Patricia Aquino shares about her experiences parenting a teenager.
On the eve of my wedding at the age of 41, I was prepared to share my life with my partner, just the two of us. I had assumed that my opportunity to be a mother had passed and I wasn’t prepared when three months later, I discovered that I was pregnant and about to embark on the biggest journey of my life.
Now, as a mother of a teen, I’ve struggled to balance wanting to intervene by allowing them to make their own choices and mistakes. I want to encourage their independence and autonomy, but must be able to tolerate and support them through all their discomfort and pain, as well as when they feel appreciated and successful.
It’s like living adolescence all over again – a period of development I dare say none of us want to relive. I’ve been impressed with how mature they have handled the various challenges of early adolescence and taking school seriously. My spouse’s and my parents are already deceased, and we do not have the perspective of grandparents to frame what we’re experiencing. This has been lonely at times but also liberating.
Every day, we’re living on a prayer that this kid that we’re putting all our effort into will grow up to be a decent human being. We think they’re on their way. They seem to think we know nothing about life, but that’s OK.
We can tolerate discomfort and pain when our relationship shifts, when we feel abandoned and ignored, but also when we feel appreciated and successful. We’re enjoying being fully present this time around and with the good humor that comes with being older parents. With a Perspective, I’m Patricia Aquino.
Patricia Aquino is a Psychiatric Social Worker, lives in the South Bay and embraces the absurdity of midlife meets middle school.