date!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius doesn't find this very romantic. \"I've lost everything. My life is over.\" Wall Finger hears this and thinks, \u003cem>So I still have a chance! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For real. I'm sure there is a French translation of this book. Please go to the nearest library and get it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png 740w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM-160x164.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 340px) 100vw, 340px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the barricade, Lil Colman sees Javert wearing an unconvincing \u003cem>I'm-poor-too\u003c/em> hat and tells the head revolutionary that he is literally the head of police. They immediately seize him and Javert continues being a broken record: \u003cem>WHERE IS HE? YOUR LEADER?!? JEAN VALJEAN! HE STOLE A PIECE OF BREAD 30 YEARS AGO! AHHHHH!!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62797\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"272\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sensing my overflowing annoyance with Javert, Lil Colman offers to shoot him with a huge grin on his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111933\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-can-i-shoot-him.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The grown-ups don't let him, but it's the thought that counts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, the army attacks the barricade and things aren't looking so good, until Marius arrives and threatens to blow himself and everyone else up unless the army retreats. They don't take him seriously until he makes these hilarious, crazy faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111932\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-weird-face.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111931\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-weird-face-2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the army retreats, the revolutionaries are too busy cheering to notice the dying officer with his gun pointed right at Marius! He shoots! Marius is confused because he doesn't have a wound. That's when a voice comes from below. \u003cem>Yo! Down here, bleeding to death! It's me, Wall Finger!\u003c/em> She took the bullet for him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger gives Marius Cosette's letter, asks for a kiss on the forehead, says \"I really did love you\" and then dies, unloved. A complicated hero. I stan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20661\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius kisses her on the forehead and, one second later, thinks, \u003cem>Anyway! Cosette! Yayyyy! \u003c/em>He asks Lil Colman to take a letter to her that reads: \u003cem>Sup? Glad you're still in town. I'm probably about to die just cause, but if I survive, we should go on a real date or something!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Cosette can read it, the message is intercepted by Jean (don't these people know opening someone else's mail is a crime?!). Jean is mad that his sweet, dumb virgin daughter likes a boy, so he sets off for the barricade to beat him up or kill him, I guess. The only problem is that's where Javert is! Oh, and that whole army about to bomb the barricade off the map any minute thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111926\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/this-is-the-worst-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next time! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Need a laugh or two after this stressful episode? This recap has your back!",
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"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 5 Recap: He's Just Not That Into You | KQED",
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"headline": "'Les Miserables' Episode 5 Recap: He's Just Not That Into You",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>a teen Cosette was scandalized by her friends talking about wanting to have sex with their cousins:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/what-is-sex-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A nun rocked our worlds by rocking the fly-est headware ever:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111567\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"752\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg 752w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 752px) 100vw, 752px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert tried to be a fashion influencer too and failed spectacularly:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111570\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg 434w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis-160x143.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 434px) 100vw, 434px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Olivia Colman and her rotten family reemerged:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/xqVMhN-Yit4'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/xqVMhN-Yit4'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Inspiring Jean Valjean to go from this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111568\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-jean-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/dont-fuck-with-me-fellas.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"463\" height=\"260\">\u003cbr>\nWill Javert finally catch up with Jean Valjean? Will Cosette and Marius lose their V cards? Will Olivia Colman and her husband die in a very painful way while I watch, smiling and eating popcorn? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Surprise! Everyone in Paris is still miserable and poor! We, the viewers, are tired of it, and so are the characters themselves. Shouts of revolution rise up in the streets, as a man tacks up Wanted posters starring our guy, Jean Valjean.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111901\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1016\" height=\"464\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM.png 1016w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-17-at-2.10.10-PM-768x351.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1016px) 100vw, 1016px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As far as mugshots go, I think Jean looks great!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It could've been a lot worse, as Nick Nolte can attest:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111902\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"236\" height=\"247\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots.jpg 236w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/8d93683b236280b6412de0c5d067c3c8-funny-mugshots-celebrity-mugshots-160x167.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 236px) 100vw, 236px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at police headquarters, Javert is still barking about finding and punishing Jean Valjean. His officers are like, \u003cem>Cute vendetta or whatever, but shouldn't we focus on squelching this burgeoning revolution instead? \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert doesn't care about the people rising up to overthrow the monarchy; he wants Jean Valjean in chains and he wants it now!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38959\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/veruca-salt-i-want-it-now.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"343\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Jean Valjean is across town minding his own business and thinking:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111903\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/why-are-you-so-obsessed-with-me-mariah.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"267\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a prison cell mosh pit from hell, Olivia Colman isn't having a very good day:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111904\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/olivia-colman-les-mis-jail.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111905\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/its-what-she-deserves-kim-kardashian-smile-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"331\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Mr. Colman has already managed to escape.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-god-please-no-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"196\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because nothing good can ever happen on this show, Mr. Colman and some of his remaining goons plan on a home invasion to get even with Jean Valjean. Cut to Jean Valjean announcing that he's going on a little getaway for a few days and leaving Cosette home alone!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111906\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/home-alone-screan.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"260\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Cosette hears rustling outside her bedroom window. If this turns into a rape scene, I am no longer recapping this show. I mean it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111907\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-i-wont-do-it.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"378\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thankfully, it's just Marius leaving some very bad poetry for Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Shall I put my tongue in thy mouth?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Cosette doesn't get out much, she is bowled over by his verse. The next day, she waits for him in the garden and, upon seeing him, says, \"What's the matter? I can't feel...\" and promptly faints.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111914\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/wendy-williams-faint.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Virgins are something else.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In the center of town, Olivia Colman's youngest son (we'll call him Lil Colman) does a little pick-pocketing and uses the money to buy some bread for two orphans.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111915\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/bread-loaf.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"207\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Random, but nice!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Lil Colman's sister, Wall Finger (are there no other people in this town?!), watches Marius break into Cosette's property by slipping through a wonky party of the perimeter fence. \"So that's how you do it!\" she says to herself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Two thoughts for her:\u003c/p>\n\u003col>\n\u003cli>YOU BETTER NOT TELL YOUR TRIFLING DAD!\u003c/li>\n\u003cli>You really should read this book:\u003c/li>\n\u003c/ol>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png 740w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM-160x164.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 340px) 100vw, 340px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speak of the devil, Mr. Colman and his Goon Squad show up.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111917\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/get-out-of-my-life-napoleon-dynamite.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"469\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger tells them to scram. When they refuse, she screams loud enough to alert a neighborhood dog. Okay, I owe someone an apology. My bad!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111918\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/i-was-wrong.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"432\" height=\"320\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of the wall, Cosette tells Marius that Jean has returned and plans on moving her to England, where hopefully people aren't so miserable. Cosette and Marius vow to find a way to stay together because hanging out for a collective 6 minutes in the 19th century was engagement territory back then.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Wall Finger knocks on Jean's window and lets him know he should GTFO if he doesn't want to have to Hulk out on her dad and his friends again. I'm proud of Wall Finger for continuing to prove me wrong! Sure, part of her reason for warning Jean is keeping Cosette and Marius apart, but there are other British fish in the sea! Cosette will be fine! Get out while y'all still can! I can't take much more of this stress!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111919\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/drink-wine-stressed-anxious.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's been a minute since we've seen Marius' grandfather. Let's check in to see how he's doing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111921\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1020x464.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"291\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1020x464.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-800x364.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-768x349.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM-1200x546.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-18-at-10.56.42-PM.png 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Aw, he got a makeover! Look at those threads!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He's smiling because Marius has returned! But his smile doesn't last long. When Marius asks for permission to marry Cosette (slow your roll; you don't even know her zodiac sign yet!), Grandpa suggests putting Cosette in a nice apartment and keeping her as a mistress f**k buddy (which reminds me that we never got to see karma catch up with Cosette's dad, Felix, grrrrr). Marius is outraged and storms out, leaving Grandpa to cry all over his cute new outfit.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Cosette writes Marius a love letter letting him know the address of the new apartment she and Jean are moving to for safety (sure, put that in writing and leave it outside for Javert or Mr. Colman to find; did those nuns not teach her anything?!). Wall Finger immediately intercepts Cosette's letter. Like Javert, this girl really needs to get a hobby.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111324\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-get-a-hobby-rhony-bethenny.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In town, the revolution has begun. Soldiers are getting rocked and dragged (literally):\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111930\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-rock.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111934\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-drag.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius' revolutionary friends set up a barricade next to a pub, cause if you're planning on being blown to bits, might as well enjoy yummy cocktails while you're at it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111924\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/julia-louis-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"512\" height=\"288\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert goes undercover with the revolutionaries, not to foil their plan, but to find Jean Valjean. Give it a rest!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111325\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-loser-ramona-rhony.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite all the violence in the streets, Cosette tries to go out and find Marius because dumb virgins gonna dumb virgin. Thankfully, Jean Valjean stops her just in time, only to be rewarded with an \"I HATE YOU!!!\" Fantine's ghost is shaking her heard in heaven right now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Jean and Cosette's old apartment, Marius thinks Cosette is already in England and screams her name, while Wall Finger watches from behind a bush.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111925\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/kim-kardashian-peeking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"540\" height=\"239\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger tries to make him feel better:\u003cem> So what if your girl bounced without saying goodbye; we can still have fun. Your friends are in a cul de sac waiting to die. Let's go hang with them before they're murdered in the streets as our first date!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius doesn't find this very romantic. \"I've lost everything. My life is over.\" Wall Finger hears this and thinks, \u003cem>So I still have a chance! \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For real. I'm sure there is a French translation of this book. Please go to the nearest library and get it!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111916\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"340\" height=\"349\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM.png 740w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/Screen-Shot-2019-05-19-at-2.46.39-PM-160x164.png 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 340px) 100vw, 340px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at the barricade, Lil Colman sees Javert wearing an unconvincing \u003cem>I'm-poor-too\u003c/em> hat and tells the head revolutionary that he is literally the head of police. They immediately seize him and Javert continues being a broken record: \u003cem>WHERE IS HE? YOUR LEADER?!? JEAN VALJEAN! HE STOLE A PIECE OF BREAD 30 YEARS AGO! AHHHHH!!!!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-62797\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/02/veruca-salt.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"272\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Sensing my overflowing annoyance with Javert, Lil Colman offers to shoot him with a huge grin on his face.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111933\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-can-i-shoot-him.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The grown-ups don't let him, but it's the thought that counts.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, the army attacks the barricade and things aren't looking so good, until Marius arrives and threatens to blow himself and everyone else up unless the army retreats. They don't take him seriously until he makes these hilarious, crazy faces.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111932\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-weird-face.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111931\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-weird-face-2.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>As the army retreats, the revolutionaries are too busy cheering to notice the dying officer with his gun pointed right at Marius! He shoots! Marius is confused because he doesn't have a wound. That's when a voice comes from below. \u003cem>Yo! Down here, bleeding to death! It's me, Wall Finger!\u003c/em> She took the bullet for him!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Wall Finger gives Marius Cosette's letter, asks for a kiss on the forehead, says \"I really did love you\" and then dies, unloved. A complicated hero. I stan.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-20661\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/02/200x200px-ZC-1e7a4ded_Crying-Mariah-Carey-75x75.gif 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius kisses her on the forehead and, one second later, thinks, \u003cem>Anyway! Cosette! Yayyyy! \u003c/em>He asks Lil Colman to take a letter to her that reads: \u003cem>Sup? Glad you're still in town. I'm probably about to die just cause, but if I survive, we should go on a real date or something!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before Cosette can read it, the message is intercepted by Jean (don't these people know opening someone else's mail is a crime?!). Jean is mad that his sweet, dumb virgin daughter likes a boy, so he sets off for the barricade to beat him up or kill him, I guess. The only problem is that's where Javert is! Oh, and that whole army about to bomb the barricade off the map any minute thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111926\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/this-is-the-worst-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next time! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111562/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-4-recap-like-a-virgin\">'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>I learned that the actress who plays Fantine is Phil Collins' daughter. My mind is still very blown by that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and some plot-related stuff happened too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random dude I call Jean Fauxjean was accused of being the real Jean Valjean and was almost sent to some dungeon... until the real Jean Valjean barked at everyone...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/ENOUGH-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and revealed his true identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/real-slim-shady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"334\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Going from sentenced to free in a millisecond, Jean Fauxjean wasn't sure how to feel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/oprah-what-is-going-on-confused.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the flip side, a feeling I am VERY sure about is that I want to smash a cream pie right into the middle of Ms. Creepy Face's...um, face for refusing to let Fantine see Cosette before her death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111403\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pie-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"489\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, yeah, spoiler alert: Fantine is long gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/and-now-im-dead.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"430\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thanks to a little mouth chisel, Jean Valjean broke out of prison and also broke Cosette out of her own prison by hulking out on Mr. Olivia Colman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111393\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/hulk-punch-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette couldn't believe her good fortune.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111394\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/kacey-musgraves-what.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"286\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, it was short-lived, thanks to a neighbor who refused to mind her own business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111395\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/nosy-neighbor-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"271\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette, who has earned the right to sling curse words, called this neighbor a \"nosy old bitch.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111396\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cussing-olsen-twin.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"390\" height=\"428\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'd like to hear which curse words Cosette has reserved for Javert because he was back on his BS, chasing Jean and Cosette all over town, even banging on the door of a convent and demanding that a nun turn them over. The head nun thought about it for a second before saying:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38850\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we're all caught up, let's find out what other stressful, messed up stuff \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> has in store for us this week. On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find a teen Cosette hanging out with some friends inside their convent dorm. Cosette has friends! No one is whipping her! (We have to celebrate any ray of sunshine in this brutal ass show.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette's friends start talking about how excited they are to graduate and start sleeping around with their hot cousins. Either Cosette is not down with incest or Jean Valjean has failed to give her the birds-and-the-bees talk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/what-is-sex-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her friends don't have time to explain what sex is and why they kind of want to do it with their relatives because a nun comes in and orders them to pray. A nun in the fly-est headwear ever, I might add!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111567\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"752\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg 752w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 752px) 100vw, 752px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember what I said about reveling in whatever scrap of sunshine this show throws our way? Jean Valjean is totally on board with that. Look at him! So happy! And not a Javert in sight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111568\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-jean-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The main reason he's stoked on life is that Cosette is coming over for brunch. These two have more than earned bottomless mimosas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111569\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/bottomless-mimosas-brunch-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"426\" height=\"426\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Cosette is not in the mood for celebratory drinks. Now that she knows a little bit about sex, she's less jazzed about becoming a celibate nun for life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>I want to see the world!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>But the world is trash and full of garbage people! Remember being a child slave???\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>That was probably just an anomaly!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Tell that to Fantine's missing two front teeth! Why don't you want to stick to our plan of watching me die here and then dying later on as a really old virgin?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Because that sounds depressing?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They agree to disagree.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Javert receives a medal of \u003cdel>dis\u003c/del>honor for being great at ruining lives over the pettiest of crimes. He tries to have a special chapeau moment like the nun from earlier in the episode and fails.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111570\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg 434w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis-160x143.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 434px) 100vw, 434px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Javert gets back to his office, all his coworker buddies are like, \u003cem>Way to go, dude! Let's party!\u003c/em> But Javert is in full pout mode. \"I shall never be in peace until Jean Valjean is back in chains!\" It was one little coin and one measly piece of bread. GET OVER IT!!!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a church nearby, a grown-up Marius Pontmercy prays that all of that wine-drinking he did as a child didn't affect his brain too much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his way out, Marius meets an old man who really wants to gossip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Old Gossip:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Breaking news! Your dad used to watch you every week from behind that pillar! Napoleon actually rules! And your grandfather is a piece of merde!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius is as mind blown as I am over the whole Phil Collins daughter thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius marches on over to his grandfather's house and lets him have it:\u003cem> I thought the thing you were most terrible at was applying makeup, but I was wrong! You're even worse at being a decent human being! P.S. The king can choke!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gramps serves Marius an eviction notice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111590\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/get-out-cersei-game-of-thrones.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the convent, Jean Valjean is now in support of Cosette not dying a very old virgin, so they move out. Cosette is immediately taken aback by all the beggars, prostitutes and dead bodies in the streets. But she's in much better spirits once she gets to a gentrified neighborhood and sees how Instagrammable the door to their new apartment is. Jean Valjean has taste!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111571\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1018\" height=\"462\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid.png 1018w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-800x363.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-768x349.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1018px) 100vw, 1018px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a less photogenic part of Paris, Marius moves into a slum and meets his new landlord, who just so happens to be the \"nosy old bitch\" from the last episode!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqVMhN-Yit4\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, while sitting in his apartment trying to decide whether he's #TeamRoyalism, #TeamNapoleon or #TeamDemocracy, a creepy finger pokes through the wall, as if to say *Adele voice* \u003cem>Hello from the other siiiiiiide\u003c/em>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111585\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/creepy-finger-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a girl who randomly offers a little striptease. Based on how small the world of this show is, I bet it's one of Olivia Colman's daughters. Do not want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111572\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/hard-pass-do-not-want-no.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Instagrammable Door HQ, Cosette is already unsatisfied with her new life. She misses chatting about sex with girls her own age. Where's AOL Instant Messenger when you need it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She also wants less virgin-y clothes, so Jean takes her shopping and fake smiles all the way through her makeover montage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111582\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fake-smile-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Luxembourg Gardens, Marius spots Cosette debuting her new look, intuits that she's an antsy virgin like him and starts stalking her. After a handkerchief falls, Marius rushes to return it, but not before taking a big, horny sniff of it first. Cosette is like, \u003cem>Chill, that's my dad's\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111574\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/smell-foot.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"522\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The park is teeming with cops, so Jean Valjean rushes Cosette home, which evokes a bratty tantrum.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \"This place is like a prison!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"You have no idea what a prison is!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Jean waking Cosette at dawn to witness a procession of chained prisoners being abused and dragged through the streets. Unfortunately, instead of taking away a better understanding of the prison industrial complex and how cruel humans can be to each other, the takeaway for Cosette is \u003cem>Ewwwwwww, they're gross!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \"I think if I crossed paths with one of those men, I would die, just from looking them in the face.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean is too busy blinking in disbelief to respond to her convict hateration.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111581\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/blink-guy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"195\" height=\"229\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at a brothel nightclub, Marius is scandalized by being in the midst of Ms. Wall Finger and a lot of other people who've had sex before. He rushes home and tries to sleep it off, only to wake to Ms. Wall Finger in his room. Did she not see the doormat?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111583\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1200x1200.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After seducing him doesn't work, Ms. Wall Finger hands him a note from her dad that reads: \u003cem>Give me money just cause. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius hands over some change and a little extra for Ms. Wall Finger. Moments later, Marius looks through the Adele peephole and watches her father take her coin away and beat her. Her father is none other than—we all guessed it—Mr. Colman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-god-please-no-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"196\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, Cosette is still ranting about how yucky incarcerated men are and how they must be monsters to be treated like that, when Ms. Wall Finger rolls up with a note from her dad asking for money. Jean Valjean promises to come over later that day. Well, I hope you all enjoyed those ray of sunshine moments earlier because things are about to get \u003cdel>les\u003c/del> miserable\u003cdel>s\u003c/del> again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106653\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/why-conan-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette tries to warn Jean that Ms. Wall Finger gives off a very bad vibe, but Jean thinks she's just being bougie again and tells her they're definitely going over there later to get scammed, blackmailed and possibly even murdered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few moments after stepping into the Colmans' shack and realizing who they are, Jean takes a moment to consider what an unforced error he just crafted for himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111592\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/ive-made-a-huge-mistake-arrested-development.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"283\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean promises to return later that evening to pay a bunch of hush money and then gets Cosette the hell out of there. Behind the wall, Marius overhears the Colmans plotting to murder Jean. But I'm not that stressed 'cause surely Marius will just track Cosette and Jean down and warn them, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>UGHHHH. MARIUS GOES TO JAVERT. YOU HAD ONE JOB, MARIUS! AND YOU SCREWED IT UP! YOU'RE A VIRGIN WHO CAN'T DRIVE! *PRIMAL SCREAM*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert advises Marius to take two guns and watch from his Adele peephole until Mr. Colman and his buddies start trying to kill Jean. Then, Marius should shoot off a round or two in the ceiling. Ummm, can someone take away Javert's medal of honor now? This plan is bonkers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, when Jean arrives, he's quickly surrounded by goons. They tie him down and Mr. Colman taunts Jean with a hot poker and rambles about saving Marius' dad back in the day. Marius hears this and believes the tall tale because he's a dumb virgin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111593\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/youre-stupid-drunk-parks-and-rec-amy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"130\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I've had enough of this episode and so has Jean, who beats everyone up with only one hand. For good measure, he takes the hot poker and burns himself on the arm just to let everyone know he used to be this guy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In summary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/dont-fuck-with-me-fellas.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"463\" height=\"260\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius finally decides to shoot his guns (thanks for nothing, bro) and the place is stormed by Javert and a flood of cops. All the goons are still spooked by the maniac who just burned himself with a hot poker, so they just run around in circles until they're arrested. Jean, on the other hand, doesn't have time for a third incarceration so he does what he has to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111595\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/jump-out-window-break-glass.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"222\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That evening, at the prison, Javert visits Mr. Colman and demands to know everything. Thank goodness this episode is over because all this stress is driving me to drink!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111596\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/stressed-out-margarita-bad-girls-club.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Pretty Much Everyone. \u003c/strong>I don't feel like I even need to explain this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Old Gossip. \u003c/strong>This random guy held onto some very hot goss for over a decade and then unleashed it at exactly the right time. He's messy. He's random. And I love him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Cosette.\u003c/strong> Deciding not to die an old virgin was a solid choice. Congrats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: That Nun's Hat. \u003c/strong>Nope, I'm still not over it. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Jean Valjean\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">He's a great guardian and a lovable gentle giant (when he's not burning off his own flesh), but this award is mostly for his ability to find such an Instagrammable apartment. Double tap!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Need a laugh or two after this week's stressful episode? This recap has your back!",
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"description": "Need a laugh or two after this week's stressful episode? This recap has your back!",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin | KQED",
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"headline": "'Les Miserables' Episode 4 Recap: Like A Virgin",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>I learned that the actress who plays Fantine is Phil Collins' daughter. My mind is still very blown by that.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, and some plot-related stuff happened too.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A random dude I call Jean Fauxjean was accused of being the real Jean Valjean and was almost sent to some dungeon... until the real Jean Valjean barked at everyone...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/ENOUGH-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and revealed his true identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/real-slim-shady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"334\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Going from sentenced to free in a millisecond, Jean Fauxjean wasn't sure how to feel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/oprah-what-is-going-on-confused.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the flip side, a feeling I am VERY sure about is that I want to smash a cream pie right into the middle of Ms. Creepy Face's...um, face for refusing to let Fantine see Cosette before her death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111403\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pie-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"489\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, yeah, spoiler alert: Fantine is long gone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/and-now-im-dead.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"430\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thanks to a little mouth chisel, Jean Valjean broke out of prison and also broke Cosette out of her own prison by hulking out on Mr. Olivia Colman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111393\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/hulk-punch-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette couldn't believe her good fortune.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111394\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/kacey-musgraves-what.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"286\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, it was short-lived, thanks to a neighbor who refused to mind her own business.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111395\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/nosy-neighbor-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"271\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette, who has earned the right to sling curse words, called this neighbor a \"nosy old bitch.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111396\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cussing-olsen-twin.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"390\" height=\"428\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'd like to hear which curse words Cosette has reserved for Javert because he was back on his BS, chasing Jean and Cosette all over town, even banging on the door of a convent and demanding that a nun turn them over. The head nun thought about it for a second before saying:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38850\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Now that we're all caught up, let's find out what other stressful, messed up stuff \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> has in store for us this week. On with the show!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find a teen Cosette hanging out with some friends inside their convent dorm. Cosette has friends! No one is whipping her! (We have to celebrate any ray of sunshine in this brutal ass show.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette's friends start talking about how excited they are to graduate and start sleeping around with their hot cousins. Either Cosette is not down with incest or Jean Valjean has failed to give her the birds-and-the-bees talk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111566\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/what-is-sex-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Her friends don't have time to explain what sex is and why they kind of want to do it with their relatives because a nun comes in and orders them to pray. A nun in the fly-est headwear ever, I might add!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111567\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"752\" height=\"448\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis.jpg 752w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/nun-hat-les-mis-160x95.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 752px) 100vw, 752px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Remember what I said about reveling in whatever scrap of sunshine this show throws our way? Jean Valjean is totally on board with that. Look at him! So happy! And not a Javert in sight!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111568\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/les-mis-jean-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The main reason he's stoked on life is that Cosette is coming over for brunch. These two have more than earned bottomless mimosas.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111569\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/bottomless-mimosas-brunch-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"426\" height=\"426\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Cosette is not in the mood for celebratory drinks. Now that she knows a little bit about sex, she's less jazzed about becoming a celibate nun for life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>I want to see the world!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>But the world is trash and full of garbage people! Remember being a child slave???\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>That was probably just an anomaly!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Tell that to Fantine's missing two front teeth! Why don't you want to stick to our plan of watching me die here and then dying later on as a really old virgin?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Because that sounds depressing?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They agree to disagree.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Across town, Javert receives a medal of \u003cdel>dis\u003c/del>honor for being great at ruining lives over the pettiest of crimes. He tries to have a special chapeau moment like the nun from earlier in the episode and fails.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111570\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"434\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis.jpg 434w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fail-les-mis-160x143.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 434px) 100vw, 434px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Javert gets back to his office, all his coworker buddies are like, \u003cem>Way to go, dude! Let's party!\u003c/em> But Javert is in full pout mode. \"I shall never be in peace until Jean Valjean is back in chains!\" It was one little coin and one measly piece of bread. GET OVER IT!!!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a church nearby, a grown-up Marius Pontmercy prays that all of that wine-drinking he did as a child didn't affect his brain too much.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On his way out, Marius meets an old man who really wants to gossip.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Old Gossip:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Breaking news! Your dad used to watch you every week from behind that pillar! Napoleon actually rules! And your grandfather is a piece of merde!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius is as mind blown as I am over the whole Phil Collins daughter thing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius marches on over to his grandfather's house and lets him have it:\u003cem> I thought the thing you were most terrible at was applying makeup, but I was wrong! You're even worse at being a decent human being! P.S. The king can choke!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Gramps serves Marius an eviction notice.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111590\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/get-out-cersei-game-of-thrones.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back at the convent, Jean Valjean is now in support of Cosette not dying a very old virgin, so they move out. Cosette is immediately taken aback by all the beggars, prostitutes and dead bodies in the streets. But she's in much better spirits once she gets to a gentrified neighborhood and sees how Instagrammable the door to their new apartment is. Jean Valjean has taste!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111571\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1018\" height=\"462\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid.png 1018w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-800x363.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/door-les-mid-768x349.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1018px) 100vw, 1018px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In a less photogenic part of Paris, Marius moves into a slum and meets his new landlord, who just so happens to be the \"nosy old bitch\" from the last episode!\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/xqVMhN-Yit4'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/xqVMhN-Yit4'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>That night, while sitting in his apartment trying to decide whether he's #TeamRoyalism, #TeamNapoleon or #TeamDemocracy, a creepy finger pokes through the wall, as if to say *Adele voice* \u003cem>Hello from the other siiiiiiide\u003c/em>!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111585\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/creepy-finger-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's a girl who randomly offers a little striptease. Based on how small the world of this show is, I bet it's one of Olivia Colman's daughters. Do not want!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111572\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/hard-pass-do-not-want-no.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at Instagrammable Door HQ, Cosette is already unsatisfied with her new life. She misses chatting about sex with girls her own age. Where's AOL Instant Messenger when you need it?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She also wants less virgin-y clothes, so Jean takes her shopping and fake smiles all the way through her makeover montage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111582\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/fake-smile-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the Luxembourg Gardens, Marius spots Cosette debuting her new look, intuits that she's an antsy virgin like him and starts stalking her. After a handkerchief falls, Marius rushes to return it, but not before taking a big, horny sniff of it first. Cosette is like, \u003cem>Chill, that's my dad's\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111574\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/smell-foot.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"522\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The park is teeming with cops, so Jean Valjean rushes Cosette home, which evokes a bratty tantrum.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \"This place is like a prison!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"You have no idea what a prison is!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Jean waking Cosette at dawn to witness a procession of chained prisoners being abused and dragged through the streets. Unfortunately, instead of taking away a better understanding of the prison industrial complex and how cruel humans can be to each other, the takeaway for Cosette is \u003cem>Ewwwwwww, they're gross!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Cosette:\u003c/strong> \"I think if I crossed paths with one of those men, I would die, just from looking them in the face.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean is too busy blinking in disbelief to respond to her convict hateration.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111581\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/blink-guy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"195\" height=\"229\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at a brothel nightclub, Marius is scandalized by being in the midst of Ms. Wall Finger and a lot of other people who've had sex before. He rushes home and tries to sleep it off, only to wake to Ms. Wall Finger in his room. Did she not see the doormat?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111583\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1020x1020.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"640\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1020x1020.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-160x160.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-800x800.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-768x768.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again-1200x1200.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/oh-no-not-you-again.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After seducing him doesn't work, Ms. Wall Finger hands him a note from her dad that reads: \u003cem>Give me money just cause. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius hands over some change and a little extra for Ms. Wall Finger. Moments later, Marius looks through the Adele peephole and watches her father take her coin away and beat her. Her father is none other than—we all guessed it—Mr. Colman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111591\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/no-god-please-no-the-office.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"196\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the other side of town, Cosette is still ranting about how yucky incarcerated men are and how they must be monsters to be treated like that, when Ms. Wall Finger rolls up with a note from her dad asking for money. Jean Valjean promises to come over later that day. Well, I hope you all enjoyed those ray of sunshine moments earlier because things are about to get \u003cdel>les\u003c/del> miserable\u003cdel>s\u003c/del> again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106653\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/why-conan-crying-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette tries to warn Jean that Ms. Wall Finger gives off a very bad vibe, but Jean thinks she's just being bougie again and tells her they're definitely going over there later to get scammed, blackmailed and possibly even murdered.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few moments after stepping into the Colmans' shack and realizing who they are, Jean takes a moment to consider what an unforced error he just crafted for himself.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111592\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/ive-made-a-huge-mistake-arrested-development.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"283\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean promises to return later that evening to pay a bunch of hush money and then gets Cosette the hell out of there. Behind the wall, Marius overhears the Colmans plotting to murder Jean. But I'm not that stressed 'cause surely Marius will just track Cosette and Jean down and warn them, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>UGHHHH. MARIUS GOES TO JAVERT. YOU HAD ONE JOB, MARIUS! AND YOU SCREWED IT UP! YOU'RE A VIRGIN WHO CAN'T DRIVE! *PRIMAL SCREAM*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert advises Marius to take two guns and watch from his Adele peephole until Mr. Colman and his buddies start trying to kill Jean. Then, Marius should shoot off a round or two in the ceiling. Ummm, can someone take away Javert's medal of honor now? This plan is bonkers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, when Jean arrives, he's quickly surrounded by goons. They tie him down and Mr. Colman taunts Jean with a hot poker and rambles about saving Marius' dad back in the day. Marius hears this and believes the tall tale because he's a dumb virgin.