Frank
Mental Health Consumer
Occupation: Programmer
Age: 37

I had a breakdown about 10 years ago, and I was diagnosed with very severe schizoaffective disorder. First breakdown that I had, I was hearing voices, seeing things, hallucinating, and I don't even remember being hospitalized. That's how bad it was. I got to a certain point where everything just failed on me--my psychological, emotional, and physical--it all just collapsed. My family didn't know what was happening. I was really sick in high school, and I was facing certain issues about my culture. I was trying to walk a fine line between being an American and a Filipino at the same time. My parents were immigrants, and it was hard--this duality. Some counselors wanted me to deal with the problems. But coming from an immigrant background, we didn't know how to approach it, and my family has always believed in lifting yourself up by your own boot straps and don't ask anyone for help.

So my problems lasted until when I went to college; I left home and I didn't have a support system, and after I graduated from college, I had a nervous breakdown. There was no structure in my life, and it was really hard to deal with. That is when my family took me back in again and encouraged me to talk more about it and deal with the problem. Initially it was hard getting help, but I had to step out and do that for myself. I think among Filipinos and Filipino-Americans, I think what has helped me, was the strong family bond we had for each other. My family was very supportive. They never pigeonholed me as disabled, and I've always thought of myself as able.

I was going through some rough times a few years ago. I was off medication for four months. And I was hallucinating, psychotic. And I tried to kill myself--ingested a whole bottle of pesticide. They thought I was gone. The hospital worked on me for two hours, and I was on a respirator. After that, I underwent extensive therapy, I attended support groups, worked out the medication, and I'm as happy as I can be right now--and I want to keep it that way.

There was no real preventive intervention in my case, but that's water under the bridge. I think I became a consumer advocate, because what I've gone through, I don't want anyone to go through. And if I can help someone, one person, that's enough for me.

Back to other first person stories.