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"disqusTitle": "Vicariously Experience All Stages of a Relationship Through 6 Movies This Valentine's Day",
"title": "Vicariously Experience All Stages of a Relationship Through 6 Movies This Valentine's Day",
"headTitle": "KQED Pop | KQED Arts",
"content": "\u003cp>For single people, Valentine’s Day is basically a reminder of what is missing in your life, not really a celebration of the happiness of others. Valentine's Day is Rubbing It In Day. But this year, instead of being depressed, I'm proposing that the lonely hearts and I take a much simpler and healthier approach to compensating for a lack of a hand-holding by hitting the bar at noon on a Thursday. Come with me, take the day off and put your jammies on and experience your entire relationship run its course as you live vicariously through these six movies. By tomorrow you’ll feel free and alive and glad to be alone to drink the last of the coffee in the morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act I, The Stalking: \u003cem>Sixteen Candles\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/sixteen-candles/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1064\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1064 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-800x517.jpeg\" alt=\"sixteen candles\" width=\"800\" height=\"517\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-800x517.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-400x258.jpeg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">The reason we are starting with stalking is because, if '80s movies can be believed, that's how most relationships begin. Also, extreme crush-stalking is actually sort of enjoyable in its painful pining, and it builds character. We need to remind ourselves of just how hard it is to find someone who like-likes you back. Just don’t expect anyone you have been stalking to sit on a table filled with cake and kiss you. There will probably be some sort of a restraining order involved instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act II, The Revelation: \u003cem>Clueless\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/clueless/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1065\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1065 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless.jpg\" alt=\"clueless\" width=\"604\" height=\"340\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless.jpg 604w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 604px) 100vw, 604px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nIt was bound to happen -- you’ve been following/stalking the wrong person all along! You’re in love with your ex-stepbrother, of course! Just like in every other story that exists featuring a girl and boy who start as friends (like the literary classic, \u003cem>Emma\u003c/em>, that \u003cem>Clueless\u003c/em> is based on), you were bound to kiss. The lesson in this revelation is that you have to come to terms with an appropriate dating pool. Instead of stalking the swingin' hot gay dude, Cher needed to focus on the slacker college guy already in her life. You want to try to date someone a tiny bit below you so that they are always grateful to have you sitting around in your unflattering flannel pajamas and they won't care if you can't make the house smell like home-baked cookies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act III, The Fantasy Self: \u003cem>Beginners\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/beginners110606_560/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1066\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1066 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560.jpg\" alt=\"beginners110606_560\" width=\"560\" height=\"375\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560.jpg 560w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560-400x267.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 560px) 100vw, 560px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou are suddenly Ewan McGregor. You meet someone, you present your best self. They in turn, (a hot French girl), are their best self. The beginning of your relationship is built on tiny white lies, as you drag yourself to a party dressed as Sigmund Freud when you’d rather be at home in front of the TV. In the first few months, you are smarter, funnier, sexier and more daring than you knew you could ever be. You roller skate down hotel hallways and do crazy dance moves. This is why everyone pines for the beginning of their relationships later. We miss the crazy person we were trying to get away with being, before our real boring self came out and called the bluff. But eventually you realize you were pining for a lie, and you fall in love with your real person more, anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act IV, The Fight: \u003cem>Say Anything\u003c/em>/\u003cem>High Fidelity\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/58381637-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1076\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1076 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371.jpg\" alt=\"58381637\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371-400x266.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1075\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1075 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler.jpg\" alt=\"say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler\" width=\"800\" height=\"434\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler-400x217.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nI couldn’t decide between the aching fights in \u003cem>Say Anything\u003c/em> or \u003cem>High Fidelity\u003c/em>. Then I realized they both involve an emotional relationship with music-obsessed John Cusack where he calls you from a payphone in the pouring rain. What? How is it possible I never noticed how similar these movies are!? Your choice is between losing your virginity to a sweet boy in sweat pants and telling your dad about it before you break up with him and give him a pen, or the more realistic version where you have a long term relationship with a downer guy who runs a record store and you just get tired of his face. Either way, you go through a terrible fight and make up in the end, which feels so good since the fight was so painful and wet and cold.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act V, The Bed Death: \u003cem>The Kids Are Alright\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/the_kids_are_all_right_03-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1077\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1077 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031.jpg\" alt=\"the_kids_are_all_right_03\" width=\"1400\" height=\"931\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031.jpg 1400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031-800x532.