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111593\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/youre-stupid-drunk-parks-and-rec-amy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"130\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I've had enough of this episode and so has Jean, who beats everyone up with only one hand. For good measure, he takes the hot poker and burns himself on the arm just to let everyone know he used to be this guy:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In summary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111594\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/dont-fuck-with-me-fellas.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"463\" height=\"260\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius finally decides to shoot his guns (thanks for nothing, bro) and the place is stormed by Javert and a flood of cops. All the goons are still spooked by the maniac who just burned himself with a hot poker, so they just run around in circles until they're arrested. Jean, on the other hand, doesn't have time for a third incarceration so he does what he has to do.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111595\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/jump-out-window-break-glass.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"222\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That evening, at the prison, Javert visits Mr. Colman and demands to know everything. Thank goodness this episode is over because all this stress is driving me to drink!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111596\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/05/stressed-out-margarita-bad-girls-club.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Pretty Much Everyone. \u003c/strong>I don't feel like I even need to explain this one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Old Gossip. \u003c/strong>This random guy held onto some very hot goss for over a decade and then unleashed it at exactly the right time. He's messy. He's random. And I love him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>BRONZE: Cosette.\u003c/strong> Deciding not to die an old virgin was a solid choice. Congrats.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: That Nun's Hat. \u003c/strong>Nope, I'm still not over it. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Jean Valjean\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">He's a great guardian and a lovable gentle giant (when he's not burning off his own flesh), but this award is mostly for his ability to find such an Instagrammable apartment. Double tap!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111351/les-miserables-bbc-pbs-episode-3-recap-i-will-follow-him\">'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>Fantine effortlessly bounced back from her breakup with Felix and treated herself by getting a fun 1990s makeover!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111286\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg 876w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-160x209.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-800x1043.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-768x1001.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Juuuuust kidding. A scammer played by Olivia Colman took one look at Fantine and Cosette, saw money signs and decided to ruin their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111280\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman-les-miserables-fantine-cosette-pbs.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"374\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Olivia Colman couldn't destroy their lives by herself. She also had the help of this creepy-faced woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-weird-lady-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"224\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of creepy faces, Pontmercy Grandpa's mug was really something last episode. I can see why the \u003cem>RuPaul's Drag Race\u003c/em> casting director rejected him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111299\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"772\" height=\"466\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png 772w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-768x464.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 772px) 100vw, 772px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beware of learning makeup skills from YouTube tutorials made by these two:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111304\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"539\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-160x157.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111303\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1200x900.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the flip side, Jean Valjean underwent quite the glow-up, going from Red Hulk:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To Hubba Hubba Hulk:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111321\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-1020x474.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"297\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-160x74.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-800x372.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-768x357.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not only did his complexion greatly improve, but he also transformed into the Oprah of Montreuil, handing out jobs to anyone and everyone:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111294\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-get-a-oprah-car-job.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I could go on about the more terrible things that happened last episode (Fantine's visit to the hairdresser! Fantine's visit to the dentist! Fantine's visit to her death bed!), but I've already done that in \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">the last recap\u003c/a>. Also, this gif I made pretty much sums it all up:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111339\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/me-watching-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What absurdly tragic things will occur this week? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find Fantine where we left her, on her death bed, struggling to breathe. A nurse tells her that Jean Valjean has gone to fetch Cosette. She cracks a small smile, just like I might crack open an alcoholic drink to deal with another hour of French misery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's distract ourselves for a moment with a fun fact (brought to my attention by Maryanne, a reader of the last recap): The actress who plays Fantine is PHIL COLLINS' DAUGHTER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone else whose mind is being blown: Jean Fauxjean, the random man wrongly accused of being Prisoner #24601. Javert and three prisoners all give sworn testimonies that sound like this: \"Is that Jean Valjean? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but let's go with yes!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right before Jean Fauxjean is sentenced in draconian fashion, the real Jean Valjean loses his cool.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/ENOUGH-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And reveals his true identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/real-slim-shady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"334\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean calls out the three lying prisoners by mentioning factoids he knows about each of them. \u003cem>Hey, Prisoner #24602, you have a tramp stamp tattoo! And Prisoner #24603, your favorite Spice Girl is Sporty! And Prisoner #24604, you hate cilantro! \u003c/em>Everyone in the courthouse is shook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Fauxjean's reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/oprah-what-is-going-on-confused.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inspector Javert's reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38941\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While being taken to prison in cuffs, Jean Valjean spots Ms. Creepy Face in the crowd and asks if she went to fetch Cosette as he asked. She didn't because she's a monster. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111403\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pie-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"489\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean doesn't have a pie handy so he smashes past the guards and chases her trifling, no good butt down!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111385\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean-running.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's not worth the trouble, so he lets her go and rushes to Fantine's bedside. Jean and the nurse give Fantine a reason to live by saying Cosette is there and will come in once she gets better. Enter Javert who barks about how Fantine and Jean Valjean are \"the scum of the earth.\" Um, dude, the woman has no teeth and is gasping for her last breaths, maybe consider dialing down the evil just a smidge?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert hates that idea and dials the evil up to 15, revealing to Fantine that Jean Valjean never went to get Cosette. Having had quite enough of everyone being the absolute worst, Fantine cashes in her one-way ticket to heaven.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/and-now-im-dead.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"430\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Javert is a sociopath, he responds with, \"She's dead and you're my prisoner!\" Someone, please throw a dead horse on this man! Jean Valjean's hands are cuffed, which makes throwing animal corpses very difficult, so he settles for screaming in his general direction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111387\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/jean-valjean-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the prison, they roughly chop off Jean Valjean's hair (they could have given him flattering layers but nooooo) and throw him in with Tramp Stamp, Sporty Spice Lover, Cilantro Hater and all the other prisoners. Jean Valjean tests one of the bars to see if it's loose. It isn't, but no worries; Jean managed to smuggle a chisel in his mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, TWO YEARS PASS. So I'm guessing that chisel plan didn't work out? Fantine's ghost is like this right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-103627\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/05/judge-judy-watch-impatient-annoyed-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside of the Colman's inn, a busted-looking Cosette is doing hard labor when she spots a doll pop-up shop. It belongs to the creep who bought Fantine's hair and teeth. Cosette is captivated by one particular doll. Before she can realize, \u003cem>Hey, that's my mom's hair, you jerk!\u003c/em>, Olivia Colman shows up and beats Cosette for not working hard enough. Where's a cream pie when you need one?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside the inn, Olivia Colman chases Cosette around and whips her, while everyone cheers. Someone fetch me a time machine. I'm ready to help.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111389\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/want-me-to-kill-them.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, while fetching water at the creek, a shadowy figure appears behind Cosette. It's Jean Valjean! Sorry I doubted you, little mouth chisel!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean helps Cosette haul the buckets back to the inn and quickly learns that her caretakers belong in the ninth circle of Hell (the one reserved for treachery; I looked it up). He notices that the Colman's two daughters don't have to work and have fancy dolls, so Jean Valjean says, \u003cem>Hold my beer\u003c/em>, leaves for a few minutes and comes back with a doll for Cosette. It's the one made with Fantine's hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111390\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/burst-into-tears.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"I have a wish to see the child playing.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Olivia Colman:\u003c/strong> \"And who is going to serve you your supper?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"You, madam. Now bring me my supper, woman.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111391\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-her-jade-coco-montrese.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"322\" height=\"248\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Mr. Colman shows Jean Valjean to his room and offers to prostitute Cosette out to him for a price. Sorry, I don't make the rules, but the Colmans officially have to die now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111388\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-kill-them-no-naomi.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead, Jean Valjean pays them a crazy amount of money to adopt Cosette. Not exactly what I had in mind, but this will do, I suppose. (Although, for real, they should die.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few minutes after Jean Valjean and Cosette leave, Mr. Colman catches up with them. He wants even more money and pulls a gun on them. OMG, DIE ALREADY! Time to hulk out, Jean. SMASH HIM!!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111393\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/hulk-punch-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean knocks the gun away and puts Mr. Colman in a choke-hold and scares him off. Again, not exactly what I had in mind, but I'll take whatever morsel of good I can get out of this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-101635\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/02/yay1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"381\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean and Cosette make their way to Paris. When they arrive, Cosette asks if she still has to be a child slave. Jean Valjean replies, \"No, you don't have to sweep or go to the wood to fetch water. You don't have to do anything, except eat and sleep and play.\" Cosette is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111394\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/kacey-musgraves-what.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"286\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We get a cozy montage of Cosette learning new things, being happy and showing off her new dad around town. Can the story just end here, before any more bad stuff can happen?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nope! A neighbor is already snooping around and asking too many questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111395\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/nosy-neighbor-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"271\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette calls her a \"nosy old bitch.\" If any child has earned the right to sling curse words, it's for sure Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111396\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cussing-olsen-twin.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"390\" height=\"428\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the police headquarters (ughhhhh, here we go again). Javert is back on his bullshit, \u003cdel>destroying lives for fun\u003c/del> implementing the law. After reading an incident report from the Colmans about how someone abducted Cosette, Javert looks into the claim and quickly realizes the Colmans are scammers. Great, so that means he'll leave Jean Valjean and Cosette in peace, right? Yeah, not so much. He commissions an artist to sketch a mugshot and pastes it all around Paris. It doesn't take long for the \"nosy old\" you-know-what to go tattling. 19TH-CENTURY FRANCE IS THE WORST!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-39750\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york-.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york-.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Javert and a bunch of cops chasing Jean Valjean and Cosette through the streets. Cornered, Jean manages to climb over the city wall and plop into a convent. The nuns are like, \u003cem>GTFO! The only man we tolerate is Jesus. \u003c/em>(I don't blame them.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert sniffs out where Jean and Cosette are hiding and bangs on the convent door, demanding to be let in. The head nun thinks about it and then says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38850\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Head Nun:\u003c/strong> \"No man has stepped foot in this convent for many years, nor will do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a queen! We stan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Jean Valjean offers Head Nun a proposition: he'll scram, as long as she takes care of Cosette. Head Nun has a counter-offer: she'll take care of Cosette, hire Jean as a gardener and let him stay hidden on the grounds so he can continue kicking it with Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-107564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/11/celebrate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, back at Jean and Cosette's former apartment, Javert is fuming. \"HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY! SEARCH EVERYWHERE! HE WILL BE FOUND!\" Dude seriously needs to...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111397\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-jerk-weed-pete-and-pete.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Colmans, Nosy Old You-Know-What, Ms. Creepy Face, Javert and Pretty Much Everyone Else. \u003c/strong>Karma is fashionably late, but she's coming for your necks!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Fantine. \u003c/strong>I dreamed a dream that she would get to star in \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Fantine's Revenge\u003c/em>, but things didn't really work out that way. We'll always have this Photoshop image though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111341\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Cosette. \u003c/strong>But all is not lost! Now that Cosette is free, she's available to star in \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Cosette's Revenge\u003c/em>! So many people to kill, so little time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111398\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Jean Valjean. \u003c/strong>His transformation into a certified DILF brings a tear to my eye and a tingle to my... you know what, nevermind.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Head Nun\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">My heart already belongs to a lot of nuns from \u003cem>The Sound of Music\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Sister Act\u003c/em>, but I'm definitely making room for one more. Bless her heart (and her ability to shut down overly confident men)!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Need a laugh or two after this week's intense episode? This recap has your back!",
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"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 3 Recap: I Will Follow Him | KQED",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>Fantine effortlessly bounced back from her breakup with Felix and treated herself by getting a fun 1990s makeover!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111286\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg 876w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-160x209.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-800x1043.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-768x1001.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Juuuuust kidding. A scammer played by Olivia Colman took one look at Fantine and Cosette, saw money signs and decided to ruin their lives.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111280\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman-les-miserables-fantine-cosette-pbs.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"374\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But Olivia Colman couldn't destroy their lives by herself. She also had the help of this creepy-faced woman.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-weird-lady-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"224\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of creepy faces, Pontmercy Grandpa's mug was really something last episode. I can see why the \u003cem>RuPaul's Drag Race\u003c/em> casting director rejected him.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111299\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"772\" height=\"466\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png 772w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-768x464.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 772px) 100vw, 772px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Beware of learning makeup skills from YouTube tutorials made by these two:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111304\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"539\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-160x157.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111303\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1200x900.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>On the flip side, Jean Valjean underwent quite the glow-up, going from Red Hulk:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To Hubba Hubba Hulk:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111321\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-1020x474.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"297\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-160x74.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-800x372.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-768x357.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Not only did his complexion greatly improve, but he also transformed into the Oprah of Montreuil, handing out jobs to anyone and everyone:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111294\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-get-a-oprah-car-job.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I could go on about the more terrible things that happened last episode (Fantine's visit to the hairdresser! Fantine's visit to the dentist! Fantine's visit to her death bed!), but I've already done that in \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">the last recap\u003c/a>. Also, this gif I made pretty much sums it all up:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111339\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/me-watching-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What absurdly tragic things will occur this week? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We find Fantine where we left her, on her death bed, struggling to breathe. A nurse tells her that Jean Valjean has gone to fetch Cosette. She cracks a small smile, just like I might crack open an alcoholic drink to deal with another hour of French misery.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Let's distract ourselves for a moment with a fun fact (brought to my attention by Maryanne, a reader of the last recap): The actress who plays Fantine is PHIL COLLINS' DAUGHTER!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-98555\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/01/mind-blown-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"315\" height=\"210\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Someone else whose mind is being blown: Jean Fauxjean, the random man wrongly accused of being Prisoner #24601. Javert and three prisoners all give sworn testimonies that sound like this: \"Is that Jean Valjean? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but let's go with yes!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Right before Jean Fauxjean is sentenced in draconian fashion, the real Jean Valjean loses his cool.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/ENOUGH-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And reveals his true identity.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/real-slim-shady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"334\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean calls out the three lying prisoners by mentioning factoids he knows about each of them. \u003cem>Hey, Prisoner #24602, you have a tramp stamp tattoo! And Prisoner #24603, your favorite Spice Girl is Sporty! And Prisoner #24604, you hate cilantro! \u003c/em>Everyone in the courthouse is shook.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Fauxjean's reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/oprah-what-is-going-on-confused.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inspector Javert's reaction:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38941\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/giphy-11.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While being taken to prison in cuffs, Jean Valjean spots Ms. Creepy Face in the crowd and asks if she went to fetch Cosette as he asked. She didn't because she's a monster. I think I speak for all of us when I say:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111403\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pie-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"489\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean doesn't have a pie handy so he smashes past the guards and chases her trifling, no good butt down!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111385\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean-running.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>She's not worth the trouble, so he lets her go and rushes to Fantine's bedside. Jean and the nurse give Fantine a reason to live by saying Cosette is there and will come in once she gets better. Enter Javert who barks about how Fantine and Jean Valjean are \"the scum of the earth.\" Um, dude, the woman has no teeth and is gasping for her last breaths, maybe consider dialing down the evil just a smidge?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert hates that idea and dials the evil up to 15, revealing to Fantine that Jean Valjean never went to get Cosette. Having had quite enough of everyone being the absolute worst, Fantine cashes in her one-way ticket to heaven.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111386\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/and-now-im-dead.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"430\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because Javert is a sociopath, he responds with, \"She's dead and you're my prisoner!\" Someone, please throw a dead horse on this man! Jean Valjean's hands are cuffed, which makes throwing animal corpses very difficult, so he settles for screaming in his general direction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111387\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/jean-valjean-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the prison, they roughly chop off Jean Valjean's hair (they could have given him flattering layers but nooooo) and throw him in with Tramp Stamp, Sporty Spice Lover, Cilantro Hater and all the other prisoners. Jean Valjean tests one of the bars to see if it's loose. It isn't, but no worries; Jean managed to smuggle a chisel in his mouth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Then, TWO YEARS PASS. So I'm guessing that chisel plan didn't work out? Fantine's ghost is like this right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-103627\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/05/judge-judy-watch-impatient-annoyed-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside of the Colman's inn, a busted-looking Cosette is doing hard labor when she spots a doll pop-up shop. It belongs to the creep who bought Fantine's hair and teeth. Cosette is captivated by one particular doll. Before she can realize, \u003cem>Hey, that's my mom's hair, you jerk!\u003c/em>, Olivia Colman shows up and beats Cosette for not working hard enough. Where's a cream pie when you need one?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back inside the inn, Olivia Colman chases Cosette around and whips her, while everyone cheers. Someone fetch me a time machine. I'm ready to help.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111389\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/want-me-to-kill-them.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Later that night, while fetching water at the creek, a shadowy figure appears behind Cosette. It's Jean Valjean! Sorry I doubted you, little mouth chisel!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean helps Cosette haul the buckets back to the inn and quickly learns that her caretakers belong in the ninth circle of Hell (the one reserved for treachery; I looked it up). He notices that the Colman's two daughters don't have to work and have fancy dolls, so Jean Valjean says, \u003cem>Hold my beer\u003c/em>, leaves for a few minutes and comes back with a doll for Cosette. It's the one made with Fantine's hair.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111390\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/burst-into-tears.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"I have a wish to see the child playing.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Olivia Colman:\u003c/strong> \"And who is going to serve you your supper?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Jean Valjean:\u003c/strong> \"You, madam. Now bring me my supper, woman.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111391\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-her-jade-coco-montrese.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"322\" height=\"248\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Mr. Colman shows Jean Valjean to his room and offers to prostitute Cosette out to him for a price. Sorry, I don't make the rules, but the Colmans officially have to die now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111388\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-kill-them-no-naomi.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"250\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Instead, Jean Valjean pays them a crazy amount of money to adopt Cosette. Not exactly what I had in mind, but this will do, I suppose. (Although, for real, they should die.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few minutes after Jean Valjean and Cosette leave, Mr. Colman catches up with them. He wants even more money and pulls a gun on them. OMG, DIE ALREADY! Time to hulk out, Jean. SMASH HIM!!!!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111393\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/hulk-punch-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean knocks the gun away and puts Mr. Colman in a choke-hold and scares him off. Again, not exactly what I had in mind, but I'll take whatever morsel of good I can get out of this show.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-101635\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/02/yay1.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"381\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean and Cosette make their way to Paris. When they arrive, Cosette asks if she still has to be a child slave. Jean Valjean replies, \"No, you don't have to sweep or go to the wood to fetch water. You don't have to do anything, except eat and sleep and play.\" Cosette is like:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111394\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/kacey-musgraves-what.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"286\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We get a cozy montage of Cosette learning new things, being happy and showing off her new dad around town. Can the story just end here, before any more bad stuff can happen?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Nope! A neighbor is already snooping around and asking too many questions.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111395\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/nosy-neighbor-lady.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"271\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cosette calls her a \"nosy old bitch.\" If any child has earned the right to sling curse words, it's for sure Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111396\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cussing-olsen-twin.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"390\" height=\"428\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to the police headquarters (ughhhhh, here we go again). Javert is back on his bullshit, \u003cdel>destroying lives for fun\u003c/del> implementing the law. After reading an incident report from the Colmans about how someone abducted Cosette, Javert looks into the claim and quickly realizes the Colmans are scammers. Great, so that means he'll leave Jean Valjean and Cosette in peace, right? Yeah, not so much. He commissions an artist to sketch a mugshot and pastes it all around Paris. It doesn't take long for the \"nosy old\" you-know-what to go tattling. 19TH-CENTURY FRANCE IS THE WORST!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-39750\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york-.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york-.gif 200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/10/tiffany-new-york--150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Cut to Javert and a bunch of cops chasing Jean Valjean and Cosette through the streets. Cornered, Jean manages to climb over the city wall and plop into a convent. The nuns are like, \u003cem>GTFO! The only man we tolerate is Jesus. \u003c/em>(I don't blame them.)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert sniffs out where Jean and Cosette are hiding and bangs on the convent door, demanding to be let in. The head nun thinks about it and then says:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-38850\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"245\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500.gif 245w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-32x32.gif 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-50x50.gif 50w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-64x64.gif 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-96x96.gif 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-128x128.gif 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2016/09/tumblr_inline_o6kfajYkhG1rkxo5g_500-150x150.gif 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Head Nun:\u003c/strong> \"No man has stepped foot in this convent for many years, nor will do.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a queen! We stan!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Jean Valjean offers Head Nun a proposition: he'll scram, as long as she takes care of Cosette. Head Nun has a counter-offer: she'll take care of Cosette, hire Jean as a gardener and let him stay hidden on the grounds so he can continue kicking it with Cosette.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-107564\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/11/celebrate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, back at Jean and Cosette's former apartment, Javert is fuming. \"HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY! SEARCH EVERYWHERE! HE WILL BE FOUND!\" Dude seriously needs to...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111397\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-jerk-weed-pete-and-pete.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Colmans, Nosy Old You-Know-What, Ms. Creepy Face, Javert and Pretty Much Everyone Else. \u003c/strong>Karma is fashionably late, but she's coming for your necks!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Fantine. \u003c/strong>I dreamed a dream that she would get to star in \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Fantine's Revenge\u003c/em>, but things didn't really work out that way. We'll always have this Photoshop image though.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111341\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Cosette. \u003c/strong>But all is not lost! Now that Cosette is free, she's available to star in \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Cosette's Revenge\u003c/em>! So many people to kill, so little time.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111398\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/cosette-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Jean Valjean. \u003c/strong>His transformation into a certified DILF brings a tear to my eye and a tingle to my... you know what, nevermind.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Head Nun\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">My heart already belongs to a lot of nuns from \u003cem>The Sound of Music\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Sister Act\u003c/em>, but I'm definitely making room for one more. Bless her heart (and her ability to shut down overly confident men)!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/111154/les-miserables-episode-2-pbs-bbc-recap-voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi\">'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>a lot of miserable things happened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were forced to watch a gazillion horses die at Waterloo because being scarred for life by Artex's death scene in \u003cem>The Neverending Story\u003c/em> just wasn't enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110945\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/artax-neverending-story.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"149\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine met a scrub named Felix, who wasted no time ruining her life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius Pontmercy was brainwashed into being #TeamRoyalism, as well as #TeamAlcoholism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, as a side-effect of serving 19 years in prison for stealing one lousy piece of bread, Jean Valjean's face gradually became allergic to any act of kindness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110997\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-valjean-mad.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What absurdly tragic things will occur this week? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine roams the countryside with Cosette in tow. The past few years have not been kind to her. From the looks of it, she can no longer afford shampoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an alternate universe, Fantine never met Felix and managed to work her way into the middle class, thus finding happiness and being able to afford not only shampoo but the haircut du jour, The Rachel™!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111286\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg 876w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-160x209.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-800x1043.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-768x1001.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, we're in the darkest timeline, so Fantine and her unwashed hair keep trucking all the way to some sad little country town, where she meets my favorite from \u003cem>The Favourite\u003c/em>, Olivia Colman! Maybe things are looking up??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine asks Olivia Colman something any of us would ask a complete stranger: \u003cem>Hey, I know this sounds weird, and obviously no pressure, but do you mind adopting my kid for a couple of months?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Money symbols bloom in Olivia Colman's eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111280\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman-les-miserables-fantine-cosette-pbs.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"374\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Olivia Colman agrees to look after Cosette... for a hefty price, which is then made heftier by Olivia Colman's scammer husband. If he looks familiar, that's because he's the corpse robber from the season premiere. These days, he's more into robbing the living while masquerading as a benevolent war hero. I don't know about you, but the gross injustices on this show are starting to make my eye twitch.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111281\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/eye-twitch-mo-the-simpsons.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"284\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Colmans promise to take very good care of Cosette. Translation: they promise to make her sleep in a barn and routinely blow cigarette smoke in her face. Needless to say, I take back my suggestion that things might be looking up. #ItDoesntGetBetter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine eventually makes it to a village called Montreuil, just in time to attend a pep rally being held in honor of the town's mayor, Père Madeleine. But we know him by another name...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110990\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stealing silverware from woke bishops and coins from little boys got old, so now his alter ego saves children from house fires and hands out jobs at his booming factory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111294\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-get-a-oprah-car-job.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of those jobs goes to Montreuil's newest resident, Fantine. But not before an awkward interview process involving this lady's creepy face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-weird-lady-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"224\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine gets right to work crafting beaded necklaces that are either rosaries or Mardi Gras accessories (choose your own adventure). I would say things are looking up again, but I'm sure something horrific will happen in a few minutes, so I'll just zip it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few weeks later, the new police chief shows up at the factory to meet Jean Valjean. It's none other than Inspector Javert. Quick! Suspend your disbelief because Javert somehow doesn't recognize the person he tortured for 19 solid years. It's like how everyone can't imagine Clark Kent being Superman just because he's wearing glasses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111333\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/it-is-you-superman.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert goes on a Kanye West-style rant that no one asked for about how criminals are inherently wicked and degenerate. He vows to prosecute any wrong-doers in town, especially those who might be leading a double life. Jean Valjean's contribution to the conversation is simply making this face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111296\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/awkward-freeze.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Things aren't looking too great for Fantine either. After Fantine is caught making a little bird out of Mardi Gras beads, Creepy Interview Face Lady threatens to fire her and then decides \u003cem>You know what? I'm not doing anything later. I think I'll spy on this poor girl and figure out a way to ruin her life!\u003c/em> Somewhere out there, Felix is like, \u003cem>Hey! That's my thing!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ms. Creepy Face finds out about Cosette and goes to check out the situation. The Colmans tell her Fantine is a prostitute who abandoned her daughter to go have a bunch of dirty sex. Despite that far-fetched-sounding story and Cosette blinking \"HELP ME, CREEPY LADY!\" in Morse code, Ms. Creepy Face decides to believe the Colmans and destroy Fantine. There goes my eye twitch again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111298\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/eye-twitch-squidward-spongebob.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of French prostitutes, Marius' grandfather sure looks like one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111299\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"772\" height=\"466\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png 772w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-768x464.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 772px) 100vw, 772px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It seems as though he learned how to do his makeup by watching YouTube tutorials from these two:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111304\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"539\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-160x157.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111303\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1200x900.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite looking a hot mess, Marius' grandfather invites a bunch of people with equally tragic makeup over to rag on Napoleon some more. Dudes, you won! Get a hobby! From one drag queen to another:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111326\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-grip-get-a-life-and-get-over-it-alyssa-edwards.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"180\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Little Marius is invited to take a break from tasting fine wines to recite some pro-monarchy propaganda for all the fugly drag queens until a note is delivered saying that his dad is on his death bed. When Marius arrives at his father's bedside, Pontmercy Senior only has enough strength to utter a few words: \u003cem>Napoleon rules! Oh, and there was this dude who saved my life and totally didn't rob me at Waterloo. Go reward him, please. Peace out!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111334\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pontmercy-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Montreuil, a loaded horse-drawn cart collapses on someone and is slowly crushing him to death. Jean Valjean wants to help, but Javert is watching and waiting for him to reenact the lifting of the boulder from the season premiere and prove that he really is The Artist Formerly Known As Prisoner #24601. After an awkward staredown, Jean Valjean decides to Hulk out, consequences be damned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The glow-up is real:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111321\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-1020x474.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"297\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-160x74.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-800x372.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-768x357.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone celebrates the rescue of the crushed random dude. Everyone except for Javert. Instead of realizing that Jean Valjean is a good person, Javert doubles down on trying to ruin his life over a piece of bread and a child's coin. I'll give the same advice I gave the \u003cem>RuPaul's Drag Race\u003c/em> rejects: Get a hobby!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111327\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-are-so-cranky-get-a-life-olsen-twins.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"358\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Jean Valjean returns to the factory, imagining another 19 years in the clink, Ms. Creepy Face is busy yelling that Fantine is a \"lying little whore!\" Valjean is not in the mood so he fires Fantine and advises her to leave town for not telling him she had a child out of wedlock. My eye twitch is getting really bad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111322\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/that-doesnt-make-sense-eye-twitch.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"412\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Javert rushes to the police headquarters in Paris to tattle on Jean Valjean. Their response is in perfect alignment with mine:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111325\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-loser-ramona-rhony.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After burying St. Woke Bishop's candlesticks in the woods, Jean Valjean runs into Javert (okay, how small is this town??). Jean Valjean fails to recite the appropriate Mariah Carey lyric:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97098\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/why-are-you-so-obsessed-with-me-mariah-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"325\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because continually upping their price isn't evil enough, the Colmans inform Fantine that they need almost triple what she sent last time to care for Cosette. So Fantine feels she has no other choice but to sell her hair and front teeth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97368\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/make_it_stop_boy_meets_world.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"215\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When that's not enough, she sells her body. It's too bad this adaptation doesn't have any songs because we could use a jolly one right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111328\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/stewie-family-guy-rocking-back-and-forth-crazy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One night, some rich douche mocks Fantine and then assaults her. Fantine responds by trying to scratch his eyes out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-101824\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/02/yas-excited-crying-happy-tears-antm.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"260\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111331\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/he-had-it-coming-chicago.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"242\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unfortunately, Javert rips Fantine off of Rich Douche before she can finish the job.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-107101\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/disappointed-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"234\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert vows to imprison Fantine for six months. While she's being taken away, Jean Valjean shows up (but for real, how tiny is this town?!?) and wants to help. Fantine is like, \u003cem>Really?? Now you want to help?!? You fired and exiled me for being a mom and making a bird out of beads, remember????\u003c/em> She then spits blood into his face. I approve this message.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106639\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/proud-of-you-thumbs-up-compute-kid-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean says, \u003cem>My bad\u003c/em>, and promises to take care of Fantine and send for Cosette. In the wise words of JoJo, it's just too little too late. But nice try, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, while looking over Fantine, who of course has fallen deathly ill because we can't have a single good thing happen in this story, Jean Valjean is visited by Javert. Somehow, Javert is still not receptive to my solid advice:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111324\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-get-a-hobby-rhony-bethenny.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert tells Jean Valjean that he's resigning as head of police and very sorry for thinking he was Prisoner #24601. They've caught the real Jean Valjean and he's about to be thrown in jail for life for stealing that kid's coin unless someone was to show up to his trial tomorrow proving that he's innocent (HINT, HINT!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean runs home to burn his passport and prison outfit. That kid's stupid, lousy coin falls out, inspiring a full-blown meltdown, which closely resembles what I look like while watching this show:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111339\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/me-watching-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Jean Valjean's conscience has gotten to him. He asks Ms. Creepy Face to fetch Cosette so Fantine can see her daughter one last time before dying. Then, he races off to Fake Jean Valjean's trial to turn himself in. Will he get there in time? Will Ms. Creepy Face actually bring Cosette to Fantine's death bed? The screen goes black so we'll have to wait and see.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Colmans. \u003c/strong>Fantine's ghost is going to have so much fun haunting these monsters. That's a karmic start, but I also need someone to stop by and punch out their front teeth. An eye for an eye, and all of that. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Whichever Illnesses End Up Killing Felix and Ms. Creepy Face. \u003c/strong>Hurry up, will you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>All The Poisonous Lead In Grandpa Pontmercy's Makeup. \u003c/strong>Thanks for your service.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Cosette and Marius. \u003c/strong>Hang in there, babies!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Fantine\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">I doubt she'll survive, but if she does, can the rest of this series be \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Fantine's Revenge\u003c/em>? Thank you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111341\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Need a laugh or two after this week's traumatic episode? This recap has your back!",
