Christina Schroeter: A Journey into Motherhood

Christina Schroeter shares about her experience and decision to become a mother.

I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but as I approached 40 and was not getting any closer, I realized I could either focus on becoming a mother or be willing to let it go.

For me, it didn’t feel like a choice. I broke up with my live-in partner, whom I loved but wasn’t ready to take the leap into parenthood. Soon after, my best friend proposed a radical idea. Rather than becoming a single mom, what if I had a baby with her and her husband?

Like me, she also wanted to have a child, but her husband didn’t want the responsibility. However, if there were two moms, how hard could it be? I did some serious soul searching, weighed it against being a single mom, and announced to my family that I would be having a baby with my friends. Before that became a reality, the whole idea blew up.

I started researching sperm donation, carefully selected a donor and was inseminated – twice. Both times failed. This was when I reconnected with the ex, who had come around and was ready to start trying. 

The next part of the journey was the most emotional. After several heartbreaking miscarriages, I finally had my first son at 40 years old. The birth of our son felt like a complete transformation. I remember the drive home from the hospital, sitting next to my newborn, taking in the world with a whole new lens. 

The journey continued, with more losses and multiple rounds of IVF that gave me my second child. 

Women face so much judgement about motherhood – it’s expected that we do it, but not when we’re too young, or too old, we should be married first, and it should happen naturally. For me, my internal calling was stronger. I stayed relentlessly focused and explored all paths, even the unconventional ones, and 10 years later, I’m now a mother on a new journey of raising two boys. With a Perspective, I’m Christina Schroeter.

Christina Schroeter is a graduate student living in Berkeley with her partner and their two children.