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1400px) 100vw, 1400px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou have been together so long you just don’t exist to each other. You focus too much on your kids, and worst of all possible calamities, you have succumbed to lesbian bed death. Sooner or later, it’s a matter of time before one of you cheats, even going so far as to consider another sexual orientation. And Mark Ruffalo is pretty irresistible, but also kind of annoying with his bike-riding organic farmer routine (yeah, you heard me, San Francisco!). However, who could resist Julianne Moore? By the end, you learn how to make it work and how to love each other more. But, as we embark on the final stage of our relationship, you have a choice to make.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Act VI, Choose Your Own Adventure\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nNow the choice is up to you, since this is your vicarious relationship. Do you choose:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>1. Ultimate Romance: \u003cem>The Young Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/tumblr_m8w341nrqb1rtgioso1_500_large-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1079\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1079 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1.jpg\" alt=\"tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large\" width=\"468\" height=\"485\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1.jpg 468w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1-400x414.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 468px) 100vw, 468px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou've suddenly become quite in love with your first cousin, with whom you bear nine children. Your romance is sickening, in the best possible way, and the fact that you are monarchs who are waited on hand and foot helps. He dies 20 years into your marriage and afterward you go into serious mourning and you refuse to leave the house for the next 40 years of your reign as the Queen of England.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>2. Heroin Addicts: \u003cem>Sid and Nancy\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/ka7qfoisome3bohuq0zdgobuwdf-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1080\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1080 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1.jpg\" alt=\"kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf\" width=\"1280\" height=\"736\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1.jpg 1280w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1-400x230.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1-800x460.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">After the lesbian bed death and a little couples therapy, you both decide to take up heroin. You run around in hippy dresses and leopard print underwear in the street shouting you're Stevie Nicks, with bruises on your arms. Everything feels alive, everything seems possible, until you start coming to terms with your drug habit while living in a crappy hotel and you beg your boyfriend to stab you to death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>3. The Lonely Epiphany: \u003cem>Gone With the Wind\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/gone-with-the-wind-002-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1078\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1078 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021.jpg\" alt=\"Gone-With-the-Wind-002\" width=\"714\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021.jpg 714w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021-400x268.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 714px) 100vw, 714px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">If there's one thing about human nature that can be learned from Scarlett O'Hara, it's that we always want what we can't have. It turns out that this whole time you've been married, you've never really loved your husband. Until the minute he leaves you. Then you are painfully, hopelessly in love with the one man who wants to see your head on a spike in the front yard. You crawl away to your childhood home and try to cheer yourself up with a fistful of dirt.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>4. The Saddest Conclusion: \u003cem>Blue Valentine\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/blue-valentine-reviews-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1081\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1081 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1.jpg\" alt=\"Blue-Valentine-Reviews\" width=\"1200\" height=\"720\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1-400x240.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1-800x480.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">You have reconciled and gone to counseling, and come to terms with loving each other a little less than you used to. You are trying to raise your child with your drunk husband, Ryan Gosling, while he wears pedophile-style '70s sunglasses. It's true he loves the kid and you, too, but you hate his hair, and nothing can ever bring back the good old days when he sang to you in a silly voice with a ukulele. You have the loneliest, most painful attempt at a sexy evening and your relationship crumbles into a million little pieces. Yours is the saddest divorce in the history of the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There, now. Don't you feel a little relieved? It's better to have loved and lost... and you did a \u003cem>lot\u003c/em> of loving today. You survived Valentine's Day without ever having to be alone. \u003cstrong>Now you can go take over the entire bed by yourself.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "Alone on Valentine's Day? You don't have to be! Come with me, take the day off and put your jammies on, and experience your entire relationship run its course as you live vicariously through these 6 movies. ",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>For single people, Valentine’s Day is basically a reminder of what is missing in your life, not really a celebration of the happiness of others. Valentine's Day is Rubbing It In Day. But this year, instead of being depressed, I'm proposing that the lonely hearts and I take a much simpler and healthier approach to compensating for a lack of a hand-holding by hitting the bar at noon on a Thursday. Come with me, take the day off and put your jammies on and experience your entire relationship run its course as you live vicariously through these six movies. By tomorrow you’ll feel free and alive and glad to be alone to drink the last of the coffee in the morning.