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"headline": "'Les Miserables' Episode 2 Recap: Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi?",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>In \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">the previous episode of \u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110513/les-miserables-pbs-bbc-episode-1-recap-un-break-my-heart\">Les Miserables\u003c/a>, \u003c/i>a lot of miserable things happened.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We were forced to watch a gazillion horses die at Waterloo because being scarred for life by Artex's death scene in \u003cem>The Neverending Story\u003c/em> just wasn't enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110945\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/artax-neverending-story.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"149\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine met a scrub named Felix, who wasted no time ruining her life.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Marius Pontmercy was brainwashed into being #TeamRoyalism, as well as #TeamAlcoholism.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And, as a side-effect of serving 19 years in prison for stealing one lousy piece of bread, Jean Valjean's face gradually became allergic to any act of kindness.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110997\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-valjean-mad.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What absurdly tragic things will occur this week? Let's find out!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine roams the countryside with Cosette in tow. The past few years have not been kind to her. From the looks of it, she can no longer afford shampoo.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In an alternate universe, Fantine never met Felix and managed to work her way into the middle class, thus finding happiness and being able to afford not only shampoo but the haircut du jour, The Rachel™!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-111286\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut.jpg 876w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-160x209.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-800x1043.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-rachel-from-friends-haircut-768x1001.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Alas, we're in the darkest timeline, so Fantine and her unwashed hair keep trucking all the way to some sad little country town, where she meets my favorite from \u003cem>The Favourite\u003c/em>, Olivia Colman! Maybe things are looking up??\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111170\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine asks Olivia Colman something any of us would ask a complete stranger: \u003cem>Hey, I know this sounds weird, and obviously no pressure, but do you mind adopting my kid for a couple of months?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Money symbols bloom in Olivia Colman's eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111280\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/olivia-colman-les-miserables-fantine-cosette-pbs.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"374\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Olivia Colman agrees to look after Cosette... for a hefty price, which is then made heftier by Olivia Colman's scammer husband. If he looks familiar, that's because he's the corpse robber from the season premiere. These days, he's more into robbing the living while masquerading as a benevolent war hero. I don't know about you, but the gross injustices on this show are starting to make my eye twitch.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111281\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/eye-twitch-mo-the-simpsons.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"360\" height=\"284\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Colmans promise to take very good care of Cosette. Translation: they promise to make her sleep in a barn and routinely blow cigarette smoke in her face. Needless to say, I take back my suggestion that things might be looking up. #ItDoesntGetBetter.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine eventually makes it to a village called Montreuil, just in time to attend a pep rally being held in honor of the town's mayor, Père Madeleine. But we know him by another name...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110990\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Stealing silverware from woke bishops and coins from little boys got old, so now his alter ego saves children from house fires and hands out jobs at his booming factory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111294\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-get-a-oprah-car-job.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of those jobs goes to Montreuil's newest resident, Fantine. But not before an awkward interview process involving this lady's creepy face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111171\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-weird-lady-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"224\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine gets right to work crafting beaded necklaces that are either rosaries or Mardi Gras accessories (choose your own adventure). I would say things are looking up again, but I'm sure something horrific will happen in a few minutes, so I'll just zip it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A few weeks later, the new police chief shows up at the factory to meet Jean Valjean. It's none other than Inspector Javert. Quick! Suspend your disbelief because Javert somehow doesn't recognize the person he tortured for 19 solid years. It's like how everyone can't imagine Clark Kent being Superman just because he's wearing glasses.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111333\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/it-is-you-superman.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"280\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert goes on a Kanye West-style rant that no one asked for about how criminals are inherently wicked and degenerate. He vows to prosecute any wrong-doers in town, especially those who might be leading a double life. Jean Valjean's contribution to the conversation is simply making this face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111296\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/awkward-freeze.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Things aren't looking too great for Fantine either. After Fantine is caught making a little bird out of Mardi Gras beads, Creepy Interview Face Lady threatens to fire her and then decides \u003cem>You know what? I'm not doing anything later. I think I'll spy on this poor girl and figure out a way to ruin her life!\u003c/em> Somewhere out there, Felix is like, \u003cem>Hey! That's my thing!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ms. Creepy Face finds out about Cosette and goes to check out the situation. The Colmans tell her Fantine is a prostitute who abandoned her daughter to go have a bunch of dirty sex. Despite that far-fetched-sounding story and Cosette blinking \"HELP ME, CREEPY LADY!\" in Morse code, Ms. Creepy Face decides to believe the Colmans and destroy Fantine. There goes my eye twitch again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111298\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/eye-twitch-squidward-spongebob.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"382\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of French prostitutes, Marius' grandfather sure looks like one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111299\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"772\" height=\"466\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM.png 772w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-160x97.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-23-at-5.33.33-PM-768x464.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 772px) 100vw, 772px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It seems as though he learned how to do his makeup by watching YouTube tutorials from these two:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111304\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"539\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup.jpg 550w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-160x157.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111303\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1020x765.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-160x120.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-800x600.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-768x576.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1200x900.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2-1920x1440.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/scary-makeup-2.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite looking a hot mess, Marius' grandfather invites a bunch of people with equally tragic makeup over to rag on Napoleon some more. Dudes, you won! Get a hobby! From one drag queen to another:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111326\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-grip-get-a-life-and-get-over-it-alyssa-edwards.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"180\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Little Marius is invited to take a break from tasting fine wines to recite some pro-monarchy propaganda for all the fugly drag queens until a note is delivered saying that his dad is on his death bed. When Marius arrives at his father's bedside, Pontmercy Senior only has enough strength to utter a few words: \u003cem>Napoleon rules! Oh, and there was this dude who saved my life and totally didn't rob me at Waterloo. Go reward him, please. Peace out!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111334\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/pontmercy-les-miserables.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Montreuil, a loaded horse-drawn cart collapses on someone and is slowly crushing him to death. Jean Valjean wants to help, but Javert is watching and waiting for him to reenact the lifting of the boulder from the season premiere and prove that he really is The Artist Formerly Known As Prisoner #24601. After an awkward staredown, Jean Valjean decides to Hulk out, consequences be damned.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The glow-up is real:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111321\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-1020x474.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"297\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-160x74.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-800x372.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-24-at-12.11.04-PM-768x357.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Everyone celebrates the rescue of the crushed random dude. Everyone except for Javert. Instead of realizing that Jean Valjean is a good person, Javert doubles down on trying to ruin his life over a piece of bread and a child's coin. I'll give the same advice I gave the \u003cem>RuPaul's Drag Race\u003c/em> rejects: Get a hobby!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111327\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-are-so-cranky-get-a-life-olsen-twins.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"358\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When Jean Valjean returns to the factory, imagining another 19 years in the clink, Ms. Creepy Face is busy yelling that Fantine is a \"lying little whore!\" Valjean is not in the mood so he fires Fantine and advises her to leave town for not telling him she had a child out of wedlock. My eye twitch is getting really bad.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111322\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/that-doesnt-make-sense-eye-twitch.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"412\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, Javert rushes to the police headquarters in Paris to tattle on Jean Valjean. Their response is in perfect alignment with mine:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111325\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/get-a-life-loser-ramona-rhony.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After burying St. Woke Bishop's candlesticks in the woods, Jean Valjean runs into Javert (okay, how small is this town??). Jean Valjean fails to recite the appropriate Mariah Carey lyric:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97098\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/why-are-you-so-obsessed-with-me-mariah-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"325\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Because continually upping their price isn't evil enough, the Colmans inform Fantine that they need almost triple what she sent last time to care for Cosette. So Fantine feels she has no other choice but to sell her hair and front teeth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-97368\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/11/make_it_stop_boy_meets_world.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"215\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When that's not enough, she sells her body. It's too bad this adaptation doesn't have any songs because we could use a jolly one right about now.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111328\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/stewie-family-guy-rocking-back-and-forth-crazy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One night, some rich douche mocks Fantine and then assaults her. Fantine responds by trying to scratch his eyes out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-101824\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/02/yas-excited-crying-happy-tears-antm.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"260\" height=\"200\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111331\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/he-had-it-coming-chicago.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"242\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Unfortunately, Javert rips Fantine off of Rich Douche before she can finish the job.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-107101\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/09/disappointed-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"234\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert vows to imprison Fantine for six months. While she's being taken away, Jean Valjean shows up (but for real, how tiny is this town?!?) and wants to help. Fantine is like, \u003cem>Really?? Now you want to help?!? You fired and exiled me for being a mom and making a bird out of beads, remember????\u003c/em> She then spits blood into his face. I approve this message.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106639\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/proud-of-you-thumbs-up-compute-kid-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean says, \u003cem>My bad\u003c/em>, and promises to take care of Fantine and send for Cosette. In the wise words of JoJo, it's just too little too late. But nice try, I guess.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, while looking over Fantine, who of course has fallen deathly ill because we can't have a single good thing happen in this story, Jean Valjean is visited by Javert. Somehow, Javert is still not receptive to my solid advice:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111324\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/you-have-to-get-a-hobby-rhony-bethenny.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Javert tells Jean Valjean that he's resigning as head of police and very sorry for thinking he was Prisoner #24601. They've caught the real Jean Valjean and he's about to be thrown in jail for life for stealing that kid's coin unless someone was to show up to his trial tomorrow proving that he's innocent (HINT, HINT!).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Jean Valjean runs home to burn his passport and prison outfit. That kid's stupid, lousy coin falls out, inspiring a full-blown meltdown, which closely resembles what I look like while watching this show:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111339\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/me-watching-les-mis.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"218\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next day, Jean Valjean's conscience has gotten to him. He asks Ms. Creepy Face to fetch Cosette so Fantine can see her daughter one last time before dying. Then, he races off to Fake Jean Valjean's trial to turn himself in. Will he get there in time? Will Ms. Creepy Face actually bring Cosette to Fantine's death bed? The screen goes black so we'll have to wait and see.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: The Colmans. \u003c/strong>Fantine's ghost is going to have so much fun haunting these monsters. That's a karmic start, but I also need someone to stop by and punch out their front teeth. An eye for an eye, and all of that. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: Whichever Illnesses End Up Killing Felix and Ms. Creepy Face. \u003c/strong>Hurry up, will you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>All The Poisonous Lead In Grandpa Pontmercy's Makeup. \u003c/strong>Thanks for your service.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Cosette and Marius. \u003c/strong>Hang in there, babies!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: Fantine\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">. \u003c/span>\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">I doubt she'll survive, but if she does, can the rest of this series be \u003cem>Kill Bill 3: Fantine's Revenge\u003c/em>? Thank you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-111341\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1020x573.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-160x90.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-800x450.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-768x432.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill-1200x674.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/fantine-as-kill-bill.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/game-of-thrones\">\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>\u003c/a>)!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cem>\u003cstrong>Previous Recaps:\u003c/strong>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>Hi there! You might remember me from my \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">Victoria\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">Downton Abbey\u003c/a>\u003cem> or \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003cem> recaps. Since those shows wrapped, I've felt a void in my spirit that can only be filled by PBS-approved British imports, so I'm going to try falling in love again; this time, with the new adaptation of \u003c/em>Les Miserables\u003cem>. I hope you'll join me. Let's do this!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's the summer of June 1815! Put your bathing suit away though because things are BLEAK. We've been plopped into the day right after the Battle of Waterloo, where Napoleon was officially canceled, 65,000 people died and a 20-year-long war was finally put to a bloody end. Mom, can you come and pick me up? I'm scared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What's worse than a series of panoramic shots of mutilated, dead soldiers as far as the eye can see? Close-up shots of dead horses with their eyes open, that's what! Because being scarred for life by Artex's death scene in \u003cem>The Neverending Story\u003c/em> just wasn't enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110945\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/artax-neverending-story.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"149\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, great, it gets worse; another horse blinks slowly as it takes its agonizing last breaths. I expect gruesome horse deaths from \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>, but not Masterpiece Theater! Toto, we're not in Cornwall with Ross Poldark anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A robber runs around stealing trinkets from the dead, until one of the corpses is like, \u003cem>Um, what the hell, I'm still (barely) alive. By the way, who won the war? \u003c/em>Turns out there's no nice way to say, \"Not you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward to some point in the future. We're now in Paris and I don't see a single dying horse (hallelujah!). Things are still bleak though. Think of the opening \"Bonjour!\" sequence from Disney's \u003cem>Beauty and the Beast\u003c/em>, but everyone is starving too much to deliver a hearty good morning, let alone sing one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's less of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110536\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/belle-beauty-and-the-beast-spin-happy-book.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And more of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/i-need-six-eggs-beauty-and-the-beast-disney.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In short, the struggle is very real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The nearly dead dude from earlier has a name—Pontmercy—and somehow managed to survive. You'd think things could only get better after being left for dead under the weight of a deceased horse, but Pontmercy's life still sucks. His #TeamMonarchy father-in-law has his curly ponytailed wig in a twist over Pontmercy's allegiance to #TeamBonaparte and bans him from ever seeing his son. Homeboy just went to equine hell and back; can we cut him some slack?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110979\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-door-slam.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'll take that as a no. Can someone throw a dead horse on #TeamMonarchy father-in-law already?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, a girl named Fantine excitedly makes plans with her two friends. I don't know much about the story of \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em>, but I do know a lot about Anne Hathaway's 2013 Oscar campaign for playing this role. I won't spoil anything for those more clueless than I, but let's just say: soak up any shots of Fantine smiling and enjoying her long hair while you can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in a place called Toulon, Prisoner #24601 is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Not only is he in chains, being marched out of a disease-ridden boat to do hard labor in the sun all day, but annoying kids have to be brats on top of everything else!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110982\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-brat.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hello? Yes, I'd like to order another dead horse. You can deliver that to the top of this little kid's head. Okay, great, thank you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the quarry job site, Prisoner #24601 watches guards taunt and beat his fellow prisoners for no reason. He thinks to himself, \u003cem>I know this series has the word \"miserable\" in the title, but enough is enough.\u003c/em> Prisoner #24601 uses his pick-ax to unleash an avalanche of boulders on one of the guards. Everyone is horrified by the man's screams except for Prisoner #24601, who looks on while making this face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-47451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/11/evil-smile.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one can get the guard out from under the rocks, so Prisoner #24601 lifts the rocks with his back while turning a scary red color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Hulk, but crimson. I'm into it (and a little scared).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, the lead prison guard, Javert, taunts Prisoner #24601: \u003cem>You thought you were going to be released early for being heroic? LOL, never gonna happen! P.S. I bet I would be a better criminal than you!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, okay. Next time, just say \"Nanny nanny boo boo\" and let this poor man go back to \u003cdel>bed\u003c/del> the planks of wood he is forced to sleep on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prisoner #24601 is apparently serving a 19-year sentence for stealing a measly piece of bread. Thank goodness we no longer live in a society where people receive absurdly long jail sentences for minor crimes. Oh, wait...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, at a rave in Paris, three guys check out Fantine and her friends. They agree Fantine is a virgin and one of them decides to—I'm guessing—ruin her life. They all dance until daybreak and Fantine seems happy. I'm already devastated about whatever's about to happen to her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106867\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/despair-sad-upset-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"238\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At work the next day, Fantine is all;\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96642\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sailor-moon-heart-eyes.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"366\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of her friends tries to get real with her, explaining that fancy men only want one thing from working girls like them, and it's not a hand in marriage. Now that that's cleared up, someone should also tell Fantine that, even though she could totally play a convincing Belle, this isn't a Disney production and her happy ending is most definitely going to get lost in the mail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite her friend's warning, Fantine hangs out with Felix again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"You look like an angel.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fantine:\u003c/strong> \"My friend said I shouldn't believe a word you say.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND, FANTINE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"Before I met you, I sought nothing but my own selfish pleasure. Now, I want to dedicate my life to you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HA HA HA, THAT'S FUNNY, FELIX. TELL ANOTHER ONE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"You see, I'm a poet. I hope to be famous one day. And you will be my Muse.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>RUN, FANTINE, RUN!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"I wonder if you know how I'm suffering. Are you going to be merciful, Fantine? Will you take pity on me?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fantine:\u003c/strong> \"I don't want you to be sad. You promise you'll be good to be, Felix?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"On my life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HE IS SCAMMING YOU, FANTINE! DON'T FALL FOR IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine falls for it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110992\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/face-palm-compilation.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"343\" height=\"272\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Toulon, Javert makes an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with Prisoner #24601 while another prisoner is executed by a firing squad. This series is in desperate need of some cute puppy relief. I'm gonna place this darling image of my favorite Masterpiece pup, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>'s Horace the Pug, here as a form of cleansing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"352\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1920x1057.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-520x286.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ahhh. I feel better, don't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at #TeamRoyalist HQ, Pontmercy's father-in-law is brainwashing Pontmercy's son, Marius, with classist propaganda. He's also getting him drunk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Napoleon: Scoundrel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daddy: Scoundrel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This wine: Crisp with notes of pear and a nice tart finish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of a sudden we're hit with a sped-up montage of clouds moving, icicles melting and Fantine losing her virginity. Boom, it's a year later. Time flies after you discover the joys of sex with a man who's no good for you, I guess. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Toulon, Prisoner #24601 has finally served his entire 19 years and is being released. He strips off his prisoner uniform and Javert can't help but sneak a peek.