Colleen Patrick-Goudreau shares about writing her father’s eulogy and the stories that explain who we are.
My father lived for 94 years, and when he died recently, I had the honor — and the challenge — of writing his eulogy.
Trying to summarize 94 years of someone’s life in just a few minutes felt like an impossible task.
My father was a Korean War veteran, an author, a television host, a grandfather and a friend. He had a larger-than-life personality, a genuine curiosity about other people and a generous heart.
He was also, like all of us, a complicated human being.
As I wrote, I began to realize that I couldn’t possibly capture every aspect of who he was. Nor did I have to.
I knew him as my father. Others knew him as a friend, a fellow soldier, a colleague, a neighbor. Each of us had our own memories and experiences, our own understanding of who he was.
Each of us holds a piece of the larger mosaic.
What I didn’t expect was how much that realization would affect the way I saw myself.
I began thinking about all the people I’ve known throughout my life, and how differently each of them might describe me.
Some might remember my generosity, loyalty and compassion; others might recall moments when I was frustrated, impatient, hurt or simply not at my best.
And sometimes I’ve allowed the more negative perceptions to carry more weight than all the others, questioning who I am because of how one person might characterize me.
But no one person’s experience of me can encompass the whole of who I am. Just as my experience of someone else can never encompass the whole of who they are.
There’s something comforting and humbling about that realization. It allows me to give a little more grace to myself and to others, knowing that we each see only part of the whole picture.
Writing my father’s eulogy taught me that a life isn’t one story, told by one person. Each of us contains more stories than any one person could ever tell.
With a Perspective, this is Colleen Patrick-Goudreau.
Colleen Patrick-Goudreau is an animal advocate, vegan cookbook author and has hosted a podcast for 20 years. She lives in Oakland, California.