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act I, The Stalking: \u003cem>Sixteen Candles\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/sixteen-candles/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1064\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1064 size-medium\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-800x517.jpeg\" alt=\"sixteen candles\" width=\"800\" height=\"517\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-800x517.jpeg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles-400x258.jpeg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/sixteen-candles.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">The reason we are starting with stalking is because, if '80s movies can be believed, that's how most relationships begin. Also, extreme crush-stalking is actually sort of enjoyable in its painful pining, and it builds character. We need to remind ourselves of just how hard it is to find someone who like-likes you back. Just don’t expect anyone you have been stalking to sit on a table filled with cake and kiss you. There will probably be some sort of a restraining order involved instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act II, The Revelation: \u003cem>Clueless\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/clueless/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1065\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1065 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless.jpg\" alt=\"clueless\" width=\"604\" height=\"340\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless.jpg 604w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/clueless-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 604px) 100vw, 604px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nIt was bound to happen -- you’ve been following/stalking the wrong person all along! You’re in love with your ex-stepbrother, of course! Just like in every other story that exists featuring a girl and boy who start as friends (like the literary classic, \u003cem>Emma\u003c/em>, that \u003cem>Clueless\u003c/em> is based on), you were bound to kiss. The lesson in this revelation is that you have to come to terms with an appropriate dating pool. Instead of stalking the swingin' hot gay dude, Cher needed to focus on the slacker college guy already in her life. You want to try to date someone a tiny bit below you so that they are always grateful to have you sitting around in your unflattering flannel pajamas and they won't care if you can't make the house smell like home-baked cookies.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act III, The Fantasy Self: \u003cem>Beginners\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/beginners110606_560/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1066\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1066 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560.jpg\" alt=\"beginners110606_560\" width=\"560\" height=\"375\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560.jpg 560w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/beginners110606_560-400x267.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 560px) 100vw, 560px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou are suddenly Ewan McGregor. You meet someone, you present your best self. They in turn, (a hot French girl), are their best self. The beginning of your relationship is built on tiny white lies, as you drag yourself to a party dressed as Sigmund Freud when you’d rather be at home in front of the TV. In the first few months, you are smarter, funnier, sexier and more daring than you knew you could ever be. You roller skate down hotel hallways and do crazy dance moves. This is why everyone pines for the beginning of their relationships later. We miss the crazy person we were trying to get away with being, before our real boring self came out and called the bluff. But eventually you realize you were pining for a lie, and you fall in love with your real person more, anyway.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act IV, The Fight: \u003cem>Say Anything\u003c/em>/\u003cem>High Fidelity\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/58381637-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1076\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1076 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371.jpg\" alt=\"58381637\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371.jpg 600w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/583816371-400x266.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1075\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1075 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler.jpg\" alt=\"say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler\" width=\"800\" height=\"434\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/say-anything-1989-lloyd-dobler-400x217.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nI couldn’t decide between the aching fights in \u003cem>Say Anything\u003c/em> or \u003cem>High Fidelity\u003c/em>. Then I realized they both involve an emotional relationship with music-obsessed John Cusack where he calls you from a payphone in the pouring rain. What? How is it possible I never noticed how similar these movies are!? Your choice is between losing your virginity to a sweet boy in sweat pants and telling your dad about it before you break up with him and give him a pen, or the more realistic version where you have a long term relationship with a downer guy who runs a record store and you just get tired of his face. Either way, you go through a terrible fight and make up in the end, which feels so good since the fight was so painful and wet and cold.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>Act V, The Bed Death: \u003cem>The Kids Are Alright\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/the_kids_are_all_right_03-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1077\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1077 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031.jpg\" alt=\"the_kids_are_all_right_03\" width=\"1400\" height=\"931\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031.jpg 1400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031-400x266.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/the_kids_are_all_right_031-800x532.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1400px) 100vw, 1400px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou have been together so long you just don’t exist to each other. You focus too much on your kids, and worst of all possible calamities, you have succumbed to lesbian bed death. Sooner or later, it’s a matter of time before one of you cheats, even going so far as to consider another sexual orientation. And Mark Ruffalo is pretty irresistible, but also kind of annoying with his bike-riding organic farmer routine (yeah, you heard me, San Francisco!). However, who could resist Julianne Moore? By the end, you learn how to make it work and how to love each other more. But, as we embark on the final stage of our relationship, you have a choice to make.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Act VI, Choose Your Own Adventure\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nNow the choice is up to you, since this is your vicarious relationship. Do you choose:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>1. Ultimate Romance: \u003cem>The Young Victoria\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/tumblr_m8w341nrqb1rtgioso1_500_large-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1079\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1079 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1.jpg\" alt=\"tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large\" width=\"468\" height=\"485\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1.jpg 468w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1-400x414.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/tumblr_m8w341NRQB1rtgioso1_500_large1-32x32.jpg 32w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 468px) 100vw, 468px\">\u003c/a>\u003cbr>\nYou've suddenly become quite in love with your first cousin, with whom you bear nine children. Your romance is sickening, in the best possible way, and the fact that you are monarchs who are waited on hand and foot helps. He dies 20 years into your marriage and afterward you go into serious mourning and you refuse to leave the house for the next 40 years of your reign as the Queen of England.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>2. Heroin Addicts: \u003cem>Sid and Nancy\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/ka7qfoisome3bohuq0zdgobuwdf-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1080\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1080 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1.jpg\" alt=\"kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf\" width=\"1280\" height=\"736\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1.jpg 1280w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1-400x230.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/kA7QfOiSome3boHuq0ZDGOBUwDf1-800x460.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1280px) 100vw, 1280px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">After the lesbian bed death and a little couples therapy, you both decide to take up heroin. You run around in hippy dresses and leopard print underwear in the street shouting you're Stevie Nicks, with bruises on your arms. Everything feels alive, everything seems possible, until you start coming to terms with your drug habit while living in a crappy hotel and you beg your boyfriend to stab you to death.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>3. The Lonely Epiphany: \u003cem>Gone With the Wind\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/gone-with-the-wind-002-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1078\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1078 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021.jpg\" alt=\"Gone-With-the-Wind-002\" width=\"714\" height=\"480\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021.jpg 714w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Gone-With-the-Wind-0021-400x268.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 714px) 100vw, 714px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">If there's one thing about human nature that can be learned from Scarlett O'Hara, it's that we always want what we can't have. It turns out that this whole time you've been married, you've never really loved your husband. Until the minute he leaves you. Then you are painfully, hopelessly in love with the one man who wants to see your head on a spike in the front yard. You crawl away to your childhood home and try to cheer yourself up with a fistful of dirt.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003cstrong>4. The Saddest Conclusion: \u003cem>Blue Valentine\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/02/13/vicariously-experience-all-stages-of-a-relationship-through-6-movies-this-valentines-day/blue-valentine-reviews-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-1081\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1081 size-full\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1.jpg\" alt=\"Blue-Valentine-Reviews\" width=\"1200\" height=\"720\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1.jpg 1200w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1-400x240.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/02/Blue-Valentine-Reviews1-800x480.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">You have reconciled and gone to counseling, and come to terms with loving each other a little less than you used to. You are trying to raise your child with your drunk husband, Ryan Gosling, while he wears pedophile-style '70s sunglasses. It's true he loves the kid and you, too, but you hate his hair, and nothing can ever bring back the good old days when he sang to you in a silly voice with a ukulele. You have the loneliest, most painful attempt at a sexy evening and your relationship crumbles into a million little pieces. Yours is the saddest divorce in the history of the world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>There, now. Don't you feel a little relieved? It's better to have loved and lost... and you did a \u003cem>lot\u003c/em> of loving today. You survived Valentine's Day without ever having to be alone. \u003cstrong>Now you can go take over the entire bed by yourself.\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"disqusTitle": "How to Write the Perfect Love Poem",
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"content": "\u003cp>\u003cem>\"Do not write love-poems; avoid at first those forms that are too facile and commonplace: they are the most difficult, for it takes a great, fully matured power to give something of your own good where good and even excellent traditions come to mind in quantity.\"\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rainer Maria Rilke doles out this gem in letter one of his staggeringly famous work, \u003cem>Letters to a Young Poet\u003c/em>. Letter one and he’s already nixing the most admired of forms. Sure you can buy your beloved gourmet chocolates—they’re doing amazing things with tarragon cacao these days—or sun-kissed sustainable tulips, but they will eat the chocolate and the flowers, I’m sorry to say, will die. But a love poem, that’s the eternal ticket to the beating heart. So let’s make your beloved fall to their proverbial knees. Here is some advice as you travel down that road less taken.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hard copy is best.