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110987\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-naked.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110989\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/he-must-work-out-dumb-and-dumber.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"413\" height=\"232\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With only a handful of francs to his name (which is Jean Valjean by the way...)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110990\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...Valjean wanders the French countryside, which is full of haters. Every villager he comes across is too busy giving him a dirty look to give him a helping hand. So he tries to make his own way, offering to help haul barrels of ale into a tavern for an entire afternoon for some change. After all the work is done, the owners grossly underpay him because he's an ex-convict. Or maybe they just have a thing against bold beards?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Valjean is turned away from every inn in town. (Bethlehem called. They want their heartlessness back.) While trying to get some shut-eye on a public bench, a cute old lady is like, \u003cem>Hey, sorry that all my neighbors are a-holes. Try that house over there.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside that house over there, a bishop is having a low-key \u003cdel>Netflix and\u003c/del> chill night in. His maid is cluing him into all the town gossip: \u003cem>My holy dude, today there was this creepy crimson Hulk guy with a really ugly face walking around town. Because What Would Jesus Do? bracelets haven't been invented yet, none of us have to feel bad about not wanting to help him. That's how religion works, right?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just then, Valjean shows up like \u003cem>Hey, who was just talking smack about my face?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110995\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-cross.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thankfully, unlike his maid and neighbors, the bishop is woke. He's not a fan of the prison industrial complex and offers Valjean a meal and a guest room. Valjean looks all around for Ashton Kutcher, convinced that he's being Punk'd. 19 years without even a smidge of kindness would make anyone paranoid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Woke Bishop and Valjean get into a debate about whether love and kindness can change a man.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Woke Bishop:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Eat pray love is my philosophy! Hm, maybe I should write a polarizing memoir and call it that!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Sounds like something terrible I would never read! I'd be into something called Eat Curse Hate though.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They agree to disagree for now and head to bed. Woke Bishop gives Valjean the room next to his and even leaves the door between their rooms open as a sign of trust. Am I the only one who wants this guy to be my grandpa and read to me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At this point, Valjean is looking under the bed and behind the curtains for Ashton Kutcher. There's no way someone would be this nice for no reason, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once Woke Bishop is asleep and dreaming of meeting a hottie in Bali (the last section of his insufferable memoir isn't going to write itself!), Valjean steals all the silverware and sneaks out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-16986\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/07/tyra-rooting-for-you.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, because he's a wonderful person, Woke Bishop sees the theft and betrayal as an opportunity to fall in love with eating with his hands. Someone canonize this man already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While St. Woke Bishop is enjoying some finger food, there's a knock at the door. It's a bunch of cops, who've caught Valjean and all the pilfered silverware.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>St. Woke Bishop:\u003c/strong> \"Welcome back! I'm glad to see you! You forgot to take the candlesticks, didn't you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He then explains to the cops that he wants Valjean to have anything he wants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110996\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/heart-burst-full-rainbows-colbert-crying-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the cops leave, St. Woke Bishop tells Valjean that the best way to repay him is to become a good man and live a good life. Valjean's face has an allergic reaction to all this kindness:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110997\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-valjean-mad.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Valjean storms out with all his loot and St. Woke Bishop gets back to smiling while eating with his fingers. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Paris, Fantine and her friends are on a triple date with Felix and his bros. They all run around and kiss and pee in the woods and eat a fancy meal together. All the while, the boys keep alluding to a big surprise they have in store. Finally, they leave the dining room to go get it, leaving the girls to guess what it could be (something pretty? gold necklaces? a vow of feminism?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, a waiter comes in with an envelope with \"This is the surprise\" written on it. The letter reads:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This was fun and all, but rich men don't marry poor whores. HA HA HA! Talk to you never!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Actually, ghosting Fantine and her friends like that earns them not just a brief animated gif but the entire song:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAk_QbaB5Ts\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rot in hell, Felix and friends!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of rude men, on a country road, Valjean steals a little boy's money and laughs about it. Then he hears the church bells from the distant town and remembers sweet, old, fork-less St. Woke Bishop. Valjean finally feels a sense of shame and tries barking after the robbed little boy, but it's too late. Valjean realizes how badly he needs to rehabilitate (and bathe) himself. For now, doing child's pose in the middle of the road will have to be enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110999\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-1020x685.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"430\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-1020x685.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-160x107.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-800x537.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-768x516.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM.png 1048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Paris, Fantine returns home, broken-hearted, and a woman with a baby says, \"Here's \u003cem>maman\u003c/em>!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111000\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/shocked-baby.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"295\" height=\"222\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine and Felix have a baby together???? Things just got a whole lot more (les) miserable(s).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine takes her daughter upstairs and sobs, \"Oh, Cosette, whatever are we going to do now?\" Probably suffer a lot and then die while Felix is off somewhere enjoying bonbons!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once more, with feeling:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Felix And His Bros. \u003c/strong>Roll out the guillotine. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: All Those Dead Horses. \u003c/strong>I hope pony heaven is full of oats or whatever y'all are into. Miss you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Marius Pontmercy. \u003c/strong>A wine sommelier by the age of four? What a legend.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Fantine. \u003c/strong>Here's a silver lining to go with that silver medal: Brutal breakups lead to great breakup albums. Write your \u003cem>Jagged Little Pill\u003c/em>, sister!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: St. Woke Bishop\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>. \u003c/strong>Tied with Mister Rogers for Nicest Neighbor Ever. I can't wait to read his memoir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and—coming soon—\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>)!\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "It's the summer of June 1815! Put your bathing suit away though because things are BLEAK. ",
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"description": "It's the summer of June 1815! Put your bathing suit away though because things are BLEAK. ",
"title": "'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart | KQED",
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"headline": "'Les Miserables' Episode 1 Recap: Un-Break My Heart",
"datePublished": "2019-04-14T17:22:43-07:00",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Hi there! You might remember me from my \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">Victoria\u003c/a>\u003cem>, \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey/\">Downton Abbey\u003c/a>\u003cem> or \u003c/em>\u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark/\">Poldark\u003c/a>\u003cem> recaps. Since those shows wrapped, I've felt a void in my spirit that can only be filled by PBS-approved British imports, so I'm going to try falling in love again; this time, with the new adaptation of \u003c/em>Les Miserables\u003cem>. I hope you'll join me. Let's do this!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's the summer of June 1815! Put your bathing suit away though because things are BLEAK. We've been plopped into the day right after the Battle of Waterloo, where Napoleon was officially canceled, 65,000 people died and a 20-year-long war was finally put to a bloody end. Mom, can you come and pick me up? I'm scared.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What's worse than a series of panoramic shots of mutilated, dead soldiers as far as the eye can see? Close-up shots of dead horses with their eyes open, that's what! Because being scarred for life by Artex's death scene in \u003cem>The Neverending Story\u003c/em> just wasn't enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110945\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/artax-neverending-story.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"245\" height=\"149\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Oh, great, it gets worse; another horse blinks slowly as it takes its agonizing last breaths. I expect gruesome horse deaths from \u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>, but not Masterpiece Theater! Toto, we're not in Cornwall with Ross Poldark anymore.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A robber runs around stealing trinkets from the dead, until one of the corpses is like, \u003cem>Um, what the hell, I'm still (barely) alive. By the way, who won the war? \u003c/em>Turns out there's no nice way to say, \"Not you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fast forward to some point in the future. We're now in Paris and I don't see a single dying horse (hallelujah!). Things are still bleak though. Think of the opening \"Bonjour!\" sequence from Disney's \u003cem>Beauty and the Beast\u003c/em>, but everyone is starving too much to deliver a hearty good morning, let alone sing one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It's less of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110536\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/belle-beauty-and-the-beast-spin-happy-book.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"225\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>And more of this:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110535\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/i-need-six-eggs-beauty-and-the-beast-disney.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In short, the struggle is very real.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The nearly dead dude from earlier has a name—Pontmercy—and somehow managed to survive. You'd think things could only get better after being left for dead under the weight of a deceased horse, but Pontmercy's life still sucks. His #TeamMonarchy father-in-law has his curly ponytailed wig in a twist over Pontmercy's allegiance to #TeamBonaparte and bans him from ever seeing his son. Homeboy just went to equine hell and back; can we cut him some slack?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110979\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-door-slam.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I'll take that as a no. Can someone throw a dead horse on #TeamMonarchy father-in-law already?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Outside, a girl named Fantine excitedly makes plans with her two friends. I don't know much about the story of \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em>, but I do know a lot about Anne Hathaway's 2013 Oscar campaign for playing this role. I won't spoil anything for those more clueless than I, but let's just say: soak up any shots of Fantine smiling and enjoying her long hair while you can.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over in a place called Toulon, Prisoner #24601 is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Not only is he in chains, being marched out of a disease-ridden boat to do hard labor in the sun all day, but annoying kids have to be brats on top of everything else!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110982\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-brat.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Hello? Yes, I'd like to order another dead horse. You can deliver that to the top of this little kid's head. Okay, great, thank you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At the quarry job site, Prisoner #24601 watches guards taunt and beat his fellow prisoners for no reason. He thinks to himself, \u003cem>I know this series has the word \"miserable\" in the title, but enough is enough.\u003c/em> Prisoner #24601 uses his pick-ax to unleash an avalanche of boulders on one of the guards. Everyone is horrified by the man's screams except for Prisoner #24601, who looks on while making this face:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-47451\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/11/evil-smile.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"275\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>No one can get the guard out from under the rocks, so Prisoner #24601 lifts the rocks with his back while turning a scary red color.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110983\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1020x465.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-160x73.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-800x365.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-768x350.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM-1200x547.png 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-3.21.32-PM.png 1276w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The Hulk, but crimson. I'm into it (and a little scared).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, the lead prison guard, Javert, taunts Prisoner #24601: \u003cem>You thought you were going to be released early for being heroic? LOL, never gonna happen! P.S. I bet I would be a better criminal than you!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Um, okay. Next time, just say \"Nanny nanny boo boo\" and let this poor man go back to \u003cdel>bed\u003c/del> the planks of wood he is forced to sleep on.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Prisoner #24601 is apparently serving a 19-year sentence for stealing a measly piece of bread. Thank goodness we no longer live in a society where people receive absurdly long jail sentences for minor crimes. Oh, wait...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Meanwhile, at a rave in Paris, three guys check out Fantine and her friends. They agree Fantine is a virgin and one of them decides to—I'm guessing—ruin her life. They all dance until daybreak and Fantine seems happy. I'm already devastated about whatever's about to happen to her.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-106867\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2018/10/despair-sad-upset-gif.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"238\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At work the next day, Fantine is all;\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-96642\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/sailor-moon-heart-eyes.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"366\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of her friends tries to get real with her, explaining that fancy men only want one thing from working girls like them, and it's not a hand in marriage. Now that that's cleared up, someone should also tell Fantine that, even though she could totally play a convincing Belle, this isn't a Disney production and her happy ending is most definitely going to get lost in the mail.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Despite her friend's warning, Fantine hangs out with Felix again.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"You look like an angel.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fantine:\u003c/strong> \"My friend said I shouldn't believe a word you say.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND, FANTINE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"Before I met you, I sought nothing but my own selfish pleasure. Now, I want to dedicate my life to you.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HA HA HA, THAT'S FUNNY, FELIX. TELL ANOTHER ONE!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"You see, I'm a poet. I hope to be famous one day. And you will be my Muse.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>RUN, FANTINE, RUN!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"I wonder if you know how I'm suffering. Are you going to be merciful, Fantine? Will you take pity on me?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Fantine:\u003c/strong> \"I don't want you to be sad. You promise you'll be good to be, Felix?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Felix:\u003c/strong> \"On my life.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>HE IS SCAMMING YOU, FANTINE! DON'T FALL FOR IT!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine falls for it.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110992\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/face-palm-compilation.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"343\" height=\"272\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Toulon, Javert makes an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with Prisoner #24601 while another prisoner is executed by a firing squad. This series is in desperate need of some cute puppy relief. I'm gonna place this darling image of my favorite Masterpiece pup, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>'s Horace the Pug, here as a form of cleansing.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-96825\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"352\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1020x561.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-160x88.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-800x440.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-768x423.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1920x1057.jpg 1920w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-1180x649.jpg 1180w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-960x528.jpg 960w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-240x132.jpg 240w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-375x206.jpg 375w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy-520x286.jpg 520w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2017/10/horace-copy.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Ahhh. I feel better, don't you?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over at #TeamRoyalist HQ, Pontmercy's father-in-law is brainwashing Pontmercy's son, Marius, with classist propaganda. He's also getting him drunk.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110985\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-wine-drinking.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Napoleon: Scoundrel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Daddy: Scoundrel.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>This wine: Crisp with notes of pear and a nice tart finish.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>All of a sudden we're hit with a sped-up montage of clouds moving, icicles melting and Fantine losing her virginity. Boom, it's a year later. Time flies after you discover the joys of sex with a man who's no good for you, I guess. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Toulon, Prisoner #24601 has finally served his entire 19 years and is being released. He strips off his prisoner uniform and Javert can't help but sneak a peek.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110987\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-naked.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110989\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/he-must-work-out-dumb-and-dumber.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"413\" height=\"232\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>With only a handful of francs to his name (which is Jean Valjean by the way...)\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110990\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-jean-valjean.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...Valjean wanders the French countryside, which is full of haters. Every villager he comes across is too busy giving him a dirty look to give him a helping hand. So he tries to make his own way, offering to help haul barrels of ale into a tavern for an entire afternoon for some change. After all the work is done, the owners grossly underpay him because he's an ex-convict. Or maybe they just have a thing against bold beards?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That night, Valjean is turned away from every inn in town. (Bethlehem called. They want their heartlessness back.) While trying to get some shut-eye on a public bench, a cute old lady is like, \u003cem>Hey, sorry that all my neighbors are a-holes. Try that house over there.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Inside that house over there, a bishop is having a low-key \u003cdel>Netflix and\u003c/del> chill night in. His maid is cluing him into all the town gossip: \u003cem>My holy dude, today there was this creepy crimson Hulk guy with a really ugly face walking around town. Because What Would Jesus Do? bracelets haven't been invented yet, none of us have to feel bad about not wanting to help him. That's how religion works, right?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Just then, Valjean shows up like \u003cem>Hey, who was just talking smack about my face?\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110995\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-cross.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Thankfully, unlike his maid and neighbors, the bishop is woke. He's not a fan of the prison industrial complex and offers Valjean a meal and a guest room. Valjean looks all around for Ashton Kutcher, convinced that he's being Punk'd. 19 years without even a smidge of kindness would make anyone paranoid.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Woke Bishop and Valjean get into a debate about whether love and kindness can change a man.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Woke Bishop:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Eat pray love is my philosophy! Hm, maybe I should write a polarizing memoir and call it that!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Valjean:\u003c/strong> \u003cem>Sounds like something terrible I would never read! I'd be into something called Eat Curse Hate though.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>They agree to disagree for now and head to bed. Woke Bishop gives Valjean the room next to his and even leaves the door between their rooms open as a sign of trust. Am I the only one who wants this guy to be my grandpa and read to me?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>At this point, Valjean is looking under the bed and behind the curtains for Ashton Kutcher. There's no way someone would be this nice for no reason, right?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once Woke Bishop is asleep and dreaming of meeting a hottie in Bali (the last section of his insufferable memoir isn't going to write itself!), Valjean steals all the silverware and sneaks out.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-16986\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2015/07/tyra-rooting-for-you.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"303\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The next morning, because he's a wonderful person, Woke Bishop sees the theft and betrayal as an opportunity to fall in love with eating with his hands. Someone canonize this man already!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While St. Woke Bishop is enjoying some finger food, there's a knock at the door. It's a bunch of cops, who've caught Valjean and all the pilfered silverware.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>St. Woke Bishop:\u003c/strong> \"Welcome back! I'm glad to see you! You forgot to take the candlesticks, didn't you?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>He then explains to the cops that he wants Valjean to have anything he wants.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110996\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/heart-burst-full-rainbows-colbert-crying-happy.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>After the cops leave, St. Woke Bishop tells Valjean that the best way to repay him is to become a good man and live a good life. Valjean's face has an allergic reaction to all this kindness:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110997\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/les-miserables-valjean-mad.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"226\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Valjean storms out with all his loot and St. Woke Bishop gets back to smiling while eating with his fingers. Bless his heart.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Paris, Fantine and her friends are on a triple date with Felix and his bros. They all run around and kiss and pee in the woods and eat a fancy meal together. All the while, the boys keep alluding to a big surprise they have in store. Finally, they leave the dining room to go get it, leaving the girls to guess what it could be (something pretty? gold necklaces? a vow of feminism?).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Moments later, a waiter comes in with an envelope with \"This is the surprise\" written on it. The letter reads:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>This was fun and all, but rich men don't marry poor whores. HA HA HA! Talk to you never!