Anjelica Carrillo: People Pleasing

Enough is enough – Anjelica Carrillo shares how she learned to set boundaries when family took advantage of her kindness.

Do you ever see people pleasers and wonder when they’ll say no or place boundaries?

In the past, I was a people-pleaser. I put others’ needs in front of mine to make them happy and I would always say yes–especially to my family. They would ask me for help with translating, filling out papers, making phone calls, and things in English.

I would always say ‘yes’ without asking anything in exchange and I would put their needs first and my priorities last. I never really realized how long I was this way. I always thought of it as, “If I can help them, why shouldn’t I?” or, “They need my help more and I can’t say no.”

One day, my aunt asked me to help with an appointment where I would have to miss a day of school. I had an important assignment to do and I had to be at school so sorry, but she didn’t understand and she got mad that I didn’t want to help her.

Another time, it happened with someone else and they decided to call me out in front of my family. This time, I told them that I have to put my needs first and not theirs. Since then, I haven’t put other people’s needs before mine – even if it means that they get mad. My family members have learned and now when they ask for my help, they always ask if I have time and they always offer to give me something in return. Even though I don’t always accept them paying me, it feels nice that they value the time I take out of my day.

This experience has taught me to put myself first and value myself more. I am now someone who says ‘no’ more and knows when to place boundaries if someone is taking advantage of my kindness.

With a Perspective, I am Anjelica Carrillo.

Anjelica Carillo is a student at Skyline High School in Oakland. Her piece was produced through the KQED Youth Takeover classroom program. Tune in to Youth Takeover week from April 22nd to the 26th when teens will share their stories across KQED programs.