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nSure it’s easy to type out. Tweets have limits like haikus so that sort of counts. And it’s true, if the poem was saved to your hard drive or, for the sake of poetry, \u003cem>to a cloud\u003c/em>, there’s a chance it will remain forever in the ether, which is a nice thought. But there’s something to say about the antiquated form of pen and ink that is romantic, in that super cute grade school note-passing sort of way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGV4hxhxW8o\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Vulnerability is mandatory.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nYou must put yourself out there or you might as well just buy those delicious chocolates, yum. Announcing your feelings, whether bitter or sweet is a cathartic experience. When the teacher asks if anyone is brave enough to read their poem aloud in class, you know Julia Stiles jumps at the chance, really razing whatever wall stands between her and the room. It’s like every time she says “hate” she means “love,” ya know? And it’s all to the dreamboat Heath, whose future \u003cem>Brokeback\u003c/em> \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmRPZJp1pYQ\">performance\u003c/a> is vulnerability at its best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6voJjexENok\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Songs are poems with a backup band.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere are some \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EFiopuzJMs\">great songwriters\u003c/a> out there that need to be tapped into for inspiration, \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTCDVfMz15M\">even in pop songs\u003c/a>. Joni Mitchell’s “Case of You” reads like a love letter. Granted this one is post-break up with Graham Nash but even so, certain lines bypass the b.s. and head straight for the prize:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Love is touching souls\u003cbr>\nSurely you touched mine\u003cbr>\nCuz part of you pours out of me\u003cbr>\nIn these lines from time to time.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In4P_thIGvQ\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Humor, humor, humor! \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nGet fun and funny with it. No need to be such a lemon licker all the time. If you’re having trouble channelling your funny bone, have a drink, perhaps that will loosen you up a bit. Inside jokes are key to this. Your beloved will realize that no one else in the world would laugh at those specific words and that’s definitely worth a peck on the check or a nice firm hug at the very least.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Say it without saying it at all.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nIn reference to a kiss and without even mentioning the word, Ann Sexton writes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>My nerves are turned on. I hear them like\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>musical instruments. Where there was silence,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>the drums, the strings are incurably playing. You did this.\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>Pure genius at work. Darling, the composer has stepped\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>into the fire. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a steam machine!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVmU3iANbgk\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rhyming is totally okay. \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere are many haters on rhyme, be it internal or external or half rhyme or imperfect rhyme (\u003ca href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_rhyme\">or mind rhyme\u003c/a>, which is a weird one), they’re all like: \u003cem>who do you think you are / you silly goose / you’re not the cat in the hat / and you’re def not Dr. Seuss\u003c/em>. I say please, please, please, rhyme away. Anything to get your thoughts on paper and into the hands of your beloved. Just avoid talking of oranges at all costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose. \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThat little guy ticking away inside your chest is the kindling to your poetic flame. Dig deep and don’t give up. From “This Is Where We Live,” Pablo Neruda writes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>I love all the things there are,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and of all fires\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>love is the only inexhaustible one;\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and that’s why I go from life to life,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>from guitar to guitar,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and I have no fear\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>of light or of shade\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and almost being Earth myself,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>I spoon away at infinity.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md50b88x0Y1rwjzpqo1_500.gif\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Blaze on, fellow bard, blaze on.\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>\"Do not write love-poems; avoid at first those forms that are too facile and commonplace: they are the most difficult, for it takes a great, fully matured power to give something of your own good where good and even excellent traditions come to mind in quantity.\"\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Rainer Maria Rilke doles out this gem in letter one of his staggeringly famous work, \u003cem>Letters to a Young Poet\u003c/em>. Letter one and he’s already nixing the most admired of forms. Sure you can buy your beloved gourmet chocolates—they’re doing amazing things with tarragon cacao these days—or sun-kissed sustainable tulips, but they will eat the chocolate and the flowers, I’m sorry to say, will die. But a love poem, that’s the eternal ticket to the beating heart. So let’s make your beloved fall to their proverbial knees. Here is some advice as you travel down that road less taken.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Hard copy is best.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nSure it’s easy to type out. Tweets have limits like haikus so that sort of counts. And it’s true, if the poem was saved to your hard drive or, for the sake of poetry, \u003cem>to a cloud\u003c/em>, there’s a chance it will remain forever in the ether, which is a nice thought. But there’s something to say about the antiquated form of pen and ink that is romantic, in that super cute grade school note-passing sort of way.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/gGV4hxhxW8o'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/gGV4hxhxW8o'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Vulnerability is mandatory.