The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I guess that means I'm kind of nuts because, every year, I think the Oscars won't be super duper boring and they always are, except for those brief rays of light that keep us coming back for more. Here's a rundown of the only moments worth talking about:
1. I know you're wondering what your best-friend-in-your-head got up to last night, so let's get right to that. Jennifer Lawrence didn't win for her portrayal of a nail-polish-obsessed arsonist housewife, but she did manage to win hearts by falling (again!). This time, her tumble almost took out some innocent woman. Never change, J. La.
2. In case you care about who actually won awards, Buster Bluth sums it up pretty well:
3. Pharrell has had a great year. His Daft Punk feature that terrorized our ears for what seemed like a full year, his Looney Tunes inspired hat at the Grammys, being nominated for an Oscar for his feel-good "Happy," and, most importantly, inspiring Meryl Streep, Lupita Nyong'o, and Amy Adams to bust a move.
4. Some of the best award show moments are born out of someone acting inappropriately and not following the script. Instead of thanking XY and Z and going on her way, Darlene Love, one of the stars of 20 Feet from Stardom, decided to just bust out in song...and it was not brief. (Notice how into it Bill Murray is.)
5. If I could give an acceptance speech, I would thank Kerry Washington for representing 98% of America with her unapologetic passion for pizza.
6. John Travolta had one job. Walk to your mark, read three sentences, then go back to eating pizza in the audience. Instead, he decided to be generally creepy for a while and then spice things up by introducing Idina Menzel by the name of Adele Dazeem. A plea for Adele to release more music? An audition for a dyslexia PSA? You decide.
7. Ellen broke Twitter and beat the Obamas' record for most retweets with this star-studded selfie. What you didn't see is Liza Minnelli desperately trying to claw her way into the frame.
8. Speaking of Liza and selfies, she knows her angles! And let's not even get into her inspired Manic Panic bangs or we'll be here all night.
9. Ellen as Glinda could be this Halloween's Miley with foam finger!
10. The Oscar for Keeping It Real goes to Lupita Nyong'o!
11. And just in case you're keeping track: