Tom Moriarty: Chipped

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Vaccines are ramping up and with them, of course, the conspiracy theories. Tom Moriarty finds one of them especially ironic.

My favorite conspiracy theory about the coronavirus vaccine is that each shot contains a tiny microchip designed to track our every move.

I admire this particular piece of nonsense because it overlooks the fact that most of us have already been tagged and can be tracked down by Bill Gates or the government pretty much at will. Big business and other nefarious actors can also use the device to read our minds and accurately predict which products we’ll buy and who we’ll most likely vote for.

And to make matters worse, these masters of the dark arts of persuasion can even nudge us toward certain brands or candidates or ideas, and not only predict what we are going to do, but almost make us do it. All with just the push of a button.

The microchip delivered via the vaccine is allegedly so small that it’s all but impossible to detect. The device I’m talking about is much bigger, and if you feel around for it, I’m pretty sure you can find it.

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If you’re listening to the radio while you’re still in bed, slowly stretch your arm out and reach over onto your bedside table, toward the glowing light. If you’re listening to this in the car while driving, carefully run your right hand through the center cup holders in your car. If you’re out walking and listening via podcast, quickly plunge your hands into your pockets, front and back. And if you’re reading this online, look up for a moment, let your eyes adjust, and then quickly look back down at your hand.

It’s a flat, rectangular object, bigger than a deck of cards, but smaller than a paperback book. It’s made of metal, plastic, and glass. And it glows in the dark.

There’s no way to get rid of it because, even though it’s wireless, it’s completely wired into our daily lives. And who knows what our friends might be saying about us on Facebook or TikTok if we don’t have it with us at all times?

So go get the shot and stop worrying about being tracked. Bill Gates, the government, and all your favorite brands – and even your mom – have been following you for years.

With a Perspective, I’m Tom Moriarty.

Tom Moriarty teaches writing and rhetoric at San Jose State University.