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nYou must put yourself out there or you might as well just buy those delicious chocolates, yum. Announcing your feelings, whether bitter or sweet is a cathartic experience. When the teacher asks if anyone is brave enough to read their poem aloud in class, you know Julia Stiles jumps at the chance, really razing whatever wall stands between her and the room. It’s like every time she says “hate” she means “love,” ya know? And it’s all to the dreamboat Heath, whose future \u003cem>Brokeback\u003c/em> \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmRPZJp1pYQ\">performance\u003c/a> is vulnerability at its best.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/6voJjexENok'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/6voJjexENok'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Songs are poems with a backup band.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere are some \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EFiopuzJMs\">great songwriters\u003c/a> out there that need to be tapped into for inspiration, \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTCDVfMz15M\">even in pop songs\u003c/a>. Joni Mitchell’s “Case of You” reads like a love letter. Granted this one is post-break up with Graham Nash but even so, certain lines bypass the b.s. and head straight for the prize:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Love is touching souls\u003cbr>\nSurely you touched mine\u003cbr>\nCuz part of you pours out of me\u003cbr>\nIn these lines from time to time.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/In4P_thIGvQ'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/In4P_thIGvQ'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Humor, humor, humor! \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nGet fun and funny with it. No need to be such a lemon licker all the time. If you’re having trouble channelling your funny bone, have a drink, perhaps that will loosen you up a bit. Inside jokes are key to this. Your beloved will realize that no one else in the world would laugh at those specific words and that’s definitely worth a peck on the check or a nice firm hug at the very least.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Say it without saying it at all.\u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nIn reference to a kiss and without even mentioning the word, Ann Sexton writes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>My nerves are turned on. I hear them like\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>musical instruments. Where there was silence,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>the drums, the strings are incurably playing. You did this.\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>Pure genius at work. Darling, the composer has stepped\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>into the fire. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>What a steam machine!\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/uVmU3iANbgk'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/uVmU3iANbgk'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Rhyming is totally okay. \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThere are many haters on rhyme, be it internal or external or half rhyme or imperfect rhyme (\u003ca href=\"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_rhyme\">or mind rhyme\u003c/a>, which is a weird one), they’re all like: \u003cem>who do you think you are / you silly goose / you’re not the cat in the hat / and you’re def not Dr. Seuss\u003c/em>. I say please, please, please, rhyme away. Anything to get your thoughts on paper and into the hands of your beloved. Just avoid talking of oranges at all costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose. \u003c/strong>\u003cbr>\nThat little guy ticking away inside your chest is the kindling to your poetic flame. Dig deep and don’t give up. From “This Is Where We Live,” Pablo Neruda writes:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>I love all the things there are,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and of all fires\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>love is the only inexhaustible one;\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and that’s why I go from life to life,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>from guitar to guitar,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and I have no fear\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>of light or of shade\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>and almost being Earth myself,\u003c/em>\u003cbr>\n\u003cem>I spoon away at infinity.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md50b88x0Y1rwjzpqo1_500.gif\" alt=\"\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Blaze on, fellow bard, blaze on.\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>",
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"content": "\u003cp>Conversation hearts and chocolate samplers fill the grocery aisles, your inbox is filled with coupon deals for roses and romantic dates, and your grandmother has yet again asked if you have a \"special friend.\" Dan Slater, author of \u003cem>\u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Love-Time-Algorithms-Technology-Meeting/dp/1591845319\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Love in the Time of Algorithms\u003c/a> \u003c/em>visited \u003ca href=\"http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201302061000\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">KQED's Forum\u003c/a> to discuss the world of online dating and how it is changing our relationships. Here are some highlights from that show that we hope will help you make sense of the online dating scene.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Online Dating is Still Dating (Read: Awkward)\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Online dating gets so much buzz, you might get the impression that once you post a profile you will be flooded with hundreds of potential partners and that meeting them will be void of stress and awkward moments. You are wrong.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"Technology can be a very useful tool, but it's not a cure-all, it's not a panacea for everyone's relationship ills, and I think that often times people approach it with very high expectations; they expect to be able to hit a button and their soul mate pops up, but, you know, it takes a little more work than that.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. Don't Invest Too Much Time Before Meeting in Person\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Anna, who met her husband online, called into the show and offered this advice: \"Read a little bit, send [potential dates] a message, and meet for coffee for a half an hour.