\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Actually, ghosting Fantine and her friends like that earns them not just a brief animated gif but the entire song:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/aAk_QbaB5Ts'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/aAk_QbaB5Ts'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Rot in hell, Felix and friends!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Speaking of rude men, on a country road, Valjean steals a little boy's money and laughs about it. Then he hears the church bells from the distant town and remembers sweet, old, fork-less St. Woke Bishop. Valjean finally feels a sense of shame and tries barking after the robbed little boy, but it's too late. Valjean realizes how badly he needs to rehabilitate (and bathe) himself. For now, doing child's pose in the middle of the road will have to be enough.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-110999\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-1020x685.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"430\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-1020x685.png 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-160x107.png 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-800x537.png 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM-768x516.png 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/Screen-Shot-2019-04-12-at-11.21.20-PM.png 1048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Back in Paris, Fantine returns home, broken-hearted, and a woman with a baby says, \"Here's \u003cem>maman\u003c/em>!\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-111000\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/shocked-baby.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"295\" height=\"222\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine and Felix have a baby together???? Things just got a whole lot more (les) miserable(s).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Fantine takes her daughter upstairs and sobs, \"Oh, Cosette, whatever are we going to do now?\" Probably suffer a lot and then die while Felix is off somewhere enjoying bonbons!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Once more, with feeling:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110998\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/04/i-hate-men-kiss-me-kate.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"568\" height=\"312\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>End scene!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>After every episode, it’s only right to reward characters who’ve impressed and diss the ones that haven’t, so here goes:\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>PIECE OF COAL: Felix And His Bros. \u003c/strong>Roll out the guillotine. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>HONORABLE MENTION: All Those Dead Horses. \u003c/strong>I hope pony heaven is full of oats or whatever y'all are into. Miss you!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>BRONZE:\u003c/strong> \u003cstrong>Marius Pontmercy. \u003c/strong>A wine sommelier by the age of four? What a legend.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>SILVER: Fantine. \u003c/strong>Here's a silver lining to go with that silver medal: Brutal breakups lead to great breakup albums. Write your \u003cem>Jagged Little Pill\u003c/em>, sister!\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"m_-8500230470282184039p1\">\u003cstrong>GOLD: St. Woke Bishop\u003c/strong>\u003cspan class=\"m_-8500230470282184039s1\">\u003cstrong>. \u003c/strong>Tied with Mister Rogers for Nicest Neighbor Ever. I can't wait to read his memoir.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! If you miss my thoughts on \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> or pop culture in general, follow me on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/xcusemybeauty\">@xcusemybeauty\u003c/a>, listen to my podcast \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-cooler/id1041117499?mt=2\">\u003cem>The Cooler\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or read my other \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/recaps\">\u003ci>r\u003c/i>ecaps\u003c/a> (\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/poldark\">\u003cem>Poldark\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/victoria\">\u003cem>Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/tag/downton-abbey\">\u003cem>Downton Abbey\u003c/em>\u003c/a> and—coming soon—\u003cem>Game of Thrones\u003c/em>)!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Inspired by the PBS / BBC new adaptation of \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/shows/les-miserables/\">\u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, we're talking about why your favorite period dramas are likely wildly inaccurate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/forgive-me-les-miserables-crying-.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We're also chatting with comedian and \u003cem>Orange Is The New Black\u003c/em> star Laura Lapkus...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/lauren-lapkus-heart-hands-love.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"254\" height=\"264\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...walking you through the bonkers AF plot of the new Britney Spears musical...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110336/britney-spears-musical-features-princesses-reading-the-feminine-mystique-no-joke\">https://www.kqed.org/pop/110336/britney-spears-musical-features-princesses-reading-the-feminine-mystique-no-joke\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...digging into the college admission scam that sent Felicity Huffman, Aunt Becky from \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> and dozens of other rich people to prison...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/becky-full-house-jail-scam-college-admission.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and celebrating the return of Dido.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mfladpK0AA\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Listen to hear all about it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[audio src=\"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/thecooler/2019/03/LesMiz.mp3\" title=\"Les Miserables, Now Less Miserably White\" program=\"The Cooler\" image=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/les-miserables-bbc-pbs.jpg\"]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1041117499\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Subscribe and rate us five stars in iTunes\u003c/a>! And find us on \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQED-Pop-336039936485067/timeline/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqedpop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Newsflash: brunettes don't count as diversity and period pieces need to do better. Also, we chat with 'Orange Is The New Black' star Lauren Lapkus, dig into the college admission scam and try to make sense of the Britney Spears musical.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Inspired by the PBS / BBC new adaptation of \u003ca href=\"https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/shows/les-miserables/\">\u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, we're talking about why your favorite period dramas are likely wildly inaccurate.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110384\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/forgive-me-les-miserables-crying-.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"251\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>We're also chatting with comedian and \u003cem>Orange Is The New Black\u003c/em> star Laura Lapkus...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110383\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/lauren-lapkus-heart-hands-love.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"254\" height=\"264\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...walking you through the bonkers AF plot of the new Britney Spears musical...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/pop/110336/britney-spears-musical-features-princesses-reading-the-feminine-mystique-no-joke\">https://www.kqed.org/pop/110336/britney-spears-musical-features-princesses-reading-the-feminine-mystique-no-joke\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...digging into the college admission scam that sent Felicity Huffman, Aunt Becky from \u003cem>Full House\u003c/em> and dozens of other rich people to prison...\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-110382\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/03/becky-full-house-jail-scam-college-admission.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"150\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>...and celebrating the return of Dido.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/-mfladpK0AA'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/-mfladpK0AA'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>Listen to hear all about it:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Until next week! \u003ca href=\"https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1041117499\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Subscribe and rate us five stars in iTunes\u003c/a>! And find us on \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQED-Pop-336039936485067/timeline/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook\u003c/a> and \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/kqedpop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter\u003c/a>!\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "What’s Our Problem with Anne Hathaway?",
"title": "What’s Our Problem with Anne Hathaway?",
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"content": "\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1905\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 974px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/27/whats-our-problem-with-anne-hathaway/2013-acting-winners/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1905\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1905\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners.jpg\" alt=\"Jason Merritt/Getty Images\" width=\"974\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners.jpg 974w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-400x387.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-800x774.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 974px) 100vw, 974px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jason Merritt/Getty Images\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>By guest contributor \u003ca href=\"http://www.thebolditalic.com/contributors/tonybravo\">Tony Bravo\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s our problem with Anne Hathaway? Something happened around the Golden Globes when the culture turned against the actress. That first major win of the awards season settled it: her excitement at her victory and laundry list of thank you acknowledgements made us see her as an \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywood.com/news/celebrities/55000498/why-do-people-hate-anne-hathaway?page=1\" target=\"_blank\">over eager teacher’s pet\u003c/a> that was out to make the rest of us look bad. I’m saying this equally to both sexes so listen up guys that complain about her haircut making her less “bang-able” and girls that vaguely have some feeling that she’s kind of stuck-up. Why can’t we be happy for her when she was so recently in our collective good graces?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/why-do-people-hate-anne-hathaway\" target=\"_blank\">snark on the blogosphere\u003c/a> has been epic with each win, culminating Sunday night at the Academy Awards when she took home the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her performance in \u003cem>Les Miserable\u003c/em>. The complaints all season that her acceptance speeches were too earnest and gushy continued as did the criticism that she was too \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Ali_Star/statuses/295772991399292928\" target=\"_blank\">\"actressy”\u003c/a> and overeager. No wonder there’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/anne-hathaway-practiced-her-oscar-speech-a-lot-to-be-more-likable-2013262\" target=\"_blank\">rumors she practiced the speech\u003c/a> in the days leading up to the ceremony. It wasn’t the most polished speech of the night but was the universal eye roll on Twitter to her remarks (even the reference to the tragedy of prostitution) really necessary? Even her BREATHING was critiqued as being asthmatic and labored. Then there were the wardrobe critiques. On the topic of her pink Prada gown I'll be the first to say it: the dress had problems. I don’t know if those were actually darts making an unfortunately nippular effect on her dress like the official story goes or an unexpected Beverly Hills cold front as was speculated but let’s put the blame on the stylist where it belongs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The nastiness over the unfortunate effect was one of the evening’s social media low points. What is this moment in our culture where we seem to be universally gunning for an actress we’ve kept employed in films for a decade? Remember how we all rushed to her defense after the James Franco hosting debacle at the Academy Awards two years ago? We enjoyed her as recently as the summer when she was restoring our vision of Catwoman in \u003cem>The Dark Knight Rises\u003c/em>, what happened?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Is it the Best Supporting Actress Curse? It has been noted, for certain winners, the Best Supporting Actress Oscar brings an ill career wind. Sure, the Cate Blanchetts and Judi Denchs don’t seem to have suffered but for every Penelope Cruz there’s a Marissa Tomei whose career stalled for much of the '90s after a backlash against her win for \u003cem>My Cousin Vinnie\u003c/em>. There’s also Mira Sorvino, last seen on Lifetime, and speaking of “last seen” where did Melissa Leo and her maligned potty-mouth go? Let’s not forgot Mo’Nique (although feature films seem to) and other than those Weight Watchers commercials, her song from \u003cem>Dreamgirls\u003c/em> on Sunday was the first time we’ve seen Jennifer Hudson in a while. With her win seen as an inevitability, did the bad best supporting actress juju hit early?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the years we’ve watched Hathaway make the transition from Disney royalty in the \u003cem>Princess Diaries\u003c/em> movies to an actress entrusted with prestige projects. There was no snark when she was nominated in 2009 for Best Actress for her performance in \u003cem>Rachel Getting Married\u003c/em> but Rachel was a small independent feature with a relatively low profile. Besides, in 2009 Hathaway was seen as a long-shot against winner Kate Winslet in \u003cem>The Reader\u003c/em>; it’s easy to be happy for someone you’re pretty sure isn’t going to win. Has the Everygirl’s success alienated her? Since Anne Hathaway came to us first in the guise of a high school girl perhaps we see her in the same light as our high school friends: we want her to be happy, but not too happy. It’s okay if she’s successful but she shouldn’t be so successful that our faces are rubbed in it. There’s nothing wrong with the kid voted “most likely to succeed” fulfilling that prophecy but it sure does piss us off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some are complaining of Hathaway Fatigue due to overexposure. She has had a benchmark year between \u003cem>The Dark Knight Rises\u003c/em>, her autumn wedding, \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> and her near sweep of award season and yet she seems no more exposed than best actress winner Jennifer Lawrence, who’s also starring in two blockbuster franchises (the \u003cem>X-Men\u003c/em> reboot and \u003cem>The Hunger Games\u003c/em>) in addition to her role in \u003cem>Silver Linings Playbook\u003c/em>. Hathaway’s media presence is hardly Kardashian in scale; before we complain about her very real accomplishments making news, can’t we think first of anyone on a show with Housewives in the title? Speaking of Lawrence, she and Hathaway have had almost polar opposite experiences with the fans this award season. Lawrence is seen as casual and good humored in her red carpet persona and acceptance speeches: Hathaway is damned if she seems surprised and damned if she seems too rehearsed. Lawrence’s \u003ca href=\"http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/01/16/jennifer-lawrence-i-beat-meryl/\" target=\"_blank\">“I beat Meryl”\u003c/a> comment at the Golden Globes went by mostly without critique (although it struck us as one of the evening’s less gracious moments): Hathaway’s “it came true” remark on Sunday was seen as cutesy and another sign of the actress’s artificiality. In the award season dynamic Lawrence got to play the girl we love to love: Hathaway was cast as the girl we love to loathe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s one of the uglier parts of the American cycle: building to tear down. Hathaway has been accused of having a quality of needing to win approval and be liked: do we need to deny her that approval as payback for her success? Whether she succumbs to any best supporting actress curse or our collective schadenfreude remains to be seen. What is known is that our griping will not take away any of her accomplishments of this past year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whatever unnameable quality of annoyance we’ve found in her was not shared by her peers in Hollywood who rewarded her work. Guys, her hair will grow out and girls, if she seems a little stuck up maybe it’s because she just won an Oscar, not a Twitter war. No matter how many people complain that her shock when her name was called by Christopher Plummer as best supporting actress on Sunday looked fake she still gets to keep her Oscar. I promise you: you’ll get over being mad at her for those reasons you can’t quite explain. Anne Hathaway will continue to work and you’ll find someone else to be the object of your snark. We will get over our Hathaway hate when another target presents itself.\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/27/whats-our-problem-with-anne-hathaway/2013-acting-winners/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1905\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, you may love Jennifer Lawrence this award season but what are you going to do in a year when she starts to seem a little too big for her britches?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_1905\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 974px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/27/whats-our-problem-with-anne-hathaway/2013-acting-winners/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1905\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-1905\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners.jpg\" alt=\"Jason Merritt/Getty Images\" width=\"974\" height=\"943\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners.jpg 974w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-400x387.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-800x774.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/2013-acting-winners-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 974px) 100vw, 974px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">Jason Merritt/Getty Images\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>\u003cstrong>\u003cem>By guest contributor \u003ca href=\"http://www.thebolditalic.com/contributors/tonybravo\">Tony Bravo\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What’s our problem with Anne Hathaway? Something happened around the Golden Globes when the culture turned against the actress. That first major win of the awards season settled it: her excitement at her victory and laundry list of thank you acknowledgements made us see her as an \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywood.com/news/celebrities/55000498/why-do-people-hate-anne-hathaway?page=1\" target=\"_blank\">over eager teacher’s pet\u003c/a> that was out to make the rest of us look bad. I’m saying this equally to both sexes so listen up guys that complain about her haircut making her less “bang-able” and girls that vaguely have some feeling that she’s kind of stuck-up. Why can’t we be happy for her when she was so recently in our collective good graces?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/why-do-people-hate-anne-hathaway\" target=\"_blank\">snark on the blogosphere\u003c/a> has been epic with each win, culminating Sunday night at the Academy Awards when she took home the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her performance in \u003cem>Les Miserable\u003c/em>. The complaints all season that her acceptance speeches were too earnest and gushy continued as did the criticism that she was too \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/Ali_Star/statuses/295772991399292928\" target=\"_blank\">\"actressy”\u003c/a> and overeager. No wonder there’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/anne-hathaway-practiced-her-oscar-speech-a-lot-to-be-more-likable-2013262\" target=\"_blank\">rumors she practiced the speech\u003c/a> in the days leading up to the ceremony. It wasn’t the most polished speech of the night but was the universal eye roll on Twitter to her remarks (even the reference to the tragedy of prostitution) really necessary? Even her BREATHING was critiqued as being asthmatic and labored. Then there were the wardrobe critiques. On the topic of her pink Prada gown I'll be the first to say it: the dress had problems. I don’t know if those were actually darts making an unfortunately nippular effect on her dress like the official story goes or an unexpected Beverly Hills cold front as was speculated but let’s put the blame on the stylist where it belongs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The nastiness over the unfortunate effect was one of the evening’s social media low points. What is this moment in our culture where we seem to be universally gunning for an actress we’ve kept employed in films for a decade? Remember how we all rushed to her defense after the James Franco hosting debacle at the Academy Awards two years ago? We enjoyed her as recently as the summer when she was restoring our vision of Catwoman in \u003cem>The Dark Knight Rises\u003c/em>, what happened?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Is it the Best Supporting Actress Curse? It has been noted, for certain winners, the Best Supporting Actress Oscar brings an ill career wind. Sure, the Cate Blanchetts and Judi Denchs don’t seem to have suffered but for every Penelope Cruz there’s a Marissa Tomei whose career stalled for much of the '90s after a backlash against her win for \u003cem>My Cousin Vinnie\u003c/em>. There’s also Mira Sorvino, last seen on Lifetime, and speaking of “last seen” where did Melissa Leo and her maligned potty-mouth go? Let’s not forgot Mo’Nique (although feature films seem to) and other than those Weight Watchers commercials, her song from \u003cem>Dreamgirls\u003c/em> on Sunday was the first time we’ve seen Jennifer Hudson in a while. With her win seen as an inevitability, did the bad best supporting actress juju hit early?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Over the years we’ve watched Hathaway make the transition from Disney royalty in the \u003cem>Princess Diaries\u003c/em> movies to an actress entrusted with prestige projects. There was no snark when she was nominated in 2009 for Best Actress for her performance in \u003cem>Rachel Getting Married\u003c/em> but Rachel was a small independent feature with a relatively low profile. Besides, in 2009 Hathaway was seen as a long-shot against winner Kate Winslet in \u003cem>The Reader\u003c/em>; it’s easy to be happy for someone you’re pretty sure isn’t going to win. Has the Everygirl’s success alienated her? Since Anne Hathaway came to us first in the guise of a high school girl perhaps we see her in the same light as our high school friends: we want her to be happy, but not too happy. It’s okay if she’s successful but she shouldn’t be so successful that our faces are rubbed in it. There’s nothing wrong with the kid voted “most likely to succeed” fulfilling that prophecy but it sure does piss us off.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Some are complaining of Hathaway Fatigue due to overexposure. She has had a benchmark year between \u003cem>The Dark Knight Rises\u003c/em>, her autumn wedding, \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> and her near sweep of award season and yet she seems no more exposed than best actress winner Jennifer Lawrence, who’s also starring in two blockbuster franchises (the \u003cem>X-Men\u003c/em> reboot and \u003cem>The Hunger Games\u003c/em>) in addition to her role in \u003cem>Silver Linings Playbook\u003c/em>. Hathaway’s media presence is hardly Kardashian in scale; before we complain about her very real accomplishments making news, can’t we think first of anyone on a show with Housewives in the title? Speaking of Lawrence, she and Hathaway have had almost polar opposite experiences with the fans this award season. Lawrence is seen as casual and good humored in her red carpet persona and acceptance speeches: Hathaway is damned if she seems surprised and damned if she seems too rehearsed. Lawrence’s \u003ca href=\"http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/01/16/jennifer-lawrence-i-beat-meryl/\" target=\"_blank\">“I beat Meryl”\u003c/a> comment at the Golden Globes went by mostly without critique (although it struck us as one of the evening’s less gracious moments): Hathaway’s “it came true” remark on Sunday was seen as cutesy and another sign of the actress’s artificiality. In the award season dynamic Lawrence got to play the girl we love to love: Hathaway was cast as the girl we love to loathe.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s one of the uglier parts of the American cycle: building to tear down. Hathaway has been accused of having a quality of needing to win approval and be liked: do we need to deny her that approval as payback for her success? Whether she succumbs to any best supporting actress curse or our collective schadenfreude remains to be seen. What is known is that our griping will not take away any of her accomplishments of this past year.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whatever unnameable quality of annoyance we’ve found in her was not shared by her peers in Hollywood who rewarded her work. Guys, her hair will grow out and girls, if she seems a little stuck up maybe it’s because she just won an Oscar, not a Twitter war. No matter how many people complain that her shock when her name was called by Christopher Plummer as best supporting actress on Sunday looked fake she still gets to keep her Oscar. I promise you: you’ll get over being mad at her for those reasons you can’t quite explain. Anne Hathaway will continue to work and you’ll find someone else to be the object of your snark. We will get over our Hathaway hate when another target presents itself.\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/27/whats-our-problem-with-anne-hathaway/2013-acting-winners/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1905\">\u003cbr>\n\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>For example, you may love Jennifer Lawrence this award season but what are you going to do in a year when she starts to seem a little too big for her britches?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"disqusTitle": "Why Argo Might Win the Oscar for Best Picture (for All the Wrong Reasons)",