\" Anna said that setting limits takes a lot of the fear away because \"you're not investing as much\" in any one profile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Limiting interaction before you meet someone in person also ensures that you won't steal all of the magic away from that first meeting—something that Slater said a lot of the people he interviewed for his book felt was lacking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a sense of discovery that is lost in the online process,\" said a caller named Jennifer. \"You read [someone's] entire life story on their summaries about who they are, what they're looking for. The authenticity of that first meeting—the mystery is kind of lost for me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Decide if the Story of How You Met is Important to You\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"People put a lot of stock in the meeting story,\" said Slater. \"If you go to a cocktail party and talk to couples, often times the conversation will go to how they met, and if you don't have that fun story to tell, maybe, for some people, it feels like they've been deprived of something.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before venturing online, figure out if the idea of a serendipitous meeting, however mundane is \"preferable to what [can feel like] an overly structured way of meeting online.\" Because if you can't imagine telling your grandmother that you met your \"special friend\" on \u003ca href=\"http://www.match.com/\">Match.com\u003c/a>, and the thought of lying makes you cringe, you might want to stick to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. The Claims on Long Term Compatibility Aren't Proven\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a fair amount of debate, both within the industry itself and outside of the industry, as to what these algorithms [used by online dating sites] actually do,\" said Slater \"and can they actually predict anything, or is it all just a bunch of smoke?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater specifically questioned \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\">eHarmony\u003c/a>'s claim that it can \"predict whether or not a couple of strangers—a man and woman who have never met—can be happy together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The evidence may be a bit weak,\" said Slater. He cited a study that found social scientists can predict the long term compatibility of a couple that's already together with a fair amount of accuracy, but that predicting how two complete strangers will stand the test of time is something entirely different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No one has shown an ability to do that with strangers because before two people have come together, there are so many things you don't know about them,\" said Slater. \"You don't know how they're going to handle stress together. So right now, what seems to be the case is that dating sites are getting better and better at predicting whether two people will hit it off on a first date. And that, in my mind, is a pretty amazing innovation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Expect Some Untruths\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a little bit of lying everywhere,\" said Slater. \"If you meet someone offline, there's going to be a little bit of lying that takes place. I think the online world obviously makes it a bit easier to kind of fudge your stats: men will tend to add a couple inches to their height, women will tend to shave a few pounds off their weight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Casual Sex is Not Just for Men\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Joseph shared this perspective:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I joined [an online dating site] in 2003 and I was looking for love, and what I discovered is that an amazing number of women would come straight over to my house for the first date; I mean, it became like ordering take-out. And of course I was absolutely delighted with the experience, and also really shocked about it… If I told you the number of women who would just come straight over to my house for sex—no date, no coffee, thirty minutes, it's happening—you would find it hard to believe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater says that online dating might expose the theory that only men want casual sex as just that—a theory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We don't know at this point whether men do, in fact, pursue more short-term sex than women. Certainly the stereotype and belief all along has been that men are sort of biologically wired to pursue more short-term sex—I don't believe that's the case and I believe that online dating is starting to expose a little bit of that lie.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Don't Pay Too Much Attention to Photos… at First\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Andy shared this experience on the \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/KQEDForum\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Forum Facebook page\u003c/a>:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I found my girlfriend of nearly 14 months on \u003ca href=\"http://www.okcupid.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">OkCupid\u003c/a>. The key is to go beyond the 10-20 percent of users who get the vast majority of the messages. [Try to] ignore the pictures at first and just focus on the profile, then take a look at the picture once you have a better sense of who the person is. The problem most online daters face is that they judge based on looks (as determined by a couple of thumbnail pictures) and don't make an attempt to contact people who could be great matches if they met in person. If you go beyond that your chances of success dramatically increase.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>When you post your photo—choose one that's in-focus and sans sunglasses. The purpose of the profile picture is to let people know what you look like, so you may as well pick a photo that does the job.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. There's a Dating Service for Every Type\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chances are, if you've got a type, \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/fashion/06Niche.html?_r=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">there's a site for it\u003c/a>. Are you a\u003ca href=\"http://cupidtino.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> Mac\u003c/a> of PC person? A Democrat or a Republican? Jewish or Catholic? Before investing in a paid subscription, be sure to look beyond the big name sites like Match.com and \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">eHarmony\u003c/a>, especially if you there's a characteristic that's a must-have for you.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/forum/201302061000/is-online-dating-changing-our-relationships\">Listen to the complete interview with Mr. Slater!\u003c/a>\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n",
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"excerpt": "It's February, which means love is looming large. If you want to play along with the season's preoccupation with pink and partnering, maybe it's time to considered online dating.",
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"content": "\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Anna, who met her husband online, called into the show and offered this advice: \"Read a little bit, send [potential dates] a message, and meet for coffee for a half an hour.\" Anna said that setting limits takes a lot of the fear away because \"you're not investing as much\" in any one profile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Limiting interaction before you meet someone in person also ensures that you won't steal all of the magic away from that first meeting—something that Slater said a lot of the people he interviewed for his book felt was lacking.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a sense of discovery that is lost in the online process,\" said a caller named Jennifer. \"You read [someone's] entire life story on their summaries about who they are, what they're looking for. The authenticity of that first meeting—the mystery is kind of lost for me.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Decide if the Story of How You Met is Important to You\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"People put a lot of stock in the meeting story,\" said Slater. \"If you go to a cocktail party and talk to couples, often times the conversation will go to how they met, and if you don't have that fun story to tell, maybe, for some people, it feels like they've been deprived of something.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Before venturing online, figure out if the idea of a serendipitous meeting, however mundane is \"preferable to what [can feel like] an overly structured way of meeting online.\" Because if you can't imagine telling your grandmother that you met your \"special friend\" on \u003ca href=\"http://www.match.com/\">Match.com\u003c/a>, and the thought of lying makes you cringe, you might want to stick to the old-fashioned way of meeting someone.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. The Claims on Long Term Compatibility Aren't Proven\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a fair amount of debate, both within the industry itself and outside of the industry, as to what these algorithms [used by online dating sites] actually do,\" said Slater \"and can they actually predict anything, or is it all just a bunch of smoke?\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater specifically questioned \u003ca href=\"http://www.eharmony.com/\">eHarmony\u003c/a>'s claim that it can \"predict whether or not a couple of strangers—a man and woman who have never met—can be happy together.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"The evidence may be a bit weak,\" said Slater. He cited a study that found social scientists can predict the long term compatibility of a couple that's already together with a fair amount of accuracy, but that predicting how two complete strangers will stand the test of time is something entirely different.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"No one has shown an ability to do that with strangers because before two people have come together, there are so many things you don't know about them,\" said Slater. \"You don't know how they're going to handle stress together. So right now, what seems to be the case is that dating sites are getting better and better at predicting whether two people will hit it off on a first date. And that, in my mind, is a pretty amazing innovation.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Expect Some Untruths\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"There's a little bit of lying everywhere,\" said Slater. \"If you meet someone offline, there's going to be a little bit of lying that takes place. I think the online world obviously makes it a bit easier to kind of fudge your stats: men will tend to add a couple inches to their height, women will tend to shave a few pounds off their weight.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Casual Sex is Not Just for Men\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>A listener named Joseph shared this perspective:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"I joined [an online dating site] in 2003 and I was looking for love, and what I discovered is that an amazing number of women would come straight over to my house for the first date; I mean, it became like ordering take-out. And of course I was absolutely delighted with the experience, and also really shocked about it… If I told you the number of women who would just come straight over to my house for sex—no date, no coffee, thirty minutes, it's happening—you would find it hard to believe.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Slater says that online dating might expose the theory that only men want casual sex as just that—a theory.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\"We don't know at this point whether men do, in fact, pursue more short-term sex than women. Certainly the stereotype and belief all along has been that men are sort of biologically wired to pursue more short-term sex—I don't believe that's the case and I believe that online dating is starting to expose a little bit of that lie.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. 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"info": "For decades, the process for how police police themselves has been inconsistent – if not opaque. In some states, like California, these proceedings were completely hidden. After a new police transparency law unsealed scores of internal affairs files, our reporters set out to examine these cases and the shadow world of police discipline. On Our Watch brings listeners into the rooms where officers are questioned and witnesses are interrogated to find out who this system is really protecting. Is it the officers, or the public they've sworn to serve?",
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"info": "Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? Each episode also includes a short fiction story generated by advanced AI GPT-4, serving as a thought-provoking springboard to speculate how humanity could leverage technology for good.",
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"soldout": {
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"title": "SOLD OUT: Rethinking Housing in America",
"tagline": "A new future for housing",
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"tagline": "True-life supernatural stories",
"info": "",
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