"title": "Why Argo Might Win the Oscar for Best Picture (for All the Wrong Reasons)",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-title-real/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1608\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1608\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real.jpeg\" alt=\"argo title real\" width=\"642\" height=\"398\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real.jpeg 642w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real-400x247.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 642px) 100vw, 642px\">\u003c/a>Well fellow cinephiles, this could be 2006 all over again. Has it been seven years since (that \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfQs7WbVse8\">train wreck\u003c/a> of a movie) \u003cem>Crash\u003c/em> beat out the elegant favorite \u003cem>Brokeback Mountain\u003c/em>? Each week up until about mid-January the Oscar race for Best Picture flip-flopped from movie to movie. Before \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> even hit the screen, it was hailed as the movie to beat and then everyone went to see it on Christmas and walked out of the theatre confused and pretty sure they could \u003ca href=\"http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Your-Consideration-Les-Miserables-Lost-Best-Picture-Moment-Russell-Crowe-Opened-His-Mouth-35824.html\">sing better\u003c/a> than Russell Crowe. Now \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, the Ben Affleck-director-political-suspense-thriller-based-on-a-true story is the front-runner that’s here to stay. In a race where the other eight nominated films have the honest qualities of a true winner, it could all end up in the hands of \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>. Here are a few potential reasons why \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> might end up taking home that little golden dude:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-1-edit/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1597\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 1 edit\" width=\"600\" height=\"366\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit-400x244.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Because it’s a bro’s bro.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“So, have you seen \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> yet?” the frat dude says as he leans into her at the bar, his breath smelling of Red Bull and disdain. As if! \u003cem>Zero Dark Thirty\u003c/em> has quite the package: suspense, action, foreign intrigue, even torture, but what it’s lacking is, of course, a strong male lead like Ben Affleck. It’s a shame the strength and competence of \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxvwq8cKaT1qz9xvjo1_r4_500.gif\">Jessica Chastain\u003c/a>’s character Maya cannot compete with Affleck’s Tony Mendez, otherwise \u003cem>ZDT\u003c/em> would be a shoe-in for the boys of \u003ca href=\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_vY8I5HvOvk8/SZCgRYVhgvI/AAAAAAAACfQ/LaijRaIYR54/s320/revenge-of-the-nerds.jpg\">Alpha Beta\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1598\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1598\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 2\" width=\"702\" height=\"435\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2.jpeg 702w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2-400x247.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 702px) 100vw, 702px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Because it’s like \u003cem>The DaVinci Code\u003c/em> the book version.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nDisclaimer: I have never read \u003cem>The DaVinci Code\u003c/em> nor have I seen the movie. However, I have paged through the book and what I do know is that it is compiled of very short, easy-to-read chapters that leave the reader wanting more. It is unlikely a film like \u003cem>Amour\u003c/em> can hold a candle. In \u003cem>Amour,\u003c/em> we glide through Georges and Anne’s home listlessly unearthing layers of wood and light: lives lived and love had. \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is the pleasure principle in its finest form, like a great pop song or the Kardashians (I still think \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv2zigvVNX1qzb62zo1_500.gif\">Kourtney\u003c/a> and Khloe have yet to really \u003cem>take\u003c/em> Miami); you want bubblegum and it delivers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-3-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1600\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1600\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 3\" width=\"600\" height=\"348\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31-400x232.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Because it’s Hollywood talking about Hollywood.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>The Artist \u003c/em>took the award last year and deservedly so. The Academy might be on a streak. In \u003cem>Argo, \u003c/em>Affleck has made a movie within a movie. It’s all very meta but done in a very conventional manner. Instead of showing us what Hollywood can do, we are given \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, a movie showing us what Hollywood already does. \u003cem>Life of Pi\u003c/em> would be the perfect example of what it’s like to take cinema to an ultra-cinematic level. The shots are breathtaking: aerial views that \u003ca href=\"http://cdn1.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Life-of-Pi-Ending-Explained.jpg\">isolate the ship \u003c/a>from our main character and a horizon where it is impossible to distinguish where the sky ends and the water begins. \u003cem>Life of Pi\u003c/em> is a truly lavish cinematic experience. The closest we get in \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is when scenes from the movie are set side-by-side with actual archival footage as though Affleck is saying: Look at how perfectly I recreated this, not a hair out of place!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/django-real/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1609\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1609\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real.jpeg\" alt=\"django real\" width=\"650\" height=\"437\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real.jpeg 650w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real-400x268.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Because it’s already nabbed the Golden Globe and the BAFTA.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThe past four years the \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf8uDTUVx3Y\">BAFTA\u003c/a> has predicted the winner but the past four years there have been arguably clear winners. The Golden Globes are notorious for surprises and lucky for last year’s \u003cem>The Descendants\u003c/em>, the Globes split their best films into comedy and drama categories. But let’s jump back to another one of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VKK2mskvtg\">biggest snubs\u003c/a> of Oscar history, \u003cem>Forrest Gump\u003c/em> winning over \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em>. Tom Hanks and Ben Affleck are basically \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfan3psl611qb6180o1_500.jpg\">the same person\u003c/a>, handsome and likeable. Quentin did not win with \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em> and will not win for \u003cem>Django Unchained\u003c/em>: too much witty dialogue, too much violence, too much outstanding acting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-5/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1602\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1602\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 5\" width=\"600\" height=\"401\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5-400x267.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Because Ben Affleck somehow turned into The Little Engine That Could.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWe all remember when he and Matt Damon jumped on the stage way back in 1997 and thanked Southie or whatever. It was cute and we were happy and they were Hollywood nobodies that became \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8RIS5GJqAg\">Hollywood somebodies\u003c/a> at that very moment. But that was like thirteen years ago and now Affleck has been denied a Best Director nomination and the world is in mourning. (I will not mention Kathryn Bigelow here.) Turn to \u003cem>Beasts of the Southern Wild\u003c/em>, note the modest budget, the non-actor actors, the no-name filmmakers, the huge courage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-6/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1603\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1603\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 6\" width=\"620\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6.jpeg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6-400x258.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Because it tackles a declassified government secret and that’s exciting.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWhat a caper! One of the most exciting things about \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is that while you’re watching it, you feel like you’re privy to this huge secret that the rest of world (in the movie) doesn’t know about. It was a secret and now it’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2012/10/12/argo_true_story_the_facts_and_fiction_behind_the_ben_affleck_movie.html\">talked about\u003c/a> but only after government permission. That’s not going to bode well for \u003cem>Silver Linings Playbook\u003c/em> where they deal with the still very taboo topic of mental illness in a charming and funny way. And not since \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpIYz8tfGjY\">\u003cem>Annie Hall\u003c/em>\u003c/a> has a true and nervous comedy won Best Picture and it has since become epic, in a subtle and graceful way. Perhaps they are hoping the same for \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, but like epic in more of a humdrum sort of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-7/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1604\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1604\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 7\" width=\"743\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7.jpeg 743w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7-400x208.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 743px) 100vw, 743px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Because it makes you proud to be an American.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“This is the best bad idea we have, sir,” Tony Mendez tells his superior in \u003cem>Argo. \u003c/em>To disguise the hostages as filmmakers scouting locations for an upcoming sci-fi flick might just be crazy enough to work. It’s an out-of-the-box scheme that leaves you feeling happy you live in a country whose government allows for such creativity. The past two years have been somewhat Euro-centric with \u003cem>The King’s Speech\u003c/em> and \u003cem>The Artist \u003c/em>taking home the top prize, it’s about time the Academy picks a good-ole-fashioned stars-and-stripes-waving \u003ca href=\"http://a57.foxnews.com/global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/Entertainment/0/371/Armageddon.JPG\">piece of our history\u003c/a>. But what about \u003cem>Lincoln\u003c/em> you ask? Perhaps it is too well known a story or perhaps the plan is to dole out awards to Daniel Day Lewis, Stephen Spielberg, and Tony Kushner, leaving room for \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, cozy American \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-8/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1605\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1605\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 8\" width=\"650\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8.jpeg 650w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8-400x276.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. Because its flame is still burning hot.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere’s no denying \u003cem>Argo’s\u003c/em> momentum. \u003cem>Les Miserables \u003c/em>was just as hot to trot (they’re singing live! \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y4yxsRRnvkE\">Anne Hathaway\u003c/a> is brilliant!) in December but fizzled out by January. It’s a classic case of backlash and then backlash to the backlash and so on and so forth. Meanwhile \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> quietly held its ground. No one has had very many issues with the actual content of the film, where movies like \u003cem>ZDT\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Django\u003c/em> made the news on a daily basis. Perhaps controversy will get you attention but won’t win you awards.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look, \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is the huge favorite and I’ve accepted that. I’m not saying I will denounce the Oscars or award shows if \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> wins. I mean, I’ll probably throw my hands in the air and give a big eye roll while shoving hummus into my mouth. But I suppose what’s oddly great about the Oscars is that no one was expecting \u003cem>Crash \u003c/em>to win in 2006, and it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "In a race where the other eight nominated films have the honest qualities of a true winner, the Academy Award for Best Picture will probably go to Argo.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-title-real/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1608\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1608\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real.jpeg\" alt=\"argo title real\" width=\"642\" height=\"398\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real.jpeg 642w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-title-real-400x247.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 642px) 100vw, 642px\">\u003c/a>Well fellow cinephiles, this could be 2006 all over again. Has it been seven years since (that \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfQs7WbVse8\">train wreck\u003c/a> of a movie) \u003cem>Crash\u003c/em> beat out the elegant favorite \u003cem>Brokeback Mountain\u003c/em>? Each week up until about mid-January the Oscar race for Best Picture flip-flopped from movie to movie. Before \u003cem>Les Miserables\u003c/em> even hit the screen, it was hailed as the movie to beat and then everyone went to see it on Christmas and walked out of the theatre confused and pretty sure they could \u003ca href=\"http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Your-Consideration-Les-Miserables-Lost-Best-Picture-Moment-Russell-Crowe-Opened-His-Mouth-35824.html\">sing better\u003c/a> than Russell Crowe. Now \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, the Ben Affleck-director-political-suspense-thriller-based-on-a-true story is the front-runner that’s here to stay. In a race where the other eight nominated films have the honest qualities of a true winner, it could all end up in the hands of \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>. Here are a few potential reasons why \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> might end up taking home that little golden dude:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-1-edit/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1597\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1597\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 1 edit\" width=\"600\" height=\"366\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-1-edit-400x244.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Because it’s a bro’s bro.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“So, have you seen \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> yet?” the frat dude says as he leans into her at the bar, his breath smelling of Red Bull and disdain. As if! \u003cem>Zero Dark Thirty\u003c/em> has quite the package: suspense, action, foreign intrigue, even torture, but what it’s lacking is, of course, a strong male lead like Ben Affleck. It’s a shame the strength and competence of \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxvwq8cKaT1qz9xvjo1_r4_500.gif\">Jessica Chastain\u003c/a>’s character Maya cannot compete with Affleck’s Tony Mendez, otherwise \u003cem>ZDT\u003c/em> would be a shoe-in for the boys of \u003ca href=\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_vY8I5HvOvk8/SZCgRYVhgvI/AAAAAAAACfQ/LaijRaIYR54/s320/revenge-of-the-nerds.jpg\">Alpha Beta\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1598\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1598\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 2\" width=\"702\" height=\"435\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2.jpeg 702w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-2-400x247.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 702px) 100vw, 702px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Because it’s like \u003cem>The DaVinci Code\u003c/em> the book version.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nDisclaimer: I have never read \u003cem>The DaVinci Code\u003c/em> nor have I seen the movie. However, I have paged through the book and what I do know is that it is compiled of very short, easy-to-read chapters that leave the reader wanting more. It is unlikely a film like \u003cem>Amour\u003c/em> can hold a candle. In \u003cem>Amour,\u003c/em> we glide through Georges and Anne’s home listlessly unearthing layers of wood and light: lives lived and love had. \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is the pleasure principle in its finest form, like a great pop song or the Kardashians (I still think \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv2zigvVNX1qzb62zo1_500.gif\">Kourtney\u003c/a> and Khloe have yet to really \u003cem>take\u003c/em> Miami); you want bubblegum and it delivers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-3-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1600\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1600\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 3\" width=\"600\" height=\"348\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-31-400x232.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Because it’s Hollywood talking about Hollywood.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>The Artist \u003c/em>took the award last year and deservedly so. The Academy might be on a streak. In \u003cem>Argo, \u003c/em>Affleck has made a movie within a movie. It’s all very meta but done in a very conventional manner. Instead of showing us what Hollywood can do, we are given \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, a movie showing us what Hollywood already does. \u003cem>Life of Pi\u003c/em> would be the perfect example of what it’s like to take cinema to an ultra-cinematic level. The shots are breathtaking: aerial views that \u003ca href=\"http://cdn1.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Life-of-Pi-Ending-Explained.jpg\">isolate the ship \u003c/a>from our main character and a horizon where it is impossible to distinguish where the sky ends and the water begins. \u003cem>Life of Pi\u003c/em> is a truly lavish cinematic experience. The closest we get in \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is when scenes from the movie are set side-by-side with actual archival footage as though Affleck is saying: Look at how perfectly I recreated this, not a hair out of place!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/django-real/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1609\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1609\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real.jpeg\" alt=\"django real\" width=\"650\" height=\"437\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real.jpeg 650w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/django-real-400x268.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Because it’s already nabbed the Golden Globe and the BAFTA.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThe past four years the \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf8uDTUVx3Y\">BAFTA\u003c/a> has predicted the winner but the past four years there have been arguably clear winners. The Golden Globes are notorious for surprises and lucky for last year’s \u003cem>The Descendants\u003c/em>, the Globes split their best films into comedy and drama categories. But let’s jump back to another one of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VKK2mskvtg\">biggest snubs\u003c/a> of Oscar history, \u003cem>Forrest Gump\u003c/em> winning over \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em>. Tom Hanks and Ben Affleck are basically \u003ca href=\"http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfan3psl611qb6180o1_500.jpg\">the same person\u003c/a>, handsome and likeable. Quentin did not win with \u003cem>Pulp Fiction\u003c/em> and will not win for \u003cem>Django Unchained\u003c/em>: too much witty dialogue, too much violence, too much outstanding acting.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-5/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1602\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1602\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 5\" width=\"600\" height=\"401\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5.jpeg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-5-400x267.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Because Ben Affleck somehow turned into The Little Engine That Could.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWe all remember when he and Matt Damon jumped on the stage way back in 1997 and thanked Southie or whatever. It was cute and we were happy and they were Hollywood nobodies that became \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8RIS5GJqAg\">Hollywood somebodies\u003c/a> at that very moment. But that was like thirteen years ago and now Affleck has been denied a Best Director nomination and the world is in mourning. (I will not mention Kathryn Bigelow here.) Turn to \u003cem>Beasts of the Southern Wild\u003c/em>, note the modest budget, the non-actor actors, the no-name filmmakers, the huge courage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-6/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1603\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1603\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 6\" width=\"620\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6.jpeg 620w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-6-400x258.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Because it tackles a declassified government secret and that’s exciting.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nWhat a caper! One of the most exciting things about \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is that while you’re watching it, you feel like you’re privy to this huge secret that the rest of world (in the movie) doesn’t know about. It was a secret and now it’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2012/10/12/argo_true_story_the_facts_and_fiction_behind_the_ben_affleck_movie.html\">talked about\u003c/a> but only after government permission. That’s not going to bode well for \u003cem>Silver Linings Playbook\u003c/em> where they deal with the still very taboo topic of mental illness in a charming and funny way. And not since \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpIYz8tfGjY\">\u003cem>Annie Hall\u003c/em>\u003c/a> has a true and nervous comedy won Best Picture and it has since become epic, in a subtle and graceful way. Perhaps they are hoping the same for \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, but like epic in more of a humdrum sort of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-7/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1604\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1604\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 7\" width=\"743\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7.jpeg 743w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-7-400x208.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 743px) 100vw, 743px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Because it makes you proud to be an American.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\n“This is the best bad idea we have, sir,” Tony Mendez tells his superior in \u003cem>Argo. \u003c/em>To disguise the hostages as filmmakers scouting locations for an upcoming sci-fi flick might just be crazy enough to work. It’s an out-of-the-box scheme that leaves you feeling happy you live in a country whose government allows for such creativity. The past two years have been somewhat Euro-centric with \u003cem>The King’s Speech\u003c/em> and \u003cem>The Artist \u003c/em>taking home the top prize, it’s about time the Academy picks a good-ole-fashioned stars-and-stripes-waving \u003ca href=\"http://a57.foxnews.com/global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/Entertainment/0/371/Armageddon.JPG\">piece of our history\u003c/a>. But what about \u003cem>Lincoln\u003c/em> you ask? Perhaps it is too well known a story or perhaps the plan is to dole out awards to Daniel Day Lewis, Stephen Spielberg, and Tony Kushner, leaving room for \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>, cozy American \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/20/why-argo-might-win-an-academy-award-for-all-the-wrong-reasons/argo-8/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1605\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1605\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8.jpeg\" alt=\"argo 8\" width=\"650\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8.jpeg 650w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/argo-8-400x276.jpeg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. Because its flame is still burning hot.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere’s no denying \u003cem>Argo’s\u003c/em> momentum. \u003cem>Les Miserables \u003c/em>was just as hot to trot (they’re singing live! \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y4yxsRRnvkE\">Anne Hathaway\u003c/a> is brilliant!) in December but fizzled out by January. It’s a classic case of backlash and then backlash to the backlash and so on and so forth. Meanwhile \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> quietly held its ground. No one has had very many issues with the actual content of the film, where movies like \u003cem>ZDT\u003c/em> and \u003cem>Django\u003c/em> made the news on a daily basis. Perhaps controversy will get you attention but won’t win you awards.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>*\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Look, \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> is the huge favorite and I’ve accepted that. I’m not saying I will denounce the Oscars or award shows if \u003cem>Argo\u003c/em> wins. I mean, I’ll probably throw my hands in the air and give a big eye roll while shoving hummus into my mouth. But I suppose what’s oddly great about the Oscars is that no one was expecting \u003cem>Crash \u003c/em>to win in 2006, and it did.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"info": "Our flagship program, helmed by Kai Ryssdal, examines what the day in money delivered, through stories, conversations, newsworthy numbers and more. Updated Monday through Friday at about 3:30 p.m. PT.",
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"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
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"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
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"soldout": {
"id": "soldout",
"title": "SOLD OUT: Rethinking Housing in America",
"tagline": "A new future for housing",
"info": "Sold Out: Rethinking Housing in America",
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},
"tech-nation": {
"id": "tech-nation",
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